This sounds exactly like me.
Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
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half a moon
Banned
Ok, I'm a 24 year old hermit that does nothing daily. Just sit around the house. No friends. Social anxiety, general anziety, depression, self-conscious about weight. I could lose the desired weight in like 3-4 months of dieting, but I just do nothing. On prozac that helps a tiny bit. Can't afford therapy. Can't find any job with with online applications. Even applied to some fast foods.
Any advice? I really need to turn thing around.
Any advice? I really need to turn thing around.
Well, if the Prozac isn't doing it for you, there are tons of other generic (cheap) meds to try. Finding the right med can make the other things (losing weight, getting motivated about trying new things, finding a job, etc.) way easier.
Have you tried anything for the anxiety? SSRIs can actually help with that, too. There are other meds to try as well, if you're open to that option.
I have a post about anxiety meds earlier in this thread.
-more later-
Pai Pai Master
Banned
Thanks guys. I know it's something I will ultimately need to figure out for myself, but your advice is really helpful. I think it's just going to take a lot of small things to fix, and some more time reflecting on why I'm so damn unhappy with myself all the time.
I've thought about doing a gym class but I still feel pretty anxious interacting with people at the gym. I went yesterday for the first time in a while and I feel like I can get more done if I just throw my headphones on and get to work. Maybe engaging some people there could help, though.
I'm thinking about moving my computer down to my living room so I'm not spending so much time on it before bed and perpetuating the problem. The bedroom seems like a bad place for a PC when I'm having sleep troubles and I think I can make some space for it. I can be having a pretty good day before it, but if I go up and sit down at my computer after like, 8pm, I'm pretty much done for the night and waste so much time just mindlessly browsing the web, or playing games for way too long. I feel like if I can accomplish one thing at a time, starting with my sleeping habits, it might help turn things around.
You are all awesome people. Thanks again for your words.
I've thought about doing a gym class but I still feel pretty anxious interacting with people at the gym. I went yesterday for the first time in a while and I feel like I can get more done if I just throw my headphones on and get to work. Maybe engaging some people there could help, though.
I'm thinking about moving my computer down to my living room so I'm not spending so much time on it before bed and perpetuating the problem. The bedroom seems like a bad place for a PC when I'm having sleep troubles and I think I can make some space for it. I can be having a pretty good day before it, but if I go up and sit down at my computer after like, 8pm, I'm pretty much done for the night and waste so much time just mindlessly browsing the web, or playing games for way too long. I feel like if I can accomplish one thing at a time, starting with my sleeping habits, it might help turn things around.
You are all awesome people. Thanks again for your words.
If that's her help, she is very bad at therapy. You can't help someone with depression if you put them on the defensive immediately like that.
Ok, looks like I could potentially have a job as a runner (gofer for you Americans) in an industry I don't even want to get into (post-production). I know it's a job, but I've feared getting a runners job even in an industry closer to mine, let alone another.
I'm incredibly depressed since I know my life will be sucked away even further due to long hours.
I don't have enough motivation to do work now, let alone when I'm doing a runners job.
It feels like I will never be able to live my life and have fun, and I personally feel like I never had the chance to do that in college, let alone now.
Fuck my life.
I'm incredibly depressed since I know my life will be sucked away even further due to long hours.
I don't have enough motivation to do work now, let alone when I'm doing a runners job.
It feels like I will never be able to live my life and have fun, and I personally feel like I never had the chance to do that in college, let alone now.
Fuck my life.
I'm going to a wedding next weekend as a groomsman and I don't know if I've ever been this socially uncomfortable about something. It's no problem with the wedding itself or the people involved, so I can't really explain how this feeling started or why, but it's like this impending dread about it that I can't seem to shake. I feel horrible about it because the groom is one of the more important people to be in my life, but at the same time I can't deny the way I feel, even if I can't explain it fully.
I think I'm just going to suck it up, try and not mess anything up, and then vanish afterward and try to sort out my life. Nothing's right.
I think I'm just going to suck it up, try and not mess anything up, and then vanish afterward and try to sort out my life. Nothing's right.
For what purpose?
From what I've heard, they're both very, very 'heavy' drugs. Very sedating. And Zyprexa, at least, can cause monster weight gain.
