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[Kinitari]

Exactly. I can't tell you the number of times that I've found someone physically attractive, but I'm just not into them. You can't really help who you're attracted to. It' doesn't matter if you're the nicest, most handsome guy in the world, if the attraction isn't there I'm not going to go out with you.

Some of these guys who obsess over their female friends aren't even really attracted to them. I remember a girl I had a huge crush on, years and years ago during my lonely teens - and you know what the reason was? She was nice to me, and most other girls just sort of ignored me. That was basically it.

It's probably something instinctual, but when a guy isn't getting any girls - the first girl to give him a 'how do you do' is immediately his soulmate. Not saying this is how it is for all the guys who complain about their female friends not falling in love with them, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was a large chunk.

 

[ikkemenx]

Well it's certainly not my ONLY reason. Money, time, resentment, my body, not emotionally ready, etc.

But actually I grew quite a bit when I started BC. I'm close to a D cup now, I really don't want breast feeding ruining them. I saw my best friend's sister's breasts when she was complaining what 2 kids breastfeeding had done to them. They were really saggy and loose, it was sad

If you don't mind me asking, just how much did you grow exactly and did it affect your overall weight?

As for the friendship thing...I don't know. It's something I've spent a lot of time thinking about and always become surprised with. I don't know what my opinion is on it yet, but I can say I'm guilty of what the guys do too. Will like a guy a lot (will want to be with him) but can only BE friends (either he is not interested or is taken or nothing is happening) and will stick around because I do like him and being friends and I do care, but if I get the chance to be with him I'd totally jump at it. Essentially friends because I want their company and it's the closest thing I can get. I think I convince myself I really am just a friend until I get a hint of something, and then I'm totally in crush-mode again.

 

[Kitsunebaby]

Some of these guys who obsess over their female friends aren't even really attracted to them. I remember a girl I had a huge crush on, years and years ago during my lonely teens - and you know what the reason was? She was nice to me, and most other girls just sort of ignored me. That was basically it.

It's probably something instinctual, but when a guy isn't getting any girls - the first girl to give him a 'how do you do' is immediately his soulmate. Not saying this is how it is for all the guys who complain about their female friends not falling in love with them, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was a large chunk.

Like desperation? I guess I just don't get it, since I personally feel comfortable enough alone. I guess if you're really aching for romance or affection you make do with what you can get.

 

[shanshan310]

I think I getcha Kinitari. Kinda like putting all your eggs in this one female friend "basket"? When you can see there are other viable options you don't have to put so much pressure on this one girl.

I had this one great guy friend. We used to talk about all kinds of crazy stuff, had lots of fun, I considered him to be one of my best friends. But somewhere between my boyfriend and I celebrating our 2nd or 3rd anniversary and him briefly dating this girl he was into, something changed. We're still good friends and stuff, but we never talk like we used to. He doesn't laugh at my jokes anymore unless he's drunk. I mean, I never lead him on - we hung out with my boyfriend as well - but maybe it still took him a while to realise that there really was no chance of us dating. And then sort of half gave up. Which is a shame, I miss hanging out as much as we used to

 

[brotkasten]

Oh, the friendship thing, yeah. I have the same problem right now, except that I'm not the one who's in love. It's not pretty.

My problem is that guys who think this way seem to think that they're the ideal guy and the girl in question is just to stupid to see it. That's fucking insulting as hell. You ain't that damn great, get over yourself.

But I am that great and it's totally your fault for not seeing that. Really.

Okay, I'm just kidding.

I think part of the problem is when girls always tell those guys how great and nice and totally handsome they are and totally don't get why they don't have a girlfriend. Whether it's true or not doesn't matter. Men can get the wrong picture, especially when both of you are single.

 

[ikkemenx]

OH, I'd also been meaning to ask. Does anyone here have experience with a friends-with-benefits situation? If so, how have you been making it work?

 

[Kinitari]

If you don't mind me asking, just how much did you grow exactly and did it affect your overall weight?

