manipulate
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DON'T RUIN IT
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Girl/Dating Age Part 2: A combined effort to give advice for those in need
- Thread starter -PXG-
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DON'T RUIN IT
I was actually in a situation pretty much exactly like this a few months ago. Except it wasn't just an ex she was getting over, it was her ex fiance.
If you really like her as much as you say you do, and you believe that she is telling you the truth, then stick with her for a while and see where it goes. As long as you keep it in your mind that there is the possibility of nothing happening between you two because she isn't ready yet then you don't have much to lose. Use this time to get to know her better. This way once you (hopefully) start dating you two will have a pretty decent bond. If you don't want to wait around for the girl then don't. You have every right to do so. I wouldn't really let a girl that I had strong feelings for just walk away though. It'll be hard for a while to just be her friend but if things work out it will be worth it in the long run.
It sounds like she changed her mind about dating you but still wants the attention. You're right she wouldn't be doing this with a guy she really liked. You can hang around hoping untill she realizes you're the one or untill she introduces you to her new boyfriend. But either way wouldn't it just be better to find another girl that is into you? It doesn't even sound like you guys even went on that many dates.
AdventureRacing
Member
Well she is meeting you again at her place next week so i think that kinda answers your question. Also don't get too hung up on where you think you should be at in a relationship. If things move slowly and you are both happy with it that's perfectly fine.
Personally that sounds sort of similar to how my relationship went at the start. Don't over think things it sounds like you're doing fine.
give it to her, deep.
but seriously, you just need to keep acting cool while flirting with her. what do you want? a gf or a fb?
If anyone has been keeping up, I spoke to my ex last week and things went as well as they could have. I told her all of the things that I'm doing better for myself and she was happy and a little upset that it was happening now. Later this past weekend she came by and dropped off a bunch of my sweatshirts, clothes, books, etc that I gave her. That was a rough day.
I have tried to stay in contact with her, but I can already tell she's not really that interested in talking to me on more than a professional friend basis. I say professional friend because that's how our conversations go now. I would like to get back together with her, but she puts up that wall and our conversations turn into a corporate dialogue.
It also seems like she is giving me mixed signals. I've spoken to her on 4 different occasions since last week and on two of those days she told me that she still means everything she ever said, yet at the same time she tries to keep everything very friend zone-ish. In all honesty, I think she doesn't know what she wants at this point.
I have no idea what to do. Should I continue popping in from time to time or just not talk to her again until atleast Christmas?
Oh yeah and an update with how my date went with that other girl. She's very attractive and has a nice smile, but damn is she dull. We went out to a driving range and then went back to her place for a few glasses of wine. The date went well and we did enjoy each others' company, but she is dull.
I think I'm going to continue going to basketball games with her. That's where I met her and we both love our college team so I guess that's where I'm going to run with that one.
I have tried to stay in contact with her, but I can already tell she's not really that interested in talking to me on more than a professional friend basis. I say professional friend because that's how our conversations go now. I would like to get back together with her, but she puts up that wall and our conversations turn into a corporate dialogue.
It also seems like she is giving me mixed signals. I've spoken to her on 4 different occasions since last week and on two of those days she told me that she still means everything she ever said, yet at the same time she tries to keep everything very friend zone-ish. In all honesty, I think she doesn't know what she wants at this point.
I have no idea what to do. Should I continue popping in from time to time or just not talk to her again until atleast Christmas?
Oh yeah and an update with how my date went with that other girl. She's very attractive and has a nice smile, but damn is she dull. We went out to a driving range and then went back to her place for a few glasses of wine. The date went well and we did enjoy each others' company, but she is dull.
I think I'm going to continue going to basketball games with her. That's where I met her and we both love our college team so I guess that's where I'm going to run with that one.
Bucket-o-roadkill
Member
so 2 days later after the wandering hands date, she hasn't contacted me, and I guess I haven't really bothered seeking her out either. Commented on something on her fb page but she didn't really acknowledge it lol.
I figure I'll send her a text today to see how she's doing, will probably catch hell for not texting for 2 days, ha.
I'm really not feeling it I guess.
Concert date coming up with the other girl on saturday, she's seeing another guy, and is pretty open about it on fb as well, so it's no big deal. We were having a convo in one of her status updates and she eventually turned it into figuring out what our plans for saturday were. Luckily I'm not a jealous person and can deal with someone dating another person until things get serious, but I know plenty who aren't.