I've found a great website for ANECDOTAL (but still very informative) information on a whole variety of medications is crazymeds.us
Gave me some peace of mind when I was desperately trying one medication after another.
vatstep
This poster pulses with an appeal so broad the typical restraints of our societies fall by the wayside.
I'm going to be a groomsman in a wedding coming up next month as well, and am in a similar boat. It's for my only true friend, I'd say. I have a few others, but not really on the same level. I'm just glad I'm not the best man. Way too much pressure/responsibility for me.
The social aspect isn't what bothers me so much, as I have no problem sitting quietly and not talking to anyone I'm exceptionally good at it. Besides, I'll know a decent number of the people there. It's more the fact that it's going to throw a wrench in the gears of my routine, which is a massive source of comfort for me. I do virtually the same thing on the same schedule every day. Weekends are even more important to me since I hate the workweek so goddamn much, and I'll be losing one to attend this wedding (I'll be gone for two days and two nights, in another part of the state). It makes me feel very uncomfortable. Oddly enough, I wasn't this way even a year ago it's gotten really bad since my girlfriend left me and moved out six months ago. Living alone, although I love it, is seemingly not healthy for me and I've known that to be the case in the past. It's a shitty dichotomy.
Looking forward to just getting it over with.
I'm the worst I've been for a long time, and it has only gotten worse today.
No more fun in life it would seem (before it even started), and it feels like it's all downhill from here.
I've yet to truly enjoy myself, and I feel like I've missed out on a huge chunk of my life between the ages of 16-21. Whereas others are out enjoying themselves living their youth, I've felt trapped. Sure I go out (probably not for much longer), but I simply feel like I've missed my adolescence.
Despite being 22, I feel like a young man trapped in the body of an old man.
it could be worse. you could be me. The more i think about ECT the more i doubt it will work for me. My birthday was yesterday, i should have died, there really isn't anything to look forward to. My birthday is like any other crappy day for me just like tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that. Holidays like valentine's day will be like the same valentine's day for the past 10 years sad and alone and guys much much younger than me will be in their first relationships. Whether i live or died nothing in the last ten years and in the next ten years will change. I have to get out of here. ECT isn't going to change anything at all. I'll still be the lonely loser i was yesterday, today, 5 months from now and 10 years from now. Being alive is a cancer i need to kill.
I wish I could explain mine as a routine-buster, but I kinda look forward to getting out of the house. It's just this weird premonition that something bad is going to happen, but before I knew I was even invited to this wedding, I didn't have that feeling. So maybe I feel like my involvement will somehow lead to something bad? I don't know. I just know that I'm tired of feeling how I feel. Not just about this, but most things in general.
I haven't had the chance to read through all 50 plus pages, but I want to say to everyone in this thread and lurking, be strong guys and gals. Bless you all and be strong.
i was going through a tough time, but I am thankful for my loving mom. I just turned 24 last Sept. 11, and now as i grow older, I am appreciating her more and more. learn to appreciate family guys, be positive, they're the ones who can give you unconditional love and understanding.
god bless everyone
i was going through a tough time, but I am thankful for my loving mom. I just turned 24 last Sept. 11, and now as i grow older, I am appreciating her more and more. learn to appreciate family guys, be positive, they're the ones who can give you unconditional love and understanding.
god bless everyone
Going to see my therapist today and ask about that ECT thing. If he says no then I'll just die tonight I think. There is no use living in this mind or life anymore. If I jumped in front of a train it would not matter and I would just finally get the peace I want.
There is nothing to love for man least for me. Things don't get better at all
theres probably something out there you enjoy
im suicidal a lot, but i keep coming back to life because i like making music pretty much
Music is for you so you have something that's good. For me I have absolutely nothing I should have died 5 years ago. 5 years of a wasted life isn't worth living at all.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
What meds and for how long?
Man, I had just about the worst conversation about my emotional problems that I probably ever could have hoped to have. It pretty much boiled down to a combination of "it's all in your head so you have 100% control over the way you feel", "you're selfish/starving children in Africa so your problems are invalid", and "this is a test from God and you need to trust him more". I know that I have some character flaws, but I'm getting pretty demoralized by the fact that I can only seem to get criticism in the guise of advice. I sure as hell don't want to be coddled, but I'd at least like a little recognition from the people in my life that I have a real problem, that I am actively trying to combat it, and that I'm not just faking "real" illness for pity and to avoid responsibility.