As for the friendship thing...I don't know. It's something I've spent a lot of time thinking about and always become surprised with. I don't know what my opinion is on it yet, but I can say I'm guilty of what the guys do too. Will like a guy a lot (will want to be with him) but can only BE friends (either he is not interested or is taken or nothing is happening) and will stick around because I do like him and being friends and I do care, but if I get the chance to be with him I'd totally jump at it. Essentially friends because I want their company and it's the closest thing I can get. I think I convince myself I really am just a friend until I get a hint of something, and then I'm totally in crush-mode again.

Well that attitude seems somewhat more healthy than what some people do - where they begin to resent and start becoming frustrated with the situation. Understanding that you are attracted to someone, and would jump at the opportunity to be with them, but putting those emotions aside and moving on - that doesn't seem so bad. I was upfront with a particular female friend who asked me once "Are you digging me?" or something like that. I just said "I think you're awesome, and if the situation was different, I would totally want to date you, but it isn't, and that's fine. I still think you're awesome without needing to put my body parts into you."

Like desperation? I guess I just don't get it, since I personally feel comfortable enough alone. I guess if you're really aching for romance or affection you make do with what you can get.

I don't want to use the word desperation, as it's a bit of a cliché, but I guess that it's also apt. I don't know how I would be right now if I wasn't getting any female attention, I am guessing I would be pining after my ex - but because I am getting some, she is the last thing on my mind.

 

[Inanna]

no no, I can understand that completely. Same with me. At the same time though... attraction has to be there on both sides.

Oh yeah, I know what you mean. I hate it when guys do that too. I guess some guys get confused with the whole does she only want to be friends or is she testing the waters and getting to know me? Some guys really are that clueless.

I used to have a friend that I met around the same time I met my guy, I think a few months earlier actually. All three of us became really close friends but there was always an attraction between me and my guy. We knew from the start that there was something more than just friendship, I don't even remember when our innocent flirting turned into a full blown relationship. We didn't tell anyone about it because I wanted to be sure that it was the real deal. When I did tell him he was so damn shocked and that's when he told me how he felt about me and how my guy stole me from him and how he should have been one instead of him... He was really that clueless, everyone that knew us kinda had an inkling that Dan and I liked each other I dunno how he didn't catch on. We aren't friends any more which is sad because I really liked him as a friend, he was one of my best friends!

 

[shanshan310]

Its kinda sad when someone you were good friends with kinda fades out after they realise that's all you are.

 

[Kinitari]

OH, I'd also been meaning to ask. Does anyone here have experience with a friends-with-benefits situation? If so, how have you been making it work?

I'm a dude, so this is probably from the wrong perspective, but I currently have two. It's actually all very new for me, so I don't know if this is something that has legs or can last, but I'll tell you how it happened.

Broke up with my ex beginning of the year, spent a few months just... thinking, and then decided to put myself out there. Met the first girl around June, and we both sort of said that we were in a place where we didn't want any commitment, but we did miss sex and just spending time with the opposite sex. So we didn't really label or anything, but we got friendly and started sleeping with each other. The sex is great, although there is a bit of pressure to perform - sex is a big part of what this relationship is about, and she has no problems telling me if I am not bringing my A game.

Second girl I met just around a month ago. She doesn't seem like she wants anything serious, and she seems absolutely fascinated by my personality/ethnicity. It was a little weird at first, but knowing where she grew up, it makes more sense. Anyway, she found out about my relationship history and she said "You definitely need to be not tied down right now, go out there and explore, have fun with a lot of girls. And hey, I'm a fun girl too!" So we moved that relationship into the sexual realm (with a few speed bumps) but it's pretty good too.

I do have a mild fear of these girls falling for me however, but I just remind myself that I'm not all-that, and not every girl I sleep with wants to marry me.

 

[VelvetMouth]

Oh, the friendship thing, yeah. I have the same problem right now, except that I'm not the one who's in love. It's not pretty.


But I am that great and it's totally your fault for not seeing that. Really.

Okay, I'm just kidding.

