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Guys at my girlsfriends workplace hitting on her

I

impirius

Member
"If you can't handle me hanging out with my friends and roommates, this relationship just isn't going to work out."

For the love of all that is holy, at the very least, say this.
 
J

jennetics

Member
ethanny2 said:
I really can't win man I didn't even do anything, long story short I had to leave her house and it was pretty late. When our relationship is good she seems to always find some way to fuck it up. Shes already going to therapy to work through her trust issues, and I even agreed to go with her to counseling but it doesn't seem to work. One week she'll love me and she promises that she won't overreact or act irrationally, then the next week comes and she always does. I love her but I and I want to work through these problems but I don't know if I can go on like this not being trusted.
Click to expand...

Here's how you win, listen to what everyone here is telling you and BAIL.

It's tough to leave someone, even when you're just getting into a relationship with them but, man, this isn't worth it.
 
F

flkraven

Member
So I can only assume that after all this advice OP will stick with GF and try to work things out. The problems will persist and nothing will change.
 
S

soultron

Banned
You've been dating for 1 or 2 months and you love each other? You don't even know what love is yet.

Also, the only person you can control in these situations is yourself. The only person you can and should trust is your GF. Guys will constantly hit on your GF, wife, etc. You have to expect and accept that. If you trust her and she respects you, nothing will happen. Don't stress too much about this.
 
A

Anticol

Banned
flkraven said:
So I can only assume that after all this advice OP will stick with GF and try to work things out. The problems will persist and nothing will change.
Click to expand...

There is only one reason I can think of why OP could stay with this girl, and is pretty much the only reason guys stay with crazy af girls.
 
J

Jest Chillin

Member
Nerokis said:
The post in question didn't invoke trust issues at all. Instead, it emphasized that the OP meeting his girlfriend at a bus stop indicates she is vulnerable to men who might have more prolonged stretches of time to "appeal" to her.

This is terrible reasoning on a number of levels. Perhaps starting with the implication that there is something inherently worriesome about his significant other having male colleagues, if only because he himself apparently didn't need to jump through hoops to start something with her. Like, come on.

Such ridiculous reasoning has obvious connotations. A (strsight) guy who thinks that way won't always have an issue with women, but it's very likely they do.
Click to expand...

That's a whole lot of inference into his one line post. A metric shit ton of inference really. The interesting thing about is that you're making these huge inferences using the context of one line. Yet in your inference, you're neglecting to recognize that said posters one line of text was made after having multiple paragraphs of information from the OP to give context. That person was more informed before they wrote their sentence than you are about them. Yet you call them out for judgement without realizing you're standing in quicksand yourself.

This is happening quite a bit in this thread too. It's weird.
 
K

Kumquat

Member
Anticol said:
Yes, that's the only reason tbh, but he will regret it like the rest of us did.
Click to expand...

Of course he will. We all learned the hard way. When I was his age I would dive headlong into the drama. When I got older I realized I was a fool for putting up with that crap. Cycle of life.
 
L

Linkura

Member
ethanny2 said:
...Everything was going great and I was hanging out her last night lying on her bed and I wanted to install a game on my phone but had to make space. So I moved some of my apps to the external sd card and then looked up some stuff to learn how to root my phone. She walked in and looked at my phone and said she saw a video with a girl and that I swiped it away at the last second. WTF. I really don't know what she saw (I was looking at rooting instructions) but she was adamant that she saw something. She thought I was looking at other girls on instragram and got really angry. And then I told her I wasn't even on instragram, and when I am on instagram and there is women on the feed its usually from the "explore page" not my home page. So she calls me a liar (she never used instragram), I tell her that the images on search are random and I can't control if a girl's image comes up. After a while she calms down for a minute.

