Been really bummed lately. My best friend of 9 years moved out of town a couple weeks ago after moving back for a year and a half, and now that I don't have hanging out with her as an activity anymore, I don't know what to do with myself. It's been made even harder since the last day we hung out together we got a little....closer that we ever have (nothing really happened) and it's been all I can think about since then. Sometimes I think I'm in love with her, and that doesn't do me any good. It hurts to have someone so close to me ripped out of my life by circumstances I can't control. I don't know why it was so easy to become friends with her and how I became so comfortable around her, but it's never happened with anyone else. And I'm not young young at 22 anymore, like I was when I met her. I'm 30 and I'm about where I should be 10 years ago, hell, 15. And I don't know what I want to do with my life, or even the next few years. On the one hand I want to do something exciting and adventurous so I finally live a little and have some goddamn stories to tell. On the other hand, I'm 30, I should've done that when I was 23, and I'm already way behind career-wise and have no savings. My life's a fucking mess and I hate it. I still haven't found any therapy I can afford, thanks to my shit insurance plan.
Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
- Start date
- Status
Freeza Under The Shower
Member
Of course you do! It wouldn't be very good if you weren't. Either way, there are plenty of screenwriters on GAF and its extended network to give -at the very least- very good advice that will save you years of trying to go it alone.
Out of Working Order
Member
Do this. Definately do this.
I know the feeling. I am absolutely fucking bored with my life too, and I just want to break off the shackles and get out there. It's either that, or things continue as they are.
It really is a pain, eh? I feel like a weak old man.
I hope I'll be able to live my youth a little, since I really do feel like I'm growing up too fast. I just want to go out and enjoy myself, but my brain is holding me back.
I also don't want to feel like I'm going in a direction I don't want to go, which is almost how I feel now. I feel so awful right now, and I feel near the point of just wanting to shut off life for a long time.
Also thanks TCRS! I think something may pop up soon (I'll be doing freelance soon), but it's all up in the air.
I'm really fucking nervous though.
AFollowerNotALeader
Member
Vent time.
So I mentioned before that I still have bad days. And this is one. Started yesterday evening. Got home, collapsed into bed because I was exhausted (Southeastern Rail hate AC so I was far too hot for my commute). Woke up in a complete state stressed out and upset for no reason at all. Struggled through the rest of the evening. Had to go to the Doctor's for my monthly check-in/prescription update this morning and their stupid new drop-in system means I had to sit in their waiting room stressing myself out for an hour and a half, rather than say, turning up for an appointment with a predictable time. Room full of screaming brats playing with noise-making toys (who the fuck thought that was a great idea for a Doctor's waiting room?).
Got into work magnificently late as a result (my boss knew this was going to happen but it still makes me feel shitty to rock in at 10:30). Fucking cleaners had mucked about with the stuff on my desk again. And I still feel terrible for no actual reason.
I want to either explode or go home and curl up in the dark and hide from everything. What I actually have to do is deal with some stupid academic who thinks that the fact that his code doesn't work with the latest GNU compiler install on our machine is somehow my problem (incidentally, he's tried almost every compiler on there with no success, and we have many), and who has copied in his boss on every e-mail. Whilst maintaining a professional tone and external appearance. Fucking academics.
Vent over.
So I mentioned before that I still have bad days. And this is one. Started yesterday evening. Got home, collapsed into bed because I was exhausted (Southeastern Rail hate AC so I was far too hot for my commute). Woke up in a complete state stressed out and upset for no reason at all. Struggled through the rest of the evening. Had to go to the Doctor's for my monthly check-in/prescription update this morning and their stupid new drop-in system means I had to sit in their waiting room stressing myself out for an hour and a half, rather than say, turning up for an appointment with a predictable time. Room full of screaming brats playing with noise-making toys (who the fuck thought that was a great idea for a Doctor's waiting room?).
Got into work magnificently late as a result (my boss knew this was going to happen but it still makes me feel shitty to rock in at 10:30). Fucking cleaners had mucked about with the stuff on my desk again. And I still feel terrible for no actual reason.
