Hi again, GirlGAF!
I was here about two years ago asking about my girlfriend and funky fitting bras. We ended up going to a specialty store and she found some of her favorite ones ever; the chronic soreness is gone and her confidence (especially boob confidence) is way up! That's started a train of events that's put both of us in situations neither of us were expecting, and because she's a little confused too, I'd like to reach out for any advice. There's a lot to it, so it's a bit lengthy, and I hope that's okay >_>.
Some background: She's 5'2'', petite, and from 15-22 had been a 34B. At 22, she
quickly (she says it felt like over a few weeks) outgrew her B and went to a comfortable 34C. Fast forward a year and some months to us meeting (shortly after her 24th birthday) and she was a snug C, and wore Ds when her chest was swollen. She switched to 34D permanently a couple of months after.
She was very introverted at the time, and with her small build she really came off as mouse-ish. I met her on a dating site (which GAF convinced me to try- yay!), and we hit it off right away. Neither of us had ever been in a relationship before, and she thought she might never be, but it's been an amazing ride and we've both learned a lot over the course of our relationship. She told me way later that I made a great first impression on our first date, particularly because I never looked at her chest.
That struck me as odd, because she was very good at covering herself up, not drawing attention to, and hiding her size. I'd have
never guessed at the time that she was 34C/D. At some point in highschool she was under 5' and a 34B, so they were noticeable, and as she started catching unpleasant stares from guys, she started wearing layers to hide herself. It wasn't until our third date playing minigolf (wearing only a single layer as her jacket was tied around her waist), and while they weren't dominant, they were quite a surprise.
Physically, I'm not a very forward person, so she'd often be the one making the first move. That meant things progressed slowly at first (we didn't kiss until the 6th date). As we got closer we started experimenting with the usual boob stuff (it was all new to both of us, but even so she could absolutely tell it was my first boob play, which gave her a lot of comfort), and her confidence went up. She started smiling more, hugging more, got a promotion at work, and kept it to a single layer when I was with her in private. She even worked up the courage to start studying to be a CPA (still is, just took the financial portion last week), and I was seriously happy to encourage and cheer her through it all. She accomplished a LOT in a short time, and I absolutely adore her and think she's amazing ^_^.
Fast forward a bit, and we're at the funky bra issue I posted about two years ago. She now loves her breasts in a way I hadn't really seen before; sometimes she'd play with them more than I did in makeout sessions. Still, that was all in private, and in public she still covered up, and lived with constant bra soreness. Her bra wasn't too small, it just didn't fit correctly, and she didn't feel comfortable going into a specialty store and getting measured. Still, eventually she did, and left feeling great. She always
hated bra shopping, but this had been so easy! It's from this point that things start getting different.
A couple of months later she says her new bras are getting tight, and she was almost falling out when swollen. A trip to the specialty store confirmed she was now a 34E. Again, this is on a skinny 5'2''. I noticed on the drive home that she was quick to laugh (I love making her laugh, but it was especially easy here). That night I ask her what was so funny earlier, and she says it was because she'd always loved her chest, but knew it was always a little noticeable (though there were always bigger girls) and didn't like the looks from others. She had been conflicted, and as she got bigger that confliction grew too, until some time after meeting me. I'd made her comfortable and open with herself, not to mention she was in a
very different place in life versus high school. She'd gotten a new work-casual wardrobe to go with her promotion, and experimented with wearing pushup bras and showing cleavage in public. When she was a C she thought it'd be nice to be a D, and
maybe E if it happened. Now, she wanted to be an F. Not "it'd be nice if..." but "wanted".
At this point, wanting to continue to be supportive, and being a guy in private with his beautiful girlfriend, I went along with it. Augmentation was immediately tossed out for several reasons, and she wasn't interested in anything that took much effort, so the best answer she came up with was cutting back a bit on exercise and stopping a self-imposed diet.