For the backstory I said I would avoid all interactions with the girl upstairs and even before (maybe 3 weeks ago) I told the girl upstairs can you please text my girlfriend and tell her you don't like me. And she did and I haven't talked to her for 3 weeks. Then her birthday came around and she asked the whole house to go out to eat, I said no because my girlfriend would flip. Then they came back and had cake (again I wasn't there) they offered me a piece I got a slice and left. I told my girlfriend afterwards that I went to eat cake and left immediately, I asked SPECIFICALLY "are you cool? Are you not gonna get irrationally angry at me within the next week about this?"
She said yes Im good, and we had a good time.

Until last night... I guess she was still riding the jealousy from the "video" she saw on my phone and just exploded she said you wanted to see that girl, I told you not to see her, Why don't you just date her, are you only dating me because she doesn't want to date you etc... I showed her my messages and I really never messaged her for 3+ weeks.
I really can't win man I didn't even do anything, long story short I had to leave her house and it was pretty late. When our relationship is good she seems to always find some way to fuck it up. Shes already going to therapy to work through her trust issues, and I even agreed to go with her to counseling but it doesn't seem to work. One week she'll love me and she promises that she won't overreact or act irrationally, then the next week comes and she always does. I love her but I and I want to work through these problems but I don't know if I can go on like this not being trusted.
Click to expand...

BAIL THE FUCK OUT NOW.
 
2

2Smashed4U

Banned
Kumquat said:
From my layman point of view I think their mental issues makes them work harder in bed and also be open to try more things.
Click to expand...
Maybe man, I don't know, the girl I question for me it was just like...effortless.

I'll never get it that good again, lol
kill me
 
N

Nerokis

Member
Jest Chillin said:
That's a whole lot of inference into his one line post. A metric shit ton of inference really. The interesting thing about is that you're making these huge inferences using the context of one line. Yet in your inference, you're neglecting to recognize that said posters one line of text was made after having multiple paragraphs of information from the OP to give context. That person was more informed before they wrote their sentence than you are about them. Yet you call them out for judgement without realizing you're standing in quicksand yourself.

This is happening quite a bit in this thread too. It's weird.
Click to expand...

Which part of my post required a "metric shit ton of interference"?

Is it when I characterized this post...

Your girlfriend will split up with you and date one of these guys. If you could pick her up from a bus stop these guys that work with her for whole shifts have hours to be appealing to her.
Click to expand...

...like this?

The post in question didn't invoke trust issues at all. Instead, it emphasized that the OP meeting his girlfriend at a bus stop indicates she is vulnerable to men who might have more prolonged stretches of time to "appeal" to her.
Click to expand...

Because I feel like paraphrasing doesn't require much inference, for the most part.

Or is it when I pointed out the logical implication of his reasoning, which is that there's an inherent danger in the OP's girlfriend working somewhere that requires prolonged exposure to men? Because, again, I feel like that's kind of an obvious point to make. You do realize a line of text can result in logical implications, yes? You don't only turn on that part of your brain when you're reading a post that's at least a paragraph long?

Also, I have no desire to call out the poster for judgment. Just the post in question, which does indeed evoke negative things. But you did something that people love to do in these threads, which is mix a couple ingredients and proceed to declare that they "won't always result in x, but almost always do (note: x almost always equals cheating)," and I decided to lean into your generalization.
 
J

Jest Chillin

Member
Nerokis said:
Which part of my post required a "metric shit ton of interference"?

Is it when I characterized this post...

...like this?

Because I feel like paraphrasing doesn't require much inference, for the most part.

Or is it when I pointed out the logical implication of his reasoning, which is that there's an inherent danger in the OP's girlfriend working somewhere that requires prolonged exposure to men? Because, again, I feel like that's kind of an obvious point to make. You do realize a line of text can result in logical implications, yes? You don't only turn on that part of your brain when you're reading a post that's at least a paragraph long?

Also, I have no desire to call out the poster for judgment. Just the post in question, which does indeed evoke negative things. But you did something that people love to do in these threads, which is mix a couple ingredients and proceed to declare that they "won't always result in x, but almost always do (note: x almost always equals cheating)," and I decided to lean into your generalization.
Click to expand...

