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[Bagels]

Join us for more tales from Smiley90's dating life, dating advice from Prax, and INCREDIBLE photoshops from me.



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ADDRESS:
http://chat.mibbit.com

1. CONNECT: leave the server dropdown on mibbit

2. NICK: choose whatever nickname you want
(although if you want to reserve a nickname for yourself only, there are other steps you can take. I used this guide because it was easiest, even though we're not really in the mozilla servers: https://wiki.mozilla.org/IRC
If you want to change your nickname at any time, type "/nick NAMEYOUWANT" )

3. CHANNEL: "#depression_gaf depressionsucks"
(type in all the stuff in the quotation marks. #depression_gaf is the channel, and the depressionsucks part is the password to enter into the room)

4. Press the "CONNECT" button~!
(tabs on the top will display the different channels or private chats you are in

 

[~Kinggi~]

Recently ive been having difficulty dealing with reality. My job is stressful. Im undervalued and have no life. I freak out randomly now and want to commit violent acts sometimes because im angry. Currently though i have distracted myself with wine and some movie films. Monday when i go back to work life will suck again but for the weekend i will be distracted.

 

[Blood Diamonds]

Just had a fight with my Mom and Sister. I'm just tired of shit, they say there's something going on with me, and maybe there is, I don't know. They said that I don't really do anything in life and that I should fix that, but I just think going to school and having friends is enough, it's like we're from different worlds. My Mom wants me to join some youth group of religious kids, she says I need God and blah blah blah... I don't know, I'm pretty sure they're right but I honestly could care less, I don't want to keep going right now. It's 9:40 P.M and I don't think I'm getting out of my room tonight, I feel depressed and tired.

 

[BlazinAm]

So my temp job is coming to an end soon and I am back looking for jobs.

I haven't gone to the gym in maybe two weeks. Lots of thoughts on suicide lately which just drags me down and makes me feel sluggish... I feel I am getting worse. I so old and I have done so little. Staying up late isn't helping and my sleeping pattern is all shit right now.

I haven't done much this any time at home have been negative thoughts and sleeping more, I feel so weak. I need to get out more but there the loneliness and I fact that I don't have any friends.

I am tried of see time go by so fast and me being this static, unproductive, procrastinating thing make my life better.

I also feel really sick.

 

[zoukka]

I'm fat short ugly and most likely never going to date. Why would I want to put effort in this life?

By putting effort you could fix being fat and more confidence = not ugly anymore. I speak from experience. Also if everything else fails, you could always move to a monastery or something. That thought alone kept me going in some of the worst days of my life. The thought that I could just leave my life behind and start from nothing in some poor country and help those that are even more miserable than me.

 

[MisterLuffy]

I honestly wonder how many people would remember if I didn't have it on fb.

Probably no one would remember, even mines. I only use facebook to chat with my brothers and my cousin, also my friend, one friend. I have some friends I know, and I barely chat with them. I was thinking of deactivating my facebook, but I think they took the option out because I was looking for it and couldn't find it. I could care less whether I have friends or not since I'm used to being a lone. Making new friends is hard for me now, so I feel it's the end for me of making new friends.

 

[Gui_PT]

Every life isn't worth living. Why should anyone live to suffer

Well that's definitely going to help everyone here

 

[User 100115]

Guys if I disappear for a bit please don't worry overmuch, I caught the latest plague that's been going around. Going to spend most of the weekend trying to recover. Be kind to yourselves, and I'll see you when I feeling less like I've been run over by a truck.

 

[Dr_Boris_Goltz]

Don't overthink it. Humans are social creatures. The act of writing something down is a form of communication, even if you don't know who the communication is getting out to. It is a social action. An affirmation of self. Probably why is makes you feel a bit better. You get to let out something negative that is bottled up. Also, admitting to something other than your own conscious that you're having a rough time might make you feel less alone/upset about your current situation.

:3

This is logical.

I suppose overthinking is in my (our?) nature, haha.

Anyway my new psych was really really good. He took from my 40MG of Prozac down to 10 and put me on Wellbutrin, which should at least be interesting.

