I went to a party on Friday and being a shy introvert sucks
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Nastrodamous
Member
because alcohol is gateway drug that could lead op down a road of marijuana heroin and death.
Subpar Scrub
Banned
I thought like you did once. Always offering to be a designated driver, watching sober, but man... Started drinking at every party I go to last year (I'm 20) and it's 1000 times more fun.
Fantastapotamus
Wrong about commas, wrong about everything
I know how you feel OP.
I hate going to parties where I know only one person and everybody knows everybody else. It's the worst. I'm kinda fine when most people don't know each other but when everybody else is in a group together I always feel like butting my way in and being all like "HEY FOLKS, HOW'S IT GOING, WHATCHA TALKING ABOUT?" is annoying. Also people in a group would usually talk about stuff you don't know anything about so it would just be awkward.
Try finding some single person somewhere, it usually makes it easier.
"Hey, hi. How do you know [host]? I was just staying here when suddenly this party started happening haha and know I don't know anybody, how about you!" would be some good line to break the ice.
If you don't like drinking, don't drink. Surprisingly enough, most people don't care. You maybe have to put on a bit of an act later on depending on how drunk people you are talking to are but that's optional.
Though I can tell you from experience: When everybody else is SUPER drunk, being sober just sucks.
You were in a pretty shitty situation, not bein able to leave and all.
It's not always that easy. I never know what I should even talk about with people I don't know. The weather?
I hate going to parties where I know only one person and everybody knows everybody else. It's the worst. I'm kinda fine when most people don't know each other but when everybody else is in a group together I always feel like butting my way in and being all like "HEY FOLKS, HOW'S IT GOING, WHATCHA TALKING ABOUT?" is annoying. Also people in a group would usually talk about stuff you don't know anything about so it would just be awkward.
Try finding some single person somewhere, it usually makes it easier.
"Hey, hi. How do you know [host]? I was just staying here when suddenly this party started happening haha and know I don't know anybody, how about you!" would be some good line to break the ice.
If you don't like drinking, don't drink. Surprisingly enough, most people don't care. You maybe have to put on a bit of an act later on depending on how drunk people you are talking to are but that's optional.
Though I can tell you from experience: When everybody else is SUPER drunk, being sober just sucks.
You were in a pretty shitty situation, not bein able to leave and all.
It's not always that easy. I never know what I should even talk about with people I don't know. The weather?
Tangentially related, the thing i hate about being an introvert is that in the eyes of society, no one respects or allows you to be introvert. Its always a matter of people trying to move you towards extroverted behaviors. Like, i never heard someone tell an extrovert that they need to stop being so much of an extrovert.
I completely understand that a large part of living life is having and maintaining interpersonal relationships but again, many people act as if being introverted and having good friendships is somehow mutually exclusive.
As someone who just broke up with an extroverted gf, i feel like im constantly up against a wall that says i need to be out doing fun stuff (read: socializing) and that if i'm not then i'm wasting my life or i'm not trying hard enough or i have no ambition.
Why is it such a problem for people to enjoy their own company more than the company of a bevy of people i may or may not even know?
I completely understand that a large part of living life is having and maintaining interpersonal relationships but again, many people act as if being introverted and having good friendships is somehow mutually exclusive.
As someone who just broke up with an extroverted gf, i feel like im constantly up against a wall that says i need to be out doing fun stuff (read: socializing) and that if i'm not then i'm wasting my life or i'm not trying hard enough or i have no ambition.
Why is it such a problem for people to enjoy their own company more than the company of a bevy of people i may or may not even know?
This just sounds like you were in a relationship with someone you aren't compatible within and/or you hang out with a lot of people who are different than you, not some kind of accurate commentary on the state of the world. If anything, we've moved towards introversion being more and more accepted with how so much interaction is done through text and popular devices that allow people to go off into their own worlds even when they're surrounded by others.
Christopher
Member
Make the most of it there's bound to be someone in the room who's at lest relatable for the couple of hours your there - I'm very shy too but gotta break through every now and then
I disagree. People being overly extroverted in the wrong situation gets irritating and I've seen it happen many a time that such people have been told to calm down.
But anyway, this post falls into the trap that I can't help but feel so many posters is this thread have fallen into: treating it all as binary, one is either introverted or extroverted. In reality most people are ambiverts with a slight tendency to one or the other. Hell, you could argue that the whole concept of introversion/extroversion, as described by Jung, is extremely ill-defined and unscientific. What is this "energy"? Emotional (and if so, what is that)? Physical? Both? Neither?