I want to either explode or go home and curl up in the dark and hide from everything. What I actually have to do is deal with some stupid academic who thinks that the fact that his code doesn't work with the latest GNU compiler install on our machine is somehow my problem (incidentally, he's tried almost every compiler on there with no success, and we have many), and who has copied in his boss on every e-mail. Whilst maintaining a professional tone and external appearance. Fucking academics.
Vent over.
Vermillion
Banned
At this point, I can only suggest medicine.
I don't have money to travel, and certainly not for an extended period of time. Also, I did travel six years ago, through europe for several weeks, and while it was enjoyable I I didn't meet anyone or really make any 'stories'. Neither seem to ever happen to me. There's something deeply wrong with me and it goes way back and it just feels like it's too late to fix.
Last night was weird, didn't go to bed until 6am. I fell asleep on the couch and woke up every so often for 20 minutes or so and just stared at the ceiling thinking about my shitty life until I fell back asleep again. Now I feel like shit. Another fine start to another wonderful weekend.
PumpkinPie
Banned
Writing, it helps. Write things down.
Funny you should mention that.
I stupidly had my news blog connected to my account that was linked to my online journal. My best friends found out and are really worried about some of my posts. I'm really embarrassed about what I wrote in there now.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Keep it up people!
I think this happened to me around age 21, something died inside me, like a certain spark I had was gone... and Idk if I can get it back now @ 25
it's been a rough past 4-5 years for me.
I hardly even go out anymore, if not for groceries.
I just don't really care anymore, about anything...
the internet makes me feel sort of happy though, just the tiniest bit of sunshine and joy in my life... even though everything else is shit though
(everything in the end feels like one big joke anyways) life, school, the way people treat each other, etc
it would not make a single bit of difference to me if I died right now or 50 years from now...
I feel like I'm slowly breaking down.
Trying to come to terms with the fact that I have to go into a career and I'm not going to be able to spend time playing music or engaging in a lot of hobbies I like. But I'm realizing that I've had tons of free time this past year and didn't do any of that anyway because I can't motivate myself or even drag myself out of the house often.
Trying to come to terms with the fact that I have to go into a career and I'm not going to be able to spend time playing music or engaging in a lot of hobbies I like. But I'm realizing that I've had tons of free time this past year and didn't do any of that anyway because I can't motivate myself or even drag myself out of the house often.
Holy shit am I numb right now.
It was my sister's birthday today and besides eating dinner, I didn't make any conversation with the family and just didn't care. My 21st is in a few days and I've lost a ton of friends this year due to my depression. I feel like I don't deserve to go out and have a good time. I've been this depressed for a while, probably 4-5 years, but it just went to a whole other level today.
It was my sister's birthday today and besides eating dinner, I didn't make any conversation with the family and just didn't care. My 21st is in a few days and I've lost a ton of friends this year due to my depression. I feel like I don't deserve to go out and have a good time. I've been this depressed for a while, probably 4-5 years, but it just went to a whole other level today.
I read two medical books to self diagonalize myself before heading to a doctor and it turns out I most likely have severe manic depression (read about here
Does anyone know any good therapists in NYC who accepts Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield?
On a side note: I told my roommate (who has moderate depression-goes to therapy and takes meds) that I may have manic depression because I cross-referenced and self-diagnosis. She pretty much blew me off and said that it was stupid that I tried to see if I had a bipolar issue without a PHD DESPITE THE FACT that she knows every thing in the listed thread about me. I really wanted to throw her coffee at her--will set her straight before I leave for work.
Does anyone know any good therapists in NYC who accepts Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield?
On a side note: I told my roommate (who has moderate depression-goes to therapy and takes meds) that I may have manic depression because I cross-referenced and self-diagnosis. She pretty much blew me off and said that it was stupid that I tried to see if I had a bipolar issue without a PHD DESPITE THE FACT that she knows every thing in the listed thread about me. I really wanted to throw her coffee at her--will set her straight before I leave for work.
