Support NeoGAF

[SpaceBridge]

Hi neojubei,

Don't take some of the harsh words in this thread too personally. Having said that, I do agree that instead of focusing on finding a guy to be with, you should try focusing on improving yourself. Look at yourself and set yourself a goal. What do you think you can improve about yourself? If it's your physique you want to improve then go to the gym and be really good at it. I used to be really fat as a kid. Think Cartman from South Park. I hated that so I decided to lose weight. First by jogging on my own and now I've been going to the gym for almost 2 years and lose most of the weight/fat.

But you need to go to the gym not because you want to look good for others but because you want to look good for yourself. Set a goal and ask yourself how you want to look for yourself. Would you date your current self? If not, then improve yourself. Don't say "It doesn't matter, no one will like me". That's not for you to decide. That's for someone else to decide. In my case, I also once disliked how my teeth were out of line, so I decided to go and get myself braces. It was very painful but the result was worth it. My self-confidence increased and that in turn caused others to notice as well. That also means that my confidence grew because I know others noticed the change.

And even if after all of that you can't get anyone to notice you, at least you have changed. And there are other things to do in life that doesn't involve sex life or being with someone else. Focus on your career, make it as successful as it possibly can. Have fun with your friends and family. Learn to love solitude because I'm used to it for the past 20+ years of my life and sometimes I don't think it's that bad. How else do I get to play Mass Effect 2 for 120+ hours? A BF certainly wouldn't appreciate me spending that much time on a game.

To be honest, it wasn't until the last 2 or so years that I felt things started to turn around for me. I guess all of the hard work that I put in did get others to notice me. Just like you, I thought it wouldn't make much of a dent. At least, for example, I find that it's easier for me to make friends. They just go out of their way to come over and talk to me even if I don't do so. That wouldn't happen in the past when I was an overweight Cartman. Anyway, it's just my 2 cents. Focus on yourself and forget about other men. It doesn't mean you can't look at them once in a while but don't make them your focus.

ciD_Vain, what an interesting situation to be in.

Listen to this man, he's telling the truth. And he knows from experience.
Replicant, lets be friends, cuz your awesome.

 

[fernoca]

Couldn't have said it better Replicant!
But really, I couldn't. My english sucks. XD

 

[ZephyrFate]

Listen to this man, he's telling the truth. And he knows from experience.
Replicant, lets be friends, cuz your awesome.

I somehow don't think neojubei will listen to him, though.

 

[SpaceBridge]

I somehow don't think neojubei will listen to him, though.

But Replicant did say it best.

 

[umop_3pisdn]

Can you elaborate?

I just thought that your account went thought recently, and that anything interesting tends to peak earlier rather than later, likely due to newness. I have this habit of whenever I discover something new that I think is interesting, I throw myself into it so hard that all of my interest is quickly crushed under the pressure of my obsession, and it becomes 'old'. I'm sure most people do this, though likely to a lesser degree

Yeah he told me that he met a guy who he thought was straight who told him "You're fucking hot, dude." but gave no other hints at gayness (which makes think this was just a comfortable straight guy), and my bisexual friend was texting me saying, "Oh man I'm crushin' hard on this dude. I got all twitterpated when he said that, and I've been thinkin about him all day"

nothing happened from the whole thing, unfortunately, and not like it would, my bud is moving from Oregon to Florida soon so it wouldn't be worth it

Haha, aww, he just wants to be excited about something! (even though he shouldn't, lol), that's pretty funny.

Mhmm, I would agree with this, although my preference would be the other way around: someone kinda 'fem and cute and girly, but then surprise! Super hairy chest or tattoos or something unexpected like that. Unf.

A few years ago I wouldn't have anticipated my attractions going in this direction, and it's definitely been influenced by falling for personality first and realizing how wild some physical traits drive me when they come attached to that.

Weird. I'm kind of like that, which is why I think I tend to go for the inverse. I'm not sure how confident I am in describing myself, but any pursuer that I can think of offhand did so so gently that you'd almost think I was some kind of maiden or delicate flower or something, though I do nothing to disabuse them of this notion I think I tend to come across as more receptive and sympathetic than assertive and aloof, so I'm sure that's partly why. But it's kind of ironic because my interior (rather than my manner) seems to be as much the latter as it is the former, probably more so.

I know what you mean, personality traits are more profoundly sexy, I realized it in a similar way. I guess this is sort of what they say about the brain being the most significant sexual organ?

I think a lot of gay porn is boring.

