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[Satch]

Daaaaaaaaawwww.

But, any girl in here a Pony fan? Come over to the threads

i think ducky_mcgee likes ponies

 

[Lissar]

Daaaaaaaaawwww.

But, any girl in here a Pony fan? Come over to the threads

I tried, but I can't get into it. I think I'm too attached to old school MLP, since I grew up with that. I watched a few episodes, but it just seemed somewhat wrong somehow.

 

[daffy]

Daaaaaaaaawwww.

But, any girl in here a Pony fan? Come over to the threads

no way man.

 

[Lissar]

Since this is about a friendship between girls, I think this is an appropriate place for this...

I have a friend who seems to have worn out her welcome as a friend. I dread talking to her because she alternates between trying to tear me down (emotionally) while at the same time being extremely clingy (getting irritated if I don't talk to her for a few minutes when we're chatting online.) If I hadn't been her friend for very long, I would have no problems leaving her behind, but we've been friends for fifteen years. We've been through so much together. It's really hard to say goodbye, even if it isn't working anymore.

She often says we've changed so much we have nothing to talk about (although really, we never really had that much in common to begin with. But she has a problem where she can only see the present as inferior to whatever happened in the past, even if what happened in the past wasn't all that good.)

I know the answer is "Just tell her it isn't working out." I know I need to face her head on with this. I guess I just needed to vent a little...

 

[suzu]

Dumb question, but have you tried talking to her about it / is she aware of how you feel? If you start ignoring her after telling her (she will probably will get upset at the accusation) maybe she will mellow out after thinking about it later heh.

Daaaaaaaaawwww.

But, any girl in here a Pony fan? Come over to the threads

The ponies look cute, but I don't feel like watching the show. :|

 

[Lissar]

I talked to her about it probably around a year ago (maybe a little longer.) She didn't talk to me for awhile and then she came back and she was much better about it. But it has gradually become worse and worse.

I was willing to forgive when I knew she was working at a terrible job and I didn't mind if she vented at me a bit. She was living in Korea at the time (and I was in the US) and so I only needed to take it for an hour a day (and since we had been friends for so long.) But now she's back in the US and it has become much worse than it used to be. I could talk to her about it again and I know it would improve for a little while, but given what happened before I'm not sure if the "good" friend would stay around for very long.

 

[Mineshaft_Gap]

I have a question for fellow ladygaffers who are particularly nerdly. On the topic of friendship.

I want to make friends with other girls in real life who are into the same sorts of things I'm into. When I was in high school I had a bunch of close female friends who were devoted to fun nerdy endeavors. Playing games, talking about games, music, watching movies, and just hanging out being ourselves. I was really lucky my junior and senior year to have had a bunch of great like minded friends. I miss this time of my life so much.

Since I graduated high school we've sort of drifted apart. I'm in college now and I find it hard to make new friends. There are so many people and everyone is so busy (including myself) it's hard to know where to begin. Mostly it's girls/guys hooking up. I already have a boyfriend. I just want to hang with some peeps and play Smash Bros.

 

[Mineshaft_Gap]

i think ducky_mcgee likes ponies

No. I don't. Someone else here hit the nail on the head. The ponies are cute but I have absolutely zero desire to watch the show, or any other cartoon aimed at children. If I were 8 years old I'd be all over it. Maybe if my niece ever comes over I'll watch it with her.

I miss being around that age and watching all those fantastic cartoon network shows. Johnny Bravo, Dexter's Lab, Powerpuff Girls. I LOVED Two Stupid Dogs but I hardly ever saw it on TV.

Eek the Cat.

 

[BladeWorker]

I have a question for fellow ladygaffers who are particularly nerdly. On the topic of friendship.

I want to make friends with other girls in real life who are into the same sorts of things I'm into. When I was in high school I had a bunch of close female friends who were devoted to fun nerdy endeavors. Playing games, talking about games, music, watching movies, and just hanging out being ourselves. I was really lucky my junior and senior year to have had a bunch of great like minded friends. I miss this time of my life so much.

Since I graduated high school we've sort of drifted apart. I'm in college now and I find it hard to make new friends. There are so many people and everyone is so busy (including myself) it's hard to know where to begin. Mostly it's girls/guys hooking up. I already have a boyfriend. I just want to hang with some peeps and play Smash Bros.

Join a couple of clubs at your college - they don't require a huge time commitment and you'll meet like-minded people.

Or volunteer. Or get a part-time job. Yeah, everyone's busy, but it takes time to make time.

 

[Lissar]

I was also going to suggest clubs. As long as you're in college, might as well take advantage, right?

There are also meetup.com groups, although I haven't joined any of those. I almost thought of joining the gaming group in my town and seeing what kind of people showed up, but it seemed there was only one guy going to all of the weekly meetings and that would have been a bit awkward. Maybe if I was a guy it wouldn't feel so strange, but...

