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[sooperkool]

here's the abridged version since I don't have my laptop hooked up yet and I'm on phone.


she lied about the guys name again until I told her I knew his name.

she said she lied cause its her boss and she didn't want me to spy on him,but it was OK if I spied on the other dude at her work that she told me she was talking to.


she says she doesn't know if she can handle me spying on her again.

the only thing she can say is that they "just bullshit and text about weight loss"

even though she sits only feet away from her boss at work so apparently the time they work together isn't enough time to bullshit.

she kept saying nothings going on


she kept pounding me about spying


she says the reason thy talked so might before she went walking was to get tips in where to
walk

at one point she said "at least I'm putting thw unlimited messaging to use"

not once did she ofer to show me the texts to proce nothing was going on

she doesn't know what she wants to do right now


I said we should be apart for a week to fogure it out, so no contact till Sunday

I stopped over my house after she left to put the dogs out yesterday....didn't wear rings to work again.

Dude,


Stop asking questions. Stop torturing yourself. make absolutely no judgements and take the week off. Do everything BUT talk to her and about this situation and clear your head. After that then approach her about what's really going on and your future direction. The time apart isn't just about her getting her head together but about you getting yours together as well. You need to make rational decisions with as little extra emotion as possible.

<=---- Divorced older guy, who's been there.

 

[zatara]

it's tough. I would ask her if she still loves you. if you can't get a straight answer, or she says I don't know, some time apart may be a good thing. If she says that she doesn't, start the recovery process pronto.

protect yourself. I just went through this is August. Although it was a totally different set of circumstances and it was mutual (we grew apart gradually over 12 years), the death of a relationship is still a death. where there used to be 2 there is now 1. you are number one now. grieve, process the emotions and lean on your support systems like never before. good luck. I promise you it gets better.

thanks...the thing that is hitting me the most is not having a home of my own. and not having anyone to come home to. I thought I would be crying over her during this time..but I haven't.

 

[zatara]

Dude,


Stop asking questions. Stop torturing yourself. make absolutely no judgements and take the week off. Do everything BUT talk to her and about this situation and clear your head. After that then approach her about what's really going on and your future direction. The time apart isn't just about her getting her head together but about you getting yours together as well. You need to make rational decisions with as little extra emotion as possible.

<=---- Divorced older guy, who's been there.

that's exactly what I'm doing....I wanna see where my feelings are for her at the end of this week.

I'm happy with myself that I haven't had an urge to contact her. I'm taking it better than I thought

 

[Boozeroony]

Dude,


Stop asking questions. Stop torturing yourself. make absolutely no judgements and take the week off. Do everything BUT talk to her and about this situation and clear your head. After that then approach her about what's really going on and your future direction. The time apart isn't just about her getting her head together but about you getting yours together as well. You need to make rational decisions with as little extra emotion as possible.

<=---- Divorced older guy, who's been there.

I agree. Be the better person and GTFO.

 

[dreadfulwater]

Dude,


Stop asking questions. Stop torturing yourself. make absolutely no judgements and take the week off. Do everything BUT talk to her and about this situation and clear your head. After that then approach her about what's really going on and your future direction. The time apart isn't just about her getting her head together but about you getting yours together as well. You need to make rational decisions with as little extra emotion as possible.

<=---- Divorced older guy, who's been there.

high five divorced older guy!!!

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

That woman sounds like a teenager who's been caught out by her parent or something, oh man. I feel for you. Constantly lying, making lame excuses... I'm in no position to offer advice, but I honestly believe you would be so much happier with someone else. I agree with the post saying stop torturing yourself! Its not all about her, its about how YOU feel now, to hell with what she thinks. After Christmas and this other dude moves on to another woman in the office, I hope you don't take her back.

 

[Minamu]

I'm not gonna mince any words but she sounds like a complete douchebag, I'm sorry to say Good luck zatara

 

[Mr.City]

A question.

How did any of you get out of the hole of depression and thinking "why bother?" when feeling that there was no point in trying to pursue relationships. If you were ever in such a position to begin with of course


...


Right now, I'm stuck with practically zero motivation. I know (but constantly have to remind myself) that motivation isn't something that will come from an outside source, but from within.

I look at the mountain I have to climb, and I keep seeing myself climb up a little, then fall back downhill to the bottom. Most normal people have already reached the higher plateaus and I'm facing a climb that seems insurmountable, especially at my age.

It's so frustrating, on the one hand, my mind is screaming at how depressing my life situation is, and how it needs to be changed. On the other, it looks at the mountain I have to climb to make any progress and says "nope".

