Depression

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ive been suffering from mild to moderate depression pretty much on and off through my whole life, ive been in it deep a few times, but not recently.

For people who are in it deep, this most likely won't help, but you can still try, but if you just got mild depression, changing your state of mind can do wonders. I know it sounds really weird, but if you think positive things, or make yourself think positive things, silly as it seems, it does help. I've been depressed these last few days, not very happy with my life, and school just started this week, so that added more stress, but I worked on being positive starting lastnight, because being negative does no good, and I'm feeling a bit better today.

you can read more about changing your state of mind here if you are interested in trying it, it really does help http://www.handbook-of-success.com/emotional-management
 
So lately I've been writing in a journal about life and in that journal I've been weighing the pros and cons of living. I think I've come to the conclusion there are more cons to living than pros. I think of it as there are people like myself that probably should not have existed, sort of like men and women with gender identity issues who feel they were born the wrong gender. Maybe I know in my ownself i should not have been born. There are people who can eat so many calories and fat a day and never gain weight, people who seem to get things on the first try, people that have great genes, people that seem to fall on their feet out of any bad situation, people that love and enjoy life and benefit everything there is from it, those people are the ones that should exist, not me. I am not one of those people and most likely never will be. In my journal I outlined a five year plan and how everything will still be the way it is 5 years from now as it was 5 years ago from today. Nothing is going to change even if I tried because when i try i fail. Change pretty much makes my life even worse than it is now. Looking back on everything I see that to be the truth. So why not just give up and go away. I don't have anything to contribute or even offer anything or anyone. Life, God, The universe, myself, whomever is against me so why not just lay down and give up. I have no obligations no children, no one who even want to be with me. I've torn and destroyed so many pages from my journal but what i leave in it I guess could be some last note of my life. My birthday is next month and I am not looking forward to it. Been praying I won't live to see it.
 
Has anyone here ever become "addicted" to sleep as a result of depression? Due to life circumstances I've had a tremendous increase in the severity of my depression in the past few weeks, and I've noticed a correlation with me sleeping longer and longer and still feeling tired and constantly craving sleep when I'm awake. I've always had a bad habit of taking 2-3 hour naps in the day on top of a full night's sleep when life feels too bleak for me to face, but things feel like they're getting out of control now. Sleeping 12-13 hour nights and feeling terrible the whole day. I just can't get myself to stop because it's so pleasurable and pretty much my only escape.

It's a vicious cycle because not being able to shake the fatigue really gets my anxiety going (wondering, is this fatigue really caused by depression? What if it's actually an obscure neurological disorder and I'm in permanent decline? etc etc.) which in turn exacerbates my depression which causes me to sleep more. This is clearly not a healthy habit for me so I'm going to try to force myself to stick to 7-8 hours a night through the use of an alarm, but it's going to be a test of my willpower to avoid unscheduled sleep. It also doesn't help that I'm most depressed in the morning (waking up, realizing that I have no job to go to and no responsibilities and that I might as well just be sleeping more), but I have to at least try. If anyone's had this problem and conquered it and has any tips I'd be eternally grateful.
 
Mad Pierrot said:
Has anyone here ever become "addicted" to sleep as a result of depression? Due to life circumstances I've had a tremendous increase in the severity of my depression in the past few weeks, and I've noticed a correlation with me sleeping longer and longer and still feeling tired and constantly craving sleep when I'm awake. I've always had a bad habit of taking 2-3 hour naps in the day on top of a full night's sleep when life feels too bleak for me to face, but things feel like they're getting out of control now. Sleeping 12-13 hour nights and feeling terrible the whole day. I just can't get myself to stop because it's so pleasurable and pretty much my only escape.
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Yeah, it's actually pretty common. I do it too. When life is just so painful that sleep effectively becomes a break and you want more and more of it.
 
Mad Pierrot said:
It also doesn't help that I'm most depressed in the morning (waking up, realizing that I have no job to go to and no responsibilities and that I might as well just be sleeping more), but I have to at least try.
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Yeah me too. Sleep is so nice, and it's not like I have anything else to do anyway.
 
