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[DragoonKain]

For most of my adult life, whenever talking with someone and they are telling me a story about them getting upset at someone for something stupid, I'd always remind them that the person didn't make them angry, they made themselves angry, because getting angry is a choice.

But recently I've been thinking about the importance of comedy because it makes us laugh. And then that previous thing about anger popped into my head. Is finding something funny a choice or is laughing instinct? I don't ever recall taking a second to think if something is funny, I either laugh or I don't. Well, if that's true, is anger the same thing? Is anger actually instinctual? Is getting angry a choice? Or is it a bit of both?

I'm pretty introspective, and I wonder if I've been passing out bad advice all these years by telling people who get angry over dumb shit or when something is their fault that they have a choice not to get angry.

 

[Sakura]

Getting angry is not a choice lol.
You can be aware however that you are getting angry and remove yourself from the situation.

 

[haxan7]

Bit of both.

Peace is better than acting on anger in 99.9% of situations that we encounter on a daily basis.


So you’re not wrong to steer people in the direction of controlling their anger.

 

[Northeastmonk]

Anger isn’t the choice. The choice comes with what you do with your anger. You can get mad without having any control over it, but you do have control of what you do when you’re angry. Anger is an emotion, just like being happy or sad.

 

[Mossybrew]

For fuck sake, getting angry is absolutely not a choice. And it takes years of life experience to override that natural reaction. OP u have absolutely been giving tone deaf naive "advice" jesus.

 

[haxan7]

For fuck sake, getting angry is absolutely not a choice. And it takes years of life experience to override that natural reaction. OP u have absolutely been giving tone deaf naive "advice" jesus.

prefacing a sentence giving your opinion about anger with “for fuck sake” is like a fat person prefacing a sentence about cupcakes with “i love cupcakes”. it kinda tells me all i need to know.

 

[bigedole]

Anyone who has had kids knows anger is not a choice Learned a lot about myself after becoming a father and have been trying to improve ever since.

 

[MaestroMike]

poor energy/nutrient management and putting yourself in situations without the necessary fuel or burning all your fuel by going too fast before the task/job is done leads to stress which leads to anger. best thing you can do to lower the chance of getting stressed is to make sure you're energy loading as well as nutrient loading consistently and go at a nice, steady pace like a tortoise. if you want to go fast its probably fine when you're nearing the end of your task and you have off a good amount of time off to allow yourself to rest, get rid of all the waste products that you just burned and fuel up again. you only want to go super saiyan once in awhile and I guess as a training exercise in case you actually find yourself in a situation where sh!t hits the fan and speed is top priority. but imo you should aim to always keep some energy/nutrients in reserve and go at a nice, steady tortoise like pace and make sure to take frequent breaks.

 

[Vicetrailia]

I think what you do with your anger is the choice part of it. Anger itself isn’t a choice many times because while you may not express the anger you are feeling, you still feel angry.

 

[Jon Canon]

Anger is very often a secondary emotion, triggered to hide more vulnerable raw emotions like fear, disgust etc. So when the primary emotion is something else, then yes its a choice. As a primary feeling, not so much.

People with anger issues, often have problems identifying primary emotions.

 

[NeoIkaruGAF]

I understand getting angry. Some things just rub us the wrong way.

I don’t understand not being able to control it in controlled situations. If there’s no threat to your life or those of a close one, being overrun by your anger and doing bad shit is something I haven’t experienced since my childhood temper tantrums. There’s times I’ll slam my fist on a table or get the urge to throw something, but hurting people? Nope.

 

[mansoor1980]

i wish i was the incredible hulk

 

[YoshiMadness]

Feeling angry is uncontrollable as any emotion is, but the way you handle it is your choice.

 

[SidViscous]

Anger isnt controllable, but letting anger control you is. I think the ability to control your anger is directly linked to intellect.

 

[Soodanim]

Anger is very often a secondary emotion, triggered to hide more vulnerable raw emotions like fear, disgust etc. So when the primary emotion is something else, then yes its a choice. As a primary feeling, not so much.

People with anger issues, often have problems identifying primary emotions.