The real issue is the inability of identifying what motivates you and the lack of mental toughness. To be honest, a lot of this sounds like children act ( I do tutoring and volunteer work) A child acts off whatever gives him pleasure (Food, games, etc,) while an adult does things that he or she knows they must do, like going work, mortgage, etc. Right now, you see nothing in the outside world and you want markers of progress to believe "you're doing it right." You want to begin an inner journey and want it all to be one steady incline into the heavens, no low points, no missed turns. You're not going to get that; no one gets that.

 

[Cubsfan23]

Telling people with clinical depression to just realize their brain is tricking them is not just dangerous it's stupid. You clearly have no understanding of how depression actually works and you shouldn't be giving advice to people who are actually suffering from it.

the vast majority of depression patients aren't "clinical", it's a temporary rut, that can last longer than it should, if you let it.

 

[GiJoccin]

the vast majority of depression patients aren't "clinical", it's a temporary rut, that can last longer than it should, if you let it.

not many major depression patients are depressed for a long time necessarily, but that doesn't mean they're not "clinical" either. temporary rut =/= depression, dude. saying it's a problem that you "let" happen to yourself is pretty ignorant also.

 

[Mully]

the vast majority of depression patients aren't "clinical", it's a temporary rut, that can last longer than it should, if you let it.

Sorry for the thread derail, but there are a ton of reasons as to why people are depressed. For me, there was no real reason when I was diagnosed with Post Concussive Syndrome. It just happens that severe depression comes along with the disease. People don't make it last longer than it should, a lot of times patients with depression have chemical imbalances created after a traumatic event. Sure they could have tried to get themselves out of it, but when the body has altered the production of serotonin, a person is no longer in a temporary rut.

Back on topic.

So this past weekend I was hanging out with some old friends, and I met a few girls that were all extremely cute. I'm not trying to sound egotistical or arrogant, but I over heard them saying how cute I was to one of my good girlfriends and all three of them were flirting with me the rest of the night. I didn't do anything with anyone of them though.

If you haven't seen my bratty posts about my ex and our break up a month ago, basically we broke up because of my drinking habits. She wants to talk around Thanksgiving. I've improved myself for me, and I'd really like her back. I really wanted to get with one of the girls in particular, but I feel like I could possibly have screwed up my relationship with my ex if I did.

Did I do the right thing by not hooking up with anyone of these girls?

 

[FallingEdge]

How do you feel about it? Do you think you did the right thing?

 

[Mully]

How do you feel about it? Do you think you did the right thing?

I kind of do. It was a very serious relationship and we're supposed to talk in a few days. The last thing I want to do is upset her by saying I've been going from girl to girl after the breakup. I was with her for a very long time and we were talked about spending the rest of our lives together for atleast a year. It was a very compassionate relationship with very little in the way of conflict. It sucked that it ended the way it did (Me being drunk over the phone and yelling), but I've learned from it, and I'd like to see if she wants to try again, or at least start talking to me on a regular basis again. I've grown a lot from the breakup but she still means a lot to me.

 

[TheSchwab_7]

So I had a pretty interesting past couple of days. As some of you may know my girlfriend broke up with me, but here's what happened the past couple of days.

I was walking to the rec to workout and I walk past my ex. We talked and she looked like she was unhappy and generally just didn't look like she was having a great day. I acted cool and said things were going good for me. Prior to this I found out she was dating some guy who was "just a friend" less than two weeks after she dumped me. So I ask her if she's dating an idiot or if she lied to me because she told me that he was an idiot and she confirmed that he was an idiot. She tells me that she loves me and misses me.

So we walked and talked normally and she mentioned that we should go for a walk sometime. I was like sure and she said that Monday night would be good if she could get her homework home. So I go down to her dorm at 7:30 and text her that I'm here. She says that she can't. I ask if I can see her for a minute and she says she's busy. So I'm like, you'u were telling me you love me and care about me and you wont give me a minute of your time? she responds with .....

Then that night she texts me saying that she doesn't love me anymore.

So, Tuesday morning I'm thinking to myself, I've had enough of the games, so I go to her dorm and she won't talk to me. I tell her that loving me and dating someone else isn't fair to anyone. She shuts the door on me and I'm like if you ever cared you'd let me get my closure. She texts her boyfriend up and he acts like he's a boss. He calls me a fucking asshole and a manipulator right off the bat. Tells me that I have been stalking her, which before Monday I hadn't said a word to her in a week. I wanted to beat the living shit out of the punk, but I'm not someone who fights. He tells me that he's met her parents already, after 3 days of dating, which seems fishy to me since that must have meant they were doing stuff behind my back. He tells me that she's into writing music and dancing now, so I told him that she's into that because she doesn't have any of her own interests (she told me this). He then decided to touch my chest and back off while I was talking to him. He's like wanna go? I'm like I'm not in high school buddy and then he calls me a fucking pussy for not fighting him. So, I'm like you don't deserve my time since I'm better than this and he wants me to give him reasons why. I tell him off while I'm in the elevator and he tries to open the doors while they were shutting.

