How much do you depend on a friend?

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Miguel

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Well, I haven't thought of a title yet, so let's just hope it's cocky and funny enough to generate interest.

Here's a long story cut into about a paragraph.

A female friend of mine for about 3-4 years, really pissed me off about 10 months ago, to the point where I stopped talking with her, although had I continued being around her, she would have probably ended up not talking to me anymore. That's not the point of this thread though.
This girl, was pretty much who I used as a punching bag/dart board. I'd sort out my problems with her, talk with her about random bullshit, and it pretty much went the same the other way around. Whenever we could we'd help each other out, and would talk just about every day. Anyway, when we split ways little under a year ago...I've failed to fill that void of having someone to have random converstations with in real life. There's always #ga and the forums, but it's not the same thing as having someone to talk with and hearing their voice and seeing their faces.

It's kinda bothered me for a while now, but I usually just kept it between a friend of mine, and a few GAers whom I've grown to trust over the past 2 years. Anyway, I'm just wondering, how many of you have had a girl, or anyone really, who you could just talk to without them thinking any less of you, and generally being interested in what you say, and actually trying to help you out with anything you may need?
 
I've had female friends like that in past (not so much anymore).
It felt good to have someone to be able to just rant to - but there was always an underlying attraction there. You can't really get around that.
 
Miguel said:
This girl, was pretty much who I used as a punching bag/dart board.
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:o

Miguel said:
Anyway, I'm just wondering, how many of you have had a girl, or anyone really, who you could just talk to without them thinking any less of you, and generally being interested in what you say, and actually trying to help you out with anything you may need?
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Yep. Haven't talked to her for... must be five years now. Life is going pretty good for me these days, but that void will remain unfilled until I find someone else like her- which I'm beginning to doubt I will- or if we ever talk again.
 
I try not to depend on anyone at all except myself. Tends to work towards that way regardless of what I do, anyhow.

I USED to have someone like that. But something that seems very common here happened, cut off contact, haven't talked in 2-3 years. That is the end of that story, for which I have reasons (Usual betrayal).
 
i have a few of these back in British Columbia.
it is not difficult to make this type of friend. they'll trust you as long as you trust them.
 
I have that now with this girl, who is one of my closest friends (and ive liked for ages buts thats not important :p). Anyway, last night she pissed me off very much. Was supposed to meet at a club at 10, I waited for over 2 fucking hours for her and i only met up with her when i randomly bumped into her on the way to the toilets. She was absolutely fucked off her nut. Couldnt walk and could barely stand upright. If i hadnt bumped into her then i wouldnt have even know she was at the place. I couldnt take my frustration out on such a drunk drunk girl, so i just made sure she had a way home and that she was in good hands then went home.

Still unbelievably pissed off at her though, and dont plan on making contact with her until she does so first apologising.

But yeah, we talk for hours all the time about anything and everything. We click so well generally.
 
Yeah, I had a girl that I was really, really close with during high school, and we could talk about anything, and inevitably turn to each other to sort things out. Then we dated and broke up. Add in some bitterness, mostly on my part given that she spread some nasty and false things about me to some mutual friends (one of which was another female friend whom I was close with and could turn to). The last two years have been pretty rocky with both, and this last summer I didn't bother to see either, and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. I feel that they each became a lot more intolerant towards me. We have very different life views (I'm an athiest and cynic, they're very religious) and I sort of hold a grudge from specific conversations where they went off on me for basically holding certain views. The one, my ex, actually contacted me tonight saying she regretted not seeing me during the summer, and wanted to catch up some by email (she's heading abroad for study). I'm really torn on whether to continue with it, try and just leave this or both friendships behind or try and repair them. I have a third close female friend who was tight with those two during high school but has since completely distanced herself from them after getting married, and I'm not really sure I want to close the door like that. This third girl though, I try not to present my problems to her, as she has far more significant issues in her life to waste time on my shit. I help her out a lot though.