^How have things been getting worse?
Antipsychotics are very heavy but can lessen in their impact over time. How long have you been on it? And why did they put you on it?
Antipsychotics are very heavy but can lessen in their impact over time. How long have you been on it? And why did they put you on it?
everyone thinks they know that they are not causing their depression, but they don't, cause they are. Clinical depression is chemical based but rarely is it perpetuated for eternity.
Think of it like this...chemical depression rarely occurs spontaneoulsy...usualy there is some sort of perceptual problem like losing a job sucking in school, not knowing what do to with ones self andthis eventually spirals down ward becuse people say things to themself like I am a loser, I suck, thisis unfair, fuck God for doing this to me, etc, etc. It could start early with poor pareting etc. as a child...doesn't matter. The chemicals have to change buthis only happens slowly, and usually a tonneof cognitive distortions contribute to the drivel one says to themself......slowly bit surely if you start by telling youtrsefl it will get better, it will ...slowly, but then you have to push your ass and do shit physically as this will boost the better chemicals and get them flowing again.
Usually people get out of it one of two ways:
1.) they use the cognitive method in a diiferent way than they tried before and actually started to believe in theri heart of hearts the restructures they tell themself inside their head....which enables them to push their ass out of bed and into life again....this intrun stimualts the good chemicals.
2.) get on meds so that 1 can happen sooner or better.
So as patronizing as it is...framing your head arounfthe idea that depression is your choice, clinical or not, is the best and only way it will ever get better.
People that have clinical dpression and still do tonnesof exercise, eat well, clean their house...no matter how painful these things are to do....eventually get better as they begin not to care abouthe chemical imbalance and as such the chemicals start balancing out. Fake it tilyou make it....laugh therapy works wonders for me....even if its the last thing you feel like doing ...do it anyway...the reuslts can be astounding if you practice it long enough....all of a sudden your body rememerbs that things really are funny adn youstart laughing without faking it. It is impossible for the chemicals that you are lacking in a depressed state to be completely gone when you act as if htey are there long enough.
I have had mania and depressivr episodes my whole life...it is EXTREMELY difficult not to start blaming events on your depression as oposed to it just being an off day chemically...once I told myself inside my head that it was a chemical problem ...not the fact I hate my job situation or loved ones...I started not to care than I had episiodes, and actually pretended I didn't havethem....now they are so rare I really could care less and if I have to sleep a downer day off I will...butthe sun rises the next day and I am "cured." Usually becuase I could trace my chemical imbalance back to ether drinking too much, staying up too late, or too much or not enough exercise, once those lifestyle imbalances were balanced with positive thougts and behaviour, even more postiive thoughtsand behaviour ensue....untili next time...but you get ot be a vet at this and eventually episodes go away as you learn how to prevent them inthe first place.
edit: I ended up working in a forensic mental health hospital helping people with depression and the full rangeo f other mental health issues...its very rewarding......even if you don't get paid helping others makes you feel good.
ThisWreckage
Banned
The work of Sartre really helped me with depression.
tearsofash
Member
I refuse to take anti-depressants. I'm on an anti-convulsant (mood stabilizer) called tegretol. It helps with my blackout anger and constant irritability. It doesn't really help with my low-grade depression. However, I've been dealing with it enough to know when my depression is coming on, so I can act accordingly.
One thing with these meds is that sometimes when I drink so much I break down in tears pretty consistently. I feel weak, helpless, and I just break down. I'm in one of those fits right now. I have intermittent thoughts of suicide, but I realize that's just my brain throwing filth at me. I don't act on it, but at the same time I still feel the need to reach out.
These meds are affecting my memory, they are affecting my sex drive. I am just so fucking "chill" about things. Deep down, I'm taking part of 'the chase' but once things start to happen I can't even get interested in anything. Whether it's a guy or girl flirting with me, I don't get horny. I don't get hard. It's like, I can only give myself any sort of pleasure. There's just so little I even care about. Friends just seem to view it as some sort of "respect" sort of thing, or that I'm taking things so slow.
