Do you want kids? (Parents: how did you decide to have kids?)

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I'm 32 as of this past Monday. No, for several reasons:

1. I barely make enough money to support myself. Growing up, I missed out on a lot of experiences because my mom (dad left when I was 3) could barely afford to keep us all fed and housed. I don't resent her or anything, but if I had a kid, I would want them to have the best possible shot at life I could give them, college/trade school/educaton fund included. I am nowhere near that point.

2.My family health history is terrible. Lots of heart issues, teeth problems, diabetes, and I was born with cataracts. Basically, my family genetics are shitty as hell, and I don't want my theoretical kin dealing with them.

3. I am way too nice and would be the worst dad ever. My kids would pretty much walk all over me and turn into monsters.

4. I have barely lived my own life so far. I live in a very tiny studio apartment and have a lot of debt thanks to student loans and other things. Most of my 20's were wasted in rural Pennsylvania. The closest thing I have taken to a vacation in the past decade is going to conventions (which I don't do anymore, semi-long story.) I have only recently gotten into a decent position on my career path. There is so much more I want to do with my life before I have to focus all my time and energy into creating and shaping an entire human being.
 
2-3 kids, tops, not sure I could handle more. Definitely want them, there's no way I'll be talked out of it.

However, I'm only 23, so that's not happening for like another 8-10 years. But i'm really excited about it.
 
I thought I didn't want kids. Spent my teens and the whole of my twenties, and my very early thirties, thinking 'nah, not for me'. Even after I met my (now) husband I was still not that keen on the idea (I love my games, shopping, partying, generally having a high disposable income and little responsibility, used to like smoking weed etc). Then I realised two things. One was just how much he wanted kids and wanted them with me specifically, and if I wanted to continue being a part of his life I was going to have to give it serious consideration; and the other was that, now 33, my biological clock was starting to tick a little faster - so I would have to accept that if I didn't take the plunge soonish, I would genuinely probably never have biological kids, not due to the luxury of choice as it had always been, but due to my body's age.

A LOT of soul-searching followed, and I decided to go for it, even though I honestly wasn't sure it was right for me. I was told it was the wrong decision by various friends, that having children is a big mistake unless you are 100% certain that it's what you want - and while I see the merit in that argument (raising kids is tough!), I also knew that such certainty isn't a thing I typically feel about anything - at the best of times, I am someone who doubts myself, if I relied on feeling 'certain' about things, I would have done very little with my life. Nonetheless I was terrified. Of Pregnancy, of childbirth, of the massive responsibility of growing and raising a human being.

Anyway, fast forward nearly seven years. I have two daughters. They are the best decisions I ever made in my life, bar none, and (along with my husband) the very best people I know. Yes, I spend much of my time knackered, we're definitely not rich, and my gaming time is pretty minimal. And the pregnancy, childbirth and parenting thing can be hard as hell! But I don't have a nanosecond of regret, I'm happier than I've ever been. To the extent that when we were discussing whether or not to have a third baby, it was me that was pushing for the idea the most (I'm now 4 months pregnant). If I could do things over, I would do it earlier - I'll be a right old git (40) when I have this one (fingers crossed all goes well), and my body is definitely protesting in ways it didn't a few years back, despite my being in good physical shape.

Having kids isn't for everyone, it is an immensely personal decision - my sister is child-free, lives a fabulous lifestyle with her partner and is an amazing aunty - but for me? Yeah, Best Thing Ever ;)
 
I am single and need to work on bettering myself in certain aspects of life. With that said, as I grow older though I've exercised the idea of a family down the road pretty strongly. When I was younger I used to be vehemently against the idea.

Also, and I don't know if this is just a 'family culture' thing as a Latino, but I do want to give my parents grandkids even though I have never had that conversation with my parents.
 
I have already posted and love our now 6 year old daughter with all my heart.

I am adopted and for some reason, I really wanted my "bloodline/genes" to continue.

Now I can be eaten by wolverines and know my lineage will press on.
 
I have a 1,5 year old boy, which kind of just happened naturally since me and my SO been together for ages.

Best thing I've ever done. He's my best buddy and we do all sorts of stuff together. :)
 
Zero interest in having my own.

My cousins' kids are fun to watch though. It helps that they're relatively behaved.
 
A week from now I'll be married. Before I met my wife to be, I had pretty well settled on growing old alone, had more than just come to terms with it, I embraced it. I held onto that, kicking and screaming, pretty hard, for quite awhile. I dragged my feet about moving in together. I rolled my eyes everytime she mentioned engagement. It was the "if it's not broke, don't fix it," mentality.

