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[Aiustis]

I'm kind of indifferent so I always say I don't want kids. I feel like to be a good parent I'd have to want the kid. A child might be more than I can handle and I'd ended up having a breakdown and drowning it, sending off to sleep with the aid of benedryl or whiskey.

I told someone that and they said that kind of worry would make me a great parent. I think they're crazy.

 

[whitehawk]

I was going to try and be nice and whatever, but I say this sincerely

Go fuck yourself.

Have you talked to those aunts and uncles who don't have kids, do they think their lives are empty? Are they happy how they're living? Do they think they have a good life?

My gf and I talked about kids very soon into our relationship and decided against it. Are you willing to say to my face that my life is empty because I don't have kids? Because we love our life. I'm sorry, but people who have decided against it are sick and tired of everybody in our lives/society telling us "oh, you'll change your mind", "you don't really know what you want", "but your life will be so pointless!" and so on. We don't want your pity and snide sideways insults.

There are ways of phrasing things that don't insult people who have made a totally valid decision.

I know my family. I know my aunt wishes she had of had a kid. My aunt has always wanted me and my brother to stay over at her place, for what I always suspected was to make up her lack of kids. Then I knew for sure when my dad told me her biggest regret in life was not having children. I'm not saying that your life will be empty without kids, but I do predict that mine would feel that way if I didn't have kids. I see a bit of it in my aunt. I'm not saying my aunt is miserable without kids, but I'm pretty sure it's a missing void in her life that I would like to avoid when I get older.

No disrespect was intended.

 

[The Dutch Slayer]

Only if I would ever make enough money to give him/her a better life in the future then I would ever have.
Other wise I would raise a kid in an environment that is less that I had growing up that is not a situation that I would ever want my kid to life in.
And not in terms of buying stuff or anything but, giving him/her chance for better school and better living environment etc.

 

[Timeaisis]

I'm going to start subbing to all your life-questions threads, max, because we seem to be in the same boat a lot of the time.

And, yeah, I want kids, eventually. I, too, am 26.

 

[Mareg]

28 got my first kid. Wife forced me too.
30 had my second kid. Wife really had to force me too !
32 got rid of wife.
35 kids are the joy of my life. Ex-wife can die in a fire for all I care.

 

[yongeandcollege]

The experience of raising kids is a fundamental part of the human condition. To me it's a part of being a human on the planet earth. Avoiding kids is like avoiding drugs, avoiding sex, avoiding travel, avoiding relationships, avoiding work. It's fundamental to what makes us human.

 

[maquiladora]

 

[Sweet Ivy]

I suppose on an obvious level people are missing out on a particular set of experiences that are supposed to be powerful, but there are probably sages living in the mountains breathing rarefied air and having way more powerful experiences than any of us. There are lots of ways of living satisfied lives and all of them demand of us some kind of sacrifice in that we don't have enough time in life to do it all. What annoys me is mostly the belief that starting a family is the only way to find fulfillment that's worth anything, because that's what they and everyone else they know are doing.

This is very true, no one can really understand what kind of satisfaction any other person can get from themselves of living in a couple.
Kids aren't the only think that can fulfill one's life. Definitely not for anyone!

The experience of raising kids is a fundamental part of the human condition. To me it's a part of being a human on the planet earth. Avoiding kids is like avoiding drugs, avoiding sex, avoiding travel, avoiding relationships, avoiding work. It's fundamental to what makes us human.

The "animal", self-preserving part of humanity yes (that's how I see it).
Anything else, not really. That's simply what is is for YOU.

 

[Woody Invincible]

I really don't want kids. My sister found out recently that she unfortunately could not have kids, and I felt that all the kid pressure fell upon my shoulders, but fuck it. My parents are looking forward to my sister adopting soon, though.

