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[Mariolee]

My sister is an Asian High School freshman this year at a private Christian school. Throughout this whole year a white senior boy has been getting closer and closer to her despite her at first fending off his advances. Eventually she felt pressure and back in February he pushed himself to kiss her. I asked if this was at all consensual, but she refuses to say he forced himself on her. She just felt pressured is all. Her words.

Around the end of March, our grandmother who we were close with passed away due to lung cancer, which took an emotional toll on both of us. We along with our family flew to Indonesia to bury her and give her a proper funeral, but because of this she had to pull out of school. It was during our trip she told me about the kiss and the way this guy has been on her, so I told her very clearly not to ever speak to this guy again if he's treating you this way and to let me and any adults know if he starts escalating it in anyway.

Unfortunately, the guy didn't give up. A week or two after we get back from our trip, she’s back in school but falling behind in her studies as she couldn’t catch up. She decides to go out with her friends to a school function or something. Around 8PM, he meets up with her again and takes her back to his car. After a bit of talking, he starts driving out of the parking lot and asks her to give him a blowjob while he drives. When she refuses, he gets pissed saying that he’s prepared for all this. He then asks her if she’s willing to “do it”. My sister said she felt pressured at that moment, and eventually they parked somewhere and had sex. He apparently used a condom, but my sister is afraid it could have been broken. I asked her if she felt anything that would’ve indicated it broke, and she said she didn’t…that time.

The day after, this motherfucker waits for my dad to leave the house and visits my sister again. She tells him he shouldn’t be here. Eventually they have sex in her bedroom again anyways. This time, even though he again was wearing a condom, she felt something.

Fast forward a month later to now, she’s super afraid she’s pregnant because she’s been getting migraines and her lower back has been hurting, but she’s not sure how much of this she’s just imagining. My whole family, including her and I, are Christians. I’m the most liberal out of all of them. An abortion would be out of the question, but she’s afraid if word gets out about this (which it is starting too) the teachers could find out and possibly kick her out of the Christian school (which would be incredibly fucked up) and my conservative Asian Republican parents who are already stressed with selling their business, care home and moving me to Med School this fall would go absolutely ballistic.

She took a pregnancy test yesterday and it was negative, but she wants to take another one this Thursday. The dude is graduating, but is going to a Community College near our house. I asked to talk to him but she wouldn’t let me for now, at least not until Thursday. She doesn’t want parents or police involved because she doesn’t want him to get in trouble in case she is pregnant and has the baby, she wants the baby to have a father. Honestly, I want to punch out this asshole but I want to know before I do anything stupid what advice you may have? So far after talking with her, I just let her know that whatever happens I’m here for her and will take care of her.

TLDR; My freshman sister had sex with a senior boy twice, afraid she’s pregnant, first pregnancy test negative and the second we will see this Thursday, our parents and rest of our extended family are highly religious conservative people, I want to know what I should do moving forward.

5/29 Update 1: My plan.

6/1 Update 2: The pregnancy test.

6/3 Update 3: FAQ

 

[mcrommert]

You know what to do

 

[SlipperyFishes]

You know what to do.

 

[WaterAstro]

Well, it's rape imo. I would involve the police for some restraining order.

Sounds like she clearly doesn't like him.

 

[Syder]

You know what to do.



Seriously though, I've been in your exact situation man. I really had to struggle to get police involved. Good luck and just be supportive.

 

[Lil'DigiOp]

Wait for that second test.

If its negative, you stake that motherfucker out

This is so terrible. But I think you need to decide if you want to press charges which sounds like it wouldn't work in your situation. Its pretty much in your hands.

 

[Strangelove77]

You do you.

Oh wait no, I mean you know what to do.

 

[Fj0823]

Kick his ass OP.

Or get the police involved as he was clearly forcing himself on her.

 

[RS4-]

Fuck.

I know it'd be up to her, religion and parents complicate things, but I'd get the police involved.

 

[sackninja]

Not from America, so not certain of the ages of people in each year of high school, but wouldn't your sister be below the age of consent? So surely it would be statuary rape regardless of circumstances. I would say if she isn't pregnant, get the police involved.

