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Girl/Dating Age Part 2: A combined effort to give advice for those in need
- Thread starter -PXG-
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You are probably right and I will take a wait and see approach from here on out. I just can't get a reading on this girl. Yesterday evening she told me she loved me, but it doesn't really show. And she already let me in on some of her family issues early on, guess this may be bigger than those. Regardless, the ball is in her court right now. She'll have to show me that she wants "us" to work. Relationships need to be a two way street and I'm tired of being the one showing all the effort.Argyle said:
jamesinclair
Banned
Relix said:
To be able to have sex and not go to hell?
HappyBivouac
Member
True, committed, lifelong and unconditional love is not a thing that exists. We need the law and the church to hold us together.
I don't fully believe this, but the cynical part of me sometimes does.
Relix said:
If that's the case then one of the couple has commitment issues. If you find a girl that doesn't want to get married chances are, she doesn't want/can't have kids. Not to mention that a girl with any self worth will leave if you can't commit. Most importantly, it is socially awkward to be never married.
Good luck pulling off a George Clooney (Handsome,rich and famous) even tho he was married before. :lol
aktham said:
I don't want kids at the moment either way. Not interested. I believe you can commit to a person without going through the stupid ritual that marriage is. I'll be honest... I find it pointless. Being married doesn't mean commitment, you can just divorce. Its just a paper, and an event, nothing else. That's why I say that in the end, its pointless.
One time, I dated this girl for 4.5 years and we lived together and everything. We started dating in sophmore year of college, and we moved out to LA together. Figured I was going to get married, but then she went to Cannes for work and found some 47 year old film executive and ran off with him. So that was kind of painful, but that was in the summer. Also as she was moving out she stole my checkbook at forged some checks, taking just under 1000$ from my checking account.
Didn't see it coming. It was like a rough rest of the summer, but now I'm good. I taught myself to play the drums in the aftermath, totally awesome.
Also in all seriousness, I look back and realized how complacent I was; so now I'm just trying to focus on career, and it's much easier to do than in the last 4.5 years, you know?
Girls are full on shitty sometimes.
Didn't see it coming. It was like a rough rest of the summer, but now I'm good. I taught myself to play the drums in the aftermath, totally awesome.
Also in all seriousness, I look back and realized how complacent I was; so now I'm just trying to focus on career, and it's much easier to do than in the last 4.5 years, you know?
Girls are full on shitty sometimes.
SpectreFire
Member
Relix said:
Maybe to you, but to others it's something special. Everything means something different to someone. Why does everything have to have a tangible black and white usage or not?
SpectreFire said:
Of course I am entirely talking from my point of view! Not generalizing. At least to me it feels like some old rite, which holds no meaning in the 21st century. Except of course... to society, but I've never cared about what society dictates that's correct.
Devolution
Member
aktham said:
The 1950s called.
SpectreFire
Member
Relix said:
It's a commitment between two people. Throw away all the paperwork and everything, that's what it is, and that's what most people take it as.
I don't see what's so old and archaic of two people making a promise to each other over something emotionally significant to them.
It is the all-encompassing culmination of a relationship.
SpectreFire said:
Because promises are bullshit. Also..... women ripping you off in the divorce. Screw that.
I can make that promise WITHOUT getting married, without that event. So you could say that if I lived with a person and we loved each other and we told ourselves to be faithful... that's the same as marriage. The concept of marriage is old and flawed, completely irrelevant to the new age where we live.
I am not saying I will NEVER get married... world does go around.... but I frankly see no point to it.
Joel Was Right
Member
Relix said:
Marriage is really no longer an institution from a social perspective, true, but then again its lack of necessity leaves a vacuum where the romantic sentiment takes the stage; it becomes a rejection of the norm (just being a gf/bf) by wanting to be somebody's wife, somebody's husband and regardless where you stand on marriage itself (its perks or lack of), those two nouns still carry significant weight culturally and socially. It's no surprise that those who become parents often also decide to become spouses. Why is that? Well, I personally look at the wedding and what it is: the invitation of friends, family and in some cultures the local community itself - more than the white dress, more than the feast, it is about the public declaration of your union, one that is witnessed by everyone in a gathering. That has many connotations on it's own and the passage of 'through better or worse' is this almost oath-like proclamation that you will remain with that person, even when you may feel like doing otherwise.
You're giving yourself to something bigger than just the two of you - you're giving yourself to an idea, and the two of you are partners to that just as much as you are partners to each other (and new parents recognise this hence the decision to marry). It's what freaks out some people who are perfectly happy in long-term relationships but don't want to go further than that. It's one of the things that triggers the tears on your wedding day.
Ultimately it means as much as you the two of you want it to mean. If one of you doesn't want to get married as much as the other, then there is no point of doing so. You'll still see people get married to "settle down", but now that you don't have to marry, you're naturally going to have more people do it out of love and so the only way to understand why is maybe to fall deeply (maybe insanely in your eyes) in love with them.
Hey GAF what do you do against the feeling of disappointment? Like if things initially work really well between you and the girl but shortly you realize it will not gonna work out (long distance relationship, psychological issues etc.). I mean sure you can say to yourself there are plenty of more fish in the sea but then again you think 'damn we clicked so well and I will rarely find another women who is like that'...you know...that frustrating feeling that it didn´t work out/got different than originally planned. Lowering your expectations/being less delusional about what love is? Gain more experience? /sad face
Relix said:
You sound really bitter or hurt, and you have a negative view about marriage. You already stated that you don't care what society thinks, so you actually answered your own question. Marriage is a social norm. My advice to you is to keep this "marriage is pointless" as a guy discussion, because you'll drive most females away talking like that. You should certainly not say something like that to your parents, who've been married for over 25 years.