In March, I sold my car. It had been sitting in our apartment parking lot for more than a year, not being driven. We used the money to purchase rings, planning to be engaged for awhile. I expected we'd be engaged for quite awhile. That seems like yesterday.

Despite all my protestations and dragging my feet and whatnot, I'm stoked beyond belief. I'm going to be a blubbering mess next week trying to get through my vows. I know I'm doing the right thing and I'm so lucky that she stuck with me and wants to continue doing so. The hesitation is gone.

I'll be 33 next month and she'll be 31 the month following. If we wanted kids, we'd have to start soon. But we don't.

I chose to work retail because I love it. I make enough to provide for us and feed the cats, but it's not a good career choice for someone who wants a family. Regardless of what company I work for, I wouldn't advance further than a store manager because (like 80% of) the customers are the reason I love retail. You go higher up and you lose that interaction.

Additionally, she's adopted, so we don't know her medical history. I don't think it's fair to bring a child into the world with unknown factors like that.

My father is a "bury your head in the sand," type of person and doesn't like to talk about his family medical history. Mental illness runs deep in his family. His mother had years of shock therapy, though I've never gotten a clear answer as to what was being treated. I've suffered horrible bouts of depression, which my mother also has a history of. If I brought someone into the world who had days even a tiny bit as dark as some of my "brightest" depressed days, I could never forgive myself. Those genes stop here.

I would make a pretty awesome dad. Maybe we'll adopt some later in life. We could get the ones that already know how to wipe their own butt. That would be awesome.

TL;DR I'm a selfish dude and I don't want to share my toys or my genes.
 
Not currently. I'm not beyond the idea of the right person changing my mind in the future (I'll be 24 in a few weeks), but my parents have been having kids as recently as 7 years ago, and my older brother made a nice niece a few years back. I'd probably feel differently otherwise.
 
ColdRose said:
I thought I didn't want kids. Spent my teens and the whole of my twenties, and my very early thirties, thinking 'nah, not for me'. Even after I met my (now) husband I was still not that keen on the idea (I love my games, shopping, partying, generally having a high disposable income and little responsibility, used to like smoking weed etc). Then I realised two things. One was just how much he wanted kids and wanted them with me specifically, and if I wanted to continue being a part of his life I was going to have to give it serious consideration; and the other was that, now 33, my biological clock was starting to tick a little faster - so I would have to accept that if I didn't take the plunge soonish, I would genuinely probably never have biological kids, not due to the luxury of choice as it had always been, but due to my body's age.

A LOT of soul-searching followed, and I decided to go for it, even though I honestly wasn't sure it was right for me. I was told it was the wrong decision by various friends, that having children is a big mistake unless you are 100% certain that it's what you want - and while I see the merit in that argument (raising kids is tough!), I also knew that such certainty isn't a thing I typically feel about anything - at the best of times, I am someone who doubts myself, if I relied on feeling 'certain' about things, I would have done very little with my life. Nonetheless I was terrified. Of Pregnancy, of childbirth, of the massive responsibility of growing and raising a human being.

Anyway, fast forward nearly seven years. I have two daughters. They are the best decisions I ever made in my life, bar none, and (along with my husband) the very best people I know. Yes, I spend much of my time knackered, we're definitely not rich, and my gaming time is pretty minimal. And the pregnancy, childbirth and parenting thing can be hard as hell! But I don't have a nanosecond of regret, I'm happier than I've ever been. To the extent that when we were discussing whether or not to have a third baby, it was me that was pushing for the idea the most (I'm now 4 months pregnant). If I could do things over, I would do it earlier - I'll be a right old git (40) when I have this one (fingers crossed all goes well), and my body is definitely protesting in ways it didn't a few years back, despite my being in good physical shape.

Having kids isn't for everyone, it is an immensely personal decision - my sister is child-free, lives a fabulous lifestyle with her partner and is an amazing aunty - but for me? Yeah, Best Thing Ever ;)
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Nice to hear you being happy with your husband. I hear so many women complain. About their friend / husband that i sometimes wonder why the hell they are with them. And some of these guys are just great guys. Sure, some i can understand.
Pregancy and giving birth were tough on my GF too. I remember being not just happy to finaly see my son but also being extremely happy that she was done and that she was (reasonably) fine. I was so proud of her. But i was also scared. Damn, it can be pretty rough. And the months after weren't exactly easy for her either. But she never complained and it's the best thing that ever happened to her. I didn't think i could have any more respect and love for her than i allready had.
Being a great girlfriend is one thing. Being a great mother is another thing completely. Happy to say she is both. It's like she became a Super Saiyan.
 