I swear, enthusiasm and chemistry (or if solo, charisma) in porn seems like the most important thing. Porn is kind of boring, though, I think that's why my tastes have gradually grown more depraved.

You need to get zen. Stop wanting one so bad and it will happen. The times when people are their most attractive is when they are unavailable seeming, either because they are in a relationship, or they seem to not be desperate for one. You needy to be happy being with you before anyone else will be happy being with you.

This is true. If you're really self-content then it can even get a little annoying, because you're enjoying your present company enough that you may actually want to be left alone! I imagine if someone enjoys their own company, then other people become curious to know how enjoyable your company might be for them.

 

[The Abominable Snowman]

Everytime I come into this thread I wish I could be apart of this clique. I can be the stuck up pretty one

I'm starting the process of talking to someone... like really early. Exchanged a few texts today that confirmed the interest. Went on a few dates, but still not kissed. Next time it'll probably be on... like Donkey Kong.

However... My living situation is a bit complicated. I don't live with my family or anything... but I do wilve with a roomate. the only problem, is that he LOVES me. Like... we dated for a year. We went on and off for a while afterwards. But I cannot see myself with them. They just sent a text the other day saying how happy they are im in their life and happy theyre my roomate and hope we could be together... it's a pretty sad scenario. I really don't want to hurt their feelings, especially since we're locked in this lease for a year.

Soo... has NeoGAyF had any experience with this?

 

[Escape Goat]

Everytime I come into this thread I wish I could be apart of this clique. I can be the stuck up pretty one

I'm starting the process of talking to someone... like really early. Exchanged a few texts today that confirmed the interest. Went on a few dates, but still not kissed. Next time it'll probably be on... like Donkey Kong.

However... My living situation is a bit complicated. I don't live with my family or anything... but I do wilve with a roomate. the only problem, is that he LOVES me. Like... we dated for a year. We went on and off for a while afterwards. But I cannot see myself with them. They just sent a text the other day saying how happy they are im in their life and happy theyre my roomate and hope we could be together... it's a pretty sad scenario. I really don't want to hurt their feelings, especially since we're locked in this lease for a year.

Soo... has NeoGAyF had any experience with this?

when was the last time you did anything with the roommate? Have you made it clear you are interested in being just friends?

 

[SpaceBridge]

Everytime I come into this thread I wish I could be apart of this clique. I can be the stuck up pretty one

I'm starting the process of talking to someone... like really early. Exchanged a few texts today that confirmed the interest. Went on a few dates, but still not kissed. Next time it'll probably be on... like Donkey Kong.

However... My living situation is a bit complicated. I don't live with my family or anything... but I do wilve with a roomate. the only problem, is that he LOVES me. Like... we dated for a year. We went on and off for a while afterwards. But I cannot see myself with them. They just sent a text the other day saying how happy they are im in their life and happy theyre my roomate and hope we could be together... it's a pretty sad scenario. I really don't want to hurt their feelings, especially since we're locked in this lease for a year.

Soo... has NeoGAyF had any experience with this?

Does the guy you like have his own place. Couldnt you crash at his place on the nights your doing it like DK?

 

[Kyon]

I havetn logged on yet. Damn NeoGAF keeping me from playing my games.

Go on GAF on your PS3

 

[SpaceBridge]

Go on GAF on your PS3

We're friends now!

 

[umop_3pisdn]

Everytime I come into this thread I wish I could be apart of this clique. I can be the stuck up pretty one

I'm starting the process of talking to someone... like really early. Exchanged a few texts today that confirmed the interest. Went on a few dates, but still not kissed. Next time it'll probably be on... like Donkey Kong.

However... My living situation is a bit complicated. I don't live with my family or anything... but I do wilve with a roomate. the only problem, is that he LOVES me. Like... we dated for a year. We went on and off for a while afterwards. But I cannot see myself with them. They just sent a text the other day saying how happy they are im in their life and happy theyre my roomate and hope we could be together... it's a pretty sad scenario. I really don't want to hurt their feelings, especially since we're locked in this lease for a year.

Soo... has NeoGAyF had any experience with this?

I think this is a case where you should be the bigger person, and the way to do that is probably to (not uncaringly) leave. That kind of attachment is intense, it may seem cruel, but really the only cure is separation, and then you might actually be able to be friends (without that power imbalance), after you've both moved on and made separative lives and kind of forgot about each other a little bit. First it kind of has to die before anything else can grow there. Maybe it can seem cruel to make that decision for him, but if you genuinely have his interests at heart then you're going to broach it in a way that honors what he means to you as a friend in respect of his best interests. We can only take responsibility for ourselves, so think honestly on if you might inadvertently be giving him some 'hope'. If so, take responsibility for the influence you being in his life has. If not, I don't know, take him up to speed and then let him decide?