Then there’s the times when the only emotion anger is masking is being pissed off

 

[GeekyDad]

I think it's a bit of both, or at least perhaps in some cases. Had an incident at work a couple of weeks ago. Called a fellow department head to the back of the store to help me make a bale before he ducked out again for, like, the fifth time in a row. I was very professional when I called him on the loudspeaker and spoke to him over the phone. When he came back there, though, I could tell he was hot, face red, etc. Told him in a tone that expressed my frustration, "Can you help me make a bale?" He just started cursing at me and getting aggressive. I volleyed that shit right back and held my ground. After a couple of rounds of "fuck you"s and insults, he walked off.

Now, I say I think it's a bit of both because, though I reacted, I have my mind kind of set at certain levels to react certain ways in certain situations. For instance, a neighbor came to my house recently complaining about my dog barking at his kid. He was also very aggressive and cursing. But I calmly asked him to relax. He got worse, so I eased up even more. And this guy was a twig; I wasn't afraid of him. My co-worker, well, he might be more of a physical issue. But I gotta live next to this guy as a neighbor -- my place of comfort and such. At work, I'm a supervisor and people need to know I can be solid for them. I don't know. I feel like I'm not articulating myself well, but I feel like I've programed myself to react in certain ways depending on the situation. Though I reacted involuntarily, I think I still had a hand in which reaction came up. Now, after that incident, I let my boss know of the altercation, he instructed me to just make the bale(s) myself next time, "it's not worth it," and so I've programed my mind to react differently in those situations.

 

[DragoonKain]

Hmm... then maybe getting angry isn't a choice, but staying angry is.

For example, someone calls you a douchebag and you get angry as your first reaction. Then you pause and say to yourself" Why did you let that stupid word upset you, get over it, it's not that big of a deal" and then you calm down and not let it anger you anymore.

 

[FunkMiller]

Angry, sad, horny, happy… none of these are choices. They are human emotions we all have in reaction to the world around us, and it’s never voluntary.

 

[Whitecrow]

OP, do you ever told yourself 'hey, I think this situation is bad, lets get angry and show them that what they are doing is bad'???

 

[Dr. Suchong]

I have anger management issues and I can say that it's definitely not a choice.
I wish it was. It's exhausting being angry.

 

[PanzerAzel]

Feeling angry isn’t a choice. Getting angry is.

 

[apowhungo]

the person didn't make them angry, they made themselves angry

This is really bad advice that would make people stick around shitty people.

But recently I've been thinking about the importance of comedy because it makes us laugh.

OP an alien doing a survey for sure.

They do have good questions though.

 

[strange headache]

Anger isn't bad as it can be a powerful motivator for change. The way how you express your anger is what matters.

 

[ForAcademicPurposes]

If you're going to get mad at the internet, you should go outside and touch grace.... instead.

 

[Stitch]

On YouTube it's a choice to make money

 

[nush]

If you're going to get mad at the internet, you should go outside and touch grace.... instead.

I'd rather touch Grace than grass. I mean, if she's up for it.

 

[Dr.Morris79]

you should go outside and touch grace.... instead.

 

[Fbh]

I'd say feeling anger largely isn't a choice.

But how you react to those feelings is.

 

[thefool]

Instinct but you can work on it. God knows how much i try...

 

[poppabk]

Bit of both. Works both ways to, sometimes you should be angry. I have a hard time getting angry even when the situation requires it, I've gotten pretty good at faking it though.

 

[StreetsofBeige]

To me it starts as instinct, but as you get older it's up to you if you can control it or not and change.

When I was a kid (I'd say up to mid high school), I'd get into lots of fist fights and get mad easily (especially when my older siblings would piss me off. No fist fights with them. We weren't that bad at each other).

But some time in late high school and university age, I just got really chill and suddenly have no urge of anger or bare knuckling. Looking back, the big issues were actually petty and I think I learned how getting into conflict is most of the time based on a stupid topic to begin with. So who really cares. I also realized most of the people I dealt with were idiots too (and hey they probably thought the same of me). So my dad lecturing us to stay away from losers probably helped solidify me being more chill later in life.

