My Grandfather went in a similar way. He had a cancer of the throat, I forget the precise term of the condition. I never saw him actually die but I saw him in bed with tubes going into his neck and stuff. I was younger at this point, I was in my young teens and my brothers are younger than me.
All of his grandkids were quite close to him, so when we all got brought in to see him lying in bed at home with equipment and tubes at either side, I don't think I properly understood it, but I knew something was very wrong.
I hadn't been told that he was fighting cancer, and I never noticed him becoming ill. Either I didn't know what to look for, I was well shielded from it, or his deterioration was quite quick. The last time I saw him, we got brought in to see him, and he was sleeping a lot. He was woken up to see us. I remember at the time thinking he looked very weak and obviously very ill. He didn't appear to be in pain, I like to think not - he looked more restless than anything. I remember thinking at the time - why on earth did my mum and dad want me to see this? To me back then, it was just a weird and horrible experience, and not the way I'd of liked to have spent my last visit. But now that I think about it, I'm glad I had a chance.
He did speak to us. He was happy to see us. I say happy, but obviously everyone in the room, and especially himself - must have been both sad and scared stiff at what was going on. I think at that stage though, the adults in the room must have also known the inevitable... I was the only one out of I and my brothers who went to the funeral. At the crematorium they played a tape he'd made with all of the grandkids singing while he played organ. It was bittersweet and it's really stayed with me. When I see my cousins, whenever I play my keyboard, sometimes I'll think about that. If I'm ever fortunate enough to raise such a large family for myself, and be placed in the same situation, I think I'd wanna see my Grandkids, and I'm very glad for every moment I got to see or visit my Grandfather. I don't visit my Nan anywhere near as much as I should... This thread makes me want to see her and the family all in one place again. Not because of guilt or fear that she'll drop dead - but I just remembered how much I used to see everyone. It seems to have gotten harder to button down and do as you get older.
Sorry for your loss AniHawk. Sorry for anyone else's obviously.
It makes me feel ill just thinking about it, but the only connection or correlation my eyes have had with death is in one of the beheading videos that I saw posted on the Internet. I don't know what I expected, I don't typically have morbid curiosities... I guess I just didn't think that in spite of history, there were acts still in the world so brutal. Obviously I knew atrocities occur all the time... but actually seeing one was a wake up call, and an image will probably stay with me forever.