Lately I've been entertaining this fantasy in my brain of simply packing up and going somewhere where no one knows me. I feel like the last three years or so have seen my situation go from just marginally subpar to outright disastrous, and I honestly have no clear path to get out of the hole I'm in. Friends and people I know have turned into damn near strangers, and my financial situation feels inescapable unless some miracle happens like a lottery ticket or something. It feels like there's no support network here, and no way to get any sort of help that would fix stupid money and work issues. And I know that moving my location won't change the circumstances of at least some of the things that are dragging me down, but a change of scenery would be nice. Maybe it's dumb, I don't know.
 
Flo said:
Does anyone else here use Valdoxan? I've been using it for about 1.5 years now and sometimes I get sick of having to take medication every night, but somehow I'm a little bit scared to stop using.
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if you feel like you can go on without your meds, talk to your doctor/therapist - don't ever stop using a drug, especially anti-depressants, without consulting your doctor first.
good luck!
 
I don't know if it's depression but I can relate to some things, I remember I was pretty down in general a few years back because life didn't go as planned and I witnessed a shooting that somehow made me feel awful and anxious for a few months (think it was PTSD since I told my buddy and he answered with that) but I never took meds or anything. Since then I've had ups and down, but luckily it's not as bad as back then. I guess someone to talk to really helps if you don't take medicine, whether it's a pro or just a friend/family member
 
neojubei said:
So lately I've been writing in a journal about life and in that journal I've been weighing the pros and cons of living. I think I've come to the conclusion there are more cons to living than pros. I think of it as there are people like myself that probably should not have existed, sort of like men and women with gender identity issues who feel they were born the wrong gender. Maybe I know in my ownself i should not have been born. There are people who can eat so many calories and fat a day and never gain weight, people who seem to get things on the first try, people that have great genes, people that seem to fall on their feet out of any bad situation, people that love and enjoy life and benefit everything there is from it, those people are the ones that should exist, not me. I am not one of those people and most likely never will be. In my journal I outlined a five year plan and how everything will still be the way it is 5 years from now as it was 5 years ago from today. Nothing is going to change even if I tried because when i try i fail. Change pretty much makes my life even worse than it is now. Looking back on everything I see that to be the truth. So why not just give up and go away. I don't have anything to contribute or even offer anything or anyone. Life, God, The universe, myself, whomever is against me so why not just lay down and give up. I have no obligations no children, no one who even want to be with me. I've torn and destroyed so many pages from my journal but what i leave in it I guess could be some last note of my life. My birthday is next month and I am not looking forward to it. Been praying I won't live to see it.
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Would you be willing to try medication again? I would recommend you give that another try, an honest try, and see how you feel after several months on a medication that is agreeable with you. If you can find something that helps you take the edge off your anxiety and depression, you may be more capable of making positive decisions isntead of endlessly ruminating and sinking deeper and deeper into the pit.
 
neojubei said:
So lately I've been writing in a journal about life and in that journal I've been weighing the pros and cons of living. I think I've come to the conclusion there are more cons to living than pros. I think of it as there are people like myself that probably should not have existed, sort of like men and women with gender identity issues who feel they were born the wrong gender. Maybe I know in my ownself i should not have been born. There are people who can eat so many calories and fat a day and never gain weight, people who seem to get things on the first try, people that have great genes, people that seem to fall on their feet out of any bad situation, people that love and enjoy life and benefit everything there is from it, those people are the ones that should exist, not me. I am not one of those people and most likely never will be. In my journal I outlined a five year plan and how everything will still be the way it is 5 years from now as it was 5 years ago from today. Nothing is going to change even if I tried because when i try i fail. Change pretty much makes my life even worse than it is now. Looking back on everything I see that to be the truth. So why not just give up and go away. I don't have anything to contribute or even offer anything or anyone. Life, God, The universe, myself, whomever is against me so why not just lay down and give up. I have no obligations no children, no one who even want to be with me. I've torn and destroyed so many pages from my journal but what i leave in it I guess could be some last note of my life. My birthday is next month and I am not looking forward to it. Been praying I won't live to see it.
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There is no God or Universe against you.

