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[DaiHard]

Some choice excerpts from the article...

Contemporary rituals are great, too: I went to a beautiful women’s forest gathering in Northern California—we did a jade egg ceremony out under the redwoods—it was amazing.

And, this is a weird one, but I sometimes feel people are more attracted to you when you’re carrying a jade egg—my 20-year-old daughter was joking about it one day, we were walking down the street and she was like, “Mom, are you wearing a jade egg?!”

Always wrap the egg in silk, keep it clean, and store it on an altar—it should take a sacred place in your life.

 

[Zasa]

Holy shit

 

[Messofanego]

Some choice excerpts from the article...

Contemporary rituals are great, too: I went to a beautiful women’s forest gathering in Northern California—we did a jade egg ceremony out under the redwoods—it was amazing.

And, this is a weird one, but I sometimes feel people are more attracted to you when you’re carrying a jade egg—my 20-year-old daughter was joking about it one day, we were walking down the street and she was like, “Mom, are you wearing a jade egg?!”

Always wrap the egg in silk, keep it clean, and store it on an altar—it should take a sacred place in your life.

Wait, are they stuffing jade eggs in their vajayjays in the forest? People know if you've stuffed one down there and think you're more attractive? Once you're done with it, you clean it up and put it on the altar?

 

[Matrix XII]

Huh. I didn't know Gwyneth Paltrow was crazy. Good to know!

Exact same reaction I had lol

 

[Trojita]

Huh. I didn't know Gwyneth Paltrow was crazy. Good to know!

Exact same reaction I had lol

She named her kid Apple.

 

[Conor_Fool]

But would that summon a 1/1 Jade Golem?

 

[Breads]

So she is like Alex Jones level of crazy bullshit peddler, right?

 

[Steeped in a Sea of Games]

Jade rods, duh.

As someone who's had a large camera shoved up his penis for medical tests, I can easily say no thanks.

 

[Extra Sauce]

This post deserves more recognition.

 

[snickothemule]

So she is like Alex Jones level of crazy bullshit peddler, right?

She's on a whole new level, the type of level where she believes that you can hurt water's feelings and affect its physical properties.

Ramming eggs up your hoo-ha is pretty tame for her.

 

[Double D]

I'm just imagining this as a Cinco product. 'Low female energy? Cram a jade egg up your yoni!'

 

[Messofanego]

She's on a whole new level, the type of level where she believes that you can hurt water's feelings and affect its physical properties.

Ramming eggs up your hoo-ha is pretty tame for her.

 

[MetalGearZed]

This is some post of the month/year material right here

 

[old manatee]

Shrug. I carry a cannonball about in my butthole.

 

[Trojita]

Don't put all your eggs in one vagina.

 

[Sesuadra]

As someone who's had a large camera shoved up his penis for medical tests, I can easily say no thanks.

soooo..it did not help with your male energy? did it not make you more attractive?


damn.

 

[HelloNewman]

Guys relax ancient Chinese emperors used these on their concubines they got them from Canada or Australia so you know it's legit.

 

[Kaizer]

God-tier post right here LMAO

 

[BigDes]

Don't put all your eggs in one vagina.

Don't tell me what to do!

 

[norm9]

Sounds like it's a metaphorical egg you stuff in your guts, like confidence or the nonsense from The Secret, and not a real egg.

 

[Sesuadra]

Sounds like it's a metaphorical egg you stuff in your guts, like confidence or the nonsense from The Secret, and not a real egg.

holy shit. great idea! "the mental jade egg - buy this instruction today, how to create your own metaphysical egg every day anew and how to stuff it inside you. for only 19,99$"

 

[vio]

"Look, I can pretend to play guitar!"

Pretending is what she does for her living. That and being snake`s oil saleswoman in free time.

 

[Magni]

Can someone explain the canoe pic to me? I'd never heard of this idiot until this thread.

 

[Kthulhu]

http://goop.com/ask-jean-do-i-need-to-detox-my-shower/

I just can't.....

Then I saw the price of the showerhead they were trying to sell.

$275

For a showerhead

A chrome showerhead

That you have to install yourself

 

[norm9]

Can someone explain the canoe pic to me? I'd never heard of this idiot until this thread.

