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[Mike Works]

I'm going to rant for a bit in a long post because I'm confused and if anyone wants to read it and sort through my thoughts and give me advice it would be wonderful. Sorry if it's jumbled and possibly a little over informative or graphic.

So I met this girl about one week ago at a sports pub out in Manhattan while watching the first Steelers playoff game Saturday, we hit it off pretty good, she's really into sports and we have some good jokes going back and forth so I ask her to come with me to a different bar (since the one we were in was stupidly crowded) to watch the Falcon's game with me, she obliges and we go to watch the game and eat at a bar down the street. Odd thing is she doesn't want any drinks though, says she doesn't want to get sleepy. To make a long story short it goes well and I end up walking her home and getting a nice little make-out session from it. She calls me the next day on Sunday, says she knows it's short notice but wants me to come watch the Jet's game with her - I blow off my plans to hang with my friends and go to meet her at her place. We get about half way through the game before we're making out again and I end up spending the night in her bed. No true sex though, just almost everything but. Monday morning I take the "shameful" subway ride home.

The reason I say shameful is because I realize I don't really know the girl at all. outside of football at least, and was worried it was moving too quickly since I know after having sex with a girl they're all of a sudden in "let's be in a relationship" mode... At least in my past experience. I kind of say to myself I won't see her again for a week at least but she continues to text me throughout the next few days. Come Thursday night she calls me and tells me she had a really bad day at work and wants to see me. I tried to get her to meet me at a coffee shop or movie theater but she insisted she wanted to relax at home and "cuddle" and offers to order pizza. I go to her place, eat pizza, and try to get to know her a little better but aside from learning she hasn't seen a single one of my favorite movies and her favorite genre of music is country and bubble-gum pop (both of which I hate) I learn mostly about her job before it gets sexual again. In the midst of it all I end up promising her I'll watch the Jet's/Steelers game with her if she goes to see The Fighter with me and watches the copy of Goodfella's I let her borrow.

Saturday I meet her and we go and watch The Fighter and then she wants to take me ice skating. I don't ice skate but she really wanted me to with her and insists we do it at Bryant Park (it's free there as opposed to Rockefeller) I go, she rents the skates for us, and it's pretty fun for about 30 minutes until she starts complaining her ankles are hurting. We stop and I go to buy us coffee when I learn she hates coffee (I'm a heavy coffee drinker) but ok, we go back to her place after I have a cup and she wants me to get her off as a "reward" to her because she took me skating. I do it and then she proceeds to give the worst hand job in history in return... she can't get me off and I tell her to let me show her how - she gets sad and I cheer her up by complimenting the shit out of her. Next day we wake up and I want to get out and walk around a bit since we'd been in bed for about 12 hours... just out to Times Square or something or to the coffee shop. She says she hates walking around but says I can go grab coffee if I want (I walk every day, I love it and exercise that way). A little disappointed I'm going alone I go down and buy coffee, she gives me her keys so I can come straight back, it kind of weirded me out she was handing over all her keys to me but I took them and left for about an hour. We go to a bar to watch the Jets game, hoping they'd go to the Superbowl so there'd be a big party, but when we get there I learn she doesn't drink, at all... ever. I also learn, after having a few drinks myself, she's a virgin and the longest relationship she's been in was 3 months long with a guy she only saw every other week. So the Jets are losing and I'm learning all this shit about this girl so I end up drinking two or three more beers and maybe a vodka tonic than I should. I end up passing out on her bed back at her place but not before she tries to get me off again, it works this time but only because I'm finger-banging her the entire time piss drunk.

The next morning we wake up and I try to ascertain her interests once more. She plays me some music from her iTunes library, shows me pictures, tells me how much she loves romantic comedies and tries to explain to me how Glee is the absolute best show on television. I basically can't agree with her on anything, and besides the fact that she's a total sport nut can't think of any interest we share. In fact I think our interests go against one another. She tells me she wants me to to "ask her to be in a relationship" and that she wants me to take away her virginity... I really don't want to sound like I'm bragging but she's really really into me, more than any girl I've dated before. I don't know why though, she says she likes the way I treat her, but I just treat her like I would any other random girl I'm dating - nicely and with respect. Maybe I'm acting too affectionate or overly romantic in general? The last girl that broke my heart said I was clingy but I actually had similar interests with that girl and tried to share them with her... now I don't even know what to do with this girl after the Superbowl is over.

Advice? Please?

P.S. I'm 25 years old and she's 24 (if that matters somehow)

I'm going to be honest with you man, I was laughing so hard throughout the second half of your post.

At first I felt that you were being overly-dramatic and analytical (oh no, she's giving you head before you've really made an intimate connection, what a terrible life), but the bad handjob followed up with the complementing, the Jets losing while you're getting drunk alone, only being able to get off because you're finger banging her when you're drunk... Jesus Christ that was terrific.

Okay, here's my advice: she's a virgin and she sounds like she could be really clingy. If you want to fuck her, then let her know ahead of time that you either just want to take (relationship) things slow, or that you're not looking for one right now. And if she still wants sex after that, then good. If not, no big deal, right? It doesn't sound like you're head over heels for her. Plus I don't think you described her at all in your post, so I'm guessing she's not a knockout.

As for you maybe wanting to get into a relationship... I dunno, you don't sound to upbeat about the prospect with her. I wonder how much of that has to do with her specifically and how much has to do with you generally. I worry when I see you say something like this:

I know after having sex with a girl they're all of a sudden in "let's be in a relationship" mode...

Because it's not true. Not absolute, at least. In hindsight, it may be true of her, but don't take that stance with every girl.

I don't know what your personal situation is- whether you're able to get women or aren't, and I suppose that could affect your decision making process with her. You pretty much just need to ask yourself this:

Do you want to be in a relationship with her (Y/N)? If No, do you want to sleep with her (Y/N)? If Yes, just be upfront with her about what you're looking for.

