Mr. Paer said:
How old are you? Are you a virgin by choice or culture/religion?
Mr. Paer said:
SRG01 said:90% of my friends are women.
Mr. Paer said:tl;dr I'm a virgin frustrated with holding out for the "right one". I'm torn between continuing to work towards my long held goal of only being intimate with girls I'm in a meaningful relationship with and changing my philosophy to become a lady killer, to avoid both emotional pain and lonely nights. If I've had this belief and goal for so long, would it be irresponsible to drastically throw it away now due to some bad past experiences, or should I say fuck it and try a different approach and see what happens?
PoliceCop said:How many of them have you had sex with? They might tell you that, but it's probably not the truth. Nothing gets most women hotter than being the center of gossip and having other people interested in their relationship business.
Eggo said:Do you have any idea how social proof works? You were sitting on a gold mine opportunity, and you couldn't wait to get out of the situation.
Luscious LeftFoot said:You're missing out waiting for this ideal girl and perfect relationship to come along. They don't exist.
Get out there, meet people, fuck bitches, experience the highs and lows of relationships. So that when the right girl for you does come along, not only will you know it, but you'll be emotionally ready and mature enough to handle it.
doomed1 said:You're not the only one here with that problem dude, there are a number of us, myself included, but don't confuse emotional frustration for sexual frustration. Another issue is the idea of "holding out". It's a bullshit notion. A girl's not just gonna fall into your lap. I wouldn't suggest going out and fucking everything with a pulse, but why don't you use that sort of situation to your advantage with hanging out and flirting instead of implying you wanna hook up at a drunken party. Seriously, if you think you could fill your bedpost with notches from one night stands, you should be able to do as well with getting a steady girl. You don't have to become a lady killer, you should just change your expectations. You won't get love at first sight.
BronzeWolf said:Hello Mr. Paer, I'll read your text, hope you don't get mad at me, ok?
FUCK YOU BRONZEWOLF! How dare you comment on my post that I specifically requested input on?!
What a shitty goal! Your goal shouldn't be GET MARRIED LOLStm, it should be: be as happy and comfy with yourself as you can! If that includes Marriage, then good, but marriage will not bring happiness in and by itself. Knock it down.
I've had a big problem for the majority of my life being a "happy single". I AM happy with myself... I know I'm fucking boss and any lady would be lucky to be with me. But having never been in a relationship, the single life is very much wearing out its welcome.
I hate when people don't tell the whole story. WHAT WHERE SAID CIRCUMSTANCES. If you guys broke up, I can assure you she wasn't as much into you as you into her. But I can't really say so for sure, unless I know the details.
I intentionally left out the circumstances because they weren't relative to the point. Let's just say THE LEAST of her concerns was that she was in the country illegally. Don't really want to go into more beyond that, but it not working out between us had nothing to do with, well, us. Life is funny that way.
So what? Who cares?
I care because I don't have to be one, but I can't get past the notion of saving it for someone special. And special is near impossible to find
Good! because it's stupid to go on living without having a little fun.
Hell yeah. It's never worth it to give a girl that much control over your quality of life
That's called EVOLUTION. You want to do the sexy procreation dance!
So long as procreation isn't a part of it!
Sound great doesn't it?
It does sound great in theory. Our school has an abnormally high STD rate though. And pregnancy scares sound, well, fucking scary
Do you realize that people change over time? The person you are right now, the one who is in college and getting around all this hot chicks is not the same 5 year old children. People change over time, they usually get better, more rational and less idealistic. What you had at age 5 was a dream, a beautiful dream, but one that has almost no connection to how relationships work in reality. This clash with reality is causing you to go through a terribly stress.
The person you are right now, is a 5 year old children struggling to keep with a 18+ body. And this 5 year old children in a 18+ body is not happy
This is a great point. I guess I feel like I got so close to getting what I wanted with this last girl that demonstrated how my ideal goal is possible, just incredibly unlikely. But I want that beautiful dream damn it!
First of all, not many girls screw with everyone that hits on them. Knock that off because it's stupid and is NOT connected to reality. Not all girls that have sex are whores, and I could resent you saying that because that implies that the wonderful girls I have been with ARE WHORES just because they decided to live their sexuality.
In fact, most girls are very sensitive about who they have sex with, and protect their intimacy a lot.
