Do you want kids? (Parents: how did you decide to have kids?)

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Got married at 30. Wanted kids but not right away. Her too.

got married-traveled- established careers- bought a house-talked some more- decided it was time- was fortunate to have an amazing baby girl- now 6.

I would very strongly suggest if kids are in anyone's future- be sure you and your significant other agree. I have seen it rune friends marriages.
 
I'm 34, and on the childfree side. Luckily, my wife (31) feels the same way, and in our ten years together it's never been something we've wanted. I'm sure we could've been fine parents, but it's not for us. For my part, it's because I'd hate the constant worry kids would bring. I get nervous just seeing kids playing on the sidewalk, since I'm always sure they're about to suddenly get hit by a car or something; I imagine if it was one of my own, it'd be a constant sense of unease.

On top of that, my wife and I both like peace and quiet. I don't think that's possible with kids.

Oh, and I got a vasectomy, so it's definitely not happening.
 
Nope, never. 44. Last who can carry on the family name. Sorry folks, my peace of mind is more important.

As I watch a distressingly large percentage of my close friends either get divorced or drown in awful marriages, I'm pretty confident I made the right decision.
 
Dead Man said:
Definitely want kids, but at 38 I think I missed my window. My parents died when I was in my late teens from illness, I don't want to drop off from old age when my kids are in their teens.
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One of my employees just had his first at 45. 65 when your kid is 20 isn't all that bad.
 
I'm 36 now; went from fairly certain I didn't want kids up until about 28 briefly considered it.

Fell back to not wanting kids.

It's more than just not "wanting" them. I don't have a great support structure and sometimes have anger issues and other problems I just wouldn't want to expose children to.
 
Nope, never. When I have the money, I'm getting a tubal ligation so I won't ever have to worry about it.

If by some odd chance I end up wanting them later in life I can adopt.
 
H.Protagonist said:
I worked with a girl who did that pretty often. It's not an option for me, but it sounded like a good deal based on the compensation. Until I heard about the needles, anyway. *_*
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Do you have any idea how much the compensation is for an egg compared to a sperm?
I've heard of sperm donation, but I've never been contacted for a donation amazingly.
 
Bulbo Urethral Baggins said:
Do you have any idea how much the compensation is for an egg compared to a sperm?
I've heard of sperm donation, but I've never been contacted for a donation amazingly.
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I don't know if they pay based on demand or certain characteristics (she was tall, runway model thin, fair-looking, white, some college, etc.), but she said she got $10,000 per 'batch'.

For sperm donations, I can't imagine guys would more than $100. Before anyone calls foul, though, getting eggs is a lot more intensive, intrusive, and painful from what I understand. She talked about strict regimes she'd have to be on, injecting herself with needles on a regular basis for the lead up to the procedure, the harvesting process, etc. So, no idea how many might be in a batch, but it seems to be quite the process and sounds really icky. If you add that to the finite (I've seen research on both ends, but more on the limited side) nature of the goods, then I can see why they'd be so highly compensated.
 
Not really. Only if the (future) wife really pushes for it, and she probably will (Korea).
However I would prefer to adopt.
 
Not until I manage to complete my studies and pay off my student debts, which probably means never at this point in time. The less thing I need right now and in the considerable future is more expenses.

I'm 25 and It kinda blows my mind that my parents had me at my current age.
 
When I was a little girl, I thought that getting pregnant was the WORST thing that could happen to someone. I literally had nightmares about it as child (I didn't understand how one became pregnant, so it was a complete horrifying mystery). As a teenager, I was convinced I was going to be a nomad who travelled the world and that I wouldn't get caught up in something so mundane as getting married and having kids. Through my 20's, I thought, "eh, it's for some people, but no thanks." Then, I hit 30 this year and BAM.

MAYBE KIDS COULD BE AWESOME THOUGH?!?!

It turns out I am not a special snowflake. Instead I'm that cliché that everyone knows and talks about. The truth is though, I was blessed with an amazing family growing up. Then I was double-blessed with an amazing husband. Now that I've gotten a little older, I've realized that we could have a really great experience having children. Re-experiencing things we know and love with a child? Teaching them things? It's starting to sound legitimately and genuinely enticing (so much so that sleepless nights and tantrums don't seem so bad anymore). Thankfully, my husband seems to be following the same path, so at least we're clichés together.
 
Nah. Both in our mid thirties, and we both love our freedom.

Our life is pretty awesome compared to other couples, in a large part thanks to not having kids.
 
I used to have vivid dreams about being a father that would jump through different parts of my kid's life. Got to the point where waking up from them was kind of emotional because it all felt super real. I can't wait.
 
If we're in a good place during marriage, I hope we'll have kids.

Otherwise, I don't want to bring them into a world where I'm not sure if I could financially or emotionally support them. I don't want to put my children in the same position that my parents put all four of us in.
 
We got married, bought a house and had a kid :). He is now 4.

Obviously there have been ups and downs, lack of sleep, lack of money, lack of time to do whatever the hell you want. But I wouldn't trade my kiddo for the world.
 
backslashbunny said:
Not sure. I don't donate sperm :x.



I'm not sure about men, but I got $14,000 my last donation.

For guys, you jack off into a cup.

For girls, you inject yourself with shots, and then get a surgery for the extraction.




Anyhow, egg donation is the reason I tell couples that want children, to have children when they are YOUNG and able. Earlier than 30s is better, honestly.