 

[SpaceBridge]

What do you have in mind? Does it work online?

Spoiler

I mean the game you will suggest we play on the PS3 of course.

How can we play a game on the PS3 when were not PSN buddies. :-(

 

[The Abominable Snowman]

when was the last time you did anything with the roommate? Have you made it clear you are interested in being just friends?

I moved with him in May. we last did anything even semi romantic in April (Unfortunately it was a "Lets catch up" dinner that turned into sex), thus they let me crash at their apt until I got on my feet, but that turned into moving together the next month.

Does the guy you like have his own place. Couldnt you crash at his place on the nights your doing it like DK?

Yes and no. They rather come here but they do have their own place... I think they might be a bit embarrassed of their own apt, but im not sure. I haven't seen it yet.

I think this is a case where you should be the bigger person, and the way to do that is probably to (not uncaringly) leave. That kind of attachment is intense, it may seem cruel, but really the only cure is separation, and then you might actually be able to be friends (without that power imbalance), after you've both moved on and made separative lives and kind of forgot about each other a little bit. First it kind of has to die before anything else can grow there. Maybe it can seem cruel to make that decision for him, but if you genuinely have his interests at heart then you're going to broach it in a way that honors what he means to you as a friend in respect of his best interests. We can only take responsibility for ourselves, so think honestly on if you might inadvertently be giving him some 'hope'. If so, take responsibility for the influence you being in his life has. If not, I don't know, take him up to speed and then let him decide?

that just makes me feel awful. I feel like I'm stringing them along but I really.. really dont mean to. I do love them as a friend and nothing more, but we have no connection, I feel, whatsoever. We aren't even into the same things and our convos suck. I don't even see how they could feel like we are even good together at this point. I try not to push it in his face that I'm into other people, but he really seems genuinely in love or something. I already feel bad enough his mother comes by every so often and assumes we're the ultimate couple.

 

[SpaceBridge]

I moved with him in May. we last did anything even semi romantic in April (Unfortunately it was a "Lets catch up" dinner that turned into sex), thus they let me crash at their apt until I got on my feet, but that turned into moving together the next month.

Do you have separate rooms?

 

[fernoca]

Is more than one guy? I mean by "they" coming over and "they" living in the apartment.

 

[The Abominable Snowman]

Do you have separate rooms?

yes! now we do. We transferred into a spacier apt across the street from where he used to live.

Is more than one guy? I mean by "they" coming over and "they" living in the apartment.

Remnant from the days where I used to cover up. Its just one person im interested in and just one roomate. Sorry for the confusion!

 

[fernoca]

Remnant from the days where I used to cover up. Its just one person im interested in and just one roomate. Sorry for the confusion!

Oh..hahaha. No problem.

But yeah, if anything by straight (yeah I now. ) with your roomate about things and about you going out with someone. In the end is better if he finds out by you telling him, than you randomly going out and for coincidence, he been there on that same place.

 

[umop_3pisdn]

that just makes me feel awful. I feel like I'm stringing them along but I really.. really dont mean to. I do love them as a friend and nothing more, but we have no connection, I feel, whatsoever. We aren't even into the same things and our convos suck. I don't even see how they could feel like we are even good together at this point. I try not to push it in his face that I'm into other people, but he really seems genuinely in love or something. I already feel bad enough his mother comes by every so often and assumes we're the ultimate couple.

I know, I don't blame you for not wanting to do it. It just seems like he won't, and so it seems like the 'right' thing to do. I mean, morals are subjective, but that's what mine say, and though I'd be inclined to go against that, I think in the end the most 'moral' choice is the one I can best abide by long term (otherwise I'll probably just replay my 'blunder' over and over in my memory, lol). So personally speaking this is advice for me as much as it is for anyone: if we worry about making too much of a mess in necessarily hurting someone, that is a kind of cowardice. Feelings are messy, sometimes we have to be courageous for the sake of others, as nice as that all sounds...

And with you being relatively more aloof to the situation, it's probably easier for you to be the stronger person... just like it's easier for me to say all of these things knowing that I don't have to do them It's inevitable, though, I'm sure you both must know that on some level. But one of you will have to make the move, and it doesn't sound like it will be him.

