Hitting the wine bottle again tonight... Easier than dealing with rejection and sadness.
have your wine with some cheese and crackers, that will get you in a better mood

I know it sounds stupid, but I think it does.
Hitting the wine bottle again tonight... Easier than dealing with rejection and sadness.
Hitting the wine bottle again tonight... Easier than dealing with rejection and sadness.
I feel like a cold emotionless arsehole at the moment. I am on antidepressants and have been for numerous months, the other day one of my close family members was in a really bad accident, and is in a coma, we have been told that she may not survive. As you can imagine, my whole family are absolutely shocked and upset, but I don't feel too emotional. Is this normal for someone on antidepressants, my parents don't know I am on them so I must just look like a cold fuck.
heh .. i envy you if that actually makes you feel better.
adding cheese and crackers makes you more fancy and less of a drunk though, good call sphinx!!!! fancy points ftw
Have you had professional help? What are the right things to change it that you are not doing?
I feel like a cold emotionless arsehole at the moment. I am on antidepressants and have been for numerous months, the other day one of my close family members was in a really bad accident, and is in a coma, we have been told that she may not survive. As you can imagine, my whole family are absolutely shocked and upset, but I don't feel too emotional. Is this normal for someone on antidepressants, my parents don't know I am on them so I must just look like a cold fuck.
Had a good day today at therapy.
That's great to hear![]()
Want to tell us about it? Glad it went well.
Never really had some kind of help though. I just need to focus on the positives instead of the negatives, it gets me through each day. That's why whenever I get rejected or ignored by a girl it no longer starts to bother me. I'm even starting to believe that 99% of women out there are plain shallow and self-centered anyways.
Still would feel wrong to tell them. Telling them I am depressed is like telling them I wish to die. It's something I feel very uncomfortable about revealing.
I've given up on women. They seem cold and unreceptive with me, but happy to chat and have a laugh with other men. Bizarrely, it's all the women old enough to be my Mum (40's and 50's) who'll talk to me in the friendly way I'd like to be treated by women my age. Perhaps they feel sorry for me?
I'm back again at rock bottom...It doesn't even seem like I'll even get out of it at all...
Hate my brain so much, I can't even work on anything because of this depression...
Hate myself right now.
I've got to be honest...
I don't feel like I'm a real human being. I feel flat and without any depth.
I'm saying this because I was having a conversation with someone and they asked me if I had a girlfriend, friends and what made me happy. It was no to the first two and the last question I couldn't answer... I really had no idea what makes me happy and outside of laughing at comedians or funny films or tv shows, I don't think anything does.
My life has been poisoned by my mental problems for so long that I don't think I know how to behave like a normal person.
Heh, hi Steve.
Yeah I guess a lot of us are closet "people with depression" or other under lying problems.
Edit: What are you trying to treat with medication if you don't mind me asking.
Does the fact that I don't hate you make you feel a bit better?
I have terrible anxiety. I guess it's not really depression, but the difference between the two is pretty hazy in my mind and seems to be some overlap at least in my case.
I'm back again at rock bottom...It doesn't even seem like I'll even get out of it at all...
Hate my brain so much, I can't even work on anything because of this depression...
Hate myself right now.
*hugs*
I will be on skype in a little bit, if you or anyone else need to talk.
You want to work on your self-esteem, but you don't want to tell your therapist one of the big reasons for your low self-esteem? Do you really think that's going to work? The amount your therapist can help you is dependent on the quality of information your provide. The best way to work with your therapist is to tell them EVERYTHING and then start working on your problems. When you give your therapist all the pieces of the puzzle they'll help you find the answers more quickly.
I do.Please tell me you remember messaging me last night :lol
A little, thanks.
Just hate my brain right now making me depressed for reasons out of my control...
Nothing I can do change them, yet I'm depressed because of them.
What is the medicine your prescribed at the moment?
Are you seeing psychiatrist by chance?
I have severe depression and I'm sure an undiagnosed anxiety disorder myself.
I do tend to blur the boarders of my anxiety with depression myself as well.
My anxiety over meeting new people will cause me to be severely depressed that I can't get near people. Then I'll be anxious that I can't get near people which in turn causes another depression episode.
It's a never ending cycle that is hard to break out of.
Just remember you'll have a safe place to talk about these problems here.
Never really had some kind of help though. I just need to focus on the positives instead of thenegatives, it gets me through each day. That's why whenever I get rejected or ignored by a girl it no longer starts to bother me. I'm even starting to believe that 99% of women out there are plain shallow and self-centered anyways.