Maybe one day. I'm not currently interested in settling down. I'm more focused on establishing a career and financial security before I even consider something like that. Plus, I don't really feel like I have any thing I'd like to pass down at this point in my life. I'm 26.
 
We both always knew we wanted to have kids so it was easy to do so after we got married. Our girls are 14 and 11. Sure there have been bad moments but the good far outweigh the bad. It's nice to have someone to go skiing, biking, hiking, play tennis, watch a movie with. It's fun interacting with them and watch them develop into adults. Hopefully they'll have their own children one day and will help take care of us when were old just like were helping our parents.
 
Yes. Some time within the next 10 or 15 years, I want to adopt.

While desires can often waver, I know I couldn't stand looking back on my life and not knowing what kind of father I'd be. It'd all feel so empty knowing that I only lived my life for myself.
 
I am 32 years old now and still single. At this moment i just like the way it is. When time comes i will get kids but for now no.
 
It was always expected of me to start considering marriage and having kids right after finishing school. My mother had me at 22, and I'm 21 right now. So now that I'm a senior in college and away from family, it feels really weird that I'm not planning to have children until maybe 10 years from now. But then again, who knows what could happen. I just need some stability for sure before I start popping out any kids.

Ideally I'd just want two, but I could consider having a third. Four or more just sounds too much and I don't think I'd be able to handle it.
 
Had a pregnancy scare when I was 16. I was mentally girding myself for fatherhood. Since then, any desire to have children has left me. I'm 36 now, and want absolutely nothing to do with them. I'm poor and sleepless enough as it is. I'm very fortunate enough to have a long-time girlfriend who agrees.
 
I can't wait to be a father. I want 3. Hopefully either 2 boys and a girl or a boy and two girls but I want the boy to come first. I like the idea of my girls having an older brother who's gonna take care of em on any situation. My girlfriend wants 3 as well so we can't wait.

Maybe 5 to 6 years from now we'll try for kids. I'm 24.
 
29,expecting my 4th kid.

I don't know what to tell you, kids are awesome, but I know they come with a high probability of turning into teenagers, which sucks, but I've heard it's temporary.

IMO, don't over think it, kids are just that, little people that run in your house, that are designed to amaze and about the hell out of you, they will test your patience and every limit and law you set.

I've always heard old people saying they should have had more kids, but never people saying they should have had less. Think about that.
 
No, my wife and I don't want them. I'm 34, she's 33, and we're committed enough to this decision that I got snipped a few years ago.
 
To me the question isn't whether I want one or not, but rather whether I should.

I want a child, children maybe. You know, that little mini you that you get to call your own. The one person you get to shape from early on.

The problem is that I'm an asshole, hardly settled. No money saved, no stability whatsoever. I move a lot, I change jobs a lot, I sleep around and party a lot.

Could I have a child? of course, but it wouldn't be fair to him/her.
 
No thank you very much.

I already have very little money and children are highly expensive.

Also I am infertile but that don't change anything.

backslashbunny said:
I'm not sure about men, but I got $14,000 my last donation.

For guys, you jack off into a cup.

For girls, you inject yourself with shots, and then get a surgery for the extraction.
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14k ????
=O

Now I am even more sad that I don't have health eggs to donate =P
 
considering im looking at being a professional student, i have thought about this question a lot recently. ill likely not have a big enough income until i finish school, which is about 5 years away, so i cant really support a child like i would like to if i ever had one while i was still in school. im 23 now, so if i do meet someone and want to have kids, im sort of dependent that the other person to bring in a real income to raise the kid. id rather have at least one kid before im 30, so we'll see. the nice thing is that im college for awhile so as i get older the girls i date stay the same age ;) so that aspect of having kids shouldn't be an issue.
 
I like the idea of being a single parent in the future. Right now at 31, while my biological clock is acting up, my mind is set on getting through law school (I slacked through my 20's) and growing my business. Then there's the whole finding a sane woman thing (I tend to get it on with potentially crazy girls, a projection of myself, perhaps).

My dad passed away this year, and it's been tough, very tough. Mortality scares the heck out of my unborn kids.

