Hm...it's possible, though I don't have suicidal tendencies or things like that. I dunno. Possible maybe. :/
Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
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Hm...it's possible, though I don't have suicidal tendencies or things like that. I dunno. Possible maybe. :/
User 100115
Banned
It's something to think about. An answer could help lead to better treatment options for you.
It's something to think about. An answer could help lead to better treatment options for you.
Maybe... I fit maybe half of those things.
11/19 in Symptoms, 7/14 in Compulsive Behaviour.
Get a professional opinion. These are complex issues and self-diagnosis can do more harm than good.
Therapist? Or someone else?
The Take Out Bandit
Member
Had a magnificently shit day at work.
I just think - I'm wasting my time here. My boss assigns me pointless menial tasks I have zero stock in.
I'm taking a job away from someone who might genuinely give a fuck about this line of work because I enjoy the $38k a year and benefits, but I sincerely hate it. Ended up with a headache and some minor chest pains, but not to the degree I ran into last year when I was having difficulty breathing and drove to the emergency room.
Then it drifted to just feeling trapped in this place. In this job. Half way through life. With nothing to show for my years on this Earth. Held the sissy tears at bay this time.
Deadlines from freelance work bearing down on me. The deadline is about to pass and I'm blowing it, which fucking sucks. I sabotaged myself at the end of the day on this one. Too many false starts and dead ends.
Hopefully I don't get booted from the project, but I don't know.
Being alone isn't helping. When it comes to illustration, I thrive in quietly competitive environments. Sadly none of my close friends are a Ryu to my Ken. They're too lazy to challenge me on that front, and too prone to giving up which in turn makes me feel worse because there's no push back - just balling up in a fucking fetal defensive position.
Alone, $5k in debt (which I realize isn't that bad, but I have terrible financial anxiety due to a series of lay off and employers leaving the area), and still a complete financial fuck up living in the ghetto.
I'm too old to be carrying on like this. I need to get my shit straight and move to some place where I can start a new chapter in life before I leave behind a boring fucking fossil for future generations. Just everything feels completely beyond my control and I'm certain that if I do move within three months I'll have lost everything I own and be on the streets shooting pigeons with an imaginary gun like the derelicts outside of the library here.
I just think - I'm wasting my time here. My boss assigns me pointless menial tasks I have zero stock in.
I'm taking a job away from someone who might genuinely give a fuck about this line of work because I enjoy the $38k a year and benefits, but I sincerely hate it. Ended up with a headache and some minor chest pains, but not to the degree I ran into last year when I was having difficulty breathing and drove to the emergency room.
Then it drifted to just feeling trapped in this place. In this job. Half way through life. With nothing to show for my years on this Earth. Held the sissy tears at bay this time.
Deadlines from freelance work bearing down on me. The deadline is about to pass and I'm blowing it, which fucking sucks. I sabotaged myself at the end of the day on this one. Too many false starts and dead ends.
Hopefully I don't get booted from the project, but I don't know.
Being alone isn't helping. When it comes to illustration, I thrive in quietly competitive environments. Sadly none of my close friends are a Ryu to my Ken. They're too lazy to challenge me on that front, and too prone to giving up which in turn makes me feel worse because there's no push back - just balling up in a fucking fetal defensive position.
Alone, $5k in debt (which I realize isn't that bad, but I have terrible financial anxiety due to a series of lay off and employers leaving the area), and still a complete financial fuck up living in the ghetto.
I'm too old to be carrying on like this. I need to get my shit straight and move to some place where I can start a new chapter in life before I leave behind a boring fucking fossil for future generations. Just everything feels completely beyond my control and I'm certain that if I do move within three months I'll have lost everything I own and be on the streets shooting pigeons with an imaginary gun like the derelicts outside of the library here.
A psychiatrist, preferably. A therapist might help with the treatment, but from the diagnostic side, I think a shrink will be more knowledgeable.
A quick google search says no psychiatrists in my area are accepting new patients. Lol. Unfortunate...
Great work! But, given the nature of the last two interviews, now I'm ashamed of even considering sharing my, comparatively, much happier story on Depression-GAF and how I still ended crippled by severe depression and anxiety for many years despite having great parents and siblings, comfortable material wealth, etc.
My Psychologist refereed me to a psychiatrist.