 

[SteveWinwood]

Portal 2 co-op feels so much like dating sometimes... I almost wish I had played it with a girl instead of male GAFers sometimes...

Does this we mean we dated.


Does this make me gay.


That means I can hang out with tons of girls all the time right.


I'm gay.

 

[Kitsunebaby]

Daaaaaaaaawwww.

But, any girl in here a Pony fan? Come over to the threads

My sister made me watch a few episodes, and I didn't care much either way about it. Then, a couple months later, I ended up watching some more and getting addicted.

It pretty comparable to Powerpuff Girls, which I loved when I was younger. Sometimes it's just good to watch a cute, feel good show.

I never liked the old MLP show, though. I couldn't stand most girls shows when I was little. My Little Pony, Rainbow Brite, Care Bears, etc were all crap, imo.

 

[cooljeanius]

Does this we mean we dated.


Does this make me gay.


That means I can hang out with tons of girls all the time right.


I'm gay.

I like this line of reasoning

 

[Lissar]

My sister made me watch a few episodes, and I didn't care much either way about it. Then, a couple months later, I ended up watching some more and getting addicted.

It pretty comparable to Powerpuff Girls, which I loved when I was younger. Sometimes it's just good to watch a cute, feel good show.

I never liked the old MLP show, though. I couldn't stand most girls shows when I was little. My Little Pony, Rainbow Brite, Care Bears, etc were all crap, imo.

I was very very girly girl from when I could first remember to around the age of eleven, so I loved all of those shows. Then I did a complete 180 after reading some fantasy books and turned myself into a tough tomboy. I went out and LITERALLY bought swords, daggers, a bow and arrow, and some armor, all to fulfill my warrior aspirations. I watched Xena and was enthralled. Then when I was 16 I became a slit-skirt, corset wearing goth. I'm kind of a mix of all those things now, if I think about it.

 

[shanshan310]

Lissar, people change and drift apart. That's just how life goes. If you've been friends for 15 years you must have been pretty young when you met no? Most of my old friends have nothing in common with me anymore. Its a lot of history together but if you find yourself getting annoyed everytime you see her its not much of a friendship anymore anyway. If she's putting you through emotional turmoil, she isn't really a friend. You don't have to "end the friendship" or anything, but if you can see her less it might lessen tensions. Might even make things better.

Ducky, How about joining a club? I know my uni has an anime club and a starcraft club, for example, which tend to be places where nerds congregate You don't even need to be a part of the university to join. Google the local uni's clubs and societies, and check out their facebook page (which they are bound to have).

I tried, but I can't get into it. I think I'm too attached to old school MLP, since I grew up with that. I watched a few episodes, but it just seemed somewhat wrong somehow.

I felt the same way actually... they're all drawn differently, and they kept spike but not lickitysplit (I think?). It felt like they were ripping apart my childhood

 

[Kitsunebaby]

I was very very girly girl from when I could first remember to around the age of eleven, so I loved all of those shows. Then I did a complete 180 after reading some fantasy books and turned myself into a tough tomboy. I went out and LITERALLY bought swords, daggers, a bow and arrow, and some armor, all to fulfill my warrior aspirations. I watched Xena and was enthralled. Then when I was 16 I became a slit-skirt, corset wearing goth. I'm kind of a mix of all those things now, if I think about it.

I adored Xena. I don't have the thighs for her, though, so I'm getting my sister to cosplay her while I do either Callisto or Gabrielle's outfit from seasons five and six. I'm the biggest fantasy nerd. It's too bad that the Renfest just ended and I only got to go a few times. It's so much fun to dress up and go drinking.

I've also dabbled in corsets a bit. I really like the way they look and they feel good to wear. It's like a stylish back brace.

 

[shanshan310]

I'd love to wear corsets but there are three potential problems:
1. Price - I've heard they can be expensive, particularly if you want
2. They don't look great if you don't have cleavage (see: my chest)
3. They do tend to look quite gothic, which I love the look of. However, I live in a really backwards city. Tried wearing this adorable pink lolita dress out once, and some guy came up and told me I "looked like pikachu". Got a lot of stares from bogans in thongs and board shorts. Not so fun.

 

[Mineshaft_Gap]

lol Looked like Pikachu?

Do you have a picture of the outfit? I'm having a tough time imagining a dress that would make a person look like Pikachu.

On a side note, that Lindsay Lohan $1,000,000 playboy thread got me thinking. Would you appear nude in a magazine for $1,000,000?

I'm 100% not a slutbag at all but I have to say I think I might do it. None of my career aspirations would be hindered by appearing in a magazine like Playboy, which is relatively tasteful compared to what else is out there. I don't consider it porn. A million dollars is a lot of money that I could use to pay my way straight through college and beyond.