I am sorry you feel this way, and I hope you can find what you are looking for in your life.
 
jb1234 said:
Yeah, it's actually pretty common. I do it too. When life is just so painful that sleep effectively becomes a break and you want more and more of it.
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RatskyWatsky said:
Yeah me too. Sleep is so nice, and it's not like I have anything else to do anyway.
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Thanks, so I'm not just imagining a correlation between my emotional state and my energy level. I don't know if I'll ever be free of the urge to sleep constantly, but if I can at least get myself not to give in to those urges, I suppose that's enough. Still, even if I'm concerned for my own health, I have some external pressures motivating me. My family is starting to feel insulted and abandoned by how often I just get under the covers and tune out the world, and I can't entirely blame them. Even if I feel like I need it to quell an unspeakable psychological agony, from someone else's perspective I might appear as selfish or hedonistic. My parents are both ill and lonely and I don't want to add to their own sadness, as I'm often the only source of interaction that they have in the course of a day. I guess that I should be glad that I have some sort of motivation, even if it's guilt.
 
Mad Pierrot said:
Thanks, so I'm not just imagining a correlation between my emotional state and my energy level. I don't know if I'll ever be free of the urge to sleep constantly, but if I can at least get myself not to give in to those urges, I suppose that's enough. Still, even if I'm concerned for my own health, I have some external pressures motivating me. My family is starting to feel insulted and abandoned by how often I just get under the covers and tune out the world, and I can't entirely blame them. Even if I feel like I need it to quell an unspeakable psychological agony, from someone else's perspective I might appear as selfish or hedonistic. My parents are both ill and lonely and I don't want to add to their own sadness, as I'm often the only source of interaction that they have in the course of a day. I guess that I should be glad that I have some sort of motivation, even if it's guilt.
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Yeah, I hear you. It's damned hard simply getting the motivation to do anything. I've struggled with depression for years upon years (due to disability and also simply because it runs in my family).

I probably make it worse for myself by living alone and refusing to answer phone calls if I'm in one of my dark places. In theory, talking to people should make me feel better but the depression warps your mind and the way you view not only yourself but the people around you. It's a twisted, fucking bitch of a disease.
 
neojubei said:
So lately I've been writing in a journal about life and in that journal I've been weighing the pros and cons of living. I think I've come to the conclusion there are more cons to living than pros. I think of it as there are people like myself that probably should not have existed, sort of like men and women with gender identity issues who feel they were born the wrong gender. Maybe I know in my ownself i should not have been born. There are people who can eat so many calories and fat a day and never gain weight, people who seem to get things on the first try, people that have great genes, people that seem to fall on their feet out of any bad situation, people that love and enjoy life and benefit everything there is from it, those people are the ones that should exist, not me. I am not one of those people and most likely never will be. In my journal I outlined a five year plan and how everything will still be the way it is 5 years from now as it was 5 years ago from today. Nothing is going to change even if I tried because when i try i fail. Change pretty much makes my life even worse than it is now. Looking back on everything I see that to be the truth. So why not just give up and go away. I don't have anything to contribute or even offer anything or anyone. Life, God, The universe, myself, whomever is against me so why not just lay down and give up. I have no obligations no children, no one who even want to be with me. I've torn and destroyed so many pages from my journal but what i leave in it I guess could be some last note of my life. My birthday is next month and I am not looking forward to it. Been praying I won't live to see it.
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I'm sorry, but I don't understand why you keep posting in this thread. People have given you feedback and offered you advice multiple times, and you reject it and continue to mope about your life. Why do you continue to whine about your problems if you're not willing to change or listen to what anyone has to say? The only thing you've contributed to this thread is a negative atmosphere.

I'm not trying to be an asshole, but I'm getting sick of visiting this thread and seeing the same thing from you over and over. This is the first time I've been tempted to put someone on my ignore list.
 
Futureman said:
going off Lexapro.... any advice?

I've been on 10mg of Lexapro since 2007. I don't even take it every day now, but I start to feel that weird feeling in my head when I don't take it for a few days. I realize 10 mg is a pretty small dose, so maybe withdrawal won't be so bad?

I just ordered a refill... USPS.com says it was delievered and it never was. So I'm thinking of just weening myself off.
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I was on 20MG for like half a year and just went cold turkey. Felt really badly the first couple of weeks, had very distinct withdrawal systems (serious case of diziness)

Otherwise, though, feeling way happier and stronger (more independent) than I have in a long time. Haven't taken a med for maybe a year now. The lexapro seemed to have a positive effect, but I also felt like it made me more docile and tired. I preferred to open myself up to depression but have more energy throughout the day and just learn new coping skills.

I would ultimately recommend talking to a doctor, though, on how to ween yourself off.
 
