Your understanding of introversion and extroversion is just wrong. You can be an introvert and not enjoy sitting at home all weekend and you can be extroverted without partying all the time.
I went to a party on Friday and being a shy introvert sucks
- Thread starter KevinCow
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PeskyToaster
Member
"Hey you were pretty good at Street Fighter, that was fun. Play anything else?"
hurricanes
Member
Base on what you described, that isn't my kind of party either. I don't drink, and the "Amercian way" of partying(and to a larger extend, making friends) always involved drinking of some sort. I hate it.
You can still be social and have some little talks though, it's like basic courtesy when you are in any party. Others will think of you as cold or unsociable(which you probably are...) if you don't talk at all.
You can still be social and have some little talks though, it's like basic courtesy when you are in any party. Others will think of you as cold or unsociable(which you probably are...) if you don't talk at all.
blue_phazon
Member
This.
And to add, I feel like the people who are immature are not the ones partying and being social, but those who stand in a corner doing nothing. Surely you've learned how to be social in your 20s right?
n0razi
Member
Alcohol, like most drugs works in moderation. It helps loosen you up so you can be more social. Similar to how adderall helps someone with ADHD focus in class and how Tylenol helps with arthritis if you are doing work with your hands. Use it to your advantage... its not some scary all or nothing deal. Its just a drug: all drugs have an intended effect and also side effects. For most people, a drink or two during social situations does wonders.
But they're self diagnosed "introverts".
So if someone has a beer or wine at lunch everyday it makes them an alcoholic? Stop living in a fantasy world.
Yeah yeah, if I just say I was being judgemental will you stop whining so much?
No you're not the only one who goes to parties that aren't either. But you're also in the "I love to get shitfaced" team so I'm doubting you care much for moderation (that being a party in between those two). lol. You don't get shitfaced at parties where you only drink a bit.
Personally, every time I see someone in a corner with his phone out, I think less asshole and more "Hey guys, let's go talk to that guy, he seems a bit shy." No one goes to a party to be antisocial, so in general I assume that anyone acting that way there isn't doing it by choice.
Look at him being extreme again
I'll tell you a secret.
<whisper>I don't always get shitfaced at social gatherings</whisper>
For a start I'm a Lindy Hopper. I regularly go out dancing, interacting with other people, and don't drink a drop of alcohol.
The Jackdog
Member
i agree to an extent, but this thread is pretty good evidence that people DO go to parties to be antisocial.
going in with the mindset "im not gonna have a good time" is a pretty good bet you arent gonna have a good time.
ive been to parties and weddings where ive known NOBODY there minus one or two people, and ended up having a fantastic time. people like to have fun. have fun with them.
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
I don't know what to tell you besides being drunk is fun
I never said you did...? I didn't call you an alcoholic. Not every social gathering is a party.
Well you doubted that I care for moderation. Your words, not mine.
The reality is I go to plenty of parties and don't drink, because in Sweden Lindy Hoppers tend to not drink as it impedes their ability to dance well. I'll sometimes have one, maybe two. I call them "Lindy Looseners".
I have a horrible feeling you're going to reply with your definition of a party.
Damn, half the people in here do sound like alcoholics. How is so much of the advice "just drink, it'll make you feel better?" when the OP says he doesn't drink? Op, if you go to another party, I suggest bringing someone along so you have someone to help get you out of your shell.
Wrong prediction. But I will point out that you yourself have fallen into the "no drinking or getting shitfaced" binary thing here. You seem to either not drink and dance (like not drinking and playing games), or get shiftfaced?
I uh... lol. I'm just gonna say we're not getting anywhere at this rate and it's probably best to quit here for me.
Rationalization for being overly awkward making things annoying for everyone.
Don't get me wrong. I get the feeling of being "trapped" and not knowing what to do. Everyone has been the deer caught in the headlights. But the response shouldn't be "parties suck amirite!"
I mean hell the fact that street fighter was even on at all makes this different than your typical party. There were people that had similar interests
Hmm, I see where you are coming from but I've been reading the replies in this thread as(and I've mostly skimmed it, so I might be admittedly missing a couple replies) less going there to be antisocial and more of people being so afraid/used to things not going well that they assume everything will be bad. I used to do that a lot back when I was younger as a sort of self-defense mechanism, kind of like "If I have negative expectations it won't suck as much when it happens!" Took me until like, end of high school to get past that mindset, so now my friends and I kinda make a point to try to make people like that feel comfortable in social situations.
But I maintain very few people go to a party to be antisocial, even someone who says they'll likely have a terrible time there go there because they want to be proven wrong and don't know how to go about it.
At the same time, I do agree that attitude is pretty much king here. Best way to have fun at a party is to be positive, not overthink it and go for it--but I can see how that can be terrifying to some people, so I'm sympathetic to them.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Cool, you're completely wrong but that's fine. As long as you acknowledge your ignorance its cool.
In the post you quoted I said I sometimes have one or two. You know, moderation.
So far I've said when I go out I sometimes have:
Nothing
One or two
Get very drunk
Let me add another: four or five. That's what I would normally drink on pub quiz night.
Are you even reading the posts?