I have a somewhat controversial opinion in that being seen as "introverted", especially in geeky circles and with the rise of geek culture, is seen as in some way "cool" and people want to be seen as that way and hence describe themselves as being introverts, not only without a real understanding of what that means but also without an understanding that the vast majority of people are not at the poles. We can see it in this thread, with people confusing introversion with social anxiety and using it to justify not exactly social behaviour.
You're the one who started off with the whole "am I the only one?" gig in response to the general opinion in this thread lmao. Don't go on with that whole "don't judge me" song and dance after pulling that.
QuantumZebra
Member
I meet the rowdiest people at the party and find out what kind of drugs they have, and then partake with them the rest of the night. It's a pretty sound strategy and carried me through a lot of wild nights in college.
I understand that this may not be an option for you, but hey, you asked.
The Jackdog
Member
"i dont like doing a thing so everyone that does it is wrong"
This is totally me, sometimes I avoid parties because they make me exausted in so many ways, but I when I do go to one I have a great time. I guess beer helps
boiled goose
good with gravy
Introduce yourself. Talk with others.
It's not that hard.
It's not who you are underneath but what you do that defines you.
It's not that hard.
It's not who you are underneath but what you do that defines you.
Observe and look for someone you can connect with and make a conversation.
I've been in the same situation and felt terrible, then noticed someone had a final fantasy keychain on their bag and I instantly made a conversation about it, we've been good friend since. In a crowd of unfamiliar people, there is always at least one person that is just like you and can be your friend. Just look at it as an opportunity. Observe and find your people
I'm an introvert too, but I've also seen the benefits of socialising at events. Nothing can replace a new friend or a useful connection if it's a work related event. You will need to do this in life, so much, for anything. You just have to go with an aim and be selective and get the courage to talk to people. Otherwise you'll be the party pooper. The dude who sat there in a corner all night long.
I've been in the same situation and felt terrible, then noticed someone had a final fantasy keychain on their bag and I instantly made a conversation about it, we've been good friend since. In a crowd of unfamiliar people, there is always at least one person that is just like you and can be your friend. Just look at it as an opportunity. Observe and find your people
I'm an introvert too, but I've also seen the benefits of socialising at events. Nothing can replace a new friend or a useful connection if it's a work related event. You will need to do this in life, so much, for anything. You just have to go with an aim and be selective and get the courage to talk to people. Otherwise you'll be the party pooper. The dude who sat there in a corner all night long.
Alcohol loosens you up and gets you social. As long as you don't become sloppy, introduce yourself to a few people, ask where they're from, feign some interest if you have to (if you're buzzed, people will also seem way more interesting than they actually are), and eventually you'll either find some people with similar interests or you'll find out everyone does in fact suck.
OP's first mistake was going "Ooh, look, Street Fighter V!" and spending the first part of the party falling behind the alcohol curve and not meeting people.
Street Fighter V is probably way more fun drunk anyway. Have you ever played video games while drunk? It's amazing. If you host your own party someday, try DUI Mario Kart.
OP's first mistake was going "Ooh, look, Street Fighter V!" and spending the first part of the party falling behind the alcohol curve and not meeting people.
Street Fighter V is probably way more fun drunk anyway. Have you ever played video games while drunk? It's amazing. If you host your own party someday, try DUI Mario Kart.
RPG_Fanatic
Member
I'm not a fan of the taste either, which is why I also don't drink.
As someone who is a shy introvert, I feel your pain. I've been to a couple parties where I didn't know anyone but the host, but I was lucky it they were always a small enough affair I didn't have to worry about being alone trying to mingle of my own.
I imagine I would be just as worse off as you if I was in your shoes. Makes me think back to dances at school where I just stood there wondering why I was there.
I'm horrible meeting new people, and just starting conversations in general unless it revolves around a shared interest.
PrivateRyan
Member
I will say, even as an extrovert, being in this situation can be irritating.
Went to a party about a month ago where I only knew one person there, who was busy hosting and looking after everyone, and it's not much fun getting stuck in multiple small talk conversations where you both know you're doing the obligatory small talk conversation until you find people in the room on your level.
Went to a party about a month ago where I only knew one person there, who was busy hosting and looking after everyone, and it's not much fun getting stuck in multiple small talk conversations where you both know you're doing the obligatory small talk conversation until you find people in the room on your level.