If you respect someone, they deserve the truth, even if they seem intent on not having it. It's a short term pain but it's more respectful of both of your persons in the long term. You're probably more likely to have him as an honest friend or general well-wisher in the future if you respectfully leave him.

edit:

I know what you mean about people seeing all this potential where there is apparently none. I think some people are more likely to find solace in others, and those sorts of people are perhaps easier to please. If it's an addiction of sorts especially, it's incredibly easy to be deluded about I'm sure. I don't want to use the word desperate but I think it's not unrelated.

 

[The Abominable Snowman]

Oh..hahaha. No problem.

But yeah, if anything by straight (yeah I now. ) with your roomate about things and about you going out with someone. In the end is better if he finds out by you telling him, than you randomly going out and for coincidence, he been there on that same place.

I'll do it when things become more serious. In the meantime I just got this text *verbatim*

"Heyyyy you really should come see me in my room when u get free, if u not to tired. i just want to hold in my arms"

now I gotta pretend to be sleep -_-

I need a reality show. On Bravo (Not Logo)

I know, I don't blame you for not wanting to do it. It just seems like he won't, and so it seems like the 'right' thing to do. I mean, morals are subjective, but that's what mine say, and though I'd be inclined to go against that, I think in the end the most 'moral' choice is the one I can best abide by long term (otherwise I'll probably just replay my 'blunder' over and over in my memory, lol). So personally speaking this is advice for me as much as it is for anyone: if we worry about making too much of a mess in necessarily hurting someone, that is a kind of cowardice. Feelings are messy, sometimes we have to be courageous for the sake of others. As nice as that all sounds...

And with you being relatively more aloof to the situation, it's probably easier for you to be the stronger person... just like it's easier for me to say all of these things knowing that I don't have to do them It's inevitable, though, I'm sure you both must know that on some level. But one of you will have to make the move, and it doesn't sound like it will be him.

If you respect someone, they deserve the truth, even if they seem intent on not having it. It's a short term pain but it's more respectful of both of your persons in the long term. You're probably more likely to have him as an honest friend or general well-wisher in the future if you respectfully leave him.

Its much easier said than done. I kind of fear living with someone who resents me because I don't reciprocate their feelings or something similarly stupid. We can go all day about the morality but in the end it just makes me feel even worse. I have to put up with seeing their facebook statuses all about me and their mother's discerning looks. It's just a horrible, horrible situation I wish I never put myself in.

 

[fernoca]

I'll do it when things become more serious. In the meantime I just got this text *verbatim*

"Heyyyy you really should come see me in my room when u get free, if u not to tired. i just want to hold in my arms"

now I gotta pretend to be sleep -_-

I need a reality show. On Bravo (Not Logo)

That was from your roomate? :O


EDIT:
And ciD's party started half an hour ago!! :O!!!

 

[SpaceBridge]

I'll do it when things become more serious. In the meantime I just got this text *verbatim*

"Heyyyy you really should come see me in my room when u get free, if u not to tired. i just want to hold in my arms"

now I gotta pretend to be sleep -_-

I need a reality show. On Bravo (Not Logo)

This does not sound like a healthy relationship at all. How about instead you pretending your asleep, you tell him no, you dont want to cuddle.

 

[xelios]

Ergh that's disturbing. Didn't need to read that before bed, now my mind is going to be too troubled to sleep.

 

[SpaceBridge]

Ergh that's disturbing. Didn't need to read that before bed, now my mind is going to be too troubled to sleep.

lol...xelios.

 

[royalan]

Everytime I come into this thread I wish I could be apart of this clique. I can be the stuck up pretty one

I'm starting the process of talking to someone... like really early. Exchanged a few texts today that confirmed the interest. Went on a few dates, but still not kissed. Next time it'll probably be on... like Donkey Kong.

However... My living situation is a bit complicated. I don't live with my family or anything... but I do wilve with a roomate. the only problem, is that he LOVES me. Like... we dated for a year. We went on and off for a while afterwards. But I cannot see myself with them. They just sent a text the other day saying how happy they are im in their life and happy theyre my roomate and hope we could be together... it's a pretty sad scenario. I really don't want to hurt their feelings, especially since we're locked in this lease for a year.

Soo... has NeoGAyF had any experience with this?

It's not impossible to live with an ex -- My current roommate is a friend that I've known for about 8 years now (met in college). We dated briefly when we first met, but it naturally dissolved into what is now a very close but platonic friendship, which is why it works.

