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[F34R]

Eventually her parents will find out about this. Just like "everyone" at school is finding out about it. These things spread, period.

Not telling her parents can possibly put her in the "she's not a victim" corner when they find out.

The brother playing this detective role isn't going to help matters at all.

The only thing he should be doing is supporting her.

My advice is to tell the parents, tell law enforcement. If she doesn't want either of those, then just stay in her corner and be there when she needs you. You're plan isn't going to help her in the least.

Get her some professional counseling.

 

[Cracklox]

OP, you're a good bro. For real. In the most literal sense

My older bro's pretty shit tbh, but then we're two manly men who don't get involved in each others lives, let alone emotions these days

 

[sinkfla87]

I had a friend who was raped a few months before we met (a year prior to her telling me) and.....your rationality in dealing with this situation is going to be decreased even if you don't realize it.

What you have to do OP is call the cops today. Like as soon as you read this. It's Friday which is his graduation day. He needs to be arrested as soon as possible or even at the ceremony, to give him that huge stain on his reputation forever where everybody finds out why he's not there. Even if it doesn't lead to charges, getting him arrested and shamed by everyone else is the best option you have and the only option that will actually lead to him being less likely to rape again (besides murder of course).

Unfortunately, there's almost no way you can prove a he-said she-said rape case but I know in your mind, you want to speak to him face-to-face first because you're thinking there could be some extra evidence you get on him that will build a strong case or something. There isn't, he'll lie or run and that's it. Meeting him in person will only satisfy your vengeance which I know you want so hard to believe you're above since you are a very supportive and empathetic person.

Call the police right now, deal with the family drama later.

Honestly.... This x1000, OP. The family aftermath may suck for awhile but this is not your sisters fault and I would like to believe/hope that your parents (regardless of political or idealogical affiliation) will want to support their child through this tragedy.

 

[Mariolee]

Both of these posts encapsulate why (at the moment) I do not want to go to the police. To say the "family aftermath" would "suck" for awhile is a massive understatement.

Yeah, I really hate to say it (and I hate that it's almost certainly true), but going to the police will likely be more trouble than it's worth, OP.

When it comes to rape, unless the narrative is that she fought him off vigorously, while shouting "no" and sustained numerous visible injuries in the process, it's unlikely the matter will be prosecuted and even more unlikely there will be a conviction.

Statutory rape is a much clearer charge, but even then - Word will get out that your sister had sex with this guy and, for some, the narrative will be that your sister willingly had a sexual relationship with him and then ruined the poor kids life.

Going to the police is something that the two of you need to think carefully about and something that, absolutely under no circumstances, should you pursue without her consent, because if you involve the police she will be the one dealing with all of the extraordinary burden that entails.

Don't involve the cops.

Please. Not yet.

I firmly and soundly endorse everything backslashbunny and Keri are saying. However, and I speak from experience here as a former federal prosecutor, once you involve the authorities, you're going to expose your sister to the wheels of the criminal justice system. Moreover, as you probably know, what she wants won't matter, because she's simply a witness, and the State is the aggrieved party.

I was once forced to prosecute an 18-year-old who slept with a 15-year-old in a purely consensual relationship. She didn't want it to happen. But her choices didn't matter. If you're talking about empowering young women and teaching them agency, all you need to tank those lessons is a vindictive (or in my case, Mormon) DA who coerces their cooperation.

Anyway.

I don't mean to be especially skeptical, but I feel like there's a very high probability of two things. First, it's possible no legal crime was committed (it depends on your jurisdiction as well as the facts of the encounter). Second, she's likely not telling you the entire story.

I think the best piece of advice is to wholly support her. But she needs to talk to a trained, empathetic adult outside of your family.

Edit: Also, you're going to med school? If you have any kind of character and fitness requirements for licensing, keep in mind that a doctor's salary can help your little sister out a fuckton more than the cathartic release of smashing this dude's car.

 

[Yoshimitsu126]

OP hang in there it seems like you know what you're doong!!!