Soooo....fuck them all. She's a bitch and a whore and I'm done with her shit. Miss her to death though which sucks. I don't know how you can completely change on a best friend and someone you "love".

 

[Count Dookkake]

So I had a pretty interesting past couple of days. As some of you may know my girlfriend broke up with me, but here's what happened the past couple of days.

I was walking to the rec to workout and I walk past my ex. We talked and she looked like she was unhappy and generally just didn't look like she was having a great day. I acted cool and said things were going good for me. Prior to this I found out she was dating some guy who was "just a friend" less than two weeks after she dumped me. So I ask her if she's dating an idiot or if she lied to me because she told me that he was an idiot and she confirmed that he was an idiot. She tells me that she loves me and misses me.

So we walked and talked normally and she mentioned that we should go for a walk sometime. I was like sure and she said that Monday night would be good if she could get her homework home. So I go down to her dorm at 7:30 and text her that I'm here. She says that she can't. I ask if I can see her for a minute and she says she's busy. So I'm like, you'u were telling me you love me and care about me and you wont give me a minute of your time? she responds with .....

Then that night she texts me saying that she doesn't love me anymore.

So, Tuesday morning I'm thinking to myself, I've had enough of the games, so I go to her dorm and she won't talk to me. I tell her that loving me and dating someone else isn't fair to anyone. She shuts the door on me and I'm like if you ever cared you'd let me get my closure. She texts her boyfriend up and he acts like he's a boss. He calls me a fucking asshole and a manipulator right off the bat. Tells me that I have been stalking her, which before Monday I hadn't said a word to her in a week. I wanted to beat the living shit out of the punk, but I'm not someone who fights. He tells me that he's met her parents already, after 3 days of dating, which seems fishy to me since that must have meant they were doing stuff behind my back. He tells me that she's into writing music and dancing now, so I told him that she's into that because she doesn't have any of her own interests (she told me this). He then decided to touch my chest and back off while I was talking to him. He's like wanna go? I'm like I'm not in high school buddy and then he calls me a fucking pussy for not fighting him. So, I'm like you don't deserve my time since I'm better than this and he wants me to give him reasons why. I tell him off while I'm in the elevator and he tries to open the doors while they were shutting.

Soooo....fuck them all. She's a bitch and a whore and I'm done with her shit. Miss her to death though which sucks. I don't know how you can completely change on a best friend and someone you "love".

Bolded is contradictory.

 

[TheSchwab_7]

Bolded is contradictory.

Yeah...My goal was to be like you either love me or you don't so what is it. Actions speak louder than words though.

 

[lawlohwhat]

text

She sounds like she's a typical teenage girl, dude. She doesn't know what she wants. It's probably not you and it's definitely not this prick she's seeing now. Interacting with her sounds like it will lead to both of you acting like children. Be better than that.

 

[Mully]

It sounds like this girl was totally not worth it from the start. How long were you with her?

 

[soundahfekz]

So I had a pretty interesting past couple of days. As some of you may know my girlfriend broke up with me, but here's what happened the past couple of days.

I was walking to the rec to workout and I walk past my ex. We talked and she looked like she was unhappy and generally just didn't look like she was having a great day. I acted cool and said things were going good for me. Prior to this I found out she was dating some guy who was "just a friend" less than two weeks after she dumped me. So I ask her if she's dating an idiot or if she lied to me because she told me that he was an idiot and she confirmed that he was an idiot. She tells me that she loves me and misses me.

So we walked and talked normally and she mentioned that we should go for a walk sometime. I was like sure and she said that Monday night would be good if she could get her homework home. So I go down to her dorm at 7:30 and text her that I'm here. She says that she can't. I ask if I can see her for a minute and she says she's busy. So I'm like, you'u were telling me you love me and care about me and you wont give me a minute of your time? she responds with .....

Then that night she texts me saying that she doesn't love me anymore.