The most important thing my psychiatrist ever told was: "It's not your fault". Have you ever seen Good Will Hunting? That scene looks like a film cliche, but it happened to me, with the difference I wasn't abused, though. I cried for almost a full hour.
You should still call around. You'll find some nice doctors, nurses, receptionists who will know who's taking patients. Or maybe they'll squeeze you in.
When I was trying to arrange ECT for someone, the initial response was, "we're 6 months out." Next call, I chatted with the doc in charge of the ECT center. We were talking about getting someone in in a few days, quicker if he'd go inpatient. People were almost uniformly super helpful. And I got the names of a few centers I hadn't found online.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Any public mental health centers nearby?
User 100115
Banned
Yes, this. I didn't mean to do any harm, but figured it'd be good to talk to a professional. Sorry if I overstepped.
No no no! I thought that was a good call. I just wanted to underscore your point about seeing a doctor. This IS GAF, where people will post a thread about vomiting blood for the past hour and need advice on what to do. :/
User 100115
Banned
ClassyPenguin
Banned
I would also call the suicide hotline if you can't find anything yourself.
Even if you are not suicidal, they can be of great help and may be able to locate any available resource.
Even if you are not suicidal, they can be of great help and may be able to locate any available resource.
Prax
Member
I'm really glad that you're doing these interviews! They're all really fascinating and I like learning about the different ways people cope. Even their opinions on this very thread (all that self-reflection stuff is so interesting!).
Mumei: It's interesting knowing the different kinds of treatments you tried (therapy, medication, self-initiated stuff) and what worked for you.. and the reason why you don't think medication worked was because your problems originated in reality. It kind of shows the importance of there not being a magical cure-all for depression. You were kind of joking when you came up with having a snarky sense of humour, but I think that was sincere! To me, mental illness and working through it is kind of about having to confront the absurd, and I think humour is one of the healthier ways of doing so.
Oomikami: Ah, not having understanding family members sounds so difficult to deal with. Glad you were strong enough to excise abusive friendships from your life. What kind of ways are you trying to treat yourself if you don't have much access? Do you look up self-help books and such? You've been giving encouraging words and stuff in this thread, so I wonder if you ever feel like doing so helps you as well?
Nova: You've gone through so much. Even though I don't know you personally, I feel so proud of you for coming through all of that and being in control of your life. As for escapism.. I feel it can be both negative and positive. It depends on how you use it and the results you get from it. As a coping tool and a way for you to gain a new perspective of your circumstances to build hope (like almost through vicarious experience through the characters), I think it's actually wonderful. I am curious about your fandom now though. xD Vidding is a cool hobby. I would totally make anime music videos and vid things if I had the patience and skills!
Bagels: I asked Oomi kami this, but I guess I can ask you too! Do you feel it helps your own understanding of depression and even dealing with your own depression when you try to give advice or encouragement to others? You ever feel like it's talking to yourself too--giving yourself the pep talk you wish you could hear from others? Or does it ever feel a little hypocritical because you know it's the kind of stuff you wouldn't want to hear if you were in their position, but you know they have to hear it? I like learning about those little nuances when it comes to professionals or professionals-in-training who work in the mental health field, and these are the kind of questions I ask myself too as I reply to this very thread.
I also wouldn't mind being interviewed, though nothing about what I experienced is particularly spectacular.
I don't really know how your sessions are going, but maybe you feel this way because you feel like the information you are giving her isn't really the information she will need to help you? I know for some people, it will take many sessions for them to build enough rapport and trust with their therapist to really open up and get to the core of the issues and have a direction to go in. Good to know you don't want to give up!Hm... I get the impression that my therapist isn't sure how to continue with me.
I just don't think there's a way to feel good about how I look. I'm kind of hoping for "when I look in the mirror, I don't cringe/want to cry/want to punch myself in the face". I think that's about as good as I can hope for.
And I'm just done with thinking about dating. I could never trust a guy enough to be in a healthy relationship, and the thought of me+sex is just too disgusting to me. So...that is just off the table.
Hm... These thoughts are sad...
You don't need to think about dating if you don't want, but if the issue is self-image and not liking what you see, maybe right now it's better to figure out how to stop caring about attractiveness? Keep up with grooming and hygiene, because that's basic maintenance, but also develop the mindset that your body is an acceptable vehicle for doing whatever it needs to do. And if some guy happens to want to get with you, there was no trickery involved. You have a body, and he does, and the sex could happen because that's what bodies do.