OpinionatedCyborg said:
Would you be willing to try medication again? I would recommend you give that another try, an honest try, and see how you feel after several months on a medication that is agreeable with you. If you can find something that helps you take the edge off your anxiety and depression, you may be more capable of making positive decisions isntead of endlessly ruminating and sinking deeper and deeper into the pit.
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Medication doesn't help because it takes months and months to work and when i am at my lowest those drugs dont kick in so i will just take the whole bottle which won't anymore than taking one a day.

Empowerer Blarg said:
There is no God or Universe against you.

I am sorry you feel this way, and I hope you can find what you are looking for in your life.
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There is only one thing i want. Probably whats killing me inside since i cannot get it because the way i am born. Right now i think suicide is the best option if i cannot get a lobotomy. with death i wont have anymore feelings, wants, needs, or stay in this horrid self hatred.

Chinpoko_Master said:
I'm sorry, but I don't understand why you keep posting in this thread. People have given you feedback and offered you advice multiple times, and you reject it and continue to mope about your life. Why do you continue to whine about your problems if you're not willing to change or listen to what anyone has to say? The only thing you've contributed to this thread is a negative atmosphere.

I'm not trying to be an asshole, but I'm getting sick of visiting this thread and seeing the same thing from you over and over. This is the first time I've been tempted to put someone on my ignore list.
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Well when i am dead, hopefully soon, we both would get our wish.
 
so ive officially gone off th edeep end
I dont feel or care about anything any more
does it make me dangerous? possibly
 
neojubei said:
Medication doesn't help because it takes months and months to work and when i am at my lowest those drugs dont kick in so i will just take the whole bottle which won't anymore than taking one a day.



There is only one thing i want. Probably whats killing me inside since i cannot get it because the way i am born. Right now i think suicide is the best option if i cannot get a lobotomy. with death i wont have anymore feelings, wants, needs, or stay in this horrid self hatred.



Well when i am dead, hopefully soon, we both would get our wish.
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When you are this low, have you tried ECT treatment?

Its not permanent but will work to get you recipient of other forms of treatments.
 
fanboi said:
When you are this low, have you tried ECT treatment?

Its not permanent but will work to get you recipient of other forms of treatments.
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I don't think ECT can help me now in the middle of the night. If it can cause Brain damage I'll be willing to do it.
 
neojubei said:
I don't think ECT can help me now in the middle of the night. If it can cause Brain damage I'll be willing to do it.
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It's not going to cause brain damage, but it can basically reboot your brain. You've got all of these negative connections, messed up signaling - problems that the meds and therapy take serious time to untangle. ECT kind of shakes everything loose and lets your brain have another go at connecting things properly. You won't forget who you are or what third grade was like or whatever, but it does give you a chance to rewire your brain.


I'm finally taking a brief leave of absence from school to sort out some family issues, get back into therapy, and basically shake loose some residual issues from my years of depression that have been making school difficult. I think this is a great chance to get back on track. I was trying to sort out some things while working 10, 11 or more hour days and spending the rest of the time studying. I need a little focused time to rebalance my life, address some issues, and generally get my shit together. I feel most of the way there, but that last bit of getting completely healthy was not happening.

So...plenty of time to talk depression stuff in the next few weeks. :)
 
Bagels said:
It's not going to cause brain damage, but it can basically reboot your brain. You've got all of these negative connections, messed up signaling - problems that the meds and therapy take serious time to untangle. ECT kind of shakes everything loose and lets your brain have another go at connecting things properly. You won't forget who you are or what third grade was like or whatever, but it does give you a chance to rewire your brain.


I'm finally taking a brief leave of absence from school to sort out some family issues, get back into therapy, and basically shake loose some residual issues from my years of depression that have been making school difficult. I think this is a great chance to get back on track. I was trying to sort out some things while working 10, 11 or more hour days and spending the rest of the time studying. I need a little focused time to rebalance my life, address some issues, and generally get my shit together. I feel most of the way there, but that last bit of getting completely healthy was not happening.

So...plenty of time to talk depression stuff in the next few weeks. :)
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my GP asked me if i had memory problems, and suggested against ECT
 
Uchip said:
my GP asked me if i had memory problems, and suggested against ECT
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I should have mentioned that memory loss IS the biggest side effect of ECT. Generally it will be limited to the day of the procedure. With ultra-brief, unilateral ECT, even that does not happen as often. I had a patient do 7 ECT sessions (probably more later - I moved to a different service at the time) with no memory loss - could recall everything right up to the point the anesthesia kicked in.

