Brilliant lol
Four year relationship ended cos I dont want kids
- Thread starter Booser
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Brilliant lol
Rubbish King
The gift that keeps on giving
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Which makes a vasectomy an even better idea.
goldenpp72
Member
It's pretty important to be on the same page with this stuff early on, and unfortunately many people will lie about it to start in order to get somewhere. Children aren't for everyone, I see pros and cons to it myself but if I was forced to make a permanent choice now, it would probably be to not have them.
Honestly, I think the only portions of childhood I would enjoy taking care of are the times between baby era and teen era, but I imagine the rest being a total nightmare at times. Parents always try to pretend as if children are the best thing to happen to them, yet they seem infinitely happier when they are out of the house. It's one thing to feel proud of being responsible, which is what a good parent is, but another to try and fool yourself that the screaming, crying shitting itself baby is a miracle of wonders.
Though I have admittedly encountered a few well mannered children, but by the very nature of them they are insufferable and parasitic to me. I'll stick with hanging around my nephew at times unless I knock the girlfriend up.
Honestly, I think the only portions of childhood I would enjoy taking care of are the times between baby era and teen era, but I imagine the rest being a total nightmare at times. Parents always try to pretend as if children are the best thing to happen to them, yet they seem infinitely happier when they are out of the house. It's one thing to feel proud of being responsible, which is what a good parent is, but another to try and fool yourself that the screaming, crying shitting itself baby is a miracle of wonders.
Though I have admittedly encountered a few well mannered children, but by the very nature of them they are insufferable and parasitic to me. I'll stick with hanging around my nephew at times unless I knock the girlfriend up.
I knew three who didn't want kids in their mid 20s. Only one of them changed their minds in their low 30's.
Just freeze some sperm. Makes no sense to do something that permanent without making a backup copy.
freenudemacusers
Member
Yeah I know a couple who got divorced because she started to want kids and he didnt, so one day he up and got himself snipped.. Without telling her..Yeah..
freenudemacusers
Member
This
Awesome! See, I love the idea of doing this and being a support system for the kids in my family. I'm kind of that already with my younger cousins, and I know how much it means to them. I actually love being around kids and I'm good with them, but I think in actually being a mother I'll do more harm than good. Instead, I want to dedicate some part of my life in helping kids in difficult circumstances through education and charity.Haha I'm that cool uncle! whenever I see my nieces and nephews I take them to a toy shop (there's 7 of them in Australia) and say "$200 each. U got one hour buy whatever you want" the kids love me HahaI then read them stories and tuck them in and get my kisses and cuddles. job done!
I don't think I could date someone long term who definitely wanted children. I know I'm young and could always change my mind, but right now that's the plan.
H.Protagonist
[-_-]/
I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but it's not something I've ever come across (women thinking they'll be able to 'wear' some guy down). I have seen a few women who didn't want kids initially gradually change their minds, though.
But, man or woman, hiding what you really want out of a relationship is a recipe for divorce.
Wow. That's awful. Just say if you don't want any. I hate it, I truly do, but we do have limited time to be able to have kids and doing something like that to her is truly wrong. Why can't people just be honest about it if they actually know what they want? (I do know why. It's just frustrating)
Haha. I'm beginning to think I'm the only GirlGaf member who actually wants kids. (Fiction doesn't count because she has some already.)
I understand that sucks, I don't think i would stay friends but i think you can leave her on your friends list and just block her posts. That way your not burning a unnecessary bridge i also wouldn't say you don't want contact just don't hit her back simple enough that way you don't hurt someone you cared for along time.
chaostrophy
Member
Frozen sperm and vasectomy reversals aren't very reliable. If you feel the need to do this a vasectomy is probably not right for you.
I'll probably be fine just being the cool aunt that spoils everyone else's kids by taking them to the bookstore and buying them a bunch of books and comics. I can imagine you doing the same.
I totally am planning on that! Well, I'm an only child, so not an aunt in the traditional sense, but my cousins are having kids so I'm planning on spoiling them every chance I get.
freenudemacusers
Member
Yeah but maids charge extra if you want to change their diapers.
I didn't mean to imply that women all have ulterior motives. I realize many can change their minds as life circumstances change (parents fall ill or friends have babies).
Change their diapers? My good sir it will be my diapers in need of changing.
freenudemacusers
Member
I can be your daddy, I can do it one handed and in under 10 seconds now.
H.Protagonist
[-_-]/
No, no. Your post was fine. You didn't imply that at all. It's just a sentiment that I hear a lot about women/kids from guys and it seems more like a stereotypical TV plot thing than real life (based on my own experience). I was just musing aloud about it.
ElectricBlue187
Member
"Started" to want kids implies that she didn't want kids before and perhaps he didn't trust her to take her birth control and took matters into his own hands. He doesn't owe her kids, it sounded like he was pretty clear that he didn't want any.
freenudemacusers
Member
Sure, but pretending to be alright with it while getting snipped is not cool. It's really the total breakdown of communication that killed it, IMO
Vicetrailia
Banned
Sorry for your breakup OP, break off all contact! Honestly I don't see the problem though, if not now then it would have been another time. You'll find your match.