 

[RionaaM]

Guys if I disappear for a bit please don't worry overmuch, I caught the latest plague that's been going around. Going to spend most of the weekend trying to recover. Be kind to yourselves, and I'll see you when I feeling less like I've been run over by a truck.

Good luck Fic! (can I call you that? If you agree, just don't say anything )

Hope to see you back soon, get some good rest!

 

[Mr Cola]

I hope you feel better soon

 

[Xzeon]

everythying is shit, just getting high on colonopiin and powerade, trying to numb and sruvive

my brain is a mess

i hate everything

i really want to die

life is too much

im p sure i got depresion and anxiety and massive paranoia

plus i live with 2 psychos and sociopaths and naracicsts, and i have no back bone or self esteem.

im really really fat and ugly

no friends

im a brony and atheist, whish everone hates those kinds of people

im a manchild that collects toys

im a mess

just no energy, and will to do anything, just, i dont care anymore.

my brain is always tired, and my body is weak.

ive started doing video bloging, it seems to be helping

http://www.youtube.com/user/DarkXzeon/videos

if u wanna ban me for pushing my vids, go ahead.

ponygaf and neogaf are all i got.

i dunno, i always get ignored, so, who cares.

i kinda, just wanna get so high i black out.

im a freak.

the world hates me.

im in therapy.

i dont know what to do.

and i dont care.

theres so many depressed people in here, it makes me sad.

how depressed and angry the world is, how much pain there is.

i just want to love and be happy, but it seems im possible.

my brain is filled with poison and fog.

im male, im 22, live at hom with my mom sister and dad , am 6 foot tall weigh like 400 pounds, and i think about suicide like everyday, or killing people eevrday.

im so tired gaf, im so fucking tired.

im high as shit on anxiety meds, so, most of the imte i bottle everything up, im so afraid to talk, so afraid of my emtioins, i have to get numb in order to vent.

thanks for listeing.

--------------------------

MUDVAYNE

"World So Cold"


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlq7FmCqjoY

When passion's lost and all the trust is gone,
Way too far, for way too long
Children crying, cast out and neglected,
Only in a world so cold, only in a world
This cold
Hold the hand of your best friend, look into their eyes
Then watch them drift away
Some might say, we've done the wrong things,
For way too long, for way too long

Fever inside the storm,
So I'm turning away.
Away from the name
(Calling your names)
Away from the stones
(Throw sticks and stones)
'Cause I'm through mending the wounds of us

Keep your thorns
'Cause I'm running away,
Away from the games
(Fucking head games)
Away from the space
(Hate this head space)
The circumstances of a world so cold

burning whispers, Remind me of the days,
I was left alone, in a world this cold
Guilty of the same things, provoked by
The cause,
I've left alone, in a world so cold
Fever inside the storm,
So I'm turning away.
Away from the name
(Calling your names)
Away from the stones
(Throw sticks and stones)
'Cause I'm through mending the wounds of us

Keep your thorns
'Cause I'm running away,
Away from the games
(Fucking head games)
Away from the space
(Hate this head space)
The circumstances of a world so cold

I'm flying, I'm flying away,
Away from the names
(Calling your names)
Away from the games
(Fucking head games)
The circumstances of a world so cold

Why does everyone feel like my enemy,
Don't want any part of depression or
Darkness, I've had enough
sick and tired, bring the sun, or I'm gone,
Or I'm gone

I'm backing out, I'm no pawn,
No mother-fucking slave to this,
Never lied
Never left
Never lived
Never loved
Never lost
Never hurt
Never worry about being me, or anyone else
Not a care, no concern, don't give a shit about
Anything

Backing out, giving up, no mother-fucking
Slave to this,
Never lied
Never left
Never lived
Never loved
Never lost
Never hurt
Never worry about being me, or anyone else
Not a care, no concern, don't give a shit about
Anything,

I need to find a darkened corner,
A lightless corner,
Where it's safer and calmer,

I'm turning away.
Away from the name
(Calling your names)
Away from the stones
(Throw sticks and stones)
'Cause I'm through mending the wounds of us

I'm running away,
Away from the games
(Fucking head games)
Away from the space
(Hate this head space)
The circumstances of a world so cold

I'm flying, I'm flying away,
Away from the names
(Calling your names)
Away from the games
(Fucking head games)
The circumstances of a world so cold

 

[Collete]

Too dead inside...I feel I should have just ended it when I had the chance...