I'm not implying all girls do that. But trust me when I say there are a ton who do at a big state party school. I've heard of so many girls banging the first guy that hits on them at an alcohol fueled rager. THAT is slutty. But it's also fun and a lot of guys do it too. It just seems like I've met two categories of women here; those who have one night stands whenever they are horny, and those who only have sex with those they are in a relationship with. And I'm not willing to lower my standards for who I will actually date. I don't want to settle for someone who isn't intelligent, or who I don't find physically attractive, or who isn't interesting just because nothing else is available.
Oh, but you are, because if it wasn't immoral, you would have no problem with it.
Not immoral, just not for me. I have a very "live and let live" approach to life.
I am not saying it's going to be better or not. But you will regret it later if you don't
You are probably right. I don't want to look back on my life thirty years from now and have the feeling that I didn't make the most of every opportunity that came my way, even if some of those opportunities led to questionable decisions
One-itis isn't love. Love is what you make of it, and if this "love" is making you so fucking sad, well, fuck love. Love is subjective and you can name anything "love". It doesn't make it good or desirable. So just fuck it! Live a little for fuck's sake! You deserve that to yourself
if what you are doing is making you unhappy, why the fuck do you still do it?
Because I feel like holding out for this "beautiful relationship" that I've internalized for so many years will make me happier than anything else if I just wait long enough for it. Fuck though, even typing it out seems ludicrous. I think I need to man up and understand life isn't a goddam Disney movie. Thanks for the input my friend
aktham said:How old are you? Are you a virgin by choice or culture/religion?
Fuck that, do it anyway. It's only your negative perceptions of them that make them "super slutty" or "really stupid". Hook-up culture is a lot rarer than you'd think it is. Flirting and light pursuit is perfectly okay. If you can do it, fuck'n go for it. You don't have to bang her, and a A Kiss is Not a Contract, just see where it goes. Cut it off if you're not comfortable, that's always your option, you're just afraid of being uncomfortable in the first place, so you never go in the first place. Just give it a shot, you don't have to sleep with anyone, but sitting around twiddling your thumbs wont get you anywhere either.Mr. Paer said:The thing is that I have no interest in flirting or chasing after a girl I have no interest in dating. At a school with 20,000 students, you would think finding datable material would be easy, but it really isn't. If a girl isn't super slutty, really stupid, or incredibly immature, then she is usually already in a relationship or isn't looking for one.
Anyway, posting this on a new page if anyone can give ME some words of wisdom.doomed1 said:Well, just got back from an off the cuff date with a girl I thought I had a good chance with, and I still think I do have a good chance with her, but fuck me I'm terrible at dating. Sure, I can totally show a girl a good time, but fuck me if I know how to get closer. I just end up failing at provoking any level of physical intimacy. I just don't know where to start while still making sure the girl's comfortable with it. I'm reading the body language, and she was totally comfortable with me being right next to her and hugging her, but I don't know, I'm just really bad with that shit. My charm is in my wit and my academic, I just don't know how to make them work for me...
Damnit, things were easier when I was just getting stood up. :/
look real silly without a business? Yes, I agree.Jamesfrom818 said:Business cards
JB1981 said:What the fuck is social proof?
Relix said:Ok I never believed in the friend zone but I've gotten zoned 2 times in less than 2 weeks. What in the fuck XD!
Latest girl just said... "Dude... it's you."
Whatever the fuck she meant with that I will never know XD!!
vitaminwateryum said:Is this the girl who was always saying she liked some guy?
Dude...its you.Relix said:Nah, this was another girl who just told me that. What the hell XD!
Relix said:Ok I never believed in the friend zone but I've gotten zoned 2 times in less than 2 weeks. What in the fuck XD!
Latest girl just said... "Dude... it's you."
Whatever the fuck she meant with that I will never know XD!!
Ultimoo said:Did you attempt to kiss her or something, or did she just randomly say that? lol.
The Shadow said:Let's be realistic here. Do you know anyone, and I mean ANYONE who actually ended up in that scenario? Do you know any former virgins who's first sexual partner ended up being the person they married?
SRG01 said:Pascal's Wager applied to relationships is the single most hardest lesson you will ever learn in your life. Faith and trust is hard, and we all fall off the wagon sometimes, but they are vital to any relationship you have.
Tkawsome said:That's a big problem of mine. Life repeatedly teaches me people are bastard coated bastards with a bastard filling and if I let someone get close to me they're going to stab me in the back. I have no idea how to fix that except through experience though.
Luscious LeftFoot said:Essentially, the idea is the you have a perceived higher social value to others based on the fact he was with 3 good looking girls.