 

[ohyouagain]

I have no similar experience OP but I would suggest you don't enter physical contact with this man. Be there for your sister, make sure she doesn't start depreciating herself and make everything to keep her mood intact.
If your sister agrees, contact the police and inform them of the situation. The rest is their problem.

Oh, and make sure nobody in your family gets into trouble. You seem to be a sound man, take the time to manage the negativty surrounding this event within your family.

 

[Josh5890]

You know what to do

You know what to do.

This. If I was in your shoes OP, I would be settling all of my affairs before I was sentenced for 20 years.

 

[shira]

That guy is a fucking snake.

 

[Mariolee]

Well, it's rape imo. I would involve the police for some restraining order.

Sounds like she clearly doesn't like him.

She apparently liked him in February, and they had an "off-on" type thing.

You know what to do

You know what to do.

You do you.

Oh wait no, I mean you know what to do.

Thanks for the advice?

You know what to do.



Seriously though, I've been in your exact situation man. I really had to struggle to get police involved. Good luck and just be supportive.

For sure thanks.

Wait for that second test.

If its negative, you stake that motherfucker out

I'm ready to stake this motherfucker out now.

Kick his ass OP.

Or get the police involved as he was clearly forcing himself on her.

I also however don't want to ruin my little sister's life even more my letting this get out, which is what would happen if police involvement were to occur. I think what I'm going to do is if the test is negative, I'm going to arrange a meet up with him face to face so I can level just how much of a dumb jackass he is and that if he does ever get anywehre near my sister again I WILL get the police involved without hesitation.

At this point, it seems like the senior boy is just as afraid as my sister that she's pregnant.

 

[Lord Fagan]

My sister is an Asian High School freshman this year at a private Christian school. Throughout this whole year a white senior boy has been getting closer and closer to her despite her at first fending off his advances. Eventually she felt pressure and back in February he pushed himself to kiss her. I asked if this was at all consensual, but she refuses to say he forced himself on her. She just felt pressured is all. Her words.

Unfortunately, the guy didn't give up. A week or two after we get back from our trip, she's back in school but falling behind in her studies as she couldn't catch up. She decides to go out with her friends to a school function or something. Around 8PM, he meets up with her again and takes her back to his car. After a bit of talking, he starts driving out of the parking lot and asks her to give him a blowjob while he drives. When she refuses, he gets pissed saying that he's prepared for all this. He then asks her if she's willing to ”do it". My sister said she felt pressured at that moment, and eventually they parked somewhere and had sex. He apparently used a condom, but my sister is afraid it could have been broken. I asked her if she felt anything that would've indicated it broke, and she said she didn't...that time.

The day after, this motherfucker waits for my dad to leave the house and visits my sister again. She tells him he shouldn't be here. Eventually they have sex in her bedroom again anyways. This time, even though he again was wearing a condom, she felt something.

She took a pregnancy test yesterday and it was negative, but she wants to take another one this Thursday. The dude is graduating, but is going to a Community College near our house. I asked to talk to him but she wouldn't let me for now, at least not until Thursday. She doesn't want parents or police involved because she doesn't want him to get in trouble in case she is pregnant and has the baby, she wants the baby to have a father.

Something about these bolded portions is making me wonder just how much she is resisting all this. I don't want to make any assumptions, but OP, at my most generous, I have to say this kind of cognitive dissonance is troubling.

Dude is no good. Your sister is beyond confused at the very least and this is a cry for help. I say in the interest of caution, you need to reach for outside authority.

 

[KarneeKarnay]

OP don't get caught. That's all I am going to say. If you have to teach this little bag of scum a lesson, just don't get caught.

 

[BibiMaghoo]

I wouldn't just let it go. Either it was legit to your sister or it was not. If not, see above. Only she can determine that, and that determines if you get involved or not.

 

[jaekeem]

I guess all that's left to do is to wait for the second test and to support her, regardless of the outcome.

I know violence is foolish, but christ. If this happened to my little sister I would be out for blood.

 

[Westbahnhof]

When did you learn about all this? All in one long talk? Sorry if I missed it.

 

[Mariolee]

Not from America, so not certain of the ages of people in each year of high school, but wouldn't your sister be below the age of consent? So surely it would be statuary rape regardless of circumstances. I would say if she isn't pregnant, get the police involved.

Oh most definitely. But again, I don't want to make things worse for my sister so the police card is something I'm holding onto for now.