 

[Rumblebones]

It boggles my mind how your sister, a freshman, could tell you about being pressured into kissing a boy, a goddamned senior i.e. damn near fully grown man, and you do nothing about it and it escalates to what some would consider rape, and in your own house.

I don't understand this mindset. Fuck going to medical school, that's your baby sister coming to you for help. Even if you weren't inclined to fuck that dude up, you didn't do anything. You didn't tell your parents, the school, you didn't approach the dude - you did nothing. What is up with that?

 

[Formless]

The issue I'm seeing here is that he's a senior and she's a freshman. To me it does not sound like she is being raped unless it is statutory rape because of the age difference. What are the laws where you are?

How is all this even being brought up? Is it her, or is it you grilling her for answers? That's important imo as she may just be telling you what she thinks she should tell you after you question her about it. It sounds like possibly she feels guilty and so she tells you one thing but in reality is ok with this guy. On the other hand if she is the one bringing this up as a concern...then you should absolutely be concerned.

Also what's up with the white and asian descriptive terms? My daughter is white and is with a black guy but I don't feel the need to point this out except right here. Why is that the case for you?

It's no secret that white guys pair with Asian girls commonly, and the underlying worry is that this guy basically picked this girl thinking a young Asian one would be easy.

 

[Mariolee]

It boggles my mind how your sister, a freshman, could tell you about being pressured into kissing a boy, a goddamned senior i.e. damn near fully grown man, and you do nothing about it and it escalates to what some would consider rape, and in your own house.

I don't understand this mindset. Fuck going to medical school, that's your baby sister coming to you for help. Even if you weren't inclined to fuck that dude up, you didn't do anything. You didn't tell your parents, the school, you didn't approach the dude - you did nothing. What is up with that?

Your answers lie in the thread, and not in being condescending from your high horse.

 

[Breads]

Fuck christianity and fuck dudes like this.

I was in a similar situation with my sister. Ended up having to take custody over my sister's child for two years in lieu of the government putting them in foster care because she was utterly unprepared to take care of the child by herself and had all sorts of breakdowns, which is what happened when the dude bailed (when he promised he wouldn't!).

She wouldn't abort because she was a christian and the church did indeed turn their backs to her so she had precious few who gave their support. Church couldn't even be there for moral support though they did like to point the finger at her for not benig a good enough christian which, over time, forced her out due to constant shaming. Fuck them.

This all ruined her life and the dude is out there somewhere not paying child support/ dealing with any consequences let alone being in my sister's life in any capacity and she refuses to pursue it legally because she doesn't want him to go through any trouble or whatever passivity bullshit church think put in her mind that keeps her preferring to not address it and keeping to herself forever the victim because being a victim in your lonesome out of the way for other judgmental people to see is the best way for girls to deal with in situations like this due to christian/ conservative culture.

 

[F34R]

Both of these posts encapsulate why (at the moment) I do not want to go to the police. To say the "family aftermath" would "suck" for awhile is a massive understatement.

I completely understand the reasons NOT to go to the police or the parents. However, your back road detective work isn't going to help in the slightest at all. Tell him to stay away from your sister or the police will be notified. Done.

Two things.. if the police aren't going to be involved, leave the guy out of it after telling him to stay away from your sister. If the police are going to be involved, leave the guy out of it after telling him to stay away from your sister. Anything beyond telling him one time is just going to cause more problems than it will solve; for you and for her. Especially if this ended up getting law enforcement involved.

She needs your support for her personally. She definitely doesn't need to be involved in contacting anyone related to what's going on. That just causes ripples.

 

[MogCakes]

OP putting 'family turmoil' over your sister's health and well-being by not going to the police tells me either you or your family have a fucked up sense of morality. It isn't difficult, YOUR UNDERAGE SISTER WAS RAPED BY AN OLDER MALE. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING.

Edit: alright, after reading some other posts I'm not as furious. This whole thing is fucked up. Does your sister have feelings for this guy or what? Why would she even allow him inside the house if she doesn't? Why would she get into his car? What the fuck at all of this.