In the past, memory loss was a much bigger deal, with people losing not only the time around the sessions, but sometimes losing earlier memories too. From my discussions with the ECT specialists here, anything more than not remembering the time around the treatment is not normal. Let me look at the literature and see what things look like with the very latest technique.

Thanks for calling me out. I should have mentioned the issue with memory loss.


A review of published studies suggests that impairment of autobiographical memory is still an issue. There is a confounding effect in that depressed people generally experience some memory impairment from the disease itself. Even if someone returns to their full, pre-ECT memory following treatment, they may still show memory loss compared to healthy controls.
 
Bagels said:
I should have mentioned that memory loss IS the biggest side effect of ECT. Generally it will be limited to the day of the procedure. With ultra-brief, unilateral ECT, even that does not happen as often. I had a patient do 7 ECT sessions (probably more later - I moved to a different service at the time) with no memory loss - could recall everything right up to the point the anesthesia kicked in.

In the past, memory loss was a much bigger deal, with people losing not only the time around the sessions, but sometimes losing earlier memories too. From my discussions with the ECT specialists here, anything more than not remembering the time around the treatment is not normal. Let me look at the literature and see what things look like with the very latest technique.

Thanks for calling me out. I should have mentioned the issue with memory loss.


A review of published studies suggests that impairment of autobiographical memory is still an issue. There is a confounding effect in that depressed people generally experience some memory impairment from the disease itself. Even if someone returns to their full, pre-ECT memory following treatment, they may still show memory loss compared to healthy controls.
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well I already constantly forget what im doing, and walk into the wrong rooms and put things in the wrong place. I couldn't even imagine it being worse and dont want to take that chance
 
Uchip said:
well I already constantly forget what im doing, and walk into the wrong rooms and put things in the wrong place. I couldn't even imagine it being worse and dont want to take that chance
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True - that's a tough call. Your memory problems could be caused by your depression, or at least made worse by it. We've talked about all that before, so I won't go into it again.

Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) is a newer technique that's like ECT only using magnetism instead of zapping your brain. You're not put under for TMS, and as far as I know, there aren't memory effects. Again, let me do a quick check. It's still in the trial stages, but you might be the kind of person who should be in those trials.
 
If ECT can get rid of my memory i am all for it. If it can wipe out at least 15 years of my life it would be a godsent
 
neojubei said:
If ECT can get rid of my memory i am all for it. If it can wipe out at least 15 years of my life it would be a godsent
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If it wiped out 15 years of your memory, something will have gone very, very wrong. What ECT can do is make the painful memories more bearable. That's what any therapy for depression should do. When you're depressed, one theory goes that your brain makes all sorts of bad connections. So a bad experience is hard-wired to feelings of regret, shame, inferiority, hopelessness. ECT (or antidepressants) shakes those connections up and causes the release of chemicals that let you rewire things. So you can deal with the painful events of the past, learn from them, and make peace with them.

Jubei, ECT is the fastest, most effective therapy for depression. It does not work for everyone, but for some people it's like magic. And if memory loss is not a concern for you, barring other medical problems, you might be a great candidate. If it doesn't work, it's not like you'll have wasted months. We're talking more like two weeks if it's a complete failure. Once you're dead, you're dead, and you can stay dead forever. I'd take a little time to try something that might change your life before I did anything permanent.

PM me and I can help you look around for a treatment center. I can see what you would need to get referred here for ECT (or one of the other big hospitals in the area - I have friends with experience getting patients in to those centers for ECT), if it's close enough, etc. Then I could come visit you on behalf of Depression-GAF!
 
Bagels said:
If it wiped out 15 years of your memory, something will have gone very, very wrong. What ECT can do is make the painful memories more bearable. That's what any therapy for depression should do. When you're depressed, one theory goes that your brain makes all sorts of bad connections. So a bad experience is hard-wired to feelings of regret, shame, inferiority, hopelessness. ECT (or antidepressants) shakes those connections up and causes the release of chemicals that let you rewire things. So you can deal with the painful events of the past, learn from them, and make peace with them.

Jubei, ECT is the fastest, most effective therapy for depression. It does not work for everyone, but for some people it's like magic. And if memory loss is not a concern for you, barring other medical problems, you might be a great candidate. If it doesn't work, it's not like you'll have wasted months. We're talking more like two weeks if it's a complete failure. Once you're dead, you're dead, and you can stay dead forever. I'd take a little time to try something that might change your life before I did anything permanent.