I figure I'll send her a text today to see how she's doing, will probably catch hell for not texting for 2 days, ha.
I'm really not feeling it I guess.
Concert date coming up with the other girl on saturday, she's seeing another guy, and is pretty open about it on fb as well, so it's no big deal. We were having a convo in one of her status updates and she eventually turned it into figuring out what our plans for saturday were. Luckily I'm not a jealous person and can deal with someone dating another person until things get serious, but I know plenty who aren't.
lol we had a conversation with my university buddy today. He says that younger girls are much more "pervert" than girls of our generation used to because they are exposed to porn from very young age. He was talking from his personal experience. Can someone "confirm" this? I've dated only women of my age (or 3 years younger). He's talking about 20-year old girls.
He also mentioned how he was at the part where majority of people were quite young (20-22) and most of them payed more attention to their tablets and smartphones than people around. I don't get this. Why go to the party if you end up on Facebook anyway?
He also mentioned how he was at the part where majority of people were quite young (20-22) and most of them payed more attention to their tablets and smartphones than people around. I don't get this. Why go to the party if you end up on Facebook anyway?
Don't be too jealous. I used to have no luck at all outside of a couple of lucky shots. I have just been lucky the past few months I guess. I looked at my profile after I posted that reply and couldn't really understand why I'm getting so many hits. Something about it just works. I'll take the recent crop of girls I'm getting though.
Except I did get this one message from this girl that just asked me "So do u pop lock n drop it?" Her face scared me
.There's nothing cryptic about what she said. She likes you and can see herself dating you, but she needs some time after a recent breakup to sort herself out. You should want that time too so you aren't the rebound guy.
Just have fun and don't pressure the girl for a relationship.
Etrian Oddity
Member
This is unbelievably true. It makes cold approaches impossible because they have earphones in and there's no natural way to do it without being creeper.
I mean i'm down with hooking up with her at the very least. I'll just keep doing what i've been doing so far I suppose.
It's just I haven't had much experience with girls despite the fact that i'm a pretty attractive guy.
I don't know how to transition the flirting to something more intimate. She comes into my room every so often. She was in my room last night cuz she wanted some orange juice from my fridge cuz she said she was sick or something.
Don't worry about it, I also had my third date last friday and it went great again and we're meeting again next friday.
Just go for it when it feels right, that's what I'm planning to do.
brucewaynegretzky
Member
Everything she was saying made sense to me up until I read this part... This girl may just be really dramatic. If this was some big relationship that just ended I would understand, but 4 months? Yeah she should be able to move on. It doesn't seem like it's you. If you're interested I'd just keep talking/texting with her and see her every once in a while. Don't try and push it. Then talk to her after she's been back for a little while about the two of you.
luckyboyceo
Member
I think you should try moving on. It sounds like she's pretty content with not being in a relationship and I doubt she changes her mind anytime soon. I know it sucks, but don't get into the same situation I was in this past summer, where I was hanging around waiting for my ex to change her mind, only for her to get a new boyfriend and leave me to deal with an even harder emotional situation.
I'd definitely advise not talking to her till Christmas, and even after then. See where things go with that other girl, maybe she'll begin to open up. The sooner your start to move on the sooner you'll get over her. Start today.
Maybe send a text to check in, but if she doesn't respond or sends a lackluster response, then forget about it. As you said yourself, you're not really feeling it anyways.
Move your focus to the concert girl, it sounds like she's a better fit anyways. If she's just hanging out with this other guy I wouldn't sweat it, after all, that's what you've been doing too. Show her a good time and hopefully you guys will be able to hang out more in the future.
Yeah I'm not worried about concert girl seeing someone else too. Would be kinda hypocritical of me lol. Just kinda strange she was making plans on a status on her page he had just clicked like on. Guess I'm not used to a girl being that open/not give a fuck towards that type of thing before even meeting. Although to be fair I've been with some really odd girls.
NihonTiger90
Member
Yeah, good to see you have the right mentality here.
No progress yet on the OKC front. Just a few more profile views tied to messages I've sent out, but no message back. I think I'll take a few more photos and see if that helps.