 

[HappyBivouac]

Man, I don't normally do this GAF, but I need every de-friend-zoning technique known to man.

It's unfortunate that I was already in a relationship when I met this girl a couple years ago, at which point I fell for her hard almost instantly, but was still happy with the relationship I was in. We've been hanging out a ton lately, and she knows I'm crazy about her which is my fault. She downplays it, acts like it doesn't mean anything, and says stuff like "I have none of that sort of feeling for you," then proceeds to ask me to go to movies and stuff and hang out with her, sometimes for upwards of 5, 7, 13 hours in a day. We've got eerily similar tastes in music and a bunch of other stuff, and neither of us has really any friends living around here that share these tastes. I get confusing messages. We'll watch movies/anime together or work on music stuff together (we both make electronic music as well) and she'll sit really close; she's really flirty without realizing it/perhaps without intending it; but from her most straightforward words it's obvious I've been friend zoned pretty bad. Hell, maybe I'm being used.

I've got a serious oneitis problem with this girl, and that hasn't been a thing for me since early high school. She's just that awesome to me. Goddamnit.

 

[soultron]

HB, stop hanging out with her. She's getting attention from you while you're not getting anything that you want.

Start going on dates with other women. Hopefully she will get jealous.

 

[Houston3000]

If you have very little in common, and you guys don't really click with each other's routines/mentalities... What can you do? She really doesn't sound like your type.

edit: Re-read your post. Is there anything positive you've mentioned about her?

She's really into sports, which is awesome. Loves watching football, basketball, tennis etc... she works at a high school in Manhattan where they teach kids sports management. Really steady/cool career and all that.

She's extraordinarily nice to me and treats me amazingly sweet. She's really attracted to my personality and seems to act like I'm the sexiest motherfucker she's ever seen.

She's very non-materialistic and hates when I spend too much money on her. I'm usually willing to spend a lot of money on girls and they're more than glad to take anything I buy them, she insists I never pay and when I do she's very very grateful.

She's hot, is a good kisser, and is horny almost constantly. If I go to her place I'm practically guaranteed to have my hand down her pants in 20 minutes if I want. It's a little crazy though, especially when I'm trying to sleep, but I can't really complain.

We're both from Florida and have family down there, very close to one another actually (we're in NY). Both of us also want to travel around the US a bit, and visit similar places so that's something I guess we have in common. Speaking of which, she lives in Hell's Kitchen, so she's really centrally located and easy to date and her apartment is nice.

She's funny and doesn't seem to have a short temper - she hasn't gotten mad at me at all yet.

 

[soultron]

Houston, it seems like you've not had to work for this. I think you're letting it happen because it's easy and requires no effort from you. Yet, the entire time, you're not really down with it and have to come up with all of these justifications as to why it's actually a good idea to deal with her.

Like Mike said, just be honest with her. It seems like you like things about her, but don't actually like her.

--------------------------------------------------------

EDIT: What do you guys think about FB relationship statuses? It's something I always enjoy looking at. I see several girls who don't have any indication on their profile (be it couple-y pictures or an actual "in a relationship with..." status), yet their boyfriends have all the evidence.

Is it just because they still want to leave the door open for compliments or approaches?

I just think it's funny whenever I see it. Seems like the boyfriends are putting them on a pedestal and fawning over them, while the girlfriend is embarassed or something.

 

[HappyBivouac]

EDIT: What do you guys think about FB relationship statuses? It's something I always enjoy looking at. I see several girls who don't have any indication on their profile (be it couple-y pictures or an actual "in a relationship with..." status), yet their boyfriends have all the evidence.

Is it just because they still want to leave the door open for compliments or approaches?

I just think it's funny whenever I see it. Seems like the boyfriends are putting them on a pedestal and fawning over them, while the girlfriend is embarassed or something.

When my previous girlfriend moved to new york for grad school, she insisted that she have a blank, unspecified relationship status on facebook, and not hint at my existence to people she met. Her reasoning was that at her previous school, as soon as she started dating me her friends gradually stopped inviting her to things much. She thinks people don't want to hang out with someone who isn't single, which I guess may have a little truth to it depending on who you're talking about.

One of the reasons I broke it off, though. Not just the facebook thing obviously, but the whole attitude that she didn't want people to know I existed. Fuck that noise.

edit: just noticed my past two posts make me look like a total flimse. Well, I said those things, I did those things. I can live with that.

 

[SRG01]

Houston, it seems like you've not had to work for this. I think you're letting it happen because it's easy and requires no effort from you. Yet, the entire time, you're not really down with it and have to come up with all of these justifications as to why it's actually a good idea to deal with her.

Like Mike said, just be honest with her. It seems like you like things about her, but don't actually like her.

--------------------------------------------------------

EDIT: What do you guys think about FB relationship statuses? It's something I always enjoy looking at. I see several girls who don't have any indication on their profile (be it couple-y pictures or an actual "in a relationship with..." status), yet their boyfriends have all the evidence.

Is it just because they still want to leave the door open for compliments or approaches?

I just think it's funny whenever I see it. Seems like the boyfriends are putting them on a pedestal and fawning over them, while the girlfriend is embarassed or something.

From the female friends that I know, it's because they don't want to be the center of gossip. Or that their relationship is no one's business.

 

[Houston3000]

I'm going to be honest with you man, I was laughing so hard throughout the second half of your post.

At first I felt that you were being overly-dramatic and analytical (oh no, she's giving you head before you've really made an intimate connection, what a terrible life), but the bad handjob followed up with the complementing, the Jets losing while you're getting drunk alone, only being able to get off because you're finger banging her when you're drunk... Jesus Christ that was terrific.

Okay, here's my advice: she's a virgin and she sounds like she could be really clingy. If you want to fuck her, then let her know ahead of time that you either just want to take (relationship) things slow, or that you're not looking for one right now. And if she still wants sex after that, then good. If not, no big deal, right? It doesn't sound like you're head over heels for her. Plus I don't think you described her at all in your post, so I'm guessing she's not a knockout.