But to wrap it up, yeah, I don't really feel that I have anyone I can rant to and not offend or burden them or anything. I have a few close guy friends that I can do that with once in a while, but that's never been the same, for one reason or another. I had another more recent girlfriend that I could do that with, but I ended that and try to remain friends but keep some kind of distance, so I don't exactly want to ask her to participate in solving my shit.

So yeah, I rather miss having someone like that to just talk to and bat shit back and forth with. Now there's usually an underlying awkwardness or tension with all of them when such a thing happens. I watch what I say because they've been offended by my beliefs before, as if their very existence hurts them.
 
I've been hell bent on not talking to her, cause she just really pissed me off. She's IM'ed me a few times and called some, but I wouldn't reply/answer, cause I just didn't want to talk to her. It's just kinda been eating away at me ever since cause I already find it hard enough to open up to a lot of people, including my family, and my best friend too. I'm assuming the reason I found it easier to talk to her was because of the whole attraction thing (maybe, maybe not, I don't know how this shit works), but just being able to pick up the phone and call someone and talk with them, about anything at all. Parents going through a divorce. How to cheat on our next Chemistry test. Stupid TV shows. Who has the better car. (which I obviously did, BTW).

Anyway, I just wanted to get the GAF opinion on the subject. Thanks.
 
i have two GF's like that. one i'm moving in with in november, as her mom wouldn't let her move out unless it was with me(i've already lived on my own for a year and a half, but she's done a damn good job convincing me to live with her!). she's also a waitress at a bar, so free drinks and hottie friends...coming home all the time, now!

the other girl knows all my secrets. she could bury me in an instance, and vice-versa. wouldn't have it any other way, either. she rocks. :D

i guess i should answer the question, huh?? i dunno who i'd confide in if they were gone, or the relationship was severed. definitely not my parents, and not the quacks in the hospital who are always pressuing me to talk to them.
 
don't have to answer, but what did she do to piss you off to the point of you completely cutting off contact?

i've cut off people before, but only after they've done something incredibly disrespectful..
 
I have a few girls as friends, but none that I'm terribly close to. None that I'd confide in. I'd always end up seeing them, actually, if things got too intimate.

So how do I get by? I dunno. Always have. When things get really shitty, I always have my older sister. We get along really well, though she rarely lives at home.

I've been hell bent on not talking to her, cause she just really pissed me off. She's IM'ed me a few times and called some, but I wouldn't reply/answer, cause I just didn't want to talk to her. It's just kinda been eating away at me ever since cause I already find it hard enough to open up to a lot of people, including my family, and my best friend too. I'm assuming the reason I found it easier to talk to her was because of the whole attraction thing (maybe, maybe not, I don't know how this shit works), but just being able to pick up the phone and call someone and talk with them, about anything at all. Parents going through a divorce. How to cheat on our next Chemistry test. Stupid TV shows. Who has the better car. (which I obviously did, BTW).
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What exactly did she do? Maybe you shouldn't be so stubborn. Especially if she's regretful.
 
Miguel said:
I've been hell bent on not talking to her, cause she just really pissed me off.
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What'd she do, if you don't mind answering?

I find one of my conundrums is that I don't think this girl understands at all why our remaining friendship is on the rocks. She has this major nostalgia for the old days in high school, and I get the feeling she's stuck there, and outside of the fact that we're not dating, she seems to be trying to return to that, even though it's impossible. Things change, time goes by, etc. You can't just magically go back to the past, but for some admitting that and working on something new, something evolved, isn't the easiest. For her, and maybe for me too. We just had a little AIM conversation completely devoted to me, as usual. That bugs me quite a lot too. We talk every two months at most now, and then it's always her asking me stuff, and I'm brutally honest, but I get very little out of her. I'm not really sure what that's about, whether it's on purpose or what. I'm a cynic though, and I often find myself thinking she's just checking up and comparing where our lives have went after we broke up without giving me any hint.
 
