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[greatestjediever]

Absolutely. Apologies OP, I know someone this happened to as well (female) and it was devastating. How you interpret it is obviously up to you, but that's what I call it. Just know you got support if you ever want or need it.

 

[clearacell]

You weren't sure but she sure as hell seemed guilty and disappointed in herself in the apology, so it was rape. Do what you got to do, but get yourself tested before you move on to another lady...you don't know what this woman did to you.

 

[FStop7]

Absolutely, OP. You were raped. And I think it took a lot of courage for you to speak up about it openly.

 

[daveo42]

OP, it does sound like it. Just remember that none of this is your fault and you would be fully justified in reporting it.

 

[captmorgan]

Whats worse about this situation is if you press it, she can have you charged with rape because she was drunk as well (its who ever files a police report first)....and if she gets pregnant from this encounter she will be able to keep raping you for the next 18 years in support payments.

 

[Praise the Lorde]

Yes, you did. Sorry it happened to you. Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault.

 

[Yrael]

I second the suggestions to call a rape & sexual assault hotline for counselling. It could make you feel much better to talk about it and get some strong support and advice. No one should have to deal with this alone, and there are people who absolutely want to help you.

 

[ffdgh]

Going by what you described and how you feel, yeah you were raped. Sorry to hear that.

 

[besada]

First of all, I'm so sorry this has happened to you. You didn't consent. It's rape.

Regardless of what else you do about, I encourage you to contact a rape counselor. The after effects of rape can last a long time and do a lot of damage. A rape counselor can help your process what happened to you, and counsel you regarding what you can do about it. You can find something local, here:
http://centers.rainn.org/

In addition, if you're in school, your university may have on campus resources. I urge you to look into them. Again, I'm terribly sorry this happened to you. If you need someone to chat with, feel free to PM me.

 

[Dali]

I'm gonna go with no. Just based on what I read in the OP.

 

[Keri]

True. If he does report it and it turns out months down the road that she is pregnant and she wants to have the baby. OP doesn't have to pay right? He was raped so it wasn't his fault. Or would he have to pay anyway? If the rape report would save him from paying then I would report it ASAP.

As far as I understand, he'd still have to pay child support, because child support is a right held by the child, an indisputably innocent party who had no control over their conception. Even assuming, however, that rape created an exception for child support (which I don't think it does) it's likely that a conviction would be necessary and the mere report would be insufficient.

Honestly, I'd advise any man who finds themselves in such an unfortunate position to sue for full custody. (But it's extremely unlikely that this girl is pregnant).

 

[Dipz]

Yep, you got raped.

Don't let anyone tell you how to handle it, do what you think is right. You know more about your situation with the rapist (yes, this is what she is) than anyone here would.

 

[soultron]

OP, did you speak with her about it, past her apology? If you're close, maybe you can work this out between the two of you. If the relationship is worth salvaging, that is.

 

[Aquamarine]

Last night I was hanging out with a girl and a few drinks turned into a lot more. She turned on some music and started grinding on me then pulled me into the bedroom; I remember all of that. Then I started to pass out and sort of hunched over her as she kept grinding on me. She pushed me onto the bed and took my pants off. At this point I remember saying, "hey no, let's not do this drunk" and she said it was fine. She grabbed a prophylactic and put it on me and attempted to have sex with me while I was on the bed. I was in and out of all of this; only remember flashes of what happened.

Woke up this morning and she apologized for what happened last night.

I feel really weird about this because I'm a guy who doesn't really care too much about getting laid or not. But when I ask a woman not to have sex with me and she does, while I'm drunk at that, I feel...I don't know violated doesn't seem to encompass the feeling.

Switch the genders around. Have OP be an innocent girl and her aggressor be a man.

If you do that it's very clearly rape. So yeah, regardless of which gender attacked who, if it's unwanted then it's rape.

 

[captmorgan]

As far as I understand, he'd still have to pay child support, because child support is a right held by the child, an indisputably innocent party who had no control over their conception. Even assuming, however, that rape created an exception for child support (which I don't think it does) it's likely that a conviction would be necessary and the mere report would be insufficient.