As for you maybe wanting to get into a relationship... I dunno, you don't sound to upbeat about the prospect with her. I wonder how much of that has to do with her specifically and how much has to do with you generally. I worry when I see you say something like this:


Because it's not true. Not absolute, at least. In hindsight, it may be true of her, but don't take that stance with every girl.

I don't know what your personal situation is- whether you're able to get women or aren't, and I suppose that could affect your decision making process with her. You pretty much just need to ask yourself this:

Do you want to be in a relationship with her (Y/N)? If No, do you want to sleep with her (Y/N)? If Yes, just be upfront with her about what you're looking for.

I didn't want to describe her because I don't want to sound like I'm bragging - far from it - she's attractive. I didn't tell you guys yet, but she told me that she just recently lost like 35lbs and in grade school/high school she was heavy. Now she goes to the gym four or so days a week and eats super healthy, I think she just finished some diet regime she was on. Which reminds me, she's a vegetarian aside from chicken (weird), while I love love love meat - especially steak, burgers, and fish. She promises me it doesn't bother her that I eat that stuff or drink though because she "likes a man to be manly" (not my words) but it still slightly bugs me tbh. Maybe she has some sort of black swan syndrome, she treats me like I could just walk away any minute, leave her sitting by herself at the movies or something when I would never be that rude.

As for being able to pick up women easily, I wouldn't go that far but I've been pretty steadily dating different girls for the last couple of months. This one is the only one that I saw four times in one week though and have gotten so far in bed with since my ex (at least, out of the women I've actually *dated*). As for women wanting a relationship after sex. I'm just speaking from experience, I guess I don't attract the kind of women who want casual sex. To be honest though, I'm not really searching for casual sex - I'm kind of overdue for settling in a long-term relationship at this point.

Houston, it seems like you've not had to work for this. I think you're letting it happen because it's easy and requires no effort from you. Yet, the entire time, you're not really down with it and have to come up with all of these justifications as to why it's actually a good idea to deal with her.

Like Mike said, just be honest with her. It seems like you like things about her, but don't actually like her.

That's what I think is going on. I'm not working for this relationship since it's coming so easily from her. Maybe the fact that I'm not reaping satisfaction from the "joy of the hunt" so to speak is keeping me at bay.

 

[Mike Works]

Man, I don't normally do this GAF, but I need every de-friend-zoning technique known to man.

It's unfortunate that I was already in a relationship when I met this girl a couple years ago, at which point I fell for her hard almost instantly, but was still happy with the relationship I was in. We've been hanging out a ton lately, and she knows I'm crazy about her which is my fault. She downplays it, acts like it doesn't mean anything, and says stuff like "I have none of that sort of feeling for you," then proceeds to ask me to go to movies and stuff and hang out with her, sometimes for upwards of 5, 7, 13 hours in a day. We've got eerily similar tastes in music and a bunch of other stuff, and neither of us has really any friends living around here that share these tastes. I get confusing messages. We'll watch movies/anime together or work on music stuff together (we both make electronic music as well) and she'll sit really close; she's really flirty without realizing it/perhaps without intending it; but from her most straightforward words it's obvious I've been friend zoned pretty bad. Hell, maybe I'm being used.

I've got a serious oneitis problem with this girl, and that hasn't been a thing for me since early high school. She's just that awesome to me. Goddamnit.

Find someone else.

 

[HappyBivouac]

HB, stop hanging out with her. She's getting attention from you while you're not getting anything that you want.

Start going on dates with other women. Hopefully she will get jealous.

She either becomes jealous or decides that I'm not for real. As someone who gives the impression that she's not exactly gunning for a relationship of late, the latter seems more likely. But yeah overall not being stuck on this one girl is obviously going to be the best road to take, it's just that if it were any other girl that would be totally easy.

 

[soultron]

She either becomes jealous or decides that I'm not for real. As someone who gives the impression that she's not exactly gunning for a relationship of late, the latter seems more likely. But yeah overall not being stuck on this one girl is obviously going to be the best road to take, it's just that if it were any other girl that would be totally easy.

She's not worth your time. She wants your attention but doesn't want to give you what you want in return. One-sided friendship.

She doesn't sound very pleasant, regardless of what you've said about her being wonderful. Sounds like a user.

 

[soultron]

From the female friends that I know, it's because they don't want to be the center of gossip. Or that their relationship is no one's business.

You'd think that their boyfriends would do that, too. I do know some friends of mine who don't indicate at all that they're in a relationship -- but they're the confident ones.

On the other end of the spectrum I know a guy who's my age (22), is dating a high schooler (18?), and he is all "LOVE LOOOOVEE LOOOOOOVVVVVEEEEE!!" and song lyrics and <3s all over FB. It's kind of sickening, since she doesn't express the same sentiments about him, at least not on FB. He's a hopeless romantic and he goes through a cycle of dating younger girls, fawning over them, and then they move on.

 

[jamesinclair]

I'm going to rant for a bit in a long post because I'm confused and if anyone wants to read it and sort through my thoughts and give me advice it would be wonderful. Sorry if it's jumbled and possibly a little over informative or graphic.

So I met this girl about one week ago at a sports pub out in Manhattan while watching the first Steelers playoff game Saturday, we hit it off pretty good, she's really into sports and we have some good jokes going back and forth so I ask her to come with me to a different bar (since the one we were in was stupidly crowded) to watch the Falcon's game with me, she obliges and we go to watch the game and eat at a bar down the street. Odd thing is she doesn't want any drinks though, says she doesn't want to get sleepy. To make a long story short it goes well and I end up walking her home and getting a nice little make-out session from it. She calls me the next day on Sunday, says she knows it's short notice but wants me to come watch the Jet's game with her - I blow off my plans to hang with my friends and go to meet her at her place. We get about half way through the game before we're making out again and I end up spending the night in her bed. No true sex though, just almost everything but. Monday morning I take the "shameful" subway ride home.