Maybe getting to a neutral mindset will take a while, but when you get more to that level, you can start branching and playing around more with your image. Hairstyles, make-up, costumes.. whatever you want and enjoy the liquidity of image.
All of these are just ideas and suggestions from my own experience of course, but maybe at least some of them resonate and will help you!
I feel your pain and share similar experiences but probably to a lesser intensity.
Having that rival-ally is really important for me motivation-wise, but mine at the moment is kind of not in the place to offer it to me right now.
You're not alone in your quest, and you are also really skilled, so hopefully it all works out. I kind of just want to say "Just do what you want! Make your own legacy with no regrets!" because that's the kind of thing I wish I could convince myself. Well, maybe it will convince you! I am kind of happiest working on my own artistic projects, so maybe you (and I) need to make more time for that.
Hurhur.. and all of my posts/replies get so long in this thread. I hope y'all aren't annoyed by it.
Thanks so much for the feedback for everyone! I really, really appreciate it. I'm comfortable doing a clinical interview, but this kind of thing, where I'm trying to get people to talk about things in a way that will help others, is a new thing for me. I'm honestly pretty shy, so I give my interviewees all the credit for how well these have gone.
I do indeed find them personally therapeutic. I find my own depression easier to attack if I can externalize it and deal with it in another person. People apologize a lot for "bothering" me on Skype or here or whatever, but I want them to realize how much I'm learning from them and how much being part of this thread helps me.
The other benefit is I've met so many great people through this thread and now the interviews. I've chatted with Nova and Oomikami since their interviews and they're both wonderful people. It's nice to see their names on my Skype contacts and know that, in the same way I'm here to listen to them, I know that if things start going down for me, they're willing to listen too.
I have several more Skype contacts from this thread. I have one who I have almost no areas of agreement with, but he's fascinating to talk to and gives me a perspective I don't really seek out by myself.
I talk on the phone every so often with another depression-GAFfer. We kind of check up on each other. Nova was right that these people can be true friends - it's silly to discount a relationship you have with someone when you've both shared such personal stuff just because you don't see them in person.
One theme from all these conversations is that, even for those of us lucky to have understanding friends and family, great physicians and therapists, sometimes it's nice to talk to someone who really isn't part of your day-to-day life. Some things are easier to share in this quasi-anonymous way, for whatever reason.
I actively try to avoid the kind of advice I don't like hearing. I try not to be a hypocrite, even if I don't follow my own advice all the time.
I'm actually uncomfortable with the idea of giving advice in general. I try to be more understanding and empathetic and hopeful, but I obviously venture way into medical crap all the time. I just try to make sure I'm saying, well, here's some info about this drug or maybe ask your doctor about this. I don't want anything I say to be mistaken for any kind of official medical advice. I'm not a doctor yet and even if I were, you're not my patients. I try to walk a fine line between saying, man, it sounds like x, y, or z could really help you! Ask your doctor! And saying "take x, y, and z and let's meet again in two weeks." I hope that makes some kind of sense.
I'll add you to the growing interview list! I hope people realize this isn't some kind of competition where the person whose life is the biggest bummer wins some prize. The point is to share our stories, feel less alone, learn from each other, and, ultimately, and most crucially, stroke my ego.
Kidding about that last part.
I think hearing how other people cope is super important. There's not really Major Depressive Disorder, there are all sorts of Major Depressive DisorderS. There are as many ways to cope as there are different kinds of depression - getting different perspectives can only help us live our own lives and try to understand other people's struggles.
I always type too much, too.
What? Did that actually happen?
Perhaps not that, exactly, but shockingly similar stuff pops up all the time.
Collete
Member
Well I'm not going to act like a mother, but I don't think smoking sheesha is the best course of action to try when you're in this state.
Why did you even try sheesha if I may ask?
Great work! But, given the nature of the last two interviews, now I'm ashamed of even considering sharing my, comparatively, much happier story on Depression-GAF and how I still ended crippled by severe depression and anxiety for many years despite having great parents and siblings, comfortable material wealth, etc.
Oh cmon, don't make me lecture you too!
We would love to hear your story, the interviews aren't a matter of who's more rightly depressed than other, I believe it's a learning experience and realized we're all connected by this horrible illness.
