GAF Anonymous Confessions thread 4.0 the last huzzah

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Mike M said:
They did once.

We all just pretend that it never happened and don't speak of it.
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I work for a company that runs a few adult orientated dating sites. In order to get people interested its part of my job to load fake pics and profiles into the systems. Thousands and thousands of them.
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You mean that hot girl on the side bar really isn't wanting to chat with me?
 
Sagitario said:
I wonder what your parents would think if they looked at your history ¬_¬
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Never been caught looking at anything weird online. Never been walked in on when knocking one out either. I am a God King.

They did come home unexpectedly early when I was fucking this girl though, so yeah. Is that worse? Not sure.
 
Screw being anonymous. Here's mine. First had sex at 9, first masturbated at 17. True story. Still don't know how I got those two switched... I'm a little backwards in many ways.
 
I'm not a Gaffer but I've been lurking around for years. Tried to register once but it was refused for some reason and I don't have another non-free email to try again.

Anyway, my confession:

I'm a 27 year old virgin. Not only that, I never kissed a girl in my life.

I'm not a bad looking guy, girls have shown interest in me in the past. But I'm either not interested or too embarassed/anxious to go on with it. I can talk to girls just fine but if I realize either me or the girl is interested, all my spontaneity goes away and I can't act like my normal self around her anymore.

The thought of making a move paralyzes me. But if I force myself and do it anyway, I stutter, look weak and can't think of things to say. The end result is so pathetic I ask myself why I even tried. It goes like that every time so I stopped doing it.

People often ask me why I don't have a girlfriend. I just make up excuses like "I'm focusing on my studies" or "I'm not really looking for anyone at the moment", but deep down I really wish I could find someone to spend some time with.

I don't drink and I refuse to go out with a prostitute. I want to work on my issues but I don't know how.
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First off, go see a doctor, you're probably suffering from a kind of anxiety.
Prostitutes are a no-no? perhaps a sexual surrogate?
 
ronito said:
First off, go see a doctor, you're probably suffering from a kind of anxiety.
Prostitutes are a no-no? perhaps a sexual surrogate?
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I know of a tittie bar he should go to. There's no sex, but one girl there will get rid of all of his anxieties around women. She'll force it out of him. It's a fully nude club with nude dances, and by the second dance she straight up shoved her pussy in my face. Literally. I could do anything to her pussy I wanted aside from putting my penis in it. I could barely breathe at points. Third dance was a hand job (I had her go quick because I needed to finish before the song did).

Well worth the money, and the only potential problem is you go home a little... wet.

Oh, and she cleans herself between dances. Her pussy was pretty dry as a result, but it's all good...

Edit - I guess I should say there's no sex if you don't count oral as sex... (no blowjobs or intercourse, but like I said, you can do just about anything you want to her aside those two)

I don't consider oral as sex.

Edit 2 - It was really expensive, and you were closed off from the world by a curtain. Good privacy. But really expensive. You lay on a big leather sofa type thing. No sitting up like in a cheap lap dance. Laying down instead of sitting up makes the whole experience so much better. But it's really expensive...
 
RatskyWatsky said:
Hm? What do you mean?
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I've never met a woman who masturbated because they were bored. I assume they exist, but I have yet to hear of a woman who has ever just been sitting there and masturbated with zero sexy thoughts in their head. Men dangle, they sit there reading forum posts fiddling around with it, sometimes it happens. Women don't dangle. Well, most women don't dangle... haha
 
stutte said:
I've never met a woman who masturbated because they were bored. I assume they exist, but I have yet to hear of a woman who has ever just been sitting there and masturbated with zero sexy thoughts in their head. Men dangle, they sit there reading forum posts fiddling around with it, sometimes it happens. Women don't dangle. Well, most women don't dangle... haha
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It happens. We just don't find the need to talk about it.
 
stutte said:
I've never met a woman who masturbated because they were bored. I assume they exist, but I have yet to hear of a woman who has ever just been sitting there and masturbated with zero sexy thoughts in their head. Men dangle, they sit there reading forum posts fiddling around with it, sometimes it happens. Women don't dangle. Well, most women don't dangle... haha
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I'll be honest, I've never done this. Boredom drives me to books or a hobby, not jacking off.
 