The reason I say shameful is because I realize I don't really know the girl at all. outside of football at least, and was worried it was moving too quickly since I know after having sex with a girl they're all of a sudden in "let's be in a relationship" mode... At least in my past experience. I kind of say to myself I won't see her again for a week at least but she continues to text me throughout the next few days. Come Thursday night she calls me and tells me she had a really bad day at work and wants to see me. I tried to get her to meet me at a coffee shop or movie theater but she insisted she wanted to relax at home and "cuddle" and offers to order pizza. I go to her place, eat pizza, and try to get to know her a little better but aside from learning she hasn't seen a single one of my favorite movies and her favorite genre of music is country and bubble-gum pop (both of which I hate) I learn mostly about her job before it gets sexual again. In the midst of it all I end up promising her I'll watch the Jet's/Steelers game with her if she goes to see The Fighter with me and watches the copy of Goodfella's I let her borrow.

Saturday I meet her and we go and watch The Fighter and then she wants to take me ice skating. I don't ice skate but she really wanted me to with her and insists we do it at Bryant Park (it's free there as opposed to Rockefeller) I go, she rents the skates for us, and it's pretty fun for about 30 minutes until she starts complaining her ankles are hurting. We stop and I go to buy us coffee when I learn she hates coffee (I'm a heavy coffee drinker) but ok, we go back to her place after I have a cup and she wants me to get her off as a "reward" to her because she took me skating. I do it and then she proceeds to give the worst hand job in history in return... she can't get me off and I tell her to let me show her how - she gets sad and I cheer her up by complimenting the shit out of her. Next day we wake up and I want to get out and walk around a bit since we'd been in bed for about 12 hours... just out to Times Square or something or to the coffee shop. She says she hates walking around but says I can go grab coffee if I want (I walk every day, I love it and exercise that way). A little disappointed I'm going alone I go down and buy coffee, she gives me her keys so I can come straight back, it kind of weirded me out she was handing over all her keys to me but I took them and left for about an hour. We go to a bar to watch the Jets game, hoping they'd go to the Superbowl so there'd be a big party, but when we get there I learn she doesn't drink, at all... ever. I also learn, after having a few drinks myself, she's a virgin and the longest relationship she's been in was 3 months long with a guy she only saw every other week. So the Jets are losing and I'm learning all this shit about this girl so I end up drinking two or three more beers and maybe a vodka tonic than I should. I end up passing out on her bed back at her place but not before she tries to get me off again, it works this time but only because I'm finger-banging her the entire time piss drunk.

The next morning we wake up and I try to ascertain her interests once more. She plays me some music from her iTunes library, shows me pictures, tells me how much she loves romantic comedies and tries to explain to me how Glee is the absolute best show on television. I basically can't agree with her on anything, and besides the fact that she's a total sport nut can't think of any interest we share. In fact I think our interests go against one another. She tells me she wants me to to "ask her to be in a relationship" and that she wants me to take away her virginity... I really don't want to sound like I'm bragging but she's really really into me, more than any girl I've dated before. I don't know why though, she says she likes the way I treat her, but I just treat her like I would any other random girl I'm dating - nicely and with respect. Maybe I'm acting too affectionate or overly romantic in general? The last girl that broke my heart said I was clingy but I actually had similar interests with that girl and tried to share them with her... now I don't even know what to do with this girl after the Superbowl is over.

Advice? Please?

P.S. I'm 25 years old and she's 24 (if that matters somehow)

The proper course of actions depends on your morals.

I've actually been in a similar situation...she was a virgin, we didnt have much in common, but we got along well enough.

If you take her virginity, she will be clingy. That's not an if, it's a guarantee.

So you can either get laid, string her along, and try not to see her too often so you don't get bored (aka, use her) or you can break it off now, she'll be hurt, but not as much.

As I said, depends on your morals.

 

[SephCast]

EDIT: What do you guys think about FB relationship statuses? It's something I always enjoy looking at. I see several girls who don't have any indication on their profile (be it couple-y pictures or an actual "in a relationship with..." status), yet their boyfriends have all the evidence.

Is it just because they still want to leave the door open for compliments or approaches?

I just think it's funny whenever I see it. Seems like the boyfriends are putting them on a pedestal and fawning over them, while the girlfriend is embarassed or something.

Don't care about it. I prefer to not have it on my profile. All my photos are private, too. Facebook is a communication tool for me, not a HEY LOOK AT WHAT I DID tool.

 

[BronzeWolf]

OMFG

I am getting nervous! It's been so long since I have been this nervous! I try to cheer me up by rememebering that I made this girl laugh quite a bit and got hert a little bit nervous, but now that I need to say something witty through facebook, I am drawing blanks!

I need something... anything

Spoiler

I hate the indirect approach

 

[HappyBivouac]

She's not worth your time. She wants your attention but doesn't want to give you what you want in return. One-sided friendship.

She doesn't sound very pleasant, regardless of what you've said about her being wonderful. Sounds like a user.

To be fair I'd hate for the friendship to die as much as she would. As a friend, she's awesome; but like most guys, when I meet a girl who is awesome in a friend way, and she's attractive as well, it's impossible for me to leave it at that. I don't think she's a user, I think she's just really clueless and awkward about this sort of situation.

Eh, whatever. I know you guys are right about finding someone else. I knew it before I came in here and said anything.

 

[SRG01]

OMFG

I am getting nervous! It's been so long since I have been this nervous! I try to cheer me up by rememebering that I made this girl laugh quite a bit and got hert a little bit nervous, but now that I need to say something witty through facebook, I am drawing blanks!

I need something... anything

Spoiler

I hate the indirect approach

That's like me trying to send casual texts to a girl :lol I can do flirty or serious, but I can't do casual.