PM me and I can help you look around for a treatment center. I can see what you would need to get referred here for ECT (or one of the other big hospitals in the area - I have friends with experience getting patients in to those centers for ECT), if it's close enough, etc. Then I could come visit you on behalf of Depression-GAF!
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You sound like a great guy, take this up!

Also, bring bagels.
 
neojubei said:
Well when i am dead, hopefully soon, we both would get our wish.
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I don't actually wish any harm on you. I only wish you would refrain from posting your negative thoughts if you're just going to ignore the suggestions of others. That is, unless it helps you vent or something, but having that much self-hatred is unhealthy and it doesn't sound like it's helping you much.
 
Bagels said:
If it wiped out 15 years of your memory, something will have gone very, very wrong. What ECT can do is make the painful memories more bearable. That's what any therapy for depression should do. When you're depressed, one theory goes that your brain makes all sorts of bad connections. So a bad experience is hard-wired to feelings of regret, shame, inferiority, hopelessness. ECT (or antidepressants) shakes those connections up and causes the release of chemicals that let you rewire things. So you can deal with the painful events of the past, learn from them, and make peace with them.

Jubei, ECT is the fastest, most effective therapy for depression. It does not work for everyone, but for some people it's like magic. And if memory loss is not a concern for you, barring other medical problems, you might be a great candidate. If it doesn't work, it's not like you'll have wasted months. We're talking more like two weeks if it's a complete failure. Once you're dead, you're dead, and you can stay dead forever. I'd take a little time to try something that might change your life before I did anything permanent.

PM me and I can help you look around for a treatment center. I can see what you would need to get referred here for ECT (or one of the other big hospitals in the area - I have friends with experience getting patients in to those centers for ECT), if it's close enough, etc. Then I could come visit you on behalf of Depression-GAF!
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ECT isn't going to fix not being born at all. After the procedure I'll still be the same person with the same problems. With death at least it is permanent and I don't have to think or feel or anything like that.
 
neojubei said:
ECT isn't going to fix not being born at all. After the procedure I'll still be the same person with the same problems. With death at least it is permanent and I don't have to think or feel or anything like that.
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After ECT you won't be the same person. You'll still have gone through what you've gone through, but you can find meaning, purpose and happiness for the next 10, 20, 50 years.

At this point, many people have offered to help. You keep saying that you cannot get better, but it really sounds like you don't want to get better. You're the champion of your own hopelessness; science, medicine, and personal stories (including my own) are all on the side of the possibility of you getting better. You're sabotaging yourself. I don't see a ton of other people telling you you're a lost cause. Entertain, for just one minute, the idea that people live through unbearable hardness and suffering and still wind up with fulfilling, joyful, unbelievable lives. You need to want that and, for now, you need just the tiniest doubt that it's all over for you.

My offer of help still stands, because I honestly care, but I'll stop trying to help if you'll just brush me off every time. If you don't want to get better, I can't make you. Nor am I able to convince you that you can get better, so I feel like I'm just wasting both of our time. It breaks my heart, but I've done just about all I can (offered to, at least).
 
Fight it. It's the hardest fight you'll ever endure in your entire life. Worse than any physical pain you can withstand.

But you can conquer it and come out at the other side.

And you'll be more strong than you've ever thought you could be.
 
Pizarro said:
I hate life. I'm just waiting to bury my parents. Hopefully my mind may change in the future.
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Is there anything we can do to help? Are you seeing anyone for mental health issues?

Your life can and will change - everyone's does - and while you can't always completely control it, you can work at changing it for the better.

I'm always available to talk in PMs.
 
Bagels said:
If it wiped out 15 years of your memory, something will have gone very, very wrong. What ECT can do is make the painful memories more bearable. That's what any therapy for depression should do. When you're depressed, one theory goes that your brain makes all sorts of bad connections. So a bad experience is hard-wired to feelings of regret, shame, inferiority, hopelessness. ECT (or antidepressants) shakes those connections up and causes the release of chemicals that let you rewire things. So you can deal with the painful events of the past, learn from them, and make peace with them.