 

[~Kinggi~]

everythying is shit, just getting high on colonopiin and powerade, trying to numb and sruvive...

Don't really know what to say man other than hang in there. Find something that is really good at distracting you and makes you happy. Something that wouldn't necessarily damage or hurt you. Maybe after you find a good balance, try and do something that keeps you active like go to a gym or get gym equipment to use and do it in between the distractions. After a while and finding a routine you might find yourself in a lot better place. There is really nothing that fixes things in the way people think. Im still all fucked up but have not killed myself yet cause i am still separating shit from good stuff.

 

[NeOak]

Too dead inside...I feel I should have just ended it when I had the chance...

But you didn't. Keep going!

 

[Windam]

Feeling slightly better emotionally, but naturally, I had to exchange something for it. Hit the top of my head hard on a metal beam on Wednesday. The pain is still there, around the top of my head, and Christ it fucking hurts. Took aspirin but it's doing jack shit to help. My eyes have also been rather sore the whole week for some reason. I can never win. Feel myself slipping down again.

 

[Bagels]

Guys if I disappear for a bit please don't worry overmuch, I caught the latest plague that's been going around. Going to spend most of the weekend trying to recover. Be kind to yourselves, and I'll see you when I feeling less like I've been run over by a truck.

Feel better, Fiction! We'll miss you in chat!

Good luck Fic! (can I call you that? If you agree, just don't say anything )

Hope to see you back soon, get some good rest!

You and the nicknames!

everythying is shit, just getting high on colonopiin and powerade, trying to numb and sruvive

my brain is a mess

i hate everything

...

I feel for you, man. Make use of this great community we have. We're here to listen and understand. Find us on skype or steam or in our chat.

 

[Smiley90]

Feeling slightly better emotionally, but naturally, I had to exchange something for it. Hit the top of my head hard on a metal beam on Wednesday. The pain is still there, around the top of my head, and Christ it fucking hurts. Took aspirin but it's doing jack shit to help. My eyes have also been rather sore the whole week for some reason. I can never win. Feel myself slipping down again.

On the bright side, a headache is MUCH easier to get over/cure than emotions, so that's a very temporary trade-off. Although I really wonder how you hit that beam. I remember walking into a concrete pillar head-on once, shit was VERY painful.

 

[breakfuss]

I know this sounds counter intuitive, but family often make things worse...

 

[daripad]

I know this sounds counter intuitive, but family often make things worse...

This is my case. I would be so much better if I lived on my own. I feel like I'm in prison here, limiting myself and no letting me be free.

And guys, why is everything in this thread underlined? Is that a bug? I'm in mobile site bye but this is the only thread with this problem

 

[Smiley90]

This is my case. I would be so much better if I lived on my own. I feel like I'm in prison here, limiting myself and no letting me be free.

And guys, why is everything in this thread underlined? Is that a bug? I'm in mobile site bye but this is the only thread with this problem

Looks fine to me.

 

[Windam]

On the bright side, a headache is MUCH easier to get over/cure than emotions, so that's a very temporary trade-off. Although I really wonder how you hit that beam. I remember walking into a concrete pillar head-on once, shit was VERY painful.

Not really. In this case it's making my already horrid concentration worse because if I have to really think, my head feels like it's splitting apart. So now I'm starting to feel like shit all over again. As for how I hit my head, it was a low metal beam gate at the back of my building. It was closed and there was a truck blocking the way to walk around so I had to crouch under. Done it hundreds of times, but Wednesday was the first time I screwed up and I rose too early and banged the top of my head on the lower part of the beam. Now I'm worried I've got some brain injury and think I'd be better off dead rather than suffer brain damage or something. Even if these thoughts are irrational for what happened (Bagels?) I can't shake them off, and accepting them only leads to them sticking around. So this headache is actually now causing me anxiety + more concentration problems.

 

[Rollo Tomasi]

This is my case. I would be so much better if I lived on my own. I feel like I'm in prison here, limiting myself and no letting me be free.

And guys, why is everything in this thread underlined? Is that a bug? I'm in mobile site bye but this is the only thread with this problem

Im on mobile and I see the underlines too.