EXGN said:Personally, I think the concept is pretty much bullshit. Do you ever look at a group of guys at the bar and think, "Man, what a bunch of losers, who goes out to drink with their friends?" I also don't think I've ever looked at a mixed group of guys and girls and said, "Damn, those dudes look so cool, they're hanging out with women!"
EXGN said:Personally, I think the concept is pretty much bullshit. Do you ever look at a group of guys at the bar and think, "Man, what a bunch of losers, who goes out to drink with their friends?" I also don't think I've ever looked at a mixed group of guys and girls and said, "Damn, those dudes look so cool, they're hanging out with women!"
EXGN said:Personally, I think the concept is pretty much bullshit. Do you ever look at a group of guys at the bar and think, "Man, what a bunch of losers, who goes out to drink with their friends?" I also don't think I've ever looked at a mixed group of guys and girls and said, "Damn, those dudes look so cool, they're hanging out with women!"
It's possible to have sex with women that you don't necessarily want to be with the rest of your life the rest of your life AND legitimately seek relationships. It's not so simple as Sometimes, people, male or female will not be seeking a relationship that is long term. Rather than giving yourself this dichotomy were you can be only one or the other... You can mix it up more than that.Mr. Paer said:<snip>
THIS. Especially if you own a business.Jamesfrom818 said:Business cards
And it will be forever if you stop trying. Scary thought and a great motivator.HappyBivouac said:Damnit guys, I haven't known what it's like to be unable to get over a girl for something like 8 years. I'm regressing.
Shit is messing with me pretty bad and it sucks.
chicko1983 said:so things are looking pretty good right now.
Got a date with a girl who I have liked for a while. I had a chance to go out with her a couple of years ago but one of my mates slept with her the day before I was going to go out with her (she was very drunk and he took advantage of her). When I found out, I then stood her up on the date and didn't speak to her again until just a minute ago.
It has taken me 2 years to get over the fact that my mate slept with her but I like her, she likes me and we used to get on really well so that is what I am looking for at the moment.
Looking forward to Sunday now![]()
Jipan said:The week has started off pretty good for me. Yesterday, I went to the second orientation at my college, met a bunch of people and practiced my game on a Puerto Rican chick and teased her on the fact that she would need to use a microscope to see her signature on her I.D and made good conversation with her and her friend who I believe is gay based on the weak and awkward handshake he gave me and the way he spoke. Suffice to say, I still got game after not practicing it for a little while. I also had to read a question in front of people then I cracked a joke when the prize wheel which made people laugh. Unfortunately, the Puerto Rican chick left with her friend and I wasn't able to catch up to them after orientation ended, so I went to run my school errands. I'll probably see her around.
So about 30 minutes ago or so, I was on Facebook, when this chick I went to high school with started chatting with me. Now keep in mind that my good friend told me that she used to like me back in high school, although she had some nasty habits like belching and being extremely loud and tomboyish and that's a turn-off for me and I never had a thing for her. Long story short, she invited me to go to some youth event that's in her church next Sunday. Here's another thing that I should mention: I'm not a fan of going to churches because I used to go a Christian church and from personal experience, it brainwashed me and turned me into a huge pansy and prevented me from doing "things not of God." Thankfully, I haven't been to a church in over 7 years because I don't believe in pastors and I think they're thieves and it opened my eyes to life again and ever since, I've been drinking socially, cursing, and have done some things that devout Christians would condemn me for.
So she asked me for my number and after my brother told me that I should give it to her because I don't go out much, I obliged. I told that I can't promise her that I'll go and that I haven't been to a church in a while. I don't wanna feel forced to go because she has my number and she sees me online on FB. So my question to you guys (and gals) is should I go? I have a feeling she still likes me and that's probably her motive for inviting me. On the other hand, it's an opportunity to practice my game, and if I still don't find her attractive and find myself not liking the event, I'll tell her straight up and tell her that I don't want to go any more. Another part of me feels like this is a trap to try to get me to pray (I'm not atheist; I'd rather pray at home and in silence) and and commit to going to her church and I'm not a fan of that type of stuff.
Jipan said:I don't wanna be an attention whore and I understand people are too busy helping out other people but can I get some thoughts on what I should do?
EXGN said:Personally, I think the concept is pretty much bullshit. Do you ever look at a group of guys at the bar and think, "Man, what a bunch of losers, who goes out to drink with their friends?" I also don't think I've ever looked at a mixed group of guys and girls and said, "Damn, those dudes look so cool, they're hanging out with women!"
