185 but I've been higher before.
Not yet. I've still got too much hanging fat on me to bulk. I still feel like I look terrible, I'm a long way from skinny. Once I'm satisfied with my fat levels I'll bulk hard.
About my weight and how it seems like I want it to be too low for my body size - I've been down this road before on FitGAF. I bulked once, my muscles got bigger, I got stronger, but I'm just really unhappy about fat gains. I would much rather be skinny and frail first. I'm trying to reset my body to a lower fat starting point. My brother is taller than me, weaker than me, and weighs much more, yet he's got a perfectly flat stomach. One of my best friends is the same height as me, weighs more than me, and has never lifted or trained in his life, and he has a perfectly flat stomach. That's what I'm after. Not strength, not size. When I sit down all kinds of shit hangs off my belly and it makes me want to cry. Every other part of me is legitimately skinny, as you could guess. My shoulders, arms, upper back, and legs are all well-defined and flab free. I feel as if all the fat on my body is wrapped around my waist and I'd have to do ridiculous, drastic weight loss to get rid of it. If I could just take a knife and cut it off, I would, and then I'd bulk. It drives me absolutely insane. There's something wrong with my body.