 

[BronzeWolf]

That's like me trying to send casual texts to a girl :lol I can do flirty or serious, but I can't do casual.

Finally got something usable. And she responded like lightning

ME "hey! did you do something with my facebook? I don't seem to be able to send PM's!"
HER"Me? nooooo, "

AND IT'S ON!

 

[neptunes]

How do you go about asking out a cashier, or someone on their job without coming off as creepy. Especially if you don't know them or haven't built a rapport yet.

 

[HappyBivouac]

How do you go about asking out a cashier, or someone on their job without coming off as creepy. Especially if you don't know them or haven't built a rapport yet.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/175280/louie-tarese

 

[K.Jack]

How do you go about asking out a cashier, or someone on their job without coming off as creepy. Especially if you don't know them or haven't built a rapport yet.

I've been there. All you do is flirt enough to let her know you're interested, then write down your number and hand it to her. It isn't a situation where you can comfortably justify asking her if she wants it, so you have to read her body language while you flirtatiously let her do her job. If she's smiling as she goes along and talking back to you, that's her showing interest.

It works really well if you have to sign a credit/debit receipt, because that eliminates the awkwardness of having to find an excuse to have a pen in your hand.

tl;dr - turn swag up to MAX and hand her your number. No corny lines, no requests, just "here".

 

[Scarecrow]

How do I know if I'm over exposing my self, or making myself too available to a girl? This girl and I have been talking through various digital means for the past few days. Don't want to fall into the friend zone, here.

 

[Jamesfrom818]

I've been there. All you do is flirt enough to let her know you're interested, then write down your number and hand it to her. It isn't a situation where you can comfortably justify asking her if she wants it, so you have to read her body language while you flirtatiously let her do her job. If she's smiling as she goes along and talking back to you, that's her showing interest.

It works really well if you have to sign a credit/debit receipt, because that eliminates the awkwardness of having to find an excuse to have a pen in your hand.

tl;dr - turn swag up to MAX and hand her your number. No corny lines, no requests, just "here".

Business cards

 

[Aesius]

I had a disaster of a "date" last night.

This chick and I have been talking a bit lately - we used to have a few classes together, and I always sort of got the vibe that she liked me. Anyway, I ran into her at a bar a couple weeks ago and we've hung out on a friendly basis a few times since then.

Well, last night we were supposed to go out for drinks - definite date material. She wanted me to come over to her house before we went out to have a few beers, so I obliged. We chilled and talked - everything was cool. Then she informs me that her friend is coming over (another female) and will be going out with us. That definitely threw me off, but I went along with it - plus, the friend was pretty damn cute. Like a pre-downward spiral Mischa Barton.

We get to the bar, and suddenly ANOTHER friend shows up. So I'm sitting at the table with three chicks who are blabbering about....whatever...., and I'm drinking heavily. Finally I suggest that we play a drinking game so as to not be completely left out of the conversation, which quickly turned into all three girls talking shit to me as we played. Then, I get up to go buy another pitcher at the bar, and date girl comes up and tells me I come across as being pretentious and a dick. I don't necessarily disagree with those comments, especially when I'm drunk, but I honestly was just trying to not look like a total beta male as these girls were busting my balls at every turn.

When we got back to her house, she immediately disappeared to her bedroom as the two friends passed out on the couch. So I drove home wondering WTF happened.

Highly, highly doubt I'll be talking to her again.

 

[EXGN]

How do you go about asking out a cashier, or someone on their job without coming off as creepy. Especially if you don't know them or haven't built a rapport yet.

"Hey, I think you're absolutely adorable and would love to take you out some time. Give me your number and I'll give you a call after work."

Seriously. I guess you could try being situational, but the fact of the matter is that you likely don't have time to banter back and forth and build rapport, especially if the girl is a cashier and you've got a million people behind you. I can only see that working if she's at work every day at a place you go to every day as well, like a coffee shop before work.

Just be confident and straightforward with the delivery, and be sure not to ask for the number - assume the sale, it's part of the confidence.

 

[Eggo]

I had a disaster of a "date" last night.

This chick and I have been talking a bit lately - we used to have a few classes together, and I always sort of got the vibe that she liked me. Anyway, I ran into her at a bar a couple weeks ago and we've hung out on a friendly basis a few times since then.

Well, last night we were supposed to go out for drinks - definite date material. She wanted me to come over to her house before we went out to have a few beers, so I obliged. We chilled and talked - everything was cool. Then she informs me that her friend is coming over (another female) and will be going out with us. That definitely threw me off, but I went along with it - plus, the friend was pretty damn cute. Like a pre-downward spiral Mischa Barton.

We get to the bar, and suddenly ANOTHER friend shows up. So I'm sitting at the table with three chicks who are blabbering about....whatever...., and I'm drinking heavily. Finally I suggest that we play a drinking game so as to not be completely left out of the conversation, which quickly turned into all three girls talking shit to me as we played. Then, I get up to go buy another pitcher at the bar, and date girl comes up and tells me I come across as being pretentious and a dick. I don't necessarily disagree with those comments, especially when I'm drunk, but I honestly was just trying to not look like a total beta male as these girls were busting my balls at every turn.

When we got back to her house, she immediately disappeared to her bedroom as the two friends passed out on the couch. So I drove home wondering WTF happened.

Highly, highly doubt I'll be talking to her again.

Going out for drinks is not definite date material. I go out for drinks with female friends all the time, and the tone is not that of a date. Sounds like you had a prime opportunity to score, walking into a bar with three hot female friends. If your 'date' wasn't flirting with you, you could have easily talked to any chick at the bar with that social proof, but sounds like you blew it and grew pissy instead.

 

[Aesius]

Going out for drinks is not definite date material. I go out for drinks with female friends all the time, and the tone is not that of a date. Sounds like you had a prime opportunity to score, walking into a bar with three hot female friends. If your 'date' wasn't flirting with you, you could have easily talked to any chick at the bar with that social proof, but sounds like you blew it and grew pissy instead.