So, Tuesday morning I'm thinking to myself, I've had enough of the games, so I go to her dorm and she won't talk to me. I tell her that loving me and dating someone else isn't fair to anyone. She shuts the door on me and I'm like if you ever cared you'd let me get my closure. She texts her boyfriend up and he acts like he's a boss. He calls me a fucking asshole and a manipulator right off the bat. Tells me that I have been stalking her, which before Monday I hadn't said a word to her in a week. I wanted to beat the living shit out of the punk, but I'm not someone who fights. He tells me that he's met her parents already, after 3 days of dating, which seems fishy to me since that must have meant they were doing stuff behind my back. He tells me that she's into writing music and dancing now, so I told him that she's into that because she doesn't have any of her own interests (she told me this). He then decided to touch my chest and back off while I was talking to him. He's like wanna go? I'm like I'm not in high school buddy and then he calls me a fucking pussy for not fighting him. So, I'm like you don't deserve my time since I'm better than this and he wants me to give him reasons why. I tell him off while I'm in the elevator and he tries to open the doors while they were shutting.

Soooo....fuck them all. She's a bitch and a whore and I'm done with her shit. Miss her to death though which sucks. I don't know how you can completely change on a best friend and someone you "love".

You gotta know the game, man.

If it didn't work out in the first place and you knew how she was, what made you think she was going to change? The "I love you" thing was just a heat check for her ego, in which you probably could have (had you wanted to of course) gotten some "I hate you, you evil bitch" sex out of it, but because you jumped on it as if you'd been waiting since your breakup for that moment to occur, her interest dropped immediately.

I ignored my ex's texts, phone calls and even showing up at my door step for 6 months straight. When I finally did decide to hang out with her (and nothing more beyond that) it was on my terms when I felt like it, as her nonsense caused me to break up with her, not the other way around.

I definitely don't recommend doing the above for anyone who's struggling with getting over an ex, or would accept their ex back with open arms. It's best to employ self restraint if you know inhibition is out the window whenever possible.

 

[TheSchwab_7]

13 months. We clicked right off the bat and were just really compatible.

 

[TheSchwab_7]

You gotta know the game, man.

If it didn't work out in the first place and you knew how she was, what made you think she was going to change? The "I love you" thing was just a heat check for her ego, in which you probably (had you wanted to of course) gotten some "I hate you, you evil bitch" sex out of it, but because you jumped on it as if you'd be waiting since your breakup for that moment to occur, her interest dropped immediately.

I ignored my ex's texts, phone calls and even showing up at my door step for 6 months straight. When I finally did decide to hang out with her (and nothing more beyond that) it was on my terms when I felt like it, as her nonsense caused me to break up with her, not the other way around.

I definitely don't recommend doing the above for anyone who's struggling with getting over an ex, or would accept their ex back with open arms. It's best to employ self restraint if you know inhibition is out the window whenever possible.

Yeah for sure. I let my emotions get the best of me. gotta man up.

 

[Mully]

13 months. We clicked right off the bat and were just really compatible.

Wow, that's rough my man. Good luck dude.

 

[soundahfekz]

Yeah for sure. I let my emotions get the best of me. gotta man up.

It happens man. Don't be too harsh on yourself. What's more important than recognizing the mistake is learning from it. We've all had major fuck ups with women at some point.

 

[Mully]

It happens man. Don't be too harsh on yourself. What's more important than recognizing the mistake is learning from it. We've all had major fuck ups with women at some point.

Bingo. Listen to this man. It sucked that my ex had to break up with me, but since then I've figured out most of my character flaws. I'm starting to work them out of my system. Take this time to look in the mirror and see what you can improve for the next woman. No offense, but she didn't sound worth it from the get go.

 

[TheSchwab_7]

Bingo. Listen to this man. It sucked that my ex had to break up with me, but since then I've figured out most of my character flaws. I'm starting to work them out of my system. Take this time to look in the mirror and see what you can improve for the next woman. No offense, but she didn't sound worth it from the get go.

None taken. It was an up and down type of thing. She's very insecure and has low self-esteem. A lot of my buddies are now just telling me that she had to "reach" for me. It's weird because while we have been broken up, I have learned a lot about myself and issues that I have. Sort of like an ah-ha moment. I don't think she's learned anything.

 

[luckyboyceo]

So this past weekend I was hanging out with some old friends, and I met a few girls that were all extremely cute. I'm not trying to sound egotistical or arrogant, but I over heard them saying how cute I was to one of my good girlfriends and all three of them were flirting with me the rest of the night. I didn't do anything with anyone of them though.

If you haven't seen my bratty posts about my ex and our break up a month ago, basically we broke up because of my drinking habits. She wants to talk around Thanksgiving. I've improved myself for me, and I'd really like her back. I really wanted to get with one of the girls in particular, but I feel like I could possibly have screwed up my relationship with my ex if I did.

