The Librarian
Banned
You just love steak.
My favorite was actually the thinly-sliced ham.

You just love steak.
Even a bar isn't an excuse to throw off that behavior as far as I'm concerned. Women shouldn't be afraid that if they go to a bar they'll have to listen to eighteen guys talk about how hot they are or catcall. A guy can still take the time to show some simple graces and treat a person right. Go up to that person and try to have an intimate conversation; and if they turn you down walk away. You don't need to single them out from across the bar and talk about what a fine ass they have.
I got a friend who likes to make kissy faces at women through windows, especially in the car at red lights and stuff. Mostly in like a playful fashion. He says the physical barrier of the glass makes women comfortable with it, presumably because they will often laugh or make faces back. Is this harassment?
I understand what the video is saying. I'm just speaking from my experiences. Its hard for me to not believe looks don't matter when women I have said hi to a respectful way look at me in disgust only to have my brother be a block away and get her number even though he starts the conversation by yelling out loudly at her, "I like the way your ass works those jeans." I'm not saying that there aren't going to be women that hate it no matter what. I just don't believe that all women would hate a catcall if it came from a hot guy like I am getting from this video.
I understand what the video is saying. I'm just speaking from my experiences. Its hard for me to not believe looks don't matter when women I have said hi to a respectful way look at me in disgust only to have my brother be a block away and get her number even though he starts the conversation by yelling out loudly at her, "I like the way your ass works those jeans." I'm not saying that there aren't going to be women that hate it no matter what. I just don't believe that all women would hate a catcall if it came from a hot guy like I am getting from this video.
How do you make everyone happy?
I understand what the video is saying. I'm just speaking from my experiences. Its hard for me to not believe looks don't matter when women I have said hi to a respectful way look at me in disgust only to have my brother be a block away and get her number even though he starts the conversation by yelling out loudly at her, "I like the way your ass works those jeans." I'm not saying that there aren't going to be women that hate it no matter what. I just don't believe that all women would hate a catcall if it came from a hot guy like I am getting from this video.
Of course aggressive cat calls and whatnot are unacceptable, but if a really hot chick walked by and I threw a "Nice" her way... would that be considered harassment?
Help me out here because I don't want to put off women. If I see a woman I'm attracted to while I'm out and about is ok for me to say hello as a way to try and start a conversation?
I may have a skewed perspective myself because I actually met my wife "on the street". First day of college and I saw her walking down the street and I ran over to her and said "you are the most beautiful woman I've eve seen". She smiled and laughed we started walking and talking. In my situation it came from a good place; genuine awe at her beauty.
But I know it comes from a bad place for some guys who just want sex. Did I want to have sex with my wife when I first saw her, yes. But I also wanted to talk to her and get to know her as well. Shades do exists on this topic IMO
It can be, yeah. The important thing about harassment is that it's unwanted. Some women might find kissy faces cute, but other women might find them intimidating or bothersome. If you're walking home after working a long night shift, you'd probably rather just be left alone.
Your friend doesn't mean to intimidate when he does that, but many women are used to being hollered at since adolescence. They might mistake his playful intentions for something darker.
This is why I wish more women would approach men that they find attractive. Even if on that rare occasion a woman approaches me they want me to be the one who takes the leap and asks about getting a number so that we can get a coffee or just talk more.
This is why I wish more women would approach men that they find attractive. Even if on that rare occasion a woman approaches me they want me to be the one who takes the leap and asks about getting a number so that we can get a coffee or just talk more.
It is completely irrelevant, and you, even with this, managed to just obscure the matter at hand. Any person on the street doesn't have a right not to be interrupted or asked about something. You are allowed to walk up to women and ask them out, when you're out. If you start a conversation with "I'm sorry, I just had to stop you. Your beauty just overwhelmed me", then you're trying to start a conversation. It might not work, but that's what you're doing.
The video, on the other hand, shows how men use these things to display their dominance. They can "take" from these women, like the girl on the subway, or the one whose chest got groped - both of them said they felt extremely violated because the man just took, and then gave them a look like "yeah, I did that, and there's nothing you can do about it". It's not about getting sex. It's about their impulses, and that they can "take" the view from these girls, or "take their attention", or "take their ass". They're abusing their physical power to invade these girls' lives. This is a topic of how calling out how hot a girl is, just to call it out, is violating a girl's right to her own way in public. You're asserting your dominance, but nothing more. These guys don't even want to pursue sex with these women. They just want to 'take' something from this passer by. That's a violation that's unwelcome. That is not related to men asking girls out on the street. It is not related to how you met your wife, and it isn't related to sex. It is related to men taking what isn't theirs.
If the situation was flipped, you would be on NeoGAF complaining about crazy girls who don't know when to leave you alone.
*reads thread* *cuts off balls*
I had no choice. happy now women?
I may have a skewed perspective myself because I actually met my wife "on the street". First day of college and I saw her walking down the street and I ran over to her and said "you are the most beautiful woman I've eve seen". She smiled and laughed we started walking and talking. In my situation it came from a good place; genuine awe at her beauty.