It was definite date material leading up to the friend showing up at her house. It had all the common symptoms of a date. But whatever dude. Clearly you know better than I do, and would have fucked all three of them at the same time had you been in my shoes.

 

[TurboLibre]

Finally I suggest that we play a drinking game so as to not be completely left out of the conversation, which quickly turned into all three girls talking shit to me as we played.

Have you played drinking games before? Shit talking is like 90% of the fun.

 

[Barrage]

It was definite date material leading up to the friend showing up at her house. It had all the common symptoms of a date. But whatever dude. Clearly you know better than I do, and would have fucked all three of them at the same time had you been in my shoes.

Did you have any guy friends available at the time that coul've joined you at this bar? Would've given you some more easily available alone time with your Date Girl, plus if her friends dig your friends you got the shit in the bag.

And what kind of shit talk did you give, for them to think you were pretentious?

 

[Eggo]

It was definite date material leading up to the friend showing up at her house. It had all the common symptoms of a date. But whatever dude. Clearly you know better than I do, and would have fucked all three of them at the same time had you been in my shoes.

Do you have any idea how social proof works? You were sitting on a gold mine opportunity, and you couldn't wait to get out of the situation.

 

[Mike Works]

I had a disaster of a "date" last night.

This chick and I have been talking a bit lately - we used to have a few classes together, and I always sort of got the vibe that she liked me. Anyway, I ran into her at a bar a couple weeks ago and we've hung out on a friendly basis a few times since then.

Well, last night we were supposed to go out for drinks - definite date material. She wanted me to come over to her house before we went out to have a few beers, so I obliged. We chilled and talked - everything was cool. Then she informs me that her friend is coming over (another female) and will be going out with us. That definitely threw me off, but I went along with it - plus, the friend was pretty damn cute. Like a pre-downward spiral Mischa Barton.

We get to the bar, and suddenly ANOTHER friend shows up. So I'm sitting at the table with three chicks who are blabbering about....whatever...., and I'm drinking heavily. Finally I suggest that we play a drinking game so as to not be completely left out of the conversation, which quickly turned into all three girls talking shit to me as we played. Then, I get up to go buy another pitcher at the bar, and date girl comes up and tells me I come across as being pretentious and a dick. I don't necessarily disagree with those comments, especially when I'm drunk, but I honestly was just trying to not look like a total beta male as these girls were busting my balls at every turn.

When we got back to her house, she immediately disappeared to her bedroom as the two friends passed out on the couch. So I drove home wondering WTF happened.

Highly, highly doubt I'll be talking to her again.

Doesn't sound like it.

 

[greenry]

I had a disaster of a "date" last night.

This chick and I have been talking a bit lately - we used to have a few classes together, and I always sort of got the vibe that she liked me. Anyway, I ran into her at a bar a couple weeks ago and we've hung out on a friendly basis a few times since then.

Well, last night we were supposed to go out for drinks - definite date material. She wanted me to come over to her house before we went out to have a few beers, so I obliged. We chilled and talked - everything was cool. Then she informs me that her friend is coming over (another female) and will be going out with us. That definitely threw me off, but I went along with it - plus, the friend was pretty damn cute. Like a pre-downward spiral Mischa Barton.

We get to the bar, and suddenly ANOTHER friend shows up. So I'm sitting at the table with three chicks who are blabbering about....whatever...., and I'm drinking heavily. Finally I suggest that we play a drinking game so as to not be completely left out of the conversation, which quickly turned into all three girls talking shit to me as we played. Then, I get up to go buy another pitcher at the bar, and date girl comes up and tells me I come across as being pretentious and a dick. I don't necessarily disagree with those comments, especially when I'm drunk, but I honestly was just trying to not look like a total beta male as these girls were busting my balls at every turn.

When we got back to her house, she immediately disappeared to her bedroom as the two friends passed out on the couch. So I drove home wondering WTF happened.

Highly, highly doubt I'll be talking to her again.

I've been there, thinking you are on a date when the whole time she thought we were just hanging out as friends. Going for drinks when you have already hung out with the person a few times is not a date. Unless of course you used the word "date" but I'm going to guess you didn't. Live and learn, maybe next time don't get angry drunk and you could have hooked up with one of her friends.

 

[Neki]

Did you just tell us you drove home drunk? :X

 

[jamesinclair]

Did you just tell us you drove home drunk? :X

Sounds like it.

Permaban time?

 

[siddx]

Did you just tell us you drove home drunk? :X

oh for fucks sake, please dont drag that into this thread. Regardless of whether he did or not, this is the girl age thread, not the pretend we are perfect human beings who never make stupid choices thread.

 

[Acid08]

Bitches be crazy, amirite ya'll?

 

[hellclerk]

Well, just got back from an off the cuff date with a girl I thought I had a good chance with, and I still think I do have a good chance with her, but fuck me I'm terrible at dating. Sure, I can totally show a girl a good time, but fuck me if I know how to get closer. I just end up failing at provoking any level of physical intimacy. I just don't know where to start while still making sure the girl's comfortable with it. I'm reading the body language, and she was totally comfortable with me being right next to her and hugging her, but I don't know, I'm just really bad with that shit. My charm is in my wit and my academic, I just don't know how to make them work for me...

Damnit, things were easier when I was just getting stood up. :/

 

[Neki]

oh for fucks sake, please dont drag that into this thread. Regardless of whether he did or not, this is the girl age thread, not the pretend we are perfect human beings who never make stupid choices thread.

Doesn't justify it if he did, but at least you find it agreeable that it's stupid.

 

[MetalGuardian]

GAF, I feel like I may be at a crossroads and I need some input.

