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[HardRojo]

My ex GF always asked to go against the traffic, you know, anal sex. Now, I don't really enjoy anal so I kept saying no until one day we tried it and she was too tight to fit. My dick hurt a bit and we didn't have sex for like a week.

 

[_DrMario_]

I dated a girl once who was a squirter. Not a big deal, I've seen female ejaculation before.

But this girl was another level. She warned me before we slept together, and the first time she came to my house to have sex she brought a duffelbag. In the bag she had a rubber drop sheet and several towels. She set the drop sheet on my bed and placed the towels in strategic locations.

We started at it, and I put my fingers inside her. Within twenty seconds she started spraying everywhere. It was nuts. When we actually started coitus (can't believe I used that word) we were doing it doggy style. She kept squirting and squirting. When I came I pulled out to remove the condom and she then shot out SEVEN hard blasts in a row. It was ridiculous. I wasn't even touching her!

My room was soaked. It didn't really gross me out, she was fun. She was easily the most orgasmic person I've ever met. She could have orgasms from smelling fruit- that's not a lie.

We continued the fling for a couple of months, and after awhile I was kinda over the squirting. It was fine most of the time, but having to apply protective gear to the room every time you have sex got to be a bit much.

Seriously, I've never seen anything like this woman. I've watched 'squirting' videos of female ejaculators online, and they have nothing on what I've seen. I would bet money that she's the most prodigious female ejaculator in history.

I've been revisiting this thread every couple hours and this slays me every time.

 

[Tesseract]

So, she, like, wet your unit, and stuck pop rocks all over it, and let them do their thing?
Sounds painful.

no pain, a little gritty tho. the rocks were mostly in her mouth, along with my uh, unit.

it was weird, but fun(ny).

 

[Sadsic]

somehow I did Flapjack roleplay once

that was not for me

 

[vikki]

I get really turned off by dirty talking. It's annoying and feels fake and not sexy in the slightest.

I can assure you that the things that I say are genuine feeling and ideas of things I want to do in the heat of the moment.

 

[terrisus]

no pain, a little gritty tho. the rocks were mostly in her mouth, along with my uh, unit.

it was weird, but fun(ny).

Aww, I was envisioning her just kind of coating you with them and letting them do the work >.>

somehow I did Flapjack roleplay once

that was not for me

More of a MLP type? >.>

 

[Blargonaut]

Ooof.

My mind farted when my eyes glanced across the thread title in OT and I thought I saw, 'Has your parent's sexual habits ever turned you off?'

I think it's about bed-time for me :I

 

[Reverend Funk]

Oh god I read the title as parents for a second.

 

[terrisus]

Ooof.

My mind farted when my eyes glanced across the thread title in OT and I thought I saw, 'Has your parent's sexual habits ever turned you off?'

I think it's about bed-time for me :I

Oh god I read the title as parents for a second.

Go home, you are drunk

Spoiler

Actually, maybe don't go home...

 

[AyaisMUsikWhore]

Ugh, this is so embarrassing but...


.. I had a Boyfriend who was really into being a baby. Like he loved to dress up as a baby, with a diaper and a bib and shit. I thought that it was just a joke for one night but he was so serious about it. I didn't know how to react at all lol.

The only thing he didn't do was shit in the diaper but he did, uh..... Pee. I tried to keep an open mind but after a week, I just couldn't do it anymore. That was totally a kink I wasn't down for.

 

[scotcheggz]

My ex, ex used to yell the place down, I used to have to try and get her to be a bit quiet because I live in a one bed flat in a converted terraced house. It was alright though, rather that than...

My ex who used to ask me to call her a slut and punch her. No thanks. The most I ever did was like domination teasing and occasionally I'd muster something like tying her hands behind her back and shoving her head into the mattress, I didn't even really feel great about that one to be honest. That whole thing didn't last long, I appreciate its all fantasy but still, not my cup of tea.

 

[BTM]

Thanks for the late-night laughs guys. Holy shit there are some quality posts here.