See but it's funny, does that matter once you're happy? Maybe in the long term, however you can use those short term gains to change your life.Don't know if i should push for ECT or not. At the end of the day good mood or not i am still a single worthless loser.
I'm taking Escitalopram as hopefully it has few side effects. I'm actually giving counselors a few calls tomorrow to see what's up with them. I've seen one in the past and it felt like it helped some but wasn't actually fixing anything. Like letting off steam, while not actually figuring out why the pipes weren't working in the first place.
I guess I'm really lucky as I don't seem to have any of these issues as badly as a lot of others. You should all stay strong.
*hugs*
I will be on skype in a little bit, if you or anyone else need to talk.
Have you gotten professional help? Official advise is if you've been feeling depressed for 2 weeks or more go to your doctor. If you've had it for years then you should definitely do that now.
Don't know if i should push for ECT or not. At the end of the day good mood or not i am still a single worthless loser.
The bolded is something I've been doing for awhile right now *sigh*
I'm not sure what I can offer, but it's good to hear your son is understanding of the money situation you're in.
Some children won't be able to understand and want a fabulous Christmas with awesome presents no matter what financial situation.
I haven't yet. For a while I didn't really think they could help much, but I've been more receptive to it lately. I don't have the money right now though, and I probably won't for a while since I'm in school.
I feel like there's just the tiniest hint of less than total defeat sneaking into your posts.
I was just going to search for this thread but it's on the front page so I ain't the only one. I have anxiety, depression, ADD/ADHD. Right now though the depression part is hitting me hard. I work a shitty boring job with no end in sight. No girlfriend (ever) and no prospects for a better job anytime soon. Everyday is the exact same fucking thing. I tell people work sucks and they all say either nothing or get used to it. I don't want to though. I don't want to be one of those people just stuck in an endless loop. But I don't know how to break out of it. There is no future for me.
I was just going to search for this thread but it's on the front page so I ain't the only one. I have anxiety, depression, ADD/ADHD. Right now though the depression part is hitting me hard. I work a shitty boring job with no end in sight. No girlfriend (ever) and no prospects for a better job anytime soon. Everyday is the exact same fucking thing. I tell people work sucks and they all say either nothing or get used to it. I don't want to though. I don't want to be one of those people just stuck in an endless loop. But I don't know how to break out of it. There is no future for me.
"True, a person with a melancholy temperament had been fated with an awful burdenbut also, in Lord Byron's phrase, with a "fearful gift." The burden was a sadness and despair that could tip into a state of disease. But the gift was a capacity for depth and wisdom."
It's now well known that Abraham Lincoln, universally considered our greatest president, battled depression all his life. And this was at a time when depression was even less of a "real" disease than it is now. In Lincoln, a melancholy temperament was paired with a string of personal and professional setbacks. Not to mention that Lincoln was mercilessly called out on his looks. Sound familiar.
"The link between mental illness and creativity is supported by a bevy of historical examplesCharles Darwin, Emily Dickinson, Benjamin Disraeli, and William T. Sherman, among many others from Lincoln's time alone, suffered from mood disordersand a wealth of modern research. Many studies have found higher rates of mood disorders among artists, and the qualities associated with art among the tendencies of mentally disordered minds."
"With Lincoln we have a man whose depression spurred him, painfully, to examine the core of his soul; whose hard work to stay alive helped him develop crucial skills and capacities, even as his depression lingered hauntingly; and whose inimitable character took great strength from the piercing insights of depression, the creative responses to it, and a spirit of humble determination forged over decades of deep suffering and earnest longing."
The argument is made that Lincoln did not succeed in spite of his depression; rather his depression fueled his greatness. If you're young and awkward and depressed, don't think you're doomed to a shit life. Depression will teach you things others just cannot figure out any other way. Lincoln dealt with depression all his life and it shaped him into a towering figure in world history. This won't happen for all of us, but depression is by no means deterministic. Don't think, well, my twenties are going poorly. That perspective might make your life more meaningful and rich than you can imagine. But it requires you to fight.
"The link between mental illness and creativity is supported by a bevy of historical examples—Charles Darwin, Emily Dickinson, Benjamin Disraeli, and William T. Sherman, among many others from Lincoln's time alone, suffered from mood disorders—and a wealth of modern research. Many studies have found higher rates of mood disorders among artists, and the qualities associated with art among the tendencies of mentally disordered minds."