In Kindergarten, when all of the boys were running away from the girls on the playground and saying they had cooties, I was thinking "Golly gee, I can't wait until I'm an adult and I can be in love and get married to a wonderful girl!" Throughout life, that has been the one ultimate goal I've wanted to achieve. This is probably helpful in explaining why I get one-itis easier than a Wall Street executive gets a several million dollar bonus. The problem, of course, is that one-itis is a fucking terrible condition to regularly find yourself in.

Last year I went through the most painful experience of my life, due to getting stuck on a girl. We were both into each other, she represented everything I had always looked for in a partner, but due to circumstances outside of our control there was no way for it to ever work out. I'm still recovering from it, but I feel like the ordeal pushed me to a breaking point.

I'm still a virgin. I've always wanted to save it for someone with whom I'm in a meaningful relationship with. After all, I've always had a very specific goal of finding a wonderful woman to settle down with. And if I find her, I don't necessarily care if I don't have sex with anyone else. In fact I'd RATHER only be intimate with her. But all of my life experience so far has indicated to me that this philosophy only helps perpetuate the mindset of one-itis, and thus makes you much more susceptible to the emotional havoc that women can wreak. I'm tired of the bullshit caused by chasing after this ideal, and I've vowed to not go through that trauma again.

So, here is the dilema. I'm at a state school, with no short supply of horny girls. And lately, my libido feels like it's on crack. It's never been this active, and this "self-control" of trying to force myself to wait for somebody who is worth it is driving me insane. If I actually tried, I could probably get my kill count from zero to the double digits by the end of the year. And I'm incredibly tempted to do that. It would not only give me experience and fun, but also probably help change my mindset. But do I really want that? When I said I've been thinking of finding the right girl since age 5, I wasn't exaggerating. And while I know man-whores can still end up finding love, that is never the approach I've wanted to take. If my future wife was screwing everyone that hit on her while in college, I would be very upset by that. So it would be hypocritical of me to do the same.

I'm not implying that I think being sexually active outside of marriage is immoral... far from it. I've had opportunities last semester to have sex, and I'm glad I didn't go through with it because I don't want my first time to be on some drunk chick I take home from a party. But maybe it's just the initial stigma of it all, and I really would be better off getting it over with and experiencing as many women as I can. Perhaps it would be best for my long term sanity, so I get out of the cycle of getting attached so easily. But then again, if one-itis is so bad, what separates that from love? It's confusing to think through

tl;dr: I'm a virgin frustrated with holding out for the "right one". I'm torn between continuing to work towards my long held goal of only being intimate with girls I'm in a meaningful relationship with and changing my philosophy to become a lady killer, to avoid both emotional pain and lonely nights. If I've had this belief and goal for so long, would it be irresponsible to drastically throw it away now due to some bad past experiences, or should I say fuck it and try a different approach and see what happens?

 

[Luscious LeftFoot]

You're missing out waiting for this ideal girl and perfect relationship to come along. They don't exist.

Get out there, meet people, fuck bitches, experience the highs and lows of relationships. So that when the right girl for you does come along, not only will you know it, but you'll be emotionally ready and mature enough to handle it.

 

[hellclerk]

tl;dr: I'm a virgin frustrated with holding out for the "right one". I'm torn between continuing to work towards my long held goal of only being intimate with girls I'm in a meaningful relationship with and changing my philosophy to become a lady killer, to avoid both emotional pain and lonely nights. If I've had this belief and goal for so long, would it be irresponsible to drastically throw it away now due to some bad past experiences, or should I say fuck it and try a different approach and see what happens?

You're not the only one here with that problem dude, there are a number of us, myself included, but don't confuse emotional frustration for sexual frustration. Another issue is the idea of "holding out". It's a bullshit notion. A girl's not just gonna fall into your lap. I wouldn't suggest going out and fucking everything with a pulse, but why don't you use that sort of situation to your advantage with hanging out and flirting instead of implying you wanna hook up at a drunken party. Seriously, if you think you could fill your bedpost with notches from one night stands, you should be able to do as well with getting a steady girl. You don't have to become a lady killer, you should just change your expectations. You won't get love at first sight.

 

[Eggo]

Oneitis sob story

How have your relationships been? Have you been able to keep a girl longer than two years? If yes, then you may be fine if it's working for you. If you can't stay with someone longer than six months, then your virginity may be impacting your ability to connect with someone. You need relationship experience, or you will not be able to hold onto Ms Right when you do eventually meet her.

 

[PoliceCop]

From the female friends that I know, it's because they don't want to be the center of gossip. Or that their relationship is no one's business.

Lolz. Doesn't sound like women to me.

 

[RefigeKru]

I've decided to ask out the girl I was previously sworn off, I'd rather know if I had a chance. If not, I'll go for another girl.

If you've known a girl for a while, and hang with her a lot but haven't really made your intentions known -- how do you go about asking her out? Randomly throw out the fact I like her and hope she responds?

"I like you" doesn't have the ring it used to, plus I got no gaem

 

[SRG01]

Lolz. Doesn't sound like women to me.

90% of my friends are women.

 

[SRG01]

So I've thought about my situation a bit more: I'm going to give it one or two more dates to see how it goes. It doesn't help that she's so wantonly attractive, but I can't help but think that she may not be a good choice for me.

If it comes down to it, better to cut it off early than to do it when I'm emotionally attached.

edit: I just thought of something about me and my ex early on that relates to this situation. My ex and I got "drunk" on each other so often that we often lost sight of things.

 

[BronzeWolf]

Hello Mr. Paer, I'll read your text, hope you don't get mad at me, ok?

GAF, I feel like I may be at a crossroads and I need some input.

In Kindergarten, when all of the boys were running away from the girls on the playground and saying they had cooties, I was thinking "Golly gee, I can't wait until I'm an adult and I can be in love and get married to a wonderful girl!" Throughout life, that has been the one ultimate goal I've wanted to achieve.

What a shitty goal! Your goal shouldn't be GET MARRIED LOLStm, it should be: be as happy and comfy with yourself as you can! If that includes Marriage, then good, but marriage will not bring happiness in and by itself. Knock it down.