Did I do the right thing by not hooking up with anyone of these girls?

If you feel like hooking up with one of them would've potentially messed up your chance at a reconciliation with your ex (and that's what it sounds like you're saying), then yeah, I'd probably say it was the right thing. Be comfortable with your choice and try not to regret not doing anything. Like you said, they were interested in you so take that to heart and build from it.

If it was me, I'd probably have hooked up with one of them and of course, not told my ex. But that's just me.

Soooo....fuck them all. She's a bitch and a whore and I'm done with her shit. Miss her to death though which sucks. I don't know how you can completely change on a best friend and someone you "love".

You know, sometimes this is the kind of stuff you need to get over someone. Take it and run with it, and don't ever look back. Sounds like you'll be better off.

 

[Coeliacus]

Stuff

Sounds like she may have had doubts about her current relationship and had a 'grass is greener' moment when she saw that things were going well for you.

You were full of it though and as soon as she sensed your needyness she got the hell out.

 

[soundahfekz]

Sorry for the thread derail, but there are a ton of reasons as to why people are depressed. For me, there was no real reason when I was diagnosed with Post Concussive Syndrome. It just happens that severe depression comes along with the disease. People don't make it last longer than it should, a lot of times patients with depression have chemical imbalances created after a traumatic event. Sure they could have tried to get themselves out of it, but when the body has altered the production of serotonin, a person is no longer in a temporary rut.

Back on topic.

So this past weekend I was hanging out with some old friends, and I met a few girls that were all extremely cute. I'm not trying to sound egotistical or arrogant, but I over heard them saying how cute I was to one of my good girlfriends and all three of them were flirting with me the rest of the night. I didn't do anything with anyone of them though.

If you haven't seen my bratty posts about my ex and our break up a month ago, basically we broke up because of my drinking habits. She wants to talk around Thanksgiving. I've improved myself for me, and I'd really like her back. I really wanted to get with one of the girls in particular, but I feel like I could possibly have screwed up my relationship with my ex if I did.

Did I do the right thing by not hooking up with anyone of these girls?

I wanted to respond to this too.

I'm trying to think of any scenario in which where if someone pissed me off, I'd have a specific time frame for dialogue, and I just can't. Just how people make time for others when they want, it's the same energy behind this kind of situation I feel.

How does one come up with an appropriate date to have discourse with their s/o? What is significant about that amount of time? I've read your posts about you drinking, but I also had a feeling that mood when drunk could be being used by both of you (you to get her back) to deflect mutual responsibility in other relationship issues. If you have a true drinking problem, that's an entire different scenario of course.

By the way, you should have beat the brakes off of one of those pussies, or at least entertained the possibility. You're single right now, and I can't actively believe that she's being a perfect angel waiting for this ultimate conversation towards Thanksgiving. You only live once, and more often than not, holding out for someone who gives you some arbitrary date of when you can talk will result in regret on other opportunities passed up when things don't pan out.

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

Sounds like this girl had her head turned, seems to be happening more and more. The culture of grass always being greener and all that. She sounds like yet another one who's not worth the time of day. The fact she said she loved you one minute, then she didn't the next shows she has no idea what she wants really. Its her problem, not yours, all you can do is try to live your life without her messing with your head until she stops playing these weird games...

 

[dragonflys545]

Oh god How do you deal with very shy girl... I recently met this girl who I think over the past few dates has a great personality and shares some common interest. The problem is getting her to open up, like for example tonight I asked her out to dinner. While we were eating and having a conversation I felt like I was the only one doing the talking, and when ever I would stop there would be this awkward silence until I come up with another topic. She also can't seem to keep in eye contact with me, she would either take her phone out and play around with it, or look around the restaurant... I haven't been in the dating scene ever since high school as I'm very shy myself, but this girl is in another level of shyness.

 

[Furio53]

Oh god How do you deal with very shy girl... I recently met this girl who I think over the past few dates has a great personality and shares some common interest. The problem is getting her to open up, like for example tonight I asked her out to dinner. While we were eating and having a conversation I felt like I was the only one doing the talking, and when ever I would stop there would be this awkward silence until I come up with another topic. She also can't seem to keep in eye contact with me, she would either take her phone out and play around with it, or look around the restaurant... I haven't been in the dating scene ever since high school as I'm very shy myself, but this girl is in another level of shyness.

alcohol

ok I'm kind of joking. Maintain eye contact, almost like you feel that you're staring. Eventually it kind of closes the room around you and will make her feel like shes in an intimate space and will open up slightly. other than that, time. She'll eventually open up. When she does you'll probably really like her, or be annoyed at her new found personality.

