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Guys at my girlsfriends workplace hitting on her

D

Dabanton

Member
Nerokis said:
I don't get it. He's asking for advice about setting up a Tinder account. You're suggesting that the existence of an environment where the OP's girlfriend will get prolonged exposure to other guys means she'll eventually leave him for one of those guys.

What's the relation?
Click to expand...

You don't get why that post is so funny?
 
S

Sephzilla

Member
ethanny2 said:
Update:
Click to expand...

You should be like

i64EmBo.gif
 
adamsapple

adamsapple

Or is it just one of Phil's balls in my throat?
...Everything was going great and I was hanging out her last night lying on her bed and I wanted to install a game on my phone but had to make space. So I moved some of my apps to the external sd card and then looked up some stuff to learn how to root my phone. She walked in and looked at my phone and said she saw a video with a girl and that I swiped it away at the last second. WTF. I really don't know what she saw (I was looking at rooting instructions) but she was adamant that she saw something. She thought I was looking at other girls on instragram and got really angry. And then I told her I wasn't even on instragram, and when I am on instagram and there is women on the feed its usually from the "explore page" not my home page. So she calls me a liar (she never used instragram), I tell her that the images on search are random and I can't control if a girl's image comes up. After a while she calms down for a minute.
Click to expand...

yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah ... I'd say bail out now.

dVoSQF2.gif
 
D

Dabanton

Member
ethanny2 said:
Update:
Click to expand...

2 months in and she's pulling stuff like this. The fact you couldn't go out with your housemates in your building as she's jealous, is a huge red flag for how she'll act in the future. If you have any friends she'll push them away too as you'll be always reacting to her wants not yours.

And don't expect any changes just flare ups that take weeks to calm down. I think you know what to do OP as hard as it is breaking it up with her, for your future sanity and happiness I'd do it.
 
G

GuitarAtomik

Member
ethanny2 said:
For the backstory I said I would avoid all interactions with the girl upstairs and even before (maybe 3 weeks ago) I told the girl upstairs can you please text my girlfriend and tell her you don't like me. And she did and I haven't talked to her for 3 weeks. Then her birthday came around and she asked the whole house to go out to eat, I said no because my girlfriend would flip. Then they came back and had cake (again I wasn't there) they offered me a piece I got a slice and left. I told my girlfriend afterwards that I went to eat cake and left immediately, I asked SPECIFICALLY "are you cool? Are you not gonna get irrationally angry at me within the next week about this?"
She said yes Im good, and we had a good time.

Until last night... I guess she was still riding the jealousy from the "video" she saw on my phone and just exploded she said you wanted to see that girl, I told you not to see her, Why don't you just date her, are you only dating me because she doesn't want to date you etc... I showed her my messages and I really never messaged her for 3+ weeks.
I really can't win man I didn't even do anything, long story short I had to leave her house and it was pretty late. When our relationship is good she seems to always find some way to fuck it up. Shes already going to therapy to work through her trust issues, and I even agreed to go with her to counseling but it doesn't seem to work. One week she'll love me and she promises that she won't overreact or act irrationally, then the next week comes and she always does. I love her but I and I want to work through these problems but I don't know if I can go on like this not being trusted.
Click to expand...

I was kind of on board (as a young relationship) until this part. Nah man. I dated a girl like this at exactly that point in my life. Used to get mad for hours if she thought I glanced at a movie cover with a girl in a bikini a little too long. It's not worth walking on egg shells and the stress of it all just to avoid setting her off. Especially during school (my previously mentioned relationship totally screwed a year of college for me). Break it off, hang out with your upstairs friends, and relax. Just trust me on this one.
 
A

Adam_Roman

Member
Break up with her, go to the gym, get Tinder, etc etc.

I don't care how attractive she is or how unique your bad situations you respectively went through are, she is not worth the hassle. If she's gonna get paranoid about you hanging out with anyone from half the population of the earth, she's not worth it. The best case scenario for you right now is to break up with her and focus on bettering yourself, whether it's working out, focusing on school, learning to drive/getting a car, anything you can think of. You don't need someone causing this much drama in your life, and from the sounds of it you could benefit from some introspection and growth yourself.
 
S

SlickShoesRUCrazy

Member
Send an extravagant bouquet of flowers with sherries berries or an edible arrangement.

Something she can share and say that my boyfriend sent it to me.
 
N

Nerokis

Member
Dabanton said:
You don't get why that post is so funny?
Click to expand...

Not at all. Nothing about using Tinder or asking for advice on setting up a profile implies "issues with women." This post, though, does:

Your girlfriend will split up with you and date one of these guys. If you could pick her up from a bus stop these guys that work with her for whole shifts have hours to be appealing to her.
Click to expand...

