Out of Working Order
Member
A good father would support his son, not treat you like that.
Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
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A good father would support his son, not treat you like that.
scar tissue
Banned
Well, I do become kinda confident when I'm really drunk. Unfortunately, I also become a huge insufferable asshole.
That's why I don't do heavy drinking any more.
scar tissue
Banned
Dunno. Anything that helps me get with the girls is something of an answer in my book.
Getting laid obviously wouldn't solve my main problems, but man, I'd feel a lot better if that monkey was off my back.
And honestly, I don't ever see myself getting laid sober. Not even if I lower my standards to ridiculous lows (which I won't do. I might be depressed and desperate, but I still have my dignity, which is the one thing I'll take with me to the grave).
I've pretty much given up on the idea that therapy is going to cure me too. Some stuff has gotten better, and maybe I'll reach a point where I can be functional and work full-time, but I don't think I'll ever reach a point where I won't be considered awkward, creepy or shy by girls.
Out of Working Order
Member
Well, 27 here and still a virgin + never had a girlfriend. Fuck, girls don't speak to me at all - I've never even had a female friend. No friends to hang with either, so there's slim chance of that changing.
I am finding myself wondering what the point of it all is more and more as each year passes. I know there's more to life than women, but to be missing out on such a normal part of life - something I've always wanted to experience - makes me feel so, so miserable. It's a massive drain and has sucked any enjoyment I was getting from my hobbies, which were really the only place I could take solace.
Don't know where to go from here.
I am finding myself wondering what the point of it all is more and more as each year passes. I know there's more to life than women, but to be missing out on such a normal part of life - something I've always wanted to experience - makes me feel so, so miserable. It's a massive drain and has sucked any enjoyment I was getting from my hobbies, which were really the only place I could take solace.
Don't know where to go from here.
scar tissue
Banned
Honestly, being in a relationship, or at least having sex on a regular basis, is a huge part of being an adult human.
Sex isn't a big deal to most people because they get enough of it anyway. You only notice how important it is if you don't get any.
Just like I don't really think too much about how great it is to have a roof above my head - I've always had one, it goes without saying. Now, if that roof were to disappear, I'd be pretty damn unhappy about that and constantly think about it too.
Edit: My sex drive seems to be cyclical. Not sure if it changes according to seasons or what, but I go from "Sex? Would be nice, but it's not a priority" to "MUST. BONE. EVERYTHING." several times a year. Currently in the second phase.
oh no. why? your posts have made it sound like writing makes you happy :/
scar tissue
Banned
Don't do anything stupid, son. You can always kill yourself tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow.
Your right to end it all isn't going away. Might as well hang around, right?
not sure about legality where you live but you may as well visit a brothel if its bothering you that much...
Collete
Member
I'm starting to realize I don't see the purpose in getting better.
Nothing seems to matter anymore, much less my hobbies.
scar tissue
Banned
I've considered that, but come to the conclusion that it's equally about my ego and the actual experience, and obviously my ego would not exactly get a boost from fucking a whore. I'd only feel worse afterwards. People who go to brothels are regarded as subhuman scum by most of society - and this is probably not entirely unjustified.
Anyway, I think I vented enough for now. Thanks a lot for putting up with me guys, this means a lot to me.
Verbal Intercourse
Banned
Last night was terrible. Measured out enough Lithium to thoroughly kill myself. Cried a few tears for the first time in 2 years. But I held out, took some risperdal and woke up in a much better state of mind.
Guys, don't cold turkey meds or try self-dosing/self-medicating, even if you disagree with your psychiatrist. I think that's obvious but sometimes rationality eludes me.
Guys, don't cold turkey meds or try self-dosing/self-medicating, even if you disagree with your psychiatrist. I think that's obvious but sometimes rationality eludes me.
The One and Done
Member
The upside of suicide is that your depression literally ends if you're an atheist. The downside is that if you off yourself you no longer have the opportunity to experience anything anymore.
you'll get there scar tissue if you keep putting yourself out there like you did at your meetup, even if what happened to you is fucking annoying and feels awful now. better than not leaving the house anyway.
awww there's lots of purpose to getting better at your hobbies. because it's satisfying to see yourself improve and it's the natural result of doing a fun activity. plus with writing it helps you with expressing yourself in life going forwards.
your hobbies are really important if they help make you happy, if they do you deserve to have them and they do matter
awww there's lots of purpose to getting better at your hobbies. because it's satisfying to see yourself improve and it's the natural result of doing a fun activity. plus with writing it helps you with expressing yourself in life going forwards.
your hobbies are really important if they help make you happy, if they do you deserve to have them and they do matter
What's to experience if it is all pain, anguish, regret, and loneliness?