Really, how do you explain being cognizant that you have behavioral issues while simultaneously feeling that you're at the mercy of these thoughts and impulses? To someone without these issues I can imagine that it seems to be a very simple issue of "state of mind" or "mind over matter" or whatnot, so now I honestly don't know whether or not I'm just bad at articulating why simply being "conscious" that I have a problem isn't enough for me to be able to solve it or if everyone is right and I'm just making excuses. I'm not saying the following to bait people into responding with "no, that's not true!", but I honestly wonder sometimes now if I really am just a terrible person who enjoys wallowing in my own sadness more than living like a normal person. Surely what everyone in my life thinks of me can't be wrong.
Really, how do you explain being cognizant that you have behavioral issues while simultaneously feeling that you're at the mercy of these thoughts and impulses? To someone without these issues I can imagine that it seems to be a very simple issue of "state of mind" or "mind over matter" or whatnot, so now I honestly don't know whether or not I'm just bad at articulating why simply being "conscious" that I have a problem isn't enough for me to be able to solve it or if everyone is right and I'm just making excuses. I'm not saying the following to bait people into responding with "no, that's not true!", but I honestly wonder sometimes now if I really am just a terrible person who enjoys wallowing in my own sadness more than living like a normal person. Surely what everyone in my life thinks of me can't be wrong.
I think I belong in here right now... 
I managed to lose two jobs today, which got me crying so hard, I hyperventilated. Awesome.
I hate my life. I'm going to school but I can't help but feel once I finish, I still won't be able to find a real job. I hate customer service jobs. I hate going to these jobs and half the managers are my age/younger.
I hate me. I'm ugly, stupid, have emotional problems, have problems with men, problems with trusting anyone other than my friends. I've hated myself and the way I look since... probably when I was 9? I don't remember ever not hating myself.
I'm not clinically depressed. Just not happy. I don't remember ever being happy.
I managed to lose two jobs today, which got me crying so hard, I hyperventilated. Awesome.
I hate my life. I'm going to school but I can't help but feel once I finish, I still won't be able to find a real job. I hate customer service jobs. I hate going to these jobs and half the managers are my age/younger.
I hate me. I'm ugly, stupid, have emotional problems, have problems with men, problems with trusting anyone other than my friends. I've hated myself and the way I look since... probably when I was 9? I don't remember ever not hating myself.
I'm not clinically depressed. Just not happy. I don't remember ever being happy.
Venlafaxine for 3-4 weeks i think. dont think it will work
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
I think I belong in here right now...
I managed to lose two jobs today, which got me crying so hard, I hyperventilated. Awesome.
I hate my life. I'm going to school but I can't help but feel once I finish, I still won't be able to find a real job. I hate customer service jobs. I hate going to these jobs and half the managers are my age/younger.
I hate me. I'm ugly, stupid, have emotional problems, have problems with men, problems with trusting anyone other than my friends. I've hated myself and the way I look since... probably when I was 9? I don't remember ever not hating myself.
I'm not clinically depressed. Just not happy. I don't remember ever being happy.
I don't know about the rest of your post, but if that's you in your avatar, you certainly aren't ugly.
Then what? If the meds don't help then he'll give you the ECT? Or is it if the meds do help?
I don't trust anyone who isn't my friend. If I decide they are relatively trustworthy, then they *become* my friend. = DI think I belong in here right now...
I managed to lose two jobs today, which got me crying so hard, I hyperventilated. Awesome.
I hate my life. I'm going to school but I can't help but feel once I finish, I still won't be able to find a real job. I hate customer service jobs. I hate going to these jobs and half the managers are my age/younger.
I hate me. I'm ugly, stupid, have emotional problems, have problems with men, problems with trusting anyone other than my friends. I've hated myself and the way I look since... probably when I was 9? I don't remember ever not hating myself.
I'm not clinically depressed. Just not happy. I don't remember ever being happy.