Gwyneth Paltrow, when she's not stuffing eggs in her cooch, is a hollywood actress most famous for playing white chicks and playing a fat chick in the movie Shallow Hal. The pic is from Shallow Hal, where beau Jack Black has been hypnotized into seeing inner beauty so her fatness is seen through. The pic is a funny snapshot of her possible real life if she had stuffed an egg inside her with the snapshot from the film. And the egg weighs her down, hence the canoe's precarious position.

 

[Conciliator]

whatcha bet she's getting a little kickback on those egg sales

 

[akira28]

Wait, are they stuffing jade eggs in their vajayjays in the forest? People know if you've stuffed one down there and think you're more attractive? Once you're done with it, you clean it up and put it on the altar?

And people make fun of people who follow Jesus

Can someone explain the canoe pic to me? I'd never heard of this idiot until this thread.

she's got about 100kgs of jade and quartzite hiding in her womanly nether zone.

 

[Jeffolation]

You'd have to have sex first so you should be fine.

I came to make a joke, I leave with egg of some sort on my face.

 

[Steeped in a Sea of Games]

soooo..it did not help with your male energy? did it not make you more attractive?


damn.

It did REALLY sting to pee for a couple days. I don't think whimpering counts as a release of male energy.

 

[Jake.]

paltrow has always been human trash.

 

[More Fun To Compute]

So she is like Alex Jones level of crazy bullshit peddler, right?

Suppose it depends if you think that dietary supplements are crazier than putting rocks inside your genitals instead of exercising.

 

[cyberheater]

"Look, I can pretend to play guitar!"

Looks like a standard G major chord to me. She can probably play.

 

[neorej]

Just put a silicone egg up there ladies. Same effect, much more hygenic.

 

[TheSpoiler]

Some choice excerpts from the article...

Feel more attracted? And mentions her daughter? Like what!?!

 

[Amalthea]

Next trend coming soon: Put eggs and flour up your asshole to shit pancakes!

 

[Einchy]

I wonder if she's into buttplugs, too.

 

[King Tubby]

For better one-ness with the world smash some amethyst into your taint

 

[neorej]

I wonder if she's into buttplugs, too.

Yes, but only made from Onyx.

 

[magnetic]

Saying "jade eggs for your yoni" is fun. Great name for a debut album.

“Fans say regular use increases chi, orgasms, vaginal muscle tone, hormonal balance, and feminine energy in general,” the post continues.

I wonder if it also has antioxidants, microbeads, emulsifiers and nanobots.

 

[Beefy]

She was on a UK morning show, talking about copper pillow cases that help you sleep for £50 a case.

 

[entremet]

lol @ GAF learning about Paltrow's wackiness now. She's been like this for a while.

 

[ManDudeChild]

Next trend coming soon: Put eggs and flour up your asshole to shit pancakes!

Don't forget the milk. Also, a straw would help as pushing it through a straw would help mix it together.

.... I put more thought into this than perhaps needed.

She was on a UK morning show, talking about copper pillow cases that help you sleep for £50 a case.

At least with the pillow cases (depending on how much copper is in them), the cases would appreciate in value.

 

[Messofanego]

whatcha bet she's getting a little kickback on those egg sales

Absolutely, she's making bank on the gullibleness of others through affiliates.

 

[Deft Beck]

It's fucking scary.

Not even remotely the same demographic.

 

[capitalCORN]

Didn't she try to hawk a $3000+ gold plated vibrator?

 

[Beren the Empty-Handed]

Contemporary rituals are great, too: I went to a beautiful women’s forest gathering in Northern California—we did a jade egg ceremony out under the redwoods—it was amazing.

Wait, does this mean her and a bunch of women all shoved jade eggs into their vaginas together? Like, in a circle? Is that what this means?

 

[neorej]

Wait, does this mean her and a bunch of women all shoved jade eggs into their vaginas together? Like, in a circle? Is that what this means?

Yes.

 

[patapuf]

Some choice excerpts from the article...

I really have to stop reading this thread at work.

 

[Always-honest]

PFfffffffhaha. Well done.

 

[Gouty]

Another great healing technique from the past is to wrap handful of clock springs in a hot towel, insert it in your asshole and have a frightened mule kick you in the ribs. You'll dream sideways for six hours about electric hens.