Well, since a few of you are somewhat interested, and I already told halfpastnoon, I'll just copy/paste what I told him.


long story, but to cut it short, she joined a sorority. when her new "friends" were around, she would pretend I didn't exist, I'd be talking to her, and she'd see a friend and just take off with them without saying a word. Then finally I just stopped hanging around her, and she calls me pissed off that I wasn't at class (I was, I moved seats), and she bitched me out and asked why "i was doing that shit". I told her off and said that if she wanted to go hang out with her friends she paid for, that it was fine, but I wasn't gonna be a part of it. Although it seems, I wouldn't have been a part of it anyway.

This was over a period of about 2-3 months, from joining the sorority to me finally snapping.


maybe I overreacted....but, well, :-\
 
Miguel said:
Well, since a few of you are somewhat interested, and I already told halfpastnoon, I'll just copy/paste what I told him.


long story, but to cut it short, she joined a sorority. when her new "friends" were around, she would pretend I didn't exist, I'd be talking to her, and she'd see a friend and just take off with them without saying a word. Then finally I just stopped hanging around her, and she calls me pissed off that I wasn't at class (I was, I moved seats), and she bitched me out and asked why "i was doing that shit". I told her off and said that if she wanted to go hang out with her friends she paid for, that it was fine, but I wasn't gonna be a part of it. Although it seems, I wouldn't have been a part of it anyway.

This was over a period of about 2-3 months, from joining the sorority to me finally snapping.


maybe I overreacted....but, well, :-\
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Nope. Unless she said things would change, she's no friend of yours.
 
Socreges said:
Nope. Unless she said things would change, she's no friend of yours.
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Yeah, what's up with that. If she didn't say "oh, sorry I didn't realize I was doing that" or "Sorry, I'll try to change that," it probably means she was doing it deliberately. :(

Anyway, yeah, I've had long periods of time where I have no one to unload on. Feels like everything is being pent up inside and the pain/loneliness just spirals.

Hope you feel better soon, MiG. :D

There's always #ga and the forums, but it's not the same thing as having someone to talk with and hearing their voice and seeing their faces.
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That's why jebus invented video conferencing! ;b
 
It's not necessarily bothering me too much right now. Just a few things happened the past week that brought the subject up.
 
I'd be lying if I said I never had anyone to confide in, it's just that I've never really singled anyone out as my best friend. Of course, we've all been burned by people posing to be something they aren't, so I'm always a bit hesitant.

It's easy for me to make friends, but because of my own reluctance to really divulge anything personal about myself, I never take any friends beyond the superficial level of hanging out and drinking with them. In some ways it's good, but I do feel really bad about it from time to time.
 
My three closest friends are all female. But if I suddenly found out there were really men or something, they'd still be the same imo. I've never really looked at it from a male v female point of view, but more of a "who is worth my time and worth getting to know." Most guys I know are like HAW HAW COCKY AND FUNNY, so I don't bother.
 
yadda yadda obligatory sera joke.

And, yeah, that's exactly the point. Your guy friends, no matter how serious a topic may be, will ALWAYS throw a joke into something. I know because I'm a part of the problem myself. Guys don't like being vulnerable. Jokes = HAHA I CAN LAUGH AT ALL PROBLEMS THEY DON'T BOTHER ME.
 
Yeah. I only know two guys who don't do that, and even then, it sometimes ends up with the elbow in the ribs and whatnot. I don't really care about being vulnerable, though... someone wants to poke fun or think less of me, that's on them. I am who I am, and I don't offer up apologies for it.

But anyway... just don't ponder on it too much. You know how when you lose your car keys, you try to find them and you just can't... then you stop looking, and the keys turn up? Same goes for real friends, or at least that's my experience.
 
This summer I was hurting hard from missing out on a girl that had that "the one" vibe. Just the vibe, because I don't believe there is such a thing.

