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[Cindi Mayweather]

This has nothing to do with pride. He is human and has ownership of his feelings and he has the freedom to express them.

If he hides his feelings they will merely boil over like how he initially came up with the "fancy seeing dicks" comment. That's not balance and it's not healthy.

I don't care about why you don't do it, but if you say that people have to come up for themselves it would be good to not show the exact opposite with an example.

My example was about being with a man in a relationship, the important tidbit from my statement. This is GirlGaf. I am articulating that I find not expressing your feelings and defending yourself in a man an unattractive quality. If you can't defend yourself, how are you going to defend me? I look at a mate for safety and security.

 

[Prophet Steve]

I think the whole "vengeance" angle doesn't apply here. why not tell his side of the story? it's only fair. I just don't think it makes him a "bigger man" by letting it go so easy. he is allowed to have feelings and be hurt and put his side out there. showing this doesn't make him petty, he'd just own up to his feelings. he'll be chewing on this for a while anyway, no chance he's just magically free of all inner conflict by avoiding possible arguments. but whatever, I guess everyone has different ways to deal with stuff.

I said why, it would likely result in a confrontation while it wouldn't benefit his situation. And then he would feel worse instead of better. He can tell his side of the story afterwards if his parents thought he did something wrong, which they didn't.

This has nothing to do with pride. He is human and has ownership of his feelings and he has the freedom to express them.

If he hides his feelings they will merely boil over like how he initially came up with the "fancy seeing dicks" comment. That's not balance and it's not healthy.

I thought this was about standing up for yourself? Now it is about expressing his feelings?

 

[Cindi Mayweather]

I said why, it would likely result in a confrontation while it wouldn't benefit his situation. And then he would feel worse instead of better. He can tell his side of the story afterwards if his parents thought he did something wrong, which they didn't.



I thought this was about standing up for yourself? Now it is about expressing his feelings?

One and the same in this scenario.

 

[trab pu kcip]

One and the same in this scenario.

yisss

 

[Cindi Mayweather]

I said why, it would likely result in a confrontation while it wouldn't benefit his situation. And then he would feel worse instead of better. He can tell his side of the story afterwards if his parents thought he did something wrong, which they didn't.

Why is a confrontation a bad thing?

She cheated on him. A confrontation is inevitable. Otherwise, he will bottle up his emotions because he didn't gain closure or any final word. Just letting her off the hook saying lies is preferable to having a confrontation? No. Not at all.

 

[timetokill]

I can understand both sides, and I don't think either is particularly right other than for the people involved. As far as myself, somebody like Cindi and somebody like myself wouldn't work. It's not a slight on either of us. It's just personality and what you respond to.

Some people like fighting. They like the confrontation and the passion behind it and it's meaningful to them. They want someone to fight because it shows strength in their convictions. It's a type of confidence. I can understand that.

On the other hand, some people don't like fighting. Some see the ability to not fight as a confidence and strength of its own. For me personally, when I'm in love with somebody I do not want to fight with them. Anger is exhausting to me. It doesn't mean I won't disagree, because I will, but fighting is counterproductive to what I want. I've been with plenty of girls who can't stand it because they'll try and start fights with me and I won't give in.

Anyway, I think people are just different and characteristics like these are a big part of why relationships are so difficult.

 

[ishibear]

I'm sorry Cindi I'm gonna have to disagree with you on this.

I think it's harmful to expect men to behave irrationally or overtly assertive/aggressive. That perpetuates a negative stereotype that men should be these feral beasts when in actuality, all they need to be is themselves. Whether they are hot blooded or shy, it shouldn't matter - a man (or anyone for that matter) who is himself is a beautiful thing.

I can see why some women wouldn't like a mild mannered guy and maybe his ex doesn't like that in a mate either but just like you're mature enough to explain why you don't like that trait, she should have been too. It's not fair to the person you're with or yourself to settle for something if you don't like it. She should have told him what she didn't like in the first place, not cheat on him. That doesn't make sense.

Fwiw, if I read OCD guys character as well as I think, he's most likely going to talk to her eventually but as he's not in the wrong here, she has to come to him when she's ready and that's when they will talk and he gets his closure. If he chases her and she's angry, how will that help. Shit, I think he's exercising great control and that's good.

 

[Cindi Mayweather]

Here's my thing. What does saying a simple,"No, that never happened" have to do with fighting? Not letting her get away with crap means we're fighting? Or do you think it's fighting because she will retort?