I don't know that playboy would want me though. I'm not nearly white or blonde enough.

 

[shanshan310]

For $1,000,000? Totally. Now that you mention it, it might cause me some problems careerwise, depending on which road I go down (If its diplomacy, probably not a great move. If its teaching, more of an okay move, but students finding out would kinda suck). But I imagine these problems would be outweighed by having $1,000,000 I could buy a pretty nice house with that, do some travelling, and then invest in something. Man, I really want $1,000,000 now....


NOT a picture of me, but this is the dress: http://lookbook.nu/look/642907-Lemonade

 

[Mineshaft_Gap]

It isn't something I would wear but it doesn't look like Pikachu. I was expecting something more yellow!

Also with regards to Playboy. I'm young and attractive now but I won't be in a few years. So why not have a permanent record for later on when I'm withered up.

I know a girl who got married recently and as a wedding gift to her husband she posed for tasteful professional nude photos for her hubby. The idea behind it being something for him to look at when they grow old together. It would have seemed a bit strange had I not heard of other people doing similar things as well. George Takai from Star Trek commissioned a nude portrait of his partner Brad so he'd be able to look back on when he was still young and hot.

 

[cooljeanius]

It isn't something I would wear but it doesn't look like Pikachu. I was expecting something more yellow!

Also with regards to Playboy. I'm young and attractive now but I won't be in a few years. So why not have a permanent record for later on when I'm withered up.

I know a girl who got married recently and as a wedding gift to her husband she posed for tasteful professional nude photos for her hubby. The idea behind it being something for him to look at when they grow old together. lol It would have seemed a bit strange had I not heard of other people doing similar things as well. George Takai from Star Trek commissioned a nude portrait of his partner Brad so he'd be able to look back on when he was still young and hot.

Remind me to do that if when I get married

 

[Professor Beef]

It isn't something I would wear but it doesn't look like Pikachu. I was expecting something more yellow!

Also with regards to Playboy. I'm young and attractive now but I won't be in a few years. So why not have a permanent record for later on when I'm withered up.

I know a girl who got married recently and as a wedding gift to her husband she posed for tasteful professional nude photos for her hubby. The idea behind it being something for him to look at when they grow old together. It would have seemed a bit strange had I not heard of other people doing similar things as well. George Takai from Star Trek commissioned a nude portrait of his partner Brad so he'd be able to look back on when he was still young and hot.

I remember Drew Barrymore citing this reason when she was asked why she did Playboy.

 

[MikeTyson]

Mario Party and Little Big Planet are the games to play with a chick.

Oh and Perfect Dark.

 

[shanshan310]

Mario Party and Little Big Planet are the games to play with a chick.

Oh and Perfect Dark.

NO. Stupid little big planet... I couldn't figure out how to move between the three planes and consequently died many many times, and got left behind countless others.

 

[Devolution]

Any of girlgaf play sports in highschool? If yes which ones. I played volleyball and badminton.

Proof =o

 

[Mineshaft_Gap]

Any of girlgaf play sports in highschool? If yes which ones. I played volleyball and badminton.

Proof =o

Is competitive funyon eating a sport? No?

Oh alright. Tennis and track.

 

[Devolution]

Is competitive funyon eating a sport? No?

Oh alright. Tennis and track.

I wanted to do tennis but they had it the same season as volleyball at my highschool =/.

 

[shanshan310]

T-t-t-tae Kwon do and tennis.


volleyball is painful on your arms

 

[BladeWorker]

Any of girlgaf play sports in highschool? If yes which ones. I played volleyball and badminton.

Proof =o

I was a figure skater. Though that wasn't just high school.

 

[Devolution]

T-t-t-tae Kwon do and tennis.


volleyball is painful on your arms

I got used to it, skinny arms and all. What's worse is gym burn =/.

 

[Lissar]

Lissar, people change and drift apart. That's just how life goes. If you've been friends for 15 years you must have been pretty young when you met no? Most of my old friends have nothing in common with me anymore. Its a lot of history together but if you find yourself getting annoyed everytime you see her its not much of a friendship anymore anyway. If she's putting you through emotional turmoil, she isn't really a friend. You don't have to "end the friendship" or anything, but if you can see her less it might lessen tensions. Might even make things better.

Yeah, we've been friends since we were thirteen, so it's been a long time... The only thing we ever really had in common were games, and even then we liked completely different types of games. I think it's okay for friends to have different interests, but she seems to think it isn't okay. I think that's where some of the tension is.

Another thing is that she has depression, and so I'm afraid of what she might do if I abandon her (or try to get her presence in my life at a minimum.) I don't want to be the person to abandon a friend when she needs people there for her. But she also refuses to get help, and tries to drag me down with her...


