Prax
Member
Did you enjoy it at least, though? >_>
(And I hope you don't diminish any positive results to confirm your biases!)
Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
- Start date
- Status
Did you enjoy it at least, though? >_>
(And I hope you don't diminish any positive results to confirm your biases!)
not really considering I had to put up with hearing 2 of the others making out next to me while trying to sleep at the summit of a fucking mountain
that kind of ruined the whole thing
its like
you go to this huge effort to get away from the things that get to you
and then it still gets rubbed in your face that you're incapable of such a thing, and that everyone else around you is
that kind of ruined the whole thing
its like
you go to this huge effort to get away from the things that get to you
and then it still gets rubbed in your face that you're incapable of such a thing, and that everyone else around you is
Prax
Member
Ew.. (lol, I am immature), well, aside of that annoyance, what about the actual adventuring parts? Maybe before that happened and you caught wind of it, it was actually a good experience?
And you are capable. Did I not read about a potential attractive girl you could be dating? >_> Opportunity knocks!
You could just try it out. It's not like you're really wasting her time unknowingly if she was okay with everything when she found out you had depression.
I didnt enjoy it because I dont feel alive
and I dont even know how long I can keep this facade going before I tell her that she deserves someone that can love her back
Prax
Member
That's too bad. I keep wondering though if this is your post-analysis and if you were actually smiling and had your adrenaline pumping and feeling a rush at the time while you were there.
Well, she kind of knew what she was getting into. It's your call in the end, but I'd say to give it a try and see if you don't catch yourself enjoying it and feeling more "human and alive" by accident. She sees something in you and she probably doesn't expect for you to be in love her immediately anyway.
nah
all I remember was wanting to go home
I know its good to give possibility to good things happening, but this is something that I just know is how it is.
Prax
Member
Maybe the anxiety or social situation tired you out more than anything. lol
Hey, don't be too stubborn about the negative if you can help it. Try to enjoy it for however long it lasts. It's not like you have to expedite an outcome.
She a good or cool person though? The type where you'd like to say "yeah, I didn't mind being proven wrong by her"?
AFollowerNotALeader
Member
The next 36 hours are going to be pretty stressful.
scar tissue
Banned
.
Seeing how effortlessly people (especially girls) move from one LTR to another (with less than two months of being single in between) is just pure torture.
Still, today is one of my better days. I'm getting shit done, finally.
Edit: I've considered going on a wilderness adventure too. But I'd go alone, for the exact reasons uchip mentioned.
I'm going to read a survival book or two over the christmas break and learn the basic skills first.
Finals?
I don't really check mine anymore. I really don't have anything to say and yeah don't really want to see that at all. I find it pretty funny that the new interface for Facebook is so bad I can't really navigate around it.
Any advice?
scar tissue
Banned
Take a day off where you literally do nothing productive. Go to sleep early.
Stand up early next day. Be productive.
That's what works for me. Sometimes at least.
Catch you guys later, gotta be productive.
Edit: Make a list, and divide it into short-term, mid-term and long-term stuff.
Start working on the list. For me, it works best if I do a lot of bullet points on the same day. If I manage to do more than one, I can probably do three or five or more too.
On other days, I don't even manage one.
AFollowerNotALeader
Member
Luckily I'm way past that.
In the next 36 hours I basically have to move half my family from two different locations (one on the other side of the Atlantic) to my parents' house up North for Christmas. It's an organizational nightmare, exacerbated by Britain's shitty transport network and my terror of germs and anxiety attacks.
I'm convinced I'm going to fuck it all up and forget something important (like my citalopram), get horribly contaminated (YAY GERMS), get burgled, have a transport chaos and get stranded half-way up the country...
I've been engaging in displacement worrying which is not helping.
TUROK
Member
I just masturbate more frequently to try to kill the loneliness.
Same here, it fucking sucks.
I'm so tired of school that I'm ready to drop out. So tired of people that I want to run away. So tired of this place that I want to move away. As much as I want the changes, I fear them because leaving the familiar will strip me of the last of my remaining security.
I hear ya, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells trying to tip toe around in my daily
"life" the slightest misstep and everything will crumble beneath me. Shit.
Sub_Level
wants to fuck an Asian grill.