I for one would be glad to hear your story.
It is, especially when you no longer have friends in reality any longer and all of them are online. But I found out the friends I have now, wouldn't trade them for anyone in reality...They are amazing people.
I actually wasn't "strong" to get those people out of my life.
It got to the point in many cases I hit rock bottom, and just went further and realized I could go no further.
At that point I realized, "I should die, or live.".
Boyfriend wouldn't allow me to die, so I went by default to live. I wouldn't have chose to live in a million years. I'm still recovering from those experiences, however looking back now, I'm not going to live in fear of what they might do to me now. But just shrug it off and think "everyone does stupid crap sometimes, I'm no exception." So yeah I'm not really strong...
My way of treating myself as of now, is actually in a selfish manner.
I'm doing things I actually enjoy at the expense of disappointing practically everyone..
It has helped but at what cost?...
Still I'm continuing with this until I find a long term solution.
And no, I don't look up self-help books. Personally I feel they are a waste, but I've been recommended to them in the past, so maybe in the future.
(Random fact of the day: Don't give your roommates self help books as a birthday present...I still hate that my roommate did that...)
Mostly the advice I generate for others is because I lived, and continue to go through, many of the experiences on Depression GAF. I don't know if me being in a Psychology program helps (I'm still not sure what I learned in it...) but I do my best to provide feedback whenever I can.
Hm, I don't know if it helps me as well, but it feeds my soul knowing if I can help someone in this pathetic life of mine.
I can't say it helps with my depression, because just going in here makes me feel sad.
However I try not to let it get to me, knowing that someone might actually need some feedback and it might actually help...I don't know if it really helped anyone in the end...
This all sounds like Deja Vu, haha.
You compliment me too much though, Bagels. =_=
Also, I forgot to mention yesterday so I'm saying this now. I won't be here for the next three days so if people wondering why I won't respond, well that's why.
I will respond back, it will just be really delayed.
You're just really terrible at taking a compliment! You're awesome, and I'll keep saying it until you just say "thank you!" instead of telling me that you're not.
You're going through a lot and you're still on here trying to help others, sharing your story - I think that deserves a lot of compliments.
We'll see you when you get back! I really hope you come back feeling better!
I've had quite a few sessions with her now, like since August or something. I dunno... I'm pretty sure it's just because I'm beyond help lol.
I don't care about anyone else's attractiveness except my own. :/ And I just can't stop, I hate it but if I'm ugly I'm completely worthless :/ And I am ugly, so... There's just nothing to me.
And yeah...dating is just so not a factor anymore. No one is ever going to want to have sex with me, I wouldn't want anyone to have to go through that, so...it's just not a thing anymore.
I wish I could just crawl into a hole and live in there for the rest of my life so people wouldn't have to look at me.
I am all hilariously naive and don't know what sheesha is, but it doesn't sound good.
Best way I can describe it is flavoured smoke that you suck in through a sort of tube, then release (you don't suck it down or anything, just let it go in your mouth). Gives you a "head rush", which I can't lie, did make me feel really good at first, but then I found that all the smells in the joint made me sick. Maybe this will be more enlightening.
I was trying to self medicate, really. I don't know why, I know it's dumb, but I just felt like "why the hell not?". Ugh,
scar tissue
Banned
Great work! But, given the nature of the last two interviews, now I'm ashamed of even considering sharing my, comparatively, much happier story on Depression-GAF and how I still ended crippled by severe depression and anxiety for many years despite having great parents and siblings, comfortable material wealth, etc.
Don't be ashamed.
It's very difficult to compare your surroundings in terms of the impact they have on your mental health.
I've met quite a few people who had a worse childhood than I did - at first glance at least - and still turned out more complete and healthy than I did.
How the fuck can that happen?
Well, a psychologist once told me that the total sum of your surroundings is key. Someone who is heavily physically and verbally abused by their family but has a few great friends might end up with less depression than someone who was only lightly abused, but had no friends to turn to.
Now I have no idea if that's actually a valid scientific explanation, but the source is a professional and the theory certainly seems legit.
endresults
Member
I ran out of Venlafaxine (Effexor) yesterday, which I've taken 150mg daily for the past 5 years or so. The withdrawal symptoms of this stuff is nothing to mess around with. Horrific mood swings, whole-body "zaps," nausea, dizziness, and all that other good stuff.