I think some of the chill attitude I have is simply based on me not being religious, not caring about voting most of the time, and I just my own thing. My view is it's up to others to accomplish things in life.

So a lot of potential hard hitting pissyness some people have in real life with people (religion and politics) I'd never be involved in because I'm in middle or indifferent. While those people can argue all day, I'll sit back and watch them fight while checking sports scores and my stock portfolio.

 

[miles118]

Getting angry isn't a choice. Do you get angry at will ? It's an emotion, you do not choose to love something or to fear something. it comes naturally.
What you do with your anger is not really your choice either. A lot of times people who get carried away by their anger do things they will regret later on when their anger has passed. The correct way to resolve your situation has always been to me to remove my anger to think more rationally. I have breathing excercises and stuff that help me with that. But sometimes you do not even notice that you are angry and when you do something stupid it's too late. So you have to have a way to identify this anger because their may be a root cause for this.

 

[miles118]

Getting angry isn't a choice. Do you get angry at will ? It's an emotion, you do not choose to love something or to fear something. it comes naturally.
What you do with your anger is not really your choice either. A lot of times people who get carried away by their anger do things they will regret later on when their anger has passed. The correct way to resolve the situation has always been to me to remove my anger to think more rationally. I have breathing excercises and stuff that help me with that. But sometimes you do not even notice that you are angry and when you do something stupid it's too late. So you have to have a way to identify this anger because their may be a root cause for this.

 

[Wildebeest]

Yes and no.

While you are angry, you are literally robbed of the choice to stop and think and make good decisions, but the real problem is getting into situations where you are angry or react by getting angry. They say "in vino veritas", or in wine there is truth, because it lowers your inhibitions to reacting "honestly". Some people are angry drunks because they are holding back on their anger. These are people who are actually making a choice to go out and get drunk knowing that when they go home they will most likely not be able to stop themselves abusing their wife or kids.

We have a natural reaction to circumstances that is deep and not what we think of as a conscious choice, but we do make conscious choices about the situations we put ourselves in. Some people have severe issues with not being able to consider the future consequences of their actions, but that can be seen as another issue to a stronger instinct of getting angry that complicates it and makes it worse.

 

[PaddyOCanager]

Not all anger is bad, in fact I believe it's a biological necessity just like fear. It's not a choice to get angry, just like it's not a choice to get scared.

 

[TheInfamousKira]

Emotion is reflexive, be it anger, joy, amusement, love, etc. It's different for each person, and you can never change or prevent how something makes you feel.

That said, with age and perspective comes the foresight to look at an event, and say to yourself "this has the chance to frustrate me, I'm not going to engage in it," or "this HAS frustrated me, I'm either going to bite back or keep my cool," THAT'S where the choice comes into play.

Getting angry is like getting aroused, but most people who don't favor that don't go strolling through the red light district or immediately pounce on the next person they see, they manage it, like every other emotion.

 

[Raven117]

A bit of both.

 

[JimmyRustler]

As someone who changed drastically in the past 5 years when it comes to that (I used to get angry very quick and now I like the absolute opposite) I would say it‘s not really a choice. But you can get rid of it if you actively work on yourself.

That being said, the caveat here is (or at least it was for me) that loosing your hot temper also means you are loosing other emotions along the way. For instance, I am not nearly as quick to be happy, exited, horny, thrilled, scared, ect. any more as well.

I was thinking about this quite a lot in the past and it does kinda make sense that there is a connection here and that it‘s impossible to loose your temper but not some other, positive feelings along the way. But then again, I‘m no psychiatrist, so what do I know.

 

[miles118]

As someone who changed drastically in the past 5 years when it comes to that (I used to get angry very quick and now I like the absolute opposite) I would say it‘s not really a choice. But you can get rid of it if you actively work on yourself.

That being said, the caveat here is (or at least it was for me) that loosing your hot temper also means you are loosing other emotions along the way. For instance, I am not nearly as quick to be happy, exited, horny, thrilled, scared, ect. any more as well.

I was thinking about this quite a lot in the past and it does kinda make sense that there is a connection here and that it‘s impossible to loose your temper but not some other, positive feelings along the way. But then again, I‘m no psychiatrist, so what do I know.

