Yeah, I'm just really confused.
I kinda like this girl, but I'm not really sure. Its just hard because I can tell she REALLY likes me and I don't want to hurt her feelings. She is hyper hyper smart. Like scarily so, and an incredible artist. Shes a printmaker and is getting ready for grad school. Her apt is just filled with giant paintings stacked against the wall. She has a single speed upside down on its seat and handlebars in the kitchen and she smokes a lot of weed. She's pretty cute. Kinda short, philipino, slightly curvy and has a giant personality. She's like the most genuine person I've ever met, the first night I went over we just jumped into this incredible conversation about our respective works and it was really exciting. We hooked up that night but didn't have sex.
But I'm just not really ready for someone to be in love with me. And I don't really know what to do about it. I told her we should take it slower and yesterday I went over and we both had agreed not to hook up and just to hang out. Well, we ended up having sex. But we stopped before we finished. It was really really really hot... and then we just kinda got out of sync. (it was mostly me) Neither of us were worried or upset about it, we ended up going to get dinner and had a super fun night eating vegetarian chile and watching netflix.
I just don't know what I'm looking for. She's so funny and such a talker. She can actually keep up with me. Its insane. But I'm just feeling really distant. I want to see where this goes, I can already tell we're a ridiculous mix. The ideas that we already started hatching were phenomenal. I want to collaborate with her. I want to hear everything she has to say about the world and about technology.
But something about it just has me kinda worried. I know whats it like to be around incredibly incredibly intelligent people and I can already feel how in sync we can be with our awareness of one another. But I'm just... I'm not sure.