But Beautiful - Geoff Dyer
Dyer here weaves impressionistic fantasies around the lives of eight jazz legends. Though he calls this "imaginative criticism," the vignettes, inspired by photos and writings about the artists, have little to do with music. Rather, he muses about the musicians' personalities and certain episodes in their lives. Lester Young's disastrous stint in the army, Thelonious Monk's inability to communicate with anyone but his wife, Bud Powell's mental breakdown, Chet Baker's drug-induced deterioration, Duke Ellington's endless travels. The colorful essays are sometimes excessively fanciful, and they capture the atmosphere of alienation that surrounded these men who, often wasted by drug and alcohol abuse and worn out from days and nights on the road, seemed to function only when making music.
Thanks for the reply. I think I was just kind of getting it off my chest. I'm already in a somewhat better place mentally than I was when I posted it. And my kid isn't my son, he's my nephew. I've been raising him since he was about 3, first when my sister lost custody, and then it became permanent after she passed away about 3 years ago to the day. He's had it pretty rough, lost a lot of people in his life, but he's a real trooper. He's almost 13 now, does pretty well in school, and is for the most part pretty normal. I only bring it up because my raising him is really the biggest point of pride in my life.
*Lincoln*
I was always kind of.. not saddened but.. I guess a little burdened by the fact that creativity and mental illness seemed connected. I think that's kind of the price you pay for delving into the part of the psyche that can exaggerate, make up stuff that don't exist, and make up things that don't make sense. >_>
I don't care. It's worth it!
Are you feeling better today?
I think a lot of creative people resign themselves to this transaction. I thinkt he opposite is also true. I find a lot of people who WERE creative (like kids), stop being so. Perhaps they are the ones that feel it's too big a price to pay (hurts to dig into yourself and create something only to think it sucks or not get recognition--and then the mental illness/facing the human fragility aspect too).Really? Glad to know I wasn't the only one. I also get a bit creative when I'm depressed as well.
Because of this, I found an idea for a novel series. I haven't really had time to work on it however but it's strange how something that is your worst enemy can actually help you on something like this.
That theme is melancholic but also beautiful with what sounds like.. seeds for hope and redemption. Since I haven't played the game, I just picture an empty place, like an abandoned church or grey street. It's slightly misty, maybe after a recent rain. A lone person is there walking aimlessly and stops to look up at a light that's coming through the cracks in the ceiling or a street lamp. But the light is bright. And warm. And there's a glimpse, maybe just for a moment, of hope or an answer they've been looking for. It's brief, but it lets them know that it exists.Edit: Also anyone who wants to take a peek of what my mind really does/thinks, I uncovered something that is shareable with you all. I didn't realize I even do this till now.
Apparently I play a theme song in my head every time I enter here and this is what plays in my head:
(It's kind of a depressing tune so don't listen to it unless you're stable; it's hauntingly beautiful nevertheless. I think a good portion of you might recognize it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMOHB5AUygI )
Well, to be fair to the writer, he was kind of speaking in a sarcastic, jerkish tone and probably wasn't addressing people with clinical depression. Plus it makes sense that most times, we ultimately decide what our perceptions of the world means to us (tingling = it works! vs stinging = it's poison!). Sometimes it's conditioned into us so that our perception or response is automatic and hard to reverse, but I'd like to think that change is possible."you are the one who decides whether it sucks or not"
yeah
the writer of the article can go fuck themself
Well, the smiley says you're smiling, so that sounds good!Still working on my upswing![]()
smilies have been known to lie.
I think a lot of creative people resign themselves to this transaction. I thinkt he opposite is also true. I find a lot of people who WERE creative (like kids), stop being so. Perhaps they are the ones that feel it's too big a price to pay (hurts to dig into yourself and create something only to think it sucks or not get recognition--and then the mental illness/facing the human fragility aspect too).
Turning enemies into allies! It's an effective way of dealing with it, I think.
At some point a few years back, I created a few characters out of that idea, mainly to more.. objectively look at and play with that part of my persona. Like lump a bunch of the bad parts of myself into one character and see what would happen. Turns out I just felt a lot of "maternal frustration" instead of pure hate. And I actually really like the character now. It's nice to feel that way even with my less redeemable qualities.
That theme is melancholic but also beautiful with what sounds like.. seeds for hope and redemption. Since I haven't played the game, I just picture an empty place, like an abandoned church or grey street. It's slightly misty, maybe after a recent rain. A lone person is there walking aimlessly and stops to look up at a light that's coming through the cracks in the ceiling or a street lamp. But the light is bright. And warm. And there's a glimpse, maybe just for a moment, of hope or an answer they've been looking for. It's brief, but it lets them know that it exists.