I don't pass out. I don't vomit. I don't get sick. I just break down. I don't know what to do to myself. When this happens, it's like all my fears are made tangible. Every single time, all I can think about is my ex-wife and how I still love her. I start balling, I start flipping out. She has a restraining order on me, and i haven't talked to her since before the time she put it on me when I actually tried to make things better. I can't move on, I can't stop loving her, all I can do is repress it. It really bothers me, and it overtakes all of me.
I just want to see her again. I just want to die. I just want to let everything I've been bottling up out. I'm flooded with all these negative emotions, and I've been trying so hard to fill myself with only positive ones. I feel like a fucking crybaby. I'm not a good person. I beat her, I deserved it, but I can't help it if I still feel this way. I don't deserve any sympathy. I hope I at least deserve a good solid rant, please understand. Bye.
One thing with these meds is that sometimes when I drink so much I break down in tears pretty consistently. I feel weak, helpless, and I just break down. I'm in one of those fits right now. I have intermittent thoughts of suicide, but I realize that's just my brain throwing filth at me. I don't act on it, but at the same time I still feel the need to reach out.
These meds are affecting my memory, they are affecting my sex drive. I am just so fucking "chill" about things. Deep down, I'm taking part of 'the chase' but once things start to happen I can't even get interested in anything. Whether it's a guy or girl flirting with me, I don't get horny. I don't get hard. It's like, I can only give myself any sort of pleasure. There's just so little I even care about. Friends just seem to view it as some sort of "respect" sort of thing, or that I'm taking things so slow.
I don't pass out. I don't vomit. I don't get sick. I just break down. I don't know what to do to myself. When this happens, it's like all my fears are made tangible. Every single time, all I can think about is my ex-wife and how I still love her. I start balling, I start flipping out. She has a restraining order on me, and i haven't talked to her since before the time she put it on me when I actually tried to make things better. I can't move on, I can't stop loving her, all I can do is repress it. It really bothers me, and it overtakes all of me.
I just want to see her again. I just want to die. I just want to let everything I've been bottling up out. I'm flooded with all these negative emotions, and I've been trying so hard to fill myself with only positive ones. I feel like a fucking crybaby. I'm not a good person. I beat her, I deserved it, but I can't help it if I still feel this way. I don't deserve any sympathy. I hope I at least deserve a good solid rant, please understand. Bye.
Charoncaori
Member
So I was started on Zoloft a couple weeks ago, and after forgetting to take it for a couple of days I realized it was making me really, really fucking angry. I was lashing out at everyone around me, didn't keep my appointments, it was making me feel terrible and I was convinced it was because I was at the end of my rope.
I feel a lot better knowing it wasn't really my fault, that I'm not necessarily doomed to be a bitter, angry person for the rest of my life.
Now I have to work up the courage to see my psychiatrist again, though... Ugh...
I feel a lot better knowing it wasn't really my fault, that I'm not necessarily doomed to be a bitter, angry person for the rest of my life.
Now I have to work up the courage to see my psychiatrist again, though... Ugh...
ThisWreckage
Banned
I honestly find alcohol to be more effective than any anti-depressant. Everything in moderation.
Charoncaori
Member
I've been trying to get my smartphone to remind me to take it but it doesn't always sync right and I'm a ridiculously forgetful person. I'll forget whether or not I took something five minutes later. When I was on concerta in high school for ADHD, if I couldn't remember whether or not I took my dose, I most likely hadn't...
I wonder if there's a good droid app or something, heh.
SlowRevolution
Member
Hey, everyone, just wanted to say this thread's been hugely helpful in the past, wasn't able to post since my account hadn't gotten approved yet. Thanks to everyone who's been posting here, really nice to be able to know you're not alone and people care.