SpectreFire
Member
Max@GC said:
What can you do to stop those feelings?
Absolutely jack shit. Doesn't matter how experienced, or how well prepared you are, when you realize that you're not getting the girl who's almost perfect for you, it's going to hurt.
The only way to get around it is to keep going on. Nothing you can do will change the course of that path, keeping bumping forward and hope to god something goes right somewhere down the line... eventually.
I'm not asking for dating advice but I need girl help I guess. My friend just told me that her mom and sister caught her father having an affair. How am I supposed to console her gaf? I told her that it ultimately falls on her parents to fix their relationship but I don't know what else to do. 
So the girl that I was supposed to go visit a few weeks ago, but cold feet and didn't want me to come is going to be in the area to visit her family. Her and I are going to meetup at a midway point and have lunch together.
I'm going in with pretty low expectations about the outcome. She's still going out with this other guy, but it's "not serious" according to her, so there's a chance that something can work out for her and I, but as long as I'm not living near her, I think this is a fruitless venture.
I hope all of you guys had a Merry Christmas!
I'm going in with pretty low expectations about the outcome. She's still going out with this other guy, but it's "not serious" according to her, so there's a chance that something can work out for her and I, but as long as I'm not living near her, I think this is a fruitless venture.
I hope all of you guys had a Merry Christmas!
The Shadow
Member
SpectreFire said:
Eh...not entirely true.
The more women you meet and date, the less this happens. Heart break for me was definitely far worse when I was younger and less experienced. It was, "I've lost the one true girl and now I'll never be happy."
Over time you realize that it's bullshit. There is no one "true" love. There is no "perfect" girl for you. You just got fixated on one particular girl and that fixation made her good qualities awesome and her bad qualities non-existent. Over time and with experience, that doesn't happen anymore.
And I'm not saying you turn into a robot. It can still hurt, but not nearly to the extent you two are describing.
Max: Best thing to do is just get out with friends. You'll meet someone else soon enough and forget the other girl. Trust me.
So, a third date is in the works for Tuesday night and another for next weekend. I doubt either will solidify, but no biggie. I'm busy next week anyway. So best case scenario, I have four dates, two in one day (Tuesday). Also, a buddy of mine is taking me to a local hibachi joint for my birthday. He has a lot of lady friends, and asked him to introduce me to them. So that's more potential booty/ companionship right there. Remember...just spreading myself as much as possible
However, all of this running around, going on dates and talking to all of these girls is some what annoying. I just want one I can click with, focus on and, hopefully, have a relationship with. God damn. In a way, my ex breaking up with me is a blessing. Now I have all of this freedom and able to try out and "taste" new "flavors"
However, all of this running around, going on dates and talking to all of these girls is some what annoying. I just want one I can click with, focus on and, hopefully, have a relationship with. God damn. In a way, my ex breaking up with me is a blessing. Now I have all of this freedom and able to try out and "taste" new "flavors"
jamesinclair
Banned
Maron said:
Go out and find religious baptists or mormon folk.
Notice how they all get married at 19?
It's because they want to get laid.
HappyBivouac
Member
Sick and tired of thinking too much. The only thing to do in this situation is be a man of action. (See my earlier long post if you don't know what the hell I'm talking about) Next time she's on Skype I'm telling her she's fucking amazing and I want to date her. Fuck all that noise about asking a girl out online being lame. It's what I've gotta do.
J Tourettes
Banned
Edit: nevermind
fredrancour
Member
EDIT:nvm
Aurora said:
I am moving to Europe dammit :lol
aktham said:
Nah not exactly. I've never been hurt beyond a day of depression. Of course, I do agree I can't be yelling it to every girl I find, unless she's progressive minded and I know of it. Also I've told my parents countless times... but they are probably sure I am going to hell so they don't care by now :lol
Solideliquid
Member
I've been dating this girl for a few months now (<6) and lately she is becoming super passive aggressive with me. I'm not sure how to deal. I have called her on it several times but she continues to wield this passive aggressive shit every time she is upset (which is a lot because she seems super sensitive).
When a girlfriend became like that with me once, after one week I sat down and said "Look, you're not acting like the girl I went out with. Don't try and deny it, you've been acting like a bitch. Now here's what's going to happen. I'm going to go downstairs and eat some lunch, and when I come back I either want you to start acting like the girl I went out with or to have left. Got it?" I then walked out.Solideliquid said:
Didn't have anymore problems until we broke up like five months later because I moved away. Sometimes you've just got to show that you won't put up with shitty behaviour.
Edit: Of course this only works if you're actually willing to tell her to get out if she keeps acting crappy. But at the end of the day it's in both your best interests for you to not put up with passive aggresive behaviour, as if you're not willing to walk when it's gets bad it simply won't stop.
JimiNutz
Banned
The Shadow said:
When I was in my early teenage years I was inexperienced and it def hurt more because I thought I may have lost the 'one', but then you turn 18, go to college or whatever, and realise that there are loads of women about and you can easily move on...
Then you hit late 20s/early 30s and realise that lots of the 'good' girls are now taken...
Sure you can try and and bounce around different women like you did in college but that starts to feel empty, plus you're maybe not as young and good looking as you were 10 years ago - maybe time is running out?
I'm only 25 so I'm not quite at this stage yet, but I have single friends that are older than me and can see this happening to them at the moment :lol
I prob shouldn't laugh because there's a possibility that I'll be there in a few years!
JasoNsider
Member
Solideliquid said:
Yeah, at less than 6 months it will definitely only get worse over time, not better. These are the kinds of things that, no matter how hard it is, you need to show where you stand on the issue. Saying "This is not cool - Shape up or I ship out" will get somebody's attention.
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