 

[Mariolee]

After rereading some posts and thinking about it for awhile, I'm more inclined to tell his parents just straight up what happened and how messed up my sister is because of it. Their influence will affect him far greater than any talk by me can. However, not sure if this will cause any long lasting problems for my sister and still do not want to go to the authorities for reasons stated above.

What are your guys' thoughts?

 

[levious]

Can't believe you're not going to the cops. He's 18 and she's a minor.

 

[F34R]

After rereading some posts and thinking about it for awhile, I'm more inclined to tell his parents just straight up what happened and how messed up my sister is because of it. Their influence will affect him far greater than any talk by me can. However, not sure if this will cause any long lasting problems for my sister and still do not want to go to the authorities for reasons stated above.

What are your guys' thoughts?

What usually happens is the parents of the bad guy take his side and shame your sister. There's the slight chance the parents know their kid is a piece of crap and side with you, but still nothing can be done about it from their point of view. Talking to his parents most likely won't do any good at all.

I can't tell you how many parents I talked to when it comes to their kids being bad. I would say 1 out of 10 parents would agree, yet nothing was ever done to fix the problem or even address it. Hell, I had a mom ridicule me because I spoke with her about her son being arrested for a strong arm robbery, victim being a disabled white teenager. It's not her sons fault the white kid let him do it. smh

Like I said before, either let the authorities deal with the guy, or leave him be. Nothing good will come out of anything you do to him without the bad being 2 fold. You should primarily focus on your sister and your sister only. The more you are involved with dealing with the guy, the more pressure she's going to feel about it.

 

[Flying Toaster]

After rereading some posts and thinking about it for awhile, I'm more inclined to tell his parents just straight up what happened and how messed up my sister is because of it. Their influence will affect him far greater than any talk by me can. However, not sure if this will cause any long lasting problems for my sister and still do not want to go to the authorities for reasons stated above.

What are your guys' thoughts?

Go to the police. Go to the Police. Guess what there are adults that actually deal with this stuff they are called Police.

 

[13ruce]

Go to the police the guy is by official terms a pedophile since your sister is younger than 18 or 16 depending on where you are.

 

[LoveCake]

If you tell his parents, then you must tell yours first and also after telling his parents the police.

If your sister is pregnant then both parents will find out, then the police.

If this is spreading around the school and if your sister is pregnant or not, either way there is a high chance that the staff will find out and thus your parents.

If you do decide to tell either parent (or the police) then it is your sister that needs to do this and you back her up as you have been.

There comes a point where a decision has to be made, and the consequences of a decision are the consequences and that is that.

I even think that if your sister is not pregnant then she needs to own up to your parents, because they could find out themselves one day and it is the honest thing to do, I would think from the strong religious values viewpoint, it is better to own up than be found out.

I know there are strong religious values in this instance, I have not considered these in my reasoning though (I am not religious in any way) what must be done at the end of the day is the right thing, what is right nobody knows, but ultimately the decision is your sisters.

You need to be there for both your sister and your family and you don't want to end up damaging either relationship, You are doing a good thing standing by and supporting your sister.

I am hoping for the best for your sister and yourself OP.

 

[Zaphrynn]

Having just caught up on the thread, and knowing this guy is spreading bullshit about having "sex" with your sister...you might want to try and encourage her to tell your parents and in turn, the police.

Normally I would not be on the "police" route, because it is usually up to the victim to decide this sort of thing, but there is a strong possibility your parents could find out on their own (if a teacher catches wind, they probably HAVE to report it due to stat rape). If your sister goes to your parents with you and talks to them, she is able to set the narrative and explain things on her terms. However, if your parents are anything like mine, they will probably want to call the police immediately.

And this is a good thing. It is so, so rare for rapists to go to jail or get convicted for their crime, even if it's "violent" rape. It's one reason why I hate when people jump to "Call the police!". However, your family can nail this guy on a statutory rape charge. He is bragging about having sex with your sister to a plethora of people. Did he admit he had sex with her through text? Your family can get a legit rapist on the sex offender list, and make him actually pay for what he did.