But I know it comes from a bad place for some guys who just want sex. Did I want to have sex with my wife when I first saw her, yes. But I also wanted to talk to her and get to know her as well. Shades do exists on this topic IMO
That's a form of sexism. Your co-worker just doesn't want to admit it.I have a question that any man or woman that has ever worked can answer. It's something I've noticed in my work experience, and I'm curious if others share this as well. When your job has hired a new employee, and a co-worker asks if you've met them yet, do you notice this pattern?
If the new employee is male, the co-worker usually says "Have you met John?"
If the new employee is female, the co-worker (typically a male co-worker) often says "Have you seen Jane?"
This is something I've often noticed and it always kinda bothered me. I brought it up once to a co-worker, but he said I was just looking into insignificant things too much.
This is hard to believe since men in general are much more likely to seek out sex than women. Just look at casual encounter ads, prostitution, porn, bar and club patrons: men dominate these spheres. You think if the woman who filmed herself getting catcalled would really bother those men if she cat called and hit on them?
*reads thread* *cuts off balls*
I had no choice. happy now women?
That's a form of sexism. Your co-worker just doesn't want to admit it.
Even in the video in the OP one of the women said that saying "hey," to get a woman's attention is harassment. To me saying hey is like saying hi to get someone's attention. And when you add in that I am a 6ft, 185lb guy that has a perpetual mean look and neanderthal-ish features, my "hey," "hi," or "hello" must have come off like harassment to a lot of women. I'm getting sad just thinking about it.
That's why I said "if the situation was flipped"
If you think it is your place, as a random guy, to tell a woman walking down the street that she is beautiful, as if that is your right, then to whatever intent you do it, I have no reason why you do it. We men don't have that right.
There are a lot of guys in this thread immediately rushing to the fringe of the discussion "Oh, now I can't even look at a women" while ignoring the big, fat, juicy center of the discussion. Guys, no one's going to flip out if you glance at a woman. Many women aren't going to be upset if you politely say, "Excuse me, miss..." or "Hello." But if you're so incapable of reading body language that you can't tell the difference between someone trying to get to work and someone looking to be approached, maybe it's better if you didn't hit on random women as if they existed to give you a shot at getting laid.
It doesn't really sound like a Freudian Slip to me, just a difference in attitudes towards men and women, aka sexism
Yeah. I'm kind of curious how pervasive this Freudian Slip is though.
I imagine the people saying that actually mean "met". As in, have I made myself acquainted with that person. I don't think they literally are asking if I have simply seen her. Thats going off the rest of the context of the conversation.
Would say catcalling begets the threat they think could happen or is it independent of that behavior?
Personally I see it as independent. Trying to address catcalling by raising awareness of obnoxious behavior is useful for other reasons; but if you are trying to tackle the problem that men inflict more sexual violence on women I don't see how the issue is being directly addressed through stopping this specific behavior.
Until that behavior is reduced women won't stop seeing us as threats.
Would you like it if someone catcalled your mother? daughter? sister? significant other?
What if she dressed in a certain way and someone said she was "inviting" it?
Maybe she even enjoys? Maybe your sister secretly loves the high school dropout at the corner of the street doing his best 2pac thuglife impersonation whistling after her yelling how he wants to impale her with his 20 inch donger?
Come on, its not okay, you would be instilled with rage if someone did this to one of your own female family members.
Would you like it if someone catcalled your mother? daughter? sister? significant other?
What if she dressed in a certain way and someone said she was "inviting" it?
Maybe she even enjoys? Maybe your sister secretly loves the high school dropout at the corner of the street doing his best 2pac thuglife impersonation whistling after her yelling how he wants to impale her with his 20 inch donger?
Come on, its not okay, you would be instilled with rage if someone did this to one of your own female family members. These women are all someones mother, daughter, sister, niece.
I don't like the "could be a relative" angle at all to be quite honest.
How about just seeing us as people. Not someone who needs to be related to you or another man because you're only about self-interests.
The One and Done;123742976 said:That's a bit too idealistic for reality. The fact is, as humans, there are people we're care about more than others.
The One and Done;123742976 said:That's a bit too idealistic for reality. The fact is, as humans, there are people we're care about more than others.
The One and Done;123742976 said:That's a bit too idealistic for reality. The fact is, as humans, there are people we're care about more than others.
You treat other men as humans. Why can't this extend to women?
I suspect that behavior will never be gone, unfortunately, and I suspect women are well aware of that. I don't believe this video intends or suggests that a reduction in cat-calling will make women feel safe. The reduction in cat-calling simply allows them to get where they're going without having it rubbed in their face that they aren't safe. The video isn't attempting to solve all problems, it's attempting to raise awareness regarding this particular issue.
Again, the definition of harassment is made to encompass everything and ends up meaning nothing.
"Hey." Throw the book at him.
Again, the definition of harassment is made to encompass everything and ends up meaning nothing.
"Hey." Throw the book at him.
You're completely undermining the issue.
You're completely undermining the issue. Saying "hey" sexually when not in an appropriate setting is a form of harassment, yes. How many times must this be repeated?
The issue is undermined by people choosing to wring in things that are clearly not harassment into things that are clearly harassment.
The issue is undermined by people choosing to wring in things that are clearly not harassment into things that clearly are harassment.
To somebody who knowingly treats women differently than they treat men, it probably can be difficult to differentiate harassment from normal chitchat.