I think the bar for DetectiveGAF was set a little low in this case.
 
F

flkraven

Member
ethanny2 said:
...Everything was going great and I was hanging out her last night lying on her bed and I wanted to install a game on my phone but had to make space. So I moved some of my apps to the external sd card and then looked up some stuff to learn how to root my phone. She walked in and looked at my phone and said she saw a video with a girl and that I swiped it away at the last second. WTF. I really don't know what she saw (I was looking at rooting instructions) but she was adamant that she saw something. She thought I was looking at other girls on instragram and got really angry. And then I told her I wasn't even on instragram, and when I am on instagram and there is women on the feed its usually from the "explore page" not my home page. So she calls me a liar (she never used instragram), I tell her that the images on search are random and I can't control if a girl's image comes up. After a while she calms down for a minute.

For the backstory I said I would avoid all interactions with the girl upstairs and even before (maybe 3 weeks ago) I told the girl upstairs can you please text my girlfriend and tell her you don't like me. And she did and I haven't talked to her for 3 weeks. Then her birthday came around and she asked the whole house to go out to eat, I said no because my girlfriend would flip. Then they came back and had cake (again I wasn't there) they offered me a piece I got a slice and left. I told my girlfriend afterwards that I went to eat cake and left immediately, I asked SPECIFICALLY "are you cool? Are you not gonna get irrationally angry at me within the next week about this?"
She said yes Im good, and we had a good time.

Until last night... I guess she was still riding the jealousy from the "video" she saw on my phone and just exploded she said you wanted to see that girl, I told you not to see her, Why don't you just date her, are you only dating me because she doesn't want to date you etc... I showed her my messages and I really never messaged her for 3+ weeks.
I really can't win man I didn't even do anything, long story short I had to leave her house and it was pretty late. When our relationship is good she seems to always find some way to fuck it up. Shes already going to therapy to work through her trust issues, and I even agreed to go with her to counseling but it doesn't seem to work. One week she'll love me and she promises that she won't overreact or act irrationally, then the next week comes and she always does. I love her but I and I want to work through these problems but I don't know if I can go on like this not being trusted.
Click to expand...


Neither of you are ready for a relationship IMO. You need to see that this isn't normal behavior, and that this isn't what a healthy relationship looks like. She should be able to talk to males (the don't ALL have ulterior motives, and even if they do a relationship built on trust is far stronger). Likewise, you shouldn't have to walk on eggshells, not talk to a single girl, get cake, and for fuck sakes you can look at a girl's picture on instagram.

Take a break from this 'relationship', have some fun, and when you are mature enough (and find someone more mature) give it another try.
 
M

Matrix XII

Member
This is not normal behaviour from your girlfriend.

This woman is extremely jealous and there is very little chance anything meaningful will come of this relationship.

I'm not usually one for saying it's not worth it... but it's not worth it.
 
F

flkraven

Member
Also OP, I know it's hard but honestly just get out now. If you ignore these red flags and just try and make it work, you will find yourself 5 years from now finally breaking up and thinking about all the time you've wasted. Get out while you can.
 
J

Jest Chillin

Member
Nerokis said:
Not at all. Nothing about using Tinder or asking for advice on setting up a profile implies "issues with women." This post, though, does:

I think the bar for DetectiveGAF was set a little low in this case.
Click to expand...

I don't support post digging for responses but I have to say that there's nothing about saying that the GF will break up with the OP and date someone else suggests an issue with women as it's a theory that can be applied to a partner of any sex/gender.

A person with hardcore trust issues of their partner who simultaneously entertains a lot attention from people other than their partner is very likely to leave, cheat, or both. It won't happen in every situation, but it's very likely to happen.
 
2

2Smashed4U

Banned
ethanny2 said:
Update: I talked to my girlfriend about how I feel uncomfortable about all these guys hitting on her and the fact that she hasn't blocked any of these dudes. So she showed me her messages with these guys on her phone and she hadn't texted a lot of them since December a little bit before she met me. And the contents of the text are exactly what I thought they would be, scummy guys hitting on her asking her to go out, or to go smoke or cracking some stupid ass jokes in the hopes that they get with her.

She usually avoided their invitations and asked something that would make the guys feel uncomfortable, like if they would ask her "Do you want to go to the movies?" She would make an excuse (keep in mind these messages were when she was not dating me) or ask the guy "are you gonna bring your girlfriend too?" and they would usually stop texting her. And all the guys that want to get with her, she blocked their numbers and let even text (with her phone) the guy at who tried to switch his schedule to get closer to her. I said (verbatum) "This is [my name] [my gfs name]'s boyfriend. Can you stop texting my girlfriend. Im not about that shit. I don't want to say it again". She didn't block one of the dudes but I did say more or less the same thing to him, but I didn't want her to block him in the off chance she could get a ride to work if she couldn't find the bus.