 

[Ecto311]

I have a daughter and we planned it the way we thought would go best. Get a good job; she has one and we get married first since if we cant commit to each other how would a kid work in all this. Then we get married and try - she gets pregnant and sends me a txt of the pregnancy test saying I am going to be a dad. 2 hours after that I get a mass radio announcement at work (cement mine) that we have a meeting in an hour. Go to the meeting and same day get laid off. Since then it has been tough but with her around the thoughts of divorce and suicide kinda go away. I mean it sucks since that job was great and I have yet to find anything that pays half of what I was getting. The entire time I was there (7 years) people had been talking about lay offs. Checking the news and other things it was never apparent to me that we were going to be making cuts so we went for it. I am glad we did. My daughter is the shit and its so cool watching the whole process. Now the first 2 years kinda suck since they are more apt to bond with mom but I was unemployed so it was forced on me to be bonding with her.

I did want a son but had no control in that. Worked out better too since my inlaws are cunts and wanted a son also they get fucked. Even better they want to be around all the time and cant since they live far away. They are also faux religious and me and my wife are agnostic/atheist so we explain that grandma and grandpa are full of shit and go to church for Easter and Xmas. Since having her and our income situation going from shit to less shitty we also decided to not have more kids. We wouldn't even have had this one had we known where we would be now. We did initially want two but with her getting older it would just be a divide and way more work than we want to try to do. I really like having one kid since you get to really focus on them also and be there for almost everything they need mentally.

The whole thing having her and getting let go from work has also taught me that there are a lot of judgmental fucks out there. I was one of them too before I got let go. Most people think that someone like us wants to be in this situation or is too lazy. It can be over night that things fall apart for someone and they are in a bad place with a kid. I agree with others that there is no good time for this and if you want one just have one then figure it out as you go. You might not have a great job or a fantastic one but that could change too. Even if the job is 100% solid nothing says you will be bulletproof to injury or death leaving her/him with the kid. Then there is the scary part that the kid might have issues in the womb. My wife almost died when we were having our daughter and that was the most terrifying part of my life because I would taking care of a child that looks just like the love of my life before she was born.

I would advise one thing though for care - if you have one and the lady breastfeeds great but when you move on to bottles don't let the baby have one in bed before sleeping with milk. The milk rots out the teeth and requires tons of shitty surgery to get it all fixed needing the kid to be under for the process. That is the worst thing we have had to deal with and neither me or my wife were aware of it. Even my wife's mom an OBGYN had no idea "bottle rot" was a thing. Plus side my daughter has metal front teeth with white caps and one of the white caps chipped off after a year showing a bit of the metal. I convinced her that it is a wolverine type tooth that has metal embedded in it. She thinks she could be part super hero.


TLDR
Want one just have one. Being prepared can only get you so far. Pregnancy almost killed my wife - then you are taking care of a kid alone that looks like the person you loved. Don't let them have a bottle with milk or sugar at night once they get off the wife/girlfriends sloppers - fucks up their teeth quickly.

 

[AgentP]

Kids are great, but be prepared to..

- Spend most of your money on them. Its either clothes, toys, food, more expensive house for a good school district, etc.
- Spend your free time with them or about them. Soccer practice, take them to school, pick them up, take them to friends house, pick them up, etc.
- Kill your sex life.

I have three. One would be much ,much easier, but too predictable.

 

[yongeandcollege]

The "animal", self-preserving part of humanity yes (that's how I see it). Anything else, not really. That's simply what is is for YOU.

Anything that has such far ranging consequences on your perspective of the universe and humanity is fundamental. It's perfectly fine to not want to have kids, but by making that decision you are opting out of a big part of the human experience. Just like if you decide you will never alter your conscience with drugs of some sort. It's a valid decision, perhaps even "logical" in terms of brain health (similar to saying that kids pollute and take resources), but I'll argue that the straight edge is missing out an important experience that the physical world has to offer.

 

[Sweet Ivy]

Anything that has such far ranging consequences on your perspective of the universe and humanity is fundamental. It's perfectly fine to not want to have kids, but by making that decision you are opting out of a big part of the human experience. Just like if you decide you will never alter your conscience with drugs of some sort. It's a valid decision, perhaps even "logical" in terms of brain health (similar to saying that kids pollute and take resources), but I'll argue that the straight edge is missing out an important experience that the physical world has to offer.