You're not "pointing out logical implications" at all. You're leaping to conclusions based on perception bias. I.e. Making inferences that require an assumption of the drive or intent behind the post both by adding unsupported meaning and without considering the context that the OP provides (OP is rife with examples of the GF's trust issues, for example).

It's picking a fight where no fight is needed and it's weird.
 
I

-ImaginaryInsider

Member
She needs more time in therapy, she isn't ready for a relationship right now. She's outright accusing you, guilting you, and it's all manipulative control tactics instead of real communication.

You should breakup with her, if it's this much drama in the "honeymoon phase", it's going to be pure hell the longer it goes, and you could become codependent if you stay in it long enough.

Leave her + block her number
 
C

CSJ

Member
If someone's going to accuse me of something they better have the damned receipts, I once dated someone who deleted people off my phone just because she was that insecure.
Your story reads like a book, one most of us have read.

Everyone who's been there knows exactly what's up.
Those who argue otherwise haven't had the displeasure.

In years you'll be looking back thinking, the fuck was I doing?
I'd be hard pressed to find someone who hasn't experienced this.



You've got three options, stand up for yourself and try help her see reason, leave, or deal with it.
 
N

Nerokis

Member
Jest Chillin said:
You're not "pointing out logical implications" at all. You're leaping to conclusions based on perception bias. I.e. Making inferences that require an assumption of the drive or intent behind the post both by adding unsupported meaning and without considering the context that the OP provides (OP is rife with examples of the GF's trust issues, for example).

It's picking a fight where no fight is needed and it's weird.
Click to expand...

Are you sure you aren't leaping to any conclusions based on perception bias?

If my need to pick a fight seems so weird, maybe you should reevaluate my motivations. Bringing up that the OP managed to spark something with his now-girlfriend at a bus stop, moving on to point out that the men where she works have much more time to swoon her, and using this as a basis for the idea that she is going to leave the OP for one of those men. . .It doesn't take much aggressiveness or perception bias to see the obvious implication there.

Let me go ahead and concede that I am biased, though. As a general rule, I think it's counterproductive to invoke "works with members of the opposite sex" as a reason that a relationship might not work out. And somehow, adding in a "hey, didn't you manage to swoon her without either working or living with her?" didn't justify doing so in my weirdly biased mind.
 
A

always crazy bacon

Banned
006-columbo-theredlist.png


ethanny2 said:
Update: the fact that she hasn't blocked any of these dudes. So she showed me her messages with these guys on her phone and she hadn't texted a lot of them since December a little bit before she met me. And the contents of the text are exactly what I thought they would be, scummy guys hitting on her asking her to go out, or to go smoke or cracking some stupid ass jokes
Click to expand...

Hold up.Why has she saved all these unwanted text messages? Why was she even replying to them if they were "scummy guys".

ethanny2 said:
they would usually stop texting her.
Click to expand...

So hot Chilean/Japanese woman joins a new place, guys ask her out, she says no and they respect that (mostly). You know this contradicts what she's be saying to you right?

ethanny2 said:
And all the guys that want to get with her, she blocked their numbers and let even text (with her phone) the guy at who tried to switch his schedule to get closer to her. I said (verbatum) "This is [my name] [my gfs name]'s boyfriend. Can you stop texting my girlfriend. Im not about that shit. I don't want to say it again".
Click to expand...

Wasn't this debunked as unlikely in this topic already?

jam86 said:
I just read this, this is NOT a simple thing to do at best buy. Getting your schedule switched is something that takes weeks/months of pestering (if it even works) unless you got a.) STRONG connections with the manager/GM or b.) Someone quit and this guys work ethic has him next in line [might be overshadowed by someone with "tenure"]. People who had 6am start shifts would NEVER give them up, having a consistent schedule at Best Buy is a fucking luxury and people who get into the warehouse know this.
Click to expand...


ethanny2 said:
She didn't block one of the dudes but I did say more or less the same thing to him, but I didn't want her to block him in the off chance she could get a ride to work if she couldn't find the bus.
Click to expand...