It will still be difficult as hell for your sister. She is probably going to get insults hurled at her (being called a slut, etc) and blame. She might lose friends. Going through the legal system with this is going to be awful. But I think it will ultimately be worth it.

With the dude bragging about this, your sister needs to be ahead of him and take control away from him.

Also, I don't think I'd tell the dad about this. Brock Turner was flat-out caught raping a woman who was passed out, and his dad defended him while disparaging the woman. People don't want to believe bad about their kids, even in the face of overwhelming evidence.

 

[Usobuko]

All I know is from that guy interaction with you, he doesn't give a shit about your sister and your family.

He doesn't care about the potential consequences if your sister is pregnant and he probably sees you as the dumb older brother who can't safeguard his little sister from his advances. He may lie low from now onward but nothing affirms that he won't try again with his shitty personality.

Understand people like him thrives to have his cake and eat it, it gives him the pleasure to have his ways with others without any repercussion. Even more so after he was warned and told not to do so.

Find whatsoever ways to put him down, for good. I don't mean physically, I mean exterminating the possibility of it recurring as best and steadfast as you can.

 

[Vectorman]

Don't try and figure this out yourself. You aren't a cop. You do need to tell your folks. You don't have to tell the cops yourself but let your folks decide what is best now. Let the consequences happen but it's honestly better than if your folks never knew this shit happened in their home, which in my opinion is awful. And to be frank, it seems like you have more than enough evidence to show that he's not interested with wanting to actually talk to you or admit the full truth to you so go thru the adult channel where he'll be publicly shamed and might actually be charged with something.

 

[Mariolee]

For those of you saying to go to the police, I want to know if you guys have had any experience with going to the police with a situation like this and the repercussions?

 

[F34R]

For those of you saying to go to the police, I want to know if you guys have had any experience with going to the police with a situation like this and the repercussions?

No case is going to be the same, and that goes with whatever fallout comes behind it. I've had cases that went perfect. I've had cases that went to shit.

 

[PandaShake]

These updated narrations gives me nostalgia of old 4chan days with nurse anon or anon who adopted blind girl would come give novel like updates every now and then. I don't think that guy is going to stop until your sister is pregnant. If you haven't told his parents after you knowing all that he's done, he don't think you will until shit hits the fan. This all came about because your sister thought the condom broke. With a little reassurance that the next condom's good, they'll continue doing it because they both want to do it as show by how they've been doing it and didn't stop until a scare happened. I'd reveal to both parents.

 

[Twilight Princess]

An eye for an eye

 

[Jenenser]

if you guys talk about age of consent.
Rule of Thumb:

guys age : 2 + 7years = lowest age the female should have.

so if hes 18

18years : 2 + 7years = 16years

discussion solved. he shouldnt.

the age is close enough that i wouldn't contact the law about it tough.
But fuck would i be "protective" about him.

OP, you are doing well, i'd say.
support her in every way, be there for her.
sometimes keeping a secret helps future relations and her more than the other options.
Fuck him. might even threaten him with lawinvolvement if needed.

Good luck.

 

[dreams]

After rereading some posts and thinking about it for awhile, I'm more inclined to tell his parents just straight up what happened and how messed up my sister is because of it. Their influence will affect him far greater than any talk by me can. However, not sure if this will cause any long lasting problems for my sister and still do not want to go to the authorities for reasons stated above.

What are your guys' thoughts?

First off, you are a seriously great brother and anyone being negative towards you in this thread just doesn't understand what it's like to have siblings or something.

Second, I think it would be a good idea to go straight to his parents, but only if you know or can reasonably assume they'll actually punish the son. If they're the type where they'd like immediately lawyer up (think Brock Turner's parents), it might not be great.

Also, I agree with you about being hesitant to go to the police. I've been raped and I didn't go to the police because I was too scared and I just wanted to forget about it. It's now been 10 years so I couldn't really even if I wanted to, but you hear so many stories about women not being taken seriously or getting dragged through the mud and I wouldn't want anyone to go through that. However, if you know your local police are good people, maybe it would be for the best. The police around here are known for not taking rape reports very seriously (especially date rape, which mine was), which is why I didn't go to them.