Anyway, competitive sports: I only played in them once, in 6th grade when I had a really cool teacher who was into sports. He got so excited about sports, even I got excited about them. I ended up playing FOOTBALL all that year and was really into it (even though I was terrible at it.) It was sort of an odd year in my life, because I was never into it again after that.

I do love exercising though, but prefer to have the only person I'm competing against be myself.

 

[Kitsunebaby]

Any of girlgaf play sports in highschool? If yes which ones. I played volleyball and badminton.

Proof =o

I did dance till junior year and softball until about sophomore year. I never really liked softball all that much (despite playing it for 7 years). I just liked hitting the ball. I was so sad when my local batting cages closed

I also did soccer when I was younger.

 

[Kisaya]

Girrlllsss I need help. I honestly don't know how to deal with this friend I have, I need a way to break through to her because I really had enough with this.

So she's been in this relationship with this one guy for 7 months. During the first month of their relationship, something happened where a coworker kissed her and she pretty much took it. Nothing else happened, and she shoved the guy away and left. Eventually as her relationship grew, she regretted what she did more and more and didn't know how to tell her boyfriend.
Her boyfriend is a very insecure guy. He eventually found out (like maybe during 4th month of their relationship) because he always snuck around reading her texts and AIM chat logs, where he found a conversation she had with one of her friends about what she did. Obviously what she did was wrong and she didn't try to justify herself, only that what happened before was during a time where she didn't have the same feelings as she does for him now.
So they didn't break up, but since then shit's been downhill with their relationship. He continuously insults her and tell her all the time that he doesn't trust her. He doesn't let her talk to any of her guy friends, and even when she's out with me he always calls and questions what she's doing. She fights back of course, and she always threatens to break up with him, but then that's when he calls all lovey-dovey and apologizes.

Emotional abuse right?

Honestly, anyone can look at this and say the relationship is already over and that there's no point in continuing it. But my god, this girl doesn't listen. She actually did break up with him 3 weeks ago, which led to her calling me every night crying. I'm not complaining about that, heart break hurts. This is the first time she's been in a relationship that's ended this badly, so I can understand that. But this guy freaking always pulls her back. During their break he would call and text her all the time, fighting and crying, not leaving her alone at all. At some points I took the phone away from her, turned it off, and hid it. But then if I turn away it's always ends back at her hand looking to see if he messaged her. Two weeks after their "break" they're back together.

Now he's telling her some shit where he's never gonna let it go unless he has revenge. At this point I don't want to be involved anymore because I did all that I could, but at the same time she's my best friend and she's really contemplating some stupid shit. I actually think he's dumbing her down too because the stuff she tells me are reaaallllyyyyy dumb (such as trying to dress up as different girl and see if he'll take revenge, since he's willing to do it on any girl he finds). I told her that's embarrassing and unnecessary, but she thinks it's a "grand master plan." Oh my god.
That alone just put me in this position. This is childish and even worse than high school. She used to be a much stronger and more sensible person, it's sad to see her like this.
I just want to be able to tell her something that will finally wake her up, I have no more options.

Sorry for such a long read and annoying relationship problems I don't like it either.

 

[MelonieMac]

I love this thread ^.^

 

[cooljeanius]

I love this thread ^.^

You should post in it more often

 

[Kitsunebaby]

Girrlllsss I need help. I honestly don't know how to deal with this friend I have, I need a way to break through to her because I really had enough with this.

So she's been in this relationship with this one guy for 7 months. During the first month of their relationship, something happened where a coworker kissed her and she pretty much took it. Nothing else happened, and she shoved the guy away and left. Eventually as her relationship grew, she regretted what she did more and more and didn't know how to tell her boyfriend.
Her boyfriend is a very insecure guy. He eventually found out (like maybe during 4th month of their relationship) because he always snuck around reading her texts and AIM chat logs, where he found a conversation she had with one of her friends about what she did. Obviously what she did was wrong and she didn't try to justify herself, only that what happened before was during a time where she didn't have the same feelings as she does for him now.
So they didn't break up, but since then shit's been downhill with their relationship. He continuously insults her and tell her all the time that he doesn't trust her. He doesn't let her talk to any of her guy friends, and even when she's out with me he always calls and questions what she's doing. She fights back of course, and she always threatens to break up with him, but then that's when he calls all lovey-dovey and apologizes.

Emotional abuse right?

Honestly, anyone can look at this and say the relationship is already over and that there's no point in continuing it. But my god, this girl doesn't listen. She actually did break up with him 3 weeks ago, which led to her calling me every night crying. I'm not complaining about that, heart break hurts. This is the first time she's been in a relationship that's ended this badly, so I can understand that. But this guy freaking always pulls her back. During their break he would call and text her all the time, fighting and crying, not leaving her alone at all. At some points I took the phone away from her, turned it off, and hid it. But then if I turn away it's always ends back at her hand looking to see if he messaged her. Two weeks after their "break" they're back together.

