Do you want kids? (Parents: how did you decide to have kids?)
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John Kowalski
Banned
I think i would like to adopt some day.
I'm still not one hundred percent sure. I am getting married on Sunday and we've talked about kids off and on, but I feel it would be selfish to have a kid without being financially secure. I guess there is no true security but I would want my kid(s) to have the best life possible without forcing me to work two jobs. I don't deal well with extreme stress. I enjoy spending free time working on photography, stories and other creative outlets. I also enjoy meditating and finding some sort of solitude. I guess we will think more on the child situation next year. I am almost 32.
Winterfang
Banned
Of course, I have to contribute to society in some way.
Sikamikanico
#1 Dad
Becoming a father was the single most amazing experience of my life.
The night he was born (after a gruelling 30 hours of watching my partner go through hell) I finally had seen them off to the ward (they had to stay in hospital for a while as he was early by 4 days) to get some sleep. My best friend offered to come pick me up. It was 1am. I told him I needed the walk.
I cried the entire way home. Completely overwhelmed, but it was a good, happy, exhausted kind of cry that I needed to get out of my system.
Holding him for the first time, and watching him grow and change over the last 5 months has been amazing.
Yes, it's tiring, and time-consuming, and I can barely game at all of late. But it's worth every minute.
For example, took him swimming on Sunday. Took him into the pool, without realising I had my brand new Lumia 930 in my pocket. Phone was fucked. I was furious...but when he hit the water he started laughing and I didn't really give a shit anymore. Phone's insured. My son is precious.
The night he was born (after a gruelling 30 hours of watching my partner go through hell) I finally had seen them off to the ward (they had to stay in hospital for a while as he was early by 4 days) to get some sleep. My best friend offered to come pick me up. It was 1am. I told him I needed the walk.
I cried the entire way home. Completely overwhelmed, but it was a good, happy, exhausted kind of cry that I needed to get out of my system.
Holding him for the first time, and watching him grow and change over the last 5 months has been amazing.
Yes, it's tiring, and time-consuming, and I can barely game at all of late. But it's worth every minute.
For example, took him swimming on Sunday. Took him into the pool, without realising I had my brand new Lumia 930 in my pocket. Phone was fucked. I was furious...but when he hit the water he started laughing and I didn't really give a shit anymore. Phone's insured. My son is precious.
TheFightingFish
Member
Having kids was an easy choice for my wife and I. Lots of factors involved there. We both met and married young (at 21) and both were very involved in volunteering with kids. For the years of marriage before we started having kids (at 24) we volunteered together after work in the recovery ward of a children's hospital. We liked being around kids all the time, even before we had them. My wife had some possible biological issues with having kids so we had that as a push to get started young and have our kids early while still at the peak age for that.
We probably would have had three or four, but with the biological issues above we just have two wonderful kids. I love 'em and we feel "complete" as a family. As mentioned above we both had pretty strong family instincts and took to responsibility rather young so starting a family felt like starting life as it should be. We were also never both crazy travel or party folks before kids, so we didn't have to make these sacrifices of fun and freedom. Our kids just come along to do all the stuff we love with us. They camp, rock climb, hang out with neighbors, read like maniacs, swim in the lake all summer, have impromptu Jackson 5 dance parties in the kitchen, and are just great to be around in general.
We've actually considered adopting to add another kid or two, but right now we actually just love being involved in the lives of other kids in our community in addition to our own kids and not having to go through the baby / early toddler stage again (which does kinda keep you at home a bit more). I still volunteer at a before school program for underprivileged kids and my wife is always helping out some of the younger moms that we know with their kids (since we had ours early we are the "old couple" with regards to kids, even if many of our friend our old than us).
We probably would have had three or four, but with the biological issues above we just have two wonderful kids. I love 'em and we feel "complete" as a family. As mentioned above we both had pretty strong family instincts and took to responsibility rather young so starting a family felt like starting life as it should be. We were also never both crazy travel or party folks before kids, so we didn't have to make these sacrifices of fun and freedom. Our kids just come along to do all the stuff we love with us. They camp, rock climb, hang out with neighbors, read like maniacs, swim in the lake all summer, have impromptu Jackson 5 dance parties in the kitchen, and are just great to be around in general.
We've actually considered adopting to add another kid or two, but right now we actually just love being involved in the lives of other kids in our community in addition to our own kids and not having to go through the baby / early toddler stage again (which does kinda keep you at home a bit more). I still volunteer at a before school program for underprivileged kids and my wife is always helping out some of the younger moms that we know with their kids (since we had ours early we are the "old couple" with regards to kids, even if many of our friend our old than us).
I've always wanted kids but have held off to enjoy my freedom and never felt quite ready. I basically hit a point where I was so bored with life and felt like everything there was to accomplish with just me and my wife had been accomplished. So I knocked her up and now my son has the gift of life due to my boredom.
umop_3pisdn
Member
I think I'd like being a parent, but I want other things more.
PflargBlarg
Member
Both 26, both don't want kids. It's going to be sweet living the DINK life. I'm already looking forward to it so much.