 

[Mully]

I wanted to respond to this too.

I'm trying to think of any scenario in which where if someone pissed me off, I'd have a specific time frame for dialogue, and I just can't. Just how people make time for others when they want, it's the same energy behind this kind of situation I feel.

How does one come up with an appropriate date to have discourse with their s/o? What is significant about that amount of time? I've read your posts about you drinking, but I also had a feeling that mood when drunk could be being used by both of you (you to get her back) to deflect mutual responsibility in other relationship issues. If you have a true drinking problem, that's an entire different scenario of course.

By the way, you should have beat the brakes off of one of those pussies, or at least entertained the possibility. You're single right now, and I can't actively believe that she's being a perfect angel waiting for this ultimate conversation towards Thanksgiving. You only live once, and more often than not, holding out for someone who gives you some arbitrary date of when you can talk will result in regret on other opportunities passed up when things don't pan out.

The reason we had to set up a specific time frame for dialogue was because she goes away to school. Thanksgiving Break is the next time she'll be home and we both agreed that this will probably be enough time for us to take a step back and look at our relationship and ourselves. At the time of the breakup, I was willing to drive 300 miles to her school and work things out, but I must say that even though this month has been a roller coaster, I think it has been enough time for me to figure myself out.

I just got back from an AA meeting. I have been going for a little over a month and it has been pretty liberating. I now know that I do not have a true drinking problem, but I am just a really terrible drunk. It was funny when I was telling my sponsor my story and he kept trying to finish my sentences because he believed I was much worse than what I was telling him initially. I am not an alcoholic, but I want to be among people that don't want to drink.

Having said that, I don't think the drunkenness was an excuse to break up because we had other relationship issues. The fact is, we really didn't have any. From everyone that I have spoken to that knew both of us pretty well, it seemed like we really had a strong relationship, and we did. We were always there for each other. Even when I was piss drunk and crying that I couldn't play soccer anymore, she didn't give up and stayed there for me throughout the night. When she transferred schools, I made sure I visited nearly every weekend to make sure she didn't feel alone. We were always there for each other and never had any real issues with each other.

Sure, she did hold back a lot and didn't really let me in on a lot of things, but it was never a major issue. I see other relationships that are full of major problems and it makes me pretty upset that I look back at what we had and it was much better than the peak of other people's relationships.

For instance, my good friend is a devout Catholic. He believes that couples should wait until they're married to have sex. He has been with this girl for over 8 months. In the first few months, the girl wanted to be completely honest with him and told him that she lead a very wild lifestyle prior to meeting him. My friend became really upset with her and has been holding this against ever since. He is still struggling with the fact that she had sex with other men before marriage and has forbid her to talk about her past. So now, they're relationship is pretty one sided. She is always trying to prove to him that she is better than what she used to be, while he holds the possibility of breaking up over her head at all times. It's not healthy and again it frustrates me that our relationship never got to that point and we are basically done.

 

[dragonflys545]

alcohol

ok I'm kind of joking. Maintain eye contact, almost like you feel that you're staring. Eventually it kind of closes the room around you and will make her feel like shes in an intimate space and will open up slightly. other than that, time. She'll eventually open up. When she does you'll probably really like her, or be annoyed at her new found personality.

That's exactly what I did. I got like a glance or two back, but other than that it felt really awkward. After the night I asked her if she's interested in going to the movies over the weekend, again I did all the talking, I told her if she's interested she can text me back over the next 2 days and she nodded. If she does go to the movies with me, I'm clueless on what I should do next, because like I said I'm quite shy myself.

 

[Shouta]

I can agree with that. A big mental wall I have is that my mind only seems to want validation from outside sources. So stuff what you wrote about little confidence boosters would probably do it well. But I then begin to wonder if that would matter, because the core issue I still am left with is that my mind will not validate my own existence on its own.

But yeah, never ever having been complimented on anything about myself from a girl weighs down heavily on me. And the real kicker is that, it shouldn't, yet it does. Ugh, so confusing.

You have said it yourself. Your own self-worth is the problem. You have to stop focusing on the external stimuli. You have to convince yourself that you are worth it, that whatever someone says or does against you doesn't matter in the end. Once you realize that you are worth it, then things will begin to change. At the moment, you're still fixated on being validated by someone else. Validate yourself before seeking it from someone else. Once you do, you'll have the armor to make it through the fight.

I'm not that different from the typical loser myself but I know I'm fucking worth it and that's how I keep continuing my search. I'll continue looking until I find the girl that realizes that I am every bit the man, I think I am.