I live by myself and I can definitely tell you that compared to with living with my parents it has its ups and downs. Some days I feel super lonely and others I am fine. I guess it takes some getting used to. I also just out of a relationship so the loneliness is tied to that.

The freedom is the best part though.

 

[Smiley90]

Not really. In this case it's making my already horrid concentration worse because if I have to really think, my head feels like it's splitting apart. So now I'm starting to feel like shit all over again. As for how I hit my head, it was a low metal beam gate at the back of my building. It was closed and there was a truck blocking the way to walk around so I had to crouch under. Done it hundreds of times, but Wednesday was the first time I screwed up and I rose too early and banged the top of my head on the lower part of the beam. Now I'm worried I've got some brain injury and think I'd be better off dead rather than suffer brain damage or something. Even if these thoughts are irrational for what happened (Bagels?) I can't shake them off, and accepting them only leads to them sticking around. So this headache is actually now causing me anxiety + more concentration problems.

Your brain can resist quite heavy damage. One of the more heavily protected body parts (I'M LOOKING AT YOU BALLS) You'll be fine, just mention it to your doc on Monday if it still hurts.

 

[Bagels]

I wanted to advertise again for the depression-GAF anthology. This will be a collection of writings, about anything you'd like, by members of our community. It'll be a pdf, most likely. It's just a chance for longer-form writing by some of our amazing writers. I've had some great submissions already. Please let me know if you'd like to be a part of the project!

 

[Bagels]

Your brain can resist quite heavy damage. One of the more heavily protected body parts (I'M LOOKING AT YOU BALLS) You'll be fine, just mention it to your doc on Monday if it still hurts.

Okay, please don't look at my balls, smiley.

 

[Windam]

I wanted to advertise again for the depression-GAF anthology. This will be a collection of writings, about anything you'd like, by members of our community. It'll be a pdf, most likely. It's just a chance for longer-form writing by some of our amazing writers. I've had some great submissions already. Please let me know if you'd like to be a part of the project!

If I had the "short" story I wrote for a "friend" a few years back, I'd totally submit it. Unfortunately it was when I had my OS on my HDD, which was wiped to use for storage when I got my SSD. I don't think I'll text her about it. If I can find my creativity again (and have the time), I'll write something new. Unless of course you'd like boring school essays and assignments that I've had to write over the past two years

 

[ClassyPenguin]

I wanted to advertise again for the depression-GAF anthology. This will be a collection of writings, about anything you'd like, by members of our community. It'll be a pdf, most likely. It's just a chance for longer-form writing by some of our amazing writers. I've had some great submissions already. Please let me know if you'd like to be a part of the project!

Will turn in my part by tomorrow night.

 

[daripad]

Im on mobile and I see the underlines too.

I live by myself and I can definitely tell you that compared to with living with my parents it has its ups and downs. Some days I feel super lonely and others I am fine. I guess it takes some getting used to. I also just out of a relationship so the loneliness is tied to that.

The freedom is the best part though.

Being lonely is not a problem for me. In fact, I prefer being lonely than living with other people that I didn't chose to live with. Living here is making me more sick each day. Hopefully I will finish my career and start doing different things, but I'm a lot of years away from that

 

[Linsies]

Any of you suffer from fibromyalgia? Can you post your experience with it please?

A little late but I wanted to post about this. My current diagnosis is Fibromyalgia with Degenerative Disc Disease in my neck and lower back. The pain is something I can't even describe. The depression caused by the pain is the worst. I am very ambitious and I refuse to let it win but there are times in which I'm barely able to get off of the couch for days (thankfully I work from home). Oddly the herniated discs I suffer through are nothing compared to the pain from Fibromyalgia.

My doctor and Neurologist tell me not to push myself. I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful kids. I don't want them to think of me as sick so I push myself every single day. It makes life unbearable. How do you tell your pride to let go so your body and mind can heal?

I am on a number of medications. For Fibromylagia, I take Lyrica (also prescribed for GAD, which I have) and Savella. I was on Cymbalta (also used for MDD) but it was causing severe side effects so I recently got off of it. The withdrawals are insane. Seizures, chills, sweating, body ache, vomiting, nausea, lethargy, sleep loss, etc. Those are just the experiences I have had - I can imagine there are others. I wouldn't recommend Cymbalta to anyone. Getting off makes you feel like you are dying. Getting on makes you feel like you are being poisoned.