This is probably helpful in explaining why I get one-itis easier than a Wall Street executive gets a several million dollar bonus. The problem, of course, is that one-itis is a fucking terrible condition to regularly find yourself in.

Last year I went through the most painful experience of my life, due to getting stuck on a girl. We were both into each other, she represented everything I had always looked for in a partner, but due to circumstances outside of our control there was no way for it to ever work out. I'm still recovering from it, but I feel like the ordeal pushed me to a breaking point.

I hate when people don't tell the whole story. WHAT WHERE SAID CIRCUMSTANCES. If you guys broke up, I can assure you she wasn't as much into you as you into her. But I can't really say so for sure, unless I know the details.

I'm still a virgin.

So what? Who cares?

I've always wanted to save it for someone with whom I'm in a meaningful relationship with. After all, I've always had a very specific goal of finding a wonderful woman to settle down with. And if I find her, I don't necessarily care if I don't have sex with anyone else. In fact I'd RATHER only be intimate with her. But all of my life experience so far has indicated to me that this philosophy only helps perpetuate the mindset of one-itis, and thus makes you much more susceptible to the emotional havoc that women can wreak. I'm tired of the bullshit caused by chasing after this ideal, and I've vowed to not go through that trauma again.

Good! because it's stupid to go on living without having a little fun.

So, here is the dilema. I'm at a state school, with no short supply of horny girls. And lately, my libido feels like it's on crack.

That's called EVOLUTION. You want to do the sexy procreation dance!

It's never been this active, and this "self-control" of trying to force myself to wait for somebody who is worth it is driving me insane. If I actually tried, I could probably get my kill count from zero to the double digits by the end of the year. And I'm incredibly tempted to do that. It would not only give me experience and fun, but also probably help change my mindset.

Sound great doesn't it?

But do I really want that? When I said I've been thinking of finding the right girl since age 5, I wasn't exaggerating. And while I know man-whores can still end up finding love, that is never the approach I've wanted to take.

Do you realize that people change over time? The person you are right now, the one who is in college and getting around all this hot chicks is not the same 5 year old children. People change over time, they usually get better, more rational and less idealistic. What you had at age 5 was a dream, a beautiful dream, but one that has almost no connection to how relationships work in reality. This clash with reality is causing you to go through a terribly stress.

The person you are right now, is a 5 year old children struggling to keep with a 18+ body. And this 5 year old children in a 18+ body is not happy

If my future wife was screwing everyone that hit on her while in college, I would be very upset by that. So it would be hypocritical of me to do the same.

First of all, not many girls screw with everyone that hits on them. Knock that off because it's stupid and is NOT connected to reality. Not all girls that have sex are whores, and I could resent you saying that because that implies that the wonderful girls I have been with ARE WHORES just because they decided to live their sexuality.

In fact, most girls are very sensitive about who they have sex with, and protect their intimacy a lot.

I'm not implying that I think being sexually active outside of marriage is immoral... far from it.

Oh, but you are, because if it wasn't immoral, you would have no problem with it.

I've had opportunities last semester to have sex, and I'm glad I didn't go through with it because I don't want my first time to be on some drunk chick I take home from a party. But maybe it's just the initial stigma of it all, and I really would be better off getting it over with and experiencing as many women as I can.

I am not saying it's going to be better or not. But you will regret it later if you don't

Perhaps it would be best for my long term sanity, so I get out of the cycle of getting attached so easily. But then again, if one-itis is so bad, what separates that from love? It's confusing to think through

One-itis isn't love. Love is what you make of it, and if this "love" is making you so fucking sad, well, fuck love. Love is subjective and you can name anything "love". It doesn't make it good or desirable. So just fuck it! Live a little for fuck's sake! You deserve that to yourself

tl;dr: I'm a virgin frustrated with holding out for the "right one". I'm torn between continuing to work towards my long held goal of only being intimate with girls I'm in a meaningful relationship with and changing my philosophy to become a lady killer, to avoid both emotional pain and lonely nights. If I've had this belief and goal for so long, would it be irresponsible to drastically throw it away now due to some bad past experiences, or should I say fuck it and try a different approach and see what happens?

if what you are doing is making you unhappy, why the fuck do you still do it?

 

[SRG01]

I agree with what BronzeWolf is saying: Just because a girl is sexually active doesn't mean she's easy.

Normal people enjoy sex. That's how it's supposed to be.

 

[SRG01]

Oh, and one more thing I want to say before I leave for my dinner with a friend:

Pascal's Wager applied to relationships is the single most hardest lesson you will ever learn in your life. Faith and trust is hard, and we all fall off the wagon sometimes, but they are vital to any relationship you have.

 

[Shawsie64]

Man, I don't normally do this GAF, but I need every de-friend-zoning technique known to man.

It's unfortunate that I was already in a relationship when I met this girl a couple years ago, at which point I fell for her hard almost instantly, but was still happy with the relationship I was in. We've been hanging out a ton lately, and she knows I'm crazy about her which is my fault. She downplays it, acts like it doesn't mean anything, and says stuff like "I have none of that sort of feeling for you," then proceeds to ask me to go to movies and stuff and hang out with her, sometimes for upwards of 5, 7, 13 hours in a day. We've got eerily similar tastes in music and a bunch of other stuff, and neither of us has really any friends living around here that share these tastes. I get confusing messages. We'll watch movies/anime together or work on music stuff together (we both make electronic music as well) and she'll sit really close; she's really flirty without realizing it/perhaps without intending it; but from her most straightforward words it's obvious I've been friend zoned pretty bad. Hell, maybe I'm being used.

I've got a serious oneitis problem with this girl, and that hasn't been a thing for me since early high school. She's just that awesome to me. Goddamnit.

From experience break off contact, forget about her.. its hard and you feel like shit for a while but when your over her it feels sooo good went through same thing as you last few months.