I think part of the problem is when girls always tell those guys how great and nice and totally handsome they are and totally don't get why they don't have a girlfriend. Whether it's true or not doesn't matter. Men can get the wrong picture, especially when both of you are single.

Would men prefer it if the girls told them that they're boring and unnatractive? Of course you're going to be nice to your friends but the expectation that some men have that because a woman is nice to them it means she wants(or should want) to have sex with him. Where do men come up with this shit?

All these 'nice guys' who complain that they can't get a girlfriend and that it's the woman's fault because she's only interested in assholes. I'm willing to bet 99% of the time that the nice guy is a complete douchebag who has the personality of a wet tampon. Look around GAF. You get guys who complain that they can't find a girlfriend or they have such high standards that they think they should be pulling 9's and 10's and the only reason they're not getting these women is because they don't have enough money because women only want guys with money. It's ridiculous the things men come up with.

 

[bud]

oops.

 

[brotkasten]

Its kinda sad when someone you were good friends with kinda fades out after they realise that's all you are.

Yeah, especially when you know each other for like 18 years. I hope I can still prevent this.

 

[VariantX04]

oops.

oh, you.

 

[Fernando Rocker]

Do you girls care about how money guys earn before dating them?

 

[ronito]

Well it's certainly not my ONLY reason. Money, time, resentment, my body, not emotionally ready, etc.

But actually I grew quite a bit when I started BC. I'm close to a D cup now, I really don't want breast feeding ruining them. I saw my best friend's sister's breasts when she was complaining what 2 kids breastfeeding had done to them. They were really saggy and loose, it was sad

My wife's breastfed both our kids and hers are still amazing. So it doesn't happen to everyone.

 

[Jokergrin]

Do you girls care about how money guys earn before dating them?

Yes.

I'm not a girl though.

 

[brotkasten]

Would men prefer it if the girls told them that they're boring and unnatractive? Of course you're going to be nice to your friends but the expectation that some men have that because a woman is nice to them it means she wants(or should want) to have sex with him. Where do men come up with this shit?

I agree about the expectations, but what's wrong with a bit honesty? "Stop whining, you'll never get a girl, as long as you keep running around like that and behave like an idiot". That's much better than telling someone that he's great and fine as he is, even if you clearly know that's not the case.

 

[VelvetMouth]

I agree about the expectations, but what's wrong with a bit honesty? "Stop whining, you'll never get a girl, as long as you keep running around like that and behave like an idiot". That's much better than telling someone that he's great and fine as he is, even if you clearly know that's not the case.

Or she could really think he's fine as he is. She's not thinking of him as boyfriend material but she really does like him as a friend and think he's a great guy. I'm starting to believe GAF and the claim that men and women can't be friends. There are so many minefields in these relationships and would a man still want to be friends with a woman if she told him to stop whining and straighten himself out or will he feel rejected and end the friendship because his chances are shot?

 

[Entropia]

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/--dk5yFASDSk/ThU-WQpH9aI/AAAAAAAA17o/R5bzwsWphCo/s1600/don%2527t_have_a_girlfriend_05.jpg[/IMG]

Do you have a link to the full image? I love and it makes me laugh my ass off everytime I read it.

 

[VelvetMouth]

Do you girls care about how money guys earn before dating them?

I think it depends on the woman and the situation. Some women are only about money but I think the majority of women look for a man who they can build a decent life with. Look at your parents and all the people you know. They all managed to find somebody so this GAF bullshit of women only care about money is just that, bullshit. Again I think it's the mentality of "I deserve only the hottest piece of ass" only to see her marry a guy with money and suddenly that's all that women want.

 

[daffy]

Cool.

D:

Devolution

 

[terrdactycalsrock]

Okay girls I have a serous question. When I like a girl and want to ask her out is it best just to be direct? And when I say direct I mean asking her out on a date within the first month of knowing her? And how do I not come off as a crazy person or bumbling idiot?

 

[SouthernDragon]

I think it has more to do with the opportunities the guy has and the experience he has with women. If he doesn't have many relationships, or even just one relationship, it's very easy to say "Oh man I am so great the reason she doesn't like me is x". It's just ignorance, and experience should wipe that attitude away.