Jubei, ECT is the fastest, most effective therapy for depression. It does not work for everyone, but for some people it's like magic. And if memory loss is not a concern for you, barring other medical problems, you might be a great candidate. If it doesn't work, it's not like you'll have wasted months. We're talking more like two weeks if it's a complete failure. Once you're dead, you're dead, and you can stay dead forever. I'd take a little time to try something that might change your life before I did anything permanent.

PM me and I can help you look around for a treatment center. I can see what you would need to get referred here for ECT (or one of the other big hospitals in the area - I have friends with experience getting patients in to those centers for ECT), if it's close enough, etc. Then I could come visit you on behalf of Depression-GAF!
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And this ^ is the opportunity that probably won't come around again.
 
I am legitimately bored with life. I have no joy and I don't envision a brighter future. The waiting game is a fool's game. Sure, things may get better, but do I really want to wait to find out?
 
ThisWreckage said:
I am legitimately bored with life. I have no joy and I don't envision a brighter future. The waiting game is a fool's game. Sure, things may get better, but do I really want to wait to find out?
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Honestly? I'm going to guess there are a zillion things you haven't experienced that each would change your life for the better.

Anhedonia - a complete lack of interest in your normal activities (or anything, really) is a common feature of depression. It's hard to imagine you'll be interested in anything again, but you will.

Playing the waiting game is for fools. You can't just wait to get better, you have to work at it. It sucks, but you need meds, therapy, ECT, exercise, a stay in the hospital - some of it or all of it.

You get a relatively short amount of time to be alive. You'll be dead forever. What's the rush? There were times I wanted to die, times I came close to ending it all. I've had amazing experiences since then. I took my son to the state fair yesterday and I'll remember that forever. With treatment for my depression (which i still ongoing), not only do I enjoy my hobbies again (playing Dark Souls is just totally absorbing - that would not have happened before), but I can experience intense happiness, complete joy. I spent the entire day with my son - I would not miss one of those days for anything. It's not just about being a proud father, it's also about having my medical problem treated so my brain will let me feel happy.
 
I think for me, I just have to accept that the path I've gone down has meant that there's some parts of life I'm simply not going to have, and that some people either can't or won't be a part of it. It's the letting go of things that's hard, really, when you are only holding on to very little as it is. :shrug:
 
Bagels said:
Is there anything we can do to help? Are you seeing anyone for mental health issues?

Your life can and will change - everyone's does - and while you can't always completely control it, you can work at changing it for the better.

I'm always available to talk in PMs.
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I'm not. I'm not suicidal either but like ThisWreckage I'm very bored with life. Like I said maybe at some point I'll break out of my funk long enough to improve myself and maybe get a girlfriend, but I'm a very neurotic individual and looking beyond my goals results in disillusionment.
 
Pizarro said:
I'm not. I'm not suicidal either but like ThisWreckage I'm very bored with life. Like I said maybe at some point I'll break out of my funk long enough to improve myself and maybe get a girlfriend, but I'm a very neurotic individual and looking beyond my goals results in disillusionment.
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Waiting to break out of it isn't going to work for most people. We tend to reinforce our negative behaviors. Seeing a counselor or a psychiatrist might help. It's not like you have to go on meds or start seeing a therapist every week, but they may have some advice that may be of help. From a medication perspective, there are drugs that treat both depression and anxiety/neuroticism. It's something to think about, anyway. Shoot me a PM if you wan to talk more.
 
I always make the comparison to diabetes (a "real" disease) - would you just wait for your blood sugar to correct itself? Wait for your pancreas to make insulin? No, of course not. So why would you wait for your brain to just fix itself?*

*Granted, many people do recover from depression over time with no treatment. But is the best strategy to just hope it goes away? Some people experience spontaneous remission from cancer. No one is going to suggest you just sit on it and hope you're one of the lucky ones.
 
I set up a new skype account if people want to talk to me that way. I'm gaf.bagels. I'll try to have that open most of the time. That should be a little bit better than PMs.

Always happy to help, share my story, look up stuff for you, just listen and be non-judgmental, whatever. I'm on a break from medical school, so I'll be around and part of my job is to study medicine anyway, so it's not like talking about depression is just a total act of charity on my part. You learn medicine best from actual patients, so I'm always interested in hearing your stories, what has worked/ hasn't worked for you.

If you want to talk about medical school or careers in medicine or medical research, I'm happy to talk about that too.

I'm still in the depression GAF skype as well.

*Sorry. Double post.
 
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