Wow. I don't even know what just happened.
Let me drink a beer and try to process this..
So like two weeks a group of girls came into the store I work at. One of them invited me to (her friend that we'll call Alice's) Gallery opening on the 31st. On it, she (we'll call her Josie) wrote her phone number.
That night I texted Josie and we had a really fun text conversation that got pretty racy at times. Two days later we went out for one drink and once we got back to her place she immediately took off her shirt and we hooked up. It was as casual as could be.
We talked and texted through the internet for the next two days and then we hung out again. I told her up front that evening we should keep it platonic and just watch TV and talk and stuff since thats more what I was feeling. I was quickly realizing that while Josie is an incredible individual with a lot to offer she wasn't what I was looking for. Well, that night she is all over me. And I played my part. I'm not trying to blame her, I could have stopped it but I didn't. We hooked up again. So that was the first mistake.
I was a bit distant with Josie over the next few days trying to subtly hint that I was kinda cooling on her. But we ended up going out that weekend. So this is about a week after she initially gave me her number. It was an amazing night. We got burritos, went to the bookstore, went to the bar and had a long talk about where our boundaries are. I articulated that I'm just working on my own identity and can't have anyone else really be a part of it right now. This is an important nuance for me because I really do care for Josie.. she was just very eager to have me be a part of her identity I felt. I just got the vibe her that she was WAYY infatuated with me which I can't really deal with right now.
But anyway, so that night after having been at the bar and having what I felt was an amazing conversation where I was essentially setting up an emotional boundary between us we go back to my place and hook up again. Again, it was a mistake and the next morning I was conflicted about it. I kinda didn't even want it.. but it was just one of those things where it was easier to see the evening through to its expected conclusion rather than rock the boat. And hey, sex. Again, mistake number two.
So after that date she went away for the weekend and we didn't see eachother for a few days.
The next time we hang out her friend Alice is there. It was serendipitous because me and Josie were supposed to hang out the night before but had postponed so she could hang out with Alice who had just got some bad news about her education career. But it turns out that then Alice bailed on Josie and they didn't do anyting that night.. so the next night when Josie and I are supposed to hang out Alice (who had to drive from a different city) was there. Which was fine with me. I had figured it was a blessing because I was trying to steer Josie and I's friendship out of the romance-zone. Well, turns out Alice is amazing. I was just so.. infatuated with her.. and the two of them pulled the "lets make out in front of him schtick" BIG TIME. To the point where Josie was griding me against my groin while making out with Alice. This, coupled with Alice giving me a few compliments and glances that made me think the attraction was mutual.
I didn't really think anything of it because she lives a few cities away and I genuinely wasn't really expecting to see her again. It was more that it put into stark, stark relief how much I didn't want Josie.
So a few days later its Halloween. The big gallery opening. I had set the plan that I'd go home at 8:30 since I had to work the next day. Josie and I have a talk about how I really need things to be platonic and I feel like I'm going to hurt her. She makes some comment about how shes surprised she didn't cry and felt like she was being broken up with. But it was at least the 4th talk we had about giving me space and just being friends. Afterwards I took Josie to Scandia around noon and we had one helluva time. It was a blast and really drove home how awesome she is. So its about 5pm and instead of going home, I agreed to go to the show (which I had not wanted to go to) because we were gonna get there at 7 and hang out for a few hours. Which I thought would put me home at 10.
But of course, group dynamics being group dynamics (there were about 5 others making the trip to the show and lots of them were running late) we don't get there until 9. It was great, I was frustrated with what had happened and how much time we wasted just sitting around while college girls got upset about not finding Molly, but once we got there I shrugged it off and had a blast. And Alice was there. I was picking up on the same vibe I had got from a few days before.
Anyway, after the gallery and a marching band later we end up at a bar just the three of us and all dance together as a group. Typical 2 girls 1 guy dancing dynamic. It was really fun and awesome and Alice had no boundary issues dancing with me.
So then we make it back to Josie's apt and about 8 people are there hanging out and getting drunk. We're kinda all just drawing and stuff but at some point Josie and Alice and I decide to go to my house. Effectively ditching everyone at Josie's apt. I had told Alice that we shouldn't but they actually did insist. Me, being drunk, realizing the short few hours I have before work, and very curious about what might happen didn't take much convincing to head back with them. And hey, I really needed to go home because I had to work at 8 in the morning. Mistake number three.
So we get there and its immediately kind of awkward. I was drunk and kinda needed to go to bed. The girls were quickly kind of standoffish and just don't have the same energy as they did all the way up to this point. I emerge from the bathroom and say "who wants to open a bottle of wine and take a shower" 49% jokingly.. mostly because of how much I need to go to work the next day. Not because I wasn't down. The comment is played off by the usual joky nature of those types of comments, plus it was about the 3,000th joke I had told that night. (I am full of jokes.)
I then go upstairs to grab my vaporizer because we were planning to make a fire. And Josie corners me and says "if you try to have a threesome with me and my friend I'm never talking to you again" which I then used as an oppurtunity to explicitly tell her I'm just not into her and that I'm interested in Alice. Period. I felt terrible and cried afterwards. I knew she was gonna get her feelings hurt but I did all I could do. Dating is messy and thats what happens. People don't like to believe that, or they think they're ready for it but 9 times out of 10 they're wrong.
Well they basically just leave after that.
So, I try to contact Alice to see whats up between us. Its important to note here that on Halloween night we had talked at three different times about hanging out on my Birthday because I'm going to be her neck of the woods for a movie premiere. So I tried to contact her! First through instagram, of which hers was seemingly pretty inactive. So the next thing I did was typer [herinstagramname.com] into my address bar. And the first thing that pops up is a Work In Progress gallery website with nothing but her phone number and email address. So I texted her. [Mistake number 5?]
I said "I got your number off your portolio site, was wondering if you were still down to hang out next week. If not, thats fine too."
Well.
I get a voicemail from Alice. Her clearly and obviously reading a prewritten script. Threatening to have her friend beat me up and calling me a vicious predator for tracknig her down. She calls me manipulative, said I lied to Josie and am a small piece of shit. She calles me a pussy for texting her.
So I call her. [mistake number 6]
And she pickes up the phone and won't even let me get a word in. She was obviously drunk, wasn't even conversing more just saying that I'm just like every guy in the world and that I'm a predator and that I'm maliciuos and evil and that I made her feel disgusting and that I was fucking with her friends head and that theres I reason I have no friends and etc.. just pure fucking ranting. She says the only reason she even was nice to me was because of her friend and that she would never give me the time of day. So I say "Your interest had ulterior motives and mine was genuine and I'm the asshole?" and "I think you're taking a lot of your past experiences out on me." To which she just didn't respond.
Then after being yelled at some more I say that I don't deserve this and she just starts repeating that back "Ohhhh... you don't deserve this? YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS? pooor baby" And I say she's being incredibly condescending and am greeted with the same restating of my statements.. and then she hangs up on me.
So I'm sitting here just in complete shock. I did nothing but follow my emotional compass and tell each person the explicit emotional truth about what I was experiencing. She threatened to have me beat up, called me a predatory liar and just all around worthless person. Theres a part of me thats worried she'll come into work and try to fuck with me.
I don't even know what to say. I feel like this post has been as objective as possible.
I think what happened is Alice just doesn't want to screw her friendship with Josie up and is thorougly rebuffing me to keep a clear concience. I don't feel like I did anything wrong. I can't force myself to like someone on a deep, deep level. I tried to steer my relatonship with Josie onto a more platonic with some benefits path but it didn't happen.
And now I'm sitting here worrying some gang of people are going to try to interfere with my life.
Be careful out there.