Bulbo plays a character on these forums. I don't know how close his character is to reality but I wouldn't read into it too much.
Seven kids?! What kind of Republican are you, exactly?
Bulbo plays a character on these forums. I don't know how close his character is to reality but I wouldn't read into it too much.
No way. It takes too much time, money, and effort to raise them properly. Heck, even if you had all of those resources you would still run the very real possibility of them ending up being shitty people.
So far, I've had three parents (middle class background, live in a decent neighborhood, etc.) all but confess to me that if they had do it again they wouldn't. They clearly love their kids -- probably due to all the time & energy they invested in them, but it's clear they harbor some serious regrets.
There are a hundred other options for parents with infertility options outside of adoption. People trying to have kids now are lucky because science has done wonders to give options to families who could never of had kids just 10 years ago.
TheBaldEmperor
Member
I never wanted kids. Never wanted to be around children. Had never held a baby in my life. In March, my wife and I had our son and I love him so much I can't believe it. I had no idea what it would be like. He is amazing. I knew he would be a lot of work. I'm tired all the time, but he is an absolute joy.
Bulbo Urethral Baggins
Banned
I have to admit I'm a little confused. I take it you put your two kids up for adoption?
H.Protagonist
[-_-]/
My husband and I both want kids, and we'll probably start really trying for it after Christmas.
Ideally we'd like at least two, but we'll see if one works out first.
I was pretty anti-kids up until 26 or so, but I feel a lot differently about them these days and about what I want for my future. I've done everything I ever wanted in my life (traveled the world, dream jobs, life goals) and now I'm ready for the next big adventure.
I believe she sells her eggs. Correct me if I'm wrong, bunny.
Ideally we'd like at least two, but we'll see if one works out first.
I was pretty anti-kids up until 26 or so, but I feel a lot differently about them these days and about what I want for my future. I've done everything I ever wanted in my life (traveled the world, dream jobs, life goals) and now I'm ready for the next big adventure.
I believe she sells her eggs. Correct me if I'm wrong, bunny.
I have a seven year old daughter. I think she's the only one I'm having. Me and the ex decided to have her because she already had two other daughters and she thought I felt "left out" and so we decided to have a kid.
The only way I'll have another is if I'm in a pretty good relationship that I think will stand up to the hardest days. I know you can't guarantee we wouldn't break up....but I think you can know when you're there for the long haul.
I don't want my next kid growing up having mommy n daddy in separate houses.
On that note...I have to surprise my kid in school next week. She likes being i trouble waaay too much. Parenthood!!
The only way I'll have another is if I'm in a pretty good relationship that I think will stand up to the hardest days. I know you can't guarantee we wouldn't break up....but I think you can know when you're there for the long haul.
I don't want my next kid growing up having mommy n daddy in separate houses.
On that note...I have to surprise my kid in school next week. She likes being i trouble waaay too much. Parenthood!!
SniperHunter
Banned
I am 30 and I want kids
but I have no experience with women and I still don't have a career yet (working on it). Realistically, i don't think I will get a chance, I fucked up in my 20's due to anxiety and parental pressure
but I have no experience with women and I still don't have a career yet (working on it). Realistically, i don't think I will get a chance, I fucked up in my 20's due to anxiety and parental pressure
Arkos
Nose how to spell and rede to
This sentiment may have been voiced already, but I'll throw in my two cents. I don't want kids because a) they're a pain in the ass and I don't want to waste 20+ years of my life on somebody that could potentially be a dickhead, b) overpopulation (although unfortunately it's kind of an Idiocracy scenario when it comes to this), and probably most importantly c) I have problems like anxiety and stuff and I didn't have the best parents and I wouldn't trust myself to be a good parent, and I don't want to pass my genetic or social flaws on to anybody else. Sad but true, and I think it's the right call.
Does anybody mentor? That's what I'm really interested in. I like kids and want to work with them, I'm actually really good with them, I just don't trust myself with one of my own 24/7 lol.
Does anybody mentor? That's what I'm really interested in. I like kids and want to work with them, I'm actually really good with them, I just don't trust myself with one of my own 24/7 lol.
FUBAR McDangles
Member
Hell yes. My gf and I both want four and we have gone so far as to choose names. She wants them now, I want to wait a year or two longer, but sooner or later it is going to happen and honestly I can't wait. Just want to figure out financials a bit better.
34, 6 month old daughter. She wasn't really planned, but we weren't taking precautions on the day the missus caught because fuck it why not.
Becoming a father has changed me in the most wonderful ways. I'm astonished at how much I will readily give up to ensure that my daughter has the best possible upbringing that I can offer her. She's the reason I draw breath yet she didn't even exist last year. Becoming parents has brought me and the missus closer than I thought possible, it's as if we've been completed by a piece we weren't even missing. Watching kiddo learn and develop has been absolutely overwhelming and I feel a bit silly about the fact that the smallest milestone feels like the most important thing in the world. I could literally gush for pages about how fulfilling and exciting fatherhood is and just how deep the feeling is when she turns her little head, meets my gaze, and breaks out in a huge smile. There's just nothing like it that I've ever experienced before. Recognising my own facial features or the missus' mannerisms just drives home that the little person in front of me is mine, all mine. She's the best part of me.