Jerking off out of boredom seems weird.

ronito said:
First off, go see a doctor, you're probably suffering from a kind of anxiety.
Prostitutes are a no-no? perhaps a sexual surrogate?
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He should go read Dating-Age, some good advice there. Also, seeing a doctor wouldn't hurt.

The Anti-Monitor said:
It happens. We just don't find the need to talk about it.
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If you ever feel the need to talk about it... I'm here. In a totally non-creepy non-judgmental way.

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My wife and I were both raised in very sexually conservative families. We were each other's firsts. Now that we've left that life behind us we're open to trying new things that we missed (me more than her).

I love my wife and would never cheat on her. But I do want to explore our sexuality to the fullest. I've never been to a strip club and really want to go with my wife. I don't anything about strip clubs or what they're really like. My wife's obviously not gonna know what to expect either but I don't want her to be turned off by the experience. She's sort of open to the idea but finds strips clubs comical.

So help me GAF. What tips do you have? What should I do?
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I've actually never been to strip joint either. So I have no idea what advice to offer here. So GAF, what tips?
 
Strip clubs are kind of lame once the novelty of seeing a woman naked wears off. If he's been married for any length of time, I imagine he's at that point already.

I didn't go to strip clubs between the ages of 18 - 21. Later, when I did go for whatever reason (stag nights and birthday parties etc.) it was kind of anti climactic because I'd already become blasé about nudity.
 
viciouskillersquirrel said:
Strip clubs are kind of lame once the novelty of seeing a woman naked wears off. If he's been married for any length of time, I imagine he's at that point already.

I didn't go to strip clubs between the ages of 18 - 21. Later, when I did go for whatever reason (stag nights and birthday parties etc.) it was kind of anti climactic because I'd already become blasé about nudity.
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blasé about nudity?? I don't even... Though I do agree that strip clubs get old.
 
ronito said:
I've actually never been to strip joint either. So I have no idea what advice to offer here. So GAF, what tips?
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Most of them are actually pretty lame and boring. They go more toward the club route, with a DJ and loud music. At least the ones I've been to. Think of it like a normal club, but full of dudes, with practically the only ladies in the joint being strippers or waitresses. With, at most, a fifth of them being attractive.

The joints seem to think of them more as clubs, and you should too. To get the most enjoyment out of going there, go there with a group of male friends, drink, and have fun. Start up a conversation with an attractive stripper, and get a dance. And don't forget to tip the girl pole dancing - a dollar per dance will do. If you want a dancer to go to your table, tip her more and tell her to come over.

You'll probably get bored within an hour and leave. Strip clubs are a once in a blue moon thing. Fun a few times a year, but wear thin fast.

As for bringing a wife there... that's really hit or miss. I'd advise against it unless she's into that kind of thing, which it sounds like she's not.
 
ronito said:
I've actually never been to strip joint either. So I have no idea what advice to offer here. So GAF, what tips?
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If they wanna explore their sexuality to the fullest, they can go read that thread about the bi dude who's into like threesomes and then they posted a picture of his wedding day and another GAFer recognized his girlfriend's sister.

Or they can try something kinky in the bedroom. Public "daring" sex. Uh........ roleplay.
 
Granted, I've only gone to a strip club once, for a bachelor party, but I don't see them as much sexual as a fun, "weird", once in a blue moon thing. I'd suggest doing something else, especially if she wouldn't like the naked chicks as much as you would. They are remarkably nice with girls from what I saw, though, and dancing a bit with one of the girls there gave us a free round of drinks.
 
To this day, what I am about to write about haunts me. Not a day goes by that I do not think about it, and wonder if what I did was right. It has caused me nightmares constantly, and for several years turned me into a alcoholic mess. I cannot talk to people about it, since when they hear the story they seem to look at me differently, as if I am a monster. But not telling anyone only makes it worse. So I tell you GAF, in hopes that maybe one of you will understand.