Should.

Its kinda sad when someone you were good friends with kinda fades out after they realise that's all you are.

Sometimes it is necessary. Being on the other side of the equation is painful, too, and space is needed to make that emotional break. It's entirely possible to come back and just be friends; I've done it myself. It takes a LONG time, though.

 

[Phoenician_Viking]

OH, I'd also been meaning to ask. Does anyone here have experience with a friends-with-benefits situation? If so, how have you been making it work?

(I am a guy) Yes. It works for a while, than one or the other starts to want more than just sex. In my situation it worked for 4 month. She started to feel that she needed more than just sex and she told me. I told her i don´t feel the same way she does. It ended and, it ruined our friendship. I had 4 of those but there were not as close friends as she was.
If you want to do it, just make sure he´s is not a close friend or make sure that there is a future, or else you will lose the friend, and you both will get hurt.

 

[Jin34]

D:

Devolution

^
Devo's boyfriend's reaction.

 

[brotkasten]

Or she could really think he's fine as he is. She's not thinking of him as boyfriend material but she really does like him as a friend and think he's a great guy. I'm starting to believe GAF and the claim that men and women can't be friends. There are so many minefields in these relationships and would a man still want to be friends with a woman if she told him to stop whining and straighten himself out or will he feel rejected and end the friendship because his chances are shot?

That doesn't mean she couldn't tell him why he's not "boyfriend material". Maybe it's really just me, but I prefer honesty in any relationship, so yeah, I'd appreciate it if a friend would tell me that. I might get angry at first, but it wouldn't take long to see that she just wants to help me, because friends are more than just people you hang out with. Yeah, sure, I know, there are friends and friends, but you get what I mean. If a person ends a friendship over something like that, he's truly an idiot.

Sometimes it is necessary. Being on the other side of the equation is painful, too, and space is needed to make that emotional break. It's entirely possible to come back and just be friends; I've done it myself. It takes a LONG time, though.

I really sucks. After few weeks she called me this weekend and said she wanted to see me again, even though we agreed not to see each other for a while. She sounded really desperate and told me that she felt like shit and didn't know what else she could do. I still had to turn her down. She has a boyfriend, ffs.

 

[Prax]

That doesn't mean she couldn't tell him why he's not "boyfriend material". Maybe it's really just me, but I prefer honesty in any relationship, so yeah, I'd appreciate it if a friend would tell me that. I might get angry at first, but it wouldn't take long to see that she just wants to help me, because friends are more than just people you hang out with. Yeah, sure, I know, there are friends and friends, but you get what I mean. If a person ends a friendship over something like that, he's truly an idiot.

Well, that's just how some girls are. Girls are socialized to maintain harmony and keep criticism of FRIENDS low. If the guy really wanted "honesty, like how guys are with other guys" then maybe he shouldn't be looking at girls for that? Yeah, I know. It gets confusing navigating a gendered world. Oh well~!

I'd like to think I'd have no problems telling a guy friend why he ain't boyfriend material for me or some other girl he's friends with, but it's hard because I try to avoid being overly mean. And it seems like some people just can't accept that they are just not compatible with their crush. You give a reason, and they try to change or fix themselves to get better chances or something. This also happens with girls. Trainwrecks.. everywhere!

 

[SouSouRocket]

Well, that's just how some girls are. Girls are socialized to maintain harmony and keep criticism of FRIENDS low. If the guy really wanted "honesty, like how guys are with other guys" then maybe he shouldn't be looking at girls for that? Yeah, I know. It gets confusing navigating a gendered world. Oh well~!

I'd like to think I'd have no problems telling a guy friend why he ain't boyfriend material for me or some other girl he's friends with, but it's hard because I try to avoid being overly mean. And it seems like some people just can't accept that they are just not compatible with their crush. You give a reason, and they try to change or fix themselves to get better chances or something. This also happens with girls. Trainwrecks.. everywhere!