It's not always easy looking after a baby, and at six months I know I've barely scratched the surface of the horrors to come. It's worth every single moment though. As I lay here typing this post I've moved her into our bed because she's not feeling too great and the little cherub is trying to burrow into my arm / chest to make herself comfortable. I just can't articulate how it makes me feel to be the guy that she can always depend on. It's the thing I'm best at and the thing I want to do best. Whatever kiddo faces in life, she'll always know that dad is there for her.
I need to stop typing because once the parental pride floodgates open the fuckers don't close until someone begs me to shut the fuck up. Suffice to say that having a child is monu-fucking-mental.
Edit: one negative I will say is that I'm now acutely aware of my mortality and the fact that one day, I'll leave the wife and kids all alone. I feel like such a fool for smoking so heavily for so long. That's time I didn't care about losing until now and the day I'm diagnosed with cancer will be absolutely unbearable.
Becoming a father has changed me in the most wonderful ways. I'm astonished at how much I will readily give up to ensure that my daughter has the best possible upbringing that I can offer her. She's the reason I draw breath yet she didn't even exist last year. Becoming parents has brought me and the missus closer than I thought possible, it's as if we've been completed by a piece we weren't even missing. Watching kiddo learn and develop has been absolutely overwhelming and I feel a bit silly about the fact that the smallest milestone feels like the most important thing in the world. I could literally gush for pages about how fulfilling and exciting fatherhood is and just how deep the feeling is when she turns her little head, meets my gaze, and breaks out in a huge smile. There's just nothing like it that I've ever experienced before. Recognising my own facial features or the missus' mannerisms just drives home that the little person in front of me is mine, all mine. She's the best part of me.
It's not always easy looking after a baby, and at six months I know I've barely scratched the surface of the horrors to come. It's worth every single moment though. As I lay here typing this post I've moved her into our bed because she's not feeling too great and the little cherub is trying to burrow into my arm / chest to make herself comfortable. I just can't articulate how it makes me feel to be the guy that she can always depend on. It's the thing I'm best at and the thing I want to do best. Whatever kiddo faces in life, she'll always know that dad is there for her.
I need to stop typing because once the parental pride floodgates open the fuckers don't close until someone begs me to shut the fuck up. Suffice to say that having a child is monu-fucking-mental.
Edit: one negative I will say is that I'm now acutely aware of my mortality and the fact that one day, I'll leave the wife and kids all alone. I feel like such a fool for smoking so heavily for so long. That's time I didn't care about losing until now and the day I'm diagnosed with cancer will be absolutely unbearable.
H.Protagonist
[-_-]/
Haha. That's really sweet to read. It's a sentiment I hear from many guys after they've had kids, but most seem strongly against even the possibility of having any these days.
And, c'mon, you know you want to show us a picture. 
PS3GamerKyle
Member
21 year old speaking here, and there's noway I could see myself wanting kids in 4 years, by the time I am 25.
Maybe a bit later, but I have a lot of things I want to accomplish. Things that, with kids, are damn near impossible to achieve.
youngplaya21
Member
Definitely looking forward to it. Luckily me and my gf want like 2-3 kids, because just one is lonely, and anymore then that is a clusterfuck
Bulbo Urethral Baggins
Banned
Wow. Your post just brought me back (my kids are growing up). I can relate to everything you say.
"She's the reason I draw breath yet she didn't even exist last year."
So damn true and I would bet you could say that same thing even after ONE day with her. That old cliche "your life will change" suddenly has meaning, doesn't it?
I really didn't want kids because at the time I was depressed, starting a business and didn't think it was the right time. My wife had other ideas and just stopped taking contraceptives(and told me about it). Basically the fact she wanted kids so badly, with me, swayed me, and was a huge turning point in my life as well.
Bulbo Urethral Baggins
Banned
Please give one example of how a newborn baby can hold you back enough that you'd want to neglect it?
In NYC raising a middle class child will cost you 500k.
Bulbo Urethral Baggins
Banned
Do they really tell you when one of your eggs has been used?
My wife and I had no great desire to have kids but weren't totally against the idea either. Asked around like you are and got the answer "you don't know what it's like until you have them" and kind of decided to give it a shot based on that. Stupid, I know, but best decision we've ever made. I love my kid so much.
umop_3pisdn
Member
I suppose on an obvious level people are missing out on a particular set of experiences that are supposed to be powerful, but there are probably sages living in the mountains breathing rarefied air and having way more powerful experiences than any of us. There are lots of ways of living satisfied lives and all of them demand of us some kind of sacrifice in that we don't have enough time in life to do it all. What annoys me is mostly the belief that starting a family is the only way to find fulfillment that's worth anything, because that's what they and everyone else they know are doing.
not intended to mean anything negative - nothing unfair about it, there's tons of things in life that many people don't get to experience; that's life.
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