When I was younger, I was an avid hunter. So much so that I would regularly go hunting before work and school. One morning I was on my way to work, and came across a accident involving two vehicles. I stopped to see what I could do to help. The man in one vehicle had already gotten out of his truck, and was working on opening the drivers side door to help the driver. When I got to the door, I could smell the gas and see the smoke coming from the engine. Working with him, we were able to get the driver out of the car. His passenger, a woman around his age, was still in the car. It was when we went back for her that the fire started. The car was stopped on a slope pointing downwards, so we can only guess the gas tank had been punctured during the crash and the gas had flowed far enough down hill for something to spark and ignite it. Anyone who has sat to close to a campfire knows how hot it can be. This quickly turned into a raging inferno underneath and around the car. We tried to get to her door a few times, but the grass was dry and the fire spread quickly enough to stop us. We had to sit there and watch and the fire began to consume the car. I can only guess it was the fire that woke her up. Maybe the pain from the heat. But she woke up either way. I think it was her frantic screaming that caused me to snap. The fire was already in the car, so I knew we couldn't help her get out. So I did the only thing I could. I went to my car, pulled out my rifle, and used it to end her screaming. At the time I can only guess I treated it like it was the same thing any person would do to end the suffering of a wild animal. It wasn't until after that the thought of what I had done hit me. The next thing I remember was being in the back of a squad car.

It took me a couple days to start talking to people again. Even then it was mostly to the police. They never charged me with anything, mostly because I think prosecutor had been in talks with the womans family and they had asked him to leave me be. Or maybe the authorities decided to waive the law in favor of considering it a mercy killing. I may never know. From what I understand, things were arranged to make everyone believe the fire had killed her. But I still know. I was the one that pulled the trigger. And to this day, I don't know if what I did was right. I saw her parents once after it was all said and done, the look I saw in there eyes when they noticed me was like a knife into me. I haven't touched a gun since then, and I do everything I can to avoid that part of the state I live in. I hope and pray every day that I can eventually move on, but I doubt I ever will. This is honestly the type of thing I would not wish on anyone, not even someone I hated with everything I am.

It took me several tries to type this out. Even thinking about it can cause me to turn into a nervous wreck. Actually typing it out is even worse. I doubt admitting to this will ease my mind. I doubt many will believe this story. But this is my confession GAF. Take it as you will.
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It was better when Daniel Day Lewis did it.
 
The Anti-Monitor said:
Granted, I've only gone to a strip club once, for a bachelor party, but I don't see them as much sexual as a fun, "weird", once in a blue moon thing. I'd suggest doing something else, especially if she wouldn't like the naked chicks as much as you would. They are remarkably nice with girls from what I saw, though, and dancing a bit with one of the girls there gave us a free round of drinks.
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This is true. I think it's to get women to go there more often.

Edit - and some of the dancers like women.
 
My parents gave me an insane amount of money (over $300,000) to buy a
home last month but I am unable to tell my friends where I got the
money because I feel ashamed of having it so easy. I told them I
bought the place with my own savings and a massive loan.
They all think my job is high paying, its above average, but its not
as high as I tell them it is.
Also my Grandma died last month and Mum said she will be dividing the
inheritance she gets from Grandma among my siblings and I rather than
keeping it for herself until she dies. This will be giving me another
$250 to 350k.
My friends all talk of money problems but due to my parents, I have
never had to worry about not having enough or will never in the
future.
This is not a stealth brag but it is something that I have not been
able to tell anyone and its all this money has come to me in the last
month or so.
Why do I feel ashamed about having it so good?
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Man, I wish I had your problem.
 
This confession isn't that fun but thought I'd give it a shot and maybe get some advice.

I'm a guy in my mid-20s, have had some limited oral and sex experience but unless I'm totally trashed, I cum way too quick whatever I'm doing with the gal. I've tried everything from trying to keep my mind on sports or math but haven't had any luck. I do get nervous during the act because I'm always thinking about it but yeah, just an awkward situation I've been dealing with but didn't know if it was just something I'll eventually get over or if there's something else I've been doing.
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Kegels my man.
 
I got very drunk and slept with two prostitutes (not together) in the same night two weekends ago, when all of that money should have gone towards paying for my root canal this week.
 
disappeared said:
I got very drunk and slept with two prostitutes (not together) in the same night two weekends ago, when all of that money should have gone towards paying for my root canal this week.
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I don't understand how some guys got no problem going to strip clubs or banging prostitutes. I don't see the appeal or the point. But to spend much needed money on that shit c'mon son.
 
shanshan310 said:
If this is real, I think you made a brave and ultimately good decision. I say this as someone who recently lost a family member in a car fire. I'm sure the woman would agree.
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obviously we weren't there but I can see someone making the argument that she might have lived otherwise. It might be bunk, but I'm sure someone would make that argument.
 
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