I've always had the convenience of my religion and ethnicity (as in, I can't even date I have to marry a dude with x religion and it would be good if he speaks Arabic) but dudes still took it all personal anyway. It's really hurtful to look back and realize all the fun conversations and hanging out you had are suddenly tainted by this new revelation that the whole time you thought this guy was a great friend, like a brother to you, he was thinking "aww yeah, this is going great, wanna get a piece o' dat ass". Thankfully none of my guy friends are like this now, and being married is a good bar for most guys (none but the grossest scumbags would try anything now, I hope).

 

[Inanna]

Sometimes it is necessary. Being on the other side of the equation is painful, too, and space is needed to make that emotional break. It's entirely possible to come back and just be friends; I've done it myself. It takes a LONG time, though.

Its been 2 years and I tried to reach out to him but he doesn't want anything to do with me, I think he feels like it was my fault that I didn't tell him about Dan right after we started going out, he think that he could have done something if I had told him I liked our mutual friend. Dan still hates him and thinks he back stabbed him by going after his girl...he feels betrayed. I really miss the old days and how close the three of us used to be. *sigh*

 

[Devolution]

D:

Devolution

^
Devo's boyfriend's reaction.

lol.

As far as the friendship thing goes. If you don't think both people can be mutually interested in a friendship only relationship, you need to get out more. Sometimes, I think, one person might start to become interested in more than a friendship because a friendship already establishes the solid foundations for a romance. You know the person and (hopefully) you can trust them. So all you have to do is woo them, lol.

 

[thebaroness]

oooh What did you think nof Catherine? The whole game was just incredibly... misogynistic, and the "personality questions" were really dumb. Thank god for those puzzle levels though.

Really? You saw it as misogynistic? That's an interesting perspective. Could you elaborate further on what offended you? I'm genuinely interested in knowing because I loved the game so much. It's cool to hear someone's opinion.

I saw it as a loser guy who can't make up his mind and gets caught up in something much larger than himself. To me, it's more about the dichotomy of relationships, whether you see them as happiness or taking away your freedom.

I played the game as a "good" guy, and got the true lover's ending So in the end he stood up for the women he truly loved and I got an ending where everyone was happy. I never saw it as offensive to women. Yes, the mid-level questions are kind of stupid, but they're not really offensive to either sex. Most of them are supposed to be testing your views on relationships.

Like the question "Does life begin or end at marriage?" Yes/No? It's not offensive to women. Either sex could feel like it's tying them down prematurely.

Although the game still doesn't pass the Bechdel test...

I got the feeling that there was absolutely no female input into the game, other than the voice actors.

I think quite a few women worked on it:

http://www.allgame.com/game.php?id=75499&tab=credits

 

[Jin34]

Saying desperation is harsh, but true in a lot of cases. When I was in school I pretty much didn't go anywhere or talk to almost anyone except a close circle of friends (all guys) because they were assholes/douchebags/bullies so why go to parties with people you didn't like? Now a lot of the girls weren't like this but you when you haven't developed any social skills and have no confidence. Now this girl from the US joins our school and just because she was nice to me and I could kinda relate a bit I get a huge crush on her. Thankfully she left the school before I could make an ass of myself.

Since I didn't develop my social skills at all in school this carried over to where any girl you found that was nice to you or you enjoyed talking to her that's the first thing that would happen, you would either look at her sexually or romantically and it happened with all of them. This continued until I became self-aware of why it happened: very little contact/interaction with women just makes you latch on to the first girl that gives you the time of day. At it's core it's a basic human need and if it's not being satisfied at all then your mind/body will go nuts trying to find a way to satisfy it, in short: desperation. Probably similar to those women whose biological clocks have made them nuts and try to get pregnant at all costs.

I'm not sure men and women can be friends, I mean true close friends not some acquaintance who you call a friend. One of the two will want something more.

 

[Devolution]

My hair grows out of haircuts way too damn fast.

I'm not sure men and women can be friends, I mean true close friends not some acquaintance who you call a friend. One of the two will want something more.

My best friend is a guy. We're there for each other. We already tried a relationship, it was weird.