Now he's telling her some shit where he's never gonna let it go unless he has revenge. At this point I don't want to be involved anymore because I did all that I could, but at the same time she's my best friend and she's really contemplating some stupid shit. I actually think he's dumbing her down too because the stuff she tells me are reaaallllyyyyy dumb (such as trying to dress up as different girl and see if he'll take revenge, since he's willing to do it on any girl he finds). I told her that's embarrassing and unnecessary, but she thinks it's a "grand master plan." Oh my god.
That alone just put me in this position. This is childish and even worse than high school. She used to be a much stronger and more sensible person, it's sad to see her like this.
I just want to be able to tell her something that will finally wake her up, I have no more options.

Sorry for such a long read and annoying relationship problems I don't like it either.

Honestly, it's probably not feasible, but I feel like the best thing would be to get her out of whatever city you all are living in for a week or two. If she put some real physical distance between her and him and had some time to just relax without thinking of him she'd probably think a bit more clearly about the situation. A therapist could also help quite a bit, unfortunately most people are apprehensive about going to one.

A lot of people in these emotionally abusive relationships don't realize just how messed up the situation is. They're too embroiled in the emotional drama and the high they get from it to realize that it's really harmful to them. It's almost like an addiction. My mom was only able to realize how emotionally abusive my father was when her therapist pointed it out to her.

 

[SouSouRocket]

Omgggg, this thread! <3 it's so hard to keep up with threads since they get buried so quickly. I thought it had died. Now I have a bunch of pages to read

Honestly, it's probably not feasible, but I feel like the best thing would be to get her out of whatever city you all are living in for a week or two. If she put some real physical distance between her and him and had some time to just relax without thinking of him she'd probably think a bit more clearly about the situation. A therapist could also help quite a bit, unfortunately most people are apprehensive about going to one.

A lot of people in these emotionally abusive relationships don't realize just how messed up the situation is. They're too embroiled in the emotional drama and the high they get from it to realize that it's really harmful to them. It's almost like an addiction. My mom was only able to realize how emotionally abusive my father was when her therapist pointed it out to her.

I agree with both of these suggestions--getting out of town may not be feasible, but perhaps she could stay with her parents or another friend (if you don't feel comfortable inviting this drama into your life). Therapy would definitely be the ideal solution here but she's going to have to want to make the change herself .

 

[Prax]

Girrlllsss I need help. I honestly don't know how to deal with this friend I have, I need a way to break through to her because I really had enough with this.

So she's been in this relationship with this one guy for 7 months. During the first month of their relationship, something happened where a coworker kissed her and she pretty much took it. Nothing else happened, and she shoved the guy away and left. Eventually as her relationship grew, she regretted what she did more and more and didn't know how to tell her boyfriend.
Her boyfriend is a very insecure guy. He eventually found out (like maybe during 4th month of their relationship) because he always snuck around reading her texts and AIM chat logs, where he found a conversation she had with one of her friends about what she did. Obviously what she did was wrong and she didn't try to justify herself, only that what happened before was during a time where she didn't have the same feelings as she does for him now.
So they didn't break up, but since then shit's been downhill with their relationship. He continuously insults her and tell her all the time that he doesn't trust her. He doesn't let her talk to any of her guy friends, and even when she's out with me he always calls and questions what she's doing. She fights back of course, and she always threatens to break up with him, but then that's when he calls all lovey-dovey and apologizes.

Emotional abuse right?

Honestly, anyone can look at this and say the relationship is already over and that there's no point in continuing it. But my god, this girl doesn't listen. She actually did break up with him 3 weeks ago, which led to her calling me every night crying. I'm not complaining about that, heart break hurts. This is the first time she's been in a relationship that's ended this badly, so I can understand that. But this guy freaking always pulls her back. During their break he would call and text her all the time, fighting and crying, not leaving her alone at all. At some points I took the phone away from her, turned it off, and hid it. But then if I turn away it's always ends back at her hand looking to see if he messaged her. Two weeks after their "break" they're back together.

Now he's telling her some shit where he's never gonna let it go unless he has revenge. At this point I don't want to be involved anymore because I did all that I could, but at the same time she's my best friend and she's really contemplating some stupid shit. I actually think he's dumbing her down too because the stuff she tells me are reaaallllyyyyy dumb (such as trying to dress up as different girl and see if he'll take revenge, since he's willing to do it on any girl he finds). I told her that's embarrassing and unnecessary, but she thinks it's a "grand master plan." Oh my god.
That alone just put me in this position. This is childish and even worse than high school. She used to be a much stronger and more sensible person, it's sad to see her like this.
I just want to be able to tell her something that will finally wake her up, I have no more options.