I could definitely see myself adopting if I don't find 'the one'. At the same time, if I never become a parent I still hope to have a good life to live. Moneyyyy.
 
ColdRose said:
I thought I didn't want kids. Spent my teens and the whole of my twenties, and my very early thirties, thinking 'nah, not for me'. Even after I met my (now) husband I was still not that keen on the idea (I love my games, shopping, partying, generally having a high disposable income and little responsibility, used to like smoking weed etc). Then I realised two things. One was just how much he wanted kids and wanted them with me specifically, and if I wanted to continue being a part of his life I was going to have to give it serious consideration; and the other was that, now 33, my biological clock was starting to tick a little faster - so I would have to accept that if I didn't take the plunge soonish, I would genuinely probably never have biological kids, not due to the luxury of choice as it had always been, but due to my body's age.

A LOT of soul-searching followed, and I decided to go for it, even though I honestly wasn't sure it was right for me. I was told it was the wrong decision by various friends, that having children is a big mistake unless you are 100% certain that it's what you want - and while I see the merit in that argument (raising kids is tough!), I also knew that such certainty isn't a thing I typically feel about anything - at the best of times, I am someone who doubts myself, if I relied on feeling 'certain' about things, I would have done very little with my life. Nonetheless I was terrified. Of Pregnancy, of childbirth, of the massive responsibility of growing and raising a human being.

Anyway, fast forward nearly seven years. I have two daughters. They are the best decisions I ever made in my life, bar none, and (along with my husband) the very best people I know. Yes, I spend much of my time knackered, we're definitely not rich, and my gaming time is pretty minimal. And the pregnancy, childbirth and parenting thing can be hard as hell! But I don't have a nanosecond of regret, I'm happier than I've ever been. To the extent that when we were discussing whether or not to have a third baby, it was me that was pushing for the idea the most (I'm now 4 months pregnant). If I could do things over, I would do it earlier - I'll be a right old git (40) when I have this one (fingers crossed all goes well), and my body is definitely protesting in ways it didn't a few years back, despite my being in good physical shape.

Having kids isn't for everyone, it is an immensely personal decision - my sister is child-free, lives a fabulous lifestyle with her partner and is an amazing aunty - but for me? Yeah, Best Thing Ever ;)
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Don't stress it too much. My mother gave birth to me when she was 39.5 years old, and I'm certainly glad she did. :)
 
I never really wanted a kid, I'm thinking about it each time I see one and I ask myself if I'm normal not to want one or anything because it just seems so 'natural' that some of my friends have one (Going on my 26 next month).

Each time I see myself having a kid, I just see it as a financial crisis, tons of anxiety about raising it, and eventual ANOTHER and BIGGER financial crisis when the fictive girl I have the child with leaves me and gets child support, since long lasting couples are almost something that doesn't even exist today. I saw two of my uncles almost living in the streets because they both had two kids and got dumped by their respective wives, it was something to see them coming at my mom's place to cry about their new 'life' back then....

Each times I see babies or kids crying in the bus, the restaurants, throwing shit everywhere and being loud...it remind me how much it's really not my shtick. I question myself if I'm a heartless, selfish bastard too, or if it's just not 'me' to have one.

My mother told me she had me at 30, I felt like it was a nice limit so I settled it as my own 'limit' of decision. If I still don't want any in four year, I think I'll chop the canal to be absolutely clear minded about it.
 
My wife (then girlfriend) nearly broke up with me a few years into our relationship as she didn't ever want kids. Despite the fact I'd never talked to her about me wanting them. We were still in our early 20s at the time and I had no idea if I wanted kids, I certainly didn't want them then anyway. We talked a lot and decided to carry on with things as we were having fun, and whatever happens in the future happens.

Fast forward 5 years, we get engaged and talk about children. Decide we'll give marriage a couple of years and then think about kids.
Fast forward to the first evening of our honeymoon "the night after our wedding" my wife tells me she wants kids now and wants to start trying for a family.

Took me by surprise a bit!

Took ages to get pregnant though, then she miscarried, then she lost her job... that was a shitty few months for her.

Only then did I realise I really really wanted kids.
Luckily for us she got pregnant again and had no problems.

She's now our eldest of 3. I'd keep going and going (5 would be perfect for me) but wife doesn't want any more due to a variety of reasons.

I love being a dad. Despite it being really fucking hard at times it's easily the best thing that's ever happened to me. Yes, we're skint, yes we have no free time etc, but I wouldn't swap it for anything in the world.