Honestly, I'd advise any man who finds themselves in such an unfortunate position to sue for full custody. (But it's extremely unlikely that this girl is pregnant).

And then what? Put the child up for adoption? what if you really didnt want children?

 

[Yrael]

I'm gonna go with no. Just based on what I read in the OP.

He said "no, let's not do this," was blackout drunk and was slipping in and out of consciousness. There was no consent given. How is that not rape?

 

[direct_quote]

OP, did you speak with her about it, past her apology? If you're close, maybe you can work this out between the two of you. If the relationship is worth salvaging, that is.

I don't think it's worth salvaging if the girl gave him a drug to try and keep him awake for sex, and still went through with it anyway without his permission while he was passed out.
edit: minus the drug part misread.

 

[FinalStageBoss]

If it continued without your consent, its rape, can't be any more clear,

 

[Eteric Rice]

Yeah, sounds like rape OP. You said no, and she continued on even as you went unconscious.

You were raped, sir.

 

[3bdelilah]

That depends, did you get your dick up? If so, and pardon my ignorance, I really don't think you've been raped. You might have felt dirty and maybe violated afterwards, but in that specific moment in the heat of the moment, psychically, I wouldn't say you were raped.

But again, I might be thinking way too simple now.

 

[Gotchaye]

That depends, did you get your dick up? If so, and pardon my ignorance, I really don't think you've been raped. You might have felt dirty and maybe violated afterwards, but in that specific moment in the heat of the moment, psychically, I wouldn't say you were raped.

But again, I might be thinking way too simple now.

Now, maybe yours works differently, but most men can't just decide whether or not their penis is going to be erect at any given moment.

 

[hiroshawn]

As far as I understand, he'd still have to pay child support, because child support is a right held by the child, an indisputably innocent party who had no control over their conception. Even assuming, however, that rape created an exception for child support (which I don't think it does) it's likely that a conviction would be necessary and the mere report would be insufficient.

Honestly, I'd advise any man who finds themselves in such an unfortunate position to sue for full custody. (But it's extremely unlikely that this girl is pregnant).

Wow. If you don't get full custody the i would flee to France and join the legion. I feel sorry for OP.

 

[Dr_Boris_Goltz]

That depends, did you get your dick up? If so, and pardon my ignorance, I really don't think you've been raped. You might have felt dirty and maybe violated afterwards, but in that specific moment in the heat of the moment, psychically, I wouldn't say you were raped.

But again, I might be thinking way too simple now.

An erection isn't consent.

 

[Devolution]

That depends, did you get your dick up? If so, and pardon my ignorance, I really don't think you've been raped. You might have felt dirty and maybe violated afterwards, but in that specific moment in the heat of the moment, psychically, I wouldn't say you were raped.

But again, I might be thinking way too simple now.

You know the reverse of this is telling women because their body lubricated itself that they weren't "physically raped."

Just stahp it.

 

[Aquamarine]

That depends, did you get your dick up? If so, and pardon my ignorance, I really don't think you've been raped. You might have felt dirty and maybe violated afterwards, but in that specific moment in the heat of the moment, psychically, I wouldn't say you were raped.

But again, I might be thinking way too simple now.

In many situations a man getting hard is involuntary...having his penis stimulated while unconscious is another one of those involuntary reactions.


Again, the best way to judge whether it's rape is...switch genders. Have OP be a girl and her aggressor be a man.

Does this sound like rape to you?

Last night I was hanging out with a guy and a few drinks turned into a lot more. He turned on some music and started grinding on me then pulled me into the bedroom; I remember all of that. Then I started to pass out and sort of hunched over him as he kept grinding on me. He pushed me onto the bed and took my pants off. At this point I remember saying, "hey no, let's not do this drunk" and he said it was fine. He grabbed a prophylactic and put it on himself and attempted to have sex with me while I was on the bed. I was in and out of all of this; only remember flashes of what happened.

Woke up this morning and he apologized for what happened last night.

If the answer is "yes" then it's rape.

 

[captmorgan]

That depends, did you get your dick up? If so, and pardon my ignorance, I really don't think you've been raped. You might have felt dirty and maybe violated afterwards, but in that specific moment in the heat of the moment, psychically, I wouldn't say you were raped.