We had met on the train and talked for a long while. She was incredible and we clicked so well. My stop came. I headed towards the exit as she told me her phone number a few times. I didn't get it and the door closed on me. I was crushed. The next day, instead of helping me recuperate, my friends would grill me on how I didn't just go home with her. Fuck them! Insensitive jerks. *sniff*

But seriously, I still think about her. It's rough. I need a new girlfriend badly. No more meaningless dates; something solid.
 
Socreges said:
This summer I was hurting hard from missing out on a girl that had that "the one" vibe. Just the vibe, because I don't believe there is such a thing.

We had met on the train and talked for a long while. She was incredible and we clicked so well. My stop came. I headed towards the exit as she told me her phone number a few times. I didn't get it and the door closed on me. I was crushed. The next day, instead of helping me recuperate, my friends would grill me on how I didn't just go home with her. Fuck them! Insensitive jerks. *sniff*

But seriously, I still think about her. It's rough. I need a new girlfriend badly. No more meaningless dates; something solid.
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Liek OMGZ!

B00002E224.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg
 
It sucks for me cuz I really don't have anyone to talk to about shit. My parents are emotional idiots and I hold a lot of resentment against them for stuff; my sister is probably who I'm closer to than anyone else, but she's only 17 and her life is pretty screwed up; and really the only friend I have around here now is a girl who I think I have feelings for, and so far I haven't really ranted to her about stuff and I feel like if I told her the kind of shit that's on my mind, something would be 'different' between us. So I pretty much just keep shit pent up, and it gets really frustrating.
 
:/

With me, I was the same way, I usually kept shit pent up, and never did anything about it. With her, I'd vent and vent until I could vent no more. Sometimes it helped. Sometimes it didn't, but it was always nice knowing someone would at least listen. And even if they didn't care, at least pretend to.
 
I believe that opposite sexes cannot be *real* friends. Never. There's always something there, attraction or unattraction. You can't trust them either. Here today, gone tomorrow. You have absolutely no garanty when a new man will come into her life and she will change completely. Woman are not firm. They will bend and change. Unless you're the one that's doing the bending (meaning, they're falling in love with you, so you're in or soon to be in a relationship), you can never be sure of anything they do.

The only people I trust are guys. Guys which I'm not "friends" with. The people I can trust the most are people which I respect. People I can learn from. I only talk to those people on specific subjects. But we never talk about our personal lives. Which is why our "friendship" or "relationship" will always remain, because we never expect the least from the other.

Kind of weird, but I dont have real friends anymore. I used to. But they changed. My best friend since the age of 3 suddenly became extremely Muslim. I respected his choice of course but we no longer hang out as much (or at all), he's with his arab friends I think. He's never there when I call him.

It's a shame because I know that over all those years, we both learned alot from each other.
 
Also, whenever I need someone to talk to and no ones around, I write in my journal. It really helps get things out. I always feel better afterwards and it never makes things worse or pisses me off.
 
Date of Lies said:
Also, whenever I need someone to talk to and no ones around, I write in my journal. It really helps get things out. I always feel better afterwards and it never makes things worse or pisses me off.
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I fucked your journal in the ass last night. She also told me everything about you......you fuckin weirdo.
 
Interesting thread, just a quick reply, i'll edit it in the morning

Females friendship are on a whole different level than male friendships.

I mean, take for example; my best male friend, we've known each other for like 15 years now, but we never ever talked about any deep stuff you know. Like when it comes to girls, we never really talk about anything deeper than "yea i would do her, on the kitchen table. Twice". And its pretty much like as far as it will get, same thing with my other male friends. It's not like we're ever gonna be able to discust the finer point of the female psyche or some shit.

A certain infamous exgf was my best female friend for like 3 years before we got "more" involved, which eventually led to the famous backstabbing/revenge sex events that were documented on this board a year ago. I've gone out with a bunch of girls before, but it never was on the same level than with her. It totally was the whole ying and yang shit when we were friends. We would talk about anything, without any fears and stuff like that. We talked shit that you dont really want to talk with even your best friends. The connection was much stronger than with other male friends I had.