Sorry for such a long read and annoying relationship problems I don't like it either.

That reminds me of someone I know.
But in the end, she has problems accepting advice even though she asks for it. So everyone around her just stopped trying and they got tried of her complaining and whining anyway so they stopped talking to her. For all I know, she's still as stuck as ever, living on some faint hope that she will one day change the guy and how he thinks of her. Even worse, she's already seeing a therapist and doesn't exactly follow the therapist's advice either!

I am not sure there is much you can do except remind her that you don't like the way he is treating her and she needs a vacation from him. It's hard to support someone that refuses sane solutions.

 

[Kisaya]

Honestly, it's probably not feasible, but I feel like the best thing would be to get her out of whatever city you all are living in for a week or two. If she put some real physical distance between her and him and had some time to just relax without thinking of him she'd probably think a bit more clearly about the situation. A therapist could also help quite a bit, unfortunately most people are apprehensive about going to one.

A lot of people in these emotionally abusive relationships don't realize just how messed up the situation is. They're too embroiled in the emotional drama and the high they get from it to realize that it's really harmful to them. It's almost like an addiction. My mom was only able to realize how emotionally abusive my father was when her therapist pointed it out to her.

I agree with both of these suggestions--getting out of town may not be feasible, but perhaps she could stay with her parents or another friend (if you don't feel comfortable inviting this drama into your life). Therapy would definitely be the ideal solution here but she's going to have to want to make the change herself .

That reminds me of someone I know.
But in the end, she has problems accepting advice even though she asks for it. So everyone around her just stopped trying and they got tried of her complaining and whining anyway so they stopped talking to her. For all I know, she's still as stuck as ever, living on some faint hope that she will one day change the guy and how he thinks of her. Even worse, she's already seeing a therapist and doesn't exactly follow the therapist's advice either!

I am not sure there is much you can do except remind her that you don't like the way he is treating her and she needs a vacation from him. It's hard to support someone that refuses sane solutions.

Thank you so much you guys for your advice ;-;

Yeah as much I would love to get out of town with her, it's kinda impossible for the both of us She stays over my house whenever she needs to get away from him or her family, which is frequent, but it doesn't help at all. As long as she has her phone on her, she won't let him ago. I even took her phone away from her countless of times, but she grabs a hold of it when I'm not looking to see if anyone(him) has texted/called her.

I wish there was some way I could suggest therapy to her, cause I think that's a good idea. I don't think she'll be so open to it because she used to take it back then in middle school to early high school, and she made it clear that she wouldn't want to put herself in that position again :/
The thing is even if a therapist tells her I don't think she'll even listen. She's had a person who was once physically abused tell her to her face that he's emotionally abusing her. At first it really got to her, and she was set on breaking up with him, but she couldn't bring herself to do it.

She's totally aware that she's being abused, but it just leads to her crying saying that all she wants is to still be with him. It really is an addiction.
I feel like she doesn't take any of my advice either, because in the end I've never been in a relationship so I have "no experience." At this point I don't want to be involved in any of this anymore, but it's hard to watch all of this happen. I don't even know what to say to her anymore whenever he's brought up, whether it's better to ignore it or be the person who keeps saying "I told you so."

 

[BladeWorker]

Thank you so much you guys for your advice ;-;

Yeah as much I would love to get out of town with her, it's kinda impossible for the both of us She stays over my house whenever she needs to get away from him or her family, which is frequent, but it doesn't help at all. As long as she has her phone on her, she won't let him ago. I even took her phone away from her countless of times, but she grabs a hold of it when I'm not looking to see if anyone(him) has texted/called her.

I wish there was some way I could suggest therapy to her, cause I think that's a good idea. I don't think she'll be so open to it because she used to take it back then in middle school to early high school, and she made it clear that she wouldn't want to put herself in that position again :/
The thing is even if a therapist tells her I don't think she'll even listen. She's had a person who was once physically abused tell her to her face that he's emotionally abusing her. At first it really got to her, and she was set on breaking up with him, but she couldn't bring herself to do it.

She's totally aware that she's being abused, but it just leads to her crying saying that all she wants is to still be with him. It really is an addiction.
I feel like she doesn't take any of my advice either, because in the end I've never been in a relationship so I have "no experience." At this point I don't want to be involved in any of this anymore, but it's hard to watch all of this happen. I don't even know what to say to her anymore whenever he's brought up, whether it's better to ignore it or be the person who keeps saying "I told you so."

She will never listen to anyone until she's ready to hear it.

And as frustrating as it is to hear all of her complaints and crying and all the stupid shit that is going through her head as a result of all the turbulence, stick by her, because she needs a friend more than ever.