But again, I might be thinking way too simple now.

So if a girl gets wet, or orgasms its not rape?

 

[HUELEN10]

An erection isn't consent.

This.

 

[ItIsOkBro]

That depends, did you get your dick up? If so, and pardon my ignorance, I really don't think you've been raped. You might have felt dirty and maybe violated afterwards, but in that specific moment in the heat of the moment, psychically, I wouldn't say you were raped.

But again, I might be thinking way too simple now.

This is really one of the worst posts in this topic.

 

[slit]

That depends, did you get your dick up? If so, and pardon my ignorance, I really don't think you've been raped. You might have felt dirty and maybe violated afterwards, but in that specific moment in the heat of the moment, psychically, I wouldn't say you were raped.

But again, I might be thinking way too simple now.

Uh, guess what. Women have reported orgasms while being raped. That means nothing.

 

[waypoetic]

And that's rape. You know who to call OP

 

[ShyGuy0504]

That depends, did you get your dick up? If so, and pardon my ignorance, I really don't think you've been raped. You might have felt dirty and maybe violated afterwards, but in that specific moment in the heat of the moment, psychically, I wouldn't say you were raped.

But again, I might be thinking way too simple now.

That's not how it works.

You don't have to consent to get an erection.

 

[Weiss]

That depends, did you get your dick up? If so, and pardon my ignorance, I really don't think you've been raped. You might have felt dirty and maybe violated afterwards, but in that specific moment in the heat of the moment, psychically, I wouldn't say you were raped.

But again, I might be thinking way too simple now.

Guys get erections when they sleep. Are they sending out a mating call to women while they're asleep just in case?

 

[wsoxfan1214]

yes, you were. I would report it.

whats a prophylactic

Try using google some time.

 

[ReignofSparrows]

That depends, did you get your dick up? If so, and pardon my ignorance, I really don't think you've been raped. You might have felt dirty and maybe violated afterwards, but in that specific moment in the heat of the moment, psychically, I wouldn't say you were raped.

But again, I might be thinking way too simple now.

This is some victim blaming, rape apologetic bullshit.

 

[MIMIC]

That depends, did you get your dick up? If so, and pardon my ignorance, I really don't think you've been raped. You might have felt dirty and maybe violated afterwards, but in that specific moment in the heat of the moment, psychically, I wouldn't say you were raped.

But again, I might be thinking way too simple now.

Statutorily speaking (at least in Florida), rape (sexual battery) can be committed after the "union" of one's sexual organ with that of another. So an erection isn't necessary.

 

[Camp Lo]

Yeah, that was rape. I got it like that one time but it was with a girlfriend. What a shitty night that was.

 

[Pryce]

That depends, did you get your dick up? If so, and pardon my ignorance, I really don't think you've been raped. You might have felt dirty and maybe violated afterwards, but in that specific moment in the heat of the moment, psychically, I wouldn't say you were raped.

But again, I might be thinking way too simple now.

This is not a good post.

 

[Winterfang]

That depends, did you get your dick up? If so, and pardon my ignorance, I really don't think you've been raped. You might have felt dirty and maybe violated afterwards, but in that specific moment in the heat of the moment, psychically, I wouldn't say you were raped.

But again, I might be thinking way too simple now.

I think you got it wrong. It is because he got an erection that he was raped, he participated in a sexual act without his consent. Of course vaginal penetration is not the only way for a man to get raped.

 

[Keri]

Wow. If you don't get full custody the i would flee to France and join the legion. I feel sorry for OP.

Yeah, it's kind of a horrible and impossible situation, BUT, I don't mean to frighten the OP. It's really unlikely this girl is pregnant, if for no other reason, because there's a short window where it's possible for pregnancy to occur (and also because it sounds like she used protection and then stopped, when things weren't working out?)

 

[KillGore]

You were raped

unfortunately modern society doesn't believe men can get raped, so you're screwed.

 

[wsoxfan1214]

That depends, did you get your dick up? If so, and pardon my ignorance, I really don't think you've been raped. You might have felt dirty and maybe violated afterwards, but in that specific moment in the heat of the moment, psychically, I wouldn't say you were raped.

