Thank you!
"Exotic" might not be a compliment towards people
- Thread starter Messofanego
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Thank you!
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
You're throwing the word offended around where it hasn't been said. Sometimes people don't like to hear very particular things, and if she explained what it was and why, then why not respect that in that moment?
YesNOnoNOYes
Member
But you're offended at her being offended.
I don't know who's more sensitive anymore now.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
This is the sort of shit the people who do use coded language and hidden messages say. That's why people get on the defensive. I feel it's reasonable to think sometimes, like with exotic, that there's probably some fucked up subtext going on, whether the giver knows it or not. Because now we can just circle back to wondering why the person wouldn't have used beautiful, gorgeous, etc.
Twilight Gap
Member
I was agreeing with the sentiment that offense is often taken for various reasons even given the best of intentions. I don't necessarily agree with the word in the OP, but I felt that the comment I quoted was more in line with my thoughts.
If that's not what the discussion is about then I will take my leave.
not psycho
Member
I don't know why it would be considered a compliment in the first place.
(Strikingly, excitingly, or mysteriously) different or unusual. Nothing about that is a compliment. In fact, it says almost nothing about what it describes, but rather about the person using the word.
What it comes down to is that some people like experiencing different and unusual things. You could recommend an "exotic locale" to a friend, and what you would mean is that they are likely to find it enjoyably different and unusual. The description is informative because you know their frame of reference; it is not at all informative out of context.
So why would it be a compliment? If you tell someone they are exotic you are telling them about your frame of reference. You aren't actually complimenting (or even describing) anything about them. Are they supposed to respond "thank you, I'm glad that I appear enjoyably unusual to you based on your life experience"?
(Strikingly, excitingly, or mysteriously) different or unusual. Nothing about that is a compliment. In fact, it says almost nothing about what it describes, but rather about the person using the word.
What it comes down to is that some people like experiencing different and unusual things. You could recommend an "exotic locale" to a friend, and what you would mean is that they are likely to find it enjoyably different and unusual. The description is informative because you know their frame of reference; it is not at all informative out of context.
So why would it be a compliment? If you tell someone they are exotic you are telling them about your frame of reference. You aren't actually complimenting (or even describing) anything about them. Are they supposed to respond "thank you, I'm glad that I appear enjoyably unusual to you based on your life experience"?
Winterfang
Banned
No
Yes.
I understand why people can get offended by it, if they take it the wrong way but is a nice compliment, if a bit corny.
Why respect an over reaction?
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Well said!
YesNOnoNOYes
Member
Yeah, it's a faux-pas with some men. I learned my lesson. Now I say, "you look younger than I thought you are"
:x
Zen_Arcade
Banned
I don't know what you would call that response to being called cute other then offended. It sounds like she's offended because she equates the word cute with cats and animals and not people.
I don't like hearing a lot of benign innocent words, but I don't complain every time someone happens to use them towards me. I know the world doesn't revolve around me, and I can't scare everyone around me into only using words I want them to say. That's just a childish attitude. There are plenty of words it makes sense for (Like racial/sexist slurs, ect), but when you start getting down into the perfectly innocent ones like cute I think people start having the right to question why they should have to censor themselves for such innocent comments.
Well she didn't from what that poster said. Had she given a less rude explanation I would probably have seen the situation from a different light and might have apologized. Either way, I wouldn't want to be around that person for very long.
Beauty is based off life experience. Doesn't this also apply to beautiful and gorgeous as well?
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
The lesson you're supposed to take from this is to respect how others feel.
figadapaura
Member
It seems like such an odd way to describe someone. You're basically just saying they're foreign and you're ignorant.
What a cute post.
There is a lot of sweet nothings in this post.
It is totally not okay for you to expect everyone you encounter to react the same way to your actions. That's a ridiculous premise.
It seems to me like there are some people in this thread that are saying that you should never use the word exotic to describe a person because there are people who can perceive that negatively. Every single compliment has the potential to be interpreted as negative, there are people who'd take offence to someone saying a that a specific colour of clothing looks good on them. NeoGaf isn't representative of the general population since a certain group of people are drawn to it.
In my experience it's far less likely to offend anyone than it is to be seen as a compliment. So if that's your experience I see nothing wrong with trying to use it as a compliment if you want to. If you use it and then the person who you use it on says that they dislike being called it or shows some sort of discomfort of negative reaction you wouldn't use it on them again.
I'm not trying to defend the point of view that you should continue to use it on people who don't like it because you have good intentions if people were saying that.
Not using a word that I think would be a positive thing in a lot more situations than it would be a negative thing because it has the potentialf to offend a minority of people seems to be going a bit too far.
Exactly.
It might be when you say it, but it's not when other people say it.
So being that the word implies that the subject is foreign in some way, that some people do use it to fetishize others, and also that some minorities deal with both being perpetually thought of as foreigners and as a target for fetishization as sociological issues: how is that person supposed interpret the statement?
Can't you see how their reaction would be defensive?
If finding someone exotic is based off life experiences then so is beauty unless you figured out what you found beautiful at age 10. Why is beautiful more accepted when.exotic.means essentially foreign hottie? If we are discussing sub context then.why doesn't this apply to words people against exotic don't mind?
Battersea Power Station
Member
What is your real ethnicity?
You know what, you're right. My bad.
in that case beautiful works perfectly without the need for a "foreign" aspect
And what is wrong with saying someone is a foreigner? Is it a seperator? If so, I will need evidence of that.
If you can't understand why people do not want their appearance to be measured under the asterisk "You look different", then you can't be helped.
Because, at least, sometimes that person isn't actually foreign. So by implying they are you are marginalizing them.