George Oscar Bluth II
Banned
I dunno if you can... turn introverted? I used to be quite chatty and kinda extroverted in primary school. I joined secondary school at age 11 and fellow students hardly ever let me talk or let my voice be heard, which led me to just talking less in general (currently the same at age 19). There were also a lot of people that I couldn't relate to beyond the work we had to do and maybe a few videogames. Also my primary school was tiny in comparison to secondary, so I assume that has its part to play.
All this just resulted in me being a bit of a loner, but I dunno if I'll remain like that once I get into a new social setting that's more mature.
All this just resulted in me being a bit of a loner, but I dunno if I'll remain like that once I get into a new social setting that's more mature.
I can't speak on the GF part, but one thing I learned recently is that you're gonna have to stop caring. What's even worse than being an introvert is being an introvert constantly being concerned with the social expectations of other people. One problem I kept running into is that I escalated my level of introvert to hyperbolic levels and people weren't willing to go to that level with me. Be social when you want to, don't worry about how other people feel about it.
I hate the taste of (most) beers, but there are so many different alcoholic drinks out there that flavor should not be a problem. Apple cider is getting really popular. They have cotton candy flavored vodka. You can mix orange soda and vanilla vokda to make creamsicle. Like.... c'mon. Taste is not a reason to never drink.
Then there are shots, whose intended purpose are to circumvent the act of drinking, but some are fun to do, especially with other people.
For sure, we we're completely incompatible. It'd be disingenuous to apply that to the state of the world but as anecdotal as it is, for me, that's how things have always been. Happens to me all the time, everywhere. Even today at work, On sunday the weather was unseasonably warm and it was a beautiful day. I come to work and someone asks me what i did since the weather was so nice and i say not much, just stayed home and i get side eyed like really?! You didn't do anything? as if that's wrong some how. Then i feel compelled to excuse it and handwave it off like "Oh, well it was a long week, i just needed to relax and catch up on some sleep" when the reality is i just felt like staying home so that's what i did. Why do people view it as some damn near mental disorder if i choose to stay in on a nice day?
Too much of something is usually not a good thing so i don't doubt that there are people who are extroverted to the point of being obnoxious in certain situations. However, generally speaking, i've never encountered a instance where someone was told that they should be less social, less adventurous, less ambitious, less outgoing and all the other positive qualities that generally get associated with extroverts.
I definitely understand that there's a gradient and it shouldn't be binary and looked at in the extreme but on a large scale, it is which is why my post is framed that way. As inaccurate as it is in regards to how potential introverts & extroverts can actually be, i don't think it's off the mark to suggest that there's more of a positive connotation associated with extroversion than there is with introversion.
Extroverts are painted as energetic, fun, outgoing, the life of the party. Introverts are viewed as the exact opposite even though thats woefully inaccurate. The reality is, as someone who considers themselves an introvert, i can and have done all those things that extroverts are labeled as doing but because i may not do them for as long or as emphatically i'm looked at as some kind of wet rag who doesn't have a zest for life.
Imp the Dimp
Member
It sure happened to me. I used to be very social, then got a bit insecure as I became obese and now I've bounced back via working out and being in better shape than ever. I did not have such a great time at parties for like 2 years though.
hardcastlemccormick
Banned
I used to have this problem. I didn't feel like I was interesting. It was a self consciousness issue.
So I started listening to podcasts and reading books with the goal of becoming interesting. Basically just giving myself a reason to believe I have something I add to a conversation. It helped a lot. I'm not the nerd who knows about nothing but a few boring subjects any more.
Once I started doing that, I realized that talking to strangers isn't as hard as it seems. All of the problems I had were in my own head.
So I started listening to podcasts and reading books with the goal of becoming interesting. Basically just giving myself a reason to believe I have something I add to a conversation. It helped a lot. I'm not the nerd who knows about nothing but a few boring subjects any more.
Once I started doing that, I realized that talking to strangers isn't as hard as it seems. All of the problems I had were in my own head.
I think you missed the whole point of that post. Let me remind you:
It was the ridiculous extremes that people were going to, hence the "because clearly this is an utterly binary situation".
Lucky Seven
Banned
I'd be on GAF the entire time.
DUI Gran Turismo was all I ever needed to tell me that drunk driving would be a really bad idea.
I agree. At some point it definitely comes down to just saying fuck it and just doing you, regardless of whatever that looks like but i guess my overall question that i feel like i've never got answered over the years is why is introversion considered bad or undesirable and the opposite for extroversion?