In my life everything from Thanksgiving to Valentine's Day has usually meant higher depression than normal, but I've actually been just fine. I'm just staying in all day on the internet or playing games (had surgery so can't go out and I'm on break from school)
Summer was the terrible time this year. Girl broke it off with me, my class at the time was not at all interesting, and it was so miserably hot.
-Well, I actually got a sort of celebration for my Birthday this year.
-Went to see the Hobbit with people
-Getting to go to a party
-Go invited out to drinks with a friend
-Going to a convention soon
-Got started on my volunteer work
-And got my grades back, were I feel like I did my best ever, taking a full course load including Physics and Orgo Chem.
-Got one more essay out of 4 to write for an internship.
-I also get to work at a Maid Cafe!!!! Excite >_<!!!!!!!!! Super Excite!!!
I still need to finish decorating a costume and the last essay tomorrow/Thursday.
So yeah, I've been feeling pretty good and realize that keeping busy and improving myself, is actually making me feel good. Rather than whining about it. So I've made more plans.
-Begin the Masquerade Costume for Acen.
-Write for an Internship every week through the REU program. Dozens to sign up for, so hopefully I can travel a bit.
-Review Orgo I in prep for II, and start looking over Physics II material.
-Keep applying for a new job, I don't mind the one I have, but I want something new.
-Try to get a volunteer job I can do during school, for a few hours.
-get the gym into a standard routine for school this semester. I got shocked by the amount of work I had, but since I know what to do this time. I can expect it.
wow you made more progress than me. congrats.
Collete
Member
I can't really talk anymore on DepressionGAF, least to say it gives everyone more breathing room.
(Long story short, boyfriend and a friend is now watching what I say. Don't feel I have any sense of safety anymore.)
Ouch... you know you can talk to most of us via chat/pm too if you needed to, right.
When I'm quiet, I never know what it means. I feel like if I don't feel the need to talk, maybe things are ok. I've never been that talkative anyway, so maybe that's me just trying to find some justification for it all.
As for my letter to my Mom, I don't know where I stand on it anymore, the thought of having her worry constantly about me is not something I want on her mind. She's spent years and years constantly worrying about my brother, and I've always wanted to make it seem like I was the stable one.
Or, if there's anyone else like me, we're all just bottling things up and keeping away from everyone, even GAF. Not really a good thing.
I'm sorry I haven't been around much, Oomi, but lately I haven't been stable enough to be able to provide any support to you. Hit me up on Skype if I'm ever online, if you're able to.
Keep working at it! Give it a couple of drafts, a couple of days. I thought it was coming along great.
I may be away from my computer for big stretches while I'm with family. Please PM me if you need to talk. I return every PM!
I know the feeling. I actually broke down into tears today from being so lonely, I have never done that. I can't help the feeling that I am in a really dark place in my life.
In a way I find myself moving in that direction... I've never been much of a crier, though. I just find my energy draining more and more and it just gets harder and harder to wake in the morning.
December is the worst month of the year. The Christmas atmosphere all around town is quite depressing when I'm wandering the street alone.
Being cold doesn't help either, I get so lazy so I also lack exercise. Guess I still got saturdays to look forward to since it's the day I play badminton and be a little more active.
Being cold doesn't help either, I get so lazy so I also lack exercise. Guess I still got saturdays to look forward to since it's the day I play badminton and be a little more active.
Deactivate your Facebook. I'm so, so, so glad I did.
Always.
So tinychat mobile may not be an especially robust piece of software in that it's shit.
Skype mobile. gaf.bagels.
Finaika
Member
Prax
Member
That's pretty.. I don't know what to say... ANNOYING of them.
One the one hand, maybe they just want to know what's up and help you if they feel you don't tell them very important things. On the other hand, awkward invasion of privacy and surveillance and c'mon, give a girl some room to breathe!
There's always the chats and PMs hopefully.
Savour the moments of happiness, peeps. That's how you know you can experience it.
Also, I don't know if this is good advice or not, but you don't need to go back and rewrite/reinterpret your past feelings again and decide they were all false or something.
They say that a large portion of memories are actually recreations of an experience in your mind that you put together and interpret again, as if for the first time. You "remember" whatever info, reinterpret those things ,and you may put a new spin or narrative on top of them. You may fill in gaps to make your memory more coherent to you. In fact, a lot of just regular perception is like that too (like how the brain fills in data from your blind spots in your eyes).