But in situations like yours, where emotions are still running high, living together and trying to pursue a separate romantic life can only lead to problems, or at least a ton of resentment that could keep you and your roommate from having a good post-relationship friendship.

If I were you, I would be open but respectful about it. Don't try to hide the fact that you're seeing other guys, because that'll only cause problems in the long run. Let your roommate know that you care about his feelings but you're still moving on. Also, don't flaunt the fact that you're seeing other guys. It's a two-way street, and you entered into a living situation with him knowing that he still cares for you...so show that you really do care about him by not letting the new guy overstep his bounds in your mutual living space. Don't have guys practically living out of the house you share.

If you're a gentleman about it, you may notice that he eventually gets used to the idea of you seeing other guys and gets over it. Or he may not, in which case you respectfully find other living arrangements when your lease is up.

EDIT: Noticed the extra details you gave while I was writing this and I have to ask: Have you made-out/cuddled/fucked your ex since the two of you have lived together as exes?

 

[Escape Goat]

I'll do it when things become more serious. In the meantime I just got this text *verbatim*

"Heyyyy you really should come see me in my room when u get free, if u not to tired. i just want to hold in my arms"

now I gotta pretend to be sleep -_-

I need a reality show. On Bravo (Not Logo)



Its much easier said than done. I kind of fear living with someone who resents me because I don't reciprocate their feelings or something similarly stupid. We can go all day about the morality but in the end it just makes me feel even worse. I have to put up with seeing their facebook statuses all about me and their mother's discerning looks. It's just a horrible, horrible situation I wish I never put myself in.

Talk to him and tell him you just want to be friends. DON'T cuddle, kiss or do anything you wouldn't do with your other friends. Let him know what you want and establish boundaries. After that it really shouldn't be your problem if you want to bring a guy over.

Unless you aren't paying rent then I'd recommend finding a new place to stay. But it sounds like you really need to get away from this guy and find a new place to live. Don't burn any bridges, don't piss him off until you are living independently.

 

[SpaceBridge]

Talk to him and tell him you just want to be friends. DON'T cuddle, kiss or do anything you wouldn't do with your other friends. Let him know what you want and establish boundaries. After that it really shouldn't be your problem if you want to bring a guy over.

Unless you aren't paying rent then I'd recommend finding a new place to stay. But it sounds like you really need to get away from this guy and find a new place to live. Don't burn any bridges, don't piss him off until you are living independently.

This. He said though they they have both signed the lease on their place, so hes should be paying rent.

 

[xelios]

Yes, don't crush him 'til you're done using him. smfh.

This. He said though they they have both signed the lease on their place, so hes should be paying rent.

Uh huh. There's more reason for not telling someone to back off for months while you live with them than not wanting to hurt their feelings. Not really buying that he isn't getting something out of it.

 

[Escape Goat]

Yes, don't crush him 'til you're done using him. smfh.

Who said anything about "crushing" him? If he isn't on the lease then its a good idea not to create a situation where he has nowhere to live. If the roommate takes badly to being friends then you ought to have a backup plan.

 

[umop_3pisdn]

Its much easier said than done. I kind of fear living with someone who resents me because I don't reciprocate their feelings or something similarly stupid. We can go all day about the morality but in the end it just makes me feel even worse. I have to put up with seeing their facebook statuses all about me and their mother's discerning looks. It's just a horrible, horrible situation I wish I never put myself in.

Of course, but that's kind of why I think it's best to leave (and filter his facebook updates). This is a dead end, it's going to cause pain eventually, this just seems like the more drawn out way. I suppose the lease, but if there was a way out of it I might look into it.

Really I'm just trying to give the kind of advice that I would want to get. I don't necessarily think that you should do anything that I say, if I try to present my point in a strong way it's really only for the sake of rhetoric or persuasion Really it's only something to consider, but personally I would give it some thought.

 

[The Abominable Snowman]

It's not impossible to live with an ex -- My current roommate is a friend that I've known for about 8 years now (met in college). We dated briefly when we first met, but it naturally dissolved into what is now a very close but platonic friendship, which is why it works.

But in situations like yours, where emotions are still running high, living together and trying to pursue a separate romantic life can only lead to problems, or at least a ton of resentment that could keep you and your roommate from having a good post-relationship friendship.

If I were you, I would be open but respectful about it. Don't try to hide the fact that you're seeing other guys, because that'll only cause problems in the long run. Let your roommate know that you care about his feelings but you're still moving on. Also, don't flaunt the fact that you're seeing other guys. It's a two-way street, and you entered into a living situation with him knowing that he still cares for you...so show that you really do care about him by not letting the new guy overstep his bounds in your mutual living space. Don't have guys practically living out of the house you share.