Of course, I'm just thumping my chest a bit. ;p

 

[luckyboyceo]

So I stuck with the plan and asked out the girl from my ECON class this morning, to which she said yes. We didn't make any concrete plans though, left it kind of open-ended.

It seemed to go pretty well but I think maybe I caught her a bit off-guard when I handed her my number, as I've yet to hear from her yet today. Cause for concern?

 

[Mully]

So I stuck with the plan and asked out the girl from my ECON class this morning, to which she said yes. We didn't make any concrete plans though, left it kind of open-ended.

It seemed to go pretty well but I think maybe I caught her a bit off-guard when I handed her my number, as I've yet to hear from her yet today. Cause for concern?

You shouldn't be concerned. If you want to talk to her, I suggest you initiate though. Have you thought of any plans for your date?

 

[Etrian Oddity]

It feels good when all your friends cake with their girls 24/7, and they comment, "Etrian Oddity, I'm surprised you don't have a girl bro."

And by feels good I mean feels bad man v_v

 

[DualShadow]

It feels good when all your friends cake with their girls 24/7, and they comment, "Etrian Oddity, I'm surprised you don't have a girl bro."

And by feels good I mean feels bad man v_v

Most of my friends who are in long term relationships are jealous that I'm single and can do whatever I want haha.

 

[Calion]

So I stuck with the plan and asked out the girl from my ECON class this morning, to which she said yes. We didn't make any concrete plans though, left it kind of open-ended.

It seemed to go pretty well but I think maybe I caught her a bit off-guard when I handed her my number, as I've yet to hear from her yet today. Cause for concern?

That's awesome man! Congrats!

 

[Troblin]

So I stuck with the plan and asked out the girl from my ECON class this morning, to which she said yes. We didn't make any concrete plans though, left it kind of open-ended.

It seemed to go pretty well but I think maybe I caught her a bit off-guard when I handed her my number, as I've yet to hear from her yet today. Cause for concern?

Yah, good stuff man. I wish i would have manned up more in college. It only gets harder once you graduate.

 

[luckyboyceo]

You shouldn't be concerned. If you want to talk to her, I suggest you initiate though. Have you thought of any plans for your date?

Yeah actually, I should have clarified, it's the day we left open-ended. Never set a date, for the date.

I have an amazing Thai restaurant that I'm going to take her to. Coincidentally, she was telling me how Thai is her favorite type of food, so the plan seems to be a winner so far.

That's awesome man! Congrats!

Yah, good stuff man. I wish i would have manned up more in college. It only gets harder once you graduate.

Thanks guys, hoping it goes well.

Still debating whether or not to say anything about it when I see her in class Friday, or just wait to see if she takes the initiative, now that I've already asked. I'm leaning towards bringing it up again, seeing if we can possibly set up something for this weekend.

 

[Spacebar]

Did you get her number luckyboyceo?

 

[Furio53]

That's exactly what I did. I got like a glance or two back, but other than that it felt really awkward. After the night I asked her if she's interested in going to the movies over the weekend, again I did all the talking, I told her if she's interested she can text me back over the next 2 days and she nodded. If she does go to the movies with me, I'm clueless on what I should do next, because like I said I'm quite shy myself.

Then your options are either

A) Give her the benefit of the doubt, if she wants to go out again, just give her time to open up. Get in an environment that will make her feel comfortable.

B) don't go out again

I'd personally go with A, as I've been in the exact situation you're talking about. Eventually she turned out to be great. She made comments about how the eye contact made her uncomfortable, but in a good way. Shrug. Just give her time to open up before making any call.

 

[Aurora]

Don't let her initiate, you want to always be in the driving seat where you can help it. Next time you see her tell her you've been to this awesome Thai place and that she'll love it there.

Do you have her number? If not then I'd get that straight away too. Don't rely on girls contacting you early on, you should be the one making the moves and keeping the ball rolling.

Ideally you'd want to make concrete plans after telling her about the Thai restaurant and get a solid date planned. If for whatever reason you don't set up a day to meet, call her that day or the following one and tell her when to meet you.

Well done

 

[luckyboyceo]

Did you get her number luckyboyceo?

Don't let her initiate, you want to always be in the driving seat where you can help it. Next time you see her tell her you've been to this awesome Thai place and that she'll love it there.

Do you have her number? If not then I'd get that straight away too. Don't rely on girls contacting you early on, you should be the one making the moves and keeping the ball rolling.