Anyway, I really hope everything turns out for the best for your sister and you. I feel horrible that she has to go through this at such a young age.

 

[Media]

Guys, while I will always encourage any rape victim to report it, having done it myself, I won't fault them for not wanting to. The system treats victims like shit. Reporting my rape and going through the legal system was almost as traumatic as the rape itself.

 

[Al-ibn Kermit]

For those of you saying to go to the police, I want to know if you guys have had any experience with going to the police with a situation like this and the repercussions?

I recommended that you do that but did not tell the police. Did not even know who the guy was.

Other people have given some good insights onto how this could develop its own pace once it's in law enforcements hands but I guess you could just talk to your sister and say she needs to think about it right now and for her wishes to be respected.

If she decides against involving cops, tell the guys parents and teachers, so at the least they can take some action against him (teachers might cause a mark to be on his disciplinary record for all the good that might do).

Again I'm giving advice on what I would do but not what I did.

 

[Zeus Molecules]

Your answers lie in the thread, and not in being condescending from your high horse.

Have you beat this asshole guy who slept with your sister up yet?

 

[F34R]

Have you beat this asshole guy who slept with your sister up yet?

No he hasn't, and that would be the dumbest thing to do.

 

[Spladam]

For those of you saying to go to the police, I want to know if you guys have had any experience with going to the police with a situation like this and the repercussions?

After rereading some posts and thinking about it for awhile, I'm more inclined to tell his parents just straight up what happened and how messed up my sister is because of it. Their influence will affect him far greater than any talk by me can. However, not sure if this will cause any long lasting problems for my sister and still do not want to go to the authorities for reasons stated above.

What are your guys' thoughts?

I had suggested earlier that you go talk to his parents. I don't know all of the circumstances here, and obviously there are some facts that lead to you be hesitant about this.

Personally, I would talk to his father man to man, but get a sense of how the man feels, or to what extent he is reasonable about how his son takes responsibility for himself, before I gave him all the facts. I mean, the guy is grown, there is just so much "teaching" left for a father towards his grown son, but he can make it clear his son how wrong this is and how he needs to take responsibility for it.

I would highly suggest NOT going to the authorities, for the justice system is not well suited for handling things like this. This will create a costly legal battle for the guy (or his parents), with an outcome of possible jail time, maybe years, and a sex offender registration. This would limit where he could go with his life and the continued growth of the guy as a productive member of society. This would do little to help the young man or teach him about his mistake. It would enter him into the criminal justice system and likely produce a lesser individual in the end.

He does need to take responsibility for his actions and learn how to treat women. If there is no self reflection on his part on how shameful it is to manipulate or pressure a younger less experience person for his own base desire and self satisfaction, then there is no growth with regards to him in this experience.

Personally I would have also told the guy that he is an adult, and as a fellow adult man, if he disrespects my sister again I will beat the living shit out of him, but this is probably a failing of my own character.

I hope your sister can get past this without too much emotional scar tissue, keep supporting her and telling her to be strong, this is not a reflection of her as a person. We do dumb shit when we are young and this will be ancient history for her one day as she gets on with her life. This is most important. It sounds like she is not going to get pregnant, which is a very important factor.

 

[Yoshimitsu126]

OP do you think you can contact a psychologist and get their input in this too. I don't know if that school has a good one so maybe a professional might be better.

Also how is your sister feeling now? I think you had great foresight in getting your sister to contact others who have been in her position. She has been in an absolutely unfortunate position but having a poitive peer or role model that's been in her shoes will make her confident and realize she did nothing wrong and its okay for her to move forward.

 

[Breads]

Can't believe you're not going to the cops. He's 18 and she's a minor.

I can. This christian culture shit comes in full circle more times than they want to admit. And yet, while understanding how troubling it is to be a part of this community, including having it in your family, most of them still don't see fit to eschew the thing that clearly has no interest in their well being. That's a virtue that they explicitly avoid teaching each other. Because faith or some shit is more important than properly dealing with your problems. Police/ proper authorities/ help continues to not get involved and the christian predator cycle continues as designed.