 

[Jin34]

My hair grows out of haircuts way too damn fast.




My best friend is a guy. We're there for each other. We already tried a relationship, it was weird.

But you see, you ended up trying it after all, the surprise is you carried on being best friends after that fine. I guess it depends on how many options you have and how well grounded both are emotionally. Then again maybe he still feels more than friendship for you. I don't think I could be best friends with a girl, if I enjoyed her company/trusted her that much I would probably want a relationship.

 

[AbsoluteZero]

But you see, you ended up trying it after all, the surprise is you carried on being best friends after that fine. I guess it depends on how many options you have and how well grounded both are emotionally. Then again maybe he still feels more than friendship for you. I don't think I could be best friends with a girl, if I enjoyed her company/trusted her that much I would probably want a relationship.

Is it really all that uncommon to still be friends after a relationship is over? I'm friends will all of the girls I've ever dated, admittedly it only being about a half-dozen.

 

[Devolution]

But you see, you ended up trying it after all, the surprise is you carried on being best friends after that fine. I guess it depends on how many options you have and how well grounded both are emotionally. Then again maybe he still feels more than friendship for you. I don't think I could be best friends with a girl, if I enjoyed her company/trusted her that much I would probably want a relationship.

Right but it's not impossible to be friends and just live with the fact that you feel something for them. It might even make the bond stronger, you just have to not let it get past a certain point or else your other relationships are doomed.

 

[timetokill]

Is it really all that uncommon to still be friends after a relationship is over? I'm friends will all of the girls I've ever dated, admittedly it only being about a half-dozen.

Based on anecdotal evidence, yep. Just going off of friends that I know personally and friendships post-relationship... maybe 5%.

 

[Devolution]

Is it really all that uncommon to still be friends after a relationship is over? I'm friends will all of the girls I've ever dated, admittedly it only being about a half-dozen.

It mostly depends on how serious the relationship was or how the break up occurred. Many of the break ups my friends have had it would probably be a chore to maintain a friendship with a cheatin' lyin' douchebag (and this is directed at both boyfriends and girlfriends).

 

[Jin34]

Is it really all that uncommon to still be friends after a relationship is over? I'm friends will all of the girls I've ever dated, admittedly it only being about a half-dozen.

From others I've seen it's usually not the same afterwards, not as close as before. My first relationship (or what could be called a relationship) didn't end well obviously.

 

[CrudeDiatribe]

I'm not sure men and women can be friends, I mean true close friends not some acquaintance who you call a friend. One of the two will want something more.

I am a straight guy. I have a ton of close female friends, many of whom I would happily pursue a romantic/sexual relationship with if circumstances were different. If you are 'looking', then there is a brief phase of sorting out the other person when you first meet, but it's easy after that if neither is the sort of person to obsess over crushes. Feelings can develop with time, of course. My partner of ten years started as a friend.

Speaking of whom...

I popped in to ask a question, didn't seem right for "ladyGAF helps manGAF":

LadyGAF, how do you deal with a guy at work that sends awkward unwanted flirty emails? As a guy I haven't had to deal with a lot of casual sexual harrassment in the workplace. I worry that doing nothing is tacit approval for a guy that could easily be a "not no" equals "yes" douchebag. She doesn't feel threatened, just creeped out. Most emails and all in-person interactions are non-flirty.

 

[Devolution]

LadyGAF, how do you deal with a guy at work that sends awkward unwanted flirty emails? As a guy I haven't had to deal with a lot of casual sexual harrassment in the workplace. I worry that doing nothing is tacit approval for a guy that could easily be a "not no" equals "yes" douchebag. She doesn't feel threatened, just creeped out. Most emails and all in-person interactions are non-flirty.

Is it how they're being worded or an implicit tone? Both? It honestly depends. If there is something in particular I can talk to them about, like not calling me certain names because it's a bit too intimate that's one thing. If however it's more of a tonal issue, then it's awkward to deal with it because I might feel like I'm reading too much into it. And in any sort of work/school atmosphere it's tough trying to be approachable but not a doormat, assertive but "that bitch." So literally any dialogue or conversation is much more meaningful than it should be.

