For all the talk of games being art, most really focus on just being entertainment, which means that the range of emotions they convey are pretty constrained. Excitement. Fun. These are the emotions, the metrics, most games are judged by.
But what else do games make you feel? What does Destiny make us feel?
Destiny certainly has a great feel to its sandbox. Empowering and smooth. It's a social game, so we feel camaraderie, in playing together against the Darkness and testing ourselves in the Crucible. Lots of games have power fantasies. Lots of games have great co-op or PvP.
What unique feelings does Destiny have? For me, that answer is in the
Trials of Osiris.
When I think of Trials, I feel tense, on edge, anxious even. It's unpleasant. I'd even go so far as to say I feel _fearful_ at times. I watch DGAF play over the weekend and my gut clenches when I see them at 8-0, or worse, go 8-1. Nothing in games hurts like a Trials loss. Nothing stings like
Ape's frustration over a dumb mistake, or
Drizz's exasperated sighs. (Or the rare, but devastating "John pls" from
Igor.) There are times when I'm watching twitch where I'm *thankful* I'm not even playing. Such is the level of stress that trying for Mercury can bring.
Trials of Osiris is easily the most nerve-racking thing I do on a regular basis.
Kirk Hamilton of Kotaku is right:
I finish a card and my nerves are a jangly mess.
Only two other games have created that feeling in me, both of which are games that also have ridiculously high skill requirements: Dark Souls and Monster Hunter.
Let's dispense with the obvious: Trials is aptly named. It's the most competitive mode in Destiny and in any game I've ever played. You will face the best of the best in Trials. Shaxx may say the Crucible is "no place for Mercy", but that's most true in Trials.
XplicitOne likes to look up the ranks of his opponents and that's shown him going up against literally the #1 ranked player. I'll go in blind thank you very much.
For all my posts about First Curse, Defenders and other unique loadouts, I know you have to respect the meta: Doctrine, Truth, Striker, T11+, etc. Get your gear, master the gear, or die by it. Know the maps, the angles or you'll get domed instantly. Trials is, to put it simply, unforgiving.
Trials ups the ante over Dark Souls by making it a team mode. Whereas losing 20,000 souls in Blight Town might
suck, it doesn't affect others. You have to find two other people to play with and I mean really gel with. That's not easy. Some people micromanage too much. Others are too much of a lone wolf. I'm lucky here. But the luckier you are, the more you don't want to let your team down with a loss.
Because once you have your team, you have to win. Not just once. But 7 times, with only one loss. That kinda run takes probably an hour easy. Monster Hunter fights time out after 20 minutes. Imagine an hour in Dark Souls without a bonfire. (Add on to that that I really can only guaranteed a 2 hour window in which to play, which puts a real penalty on resetting a card.)
All this is true regardless of your skill level, but it's harder when you're not an all-star. I've played Halo since Halo 1, but that was hang out, goof-off Halo. Even my solo Legendary successes were mostly about patience rather than skill. Your team will push you to be better, will push you to play outside your comfort zone. As a sniper, mid-range player, I'm fairly passive, but our team succeeds when we're aggressive. This is how I feel when Ape says "push the heavy":
And just like in MonHun, Dark Souls, losing to a boss or worse, a "double boss loss" not only feels **really** bad, it also means you don't have anything to show for your time. There are no checkpoints, no partial rewards.
So why do it? Well, there's more than games than entertainment.
Rewards are another metric for how to judge a game, particularly a loot game. I've ranted plenty about Destiny's stingy loot, abusive RNG and grueling progression. But there are other rewards, achievements beyond even a Platinum trophy.
Trials is tough, but the difficulty isn't the point. Dark Souls, similarly, isn't really hard.
The way to beat Dark Souls isn't "git gud". It's about patience, preparedness and learning. Same with Monster Hunter. Your first fight with a new monster isn't about killing it per se, it's about learning the fight. But at the end of day, what's true in both of those games, is that no matter how scary or how tough the enemy is: **every enemy is killable**. And that's true for even the 2000+ elo Final Bosses.
That's why winning feels good. Really, really fucking good.
No spoonfed victories. There are no safeguards. Failure is absolute. And therefore victory is too. That's why I loooooove the Lighthouse. I watch the intro cinematic in full everytime. It's magic, because it's been earned, truly earned.
But even failure can feel good, or at least the silver lining, is that every failure makes me better. True achievement comes from besting your previous self, from learning, from improving. I wrote a massive post about my first time getting to the Lighthouse without a carry, and that's because it was an achievement in self-improvement. The true Trials is inside.
Emblems have come to symbolize achievement in Destiny ever since the first expansion. They're activity rewards, but they also drop from killing raid bosses and of course, Trials.
Drizz & Rubenov got me this one:
Rubenov & Wicked got me this one:
Playing with Ape & Igor got me this one:
And my greatest achievement is getting this one with Igor & Ape:
I fret a lot about whether I've really "earned" any of those emblems, because I view them as achievements, not just cosmetic options. The Year 1 emblem is a nice souvenir, but I didn't earn that, and don't feel like I can wear it. And it took 5 months after I got carried to actually earn my Hic Jacet. There are two emblems that you can't get from a carry: the Sun and the Scarab Heart. How can I wear the Sun when Igor has eight (8!) times more playtime than me? And the Scarab Heart, how can I wear that when Ape has gone Flawless over ten (10+!) more times than me? I worry I won't suitably represent the tier of player that's truly earned that, so when I play Trials, I put on the
Moon of Osiris. I'm still the weakest member of my team. The Moon emblem all I feel confident in wearing. Not the Sun, just a reflection of its presence.
Ape has two consistent comments on my Trials game. One: I lack the confidence commensurate with my actual skills, and two: no matter how sweaty the game goes I'm really good at centering myself.
As a man who struggles with anxiety in everyday life, my natural inclination is to avoid stressful situations. I work at it, which is why I've had to learn how to center myself. And so Trials is good for me, even when it is scary. It's a chance to confront a situation that makes me nervous. And to do so with two guys who have my back all the way. That's why this weekend, I'm going to wear my Scarab Heart.
Ape, Igor, can't wait to play this weekend.