Well, apart that I don't want to alter myself with drugs, I don't feel the need, the point is there are billions of experiences that can be done and, honestly, not enough time in a lifetime.
Being a parent is an amazing experience, I can see that, but I don't feel I have the time for it as I want to make many other experiences that would clash with it.
And I don't have that maternal need, to be honest.

You can't experience everything, you have to look into yourself and see what's best for you.

Being a parent is a HUGE commitment, something that I feel and see many decide to undertake just because they have nothing else in their lives. Mind you, not every parent does that, many do though and that's why they feel so great, they had nothing else.

I'm just saying, not everyone needs kids to be whole and having kids also prevents you from many other different experiences.

 

[sixteen-bit]

I refuse to propagate my shitty genes.

 

[Aurongel]

I'm probably too young to say at this point (21, debt-ridden college student) by my current answer is no and I don't see it changing for a good long time. I'm far too selfish and my work will be far too demanding for me to be a good father. It also doesn't help that I have fucking terrible genes, I'm not interested in burdening someone else with tree/grass allergies, acne, bad facial hair and heart disease that kills most men in my family by 65.

Like I said, I'm still young and naive so this stance is subject to change.

 

[Phat Michael]

29,expecting my 4th kid.

I don't know what to tell you, kids are awesome, but I know they come with a high probability of turning into teenagers, which sucks, but I've heard it's temporary.

IMO, don't over think it, kids are just that, little people that run in your house, that are designed to amaze and about the hell out of you, they will test your patience and every limit and law you set.

I've always heard old people saying they should have had more kids, but never people saying they should have had less. Think about that.

Then you haven't talked to enough people. That, or they are lying to save face.

Everything you wrote about testing your patience and limits, that doesn't really sound like a positive thing to me.

 

[Snuggles]

I already have one. Wanting had nothing to do with it, though. I guess you could say I decided to have a kid when I got drunk and fucked someone without a condom. That doesn't make me care any less for my child, but it's hard to feel like family when we're eight hundred miles apart.

I don't know if I'll ever have one intentionally, but I like the idea of it in the right circumstances. The pre-requisite would be for me to find someone I want to spend my life with, but that's not so easy.

 

[retrogamer84]

I definitely do, but my girlfriend does not so far. I am trying to sway her, but it is not easy so far. She is so great with her niece and nephews too. Oh well, I will just keep trying.

 

[anarckitty]

Just curious about this since I'm 26 and this is something my wife and I have ongoing convos about.

Love to hear from Parent-Age as well.

P.S. to my many suitors, like currygan, JC, Freaky Fred, et al.: the question in the thread title is not a proposition.

I've always wanted children. Preferably two, one girl and one boy.

My husband and I got married when I was 26 and he was 23. We were originally going to wait a little longer, but my father got diagnosed with mesothelioma less than a year after we got married. My husband has always wanted kids (the sooner the better), so it was a no-brainer for us to start trying shortly after my father's diagnosis. Due to some health issues of my own I wasn't able to get pregnant until I was 27, and ended up giving birth to our daughter at 28.

If my husband had his way, we'd have at least 3 or 4 kids before all is said and done. He isn't the one that has to carry them though.

OP, there really isn't a perfect time to have children. If you and your wife have started talking about it and are both on the same page, then get to it! As others have said I'm sure, you're never truly ready and you're not getting any younger. Your life will never be the same after you have kids, good and bad. In my opinion though, the good always outweighs the bad.

 

[5amshift]

I definitely do, but my girlfriend does not so far. I am trying to sway her, but it is not easy so far. She is so great with her niece and nephews too. Oh well, I will just keep trying.

Let's switch partners! My girlfriend does, but I don't want any. If I do, I better be convinced easily it's a good deal.

 

[FonkyByNature]

I want one kid only but it's not working for me and my wife. I'm 35 and she's 30. We've been trying for 3 years already. We're still going to fertility clinics... I have a feeling i will never be a dad but i can live with that. I was never someone who absolutely needed to have a family. I always wanted to take care of a little kid and that my attention would go towards that kid.

One thing is sure, i would never want to have more than one kid. I see friends with 3-4, some even with 5 kids and their life looks like a fucking nightmare.