Try your hardest to keep her busy. Not doing idle activities like watching movies, but active. Get out and do shit. Exercise is good, but even making yourself a list of things you promised you'd do - errands, bucket list, whatever - and going out and making some headway - go do it. Keep her busy. Make it constructive.

When someone gets so absorbed in their own pain and suffering, it becomes them, and eats them alive. Doing things that demonstrates you have an identity outside of that pain might help to be that proving ground: the difference between having something to stand on outside of all that pain, and not.

Doing stuff also helps you sleep at night - you're more tired, you sleep better. It's amazing how one's perspectives become so much more sane when they sleep well.

 

[Professor Beef]

When someone gets so absorbed in their own pain and suffering, it becomes them, and eats them alive.

This is the god damned truth, from personal experience.

 

[Kisaya]

She will never listen to anyone until she's ready to hear it.

And as frustrating as it is to hear all of her complaints and crying and all the stupid shit that is going through her head as a result of all the turbulence, stick by her, because she needs a friend more than ever.

Try your hardest to keep her busy. Not doing idle activities like watching movies, but active. Get out and do shit. Exercise is good, but even making yourself a list of things you promised you'd do - errands, bucket list, whatever - and going out and making some headway - go do it. Keep her busy. Make it constructive.

When someone gets so absorbed in their own pain and suffering, it becomes them, and eats them alive. Doing things that demonstrates you have an identity outside of that pain might help to be that proving ground: the difference between having something to stand on outside of all that pain, and not.

Doing stuff also helps you sleep at night - you're more tired, you sleep better. It's amazing how one's perspectives become so much more sane when they sleep well.

Thank you so much for all of this, it really helps <3

And yeah, I know I have to always stick by her no matter what. Whenever she calls me I'm always there for her to listen. If she needs to get out she knows I'm always available for her. There have been times where I needed to study for a midterm or I needed to complete a project, but I left that all off to listen to her and spend time with her. I guess I got so frustrated because I have a lot of pressure from other people who constantly tell me that I should get her to snap out of it, but they don't realize that it's not that simple.

Me and her actually do all that we can do together, she stays over my house a lot and we try to hang out at all sorts of places. The thing is that I've started school again, so it's hard for us to see each other since my school is in Manhattan and she lives in Staten Island. But we at least get together maybe once or twice a week and go and do something.

The one hope I have is this job that she's going to be starting soon, so hopefully she's going to have something better to focus on than her boyfriend. She's also starting college in January which will keep her more occupied as well. I didn't realize that her being at home with nothing to do and waiting for me to be free would leave her in this situation

 

[suzu]

Just keep in mind not to let her problems get to a point where it disrupts your own life.

 

[shanshan310]

So I sort of have a minor problem. I have a university ball coming up tonight, which I am really excited about. There's a bar tab, some cool music, people suiting up. Its going to be awesome. Except, this girl who I sit with in my Japanese class has decided she's going to come. She's very sweet, don't get me wrong, but she is incredibly shy and I'm one of the only people she knows at the ball. I'm really worried about how clingy she is going to be, especially since I'd like to mingle with people (I'm vice president next year, I want to get to know everyone). In the past there have been times when I'm talking to some friends and she's just start talking to me, effectively cutting me off from the first conversation. She won't include anyone else despite my best attempts at "hey this is A, have you met B?". Which wouldn't be so bad except she talks about the most inane things, like how her brother was thinking about moving out but then he moved back in and now he lives in the study so if she wants to use the computer he doesn't like it. And they got into a fight over the printer and her mum was waiting for a fax. I don't want to tell her she bores me, and I don't want her to be lonely at the ball, but at the same time I don't want to talk to her the whole time. Or much of the time, to be honest. Any suggestions on how I can, erm, steer her to other people?


Kisaya, I think that going to college will really be good for your friend. New people, a need to focus on studying etc. Will her boyfriend still be around? Addiction to a person is scary, really scary. She really needs to spend sometime not contacting him and trying not to think about him. Like any addiction really.

 

[SRG01]

My GF and I were discussing this exact issue the other day, and it comes down to knowing your limits -- and the other person respecting them -- when it comes to their problems. A friend cannot demand so much of your attention to the point where it disrupts your life. It's not fair, and it's not respectful. Your kindness is freely given, not demanded and taken.