 

[Corronchilejano]

I had a gf that liked biting my ears. Not softly no, really hard. I thought she was going to bite them off. She once said she thought it was funny and the same day I told her not to do it anymore, she bit my dick during oral sex. She thought it was funny too.

I never had sex with her ever again, and we broke up a few months later.

 

[Foxyone]

I suppose I initially wasn't into "receiving" from my bf, which would kill my mood when it came to that, although I did find a distraction tended to help keep me occupied, so I watched My Little Pony during (in a not weird way).

 

[Darren870]

Had a fling during High School that liked pain. She would always bite my lip and I hated it. Evetytime I tried to take it further she would refuse, but then say later she wished we did.

I hated the biting though so eventually I gave up. We caught up again every now and then and she still liked the pain. Once she let me really go at it with her and then it go back to nothing but biting my lip and making out.

Eventually we moved away and I haven't heard from her in about 8-10 years.

My lip is soar thinking about it

 

[DrkSage]

This thread is amazing. I've laughed so hard at most of the stories.

I had a gf that liked biting my ears. Not softly no, really hard. I thought she was going to bite them off. She once said she thought it was funny and the same day I told her not to do it anymore, she bit my dick during oral sex. She thought it was funny too.

I never had sex with her ever again, and we broke up a few months later.

That's some Mike Tyson shit right there.

 

[Amon37]

One of ex's liked me to pinch her nipples so hard like titty twister hard. I did but it made me cringe.

My wife always wants to bite me, not nibble but full on bite. I only let her during foreplay because it'll take me right out of the moment during sex.

 

[Kwyjib0]

One of my exes liked to be slapped really hard. I mean, so hard that I was basically giving her a right cross with an open hand. I wouldn't even call it a slap at that point, and it still wasn't as hard as she wanted. I was afraid to hit her any harder though because I didn't want to give her a concussion or mess up her face.

Also had one that liked to be choked, which isn't anything new or strange(or at least, not in my world), except one day I choked her until she passed out. Then I freaked out because I had never done that to anyone, and the mood was gone. I don't know if she wanted to pass out from it, but when she came to she seemed to be extra excited from the fact that she did. After that read about the choking thing and found out that people can actually have a heart attack from it, so I haven't done it since.

Also had a girl bite my neck extremely hard once. That killed it for me.

 

[Persona7]

jalapeno nipples

 

[AKingNamedPaul]

funny stuff.

Had an ex that used to try to lick my ass while she went down on me and would fight me when I tried to stop her. She also used to forcefully give me hand jobs at random times which got pretty hot sometimes, but would embarrass me if we made a mess.

 

[Mineshaft_Gap]

I was with a biter. It felt good until it didn't.

 

[EMT0]

jalapeno nipples

Okay, THAT one killed me

 

[Protag]

My wife tries to like, discuss plans with me while we are having sex. Stuff like, "okay, let's make sure we pay our tax bill next week".

LMFAO

 

[Foxyone]

My wife tries to like, discuss plans with me while we are having sex. Stuff like, "okay, let's make sure we pay our tax bill next week".

Is it weird to talk about other stuff? While doing stuff with my bf one time, I told him all about Nvidia Maxwell GPUs :/

 

[CreepingFear]

Is it weird to talk about other stuff? While doing stuff with my bf one time, I told him all about Nvidia Maxwell GPUs :/

PC GAF would surely get turned on by that.

 

[Charles Alan Ratliff]

Is it weird to talk about other stuff? While doing stuff with my bf one time, I told him all about Nvidia Maxwell GPUs :/

I think I and others might assume that talking about stuff like that during sex means you're not enjoying it. It would make me think I'm not doing a good enough job or something and make me think maybe we should just stop.

 

[Stinkles]

Had a fling during High School that liked pain. She would always bite my lip and I hated it. Evetytime I tried to take it further she would refuse, but then say later she wished we did.