I'm thinking about ditching this stuff cold turkey, if for no other reason than I'm completely dependent on it. I'd rather put it up with the massive mood swings than this stuff.
I'm thinking about ditching this stuff cold turkey, if for no other reason than I'm completely dependent on it. I'd rather put it up with the massive mood swings than this stuff.
I And I am ugly, so... There's just nothing to me.
no way on both counts. you're beautiful and you're obviously very thoughtful. i swear thats the last time i will say either one of those things.
I know the feeling, but I'm not going to ditch my contacts because I'm dependent on them, you know? Or a diabetic shouldn't ditch her insulin because she's totally addicted. I need ADs to be myself. It sucks, but that's just how it is.
I've been on Effexor for 2 weeks now for Generalized Anxiety and so far it has been a great experience. It started working by day 5 and I'm calm now when before I would be wound up like a knot with anxiety. I don't have much depression, maybe just some underlying confidence and self esteem issues.
The main problem I am having with Effexor (75mg) is that my libido has been almost non-existent since starting it where before I would want to mess around at least every other day. If it comes down to it, I'll have to try something else because I can't have a limp dick the rest of my life-- but damn if it isn't working really well for my anxiety.
revolverjgw
Member
God damn, the hospital up my street has a one year waiting list for its mental health services, is that normal? Though I guess I shouldn't be surprised because my city is kind of depressing.
Leeness, I want to have sex with you.
If you want, I could be really mean to you so that you can believe you're getting back at me by forcing me to do something as horrible as have sex with you.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
I..uh...what?
Femmeworth
Banned
That was uncalled for.
Surface of Me
I'm not an NPC. And neither are we.
Agent Cooper
Member
Dude.
Come the fuck on.
I wish it was working for me.
I...er..ahem...let me just look at our notes about this group therapy session...oh look! Our time is up...
First Segata... now this?
Guys I was joking.
Mostly.
I'm just sick of seeing this obviously attractive girl go on and on about how ugly she is and how nobody would ever want to have sex with her despite everyone telling her she's attractive, so I thought maybe a stupid, slightly offensive joke would at least give her a chuckle, if not a quantum of confidence.
Sorry if I stepped over the line. But for fuck's sake Leeness, you're not ugly. The people telling you you're attractive aren't just pity posts. Pity posts are the handful of people who told me, "Well, you're not that ugly..." when I posted my picture.
Mostly.
I'm just sick of seeing this obviously attractive girl go on and on about how ugly she is and how nobody would ever want to have sex with her despite everyone telling her she's attractive, so I thought maybe a stupid, slightly offensive joke would at least give her a chuckle, if not a quantum of confidence.
Sorry if I stepped over the line. But for fuck's sake Leeness, you're not ugly. The people telling you you're attractive aren't just pity posts. Pity posts are the handful of people who told me, "Well, you're not that ugly..." when I posted my picture.
Femmeworth
Banned
KevinCow, you should understand how mental illness works. Telling Leeness she is attractive is like telling a depressed person to be happy. It's unproductive.
Edit: Worded that kind of badly, I'm not saying people shouldn't complement Leeness, I do. Just pounding it into her head isn't going to help.
Edit: Worded that kind of badly, I'm not saying people shouldn't complement Leeness, I do. Just pounding it into her head isn't going to help.
Collete
Member
You're in a depression thread...You've experienced it yourself.
Your thoughts are all skewed and you just can't see yourself as that person.
And no, saying offensive stuff does not help a person in most cases and in can in fact worsen depression.
People say I'm a nice person but I never see myself as that.
That is what depression does, it clouds your thoughts and your perception of yourself.
Next interview, with Piano, will be up in just a bit. He gives one of the most detailed accounts, from the onset of symptoms, to finally getting better, you're likely ever going to read.
Also, spoiler alert!, you're going to get to watch as, against all odds, two heterosexual Depression-GAFfers fall madly in love. So there's hope for us all!
Also, spoiler alert!, you're going to get to watch as, against all odds, two heterosexual Depression-GAFfers fall madly in love. So there's hope for us all!
I NEED SCISSORS
Banned
I disagree, it can be a major confidence boost. I feel the same as Leeness a lot and the odd compliment makes me feel great for weeks. Then again that's me, not her.
KevinCow just handled it.... really horribly and desperately.
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