Even though technology these days allows for 45 year old women to still have children, IVF sucks. Also, the older you get, the less likely your body responds to drugs. I am young and healthy, and they get around 30 eggs. When you're in your 40s, the number can be 8. Not all of them are ready or big enough to be used... so a lot of times, you'll have to fall back on an egg donor.

Egg donors are EXPENSIVE. Besides the compensation for one, you also need to factor in the cost of the medication, the appointments, the operations, the freezing, etc, etc, etc... and then the cost of everything on your end as well.

IVF is expensive.

Surrogates are expensive.

Your uterus lining has to be thick enough to be able to nurture and grow a life. That gets harder as you age.





Yeah, having babies is just all sorts of things to consider. Have them as early as you can possibly have them, seriously.
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$14,000? Wow. And I thought $10k was good. That was back in 2008, though, so maybe it's gone up a bit.

As for having kids when you're young, it's terribly unfair (though I know nothing can really be done about it yet) for women if you want to live and explore and have a career AND eventually have a family. By the time I felt satisfied with my travel/work/accomplishments I was already 29 and my long term boyfriend at the time finally gave me a straight answer on kids: No.

After ending that relationship I did find someone worth going all in on and he's keen for kids too, but now I'm 33 and I confess, a bit worried about it all. Would that we were gold till 40 and lived on average to 100. I suppose everything would just shift again if that were the case, though.
 
That first moment your kid opens his eyes and you stare into a little human being and he stares right back at you..love at first sight.

It's all worth it.
 
Azuran said:
I'm 25 and It kinda blows my mind that my parents had me at my current age.
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When my mom was my age (31), I was 12. That just blows my mind, can't wrap my head around it.

I definitely don't want kids, and I feel like I'm at the age now where I can be confident that I never will, I've got that figured out. I've got way too much other shit to deal with anyway.
 
I'm 29 have a 2 year old boy and 2 moth girl. As few as 5 - 10 years ago I swore I would never have kids but my wife talked me into it and I'm glad she did. My kids are the joy of my life I couldn't imagine life without them.

I will admit they are very hard though especially having two so close in age. I think one is manageable for almost anyone with a level head.
 
maxcriden said:
Couple more questions for Parent-Age--

when your kid(s) act out, does it frustrate you or are you able to kind of just laugh at it in a loving way?
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Wi have one child (18 month old boy) with another on the way (we let everyone know boy or girl this afternoon). And I have to say that it is an incredible experience. I am 29 almost 30, and my wife and I got married three years ago.

Now to answer your question: my 18 month old has discovered throwing things and doing tasks. So we can ask him to do something (help clean up stuffed animals, throw away a piece of trash, come to get changed, etc), but there is nothing more frustrating than him deliberately not listening when doing a misbehaving action. He can misbehave and be cute, but you can't reinforce the behavior or else your child will do it all the time.
 
I think an interesting quality in humans is the ability to dodge/suppress/ignore the biological imperative. I wonder how often it happens in the rest of the animal kingdom.

Also an anecdotal observation but I hardly notice people saying on the internet (the den of extreme opinions) that they regret having kids. Almost universally I hear people switching from childfree opinions to saying they cant imagine life without them.

Feels like its worth to me. Just need consenting lifetime partner.
 
umop_3pisdn said:
I suppose on an obvious level people are missing out on a particular set of experiences that are supposed to be powerful, but there are probably sages living in the mountains breathing rarefied air and having way more powerful experiences than any of us. There are lots of ways of living satisfied lives and all of them demand of us some kind of sacrifice in that we don't have enough time in life to do it all. What annoys me is mostly the belief that starting a family is the only way to find fulfillment that's worth anything, because that's what they and everyone else they know are doing.
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Nah, everyone should be capable of having a completly fulfilling life without kids. And to have kids to try and achieve that will not work in the long run i think (to fill a void in yourself). But if you like kids, and you like family life, and even if you don't like both, kids can enrich your personal life beyond you could ever imagine beforehand.

But yes, there are other experiences that can be profound and that can enrich you as a person beyond what you could have ever thought.
Think of those guys who went to the moon for example. Their mission was the moon. They were focused on the moon. There was nothing other on their mind than reaching the moon. The something happened that changed them forever. They looked back at earth.
 
No. I'm kind of fucked up and I know it. I could be a decent father but I don't want the responsibility. On top of that I don't want to bring someone into the world just because it's what's expected or because my parents want grand kids.

The world headed down the shitter at an exponential rate anyways.
 
I really want to have some kids eventually but I've got a long time before I need to worry about it. That said, I'll probably try to avoid 3, middle child syndrome really is a thing!
I am that middle child lol
 
I can understand people don't *want* kids.

But, out of curiosity, what makes people believe they cant' be good parents?

And anyway, I don't think that the fact of just "wanting kids" make automatically people good parents.
 
I have a 15 month old, and I LOVE being a father! I was on the fence before, as I was always worried about the "what if'" scenarios, but I was over thinking it.

My wife and I are in a good financial position to do so (Though we waited till we were in this position), because good lord kids are EXPENSIVE! I'd actually like a second in a few years, once we buy our "forever" home.
 
Azuran said:
Not until I manage to complete my studies and pay off my student debts, which probably means never at this point in time. The less thing I need right now and in the considerable future is more expenses.

I'm 25 and It kinda blows my mind that my parents had me at my current age.
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Always wanna ask, is that you and your cute little doggie in your avatar?
 
Never. My ex gf tried to strong arm me with the "if you don't have kids with me then we are finished." got rid of her and got a cat instead.

Don't need the headache. Don't need the financial drain. Love my freedom.

Am fine with a pre-nup marriage but no kids.
 
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