Count Dookkake
Member
You have to get over this before you graduate. College is the easiest arena in which to level-up socially.
Don't waste it.
Don't waste it.
I've never been in this exact situation, but I have been dragged along to parties I didn't want to go to.
Just a couple weeks back I went to "party" at uni.
I only knew like 2 people there at first.
I'm usually a nervous wreck who can't talk to anyone new, but I was fine after I started drinking.
Made like 6 new friends that night (I also hooked up with someone.......that bit was weird, don't do that)
I'm not saying you should get drunk all the time, but you'll definitely have more fun in situations like this if you drink something.
Just a couple weeks back I went to "party" at uni.
I only knew like 2 people there at first.
I'm usually a nervous wreck who can't talk to anyone new, but I was fine after I started drinking.
Made like 6 new friends that night (I also hooked up with someone.......that bit was weird, don't do that)
I'm not saying you should get drunk all the time, but you'll definitely have more fun in situations like this if you drink something.
I'm introverted but can often be a Leo-esque natural leader in social situations, quite bold and sociable. Alcohol helps.
However, it's exhausting and after a short while it palls and I need to seek isolation to regenerate energy.
In summary, introversion is more so about how one derives social energy (from others or from self), not the degree to which someone is capable of capitalising on that energy.
However, it's exhausting and after a short while it palls and I need to seek isolation to regenerate energy.
In summary, introversion is more so about how one derives social energy (from others or from self), not the degree to which someone is capable of capitalising on that energy.
We need an MS Paint drawing of this room setup.
How can I be wrong with how I associate some arbitrary behaviour like getting shitfaced? That's funny.
Oh, I will admit I missed that. It's getting lost in all this Lindsay whatevers you keep bringing up.
Kabuki Quantum Lover
Member
I feel for you, OP. I'm not a fan of people's suggestion that drinking is the only way through. Your friend is a d-bag for just dropping you there.
Gotdatmoney
Member
What you associate it with isnt actually based in anyhing factual. Its just a correlation you made based off nothing. To state it like its some end all be all is the funny thing.
Lots of adults and city people liketo get shitfaced. The concept is not hard to grasp.
Tom Nook
Member
I know the feeling OP. I don't drink too at parties.
I was in a similar situation at a party for work. My Co-workers are out there talking to there friends and me just standing around there(maybe loitering) just eating the food and looking at my phone. It's important to be there for work.
I was in a similar situation at a party for work. My Co-workers are out there talking to there friends and me just standing around there(maybe loitering) just eating the food and looking at my phone. It's important to be there for work.
Nastrodamous
Member
what was his friend supposed to do babysit him all night because he cant muster "Hello, I am *insert what ever name he wanted to go with*"
It isn't like his friend just upped and left. OP could have just shadowed him all evening.
Hate to pile this on to the nondrinkers, but drinking have been the wheel to get my courage going haha. I've known the most introverted people who've now broken out of the shy shell and are now very socialable after drinking. Keep experimenting with different drinks and yall will probably find something you'll like. In moderation!
If you still refuse to drink, movies are an easy ice breaker.
If you still refuse to drink, movies are an easy ice breaker.
I'm not suggesting that there's a direct 1:1 relationship in terms of being introverted and staying home or being extroverted and going out partying.
I take pleasure in solitary activities and do a good job of enjoying my own company. Me staying in and doing things at home was my way of enjoying the nice day. This is the part that most people i come across IRL gloss over and can't seem to wrap their head around. If i don't leave the house on a nice day then there must be something wrong with me. I must be some kind of introvert who doesn't like people and has no friends.
"How do you know the host", "are you from round here, i'm just visiting"
then listen...
Gotdatmoney
Member
I do this sometimes. I just tell people, I wanna weekend to chill and do my own thing. They normally grasp that. If you do it all the time its probably more you're not a social person. Being antisocial isnt a big deal but some people take a huge offense to it if you call them that.
benicillin
Banned
I've been there OP, it gets better! It doesn't sound like it was an ideal situation because you were kind of stuck there without an out since you were staying with your friend - try to go out to more parties but ones that you're able to leave when you decide you've had enough. Even just knowing that I could leave when I wanted to would make me more comfortable and less anxious about it. There's been some other good advice in this thread too, like going early so you meet people as they come in, etc. It's all about getting used to the situation and making the best of it - if you keep at it, you'll feel a lot more comfortable. I guarantee you aren't the only person feeling that way at a party.
It helps a lot to go with good friends who understand where you're coming from, too - if you're not a drinker, don't go out with friends who drink heavily and ditch you or anything.
All the advice to just have a few drinks is kind of crap, coming from someone who doesn't drink for personal reasons. If someone told me that when I was having similar problems it would've been useless to me.
It helps a lot to go with good friends who understand where you're coming from, too - if you're not a drinker, don't go out with friends who drink heavily and ditch you or anything.
All the advice to just have a few drinks is kind of crap, coming from someone who doesn't drink for personal reasons. If someone told me that when I was having similar problems it would've been useless to me.