So I've been heavily depressed for a year and a couple months now, had to finish high school by taking classes online (luckily I had always taken extra classes anyway, so my whole senior year I only had a few "real" classes to take), still don't even have my driver's license since mentally I haven't felt safe being on the road with other people, basically my whole life has been on pause for over a year and it's killing me.
Well, I started taking Viibryd, and I'm not sure whether or not it's working. I know that might be kind of a weird thing to say, but several people have said they've noticed a change, and to a very small extent I have as well. I think I just might be scared to start thinking I finally found a medicine that works, and since I've been on it for over two months now I guess I thought it would make more of an impact. I'm on the lowest dosage now and my next appointment is this week, so I think it'll probably be raised and then I might feel more of a change. Really scared of it just being a placebo effect; I've been on so many different meds (as well as exercise, blood tests, meditation, started taking Niacin pretty recently, and have been doing various other things that are supposed to help) that after long enough it gets hard to accept that something could be working.
Just wanted to know how you guys have all "moved on" after an extended depression period? As pathetic as it sounds this has been my life for so long now, and I've got so much to catch up on (can't even start college until January since I think I missed the registration deadline; I tried taking some community college classes earlier in the year and the stress was way too much) that it's weirdly overwhelming to think that there might be a medicine that's finally going to help. I've dealt with depression since I was twelve, and it's never lasted this long, and since I'm going through that high school-college transition it's even stranger - guess I feel kind of lost right now, and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do, assuming that the medicine even ends up kicking in and working, which I'm trying to be optimistic about.
So I've been heavily depressed for a year and a couple months now, had to finish high school by taking classes online (luckily I had always taken extra classes anyway, so my whole senior year I only had a few "real" classes to take), still don't even have my driver's license since mentally I haven't felt safe being on the road with other people, basically my whole life has been on pause for over a year and it's killing me.
Well, I started taking Viibryd, and I'm not sure whether or not it's working. I know that might be kind of a weird thing to say, but several people have said they've noticed a change, and to a very small extent I have as well. I think I just might be scared to start thinking I finally found a medicine that works, and since I've been on it for over two months now I guess I thought it would make more of an impact. I'm on the lowest dosage now and my next appointment is this week, so I think it'll probably be raised and then I might feel more of a change. Really scared of it just being a placebo effect; I've been on so many different meds (as well as exercise, blood tests, meditation, started taking Niacin pretty recently, and have been doing various other things that are supposed to help) that after long enough it gets hard to accept that something could be working.
Just wanted to know how you guys have all "moved on" after an extended depression period? As pathetic as it sounds this has been my life for so long now, and I've got so much to catch up on (can't even start college until January since I think I missed the registration deadline; I tried taking some community college classes earlier in the year and the stress was way too much) that it's weirdly overwhelming to think that there might be a medicine that's finally going to help. I've dealt with depression since I was twelve, and it's never lasted this long, and since I'm going through that high school-college transition it's even stranger - guess I feel kind of lost right now, and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do, assuming that the medicine even ends up kicking in and working, which I'm trying to be optimistic about.
SunhiLegend
Member
My life is fucked, has been for the last few years or so. I've been depressed for about the same time, sometimes it gets really bad. Never told anyone, my family would just laugh it off and tell me to get over it, that's just the way it is. I literally have no support. I need a change, I really do, I can't keep this up anymore. I need to go away for a while. Re-evaluate my life.
Are you me?
I noted some pages ago that my mother practically ignores my depression. I guess she doesn't even remember. Or chooses not to.
I don't talk about my depression to my friends because a)they don't know, b)they've had problems with their former friend who had depression so i'm afraid to note i'm depressed and c) we don't really talk about our own lives, at least not deeply, kinda unspoken deal not to burden each other with issues. Good friends all though.
Not talking to anyone sucks.
I spit a lot for the same reason. My mouth just feels overloaded with salavia whenever I talk with someone I don't feel 100% comforatble around for more than 5 minutes.
I kind of had the same "deal" with my friends up until a few months ago when I started opening up to one of my long-time friends. It has helped in some moments, but it sort of just feels like we're just sharing our problems rather than trying to work to help each other find possible routes for improvement/dealing with those issues. I'd still say it's a net benefit in the end, though.