I also take several pain medications and muscle relaxers. I want to have more children but it seems impossible now. I want to be happy and active without the pain. There is no cure. I'm stuck.

 

[Windam]

Just finished the book I've been reading for the past week (Never Let Me Go). No book has ever made me feel so emotional. At one point I wanted to put the book down and just cry. I realized how much I could connect with two of the characters at certain points in the story, and they aren't good/happy connections. I don't think this was my greatest idea, reading this book at this point in time. All the pain/sadness in there just got doubled. It might seem dumb, reacting so emotionally to a book, but this was the first time in months I've felt connected to something, and it wasn't cheery. At all. Life really isn't fair. (Both in terms of the real world, and for the characters in the book.) I don't know where I'm going with this but I needed to share.

/end stupid rambling

 

[Karkador]

A little late but I wanted to post about this. My current diagnosis is Fibromyalgia with Degenerative Disc Disease in my neck and lower back. The pain is something I can't even describe. The depression caused by the pain is the worst. I am very ambitious and I refuse to let it win but there are times in which I'm barely able to get off of the couch for days (thankfully I work from home). Oddly the herniated discs I suffer through are nothing compared to the pain from Fibromyalgia.

My doctor and Neurologist tell me not to push myself. I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful kids. I don't want them to think of me as sick so I push myself every single day. It makes life unbearable. How do you tell your pride to let go so your body and mind can heal?

I am on a number of medications. For Fibromylagia, I take Lyrica (also prescribed for GAD, which I have) and Savella. I was on Cymbalta (also used for MDD) but it was causing severe side effects so I recently got off of it. The withdrawals are insane. Seizures, chills, sweating, body ache, vomiting, nausea, lethargy, sleep loss, etc. Those are just the experiences I have had - I can imagine there are others. I wouldn't recommend Cymbalta to anyone. Getting off makes you feel like you are dying. Getting on makes you feel like you are being poisoned.

I also take several pain medications and muscle relaxers. I want to have more children but it seems impossible now. I want to be happy and active without the pain. There is no cure. I'm stuck.

I've known someone with fibro and how it affected their daily life, and I get what you're saying. It's a hell of a disease, and I hope there are further breakthroughs in treatment soon.

My humble suggestion (and forgive me if you've already tried this) is that you could try communicating more to your loved ones about fibro affects your capacity to do things, and how much you have left in you for the time being. Have you heard of the 'spoons' method of describing your level of pain/exhaustion to others? They key is to plan your time/energy better with others to get the most out of the time with them. I'm sure they would be happy to be better at accommodating you, and feel special in knowing that you are spending a limited resource (your time, comfort and energy) to be with them.

 

[Bagels]

Just finished the book I've been reading for the past week (Never Let Me Go). No book has ever made me feel so emotional. At one point I wanted to put the book down and just cry. I realized how much I could connect with two of the characters at certain points in the story, and they aren't good/happy connections. I don't think this was my greatest idea, reading this book at this point in time. All the pain/sadness in there just got doubled. It might seem dumb, reacting so emotionally to a book, but this was the first time in months I've felt connected to something, and it wasn't cheery. At all. Life really isn't fair. (Both in terms of the real world, and for the characters in the book.) I don't know where I'm going with this but I needed to share.

/end stupid rambling

I hope you'll hop back online, Windam. I miss ya!

You know, I always think there's hope for me when i can still cry. If a book can move me to tears, it means I AM still capable of the strongest emotions. Take these feelings as a sign that you're still human - that a good heart beats in your chest.

 

[0xCA2]

Yeah, didn't sleep because I was either looking at a bunch of depraved porn or feeling bad about looking at said porn ( mostly the former ), or eating, or compulsively refreshing GAF. I must've watched porn like 4 or 5 times. No idea why I'm so impulsive. The porn stuff is probably the result of me being so anxious and depressed about my ineptitude with women last night, as I was also imagining myself trying for a year to improve myself and become likable, only to fail and just turn to hookers.