Ideally you'd want to make concrete plans after telling her about the Thai restaurant and get a solid date planned. If for whatever reason you don't set up a day to meet, call her that day or the following one and tell her when to meet you.

Well done

I didn't get her number. I gave her mine and kind of assumed she'd end up texting me, but hasn't. I guess that's something to know for next time, I'm not really stressing it.

I'm going to try and catch her after class Friday and get on the subject of her weekend plans then go from there. I know what I'm going to say so I feel pretty good about it. Plus, I have a presentation that day so I'll be wearing one of my new suits. My confidence will be at level 10.

 

[Snakeyes]

Like others have said zatara, GTFO asap.

 

[brucewaynegretzky]

Question for those who got out of long term relationships:

So I dated my ex for 6 years. We broke up in September. I've legitimately been trying to meet people. The problem is I'm just not attracted to many girls. I think there's really only been one girl I was really interested in that I've talked to, and she turned me down. I've gone out with groups of people and had girls I know were interested in me, but I'm just not really interested in dating them.

I'll be honest I do compare, but I don't really idealize my ex either. I thought she was really good looking and cool, but there were plenty of things that bugged me about her and I understand why we broke up, sorta :\. Overall though I really just don't see any girls where I'm like "I think I could really like her," to the point where I WANT to do anything with them. It's kind of depressing because I WAS happy. Now it's just difficult to figure out how the hell I'm going to find someone else. I don't doubt that there other girls out there I'd get along with, I just want to know how to fucking find them. All my friends just keep telling me to hit on whoever I find attractive, but to be honest I find it boring and not worth the effort.

Anyone else ever had a similar problem? I'm not expecting a whole lot, because I've always read this thread and thought "Dear god that is an AWFUL way to build a good relationship." But at this point I'll take anything.

 

[Ninja_Hawk]

I didn't get her number. I gave her mine and kind of assumed she'd end up texting me, but hasn't. I guess that's something to know for next time, I'm not really stressing it.

I'm going to try and catch her after class Friday and get on the subject of her weekend plans then go from there. I know what I'm going to say so I feel pretty good about it. Plus, I have a presentation that day so I'll be wearing one of my new suits. My confidence will be at level 10.

As others have said, you do always want to be in control, giving her your number first wasn't necessarily a bad thing, that is what I do, but I tell them to hit me up and send me a text/call right then and there so I have theirs. Some girls will be assertive and contact you, some won't, and for the ones that don't, it don't necessarily mean she doesn't like you, some girls don't like being too forward, some have the attitude that they should be the ones being chased. In those cases you have to be the one to put your foot forward, but it seems like you know where to take it, so best of luck!

 

[Spacebar]

I didn't get her number. I gave her mine and kind of assumed she'd end up texting me, but hasn't. I guess that's something to know for next time, I'm not really stressing it.

I'm going to try and catch her after class Friday and get on the subject of her weekend plans then go from there. I know what I'm going to say so I feel pretty good about it. Plus, I have a presentation that day so I'll be wearing one of my new suits. My confidence will be at level 10.

So what you're really trying to say is you have so much swag you're not even worried if this girl contacts you. You're actually so busy you don't have to contact her and girls should contact you if they want a shot at the lucky boy ceo. Good luck!

 

[Jaladinozozo]

Question for those who got out of long term relationships:

So I dated my ex for 6 years. We broke up in September. I've legitimately been trying to meet people. The problem is I'm just not attracted to many girls. I think there's really only been one girl I was really interested in that I've talked to, and she turned me down. I've gone out with groups of people and had girls I know were interested in me, but I'm just not really interested in dating them.

I'll be honest I do compare, but I don't really idealize my ex either. I thought she was really good looking and cool, but there were plenty of things that bugged me about her and I understand why we broke up, sorta :\. Overall though I really just don't see any girls where I'm like "I think I could really like her," to the point where I WANT to do anything with them. It's kind of depressing because I WAS happy. Now it's just difficult to figure out how the hell I'm going to find someone else. I don't doubt that there other girls out there I'd get along with, I just want to know how to fucking find them. All my friends just keep telling me to hit on whoever I find attractive, but to be honest I find it boring and not worth the effort.

Anyone else ever had a similar problem? I'm not expecting a whole lot, because I've always read this thread and thought "Dear god that is an AWFUL way to build a good relationship." But at this point I'll take anything.

It has only been 2 months since Sept. If you were together for 6 years it will probably take you a long time, maybe a year or more, to get her out of your head and move on with someone else. Just don't worry about meeting anyone new right now, be single and and on your own for awhile, and find a way to be happy by yourself. You looking for someone to be with as your source of happiness is your biggest mistake.