Or I could just not be very good looking to females and that's killing me.
NeOak
Member
This kinda happened to me. She backed off and told me the usual "you're special" shit. 2 months later, she becomes the girlfriend of a guy who she dated for 5 weeks.
Fucking Bitch.
Honestly, i can't stress this enough: BAIL OUT!!!!!!
Yeah, good to see you have the right mentality here.
No progress yet on the OKC front. Just a few more profile views tied to messages I've sent out, but no message back. I think I'll take a few more photos and see if that helps.
Or I could just not be very good looking to females and that's killing me.
Try lowering the standards on who you message. You're more likely to get a response from a 5/10 who receives 5 messages a day vs 7-8/10 that is sifting through 30-40+ messages. If they message you back, you're not locked into dating them. Who knows, you could become friends and meet their cute friends.
NihonTiger90
Member
Been trying to do that
So far I'm not getting anything from those who might be a 5/10 than I'm not getting from those who are a 7 or 8/10.TheSchwab_7
Member
How do you deal with a rebound? I feel like I have to prove something to my ex now that she has a boyfriend, who is also the complete opposite of me.
Rahxephon91
Banned
Can you ask a girl out even if you never really talked to her before? Or is that just creepy?
Simple. Move on. She did. Forget her and go out to the millions of other ladies waiting for your approach.
by not caring about proving yourself
brucewaynegretzky
Member
Kill the new guy. Prove your superiority.
Yes, you can ask her out but first you have to strike up a conversation to break the ice. Ask her out for a cup of coffee and it will go from there.
First off, congrats on the kiss.
Second, the age factor is tricky. 18 is young, no other way to spin it. In my experience, dating teenagers is usually only good for sex and/or fooling around. Even though she acts much older than her age, she's still considerably less experienced than yourself in ....everything. You can't go out for drinks, visit certain clubs, etc. because of that age restriction.
As for the the religious aspect, as long as you aren't an asshole about asking for sex, and respect her wishes, she might be open to it. Besides, bible freaks tend to be just that in bed. Freaks.
IMO, if you want a solid relationship out this, dating teenagers is such a gamble. Most of the time don't know what they want in life, change their mind every few months, and are inexperienced.
But hey, you're young as well. I'd personally go with the flow, don't expect anything out of it, and ultimately have some fun. Bring us a story out of it.
Come on, these kinds of advice don't really help anyone.
That latest Brent video was awesome, cubs :O One of his best yet.
Bucket-o-roadkill
Member
Haha I've given this a lot of thought. Dropping my standards. I often wonder if my ex girl friends haven't worked out purely because I wasen't good enough for them. My latest ex especially, I'll never forget being out with her on a romantic walk only for some old guy to start chatting to us and point out how she was 'far too good' for me and she could do a lot better. If I ever see him again I'll push him off the cliff, the fucking ass hole. I've never felt so mortified in all my life. What a fucking bastard, how dare he do that to me.
You take that the totally wrong way. If you weren't good enough for them then why would they be with you? I absolutely love it when someone tries to pull that kind of stunt with me. I usually just smile and think to myself that he's just jealous he can't have a girl like mine. A girl isn't going to date someone that they think isn't good enough for them. People date people for lots of reasons but they normally don't date someone that they think isn't good enough for them. Instead of being so bothered by a situation like that just look at it in a better light. Or to maximize the jealousy factor of the situation just respond back with a U MAD BRO? response and then kiss your gf in front of the guy.
Also just for some lulz, my name is Brent and whenever someone brings up other Brent's videos I think they are talking about me.
Ready Up Already
Neo Member
Serious question - how are your photos being taken? I got a friend who's a photography buff to basically do a photoshoot of me with his SLR. I'm a solid 6.5 on a good day and the super high quality of the SLR pics bumped me up to...well, a 7. Maybe.Yeah, good to see you have the right mentality here.
No progress yet on the OKC front. Just a few more profile views tied to messages I've sent out, but no message back. I think I'll take a few more photos and see if that helps.
Or I could just not be very good looking to females and that's killing me.
The SLR pics look so much better than phone/non-SLR camera pics that I hardly use others. I just need more pictures now; I'm not a big photo guy anyway so I have very few pics of myself to choose from, especially ones that can be considered good enough for a dating site.