 

[Ashes]

Cold Shoulders can work as well. It's hard to be flirty with somebody that rejects you.

tbh not sure what you were asking... and I'm a guy so I'm not sure why I answered...

 

[Prax]

I am a straight guy. I have a ton of close female friends, many of whom I would happily pursue a romantic/sexual relationship with if circumstances were different. If you are 'looking', then there is a brief phase of sorting out the other person when you first meet, but it's easy after that if neither is the sort of person to obsess over crushes. Feelings can develop with time, of course. My partner of ten years started as a friend.

Speaking of whom...

I popped in to ask a question, didn't seem right for "ladyGAF helps manGAF":

LadyGAF, how do you deal with a guy at work that sends awkward unwanted flirty emails? As a guy I haven't had to deal with a lot of casual sexual harrassment in the workplace. I worry that doing nothing is tacit approval for a guy that could easily be a "not no" equals "yes" douchebag. She doesn't feel threatened, just creeped out. Most emails and all in-person interactions are non-flirty.

Were it me, I would probably reply asking why he sent this to me and if it was a mistake. Adding a "lol" at the end to make it seem less judgmental/angry.

How many emails has this been? After about 3, I think a "Uhh, why do you keep sending me these, dude?" and a "Are you trying to flirt with me?" is called for. >_> Clearly if the guy responds positively that he is flirting and girl doesn't want it, that is a opening for a shutdown with "Sorry. Not interested.".

 

[Londa]

"You are a nice guy but I just want to be friends" means "I'm am not physically attracted to you".

Why do guy think just because they like a girl means the girl must like them, or must give them a chance if she is single.

 

[brucewaynegretzky]

"You are a nice guy but I just want to be friends" means "I'm am not physically attracted to you".

Why do guy think just because they like a girl means the girl must like them, or must give them a chance if she is single.

Perfectly reasonable. I think that's totally fair. I don't get why anyone would expect anything more.

 

[Prax]

Perfectly reasonable. I think that's totally fair. I don't get why anyone would expect anything more.

Probably because a lot of guys actually DO think getting a girl is like a job interview and if they can just "qualify" in enough parts, they should automatically be given a passport to the girl's pants/heart.

It's probably the part where relationships and how they work can't always be broken down into objective parts stripped of the irrational/emotional aspect of the other person that screws a lot of guys' brains over.

 

[brotkasten]

"You are a nice guy but I just want to be friends" means "I'm am not physically attracted to you".

Why do guy think just because they like a girl means the girl must like them, or must give them a chance if she is single.

"But we know each other for such a long time and you said you liked me so much and we can trust each other and really, what is more important than trust in a replationship?"

That's what I got to hear when I turned that person down.

 

[brucewaynegretzky]

Probably because a lot of guys actually DO think getting a girl is like a job interview and if they can just "qualify" in enough parts, they should automatically be given a passport to the girl's pants/heart.

It's probably the part where relationships and how they work can't always be broken down into objective parts stripped of the irrational/emotional aspect of the other person that screws a lot of guys' brains over.

As someone who had a few big "crushes" in hs, that still doesn't make sense. I would think "why doesn't she like me?" But I would always think I should have done something different. Eventually I realized that was stupid too and if it isn't a fit I shouldn't have to change for a girl, but even back then I never thought I was getting a short end of the stick.

 

[Londa]

Perfectly reasonable. I think that's totally fair. I don't get why anyone would expect anything more.

I'm not trying to be mean. I just really, honestly, feel that if you don't like a guy and they feel cheated in some way, that their crazy.

On a relative note....

My male cousin told me to pretend that I'll call guys so that I don't hurt their feelings by being honest and telling them that I'm not interested. He told me that I should give them my number and promise to go on dates with guys I don't like but just never show up to the date. If they ask why I didn't show up, I should make some lame excuse. Like "I was sick" or "I had forgot that I had other plans".

I was shocked to hear this from a guy. I can't believe that guys want to be lead on and lied to so their pride isn't hurt.