 

[ishibear]

If he did that things would have turned into a screaming match with his parents right there in the middle. It shows confidence in oneself to wait until she leaves to straighten that out with his parents. They're his parents. They're gonna hear him out no matter what so he doesn't need to go on the defensive. I believe that also implies that he knows he's done nothing wrong and sees her lies as deflecting.

Oh wait I thought you were talking about when his parents came. But he did try to talk things out with her initially but she stormed out on him after locking herself in their bathroom.

 

[Kimaka]

Here's my thing. What does saying a simple,"No, that never happened" have to do with fighting? Not letting her get away with crap means we're fighting? Or do you think it's fighting because she will retort?

From what he said about his ex, it likely would have turned into a yelling match and her smashing his stuff. He already confronted her when she was on the iPad and her response was to lock herself in the bathroom likely to delete the evidence, leave, then come back with an angry friend without responding to him when he attempted to talk only to her. His parents already believe him so what would be the point of yelling with her when all evidence points back to her probably doubling down on lying? Best to keep her thinking he has no evidence in case she tries to do anything worse.

 

[Prophet Steve]

One and the same in this scenario.

yisss

I wouldn't really associate "none of that is true" with expressing your feelings. It is just defending yourself. It sounds like you are dealing with your emotions by reflecting on others. That isn't his thing, it would likely just make him unhappier.

 

[Cindi Mayweather]

If he did that things would have turned into a screaming match with his parents right there in the middle. It shows confidence in oneself to wait until she leaves to straighten that out with his parents. They're his parents. They're gonna hear him out no matter what so he doesn't need to go on the defensive. I believe that also implies that he knows he's done nothing wrong and sees her lies as deflecting.

Oh wait I thought you were talking about when his parents came. But he did try to talk things out with her initially but she stormed out on him after locking herself in their bathroom.

I am talking about when the parents came and the lies she told without contest.

 

[ishibear]

I am talking about when the parents came and the lies she told without contest.

Oh k

His parents already knew the whole story because he already told them. Honestly I don't think it's worth him trying to prove anything to the friend because she clearly has picked a side. As for his lack of confrontation then? I don't think I would find it appropriate to be arguing about infidelity in front of my parents either. They're better off waiting until both parties are calm enough that they get some time to talk alone about their impending split. However, given that she's lying the way she is, I wouldn't blame him if he just walked away without another word. That's sociopathic behavior. If you try talking to a sociopath about their wrongdoing, you'll come out blaming yourself instead.

 

[InfiniteBento]

It would have been pointless to keep dragging shit out.

Everyone already knew she was guilty.

 

[Misha]

I had issues with my dad trying to discredit things I said for a long time. I find it much better to just roll my eyes and move on. I know I'm right and I know he won't ever admit it. I don't need confirmation that he's being rediculous anymore.

 

[gaiages]

It would have been pointless to keep dragging shit out.

Everyone already knew she was guilty.

Basically. No need to defend yourself when everyone important knows the truth.

 

[Cindi Mayweather]

Well we won't see eye to eye on this I guess. Though I do feel he has confidence issues.

I got my new cotton bra in today and it's a gift from the Goddess. It's hot as hell today and my boobs aren't getting under boob sweat. I haven't worn a cotton bra since I got my first bras. Moved on to more adult stuff pretty early on.

 

[Morrigan Stark]

I finally caught up with that thread haha. I'm a bit torn on this. I can see Cindi's point of view; I cannot abide manipulators and liars, and even if my parents knew she was lying I'd still call her out on her bullshit. I think OCD Guy needs to stand up for himself a bit more for sure. I do get his point of view, that it might not have really changed anything since they already believed him, but I hate when assholes and liars spout their bullshit completely unchecked. I fear it enables them to continue this kind of behaviour later.

At least it seems to have ended relatively well for him (all things considered), so that's what matters the most.

 

[Jobbs]

How do ya'll conjure the motivation to read through an eight million page thread. I was curious but I just couldn't do it.

 

[Morrigan Stark]

How do ya'll conjure the motivation to read through an eight million page thread. I was curious but I just couldn't do it.

I just ctrl+f'ed the OP's name to get the updates on the situation and skipped most replies, haha

100 posts per page setting also helps

 

[Cindi Mayweather]

How do ya'll conjure the motivation to read through an eight million page thread. I was curious but I just couldn't do it.

Ctrl f like Moreigan said. Someone has made a recap post though.