So it's OK as long as she can get a free ride? She does not need to accept lifts of these guys. Bus, taxi, Uber and are there no women working there that drive?


ethanny2 said:
But then she told me in the period where she broke up with her previous boyfriend and still worked at Best Buy she went out to get coffee with one the guys at her job, but then see him/ignored him after that(I know sus).
Click to expand...

But they're ALL overweight, sleezy and with wives/girlfriends. If true then how are they not single? Sus and added to the other contradictions. c'mon son.



ethanny2 said:
I told my girlfriend afterwards that I went to eat cake and left immediately, I asked SPECIFICALLY "are you cool? Are you not gonna get irrationally angry at me within the next week about this?"
Click to expand...

Bit of a bitch move you made there.


ethanny2 said:
I want to work through these problems but I don't know if I can go on like this not being trusted.
Click to expand...

You can't, no matter ho hot she is.
 
R

riotous

Banned
I hope ethanny2 realizes you can delete individual texts; I could easily make it look like I hadn't responded to someone even on iOS.
 
V

Violet_0

Banned
I occasionally wonder if we're dealing with an unreliable narrator situation in these kind of threads and the op is really the crazy one
 
S

spineduke

Unconfirmed Member
Oh man, if at any point you're feeling you're walking on eggshells, it's time to go. Whatever you're enjoying from this relationship, it's not worth the suffering. Her issues are not yours to own, nor yours to fix, no matter how much you think you love her.
 
B

Billy_Pilgrim

Member
Normally I'd be up for writing a pithy story of how she'll court the affections of Rod the Trolley chap to send you into an obsessive spiral of lust and reactionary impulse, of how gradually the more time she spends amongst the general public the more her spirit will be crushed, of how eventually she'll turn to one of her suitors, the luckiest of the suitors, to unburden her weary soul, of how he'll accidentally brush against her or pat her on the shoulder and of how the passion will awaken within her, softly at first but rapidly overcoming her sense of right and wrong, of the future she had imagined; this will be discarded for a moment of escapism, from you, from university, from the job, from the dreariness of her life.

However you've only been with her five minutes so I can't be arsed.
 
BossLackey

BossLackey

Gold Member
I've been watching a lot of The Shield, so I would wait until it's dark and after close. Follow one of the dudes to his car and slam him to the ground and yell at him a lot. It might help to point a gun at his face and threaten him. Tell him that if he or anyone else at Best Buy tries to make a move on your girl, that he's gonna be spittin' teeth.
 
T

travisbickle

Member
If she's seeing someone about her trust issues, there's no need for you to make those passive aggressive comments about her feelings. Either support her trips to the therapist or split up with her.
 
S

Sylas

Member
I like that you even questioned whether or not you should break up with her after she demanded you not talk to other women.

Just lol. I can already hear the sound of a whip cracking in the distance. If someone ever demands you not talk to anyone of the other gender, you fucking bail. It's one thing to not be comfortable with them spending time alone with a specific person (even if I find it a bit trite if the only issue is that they're the other gender) but with a group and amongst a group? Damn dude. Just damn.
 
Crazyorloco

Crazyorloco

Member
SwipeLeftHoney said:
The fact you're only 2 months into this relationship and this kinda shit is happening isn't good. Maybe cut your losses now before she dumps you for one of the Geek Squad members trying to insert new hardware...
Click to expand...


Yeah and I feel like there's a lot more than to that story about a lot of guys hitting on her, especially if they have number. My guess is that she's also flirting with them. You mean to tell me out of 10+ guys she's rejecting them all? I actually get the sense that she's trying to break up with you, so she finds problems with you (instagram pic/video).

P.S. if you really value your relationship I don't think you should talk to that girl that makes your girlfriend uncomfortable. it's possible she sees something you're not. She shouldn't really engage with best buy workers that constantly flirt with her either, but I'm not sure if she is actually bothered by the attention - she may even like it.

It's too early to have these types of issues. You're getting red flags left and right here. I get a sense there's no trust on both ends.
 
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