I have no similar experience OP but I would suggest you don't enter physical contact with this man. Be there for your sister, make sure she doesn't start depreciating herself and make everything to keep her mood intact.
If your sister agrees, contact the police and inform them of the situation.

The rest is their problem. Oh, and make sure nobody in your family gets into trouble. You seem to be a sound man, take the time to manage the negativty surrounding this event within your family.

Thanks man, I definitely let her know that what she's gone through is terrible and that whatever I do I will consult her first so she's feels she at least has some semblance of control. I feel like that's important for her right now. Not telling my parents because Lord knows they can't handle this right now. Just praying that this second test is negative.

This. If I was in your shoes OP, I would be settling all of my affairs before I was sentenced for 20 years.

I'm not going to punch him out, but man I wish I could.

That guy is a fucking snake.

The thing is he's a wimpy snake. Dude is terrified right now if he's going to be a father and this gets out to the school and his parents.

 

[Consul]

Snip - I'm sorry this comment wasn't helpful at all.

 

[hydrophilic attack]

OP, you have to consider the possibility that your sister actually likes him, but because of her upbringing doesn't want you to think less of her, and so isn't telling you the full story.

Not saying that's what's going on, but it is a possibility.

 

[John Kowalski]

Talk to the school, they may have someone who can help in these situations.

 

[siddx]

I think your sister might like this dude more than she is willing to admit to you. Regardless the guy sounds like a fucking dipshit.

 

[Reeks]

Make sure he know he's on your radar. I wouldn't start a physical altercation, but make sure he's aware that you're willing to do something about the situation. Tell him to leave her alone or else. Once he's in college, I think he might be past the age for statutory rape. How old is she?

Tell your parents you don't like him and leave it at that. At least this way, he'll be on their radar, toor without getting your sister into trouble.

Good luck

 

[Syder]

WTF dude. So she told you about this as it was happening and you didn't do shit... what the fuck are you going to do now? Bit late isn't it

Fuck off with this crap, dude.

OP and his sister are victims of this asshole.

 

[One Eyed Willy]

Sounds like she thinks she's pregnant and is probably scared. If you feel compelled to confront the guy, maybe before kicking his ass... ask for his side of the story.

 

[Grizzlyjin]

Don't beat him up. You'll go to jail and they'll probably keep fucking around while you're locked up.

I mean, the most important thing is everybody being on the same page. I can almost guarantee they'll dodge this pregnancy bullet and then the cycle will repeat. Just have her send a text that they can't do this anymore and if it keeps up she's gonna have to tell the police. It probably should come from her, because if it's just from you they might keep doing this and just cut you out the loop. But if he knows she'll potentially do it, he'll back off.

 

[Westbahnhof]

OP, you have to consider the possibility that your sister actually likes him, but because of her upbringing doesn't want you to think less of her, and so isn't telling you the full story.

Not saying that's what's going on, but it is a possibility.

That's actually what I was think, but it feels bad to say it. Because she might be the legitimate victim here.
But I agree, considering the conservative Christian family, it's important to make sure that all the facts are there. Scared half-truths can be dangerous.

 

[Mariolee]

Something about these bolded portions is making me wonder just how much she is resisting all this. I don't want to make any assumptions, but OP, at my most generous, I have to say this kind of cognitive dissonance is troubling.

Dude is no good. Your sister is beyond confused at the very least and this is a cry for help. I say in the interest of caution, you need to reach for outside authority.

Definitely, I can see that victim mindset I've heard about so much first hand. She's trying to defend him even though this shit is indefensible.

OP don't get caught. That's all I am going to say. If you have to teach this little bag of scum a lesson, just don't get caught.

I wouldn't just let it go. Either it was legit to your sister or it was not. If not, see above. Only she can determine that, and that determines if you get involved or not.

Again, not gonna hurt him. That's not the way to fix this. But man I wish I would.

I guess all that's left to do is to wait for the second test and to support her, regardless of the outcome.

I know violence is foolish, but christ. If this happened to my little sister I would be out for blood.

When did you learn about all this? All in one long talk? Sorry if I missed it.

One hour ago.