And I got a little more of the backstory, she was dating someone else when she started working there and these guys still did the same thing (hit on her, even when they had girlfriends). Put frankly, this city (where I only got to for college) is full of overweight (sorry for bringing race into it) caucasian people who are super ignorant. To give you an idea I was walking down the street with a Chinese friend and a kid and his mom (for fucks sake) made fun of him and called him jackie chan. My girlfriend is mixed (chilean/japanese) and she's not overweight, and while I think she looks good, I think the people (who are from this city) that work in Best Buy consider her attractive in comparison to other people in the area. And she told me one time at one of her previous jobs someone asked her out, then asked her if she was a mulatoo (wtf). So that's why shes getting hit on so much, not a humble brag guys.


But then she told me in the period where she broke up with her previous boyfriend and still worked at Best Buy she went out to get coffee with one the guys at her job, but then see him/ignored him after that(I know sus). But other than that yesterday was going pretty good because she understand how I felt about this situation and tried to help solve the problem. She also said that she was considering getting a new phone number, and she was naive to assume that she could be friends with males, without thinking that they have ulterior motives.

...Everything was going great and I was hanging out her last night lying on her bed and I wanted to install a game on my phone but had to make space. So I moved some of my apps to the external sd card and then looked up some stuff to learn how to root my phone. She walked in and looked at my phone and said she saw a video with a girl and that I swiped it away at the last second. WTF. I really don't know what she saw (I was looking at rooting instructions) but she was adamant that she saw something. She thought I was looking at other girls on instragram and got really angry. And then I told her I wasn't even on instragram, and when I am on instagram and there is women on the feed its usually from the "explore page" not my home page. So she calls me a liar (she never used instragram), I tell her that the images on search are random and I can't control if a girl's image comes up. After a while she calms down for a minute.

For the backstory I said I would avoid all interactions with the girl upstairs and even before (maybe 3 weeks ago) I told the girl upstairs can you please text my girlfriend and tell her you don't like me. And she did and I haven't talked to her for 3 weeks. Then her birthday came around and she asked the whole house to go out to eat, I said no because my girlfriend would flip. Then they came back and had cake (again I wasn't there) they offered me a piece I got a slice and left. I told my girlfriend afterwards that I went to eat cake and left immediately, I asked SPECIFICALLY "are you cool? Are you not gonna get irrationally angry at me within the next week about this?"
She said yes Im good, and we had a good time.

Until last night... I guess she was still riding the jealousy from the "video" she saw on my phone and just exploded she said you wanted to see that girl, I told you not to see her, Why don't you just date her, are you only dating me because she doesn't want to date you etc... I showed her my messages and I really never messaged her for 3+ weeks.
I really can't win man I didn't even do anything, long story short I had to leave her house and it was pretty late. When our relationship is good she seems to always find some way to fuck it up. Shes already going to therapy to work through her trust issues, and I even agreed to go with her to counseling but it doesn't seem to work. One week she'll love me and she promises that she won't overreact or act irrationally, then the next week comes and she always does. I love her but I and I want to work through these problems but I don't know if I can go on like this not being trusted.
Click to expand...

It's fucked, forget about it man. It's not gonna get better from here on out. Cut her loose and enjoy your life, this sounds like a lot of easily avoided stress and pain.

If you care about her and you want to help her, do so as a friend, but this relationship is already screwed.
 
Z

Zantetsuken

Member
BAIL OUT. Do you want to keep putting up with situations and arguments like that where you have to keep defending yourself for nothing? It's not worth the headache. It's only been a couple of months.
 
K

KoopaTheCasual

Junior Member
ethanny2 said:
Snip
Click to expand...

Yeesh.

Thanks for the update. Very much appreciate all the backstory. Ok:

1) Your town sounds fucking terrible. Even if your relationship was perfect, that shit would still cause problems. Y'all two need to find a way to move.

2) Just stay on top of the dudes at work situation, and PLEASE hound her HR department. Harassment shouldn't be tolerated at all.

2) Despite you thinking it's warranted or not, maybe don't ask your SO if they're gonna react "irrationally" to something, because chances are that will cause a very rational reaction of anger. It's the classic, "calm down, bro!" effect.

3) She sounds like she has lots of trust issues. It's nice that you're being so supportive, but be careful with how much you normalize that kind of behavior.
 
M

_mail

Member
2Smashed4U said:
Nothing wrong with being supportive of someone, as long as they know and respect your boundaries.
Click to expand...