If you're a gentleman about it, you may notice that he eventually gets used to the idea of you seeing other guys and gets over it. Or he may not, in which case you respectfully find other living arrangements when your lease is up.

EDIT: Noticed the extra details you gave while I was writing this and I have to ask: Have you made-out/cuddled/fucked your ex since the two of you have lived together as exes?

Thank you for the insight man! Never would I imagine that there are pretty cool people in here.

And honestly to my recollection the most we ever did was a cuddle in May, for like a few days in the first week of me being there. Nothing since.

 

[royalan]

Uh huh. There's more reason for not telling someone to back off for months while you live with them than not wanting to hurt their feelings. Not really buying that he isn't getting something out of it.

It could be that he doesn't like confrontation.

It could be that genuinely doesn't want to hurt the guy's feelings and just doesn't know how to go about breaking it to him.

...He could even subconsciously like the attention and just doesn't know how to wean himself off it. I know a couple of guys who lived with exes who fell into this very same pit...though they'd never admit. Living with a frisky ex who's still into you must be rather convenient.

But I don't necessarily think he's getting something out of it...unless his situation is that last point I mentioned...in which case he is...I dunno...

 

[xelios]

Who said anything about "crushing" him? If he isn't on the lease then its a good idea not to create a situation where he has nowhere to live. If the roommate takes badly to being friends then you ought to have a backup plan.

especially since we're locked in this lease for a year.

If he's on the lease then he's protected, but yeah, that's what I'm thinking too.

If what he says is true we all know it will crush the dude and he's just dragging it out while the guy's in love with him. So as I said.

 

[fernoca]

EDIT: Noticed the extra details you gave while I was writing this and I have to ask: Have you made-out/cuddled/fucked your ex since the two of you have lived together as exes?

Wondering this too. If the relationship "ended" already, why the fear of possible backlash from other friends/family for moving on and meeting someone else. Is like noone else knows they're no longer in a relationship.

Where "things" done that led his roomate on about possibilities of returning together?

 

[The Abominable Snowman]

It could be that he doesn't like confrontation.

It could be that genuinely doesn't want to hurt the guy's feelings and just doesn't know how to go about breaking it to him.

...He could even subconsciously like the attention and just doesn't know how to wean himself off it. I know a couple of guys who lived with exes who fell into this very same pit...though they'd never admit. Living with a frisky ex who's still into you must be rather convenient.

But I don't necessarily think he's getting something out of it...unless his situation is that last point I mentioned...in which case he is...I dunno...

The first two points are dead on! The new guy I got my eye on totally gives me all the attention I need, so thats definitely not it, and before this I felt totally at peace being single. I've no real desire for him physically, sad as it is to say.

Well, I feel quite horrible about the situation.

Wondering this too. If the relationship "ended" already, why the fear of possible backlash from other friends/family for moving on and meeting someone else. Is like noone else knows they're no longer in a relationship.

Where "things" done that led his roomate on about possibilities of returning together?

Honestly, I can say that there hasnt even been a kiss since our fling in April. I cuddled maybe 2 or 3 times, but I hate cuddling because I cant sleep well. I'm not very fun I know.

Its just weird because from time to time we'd have a good conversation, and a hour or two later I'd get a long 2 or 3 page text from them telling me how great our convo was, even though I'm like 10 feet away from him at most. I don't like making people feel bad, and i feel like I'm just torturing him...

 

[SpaceBridge]

The first two points are dead on! The new guy I got my eye on totally gives me all the attention I need, so thats definitely not it, and before this I felt totally at peace being single. I've no real desire for him physically, sad as it is to say.

Well, I feel quite horrible about the situation.


Honestly, I can say that there hasnt even been a kiss since our fling in April. I cuddled maybe 2 or 3 times, but I hate cuddling because I cant sleep well. I'm not very fun I know.

Its just weird because from time to time we'd have a good conversation, and a hour or two later I'd get a long 2 or 3 page text from them telling me how great our convo was, even though I'm like 10 feet away from him at most. I don't like making people feel bad, and i feel like I'm just torturing him...

But youre 10 feet away from him, and you cant be honest and straightforward? How do you respond then to his texts?

 

[Escape Goat]

The first two points are dead on! The new guy I got my eye on totally gives me all the attention I need, so thats definitely not it, and before this I felt totally at peace being single. I've no real desire for him physically, sad as it is to say.