H.Protagonist
[-_-]/
Like mac said, it's the lack of communication. I don't think he 'owed' her children. What he did owe her was to be honest about not wanting any and not waste her time. He knew she wanted them and then got snipped without a word. He was getting what he wanted (continued relationship + no kids) and completely ignoring, and in fact making it impossible for her to get what she wanted (relationship + kids) without her knowing. That's messed up, especially as we have a limited time to have kids.
Haha. I'm beginning to think I'm the only GirlGaf member who actually wants kids. (Fiction doesn't count because she has some already.)
Most of my lack of desire for kids is mostly due to practical considerations.
1. I doubt I'll ever make very much money. Not as much as my parents made (firmly middle class income) even with combined incomes. I would want to give a child of mine the kind of comfortable childhood I had, and I'm not sure I could provide that.
2. When I get obsessed with a project, I tend not to notice anything around me. I even forget to feed myself. I only give my cat attention because she forces the issue (by sitting on me.) I would probably be a slightly neglectful mother.
3. My lack of desire for socializing. Passing on this degree of introvertedness cannot be a good thing.
The only non-practical consideration is oh god having something growing inside me for nine months, changing my body it ways I don't like, then bursting out of me when it's "ripe". *shudder* Kids are great. Their method of arriving is not. Wish they could really come by storks.
Intelligence.
Nose Master
Member
You bought her a book for your 4-year anniversary? It doesn't really sound like it ended just because you don't want kids.
The Return of
Banned
I've been trying to find a female who is ready to drop out 1 baby a year for the next 3-7 years
Phat Michael
Banned
you probably could be a good mother if it was forced upon you, however you are taking the smart route of keeping your options open.
in terms of helping kids through education, well I'm fortunate that that is my actual job. i have helped launch 10 schools which now have thousands of kids receiving education (including scholarships and benefits) so i guess I'm helping out in some small way.
H.Protagonist
[-_-]/
Haha. Oh, believe me, I understand. I don't think people should all be all about the babies. Personally, I lack that kind of inner passion (I guess?) that some people seem to have for kids. I don't desire them so much as have a keen interest in the potential they represent. I think I have some good things to pass on and I'd love to see them grow up and become something amazing. That my guy is all gooey about having kids is good because he'll balance out my own rather, ah, scientific approach.
For you, I can so picture you in your book room, lost in work or study for months, and your imaginary child rolling its eyes going, "Mom has not emerged for many a week. I should feed her."
-_- Philia...
freenudemacusers
Member
Clearly
Haha. Oh, believe me, I understand. I don't think people should all be all about the babies. Personally, I lack that kind of inner passion (I guess?) that some people seem to have for kids. I don't desire them so much as have a keen interest in the potential they represent. I think I have some good things to pass on and I'd love to see them grow up and become something amazing. That my guy is all gooey about having kids is good because he'll balance out my own rather, ah, scientific approach.
For you, I can so picture you in your book room, lost in work or study for months, and your imaginary child rolling its eyes going, "Mom has not emerged for many a week. I should feed her."
Having kids to take care of ME. That's not something I had taken into consideration!
My cousin is one of those "inner passion for children is so great it trumps all else" kind of people. So she is having a child with someone who already has to pay child support for another kid, plus they both only work at minimum wage part time jobs. It really makes me concerned. I hope everything works out alright for them.
What. I was being sarcastic lol. I'd like to say that a lot of GAF are pretty young though.
Buddha Beam
Banned
I don't necessarily agree. I'm 31 and don't want kids yet, but my wife does. We are trying to get pregnant now because she's 35 and worried that she's getting too old. I feel like I'm jumping ahead with my life...but I love her so dearly and ultimately, I feel you have to be willing to put your partner's needs ahead of your own sometimes.
That said, it sounds like even if OP did want kids, things would have still fallen apart. We've almost all been there, man. It sucks but its ultimately for the best. The good thing is you saw the end coming. It's easier to get over a long term relationship when it's long been clear that things weren't going to end well.
speculawyer
Member
Well . . . sometimes relationships need to end. It is best not to have a kid if you don't want one. It is an amazingly huge investment in time and money.
Here's the thing. If you're a dude who doesn't want kids, but your gf eventually does, then you better break if off ASAP. It's only fair to her.
As women age, it's harder for them to get pregnant. They don't have all the time in the world like a man does. I mean you see old guys over 50 still becoming fathers, but you don't see 50 year old women getting pregnant.
Don't try to keep the relationship going if you know you don't want kids. Just let her go so that she can make babies with someone else who's willing to be a father.
As women age, it's harder for them to get pregnant. They don't have all the time in the world like a man does. I mean you see old guys over 50 still becoming fathers, but you don't see 50 year old women getting pregnant.