EXGN said:Personally, I think the concept is pretty much bullshit. Do you ever look at a group of guys at the bar and think, "Man, what a bunch of losers, who goes out to drink with their friends?" I also don't think I've ever looked at a mixed group of guys and girls and said, "Damn, those dudes look so cool, they're hanging out with women!"
Jipan said:I don't wanna be an attention whore and I understand people are too busy helping out other people but can I get some thoughts on what I should do?
Whoompthereitis said:So.....
Border Blues
Ultimoo said:Cute girl in my econ class, should probably skip a class so I can get notes from her as an excuse to talk to her. Hmmmmm, she wears a scarf inside though, weird.
The dude has a pretty endowed chest then.Whoompthereitis said:Probably a dude trying to hide the adam's apple.
Ultimoo said:The dude has a pretty endowed chest then.
Would like pictures of that.Whoompthereitis said:Some of us do. I'm suckin' my left nipple right now.
Ultimoo said:Would like pictures of that.
Why don't you just be a good person to her? Do you really, really need to sleep with this girl? It sounds like she honestly needs some time to get over what happened and recover. While there definitely could be an angle to get her in bed, do you really need to take it?Whoompthereitis said:So.....
I live in Vancouver. Couple weeks ago me and this girl from POF went on one date where we met at a bar and talked/drank for 7 hours. We got along real well, and there was an obvious chemistry. Afterwards we stumbled out of the bar and walked down the street arm in arm, laughing and all that. I kinda dug her.
Ended up at her place at like 2:00 am. We sat on the couch and listened to music for a bit, sipping tea. Got a bit cuddly on the couch.
Then out of nowhere she got up and announced that she wanted to go to bed. I gave her a hug and left. It was all kind of weird, because although I felt she was way into me, there was something...off.
So we have plans for tomorrow night- go for sushi and then back to my place to listen to records and get messed up. Perfect, right?
So I get this text from her today:
I have to be honest with you, Whoomp. I am feeling kind of achy in the heart department right now. I feel I can only be a friend until something inside me shifts....I wanted to let you know before another hang out.
And it all made sense, based on a story she told me on our first date. Basically, back in October she met this guy. They hit it off like BOOM- instant chemistry, house on fire, hanging out all the time- within a month he had met her family. He was American, from New York. So one day he drives with his friend down to Bellingham, and on the way back Customs denies him re-entry to Canada. Dont know the details, but thats what happened. So apparently hes now back in New York sleeping on his Moms couch.
Poor girl- shes heartbroken obviously. She digs me, but shes still way in love with this guy whos now unattainable.
So we texted back and forth a few times today, and I assured her that Im cool with being friends. Which I totally am. So were gonna hang out as planned, go for sushi and then come to my place to listen to funk music and drink/drug it up.
So.....advice? I want to respect her wishes, and if shes not in a space to be anything more than a friend I can deal with that no problem. Having said that, if I can somehow get her naked, thats even better.
Other than being my usual charming self, what can I do here? I feel like I should refrain from making any moves for fear of scaring her off. On the other hand, maybe makin a move is just whats needed to get her to forget about this guy if even for a few hours.
The tricky part is that this guy was pulled away from her in the Honeymoon stage of their relationship- so really he hasnt had a chance to do anything wrong yet, and is therefore perfect in her eyes.
Whattaya think GAF?
Mike Works said:Why don't you just be a good person to her? Do you really, really need to sleep with this girl? It sounds like she honestly needs some time to get over what happened and recover. While there definitely could be an angle to get her in bed, do you really need to take it?
PS: I'm on the ferry to Vancouver (from Victoria) right now. God-shit it's foggy out here.
CF_Fighter said:Wish me luck Gaf, tomorrow I have class with that girl I realized I left awkwardly last week. Gonna chat her up and maybe even see what she is up to in the coming week if I feel like the opening is there for that type of thing. I'm gonna try the direct route this time instead of doing the whole friend for a bit before I ask her out. Every time I've gone that route I've been friend-zoned.
Mike Works said:Why don't you just be a good person to her? Do you really, really need to sleep with this girl? It sounds like she honestly needs some time to get over what happened and recover. While there definitely could be an angle to get her in bed, do you really need to take it?
PS: I'm on the ferry to Vancouver (from Victoria) right now. God-shit it's foggy out here.