I've had a decent amount of girls, many fairly attractive, message me based on my profile. My record in getting responses to my initial messages aren't faring so well though - I'm like 1 for 5 right now. Starting to expand my horizons...
Attackthebase
Member
I tend to get a 50% change of hearing back from someone when I send them a message. Probably get a message from someone once every week or so on an average, sometimes a few times a week, sometimes nothing. Depends on how active I feel on the site really.
Anyway, I'm sure some of the guys here would probably like to see what your profile contains to help them better their chances of getting replies. If it's truly your profile, I'm sure someone here will recognize the key component within your profile and spread the gospel.
NihonTiger90
Member
Regular camera. And I'm in the same boat on initial messages, so it's a common thing, it seems.
Agreed. It seems my messages are favorable enough that they come check me out but then I don't hear back from them. So maybe something is still wrong with my profile, lol.
Good grief man just go out and smash already. All this indecisiveness on your part will bring you nowhere. You know what you need to do: just ask.
Seriously. I can see being gunshy the first time, but they want to watch porn with you again? Take the goddamn hint.
Atramental
Banned
Are you saying that girls and guys can't get together and watch porn purely for entertainment? Not everything has to lead to sex you know! Jeeze.
totally not being serious.
Kad5, that girl wants you inside her.
Alright since you two asked I'll link my profile. It really isn't anything special so I don't know what someone could learn from it. Here
Vigilant Walrus
Member
Dear GAF, I write because I am in need. In the past I have gotten great use out of this thread, so I hope that you can help me again. Thanks so much for past great advice!
I've been with this girl for 7-8 months. Then we broke up. She had started a second major at university(special case) on medicine, and basically she said she didn't have time for me. We told each other, that we loved one another, and kissed and had sex.
We agreed to wait for each until her semester was over, and she would have more free time. The deal was to write romantic love letters. That would be our communication. It seemed like a good idea and it was for a while. The first exchange of letters was amazing, were we like 15 year old teenagers would write our feelings. Very sappy, very emotional, but really nice.
We had a special rule. "Emergencies". In case of emergency one was allowed to call or come over if we missed each other too much. We live 30 minutes apart so it's no biggie. She called a few times(after a week and a half since we made our agreement) and then after two weeks after that. Meeting each like that was intense. The sex was great and intense and we just really had a good time, in those few hours we would be together.
Some weeks pass... I go to paris, she finishes an exam, I come home and she invites me over for dinner because she missed me so much. We have a great evening, go to bed, have morning sex, and I am happy and content and could easily wait for her for 6 months. I was not clingy, I never called her, but replied on everything she sent.
Same morning though, I write her a text saying thanks for last night.
But I never get a reply. This was mere hours after I left. A week passes, and I send her a new love letter. I send her a text later that I have sent it and she should check her mail. No response.
Another week passes and I am getting worried. What if something happened? did I do something wrong? She is always extremely punctual about these sorts of things. Could it be another guy? did she fail an exam? did she get depressed?
I sent her a text asking if everything is okay. No reply. I leave a message on her answering machine saying, that it's fine if she does not want to see me anymore, but if she could just please let me know if she was allright, so I didnt have to worry about her health and wellbeing.
She finally texts back. She had been busy, and been studying and working until late, and that was all she had been doing.
I write back, that I am thankful for her reply so I didnt have to worry.
She writes back: "just trying to stay on top and make it"
And I didn't reply to that. That's two weeks ago now, and I am feeling shitty about this.
On one hand, I hear nothing from her, and I think it's not very nice when we had a deal. It makes me think that she is trying to push me away... breaking up with me without confrontation. But ending a relationship after six months like that? well we were not together but we had an agreement, and we were in love(we both said)!
On the other hand... What do I have to lose? I don't know what to think.
I want to do the Alpha thing, but when I love the damn thing and don't want to part with her. But I can't denie that my trust in her have been damaged. It's not a nice thing to do, but she has always been so great!
Do I contact her? I ask for closure. I don't think I can go without an answer to why and if. I feel like I am still waiting for her to come around and tell me some logical conclusion to her lack of reply and interest.
I'm not jealous, but I guess it shows lack of self esteem that I am worried that she has found another guy.
She has my keys and I have hers. I am moving out of my apartment soon and I need them. She also has some of my clothes, but I have none of her stuff.