There are bad or unpleasant things that have happened to all of us, and some more severe than others, but every day life, the numerous neutral events.. you don't need to kick yourself down for those.. and you don't need to "notice" how everything was "just crap" and "nothing has changed". If you go down that negative thinking path, gently refocus on the neutral or positive aspect.
(And sorry for quoting.. hope it doesn't make you self-conscious!)
Maybe things were just how they were. And you felt happy for whatever reason. And that is okay. Savour that calm or confidence or happiness and look forward to more.
Take it easy on yourselves, guys. You already work hard to keep it together and are looking for ways to make it better.
Yep. Happens to me every couple of weeks. To be honest the frequency has picked up to probably once a week. Hits like a ton.
In some weird way, as much as I hate going on Facebook, I can't fight the urge. Some kind of masochistic addiction.
Bel Marduk
Banned
Eek. Because they're worried about you or because they're being nosy?
Sorry - chat froze! But it's still up for anyone who wants to drop by.
TheApatheticOne
Member
Ill keep it to short bullet-points.
- Im 32.
- Got married May 15th 2009. Had been together 2-3 years prior. Mid 2010 we start fighting quite a bit, ending with me moving out a week before Christmas because she fucked someone else.
- I lot of things led to that so while it was still a shit thing to do, after time I let it go, we stayed friends, and I saw why we got married in the first place.
- She spent the entire month of September at two mental health facilties. Diagnosed with general anxiety disorder, borderline personality disorder, and a few others.
- During that time, I had left my job of 5 years to take a "better job", a place that hasnt hired in almost a decade. Turns out, new hires come in with WAY less, and top out WAY less. Bummed, not nearly the trade I thought I was making, but it was done, it wasnt TERRIBLE, so on with the show.
- I get my first kidney stones. Since I didnt have insurance yet, gathered up almost $5000 dollars in doctors and hospital bills in doctor/hospital bills.
- Due to missing days in the first 90 at work (had to, it was working with large, dangerous machinary at an automotive transmission plant while it was well over 100 degrees in there, and every shift was 5pm to 5am), I was let go. With the meds and pain I was in, no fucking way I could have work. Too dangerous for everyone including myself, and I couldnt focus on TV or anything I was in so much pain. And I have a high threshold for physical pain. But they didnt care. So now unemployed.
- This past year, things have went really well, and we had taken a trip Charlotteville at the end of October. I paid for it to see her favorite band, as she has no money and was in the hospital when tix went on sale. Seeing this band is her favorite thing in the world, very literally. Get back, find out she's with some dude from her work.
- I share everything, open up, tell her we are still married (just never got around to it, we have been in no rush for no particular reason other than maybe laziness) she tells me she still loves me, needs time to think.
- Find out yesterday that the dude has moved in.
So now, Im 32, my wife who Im not with is fucking yet another dude, Im unemployed and despite some GREAT interviews, haven't had any luck finding a new one. Ive been living with my mother. All my friends have moved away and/or have families. And the two that haven't/don't, I just feel depressed hanging out with them. The thought of dating seems impossible. Literally. I dont like clubs or bars, online dating is a waste of time (girls think they're Angelina Jolie looking for Brad Pitt, and it works the other way around). I want a family, but even if all the cards fell perfectly, all the planets aligned, I would be looking at 35ish before I would be a father.
On the job front, every job thats worth anything, you need to know someone on the inside. And I dont know anyone that cant pull me in. I dont want to work at Wendy's at this stage of my life.
And when my wife and I split, I gained a LOT of weight. Ive spent the last month dieting and exercising, but now Im just in why bother mode. Hell, I love eating. Maybe thats it, eating myself to death. That way, everyone thinks "Well, he ate poorly, and died young" instead of some grimmer alternative.
I just... I FEEL done. Im not interested in what today, tomorrow, or the next day will bring, because it's never good and has been so long since Ive had a good day, I probably wouldn't even recognize it.
- Im 32.
- Got married May 15th 2009. Had been together 2-3 years prior. Mid 2010 we start fighting quite a bit, ending with me moving out a week before Christmas because she fucked someone else.
- I lot of things led to that so while it was still a shit thing to do, after time I let it go, we stayed friends, and I saw why we got married in the first place.
- She spent the entire month of September at two mental health facilties. Diagnosed with general anxiety disorder, borderline personality disorder, and a few others.