Don't try to keep the relationship going if you know you don't want kids. Just let her go so that she can make babies with someone else who's willing to be a father.
matthewwhatever
Member
Probably shouldn't conflate the ones hating kids and the ones who don't want them
You can love kids and not want them, and probably hate kids in general but still want to have some of your own at some point.
Pfft, I don't want kids in part because I hate them.
But yeah, OP, you made the right decision. If you're going to break up, wanting/not wanting kids is one of the best reasons you can have. It's one of those things where compromise is basically impossible.
And good on both of you for being honest and mature about it. My brother desperately wants kids, and he's spent the last ten years dating a woman who definitely doesn't. They just got married last fall, and I can't see it ending well -- one of them will almost inevitably have to give in and do something they don't want to do.
Mine end every time.
OK major update. Im fucking devastated. Apparently she is already seeing a new guy. I heard from a friend how excited she is that she could feel this way after loosing the supposed love of her life for four years. She met him a while ago and decided to dump me there and then. Nice.
I love how she made it feel like it was all my fault for not wanting kids. Like I said the spark was gone, but just the way she has gone about the breakup has left me feeling so used and betrayed. She swore blind to me there was no one else. Even though she technically didnt cheat, she still left for for another guy.
I love how she made it feel like it was all my fault for not wanting kids. Like I said the spark was gone, but just the way she has gone about the breakup has left me feeling so used and betrayed. She swore blind to me there was no one else. Even though she technically didnt cheat, she still left for for another guy.
Bro, that's totally, utterly normal.
Not only is she in the rebound stage, this guy likely has been waiting for his chance to pounce for ages. And don't pretend you haven't thought the same thing at some point in your life; "that douchebag doesn't deserve her, if they broke up I'd treat her right."
And he does treat her "right", because he's been watching and waiting and tells her all the right things she wanted to hear all this time. Maybe in 6 months when the honeymoon is over she'll be bored when she realizes she just wanted a rebound emotional sponge. Or maybe they'll be together forever.
Point is, get over it--because everyone does this to some degree. Sorry to be blunt but that's how people are. You're out of the picture, she can do what she wants and he knows it.
Your next relationship will be the same, she'll have her friendzoned friend waiting for his chance. You think you're the only person who has ever found your girlfriends attractive?
She found new dick, and used kids as an excuse to break it off.
Seriously though, you need to avoid hearing about her. She doesn't exist anymore. I know it's easier said than done, but it'll bring you nothing but grief.
Phat Michael
Banned
yep industry standard. happens all the time. she gets sick of you and comes up with the most convenient excuse to dump you and hook up with someone she has had her eye on for a while. it's terrible but it has happened to all of us.
teruterubozu
Member
Except you, dude. Don't fall into the typical dumped guy routine. Overcome the cliche, be that special guy. She's 25, you're 30. She's still playing girlie games of silly deception. Find a real woman who knows how to convey her true feelings without resorting to juvenile tactics. You don't have time for that.
I have a 6 year old boy and kids make you overcome all this. You want more motivation to provide for your family? Have a kid. You will learn to split your time too with your hobbies, and you get over being a complete introvert a bit.
shanshan310
Member
EDIT: shit man I'm sorry 
I do worry about how this will affect my own relationship down the track. We've been together six years, but are still young and while I don't want kids for at least 10 years I definitely do want them (boyfriend doesn't though). While I doubt many 21yos want kids, I don't know if its something that will change over time or not. I don't want to have to end such a great relationship over something this dumb, you know? I guess I'd give up kids to stay with him, but I think I'd be pretty sad that it's something we never did.
I do worry about how this will affect my own relationship down the track. We've been together six years, but are still young and while I don't want kids for at least 10 years I definitely do want them (boyfriend doesn't though). While I doubt many 21yos want kids, I don't know if its something that will change over time or not. I don't want to have to end such a great relationship over something this dumb, you know? I guess I'd give up kids to stay with him, but I think I'd be pretty sad that it's something we never did.
The most important advice in the thread for ANYONE in regards to kids. They are definitely not right for everyone, make sure that you give it a lot of thought before you decide to go forward with it.
If you enjoy your money and your time, it's generally a good idea to think of kids as the most expensive MMO on the planet. For some people, that's a good thing, but others might not understand how much of your life it will consume.
Everyone is ultimately the same. Find someone with similar interests and hope for the best. If you're getting into another long term relationship, be sure to bring up kids fairly early on so you don't end up in another situation similar to this one.
This is, quite frankly, horrible advice. If someone is not in the position to provide, they SHOULD NOT be having kids until they are. Please, please, please don't have kids if you're not prepared financially. The child is the one who will suffer for it in the end.
Omegasquash
Member
OP, sorry for any pain you're feeling, but if a relationship ended over children, the relationship was never about the two of you being together. It was about the kids.
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