You can look at a customer service manager and feel jealousy, but do you really envy their position? Shitty customer service mid-level management is just as awful a job as your current job, but maybe they get an extra 8k a year with which to buy useless material bullshit to try and make themselves feel better. (Spoilers: it won't work)
A college degree automatically opens up a wave of possible employment opportunities just for having one. Will it be easy to get a job after your graduate? No. But eventually (it could take a few years, even) you should be able to find something beyond shitty retail/service jobs, to do something that makes you feel a little fulfillment.
It's unlikely you're actually ugly *or* stupid. Your writing style is highly indicative of an educated person. But your self-esteem is shot to hell right now. Don't worry...it'll work out. = D
I already have a college degree. Couldn't make it in that area, so I'm back in school again... I don't see another degree helping me though. :/
All I want in life is enough money to travel. Then I can go live in the mountains somewhere in Europe. I don't see myself ever accomplishing it, though...
I'm just really depressed right now. I can't believe I managed to lose two jobs in one day.
You didnt lose two jobs, You just successfully found out two jobs that are not meant for you.
/butchering of Thomas Edison's quote
But why not give it a shot? Similar medications have worked wonders for many, including myself, my father, my sister and several others I've known.
Venlafaxine treats anxiety, too, so it can kill two birds with one stone.
It's hard to understand how things can get better, but you'd be surprised just how far a better perspective can go. Depression is like a thick fog - when you're inside of it it's impossible to see a way out. But once you're out and can see clearly you'll be glad you wandered through it.
Not that it's a binary thing. We all end up back in the fog at some point.
Has your depression been unipolar? As in, no unexplainable mood fluctuations, just depression? If so, it's Venlafaxine is worth trying.
I'm not going to pretend like these medications are perfect. They're not. Especially SSRIs/SNRIs. But there are several times in my life where I would have let it all go were it not for the medications I was on, building even the smallest barrier between me and utter hopelessness. Zoloft (SSRI) was one of those.
Halcyon
Member
I can't decide if I need to go on some sort of anti depressants. I'm definitely depressed but I feel like its because of life circumstance rather than a medical imbalance.
My wife was cheating on me for a year. I lost my job(through no fault of my own). My closest friends all moved away and now I live with my grandmother because I'm not in a financial position to get an apartment of my own.
My job I lost pays me unemployment and I'm also getting paid to go back to school. I'm I'm a graphic design program at a trade school. The school kinda sucks but I'm basically spending all my time doing design work on my own reading Photoshop magazines and obsessively watching stuff on YouTube. I feel like I have a chance to turn things around but everyday I still wake up from nitemares of my wife with another man.
I feel like I'm sorta living in a bad dream that I can't wake up from. I'm nice to people at school and I try to spend time with my family but I mostly just want to lay in bed and zone out.
My body reacts to the pain I'm in by shutting down so I'm just wondering what medication would do. The problems and loneliness will still be here.
My wife was cheating on me for a year. I lost my job(through no fault of my own). My closest friends all moved away and now I live with my grandmother because I'm not in a financial position to get an apartment of my own.
My job I lost pays me unemployment and I'm also getting paid to go back to school. I'm I'm a graphic design program at a trade school. The school kinda sucks but I'm basically spending all my time doing design work on my own reading Photoshop magazines and obsessively watching stuff on YouTube. I feel like I have a chance to turn things around but everyday I still wake up from nitemares of my wife with another man.
I feel like I'm sorta living in a bad dream that I can't wake up from. I'm nice to people at school and I try to spend time with my family but I mostly just want to lay in bed and zone out.
My body reacts to the pain I'm in by shutting down so I'm just wondering what medication would do. The problems and loneliness will still be here.
My mood goes up and down a lot, especially when i think about my life. if the medication doesn't help me i could probably overdose or something. i really do not look forward to any day in my life.
I have nearly every symptom of Generalized Anxiety Disorder along with some depression, so today I talked with my doctor about it. I was prescribed a daily dose of Effexor and also Xanax for when I go into to straight up panic mode. This anxiety shit has been ruining my life for years, I feel so much better after talking to my doctor and she knew exactly what I was talking about. I felt alone about this in the past. hoping for the best for myself and everyone else here. Fear is straight up torture and no one deserves that.
Collete
Member
The bolded statement I feel is something I go through in depression as well.
I'm scared some day that I will realize; I'm just a crummy person that just wants to stay in her own sadness and my boyfriend, friends and family will realize this and abandon me.