Suffice to say, after several months, she hit 34F. She needed a new wardrobe (which cleaned us both out, as I helped pay for it), and since she was happier than ever, it kept going. After several more months, coming to this past weekend, she hit 34G, and may need another new wardrobe. She's gained about 35lbs since we first met, and after seeing she has an overweight BMI and can now fit in a size 10, is freaking out, worried that she's going to be fat at our wedding (October 2016). Nonetheless, she
is happy about being a G, but this leaves both of us uncertain:
-This feels like it's all happened so quickly. My girlfriend has really blossomed into an amazing woman feeling confident about herself in the world, and I know I played a large part in that. We both elevated each other and did things we didn't think we were capable of. Still, I feel like I'm partially responsible for sending her from her low to a crazy high to another downer. I never once said anything cautious about what she was doing, I just liked seeing her happy. Now she's been down all weekend. It's been a while since she hasn't smiled for so long
-She comes from a large (in size and chest, her sister was a D when she moved up to B) family, in which she was always the smallest by far (her sister is 5'7'', mom is 5'6''). She's told me she never wants to be their size, and while she's still smallest, she is now the largest chested (her sister and mother are both F, though her mom was an H at one point). A while back they asked her about her growth spurt and joked about being the same cup (she was an F), they don't know she's bigger now, and she thinks they're going to bring it up again at Thanksgiving. She's naturally an anxious person.
-Despite wanting very badly to lose weight, she doesn't want a smaller chest. She wants to be skinny and keep her Gs. Shoot, she said a part of her wants to be the biggest in her family and be an I. In private, she loves the thought of being skinny with a ridiculous chest, but knows the public will stare, harass, or shame and take pictures. At 34C/D they were noticeable but since F they've been her dominant feature, and it's impossible to hide them.
-Also on weight loss, she's dreading getting back up to her original workout regimen, and loves how she can eat until she's full now, rather than her old always-sorta'-hungry. She can also eat a whole lot more because of it. Before, a Chipotle burrito was her auxiliary dinner (a piece of it+something else) for the entire work week, and now she can eat half of one in a sitting. She's afraid she'll never be able to get back to smaller portions, or she'll be tired and miserable. Thankfully, most of her weight went to her chest and lower half (from shoulders up, you can't tell anything's changed), so she actually has a bit of an hourglass now. Objectively, she doesn't mind a body like that, but I think it's because she feels that's not
her body.
-She doesn't know why she started growing again at 22, and because she already went from B-E with no extra effort, she's worried she might still be naturally growing. Neither of us have researched it much, but for what it's worth, her mom had to have her thyroid removed at 28, and while my girlfriend's is enlarged, it has been for many, many years and nothing seems to be different. She's already had to change her wardrobe twice because of her chest (with a third possibly coming), and while she's said she likes having to shop specifically for it, it's hard to find good clothes, and I think she feels out of control of her body, versus when she first started gaining confidence.
- I haven't been directly affected much by this. The worst is that some friends bug me online about my "anime girlfriend" because she's wanted to experiment in voice acting and cosplay. At Halloween this year she gave out candy as Yomiko Readman and was excited by how well she pulled it off. Some friends had wanted to see her for a while, and (with her permission) I showed them. I shouldn't have. Thankfully they never spread it anywhere, but their reactions (and the fact that they chide about it a little still) are exactly what my girlfriend was worried about, and I thought they were better people. I've never mentioned their comments to her.
-Her comments about wanting to be a 34I may be part of some competitive or spiteful urge I haven't seen or even known about before. I'm confused, and while she said she just wants a large chest, I think there's something to it that I know very little about. I'm not going to press it.
I think that's about it, thanks to anyone who made it this far. I'm sure we'll find a way forward, but this whole boob-centric ordeal is just something I never thought I'd encounter in a relationship, and taken as a whole it just feels entirely out of left field. I'd really appreciate any feedback anyone can give on what I should consider or do. I love her (we'll be married this time next year!), and love to make/see her happy, but I think this adds up to a covertly complicated situation neither of us ever saw coming. The best solution I can think of would be her losing some weight. She was tiny when we first met, so she wouldn't have to lose it all to go back to get to a "normal" range. Regardless, laying all of this out makes this clearer for me, so at the least, thanks GAF message box, for having a high enough character limit.
Actually, this relationship and situation
has taught me a few important things and given me perspective I never had before:
-Shopping for women's clothes
sucks! They never have enough of the size you want, everything gets discontinued next week, the material's too thin, and there aren't enough dark colors. She's thought about someday opening a "sane" women's clothing line, but she's honestly not sure if the market's there. Shopping as a guy is serious easy mode in comparison 0_o.
-Boobs are
complicated. Even though I was predominately raised by women, I was still always on the outside looking in. I had no idea about the sheer depth of highs and lows they can cause. People you think you know start acting differently, your girlfriend can like hers more than you do, and there are entire industries catering to every facet about them. They're like some sorta' superweapon. Joking aside, while she loves the attention I give hers, it's definitely on a whole different level from the 14 year old me trying to catch peeks at the girls at school. That guy had
no clue about that world.