 

[Aytumious]

Have you beat this asshole guy who slept with your sister up yet?

Thankfully, he seems to be ignoring the awful advice people are giving in this thread.

 

[Zakalwe]

Mariolee you're a fantastic brother and you're doing the right thing. A complicated situation that you're handling with more patience than I ever could, and the way you've handled your sister is wonderful. I have mad respect for you.

Truly, never feel like you didn't do the right thing here whatever happens.

 

[ThanksVision]

i gotta respect your astounding patience, as maddening as it is to read about this guy continually hurting your sister. personally, i would have approached him immediately after the kiss to tell him to stay away. and if things continued to escalate like they have here... fuck man, i admire your restraint

 

[WrenchNinja]

You've been handling this extremely well man, I'm really impressed. I don't know if I could hold my anger or be as rational if this happened to my sister.

 

[PHOENIXZERO]

Never mind, not going to derail with that nonsense.

 

[mambadragon]

Do you have an older (your parents age) family friend or family member you trust and could confide in? Someone who knows your family situation?

 

[Geno Breaker]

This might come off as silly, but OP can you possibly record the conversation you have with that guy if he shows up on Monday? He might say something incriminating.

 

[Mariolee]

FAQ:

Why don’t you tell his parents?
I brought this up in the thread after some advised it, but others afterwards brought up a good point that the parents love their child and will do anything to defend him. This means talking to them might be useless and in fact the parents might go so far as to defame my sister in the process of defending their son.

Why don’t you tell your parents?
My parents right now are in a tumultuous time in their marriage. A year ago they started a business together and ever since then their relationship has gotten rockier and more stressful, to the point where my dad nearly fainted while driving a few weeks ago. To add onto that stress, we are also in the process of buying a new house, selling our old house, selling off our business, prepping to pay for my med school, and buying an apartment for me in the fall. In addition, my grandmother, my mother’s mother, just passed away and it was extremely traumatic for her. Telling them about this, especially seeing as how they’re Asian conservative Republican Christian parents, may or may not overstress them and push them to the breaking point. Hell, it might kill em. That’s not something either me or my sister want to see. And if it doesn’t kill them, they might want to do something drastic like pursue this in court which is something that my sister doesn’t want because of reasons I have explained already in the thread. We will tell them in the future, just not at this moment.

Why don’t you go to the cops?
My sister doesn’t want this to be dragged out any further. She’s already recovering back to her old self and getting over it (due to comfort from me and her friends). The last thing she wants to do is have this be extended further and more publicly. Getting the authorities involved causes all the parents to know (which leads to the problems stated above) as well as lets the school know. My sister goes to a private conservative Christian school who have supposedly kicked students out for potentially being pregnant (though no proof has been given). I do know for a fact that a teacher there was “let go” after he came out as gay. My sister is afraid if the school finds out, they will kick her out due to bad publicity. In addition, when the authorities get involved my sister’s decisions no longer matter as it is the state’s problem. If news media get a hold of this, this will follow her for the rest of her life. Police, unfortunately, would only make matters worse. Kinda fucked up, right?
So no, I’m not the worst older brother in the world, so I would appreciate those of you criticizing me for not going to the cops to go fuck yourselves.

Why don’t you record your conversation with the asshole when you meet him In case he said something incriminating?
As far as I understand it, California has a two-party consent requirement before recording. Thus, it would be illegal for me to do so. However, I wouldn’t need it as the dumbfuck already texted me to my personal phone confessing that he had sex with my sister. Dug his own grave.

What makes you think he’ll listen to you?
I don’t know if he’ll listen to me to be honest. All I can do is threaten him by saying what he performed was legally statutory rape (twice) and that I have proof based on the texts he sent me, and that if he goes anywhere near my sister again or spreads this story around I will without hesitation contact his parents and the police. From what I’ve heard and seen of him, he’s already scared shitless so it shouldn’t be too hard to get him to back off. Dude’s not a macho man. He’s a spineless lying little snake who just wanted to lose his V-card before college.