But again, it's your issues talking, not you who you really are.
I think the people saying that to you just don't get how a person that has behavioral issues have to deal with problems.
You are under behavioral issues + reality issues and a combination of the two just makes things much worse.
For instance, a recent example, I had an issue with something I said to someone.
Not going to detail what I said, however, what I said to them there could have been real consequences.
Me having some anxiety issues, I blew this up in my head much worse and made me panic the whole day.
A person who doesn't understand will just tell me to get over it when that's just deeply insulting since it was a genuine issue to me.
If they did understand, probably question why it made me nervous and get to the root cause of it.
There's a big difference if a person understands or not; it greatly can affect how feedback can be.
Is the person who's telling you all those statements your sister again?
I hope I'm not trying to coddle you as you said, but I think one of the toughest thing with family and friends is trying to get the other party to realize you have issues.
It's not as easy sometimes, even if you tell them face front.
They just won't accept it sometimes.
For instance, I know with my family and friends it takes a ton of effort to get them to realize that I have issues and to this day, my mother does not believe I'm depressed even *after* she talked to my previous therapist.
Always they think I'm not depressed and I'm just being a brat.
What's been helping from me with experience, is slowly telling my mother the truth of my issues and letting her see the reality of my emotions on the issue. So far I've been starting off small and telling her issues about my depression, but nothing as severe (may not apply to you, but for example telling her I'm uncomfortable/nervous about a test or a person; but nothing life altering). It's been working for now and I'm hoping she's starting to realize this stuff is out of my control for the most part. Point is I think it's just exposure but in small amounts at a time to make someone else realize the reality.
I'm sorry I'm not giving good advice. However I do hope something helps.
Consider Buspar (Buspirone). For some reasons a lot of doctors don't use it any more but, for me, it has been (and continues to be) much, much, much, much more effective than any SSRIs I've tried at controlling never-ending anxiety. With no side effects! And it's got way less dependance / addiction potential than Benzodiazpaines (like Xanax) or even the 'safer' SSRIs/SNRIs.
I didn't realize how anxious I was until I started taking it. Just a week later, it was night and day. No joke, it changed my life. Apparently it can be straight up placebo for some people, but since it's so benign and available generic it's absolutely worth a shot.
In my opinion, everyone should give it a shot BEFORE they get into addictive, heavier and potentially pricier SSRIs/SNRIs.
That being said, it only controls general anxiety, not panic. I still have to take a small dose of Klonopin every night to stave off any possible episodes.
Still...good god I can't praise it enough. My 'irritable bowel syndrome' disappeared completely. I refused to admit that it was anxiety related until it was gone.
Bel Marduk
Banned
Just out of curiosity, what do you think happens after you die?
Thanks for the advice! I don't know much about the drugs or how they work so I am just learning what will be best for me. I'm so glad you found something that works for you because I know full well how debilitating anxiety can be. I hardly go out and I have to force myself to go to work because of how anxious I have been over the past several years. I don't know how many times I've been convinced that I am near death or something is really wrong with my health, when the anxiety goes away- the symptoms go away too, amazing to me. There is hope for us afterall
Nothing I hope. I don't want to exist. I don't want there to be another me in any existence. To not exist would be my goal. I don't want an afterlife or any life. One of the main reasons why I won't have kids or adopt. I don't want to have someone suffer in this world like me. I hate my parents for bringing me into this world I never asked to be in. If life is a gift I would gladly give it back. Other people can make the most of it I cannot.
starchild excalibur
Member
My brother died 9 months ago and today would have been his 30th birthday. I don't consider myself clinically depressed, but sometimes I think that the only thing that stops me from genuinely considering suicide is knowing how much grief it would bring my parents and how fucked of a thing that would be to do. Sometimes I wonder if, after my parents have passed, I actually will. I don't know.
Most days I'm fine, but some days just suck. I have an unbelievable amount of respect for those who've lost close loved ones and still manage to truck on. Here's to hoping next year is better.
Most days I'm fine, but some days just suck. I have an unbelievable amount of respect for those who've lost close loved ones and still manage to truck on. Here's to hoping next year is better.
Metroid Hunter
Banned
I moved to residence this year, and I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing in life. I'm in Engineering even though I want a business-related position and I miss my family so much. Ugh never been depressed before in my life.