I hated the biting though so eventually I gave up. We caught up again every now and then and she still liked the pain. Once she let me really go at it with her and then it go back to nothing but biting my lip and making out.

Eventually we moved away and I haven't heard from her in about 8-10 years.

My lip is soar thinking about it

Dying.

That last line is a tag to end all tags.

 

[Stinkles]

I suppose I initially wasn't into "receiving" from my bf, which would kill my mood when it came to that, although I did find a distraction tended to help keep me occupied, so I watched My Little Pony during (in a not weird way).

These words. I do not think they mean what you think they mean....

 

[Foxyone]

These words. I do not think they mean what you think they mean....

In a "the show is awesome" way, if I'm not digging even further.

 

[Hazaro]

Is it weird to talk about other stuff? While doing stuff with my bf one time, I told him all about Nvidia Maxwell GPUs :/

Hot. I mean cool as you can get on 28nm. Dat 970 value.

 

[dr3upmushroom]

I dated a girl once who was a squirter. Not a big deal, I've seen female ejaculation before.

But this girl was another level. She warned me before we slept together, and the first time she came to my house to have sex she brought a duffelbag. In the bag she had a rubber drop sheet and several towels. She set the drop sheet on my bed and placed the towels in strategic locations.

We started at it, and I put my fingers inside her. Within twenty seconds she started spraying everywhere. It was nuts. When we actually started coitus (can't believe I used that word) we were doing it doggy style. She kept squirting and squirting. When I came I pulled out to remove the condom and she then shot out SEVEN hard blasts in a row. It was ridiculous. I wasn't even touching her!

My room was soaked. It didn't really gross me out, she was fun. She was easily the most orgasmic person I've ever met. She could have orgasms from smelling fruit- that's not a lie.

We continued the fling for a couple of months, and after awhile I was kinda over the squirting. It was fine most of the time, but having to apply protective gear to the room every time you have sex got to be a bit much.

Seriously, I've never seen anything like this woman. I've watched 'squirting' videos of female ejaculators online, and they have nothing on what I've seen. I would bet money that she's the most prodigious female ejaculator in history.

The seven blasts line really is the bow tie of the story. Did you start counting them off like Booker T?

 

[MercuryLS]

The seven blasts line really is the bow tie of the story. Did you start counting them off like Booker T?

I'd like to imagine it was like this:

But with squirting instead of money, of course.

 

[Imperial Bishop]

This thread....

lawd jesus

 

[Nexus Zero]

It wasn't them, it was me. I blurted out "I'm gonna fuck you pregnant"

Thankfully I didn't, but I've been a bit sheepish about talking dirty since.

 

[EASTC0AST_GH05T]

I had a gf that liked biting my ears. Not softly no, really hard. I thought she was going to bite them off. She once said she thought it was funny and the same day I told her not to do it anymore, she bit my dick during oral sex. She thought it was funny too.

I never had sex with her ever again, and we broke up a few months later.

after she bit your dick did you punch her? im sorry but that would be a natural reaction from me if my dick got bit, ouch.

 

[GoxRx]

Ugh, this is so embarrassing but...


.. I had a Boyfriend who was really into being a baby. Like he loved to dress up as a baby, with a diaper and a bib and shit. I thought that it was just a joke for one night but he was so serious about it. I didn't know how to react at all lol.

The only thing he didn't do was shit in the diaper but he did, uh..... Pee. I tried to keep an open mind but after a week, I just couldn't do it anymore. That was totally a kink I wasn't down for.

This thread LOL

 

[davepoobond]

I had an ex who did a VERY crazy thing during sex... at first was kind of hot, but it reached a point when it was disturbing.

When we were in the middle of it... she suddenly whispered something like "imagine I'm Angelina Jolie"... or "close your eyes and think you're with Scarlett Johansson"... and try to imitate her voice afterwards... some times it was celebrities, some times was fictional characters, and even anime; it was very weird, but kind of hot... and then it escalated a little, because she printed photos or set a laptop next to the bed to get the "inspiration"... then it escalated a little more; she started doing that with "real people" we knew in real life, basically our female friends and some teachers and classmates (we were in college at that time); while using their facebook photos as audiovisual support... at that point, it just felt very wrong and I wasn't really comfortable with the idea.