Collete
Member
awww there's lots of purpose to getting better at your hobbies. because it's satisfying to see yourself improve and it's the natural result of doing a fun activity. plus with writing it helps you with expressing yourself in life going forwards.
your hobbies are really important if they help make you happy, if they do you deserve to have them and they do matter
That's the thing, I don't even know why I should be happy.
Happy I'm in a dead end place in my life?
Nothing to be happy over it, even if I get over depression, my life still won't change.
My writing is a bunch of bull anyways.
Edit:my hobbies do not reflect that my life is going forward unfortunately. Also I apologize if I sound like an ass in this post.not intentional.
I understand why people feel like that, but if you can imagine all the effort it takes just to get up in the morning, and instead having all of that to put towards other things, you can see just how much your life can change. I get better and I get worse, but if I can somehow find 10% more energy, things are very different for me.
Collete
Member
But no one cares if I get up today or any day. No one thinks that's something that requires effort.
And makes me feel like crap if it's just nothing in the end.
Verbal Intercourse
Banned
I really doubt that's all you'll ever experience. People can't really predict their lives accurately anyway. Unforeseen things happen, people come into you're life, shit happens (good and bad and in shades of grey).
I've had good times that caused me to reflect on previous bouts of depression and be thankful I didn't off myself then to never have said experience.
Say you fall in love a few months from now, would you not think the same?
User 100115
Banned
I've given up on writing too. Want to come together and challenge each other? Then grade each others work? Maybe that will motivate us.
scar tissue
Banned
Seeing as how that love would be unrequited, I'd probably feel worse.
/debbiedowner
Verbal Intercourse
Banned
Isn't that what's writing all about? Self-critique, revisionism, trying to detach your ego to accept criticism, work shopping, writing shit but scrapping it in the pursuit of unobtainable perfection, in the eventual culmination of something that satisfies your own high standards?
Writing's a bitch, but that's what makes it rewarding.
Collete
Member
I don't know....It's not great. It's 5th graders writing.
Yeah that's pretty much what it is in a nutshell.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
Better than my writing at least!
Verbal Intercourse
Banned
Come on man, I'm talking about the unifying kind where oxytocin's raging.
Like I'm listening to music right now that I hadn't heard yesterday and it's an experience that I would have missed out on if yesterday I ceased to exist.
It's something little but enough of these moments may eventually shift my outlook to a more positive light.
User 100115
Banned
I've had a bit of a block for awhile, due to my mentor passing away suddenly I think, which I am aware is incredibly stupid. I just feel like I can't produce anything that isn't complete and total shit now. Even though I've been paid to write in the past.
Good news! That's how I feel about mine as well. So maybe we can totally be awful together and help each other improve?
You can join too!
Collete
Member
My depression is yelling "no", but logic says "this is an opportunity" so...
Yeah? I think.
User 100115
Banned
Awesome. We should come up with something to write something about. This might be the hard part....
Collete
Member
Yeah I would have no idea.
I always want to jump into the big stuff (i.e. writing novels) but then I get burned out and go for short stories. Then I get pissed by doing them because I know I could be writing novels but I'm too burned out. Then i just don't bother.
User 100115
Banned
I can't even pull off a short story right now. Let start with something totally simple like uh...write at least 100 words inspired by your favorite song? That good?
Collete
Member
I can try, I don't think this will turn out good though.
User 100115
Banned
I don't think mine will either. And to give us a time frame, how bout we have to show our work on Friday? Rat, you getting in on this?
Collete
Member
Sure....I wrote a crappy one just now...I probably should take some time to edit it. But re reading it, it sounds like some crappy female teenager wrote it in her journal...AUGH.
User 100115
Banned
Damn you work fast. I am still deciding on my favorite song lol. Want to make that Wednesday instead? *sweats*
Collete
Member
No it's ok, you should take your time, I'm willing to wait. Besides as I said before, it's a piece of crap anyways.
(To be fair, what I wrote was more like a rant than anything else lol...It's easier to write about depression than it is to write about something happy...)
User 100115
Banned
Just write what you feel. As long as we are writing we are good right?
shadowsdarknes
Member
Been there before. Idk what your situation is but in mine I deserved the punch of his words. I was also flushing my life down the toilet because of drug use. That was over two years ago. I'm in a much better position today than I was back then.