 

[Pau]

How do ya'll conjure the motivation to read through an eight million page thread. I was curious but I just couldn't do it.

I only did because someone thought I was the girlfriend and wanted people to start harassing me. Luckily the mods took care of it quickly enough but shit almost gave me a heart attack.

 

[Professor Beef]

I only did because someone thought I was the girlfriend and wanted people to start harassing me. Luckily the mods took care of it quickly enough but shit almost gave me a heart attack.

dafuq

 

[Morrigan Stark]

I only did because someone thought I was the girlfriend and wanted people to start harassing me. Luckily the mods took care of it quickly enough but shit almost gave me a heart attack.

It's awful that you had to go through that, if only briefly. Good riddance to that moron.

 

[Pau]

dafuq

Some people are really eager to up the drama and having a specific target for their anger. Fortunately the majority weren't okay with it even if they didn't know if it was me or not so that makes me feel better.

It's awful that you had to go through that, if only briefly. Good riddance to that moron.

Thanks love. It definitely could have been a lot worse but it was a good reminder of how shitty the internet mob justice mentality is.

 

[Sibylus]

Vigilante justice isn't (also hullo thread!)

 

[Pau]

Vigilante justice isn't (also hullo thread!)

Isn't what?

 

[Kinsei]

Isn't what?

Justice.

I'm also really sorry you had to go through that.

 

[Sibylus]

Isn't what?

Isn't justice. Nothing but modern day witch hunts.

 

[Pau]

Justice.

I'm also really sorry you had to go through that.

Ah okay was confused. And thanks. <3

Yeah as much as I love Batman, I love the concept in fiction not reality.

 

[Professor Beef]

Ah okay was confused. And thanks. <3

Yeah as much as I love Batman, I love the concept in fiction not reality.

But...the bat tools...

 

[YesNOnoNOYes]

that was a weird thread

im with jobbs and ishibear on this, in a nutshell. but i see where cindi comes from. calling it like i see it, kind of thing. not 'confrontational' per se, but necessary to address some issues.

however, i dislike the notion that men has to be 'somewhat' machismo....

maybe since im dating a girl at the moment?

but i can stand up for myself and my girlfriend can do the same.




also, sorry that had happened to you, pau :<

 

[Sibylus]

Being assertive is a good trait to have, but at the same time some hills aren't worth dying on. Not enough hours in the day, let alone the spoons, to confront my ex on every lie she tells about me (for example). Cutting her out and putting that garbage behind me was the best possible choice I could have made for my health and moving on. That's not to say I won't speak up for myself if a mutual acquaintance brings it up, and I certainly will, but my days of choosing battle with her are over.

Also a related (and very unpleasant) lesson there in not jumping in deep with the first lesbian/bi girl you see who expresses interest. Much worse things than being alone, queer gals

 

[olympia]

I only did because someone thought I was the girlfriend and wanted people to start harassing me. Luckily the mods took care of it quickly enough but shit almost gave me a heart attack.

what the fuck man

 

[InfiniteBento]

I only did because someone thought I was the girlfriend and wanted people to start harassing me. Luckily the mods took care of it quickly enough but shit almost gave me a heart attack.

what? seriously? Thats fucking insane.

 

[Cindi Mayweather]

that was a weird thread

im with jobbs and ishibear on this, in a nutshell. but i see where cindi comes from. calling it like i see it, kind of thing. not 'confrontational' per se, but necessary to address some issues.

however, i dislike the notion that men has to be 'somewhat' machismo....

maybe since im dating a girl at the moment?

but i can stand up for myself and my girlfriend can do the same.




also, sorry that had happened to you, pau :<

Asserting yourself has nothing to do with machismo or even feminity. I'm as feminine as it gets and I tell you how I feel. Nothing about this conversation has anything to do with machismo. I'm not saying men have to start fights with everyone they see or to puff their chests in a "I'm no faggot" or "I'm no girl" eye roll worthy man man thinking that's how a man should act sort of way either. All I'm saying is that is that if you do not assert your feelings in a responsible manner it makes you come off as a doormat. I think this is true whether the person is male or female.

Have no idea how or why people would think Pau is related to that thread.

 

[YesNOnoNOYes]

Asserting yourself has nothing to do with machismo or even feminity. I'm as feminine as it gets and I tell you how I feel. Nothing about this conversation has anything to do with machismo.