I can't help but feel like there needs to be some kind of paradigm shift on how society views and approaches the two.
that. so much.
it is something you can work on and enjoy. Sure, you have to work harder than others but it's rewarding.
I honestly believe that you can't go on in life with being antisocial, especially on social events. Personally, my career and life depends so much on it and I gain so much by being a social person that I don't even know what I would've done with my life if I missed out on all the opportunities I've gotten from just talking to random people.
Which is all well and good at parties. But in other environments it is not what you want. You've never seen someone described as "attention seeking"? "Inappropriately loud"? That's people being criticised for what is viewed (incorrectly) as extroversion in an inappropriate setting.
I notice you pointed out that the view of introversion was incorrect but didn't offer the same qualifier on your incorrect "painting" of extroverts.
So when is it not about being an introvert and more about being socially awkward. You can be introverted and not do what the OP did. An introvert may be uncomfortable in certain settings but that doesn't mean they have to collapse in the corner. It's not like only extroverts have parties
Did I say they were wrong, or did I say it's something I consider a boring activity?
It's not always time to meme, dude.
You pretty obviously said that the responses here are "amusing" because it doesn't match your view. That's you judging the people with that opinion. lol
I want that answer as well and I think it boils down to societal conditioning, which to me has never satiated my curiosity.
Recently I had to explain what "introvert" meant to a family member of mine and I was in disbelief that he truly didn't understand what the fuck I was talking about, that spoke wonders.
Pretty much all of this is about being socially awkward.
Situationally, you can make a case for positive/negatives on either end of the spectrum,
But in the broadest of strokes, speaking in generalities, across society, introversion has a negative connotation while extroversion has a positive connotation. This is ultimately the issue i have and throughout all my years never really understood why those connotations exist in the manner that they do.
Oh ffs do I have to put "IMO" in every damn post? You made up what the opposing opinion on getting shitfaced apparently was, I gave you mine.
Well thanks for your great input in a thread asking for advice about meeting people at a party
No, I obviously found them amusing as people were looking only at extremes.
I mean Jesus, we went from having one or two drinks to someone being worried about becoming an alcoholic. Surely you can see that that is a slight overreaction?
Lol the irony of this post.
I gave my input like a page or two ago. And the current popular topic in this thread is about drinking at said parties where you want to meet people. :/
Saying they'll become an alcoholic is shooting at bit far, but it's not like OP is experienced at drinking either. Probably gonna get smashed from vapors.
Staying inside on a nice day doesn't really have anything to do with being introverted.
If you drink every day you're an alcoholic. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Also, date-rape is a real issue. I could dig up statistics, but I don't think I have to.
And yours was judgemental. Mine was amused that people seem to think the only options were not/hardly drink or become an alcoholic/puke everywhere/get roofied.
I am finding it genuinely amusing that you can't see this. But you are having issues understanding it, so I'll try really, really hard to be as clear as possible:
Is it just me that goes to parties that aren't either people sitting around playing games and not drinking, not that there's anything wrong with that, or a cesspit of alcoholics, roofies and puke? Because that, going by what several posters here seem to be saying, seems to be the only two options.
Incorrect.
You are an alcoholic if you are addicted to alcohol and thus have a dependency. I have toast for breakfast every day but I am not a toastaholic.
The Jackdog
Member
I love the people here saying they are sitting in the corner or browsing gaf the whole time or whatever, while calling everyone who is drinking and partying immature or related.
just a complete lack of prospective.
to everyone else at that party, youre kind of a dick. no one goes to a party looking to have a bad time, but whenever i see "that guy" out on the corner on his phone not talking to anyone, i cant help but think hes kind of an asshole. ive never been in a situation where im a party amongst friends and someone we dont know comes up to just talk and hang and hes hated, no one punches him in the face. people will talk to you.
people go to parties wanting to have fun. going in with such a negative attitude just makes you a raincloud around everyone else.
just a complete lack of prospective.
to everyone else at that party, youre kind of a dick. no one goes to a party looking to have a bad time, but whenever i see "that guy" out on the corner on his phone not talking to anyone, i cant help but think hes kind of an asshole. ive never been in a situation where im a party amongst friends and someone we dont know comes up to just talk and hang and hes hated, no one punches him in the face. people will talk to you.
people go to parties wanting to have fun. going in with such a negative attitude just makes you a raincloud around everyone else.
Lol this guy
Ridiculous.
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