Collete
Member
GAF,
I think I've been depressed for years. From my childhood and troubles in my parents' relationship, to the feeling of loneliness and isolation as I did work and watched as other friends hung out. It made me feel the lowest of lows. Once I went to college, I wallowed in that for a bit and sought the highest of highs. I don't mean drugs, but just trying to make up for everything I had lost. Needless to say, I don't think it worked. Up until today, I felt like I was not living up to anyone's expectations.
Today I realized something. I walked out of a counseling center at school for the first time, and I realized I had sought one extreme and continued to feel another. I saw my lows and wanted them to fill the high notes as much as I could. I think I never experienced a happy medium. I learned that depression comes in cycles. I certainly felt it. Whenever the highs of anything subsided I was left searching for more. If I didn't, or if it was not as great as I expected, I would drop all the way down.
It made sense to me: I always seemed to seek something interesting. That may be good to keep things fresh, but I never enjoyed the status quo. I thought that it was something to hate and loath. In my quest to avoid it, I made my low my medium.
It's funny, because I used to hate one character in my chinese name. 庸 has the connotation of mediocre. I didn't want to be mediocre, and so I hated it. Then I remembered what my mom had said about my name:
It's not 庸 in the mediocre term, it was given to mean 中庸, one of the big 4 confuscian books. The Doctrine of the Mean.
Mean, middle. Copacetic. I felt amazed. I think this is what I've been missing.
I need to learn to enjoy the normal. And yes, there ARE things to enjoy of the ordinary. That's not to say that I shouldn't seek high experiences, or that I should take the presence of a low to be the status quo.
I need to find my happy medium.
I'm not well versed in depression, and I'm not sure if this is complete bollocks or not. I've avoided the term for most of my life, and have never sought help. Today was the first time ever. But I feel better.
I know there are chemicals at play that make it simpler than a mindset, but am I off in saying that I might have come through breakthrough (least for me?) I don't expect Rome to be built in a few hours, but I haven't felt this at peace in a very long time. There's still more work to be done, but I see myself getting out of this.
GAF, what do you see as your medium?
I think I've been depressed for years. From my childhood and troubles in my parents' relationship, to the feeling of loneliness and isolation as I did work and watched as other friends hung out. It made me feel the lowest of lows. Once I went to college, I wallowed in that for a bit and sought the highest of highs. I don't mean drugs, but just trying to make up for everything I had lost. Needless to say, I don't think it worked. Up until today, I felt like I was not living up to anyone's expectations.
Today I realized something. I walked out of a counseling center at school for the first time, and I realized I had sought one extreme and continued to feel another. I saw my lows and wanted them to fill the high notes as much as I could. I think I never experienced a happy medium. I learned that depression comes in cycles. I certainly felt it. Whenever the highs of anything subsided I was left searching for more. If I didn't, or if it was not as great as I expected, I would drop all the way down.
It made sense to me: I always seemed to seek something interesting. That may be good to keep things fresh, but I never enjoyed the status quo. I thought that it was something to hate and loath. In my quest to avoid it, I made my low my medium.
It's funny, because I used to hate one character in my chinese name. 庸 has the connotation of mediocre. I didn't want to be mediocre, and so I hated it. Then I remembered what my mom had said about my name:
It's not 庸 in the mediocre term, it was given to mean 中庸, one of the big 4 confuscian books. The Doctrine of the Mean.
Mean, middle. Copacetic. I felt amazed. I think this is what I've been missing.
I need to learn to enjoy the normal. And yes, there ARE things to enjoy of the ordinary. That's not to say that I shouldn't seek high experiences, or that I should take the presence of a low to be the status quo.
I need to find my happy medium.
I'm not well versed in depression, and I'm not sure if this is complete bollocks or not. I've avoided the term for most of my life, and have never sought help. Today was the first time ever. But I feel better.
I know there are chemicals at play that make it simpler than a mindset, but am I off in saying that I might have come through breakthrough (least for me?) I don't expect Rome to be built in a few hours, but I haven't felt this at peace in a very long time. There's still more work to be done, but I see myself getting out of this.
GAF, what do you see as your medium?
blame space
Banned
I'm fat and I have depression.
User 100115
Banned
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
Collete
Member
Oh no, I couldn't possibly. You guys have fun though.
We don't mind if you join Rat.
Really we don't.
Bel Marduk
Banned
Do people laugh at you, and point at you and make you want to put an end to the whole fucking world?
We are here for you if you need to talk
No one is ever here to talk to me!
I wonder why.....
Is worse than a 13 year old school girl
Shit.
Another day, another day on a roller coaster of hate, love, and Alanis Morissette songs.
blame space
Banned
now that you mention it
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
Bel Marduk
Banned
This thread is more active than usual and there are always people here willing to help.
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