What? Of course there's something wrong with it! Especially if they're born in the same country as you and aren't a foreigner! That's so ignorant.
You are identifying the other for no reason. Saying someone looks different to you (not better as beauty suggests) is not a compliment.
Winterfang
Banned
Is eccentric to personality, what exotic is to looks?
Off topic question, I've being called both. (I like it though)
Off topic question, I've being called both. (I like it though)
We all know what harmful personality traits are, and eccentric is not one of them.
Zen_Arcade
Banned
Sometimes others feelings are unreasonable. Not just by me, but by general society. Sometimes they are jaded by certain events and make assumptions and snap judgments about people. Those people have to access if their behavior is appropriate too. People over react to things, people are unreasonable about things. Most people would find someone getting offended at someone for holding a door for them weird. Most women are perfectly fine with getting called cute.
In the case of holding the door, it's someone getting offended because someone did something nice for you. Why should I be apologizing for doing something nice for someone else?
What about alt girls? I think these girls are pretty because they are different. Would the moniker exotic be ok in this case?
I can contest that people want to be different and stand out. However, neither you or I have evidence.
Indonesian.
Pretty much. Calling someone who grew up in the same city as you "exotic" just because they're of a different ethnicity can definitely be a bit offensive.
Winterfang
Banned
What I'm saying is that it means, that your personality is out of the ordinary. Like how an exotic look is out of the ordinary.
What about alt girls? I think these girls are pretty because they are different. Would the moniker exotic be ok in this case?
If everybody else looked like them, you wouldn't think she was pretty?
Okay, some do. Some don't. That has nothing to do with anything though.
YesNOnoNOYes
Member
Cuz no one asked you to do something nice for them? idk
I dont get offended when people open doors for me, but if I open the door for someone else and that person gets offended, i dont question WHY YOU SO EASILY OFFENDED, YOU SENSITIVE PERSON. I apologise.
And no, just no to your bolded parts. You dont get to determine what is reasonable or unreasonable when you're dealing with another human person's responses.
Its one thing for an individual to prefer or not like something. Its easy enough to just say, "Ok, my bad", regardless of how reasonable you feel the complaint was. But if this is gonna be an issue on a larger scale, and what these people are asking isn't just to not be called exotic themselves, but for everybody to stop using the word as a label for a person altogether, I'm gonna need more before I can drum up the empathy to get behind it.
For instance, you're entirely right that its very easy to just apologize to somebody who was offended you held the door open for them. There's no need to get defensive in such a case. Its also easy enough to not open the door for somebody who you *know* doesn't like to have the door opened for them, just as its easy enough to not serve somebody something with mustard if you know they dont like mustard.
However, if when telling you how you offended them by holding the door open, they say something along the lines of "You should stop holding the door open for people, we dont like that!", it becomes a different situation. It becomes more than just a personal preference and turns into somebody trying to speak for everybody else and change a common courtesy behaviour into a universally offensive one.
This is where I'm at with the 'exotic' thing. I'm very willing to not call somebody exotic who doesn't like it. But until its shown that this *is* a universally(or at least largely) offensive behaviour, I'm not sure its really something that people should stop doing altogether.
No, exotic is like calling someone strange. While some people don't mind it -- you're welcome to call me strange, or a freak -- many people do.
My wife calls me all sorts of names. If you called me by any of them, we'd have a problem. If you know a girl, and you know or believe she'll be fine with being called exotic, go crazy. But calling women you don't know exotic leads to a risk of you hurting someone's feelings, which I presume is not what you want to do in that situation. You'd think basic enlightened self-interest would come into play here, but some people would rather do whatever they want, regardless of who gets hurt by it -- including them -- because they are unwilling or incapable of understanding that we don't all respond the same way to the same things.
She probably wouldn't stand out as much as right now. Most people try their best to stand out, to look different. You won't hear many people say "yeah, I totally want to look like everyone else"
You're building good empirical evidence with every post
Actually, a lot of people and human nature revolves around fitting in as well. Plenty of people wish they looked more typical.
Zen_Arcade
Banned
Why not? They're immediately judging me by assessing that holding a door for them is a questionable action despite the fact that it's perfectly normal and regular in every day life for the vast majority of society. They think I'm doing something unreasonable and saying I should feel bad for doing it. And again, it's not just me, society in general has standards of what is reasonable behavior and what isn't.
To be clear, I wouldn't be yelling at the people either, I would probably just ignore them.
When GAF had the thing against the words "bitch" and "cunt" a while back, I was personally very adamant against it, for the very same reasons people have listed in the thread. Now, obviously the word "exotic" is nowhere near as loaded, but the logic I used to justify it in my head was all the same: that the words really weren't all that bad, can have harmless connotations, and that people simply should not be so sensitive.
And really, when it came down to it, I hated the idea that I might have carelessly offended people, and if I could somehow justify their continued use, then I would be saved from the shame and embarrassment of having done wrong. I eventually realized that if I made someone feel bad, regardless of my intentions, and it is within my power to make amends and not make them feel that way in the future, the only reason I would find it difficult would be a missplaced sense of pride, and an overzealous attachment to the idea that I was, and always have been, a good person.
And really, when it came down to it, I hated the idea that I might have carelessly offended people, and if I could somehow justify their continued use, then I would be saved from the shame and embarrassment of having done wrong. I eventually realized that if I made someone feel bad, regardless of my intentions, and it is within my power to make amends and not make them feel that way in the future, the only reason I would find it difficult would be a missplaced sense of pride, and an overzealous attachment to the idea that I was, and always have been, a good person.
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