- During that time, I had left my job of 5 years to take a "better job", a place that hasnt hired in almost a decade. Turns out, new hires come in with WAY less, and top out WAY less. Bummed, not nearly the trade I thought I was making, but it was done, it wasnt TERRIBLE, so on with the show.
- I get my first kidney stones. Since I didnt have insurance yet, gathered up almost $5000 dollars in doctors and hospital bills in doctor/hospital bills.
- Due to missing days in the first 90 at work (had to, it was working with large, dangerous machinary at an automotive transmission plant while it was well over 100 degrees in there, and every shift was 5pm to 5am), I was let go. With the meds and pain I was in, no fucking way I could have work. Too dangerous for everyone including myself, and I couldnt focus on TV or anything I was in so much pain. And I have a high threshold for physical pain. But they didnt care. So now unemployed.
- This past year, things have went really well, and we had taken a trip Charlotteville at the end of October. I paid for it to see her favorite band, as she has no money and was in the hospital when tix went on sale. Seeing this band is her favorite thing in the world, very literally. Get back, find out she's with some dude from her work.
- I share everything, open up, tell her we are still married (just never got around to it, we have been in no rush for no particular reason other than maybe laziness) she tells me she still loves me, needs time to think.
- Find out yesterday that the dude has moved in.
So now, Im 32, my wife who Im not with is fucking yet another dude, Im unemployed and despite some GREAT interviews, haven't had any luck finding a new one. Ive been living with my mother. All my friends have moved away and/or have families. And the two that haven't/don't, I just feel depressed hanging out with them. The thought of dating seems impossible. Literally. I dont like clubs or bars, online dating is a waste of time (girls think they're Angelina Jolie looking for Brad Pitt, and it works the other way around). I want a family, but even if all the cards fell perfectly, all the planets aligned, I would be looking at 35ish before I would be a father.
On the job front, every job thats worth anything, you need to know someone on the inside. And I dont know anyone that cant pull me in. I dont want to work at Wendy's at this stage of my life.
And when my wife and I split, I gained a LOT of weight. Ive spent the last month dieting and exercising, but now Im just in why bother mode. Hell, I love eating. Maybe thats it, eating myself to death. That way, everyone thinks "Well, he ate poorly, and died young" instead of some grimmer alternative.
I just... I FEEL done. Im not interested in what today, tomorrow, or the next day will bring, because it's never good and has been so long since Ive had a good day, I probably wouldn't even recognize it.
That's...a lot to deal with. Hop on Skype or tinychat and you can just vent. I'm a good listener.
http://tinychat.com/i7qmc
Collete
Member
I could but then I just be bothering people on PM/Steam/Skype rather than being here.
It's ok don't take it hard. There's times I can't help people because I'm no where near stability.
The reason I avoid talking to my boyfriend is because literally all he says is one of two generic things "go talk with your mom" (which there is a plethora of reasons wrong with that and I have explained) or "Go play a game"...It's started to sound kind of soul draining and not thoughtful anymore, that I just couldn't talk to him about it anymore.)
I don't know if i can trust chats. Anyone can fake anyone. And no doubt they'd probably go in and listen to what I have to say.
It's a mix of both now I think....No doubt probably boyfriend is reading this.
Vanillalite
Ask me about the GAF Notebook
Rightly or wrongly my Mom has taken a new found "interest" in my mental well being after the events last week. It's semi sad that it's taken such a thing for her to start to care more, but she's been cool about it. We went to lunch the other day, and she was asking me questions about how I was doing and if my current meds and stuff are working.
It was weird from the way she normally acts about it all, but at least I know she seems to genuinely care.
It was weird from the way she normally acts about it all, but at least I know she seems to genuinely care.
Great question. I honestly don't know. My memory fades bad when the depression gets worse. Does anyone have any tips?
(chat is still up, but one computer is frozen, so there are now two of me in there. I finally have a big block to just chat with people and no one is around!)
I'm very worried that one of our members has done something rash. I was told "goodbye" and that this person would not be bothering anyone any more, and they disconnected. I have no idea how to contact this person and I fear the worst.
I have no idea what to do. Many of you can probably guess who i'm talking about. PM me if you have any idea what we can do. This is just absolutely devastating.
I have no idea what to do. Many of you can probably guess who i'm talking about. PM me if you have any idea what we can do. This is just absolutely devastating.
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