Relix said:
This you can never be your friend's boyfriend is bullshit. My best friend became my GF and we went out for over a year. It was awesome since we had the "friend" background and we knew a lot about each other so things were smooth. Sadly we called it quits because I was a bit of a cheating asshole but hey... one learns from mistakes! We still talk and go out, so in a way its cool.
Your lover should be your friend. At least that's how I see it. Or maybe I am totally wrong and that's why I've gotten friendzoned twice in the last 72 hours. Such bullshit haha.
I look for the same thing. Don't think its necessary to start off with, but its what I go for.
And now a story! A much shortened version of this story. Once, when asked, I retold how we ended up together in two hours.
Came out of a mediocre relationship early on in college, and right away met a fantastic girl. Unfortunately she had a boyfriend. I kept looking and dating around, but the two of us became best friends over the course of a year and a half. Her boyfriend breaks up with her, I'm not seeing anyone...and I make no move. She's my friend, damnit! Three months go by, and eventually I make a move.
Our relationship started off fantastically because of our friendship. From the beginning people were asking when we would get married. We were inseparable when around each other, but had our own lives. Despite being the same age, I graduated two years before her, and head out into the professional world. After my term-limited job ends, the recession has sunk in and I come out unemployed. She struggles with one higher level math class that forces her into her sixth year. Both took their toll on each of us. She started getting frustrated and pushed me away, while I became sad and withdrawn. She is from a small town, and I from just outside the city. Less and less did she venture out of her town. She went to Italy for ten days with her church choir, and during that time I decided that enough was enough. I started seeing everything in her that I disliked. But something happened inside me. I went further, trying to find what I was doing wrong. She came back wanting to end things. A few months later she feels more in love with me than before. She graduated, immediately got offered a teaching position. I had part-time employment now. And then she starts pushing me away again. We talk about it. She changes what she is doing each time, for a week. Despite not being exactly happy, I am still in love. My plan is to purpose to her six months after she starts at her job. Working side jobs I've saved enough money for a ring. We had a huge fight at Christmas. We talked, again. First, deciding to take a break for a month. A week later deciding we were ending the break and were going to work things out, slowly. She asks me to talk to her confidant, and I ask her to talk to mine, so we'd each have a better idea of how to go on. I talk to hers. She gets referred, by a guy who works with her, a book to read in the hopes it will help us, the
5 Love Languages. It's billed as Christian inspirational so I'm weary, but give it a try. It's actually pretty good, and more rooted in social sciences than Christian teachings. I get hopeful. I get offered a full time job, in my field, close to her but far away from family and friends. I accept. Two weeks go by. This past Friday, she told me she believes us to be going in two different directions. That she loves me, but only in a general way. Four years, and done.
Now I feel utterly worthless. Over the past year and a half it seems like she didn't give any serious effort towards our relationship. In hind sight. Well, only kind of. I noticed it, wrote about it, during that time. When I looked at myself, seeing what I could be doing better and she fell back in love, she never took the same step. I talked to her her confidant. She didn't do the same. I saw us described everywhere in the book. She only saw how she communicates, brushing the book off as simply nice.
Thank God for friends. In the past week, a good friend and her fiance have been lobbying me to head on out to visit them in San Francisco, another friend to visit him in Boston, went out drinking with another friend, and other friends have been calling. So I guess I don't feel totally worthless. Just mostly.
And now I'm moving. And having to piece life back together. And she still wants to be friends. Even said who know she might be a better friend than girlfriend. Ugh.
siddx said:
So the girl I am seeing apparently saw me surfing gaf and this thread in particular and now drops in every so often to read through it. So if you are reading this... I am putting it in your butt this weekend and there isn't a god damn thing you can do about it.
And this makes me feel better. :jakncoke