Well, I feel quite horrible about the situation.


Honestly, I can say that there hasnt even been a kiss since our fling in April. I cuddled maybe 2 or 3 times, but I hate cuddling because I cant sleep well. I'm not very fun I know.

Its just weird because from time to time we'd have a good conversation, and a hour or two later I'd get a long 2 or 3 page text from them telling me how great our convo was, even though I'm like 10 feet away from him at most. I don't like making people feel bad, and i feel like I'm just torturing him...

You just need to be direct with him and tell him what you want. You're both grown ups and it'll save you both a lot of time and energy in the long run if you're just honest. The worst thing you can do is to not address it at all and continue to allow him to think these texts are acceptable in a friendship.

 

[fernoca]

Honestly, I can say that there hasnt even been a kiss since our fling in April. I cuddled maybe 2 or 3 times, but I hate cuddling because I cant sleep well. I'm not very fun I know.

Its just weird because from time to time we'd have a good conversation, and a hour or two later I'd get a long 2 or 3 page text from them telling me how great our convo was, even though I'm like 10 feet away from him at most. I don't like making people feel bad, and i feel like I'm just torturing him...

Yeah, sorry... noticed your response earlier. Was going to add this as an edit...

EDIT:
Oh, cuddled during May...hmm..
That might've given some "expectations". I mean, cuddling is not bad, cuddling is awesome; but sadly many gay men in this "community" see "cuddling" as one of the ultimate ways of showing affection and caring for others. Similar reason why some guys when it comes to dating, sex, online webites make sure to specify: "no cuddling".

So yep, you need to be clear with him. Either if things are serious with the other guy or not. Because even if they're not serious now, they might be later with this or another guy. And the more time passes, the more "weird" things might get.

That way you won't feel as you're torturing him; neither feel bad when you go out with someone else.

 

[xelios]

Well, I feel quite horrible about the situation.


Honestly, I can say that there hasnt even been a kiss since our fling in April. I cuddled maybe 2 or 3 times, but I hate cuddling because I cant sleep well. I'm not very fun I know.

Its just weird because from time to time we'd have a good conversation, and a hour or two later I'd get a long 2 or 3 page text from them telling me how great our convo was, even though I'm like 10 feet away from him at most. I don't like making people feel bad, and i feel like I'm just torturing him...

If you felt horrible you wouldn't be posting his text pining over you as if it were a badge of honor; it's humiliating and uncomfortable to even read in light of the circumstances.

And who the hell says, "Come see me in my room I want to hold you in my arms," 3 months after the last time you cuddled or showed any interest. Someone who's being strung along, duh.

This is like the first 10 minutes of Memento; my mind is full of fuck from the missing pieces but I think I've got the gist of it.

Just break his heart already.

 

[The Abominable Snowman]

Thanks guys! Guess I'll cook breakfast tomorrow, and prepare a talk... or Lunch if they go to church tomorrow.

I'm gonna read back through this thread. So many interesting topics <3

If you felt horrible you wouldn't be posting his text pining over you as if it were a badge of honor; it's humiliating and uncomfortable to even read in light of the circumstances.

And who the hell says, "Come see me in my room I want to hold you in my arms," 3 months after the last time you cuddled or showed any interest. Someone who's being strung along, duh.

This is like the first 10 minutes of Memento; my mind is full of fuck from the missing pieces but I think I've got the gist of it.

Just break his heart already.

I know it seems common sense or something to just come out and tell him... but it's not. I derive no joy in all this. The convos and whatnot I guess give him a false impression, but honestly I dont know how. We talk about general things. I'm almost as lost as you are in this situation.

 

[fernoca]

Thanks guys! Guess I'll cook breakfast tomorrow, and prepare a talk... or Lunch if they go to church tomorrow.

I'm gonna read back through this thread. So many interesting topics <3

Just keep your mind clear. You might get memories and feelings, which is normal. And in the end, you're telling him because you care for him; so make sure to remind him that. The relationship ended, but the friendship continues.

 

[royalan]

I mean, cuddling is not bad, cuddling is awesome; but sadly many gay men in this "community" see "cuddling" as one of the ultimate ways of showing affection and caring for others

LOL - You say that as if cuddling is some completely platonic thing. I know I couldn't just cuddle with someone...especially by the time morning hit. (eh? eeehhh? )

Thanks guys! Guess I'll cook breakfast tomorrow, and prepare a talk... or Lunch if they go to church tomorrow.