WTF dude. So she told you about this as it was happening and you didn't do shit... what the fuck are you going to do now? Bit late isn't it

She told me about the kiss in March, but after my brutal warning she said she hadn't talked to him for a month anyway and that he was graduating and it was over. She only told me the rest of this story literally one hour ago.

 

[mcrommert]

Main concern is how familiar you are with the operation of a blow torch

 

[shira]

Talk to the school, they may have someone who can help in these situations.

Not at a Christian school.

but she’s afraid if word gets out about this (which it is starting too) the teachers could find out and possibly kick her out of the Christian school (which would be incredibly fucked up)

 

[Josh5890]

I'm not going to punch him out, but man I wish I could.

Punch? Who said anything about just punching??? In all seriousness though I can't imagine trying to hold that anger in. Kudos to you

The thing is he's a wimpy snake. Dude is terrified right now if he's going to be a father and this gets out to the school and his parents.

[/QUOTE]

One thing to keep in mind, if he doesn't want to be a father (which I doubt he wanted to anyway) you should really protect your sister. I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to inflict bodily harm to her causing her to lose the child.

 

[diaspora]

Dude sounds like a rapist

 

[DiipuSurotu]

That guy belongs in jail. He raped your sister, if he isn't punished there's no reason he won't rape other people in the future. It's not just about your sister and your family; this guy is a menace to the rest of society and must be stopped. IMO.

 

[hydrophilic attack]

I think your sister might like this dude more than she is willing to admit to you. Regardless the guy sounds like a fucking dipshit.

Yup.

Women are not always helpless victims, and they do have sexuality. It's not necessarily the job of you as her brother to act as a chaperone on her sexuality.

(Assuming she is legal age in your jurisdiction) the best thing you can do for her is helping her understand what she can do on her end for contraception. Because I'm guessing her Christian school didn't teach her. If you can't or would find it too awkward, direct her to the equivalent of Planned Parenthood. They would likely also help her do the right thing if your suspicions about consent in this case are correct.

Basically, she needs to speak with an adult outside the family

 

[Alucrid]

I also however don't want to ruin my little sister's life even more my letting this get out, which is what would happen if police involvement were to occur.

that's depressing and reminded me about that thread on forced child marriages in the US.

 

[HiiiLife]

Your little sister was potentially raped and you're waiting for permission to talk to this dude? You're supposed to be the big brother.

 

[Josh5890]

Main concern is how familiar you are with the operation of a blow torch

Now we are getting somewhere!

 

[Mariolee]

OP, you have to consider the possibility that your sister actually likes him, but because of her upbringing doesn't want you to think less of her, and so isn't telling you the full story.

Not saying that's what's going on, but it is a possibility.

I think your sister might like this dude more than she is willing to admit to you. Regardless the guy sounds like a fucking dipshit.

For sure, and that's what I (carefully) brought up during our discussion. I didn't want her to feel victim-blamed, but I wanted everything clear and out on the table when she was into him, what was consensual, etc. It seems like they've been in this grey area for a while. I let her know that I am not our parents, and she knows how open I can be. I let her know that the best way to move forward in all this is if she tells me the complete truth, and I will not judge. I think she understands that now.

Talk to the school, they may have someone who can help in these situations.

The thing about this school is that she's afraid they're going to kick her out if they find out she's pregnant. Wouldn't be very conducive to the Christian purity of the school would it? It makes me sick.

Make sure he know he's on your radar. I wouldn't start a physical altercation, but make sure he's aware that you're willing to do something about the situation. Tell him to leave her alone or else. Once he's in college, I think he might be past the age for statutory rape. How old is she?

Tell your parents you don't like him and leave it at that. At least this way, he'll be on their radar, toor without getting your sister into trouble.

Good luck

I've already told them about this Jack dude without being specific as to why.

Fuck off with this crap, dude.

OP and his sister are victims of this asshole.

Thanks man.

Sounds like she thinks she's pregnant and is probably scared. If you feel compelled to confront the guy, maybe before kicking his ass... ask for his side of the story.

Absolutely, my plan is to talk to him in person first and level with him and get his story, but to also let him know how much he fucked up and that if he ever comes near my sister again I will absolutely call the cops.

Don't beat him up. You'll go to jail and they'll probably keep fucking around while you're locked up.