We dont have much contacts anymore than thru the net, but I horribly miss the old link we had before it became more serious. I really miss having someone to just rant or talk about how shitty my life is turning. If i call one of my friend, he's gonna say "yo know what, forget that shit and let's go the the strippers". I mean, its alright, but I really miss the more mature convos we had together. I only place i can now pour my stuff is on this message board, and this really sucks. But It's nothing like just having a real confident that will listen to you and just discuss things, at any time of the day, like it was with her.

god fucking

Jesus, my life is getting so fucking lame right now, i'm losing contact with my friends since we all got different lives now, i'm 23yo, still living at home, i'm actually cancelling my university entry since theres no fucking way that i'm going to be able to cope with everything since I lost my job and want to move out at any cost, and I still need to finish college stuff. Nobody ever fucking helped me in life.

And with the people i'm still friends with, i'm always out for a kill these days. Just tonight I got a pretty heated verbal fight iwth this guy i've hung out with for the lenght of my college gig, and with another female friend of mine Holy fuck I cant stand retards anymore. Well maybe she wasnt really a good friend, just some chick from college

All i'm fucking doing of my days now is staying at home on irc in front of the computer while my family hates me for what i've becoming, ;a guy who had a future at some point (fuck if i know how to spell that in english) son who fucked up his life; while i just fucking stay home, with no job, playing burnout 3 while gaining weight and slowly becoming a shadow of what i was. My health is going down the drain, i havent shaved in like a week now. I'm always incredible exhausted and its like my brain is rotting away.

How i fucking wish I could go back to 2000 or 2001, where my life was much simplier, where at least I had her to grab myself on when it was getting rough. I dont have anybody anymore, i'm so horribly alone for that stuff. It hit me when I decided to postpone my entry for a year -- i would always ask for inputs and what she thought about it. But she's just not there anymore. Because of all the shit tha thappened. Because of HER, because of that slimy fuck who thought he could get away with it. That shit fucking broke me in two, i never saw that shit coming, I never would have expected such threason from HER. She backstabbed me. I wish it never happened. I wish we never got more involved, because when we were just friends, we had all the leeway to do whatever we wanted with whoever we wanted, and we didnt care, as long as the other one didnt suffer. I became such a protector with over that over time, I forgot about protecting myself. That shit broke me down, it totally destroyed me in the long run. I dont have any motivation anymore. I'm just not caring about anything. I just cant believe in anyone anymore. They'll all fucking turn against you one day.

They'll tell you any fucking bullshit fairy tale story for you to listen, until they see fit to smash your skull when youre less expecting it.

I'm giving up.
 
I keep everything to myself. I hope oneday that I'll have so much bottled inside that I'LL SNAP AND GO ON A MASS KILLING SPREE. Not really. I don't have many problems in life.
 
I have a problem trusting girl friends, high school did that to me. Two of my best friends are guys and one a girl. I haven't been relying on them much, I suppose, but sucks because I should be. I feel so damned lonesome too and it sucks because when I'm with my friends or see one online, I draw a blank. I'd talk, but just not about my feelings. I keep a diary, so maybe that's the reason? I don't know. Someone care tp play freud on this one?
 
I think my problem is, that I'm starting to not trust too many people with anything. Even my best friend, I usually don't tell him things now unless he really gets after me and pretty much gets me to talk about whatever. Lately though, it hasn't really happened. Only things we talk about really now are movies, music, and sports. We hardly ever talk about our personal lives...because well, we've both pretty much shut ourselves off from those who we used to know. (from high school)

He finally called one of his teammates from the high school baseball team about 3 months ago one day, after not talking with him for about a year. After that week though, he hasn't called him again that I know of. I have run into people I knew in HS, I'll talk with them for a minute, but then go on my way and not try to keep in contact with them. Although...about a week ago, I did email one of my friends from middle/high school who I hadn't really talked to since 10th grade. It was just a quick email, but, well, it was just nice hearing from someone.

Meh.

jordan.jpg

"What would Jordan do?"
 
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