I told this situation to a friend over a couple of beers, and he told me that it was a way to suggest me to arrange a threesome with one of our female friends... Drunk as I was, it made sense, so I talked to her to see if that was in her mind and she was incredibly offended by me thinking that. And then, I asked her if she wanted me to do the same with male celebrities or friends, but she didn't want to, she just enjoyed doing the roleplay, but it only worked if it was only her ... "it's like you can fuck any person in the world with me", she told me; it was just plain creepy at that point.

So yeah, that didn't work.

Hmmm

For some reason I think i would dig that. As long as those people were sexually appealling. Not like "fuck me like i am Rosie odonnel"

Is it weird to talk about other stuff? While doing stuff with my bf one time, I told him all about Nvidia Maxwell GPUs :/

This is hilarious, though.

 

[Devolution]

He's like really into Hulk Hogan...

 

[JumpJeff84]

He's like really into Hulk Hogan...

In bed?!? How does that manifest?

 

[Devolution]

In bed?!? How does that manifest?

Asked me if he could watch Hogan while we had sex.

 

[Timedog]

In bed?!? How does that manifest?

everyone jobs to Hogan.

 

[Messofanego]

I have another weird one with my ex. I dont know if she was trying to prove anything, or come off as adventorous, but when we first started banging she would bring up like past stuff she did with other people, but.. in a weird, totally unecessary manner.

I remember distinctly once I came in her face and she immediatly went "wow yeah.. that's kinda warm, but whenever I did this with previous partners it was ussually warmer, haha, this is new" .. or something among those lines. Now.. Im not a jealous person but she straight up talked about doing the same thing with other people while she had my semen on her face. I know you're never the first dude to do that but I dont wanna think of others doing it the minute im back down from an orgasm. It was kind of a downer.

How can you love someone if you can't discuss the finer points of semen temperature post-coitus?

 

[Zeyphersan]

It wasn't them, it was me. I blurted out "I'm gonna fuck you pregnant"

Thankfully I didn't, but I've been a bit sheepish about talking dirty since.

I don't want to say that I laughed at you, but I totally just laughed at you

 

[Liljagare]

Tigerbalm on the sack, because it makes it smell nice and fresh?

How about, NO @ U!!!!!

 

[OneEyedKing]

I was with a girl who I guess thought talking dirty was saying mean shit to you during sex 'does that feel good, you ugly piece of shit!?' like who does that crap?

This reminds me of that famous reddit post

 

[DJKhaled]

Yeah, when I'm having sex and my wife asks me if I'm finished (we had just started).

Talk about a mood killer.

been there my brother.. ahh, i love my girl to death, but sex once a month and her just laying there the whole time is really really hard for me. i would do anything for her but i just dont understand what to do

my gf also wont let me see her naked and we have been together nearly a year, that kind of upsets me too. not because i dont get to see her naked but that she doesnt feel comfortable with me to let me see and for her to know i think she's beautiful

 

[HappyBivouac]

Only thing that ever turned me off was with one ex in particular I had to be the initiator every time. This would be fine in and of itself, except when she wanted the D she would make no attempt to get me in the mood--which, let's be honest, doesn't take much--and instead would just say she wanted to have sex in the most blunt, matter-of-fact, unsexy way imaginable. It shouldn't bother me but somehow it became the biggest turn-off of all time.

 

[Tankanko]

I walked into the bedroom with my ex and saw a wig and dress on the bed. Needless to say I noped out of there pretty fast.

 

[Coolwhip]

You are my favorite poster, I never get tired of your stories.

I have a feeling they're just stories though.

 

[Chuckie]

I walked into the bedroom with my ex and saw a wig and dress on the bed. Needless to say I noped out of there pretty fast.

Her spare wig and dress? Or did she want you to wear it?