You have gained in maturity and become smarter that's all. When you have a rational mind it's easier to not get influences by emotions.

 

[StreetsofBeige]

You have gained in maturity and become smarter that's all. When you have a rational mind it's easier to not get influences by emotions.

I think what you said here sums up what I think. But you did it in lot fewer words.

 

[Pejo]

I've caught myself forcing myself to be angry before, so I agree with the "bit of both" side. Weird now that I think about it.

 

[DeepBreath87]

As other people have pointed out, anger itself is a feeling that is largely outside of your control. But it also isn’t an excuse for actions. If you make me angry so I punch you in the face, “you made me angry”, does excuse the violence.

We are supposed to learn as kids is to separate emotion from impulsive action. A 4 year old might hall off and smack someone if they’re mad. Fortunately, the consequences of being hit by a 4 year old are pretty minimal. Part of socialization is teaching young kids how to handle their emotions in a productive way. That way, when they’re 17 and punching someone might actually do some damage, they have learned better ways for dealing with being angry.

 

[TheDreadBaron]

The way my dad taught me and my sister when we were little and trying our best to get at each other was that giving into anger is giving away your power. If someone is trying to goad you into anger the best response is to recognize that and retain control of your emotions, then you win the game and retain your power in the situation. Otherwise you’re being controlled by the other person and your own emotions.

 

[Halo is Back]

Anger is a natural emotion that every human feels. It's not a choice, but you do choose how to manage it and not let it take control of you.

 

[PSlayer]

A bit of both imo. You can't control how you feel about things and sometimes that pushes you into bad decisions but at the end of it you can always choose to stop.

 

[Ionian]

Definitely can be both or either/or. Just look at sporting events when aggression important, competitors get riled up.

They sometimes regret it though and try to hug it out instead but crowds hate that, which is why a ref has to step in and part boxers who keep hugging and whispering in each others ears sweet nothings.

I know myself when I've been in some situations that I've asked the missus to give me a slap before heading off to deal with some 'issues'. Oh she loved doing that a bit too much, had to tell her to tone it down as everytime the slap got more vicious. I wanted to be angry not cry!

 

[Amiga]

The prophet said true strength is not from physical ability. It is self control at the moments of anger.

And it's not just holding yourself back. It's reasoning about the causes of the anger. If they come from hurt pride then one should develop humility. If it comes from outside aggression then one should develop fortitude. If it comes from a hostile environment then try to one talk to remove ignorance, or move away if it doesn't work.

 

[Ionian]

The prophet said true strength is not from physical ability. It is self control at the moments of anger.

And it's not just holding yourself back. It's reasoning about the causes of the anger. If they come from hurt pride then one should develop humility. If it comes from outside aggression then one should develop fortitude. If it comes from a hostile environment then try to one talk to remove ignorance, or move away if it doesn't work.

Which prophet is this?

Certain situations you can't just take your time to reason away the anger before deciding to move away. What if a random stranger attacked you? It happens all the time when some drunk/drugged/deranged moron decides it'd be great fun and would impress their mates.

Happened all the time when I was growing up, now the kids are doing it and sharing them on Tik-Tok.

Dublin councillor says 'someone will be killed' as teen gangs film street assaults

A local Dublin councillor has warned that it is only a matter of time before someone is killed as gangs of teenagers attack each other and post the footage on social media in a bid to outdo each other.

www.sundayworld.com

Reminds me of the old 'Happy Slapping' vids and news articles about some targets being seriously wounded or killed due to head trauma as a result of falling. At least the Tik-Tok morons can be tracked down by their accounts.

" If it comes from a hostile environment then try to one talk to remove ignorance, or move away if it doesn't work.". Nah, mate. Head in the clouds with that.

 

[BigBooper]

You can choose how to respond, but that doesn't mean just walk away from every confrontation. Some people will not choose how they respond and will just act on instinct ripping your heart out of your ribcage as you try to reason with them. In those moments you have to show them the Dim Mak.

 

[Rawker]

Anger is lazyness