If I contact her and she confirms my fears - she has been sleeping around, doesn't love me anymore etc... then it will hurt really bad, but at least I won't go around hoping for the best?
But on the other hand if she just is really really stressed to the brink of crazy and I start all sort of emotional sentimental shit, she might see me as needy and a problem. What if she still has feelings but just pushed me away?
My impression of her have always been that she is honest, doesn't cheat, and a good person. But also that she is easily persuaded, and perhaps an easy victim if drunk... but aren't most women?
Please help gaf.
I've been with this girl for 7-8 months. Then we broke up. She had started a second major at university(special case) on medicine, and basically she said she didn't have time for me. We told each other, that we loved one another, and kissed and had sex.
We agreed to wait for each until her semester was over, and she would have more free time. The deal was to write romantic love letters. That would be our communication. It seemed like a good idea and it was for a while. The first exchange of letters was amazing, were we like 15 year old teenagers would write our feelings. Very sappy, very emotional, but really nice.
We had a special rule. "Emergencies". In case of emergency one was allowed to call or come over if we missed each other too much. We live 30 minutes apart so it's no biggie. She called a few times(after a week and a half since we made our agreement) and then after two weeks after that. Meeting each like that was intense. The sex was great and intense and we just really had a good time, in those few hours we would be together.
Some weeks pass... I go to paris, she finishes an exam, I come home and she invites me over for dinner because she missed me so much. We have a great evening, go to bed, have morning sex, and I am happy and content and could easily wait for her for 6 months. I was not clingy, I never called her, but replied on everything she sent.
Same morning though, I write her a text saying thanks for last night.
But I never get a reply. This was mere hours after I left. A week passes, and I send her a new love letter. I send her a text later that I have sent it and she should check her mail. No response.
Another week passes and I am getting worried. What if something happened? did I do something wrong? She is always extremely punctual about these sorts of things. Could it be another guy? did she fail an exam? did she get depressed?
I sent her a text asking if everything is okay. No reply. I leave a message on her answering machine saying, that it's fine if she does not want to see me anymore, but if she could just please let me know if she was allright, so I didnt have to worry about her health and wellbeing.
She finally texts back. She had been busy, and been studying and working until late, and that was all she had been doing.
I write back, that I am thankful for her reply so I didnt have to worry.
She writes back: "just trying to stay on top and make it
"And I didn't reply to that. That's two weeks ago now, and I am feeling shitty about this.
On one hand, I hear nothing from her, and I think it's not very nice when we had a deal. It makes me think that she is trying to push me away... breaking up with me without confrontation. But ending a relationship after six months like that? well we were not together but we had an agreement, and we were in love(we both said)!
On the other hand... What do I have to lose? I don't know what to think.
I want to do the Alpha thing, but when I love the damn thing and don't want to part with her. But I can't denie that my trust in her have been damaged. It's not a nice thing to do, but she has always been so great!
Do I contact her? I ask for closure. I don't think I can go without an answer to why and if. I feel like I am still waiting for her to come around and tell me some logical conclusion to her lack of reply and interest.
I'm not jealous, but I guess it shows lack of self esteem that I am worried that she has found another guy.
She has my keys and I have hers. I am moving out of my apartment soon and I need them. She also has some of my clothes, but I have none of her stuff.
If I contact her and she confirms my fears - she has been sleeping around, doesn't love me anymore etc... then it will hurt really bad, but at least I won't go around hoping for the best?
But on the other hand if she just is really really stressed to the brink of crazy and I start all sort of emotional sentimental shit, she might see me as needy and a problem. What if she still has feelings but just pushed me away?
My impression of her have always been that she is honest, doesn't cheat, and a good person. But also that she is easily persuaded, and perhaps an easy victim if drunk... but aren't most women?
Please help gaf.
Count Dookkake
Member
Are "emergencies" only a one-way deal or can you call one, too?
Atramental
Banned
I share your sentiment.
Vigilant Walrus
Member
I can call one too but never did.
fuck
what do I do about my keys? forget it and say to my landlord i lost them?
I've always been told that girls get very turned off my jealous guys. that it makes them appear weak so thats the last thing I want to do.
Im just so fucking hurt right now. Also because I know she even with her busy work/school life still parties in the weekend at her university.