I mean, the most important thing is everybody being on the same page. I can almost guarantee they'll dodge this pregnancy bullet and then the cycle will repeat. Just have her send a text that they can't do this anymore and if it keeps up she's gonna have to tell the police. It probably should come from her, because if it's just from you they might keep doing this and just cut you out the loop. But if he knows she'll potentially do it, he'll back off.

Hmm, this might be a good piece of advice too.

That's actually what I was think, but it feels bad to say it. Because she might be the legitimate victim here.
But I agree, considering the conservative Christian family, it's important to make sure that all the facts are there. Scared half-truths can be dangerous.

It's definitely a complex situation which is why I want to consider all angles before moving forward with action.

 

[Westbahnhof]

Your little sister was potentially raped and you're waiting for permission to talk to this dude? You're supposed to be the big brother.

I get the urge to take justice in your own hand. I'm a big brother. I've felt that.
But I feel it's our purpose, as people asked for advice, to not suggest bloody vengeance that will just fuck up his own future.
What the hell.
Even going and confronting isn't wise imo.
There are people to involve. Authorities. Someone who actually can legally do something.

 

[Skellig Gra]

You guys sure lather up quick. There is the very real possibility that the OPs sister isn't being totally honest. Now that could mean this dude is a straight up rapist, or it could mean she wants to have sex like many teenagers do but feels ashamed because of her family/religious upbringing.

 

[Consul]

D
She told me about the kiss in March, but after my brutal warning she said she hadn't talked to him for a month anyway and that he was graduating and it was over. She only told me the rest of this story literally one hour ago.

Sorry dude my comment wasn't helpful at all. I have 2 younger sisters, they wouldn't ever talk to me about anything like that and it's probably down to the (unhelpful) reaction they know I'd have. Honestly, I don't know what you should do, it's a really difficult situation. Whatever you feel is best is what I would suggest, I'm sure other posters will help you to work that out with much better advice than me. Best of luck to you and your sister and I'm sorry to hear this.

 

[HiiiLife]

I get the urge to take justice in your own hand. I'm a big brother. I've felt that.
But I feel it's our purpose, as people asked for advice, to not suggest bloody vengeance that will just fuck up his own future.
What the hell.

Who said bloody vengeance? I'm an older brother too. You can confront people without having to punch them in the mouth.

 

[cameron]

I'm not America, but High School Freshman means 14/15 years old? She's 14/15 and may be pregnant? Man...

The story starts like disturbing high school drama then goes full tilt into totally fucked up. Sorry, I have no advice. Hoping the second test is negative.

Edit:

Tell your sister you don't think less of her, and women, who have premarital sex. Tell her you honestly believe men and women should have the agency to have sex if they want, and that you don't believe that having sex outside of marriage makes you a horrible person doomed to hell. Let her know that your first and only concern, as her sibling, is for her to be mentally and physically happy and healthy, and that you simply don't want her to do anything she's not comfortable with because you love her and just want her to be happy.

Let her know that if she's intimidated by this guy, you're more than happy to knock him out with a baseball bat, but if she really likes him you'd like to get to know him and you're supportive of her decisions. Emphasize you just want her to be with a man who respects her agency and desires.

Solid advice.

 

[hydrophilic attack]

Tell your sister you don't think less of her, and women, who have premarital sex. Tell her you honestly believe men and women should have the agency to have sex if they want, and that you don't believe that having sex outside of marriage makes you a horrible person doomed to hell. Let her know that your first and only concern, as her sibling, is for her to be mentally and physically happy and healthy, and that you simply don't want her to do anything she's not comfortable with because you love her and just want her to be happy.

This is good advice

 

[esmith08734]

By the way, I hope your sister feels better soon through all this. That's a really tough and sad situation.

Don't get yourself arrested, OP. What kind of senior goes after a freshman in high school? What a fucking weirdo.

 

[stump sock]

any chance this guy is 18 or older? if he's a senior it's possible. if he is... it's 100% time to call the cops and get this guy thrown in big boy prison for statuatory rape.

e: do you guys really think confronting this guy is the right or smart thing to do?

 

[Sheiter]

Why are people talking about how honest the sister may or may not be? Or how much she may or may not like the guy? If she is a freshman she is 14, 15 years old tops. It's pretty clear that the graduating student raped her, whether statutory or otherwise.

 

[Dhx]

How old is your sister and how old is the guy?