I'm gonna read back through this thread. So many interesting topics <3

I think that's the best idea. It doesn't have to be the most dramatic thing. You're not dying or anything. Just casually inform him - and emphasize that you do care about him, as a friend, and you're going to do whatever you can to not make it uncomfortable for him. But you are moving on.

So often these things fall apart because the person moving on doesn't have the balls to acknowledge the other person's feelings and the role that they, themselves, played. They have random guys coming in and out of the house, and generally just neglect the feelings of the person they have to live with. I have a friend who was in a similar situation that ultimately ended in violence. Long-story-short, he came home to find his roommate/ex-he-still-had-feelings-for fucking some random guy on his bed. The excuse given was that it was a spur-of-the-moment thing and his own room was dirty. My friend then proceeded to scream at the both of them and, at some point, throw a coffee mug at his roommate's head. Gave him a concussion.

So, yeah, avoid that and you should be fine. lol

 

[fernoca]

LOL - You say that as if cuddling is some completely platonic thing. I know I couldn't just cuddle with someone...especially by the time morning hit. (eh? eeehhh? )

Hahaha.. XD
But yeah, some guys are like that; sadly.
Reminds me of the movie 'The Big Gay Musical'. The main character meets this other guy, everything's fine; they had sex and he decides to cuddle with him and the other's guy like "WTF dude, I dont' do that..that's too personal"..and the main charatcer says something like "lol... what? you saw my asshole and can't cuddle because is "too personal"?"..XD

 

[ciD_Vain]

gjys i'm fuckin drunk it'sonly 1230 in the morning but it's the best night ever. i'm really happy my friends came over to celebrate me getting my bachelor's. i just wanted to update you guys. the coworker isn't here, i don't think he's coming, i don't think he's sleeping over. my best friend isn't upset either. i'm not upset though i'm glad to see all my friends, but the night will only get better if you know who ends up showing up. we''ll see

 

[Escape Goat]

gjys i'm fuckin drunk it'sonly 1230 in the morning but it's the best night ever. i'm really happy my friends came over to celebrate me getting my bachelor's. i just wanted to update you guys. the coworker isn't here, i don't think he's coming, i don't think he's sleeping over. my best friend isn't upset either. i'm not upset though i'm glad to see all my friends, but the night will only get better if you know who ends up showing up. we''ll see

 

[Vazra]

Well let me add in my drama I guess.

Recently I met this guy which we both get along and we like each other. We act like a couple talking sweet stuff and pretty much no boundaries in terms of conversations.I like him and he likes me and everything seemed to go pretty good so far.

Or so it was...

I have one friend which we have been talking for a long time and while I liked him he didn't showed any signs of liking me more than a friend. Yesterday at night we spent the night talking a lot of things and then he starts getting flirty. (thing he has never done before) Most of the conversation turned into a flirtfest from his side and me being blushed and If you haven't noticed to where this is going... I'm getting confused.

I like both guys and I don't wanna hurt any of them in the long run. I'm not that worried about my friend since I think he can handle me being with someone else or asking for time to think things (hell he was there during my breakup) but I'm not so sure how would the new guy feel if I ask him for some time to think things or if I go with my friend.


I clearly believe that I should tell them both to give me some time and explain the situation but I believe there will be drama from one of them even if its a little.

What to do? :/

 

[Escape Goat]

Are these friends or "friends"?

Its not like you married either one of them. You've made no commitments. See where things go for now.

 

[The Abominable Snowman]

What I'd do is take it SLOW with both of them, until you know what you want to do. Don't do anything and dont explain the WHOLE situation, but tell them you aren't looking to jump into a relationship until you know they're right.

It's gonna be hard for you to balance both guys. You dont have a guy you prefer?

 

[Vazra]

One is friend the other one is a friend who was showing interest in being more than friends since the very beginning I guess.

I do get along pretty well with both and I really would like to not hurt any of them. Obviously my friend has been there for me for some rough times while the new friend is recent (about a week)

Now I kinda feel like a slut even if I'm not into a relationship or something clear.

>_<

Edit: I do like more the friend I know more but I dont want to jump fast the bandwagon. I'll guess I'll talk with them and take my time to think.

 

[red13th]

This thread moves too fast, I can't keep up. LOL.

I'm not home SpaceBridge I'll send you the PM later today.

 

[Erebus]

Sorry SpaceBridge, I fell asleep last night and never sent you that PSN friend request. Next time I'm on my PS3, I'll make sure you get one.

Also, I'm confused with ciD_Vain's situation. Did he sleep with the guy he wanted all along or not?