I know it wont help me if she tells me something like "it's not you, it's me" or "im seeing someone else". My mind is going into self denial mode. It says: maybe there is a slight shred of chance.
I guess it's like the saying: "you can't talk yourself out a situation that your actions put you in". If she didn't want to contact me or didn't have time she could have written that. she just flat broke me off.
And I know that I am not supposed to be with someone who treats me like that. That's not a stable relationship. But for fuck sake. I'm always so pessimistic. She was the first thing were I actually felt like that she loved me.
Thanks so much for your advice. Im still fantasizing about her. Checking her facebook(though we're not friends) and so on. Fortunately we dont have the same group of friends, and I am only in college so my lifestyle is different.
Sanky Panky
Banned
She finally texts back. She had been busy, and been studying and working until late, and that was all she had been doing.
I write back, that I am thankful for her reply so I didnt have to worry.
She writes back: "just trying to stay on top and make it
...
On one hand, I hear nothing from her, and I think it's not very nice when we had a deal. It makes me think that she is trying to push me away... breaking up with me without confrontation. But ending a relationship after six months like that? well we were not together but we had an agreement, and we were in love(we both said)!
...
She has my keys and I have hers. I am moving out of my apartment soon and I need them. She also has some of my clothes, but I have none of her stuff.
...
If I contact her and she confirms my fears - she has been sleeping around, doesn't love me anymore etc... then it will hurt really bad, but at least I won't go around hoping for the best?
.
Who's idea was it about the romantic letters? I can see the novelty for a little while, but looks like she lost interest in all the sappiness (indeed you are not teenagers anymore). She also doesn't need to call you if she's getting attention in the free time she has.
You need to understand that it is a bullshit excuse to not reply or call for weeks because she is "busy". She doesn't want to lead you on too much (by ignoring your messages) because she's not that interested. The whole breaking up thing in the beginning is a reflection of that, but she kept you around as a fun and romantic little adventure to please her needs once in a while.
The fact that the word "love" came out doesn't mean much often. Love is an action, and she was not showing you love by ignoring you.
Call her to get your keys, and tell her this deal is not working out for you.
Don't let that chick use you whenever she pleases. Sounds shady as hell.
Etrian Oddity
Member
I think my New Year's Resolution is to change my attitude towards women. [Read: become a doucher] Pretty much my entire male circle of friends today confronted me and told me I need to stop being nice to women and change my attitude if I want to get any.
Normally I would say piss off to someone who tells me that; but considering these guys have genuinely been there for me in the past and they all have girlfriends (or multiple considerably attractive FWBs), I think they are onto something. I know you're supposed to not care if a girl accepts you or not, but they say I don't show it well enough. Basically, they said even though I'm not a "nice guy" in the typical sense (because I have a backbone), I'm not a "sexy guy," for lack of better words.
So, while my goal is not necessarily to treat people like shit, I'm going to perform a self-discovery experiment. This whole year I went the route of being a gentlemen, and only ended up used and looking a fool. It's time to try something different--not giving a damn, and, if the situation warrants it, being a douchebag.
Normally I would say piss off to someone who tells me that; but considering these guys have genuinely been there for me in the past and they all have girlfriends (or multiple considerably attractive FWBs), I think they are onto something. I know you're supposed to not care if a girl accepts you or not, but they say I don't show it well enough. Basically, they said even though I'm not a "nice guy" in the typical sense (because I have a backbone), I'm not a "sexy guy," for lack of better words.
So, while my goal is not necessarily to treat people like shit, I'm going to perform a self-discovery experiment. This whole year I went the route of being a gentlemen, and only ended up used and looking a fool. It's time to try something different--not giving a damn, and, if the situation warrants it, being a douchebag.
Attackthebase
Member
Oh man, you even have a bigger baby face than myself. I didn't think that was possible. Your profile makes you feel like a relaxed person, you have a job at 22 (helping out the older people, brownie points), your profile has some humor to it. I'm not too surprised by the results.
One girl messaged me a few days back, and ask if I was a real person, since my profile made me look like a legit person and a lot different from the norm of creepy guys on PoF. Reminds me, I need to contact her sometime tomorrow. Have her number, but been too busy with studying exam to remember to text her.
Vigilant Walrus
Member
Very true. Thanks.
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