I'm the kinda person who worries about others lives, at the expense of my own. I don't do anything about it... but knowing someone has problems just makes me feel even worse and helpless.
You know what i mean? Not sure how to explain it properly.
That's an issue where trying to gain someone elses perspective seems to go too far. I know that feeling. It helps in the short-run when you're faced with a situation you feel hopelessly alone in, but in the long-run it can just drag you down more (questions like "How do other people cope with this while I seem to fail?" or "What makes them so special compared to me?" really hurt me).
This is where communication can play a big role. Once you realize the extent to which you share those same anxieties and frustrations with other people, it can be a bit easier to handle, as you and your friends can serve to "prop" each other up when the other is feeling down.
I don't even consciously try to gain the other's perspective...
Sharing things is not really easy. I'm rather private person (by choice but raised to be one inadvertently (the worst is that i'm raised not to show emotions so keep all them bottled up)).
Ah, damn it. I was going to write something else too but it slipped from my mind.
EDIT now i remember: I've noticed me depression ain't as bad when i get to be alone for longer times (still living with my mother and brother). I'm inclined to belive if i lived alone, i could actually be motivated to do some stuff. Of course i need money and a job to live alone. But as long as i live here, i really can't give a shit about getting a job, i won't deal with the stress of a job and the stress caused by mother well. Neat problem, need to get both at once, which is practically impossible.
EDIT that said, i have no illusions living alone and having a job is some sort magical cure for depression. Absolutely no guarantees they'd actually help. Just what i hope.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
I made a Skype group for Depression GAF. It's free to sign up for Skype, so all you need to do is make an account and add me. PM me and I'll give you my Skype name so I can add you to the group.
Guess i'll make another skype account for this. Someday. When i get around it.
BlueSummers
Member
I have scene you post in this topic quite a bit. Don't give up man. I know it means nothing but at least at some random time, SOMEBODY saw your post, remembered you and is concerned about a fellow human being.
I know that feeling man.
My OCD has been driving me crazy the past week due to some health problems (my mind is coming up with the worst possible scenarios), which in turn has completely ruined me.
In life I have no clear road of where I'm going, and it's made worse by the fact I have almost too many goals I wish to achieve. I had a clear dream of what I wanted to be doing when I was a kid, but my life is such a blur right now.
I'm too scared of everything, and that includes getting help. It has also been one of the main reasons I'm still unemployed over a year after college, which makes me feel useless. I'm incredibly lonely, have confidence issues, lack motivation, and I just generally feel like a hole is missing.
We'll all be fine at somepoint I'm sure, but right now we're all going through hell.
Anyway I'm off to bed, I hope you all the best.
thanks.
Tell me more please.
Out of Working Order
Member
What is your OCD like, if you don't mind me asking?
OCD used to completely control me in my late teens to early 20's. In fact, I think it may have played a big part in holding me back.
For me, I'd have to do things in a certain order. I'd have to have a pleasant image in my mind when I walked through a door or sat down/think certain images in a specific sequence. If I walked a certain route through a building, I'd have to walk back through the exact same route but in the opposite direction to 'undo' it. I'd have to keep track of how many times I'd done different things too, like writing a particular word - it was mentally draining.
Over the last three years it's slowly faded away, because I began ignoring it and doing things outside of my comfort zone. I defied it and didn't listen to it. There's still a couple of niggly things, but it doesn't dominate my day anymore. I barely notice it now.
I'm still here! I'm trying to decide what to post (in excruciating detail) next. I'm on the neurology service for the next two weeks, so I'm thinking about the brain in a slightly different way. I will say that seeing people my age, with no risk factors, have carotid dissections and stroke out is all kinds of depressing.