I have all sorts of work that needs to be done, but it's all fell by the wayside and at this point I just feel like sleeping.

 

[daripad]

I found out recently that who I though were my friends were never that. This last two weeks we had vacations and we didn't see each other or even communicating , or that is what I though, but I just learned that they have been seeing each other or messaging with themselves without including me. Seems that my group of friends is broken in pieces and that no one grabbed me. I feel so bad about it, but it made me think that I should just be alone and try to improve at my studies because I won't have friends to distract me, so It is not so bad after all. But it sucks too because with them I didn't feel lonely and they helped me a bit with my depression. Or am I just making a big thing out of this and they still are my friends? I am confused.

 

[BigEvilTurtle]

I found out recently that who I though were my friends were never that. This last two weeks we had vacations and we didn't see each other or even communicating , or that is what I though, but I just learned that they have been seeing each other or messaging with themselves without including me. Seems that my group of friends is broken in pieces and that no one grabbed me. I feel so bad about it, but it made me think that I should just be alone and try to improve at my studies because I won't have friends to distract me, so It is not so bad after all. But it sucks too because with them I didn't feel lonely and they helped me a bit with my depression. Or am I just making a big thing out of this and they still are my friends? I am confused.

I wouldn't assume they're no longer your friends, and I suggest talking to them and asking what's up! Having friends when you're depressed is a pretty good way to keep yourself moderately happy so I wouldn't just throw it away over something silly. If worse comes to worst, I urge you to make new friends. I'm sure everything is fine, though.

 

[User 100115]

I am still very ill, but I wanted to share an inspirational quote from the latest Doctor Who (I will spoiler it so you that haven't watched it, etc)

Spoiler

(He is talking to someone who is supposed to be sacrificed to a god)All the elements in your body were forged many many billions of years ago, in the heart of a faraway star that exploded and died. That explosion scattered those elements across the desolations of deep space. After so, so many eons of being scattered these elements came together to form new stars and new planets and on and on it went. The elements came together, and burst apart, making shoes and sillywacks and cabbages and kings, until eventually they came together to make you. You are unique in the universe. The is only one Mary Gallel. And there will never be another. Getting rid of that existence isn't a sacrifice. It is a waste.

 

[Xun]

I may finally go ahead with it and request a 1 month ban tonight.

It'll soon be a new week, and although I know I won't be able to completely avoid GAF, it should help in some way at least.

As of this post I have 4071 subscribed threads, so that really does show how much time I waste on GAF. I hoard threads far too much, and this will almost act as a cleansing.

 

[Collete]

It's just all hopeless...

 

[Smiley90]

I just told my sister everything in a crazy long facebook message. Oh god what have I done.

 

[GasProblem]

Typed out a whole post but it's stupid. Nothing compared to what you guys are going through. I know where my problems lie, I know that they are fixable, just need to get off my lazy ass and fix them. But that's the hard part. Need someone to kick my butt, but I'm 23, I should be able to kick it myself and not feel sorry for myself.

 

[Smiley90]

Typed out a whole post but it's stupid. Nothing compared to what you guys are going through. I know where my problems lie, I know that they are fixable, just need to get off my lazy ass and fix them. But that's the hard part. Need someone to kick my butt, but I'm 23, I should be able to kick it myself and not feel sorry for myself.

Post it. Everyone has their own problem. We're not a thread to say "at least you're not a starving child in Africa", because that's not how the brain works. I'd say my problems are MUCH less worse than what a lot of others are going through too, but I acknowledge that they are problems that bother me persoally, as much as I don't want them to, and that's why I'm here.

I know how to fix mine too, but it's not easy. At all. Feel free to share.

 

[NeOak]

It's just all hopeless...

No, it isn't. Keep going!

Typed out a whole post but it's stupid. Nothing compared to what you guys are going through. I know where my problems lie, I know that they are fixable, just need to get off my lazy ass and fix them. But that's the hard part. Need someone to kick my butt, but I'm 23, I should be able to kick it myself and not feel sorry for myself.