Sub_Level
wants to fuck an Asian grill.
One of my best friends' brother (16 I think) shot himself earlier this year. He's been taking it really hard, he seems way less happier now than he used to be. I don't think anybody is expecting you to "get over it" or "be happy" but you are expected to try and find happiness. Forget next year, you can be better right now. In the case of my friend, he really likes hanging out with us more now and he seems to be more into his hobbies. Maybe try those things.
Stop comparing your life to others, everyone has a different experience. I'm not gonna presume anything and give you some bull about life being precious or whatnot, but I will tell you this. 2 and a half years ago in January I put a loaded .22 in my mouth and after everything that has happened since then I'm so glad I didn't do it. My life isn't perfect by any means, I'm still terrible with girls and last year had serious school problems, but family, friends, and new experiences like visiting places or going camping have made it worth it. Suicide hasn't crossed my mind since. I'm just telling you this sob story (which probably isn't as bad as yours) because it CAN get better and while I haven't lived your life I do know where you're coming from with the "not wanting people to be born so they don't suffer" bit. And I'm not some sort of "strong" person either, it can get better man. Talk things out more with your counselor, maybe try different meds (people react differently to different ones). You've probably seen recommendations like this before, but work out, read, watch a good TV show, go out for walks, make some spending money at a part-time job, take a class you're interested in. You think that life is some sort of prison but you can affect it just as much as it affects you. You can influence other people too.
I moved to residence this year, and I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing in life. I'm in Engineering even though I want a business-related position and I miss my family so much. Ugh never been depressed before in my life.
Uncertainty is certainly a certainty when it comes to choosing your education or job. I always say do somethin' that fulfills at least 2 of the 3 following criteria: you're good at it or can realistically get good at it; it makes good money; you like it. If it fulfills 1 or 0 then don't do it. As far as family goes, yeah, that's pretty tough. If it's possible to move back to them, then you've got a decision to make. Maybe give the residence until the end of the year, see how things go.
I've done all that and it hasn't done me any good.
I had a dream where I comitted suicide which is kind of creeping me out that that thought is somewhere in my subconscious.
I wouldn't say that I am depressed at the moment though. I'm doing student exchange in the Netherlands and it's a great perspective changing experience. But at the same time, I am suffering a lot of anxiety that, once again, I will probably be unable to forge friendships or meaningful bonds with people of my age group. I am trying hard, but even in these early days, it is apparent that I am the third wheel type person in all these expat socials. As an introvert, going to the pub/clubs in big groups is more draining than fun. It's also difficult for me to be spontaneous. I don't blame anyone else; when there are more fun, trendy and interesting people around, you could see why you'd be hesitant to hang around that boring, slightly distanced guy.
Oh well, I am having fun regardless, it just depressing how I can't really share it with anyone else. At least I have a friend coming to travel with for a couple of weeks in November
I wouldn't say that I am depressed at the moment though. I'm doing student exchange in the Netherlands and it's a great perspective changing experience. But at the same time, I am suffering a lot of anxiety that, once again, I will probably be unable to forge friendships or meaningful bonds with people of my age group. I am trying hard, but even in these early days, it is apparent that I am the third wheel type person in all these expat socials. As an introvert, going to the pub/clubs in big groups is more draining than fun. It's also difficult for me to be spontaneous. I don't blame anyone else; when there are more fun, trendy and interesting people around, you could see why you'd be hesitant to hang around that boring, slightly distanced guy.
Oh well, I am having fun regardless, it just depressing how I can't really share it with anyone else. At least I have a friend coming to travel with for a couple of weeks in November
Visualante2
Member
Probably won't help many people but say I'm out at a bar or something. I'm totally cool with just listening most of the time. Or sometimes the whole night. It's nice to have that social connection with friends and not feeling the pressure to say stuff of be a personality.
The only problem that comes with it is that you get a bit of a Silent Bob motif going on, when you do say something people take note a little more than it's worth. I don't find that as draining but I appreciate social anxiety can have a lot of different causes or whatever.
The only problem that comes with it is that you get a bit of a Silent Bob motif going on, when you do say something people take note a little more than it's worth. I don't find that as draining but I appreciate social anxiety can have a lot of different causes or whatever.
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