Have no idea how or why people would think Pau is related to that thread.

hey im just using your own word from the previous page, cindz

On a date the other day, I got whistled at and my man confronted him. He didn't start a fight, but he did have some words to say. If he ignored it and said something like,"don't worry, it's not a big deal" I'm positive I would have reacted negatively. I'm not saying to go 100, pure machismo, but at the very least stick up for yourself. Letting something go unabated, without rebuttal isn't a cute trait.

to which i reply,

however, i dislike the notion that men has to be 'somewhat' machismo....

the 'somewhat' being to addressing not-pure-100% degree of machismo :3





as for me, personally, i hate the idea that certain things makes a man more man and certain things makes a woman more woman

just because a woman doesnt act/behave in the traditional ways, doesnt make her less woman. vice versa man.

 

[ishibear]

I only did because someone thought I was the girlfriend and wanted people to start harassing me. Luckily the mods took care of it quickly enough but shit almost gave me a heart attack.

WTF really? How awful! /hugs/ I'm sorry Pau. Thank goodness it was handled before things got ugly.

 

[Cindi Mayweather]

What I described above is my idea of 100% machismo and dudes with a false sense of masculinity to assert themselves to "prove" they're not a "bitch."

I basically said you can defend or assert yourself without doing all of that.

You just assumed that I value machismo.

 

[Jobbs]

I only did because someone thought I was the girlfriend and wanted people to start harassing me. Luckily the mods took care of it quickly enough but shit almost gave me a heart attack.

Jesus Pau :O

You seem to have bad luck with people treating you poorly *flails*

 

[Kimaka]

I only did because someone thought I was the girlfriend and wanted people to start harassing me. Luckily the mods took care of it quickly enough but shit almost gave me a heart attack.

That's terrible. Glad the mods cleared that up. Internet detectives can be really awful.

 

[Cindi Mayweather]

Why did they think it was Pau? I'm confused.

 

[weemadarthur]

.

 

[YesNOnoNOYes]

What I described above is my idea of 100% machismo and dudes with a false sense of masculinity to assert themselves to "prove" they're not a "bitch."

I basically said you can defend or assert yourself without doing all of that.

You just assumed that I value machismo.

no, i didnt assume such thing...?

i said i can see your point and the behaviour of "calling it as one sees it" isnt confrontational per se

that was a weird thread

im with jobbs and ishibear on this, in a nutshell. but i see where cindi comes from. calling it like i see it, kind of thing. not 'confrontational' per se, but necessary to address some issues.

however, i dislike the notion that men has to be 'somewhat' machismo.... <--- this part is not addressed to you, cindz. just a personal stance.

maybe since im dating a girl at the moment?

but i can stand up for myself and my girlfriend can do the same.

as for the word. it has baggage of its own and i wasn't the one that introduced it to the conversation :3

 

[Morrigan Stark]

Why did they think it was Pau? I'm confused.

Not 100% sure, but I think someone linked to a post the OP made in that "rate my looks" thread where he was quoting Pau's post (and rating her photo), and some moron mistook that as him posting a pic of his girlfriend and encouraged harassing her?

Even if he had not been mistaken it'd still have been fucked up but yeah. Fortunately pretty much everyone called him out on his shit and he got banned.

 

[Pau]

Not 100% sure, but I think someone linked to a post the OP made in that "rate my looks" thread where he was quoting Pau's post (and rating her photo), and some moron mistook that as him posting a pic of his girlfriend and encouraged harassing her?

Even if he had not been mistaken it'd still have been fucked up but yeah. Fortunately pretty much everyone called him out on his shit and he got banned.

Pretty much what happened. I wasn't even online but Kark was and saw and managed to contact a mod. Some people also found pics of the OP's actual girlfriend but that was taken care of as well. Just unnecessary stuff.

 

[YesNOnoNOYes]

Pretty much what happened. I wasn't even online but Kark was and saw and managed to contact a mod. Some people also found pics of the OP's actual girlfriend but that was taken care of as well. Just unnecessary stuff.

glad it's handled, pau

but boy, that's too close >___< ...... almost come to a real shitshow there for you :<

im glad the dude is banned, but ugh

UGH

we're here if you just wanna vent out or get rid of some nerves or whatever, pau

 

[Nudull]

Oh hell, I'm so sorry Pau.

 

[Cindi Mayweather]

Friday is strength training day!

Any other girls lift weights?

 

[YesNOnoNOYes]

its friday 6 pm here

im going out and partying

hope your fridays are awesome, girlgaffers