My point? Never say never I guess.....
 
whitehawk said:
Yes. I look at my aunts and uncles who don't have kids, and compared to those that do, their life feels noticeably empty.
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I was going to try and be nice and whatever, but I say this sincerely

Go fuck yourself.

Have you talked to those aunts and uncles who don't have kids, do they think their lives are empty? Are they happy how they're living? Do they think they have a good life?

My gf and I talked about kids very soon into our relationship and decided against it. Are you willing to say to my face that my life is empty because I don't have kids? Because we love our life. I'm sorry, but people who have decided against it are sick and tired of everybody in our lives/society telling us "oh, you'll change your mind", "you don't really know what you want", "but your life will be so pointless!" and so on. We don't want your pity and snide sideways insults.

There are ways of phrasing things that don't insult people who have made a totally valid decision.
 
Wormdundee said:
I was going to try and be nice and whatever, but I say this sincerely

Go fuck yourself.

Have you talked to those aunts and uncles who don't have kids, do they think their lives are empty? Are they happy how they're living? Do they think they have a good life?

My gf and I talked about kids very soon into our relationship and decided against it. Are you willing to say to my face that my life is empty because I don't have kids? Because we love our life. I'm sorry, but people who have decided against it are sick and tired of everybody in our lives/society telling us "oh, you'll change your mind", "you don't really know what you want", "but your life will be so pointless!" and so on. We don't want your pity and snide sideways insults.

There are ways of phrasing things that don't insult people who have made a totally valid decision.
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This overreaction was completely uncalled for.
 
Wormdundee said:
I was going to try and be nice and whatever, but I say this sincerely

Go fuck yourself.

Have you talked to those aunts and uncles who don't have kids, do they think their lives are empty? Are they happy how they're living? Do they think they have a good life?

My gf and I talked about kids very soon into our relationship and decided against it. Are you willing to say to my face that my life is empty because I don't have kids? Because we love our life. I'm sorry, but people who have decided against it are sick and tired of everybody in our lives/society telling us "oh, you'll change your mind", "you don't really know what you want", "but your life will be so pointless!" and so on. We don't want your pity and snide sideways insults.

There are ways of phrasing things that don't insult people who have made a totally valid decision.
Click to expand...

If you are having kids just to feel like life isn't pointless you are doing it wrong anyway. It's just as pointless after you have kids as it was before.
 
I would love to have a child someday. I'm not positive about a lot of things in life, but I know I'd make an excellent father. Unfortunately I doubt it will happen.
 
Most definitely, but only when I'm ready. For some reason I've already decided the most optimal order: Girl, then boy, then girl. Middle kid will still get attention for being the only boy(I'd give them all attention no matter what but this guarantees it).

I know I can't settle down with anyone that doesn't want kids, I don't feel like my life would be complete without having them(not saying everyone needs to have one, but I do). Also I don't only want one kid, 2 at the very least, 4 at the very most. I'd prefer it if the oldest and the youngest weren't more than 5 years apart, but that's something I'll worry about when it comes up.
 
Eventually, pretty scared of being a dad though. Grew up in a single mother household save for a few years with a tit as a step father so my frame of reference isn't great.
 
Wormdundee said:
I was going to try and be nice and whatever, but I say this sincerely

Go fuck yourself.

Have you talked to those aunts and uncles who don't have kids, do they think their lives are empty? Are they happy how they're living? Do they think they have a good life?

My gf and I talked about kids very soon into our relationship and decided against it. Are you willing to say to my face that my life is empty because I don't have kids? Because we love our life. I'm sorry, but people who have decided against it are sick and tired of everybody in our lives/society telling us "oh, you'll change your mind", "you don't really know what you want", "but your life will be so pointless!" and so on. We don't want your pity and snide sideways insults.

There are ways of phrasing things that don't insult people who have made a totally valid decision.
Click to expand...

Calm down a little.

It's weird, I can't imagine how my life would be if I didn't have kids. Kids take up so much of your time and you do wonder what the fuck you'd do to fill that time.
And then you think you'd do the same as you used to do before kids, then you think you're glad that you've moved passed that stage in your life.
But of course, in reality, you'd find new things to do, you just can't imagine that at the moment.

Then there is the question of maturity... most people I know went though a stage in college of saying "I'm never having kids" and most of them have now got kids.
But again, there are loads of people who keep that opinion later on in life, but you're mind always goes back to people being "cool" when they were younger.
 
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