In personal news, I met with my shrink and I'm going to bump up my Effexor to 150mg, from my current dose of 75mg. It makes me a little jittery already, but I'm just not feeling 100% back to normal. So now I have Klonopin to calm things down when I'm trying to sleep and I can't stop thinking about everything I have to do. I'm not crazy about living chemically - one pill to turn me on, another to turn me off - but with improved diet and exercise, and working incredibly long hours, I don't think I'm going to need sleep aids for long.
In personal news, I met with my shrink and I'm going to bump up my Effexor to 150mg, from my current dose of 75mg. It makes me a little jittery already, but I'm just not feeling 100% back to normal. So now I have Klonopin to calm things down when I'm trying to sleep and I can't stop thinking about everything I have to do. I'm not crazy about living chemically - one pill to turn me on, another to turn me off - but with improved diet and exercise, and working incredibly long hours, I don't think I'm going to need sleep aids for long.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
This was me a few years ago, to a tee. I managed to ignore it after a while, and it doesn't bother me anymore, but for several years it was controlling my every move.
revolverjgw
Member
Why are you so certain they'd laugh it off?
Mecha_Infantry
Banned
Posting up in here...
I don't know if I'm constantly suffering from it or just have bad bouts of it. A past occasion shows it's ugly head once in a while and that related with losing my fiancée some years ago, and not being in love till 5 years later (today) and that messing up = my head being fucked up again.
This time I'm mentally more prepared, but I have so much pressure on my head now and it seems like it's a pressure pot ready to explode again. Like many others in this thread, I'm afraid to talk to people close as they'll just say GET OVER IT..but eh
Anyway, my old thread is here: http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=425030
Thought I moved on completely but it still hurts
I don't know if I'm constantly suffering from it or just have bad bouts of it. A past occasion shows it's ugly head once in a while and that related with losing my fiancée some years ago, and not being in love till 5 years later (today) and that messing up = my head being fucked up again.
This time I'm mentally more prepared, but I have so much pressure on my head now and it seems like it's a pressure pot ready to explode again. Like many others in this thread, I'm afraid to talk to people close as they'll just say GET OVER IT..but eh
Anyway, my old thread is here: http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=425030
Thought I moved on completely but it still hurts
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
PM me your Skype name, and I'll add you to the chat.
Been thinking about relationships tonight. Browsing online dating sites and even craigslist I've come to the realization I probably never meet anyone ever. I'm way past 30 and alone. I keep thinking maybe this life isn't cut out for me, maybe i should have never been born. I hate it when people who are in relationships tell me i am better off alone or i have to wait. After 2 decades I'm pretty sure it isn't going to happen and if it did God or whomever loves to fuck up my life will probably wait until I'm 50 old and shitface and probably severely depressed. People say suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, yet after so many years why should i have to live on? for what? I'm not going to meet anyone a week from now, 8 weeks from now, 10 months from now and life isn't going to get better anytime soon. I'm think I am trying to persuade myself to just do it and be damned. I've been rejection 100% of the time and looking back maybe i should have killed myself sooner. I wish i could go back in time and tell myself there really isn't anything to live for.
Anyone see this? http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/248740.php
Apparently creatine supplementation (5mg daily) makes anti-depressants twice as effective, at least in women.
Creatine is cheap, so it's worth a try adding it to your anti-depressant even if you aren't a woman.
Apparently creatine supplementation (5mg daily) makes anti-depressants twice as effective, at least in women.
Creatine is cheap, so it's worth a try adding it to your anti-depressant even if you aren't a woman.
Out of Working Order
Member
What if in 2 or 3 years time you've already met somebody/feeling better about your life, and wish you could go back in time to the person you are now to tell yourself things are going to be fine?
I am in the same boat as you. I really want to meet somebody and have been single my entire life. I do feel very depressed about it. I find that browsing dating sites makes me feel worse, because all the women seem to have high requirements that I can't meet - certainly not with a short profile on a website. There are many facets to a person - how are you supposed to see those in an internet profile? I don't have a social life, so find it hard to meet people.
What's your routine after work? Do you go out with friends often?
No matter what I feel now, there's no way I can be 100% sure I won't meet somebody.
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