*kicks butt*

 

[Bagels]

Typed out a whole post but it's stupid. Nothing compared to what you guys are going through. I know where my problems lie, I know that they are fixable, just need to get off my lazy ass and fix them. But that's the hard part. Need someone to kick my butt, but I'm 23, I should be able to kick it myself and not feel sorry for myself.

This perception needs to die. Our problems are real, and worth discussing. There's no misery contest. And we all learn when other people share. We feel less alone.

 

[daripad]

Now I noticed my sister doesn't want to see me anymore. She's going to study away and I'm going to be with my father but she said that she doesn't want to come back anymore, not even in holidays. I considered her my friend my whole life but she doesn't feel the same way and it seems that she hates me. I haven't done anything bad to her, I have been very supportive with her problems, I don't know what I did to her that she feels like that.
Now I feel lonely, stuck in this stupid town with my stupid father who will eventually hate me when he learns that I'm gay.
Seems that these last days have been shit to me.

 

[Windam]

I hope you'll hop back online, Windam. I miss ya!

You know, I always think there's hope for me when i can still cry. If a book can move me to tears, it means I AM still capable of the strongest emotions. Take these feelings as a sign that you're still human - that a good heart beats in your chest.

I'm not so sure about a "good" heart, but yeah I'm not dead yet.

I find myself worrying and stressing myself over really stupid things. Today when I drove to the library to work on a group project, I kept worrying about whether I locked the car, whether I was parked okay, whether or not the lights would be on for some reason... I had to go check by saying "Whoops, think I forgot my wallet in there". Now that it's parked in the basement, I wonder the same shit over again and I'm scaring myself over nothing. I don't know why I'm doing this.

 

[Magik]

I'm not so sure about a "good" heart, but yeah I'm not dead yet.

I find myself worrying and stressing myself over really stupid things. Today when I drove to the library to work on a group project, I kept worrying about whether I locked the car, whether I was parked okay, whether or not the lights would be on for some reason... I had to go check by saying "Whoops, think I forgot my wallet in there". Now that it's parked in the basement, I wonder the same shit over again and I'm scaring myself over nothing. I don't know why I'm doing this.

Sounds a lot like OCD, which I have as well so you're not alone. Its a very frustrating things that is disruptive to life.

 

[Windam]

Sounds a lot like OCD, which I have as well so you're not alone. Its a very frustrating things that is disruptive to life.

My problems started with some OCD thoughts back in July, 2011. Since then, my mental health has never really recovered. One problem on top of the other. Usually the stronger thoughts will stay for about a week, then go away and I'll be at "peace" for months. Then it starts all over again. (My initial OCD thoughts lasted from July-November before they switched focus.) And yes, it is very frustrating. Sometimes I can't think straight because my brain is focusing so much on worrying over nothing.

 

[neojubei]

I am still very ill, but I wanted to share an inspirational quote from the latest Doctor Who (I will spoiler it so you that haven't watched it, etc)

Spoiler

(He is talking to someone who is supposed to be sacrificed to a god)All the elements in your body were forged many many billions of years ago, in the heart of a faraway star that exploded and died. That explosion scattered those elements across the desolations of deep space. After so, so many eons of being scattered these elements came together to form new stars and new planets and on and on it went. The elements came together, and burst apart, making shoes and sillywacks and cabbages and kings, until eventually they came together to make you. You are unique in the universe. The is only one Mary Gallel. And there will never be another. Getting rid of that existence isn't a sacrifice. It is a waste.

I saw that episode. I agree with him, my life is a waste.

 

[Magik]

My problems started with some OCD thoughts back in July, 2011. Since then, my mental health has never really recovered. One problem on top of the other. Usually the stronger thoughts will stay for about a week, then go away and I'll be at "peace" for months. Then it starts all over again. (My initial OCD thoughts lasted from July-November before they switched focus.) And yes, it is very frustrating. Sometimes I can't think straight because my brain is focusing so much on worrying over nothing.

I hear you. The excessive worrying is so mentally draining especially since I"m an introvert. I find myself mentally exhausted near the end of the day at times. My OCD at the moment is work related where I fucked up a few months ago and ever since, I've been worried that I would make the same mistake again. So much time and productivity is wasted, which of course lowers my results, which then makes me feel like shit, combined with other stupid shit that goes through my head, which comes together making me feel like crap.