Small talk is a very important skill to have in life. You should really get decent at it with or without alcohol. http://www.ou.edu/class/bc2813/ConversationTips/MasteringSmallTalk.htm
People always say avoid sex, politics, religion etc, but (I didn't catch if you're in college) getting people talking about politics is a fairly easy way of getting a conversation started. You definitely have to read the room though.
People always say avoid sex, politics, religion etc, but (I didn't catch if you're in college) getting people talking about politics is a fairly easy way of getting a conversation started. You definitely have to read the room though.
It was my opinion based upon my experience. Getting a bit sick of people who read everything in absolutes like as if everything anyone says is presented as a fact. Gosh.
Gotdatmoney
Member
If someone is dispelling a generalization and you follow with another generalization, dont get all in your feels when you get called out man. Not hard. How exactly did you think this was gonna go over? "Oh your right it totally is for kids and hicks!!!!"?
Come on.
Generally prefacing something with "I normally associate it with" pretty much makes it fair solid that it's based upon me and me alone. Hence "I"? Otherwise I would have said "it's normally associated with".
So yeah, "come on".
Mr Waluigi
Banned
I don't find drinking to help
When I drink I become even more shut-in than I already am
I despise parties, too many people, too loud, drugs and alcohol all over the place unless it's a nice little party for a birthday or something
If you're not extroverted just don't go there, word of advice for anyone who's curious
When I drink I become even more shut-in than I already am
I despise parties, too many people, too loud, drugs and alcohol all over the place unless it's a nice little party for a birthday or something
If you're not extroverted just don't go there, word of advice for anyone who's curious
Not choosing your post for any particular reason, just using it as a springboard to point out that drinking is not a magical solution for everyone when it comes to socialising. Now, I'm not a non-drinker, because I tend to like alcoholic drinks for the taste. But I've never been drunk. Not once. Why? Because I seem to come with two settings: slight intoxication - we're talking restaurant levels here - and spending the rest of the night hunched over a toilet. I know this because I've tried to get drunk. Friends have tried to get me drunk. It never ends well.
I can be rather extroverted when I want to so I can enjoy parties for a few hours, when most people are still at my level of slight intoxication, but after that, it goes downhill quick. Being the only non-drunk guy in a room of drunk people is not pleasurable and I tend to bow out as soon as I feel it is polite to do so. Incidentally, this is why I don't host house parties. Nowhere to run to. And then there are the clubs. The goddamn clubs. My personal version of hell. Let's just say that being in a dark, crowded, stinking room with music so load you can't hear other people even when they're screaming in your ear and there's nothing to do except do shots at the bar is not a pleasurable experience when you're halfway sobre.
So what's the point of this ramble? That parties and getting drunk aren't for everyone and I don't get the social pressure that they should be. Maybe people need validation that there's nothing wrong with them (which, for the record, there isn't) and need constant reassurance by having everyone else go along with them. I prefer other types of socialising: trips with friends, movie nights, just doing stuff in general. I actually like pubs for that matter, because they're not meant for people to get black out drunk in and tend to keep people on a more functional level where they can at least still hold a conversation.
So my advice for the OP is this: do you want to like parties? Is that actually something you think you'll ever enjoy? Or would you prefer to do other things with friends? Because there's no reason for you to beat yourself up and feel bad about yourself for not liking parties. They're somewhat of a social imperative in the 20-something demographic these days so they're hard to avoid outright, but not liking them doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. Maybe they're just not your thing, because they aren't really for everyone.
This too. I'm just the same, I know how to be sociable - I can come off as very extroverted when I want to - but it's tasking. Especially when it comes to meeting new people. There are some rare occasions where I can get energy by hanging out, like having a coffee with a friend or seeing a movie, but for the most part it's like a good workout: it can be fun and rewarding, but I need to be alone to rest afterwards. People who aren't introverted seem to have trouble understanding this for some reason.
S
Steve.1981
Unconfirmed Member
That sucks OP. But I can almost guarantee you there were other people at that party who you could have struck up conversation with and got to know a bit, which would have made things better. I'm a quiet guy myself, I've been there, and in my experience there are always a couple of people you can buddy up with in these situations. The hard part is obviously finding them amid the din and obnoxious drunks.
Yeah, to socialize with people it takes my complete attention and most of my energy. It's mentally exhausting because to me it's almost as if I'm masquerading as an extrovert temporarily and some people would never guess I was an introvert. This is why I find socializing extremely fun but only in a few focused instances in a day. Like a 1-2 hour conversation with one person is enough social interaction for me and I could last for a week before getting the desire to socialize again. Also, being out of the house, at school or work, I have to play "I'm not an introvert", to get the best results with people, but when I leave, I'm back to recharging that battery.
It's kinda strange in my case. I'm certainly not an extrovert and yet I have normally no big problem talking to people and find someone to talk with during parties. Yet it's sometimes incredibly hard to find a common ground when I try to smalltalk and it's gets kinda awkward. And even if the conversation might run well it gets increasingly more difficult the more people join in. Like I sometimes go to my neighbors and we talk and laugh about this and that, but as soon as the others come in the conversation shifts in so many ways that I cannot follow and I'm just the silent one now.
LyleLanley
Banned
This sounds like you've been drunk before.
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