And you seriously believe that from what the OP posted that this girl will "respect his boundaries" and not get pissed when he breaks up? lol, in her eyes he will quickly become one of the men she likes to complain about.
 
G

Grewitch

Member
ethanny2 said:
.
Click to expand...

Dood, what the fuck are you doing? Have some self respect. You're cutting off friends because of her now? Where will it stop? You willing to cut people out of your life because she has a problem?

Take a step back and look at this situation. Your not helping her, your enabling her problem. You've given her an inch, she's going to take the rest bit by bit.

Tell her you've reconsidered and you're not going to cut your friends out of your life when you and they have done nothing wrong. Resume your friendship with your friend. If your girl doesn't like it, tough. She doesn't get to tell you who your friends and family are.

You didn't deserve that slice of cake, by the way.

Going to say this: I know you've had a trying relationship, but you need to find some self respect and not let someone dictate your life like that. You want to help her, then help her without selling out your principles. Who's going to respect a person like that?

Shit, this is getting worse and worse. Rectify your situation straight away and get your friends back. If she has a huge problem with that, then that will tell you how much she respect and love she has for you (which is none if she explodes).

You're young, so maybe you haven't had much experience, but bending over and just giving in is not a reasonable thing to do. Understand the value of your own character, your friends, and your partners.
 
T

Takuan

Member
Jealousy is borne from insecurity, and it's perfectly normal; it's just not healthy in the long term.

You both have trust issues, and again, that's typical of young people. If you feel you can work with it, more power to you. Otherwise, you need to get out of the relationship sooner than later.
 
B

Beatofficer

Member
I don't believe you'll listen to any of the advice here but I agree with the majority, time to peace the fuck out of this relationship. Too much drama, too must trust issues, too much everything.
 
R

riotous

Banned
Jesus.. you have serious issues if you are staying with this girl and actually going through with telling your roommate you can't talk to her, and to text your girlfriend to tell her that she doesn't like you. Break up now and seek some help with your complete lack of self respect.
 
C

cwmartin

Member
wait... you had your roommate/housemate text your current girlfriend to say that she doesn't like you?

...really?

......really?

Bail out of yourself, if that's possible.
 
B

BobNewbert31

Member
Dude, the minute she started preventing you from hanging with your friends, you needed to end it. In your OP, it seemed once you decided you had time for a girlfriend, you found one. It will happen again, but first, get the hell away from this one.

1446751133-jetpack.gif
 
2

2Smashed4U

Banned
_mail said:
And you seriously believe that from what the OP posted that this girl will "respect his boundaries" and not get pissed when he breaks up? lol, in her eyes he will quickly become one of the men she likes to complain about.
Click to expand...

Gotdatmoney said:
You're naive if you read all this and think that's gonna happen.
Click to expand...

Probably so! But dynamics do change after relationships end, I've kept a fair amount of good friends after having broken up with girls before, in relationships that were also not healthy. After we split though, things changed and I still had a valuable friend.

It's worth a try if you're inclined, is all I'm saying.
 
C

Calion

Member
You're letting her run all over you with jealousy problems, and now you're wondering how it got here. Grow a backbone and put your foot down. Is that so hard?
 
M

mordecaii83

Member
Seriously OP, bail tf out! Don't try to be a white knight, don't stay with her because you feel bad for her or you want to help her. Those reasons are terrible reasons for being with someone and will only get you both hurt in the end.
 
M

Makonero

Member
As someone who was once in a long term relationship with a girl so jealous that I wasn't allowed to keep my eyes open in a movie during a sex scene or nudity, I feel your pain OP. It took me a number of years to recover and recognize what a healthy relationship looked like.

Tell her that she needs to accept that you are her boyfriend and trust you. If there isn't any trust, then there isn't a relationship and you will have to break up with her. It's exhausting trying to be perfect for someone who is so obviously imperfect and hypocritical herself. Don't do it. Stand up for yourself.
 
K

killdatninja

Banned
flkraven said:
Also OP, I know it's hard but honestly just get out now. If you ignore these red flags and just try and make it work, you will find yourself 5 years from now finally breaking up and thinking about all the time you've wasted. Get out while you can.
Click to expand...

I'm gonna echo this sentiment. OP, you're putting too much effort to make this work when the relationship is too fresh for it. Do you honestly think she'll get over her trust issues in the next few months? Things will only get worse before they get better, but you shouldn't stick it out because they might *possibly* get better. You're already losing the trust battle and you don't even live together! I know you don't want to hear this, but bail out. You'll find someone who is worth your love OP, but unfortunately I can't see her being the one with all the red flags blocking the view. Subconsciously you have to know that it's not going to work out long term, every paragraph you write about her has the word "but" in it. "Everything is so amazing but... this and that and that."
 
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