So I sort of have a minor problem. I have a university ball coming up tonight, which I am really excited about. There's a bar tab, some cool music, people suiting up. Its going to be awesome. Except, this girl who I sit with in my Japanese class has decided she's going to come. She's very sweet, don't get me wrong, but she is incredibly shy and I'm one of the only people she knows at the ball. I'm really worried about how clingy she is going to be, especially since I'd like to mingle with people (I'm vice president next year, I want to get to know everyone). In the past there have been times when I'm talking to some friends and she's just start talking to me, effectively cutting me off from the first conversation. She won't include anyone else despite my best attempts at "hey this is A, have you met B?". Which wouldn't be so bad except she talks about the most inane things, like how her brother was thinking about moving out but then he moved back in and now he lives in the study so if she wants to use the computer he doesn't like it. And they got into a fight over the printer and her mum was waiting for a fax. I don't want to tell her she bores me, and I don't want her to be lonely at the ball, but at the same time I don't want to talk to her the whole time. Or much of the time, to be honest. Any suggestions on how I can, erm, steer her to other people?

This may sound mean, but the easiest solution is to "hand her off" to some of your single friends. The harder, and the solution I condone, is to push a little harder at introducing her to your friends and other people.

 

[BladeWorker]

The one hope I have is this job that she's going to be starting soon, so hopefully she's going to have something better to focus on than her boyfriend. She's also starting college in January which will keep her more occupied as well. I didn't realize that her being at home with nothing to do and waiting for me to be free would leave her in this situation

Don't put that blame on yourself, you're being and trying to be a good friend to her, and that's huge. Even as much as you can kick her ass (metaphorically) into doing stuff, so too does she have to get herself up and out. And my completely unprofessional biased opinion is that it's a good thing she's going to have something to do, and friends to hang out with, who will help her without judgement.

All that besides: Taking care of yourself is important. Can't help others if you're not in much shape yourself.

I wish you both the best for happy lives

 

[Kisaya]

Just keep in mind not to let her problems get to a point where it disrupts your own life.

Kisaya, I think that going to college will really be good for your friend. New people, a need to focus on studying etc. Will her boyfriend still be around? Addiction to a person is scary, really scary. She really needs to spend sometime not contacting him and trying not to think about him. Like any addiction really.

My GF and I were discussing this exact issue the other day, and it comes down to knowing your limits -- and the other person respecting them -- when it comes to their problems. A friend cannot demand so much of your attention to the point where it disrupts your life. It's not fair, and it's not respectful. Your kindness is freely given, not demanded and taken.

Don't put that blame on yourself, you're being and trying to be a good friend to her, and that's huge. Even as much as you can kick her ass (metaphorically) into doing stuff, so too does she have to get herself up and out. And my completely unprofessional biased opinion is that it's a good thing she's going to have something to do, and friends to hang out with, who will help her without judgement.

All that besides: Taking care of yourself is important. Can't help others if you're not in much shape yourself.

I wish you both the best for happy lives

Waah I really appericate everything you guys have told me <3333

Yeah with the new job and school she'll definitely be away from her boyfriend, I think he's going to be studying at a different college anyway (if he decides to go to college this year).

And yeah I'm aware that I shouldn't let her get in the way of my life either, I just didn't want to feel like I was doing something wrong by putting her aside when I couldn't be there. I just wanted her to move on because I don't want to see her like this anymore, and I just didn't know what to do because she wasn't listening to what I was saying.

But thanks again for all of your advice, my last midterm is tomorrow so I'll try and see if I can hang out with/talk to her afterwards and maybe come up with a plan to keep her busy when I'm not around (which doesn't involve her boyfriend).

 

[Kisaya]

So I sort of have a minor problem. I have a university ball coming up tonight, which I am really excited about. There's a bar tab, some cool music, people suiting up. Its going to be awesome. Except, this girl who I sit with in my Japanese class has decided she's going to come. She's very sweet, don't get me wrong, but she is incredibly shy and I'm one of the only people she knows at the ball. I'm really worried about how clingy she is going to be, especially since I'd like to mingle with people (I'm vice president next year, I want to get to know everyone). In the past there have been times when I'm talking to some friends and she's just start talking to me, effectively cutting me off from the first conversation. She won't include anyone else despite my best attempts at "hey this is A, have you met B?". Which wouldn't be so bad except she talks about the most inane things, like how her brother was thinking about moving out but then he moved back in and now he lives in the study so if she wants to use the computer he doesn't like it. And they got into a fight over the printer and her mum was waiting for a fax. I don't want to tell her she bores me, and I don't want her to be lonely at the ball, but at the same time I don't want to talk to her the whole time. Or much of the time, to be honest. Any suggestions on how I can, erm, steer her to other people?

You should just introduce her to new people and try to have conversations with others that include her. Eventually she might meet someone cool to talk to and then you can probably just leave her by herself to mingle. I know a lot of shy people and used to be shy myself, sometimes it just takes a small push for them to have the courage to try to put themselves out there for others.

 

[SteveWinwood]

So it's come to my attention that all of girl gaf has bought my shirt. What do you think of it hmmmm?

 

[Satch]

what shirt?