But again, I might be thinking way too simple now.

are you fucking serious?

 

[TrueGrime]

That depends, did you get your dick up? If so, and pardon my ignorance, I really don't think you've been raped. You might have felt dirty and maybe violated afterwards, but in that specific moment in the heat of the moment, psychically, I wouldn't say you were raped.

But again, I might be thinking way too simple now.

This is fucking incredible. I can't even..

I distinctly remember seeing an episode of Law and Order: SVU. They were interviewing a rape victim. A guy on guy rape. The victim was so embarrassed to talk about it because he remembered being sexually stimulated during the rape. Hated himself for it.

 

[eudaemonic]

First of all, I'm so sorry this has happened to you. You didn't consent. It's rape.

Regardless of what else you do about, I encourage you to contact a rape counselor. The after effects of rape can last a long time and do a lot of damage. A rape counselor can help your process what happened to you, and counsel you regarding what you can do about it. You can find something local, here:
http://centers.rainn.org/

In addition, if you're in school, your university may have on campus resources. I urge you to look into them. Again, I'm terribly sorry this happened to you. If you need someone to chat with, feel free to PM me.

This post. Listen to the mod.

 

[FStubbs]

That depends, did you get your dick up? If so, and pardon my ignorance, I really don't think you've been raped. You might have felt dirty and maybe violated afterwards, but in that specific moment in the heat of the moment, psychically, I wouldn't say you were raped.

But again, I might be thinking way too simple now.

You can't use arousal or orgasm on the part of the victim to claim that it wasn't rape.Plenty of women raped by men orgasm but it's still rape. Same thing here.

 

[acrid]

Yeah, it'd probably be best to report it. I'd just be worried that if you didn't, she might (for whatever reason) feel bad about it and somehow try to turn it around on you.

 

[Brofield]

I'm sorry to hear that, OP. It's a shame and just plain shameful that people don't realize men can also be forced to have sex against their will, not just women.

Consent is absolutely paramount. Any party that doesn't consent is being violated.

File a police report, don't let anyone else go through the same experience.

 

[captainraincoat]

How does "Let's not do this" = wanting sex? The cop's reaction is why so many people have trouble reporting. Really awful stuff.

As a guy..definitely
I think it's more of a guy thing that we are simply meant to chalk it up as "a nympho tried to attack me....hi five guys"

As a girl they could pretty much tattoo a date/time and name above their vagina and then fuck the guy and cry rape and the law will come down on them and they are branded a sex offender for life


People have the right to say no but it's the idiots who abuse it that have made these sorts of laws so one sided.

 

[timetokill]

You got raped, OP. I'm sorry to hear it.

That depends, did you get your dick up? If so, and pardon my ignorance, I really don't think you've been raped. You might have felt dirty and maybe violated afterwards, but in that specific moment in the heat of the moment, psychically, I wouldn't say you were raped.

But again, I might be thinking way too simple now.

Psychic rape?
Women can get wet and orgasm when being raped. It's a physical reaction. Same thing with men and erections. I mean I would think it's obvious to any guy since growing up I'd imagine most of us had unwanted erections all the time.

 

[HappyBivouac]

I've had situations where I've said I wasn't in the mood but the girl insisted, and we ended up having sex. That's never a big deal to me, but the act was voluntary on my part. In your case you were barely functioning and she basically made you do it. That's a situation where you need to ask yourself honestly how you feel about it. If you were unwilling and feel violated, it's a problem not to be taken lightly. But if you honestly don't feel bad about it, I couldn't fault you either. My belief is that nobody should tell you how to feel about it as long as you can be honest with yourself.

 

[Kraftwerk]

That depends, did you get your dick up? If so, and pardon my ignorance, I really don't think you've been raped. You might have felt dirty and maybe violated afterwards, but in that specific moment in the heat of the moment, psychically, I wouldn't say you were raped.

But again, I might be thinking way too simple now.

This is completely wrong of course.

Get educated;

http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/1w4d7m/orgasm_and_arousal_during_rape_or_sexual_assault/

http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/193e3x/iama_sexual_assault_therapist_discussing_when/