Support NeoGAF

[Amiga]

You can choose how to respond, but that doesn't mean just walk away from every confrontation. Some people will not choose how they respond and will just act on instinct ripping your heart out of your ribcage as you try to reason with them. In those moments you have to show them the Dim Mak.

Taking a stand is a logical decision. you can be forceful and calm. it's better actually. this is what martial arts are about. force from anger is chaotic and turns bad situations worse.

Certain situations you can't just take your time to reason away the anger before deciding to move away.

yah it's difficult. had my issues when I was younger. learned from regrettable experiences. just hope advice means people need fewer lessons.

 

[ksdixon]

Being tense is a feeling.
anger is a reaction.

 

[StreetsofBeige]

Some of you are mixing up anger with violence and self defence.

Pretty sure the OP's intent was under normal discussion is anger controllable and a choice.

 

[Kenpachii]

For most of my adult life, whenever talking with someone and they are telling me a story about them getting upset at someone for something stupid, I'd always remind them that the person didn't make them angry, they made themselves angry, because getting angry is a choice.

But recently I've been thinking about the importance of comedy because it makes us laugh. And then that previous thing about anger popped into my head. Is finding something funny a choice or is laughing instinct? I don't ever recall taking a second to think if something is funny, I either laugh or I don't. Well, if that's true, is anger the same thing? Is anger actually instinctual? Is getting angry a choice? Or is it a bit of both?

I'm pretty introspective, and I wonder if I've been passing out bad advice all these years by telling people who get angry over dumb shit or when something is their fault that they have a choice not to get angry.

What if i sit next towards you, and sing the same song all day long for 5 days ( day and night ), even when u try to sleep, all day long every day so u can't sleep anymore. U ask 300 times over the course of those days to stop, i don't stop, i will keep singing next towards your ear. Nothing u can do to get rid of me and i am laughing every single time u suffer.

U will explode and slash out.

U have controllable anger, u have uncontrollable anger.

If tommorow your kid stands next to you and some stranger shit head thats 2x smaller then u hit your kid in his face and his nose breaks and laughs about it. U will explode and level him.

U getting angry because u hitted a stopping light 3 times, is just controllable anger and u choose to get upset at that point.

I can tell you this, i explode whenever shit doesn't go the way i want it to go and will do whatever i can if not my intellect but otherwise with anger to get it done. It's good and its bad, because bad part is u can get in trouble really easily. the good part is, things get done far more quicker and u are not on the end of the shit stick whenever something needs to get done.

 

[StreetsofBeige]

What if i sit next towards you, and sing the same song all day long for 5 days ( day and night ), even when u try to sleep, all day long every day so u can't sleep anymore. U ask 300 times over the course of those days to stop, i don't stop, i will keep singing next towards your ear. Nothing u can do to get rid of me and i am laughing every single time u suffer.

U will explode and slash out.

U have controllable anger, u have uncontrollable anger.

If tommorow your kid stands next to you and some stranger shit head thats 2x smaller then u hit your kid in his face and his nose breaks and laughs about it. U will explode and level him.

U getting angry because u hitted a stopping light 3 times, is just controllable anger and u choose to get upset at that point.

I can tell you this, i explode whenever shit doesn't go the way i want it to go and will do whatever i can if not my intellect but otherwise with anger to get it done. It's good and its bad, because bad part is u can get in trouble really easily. the good part is, things get done far more quicker and u are not on the end of the shit stick whenever something needs to get done.

Your examples are much different than the OP's. Your ideas involve physical harm or someone purposely agitating, which involves more of an angry self defence kind of reaction.

The OP's message seemed geared more to be people getting angry at dumb things in a more normal situation where maybe it's a few people debating (not punching each other). At least that's my interpretation.

 

[SlimySnake]

Anger is a normal human reaction just like fear, sadness, and happiness. You just have to control it. If your anger is resulting in bodily harm, verbal abuse or some other kind of crime then yes, it becomes a choice on how you let out your anger.

Blaming people for getting angry is like blaming a battered wife for getting beaten.

 

[DragoonKain]

Initial anger may not be a choice, but staying angry certainly is.

 

[Scotty W]

Heraclitus- It is difficult to fight against anger, for what it wants it buys at the price of soul.

 

[StreetsofBeige]

Initial anger may not be a choice, but staying angry certainly is.

Sounds about right.

Some people are more easily to anger than others. Some people stay angry longer too (the good old lifetime grudge).

Do both have to correlate together. Not IMO.

I remember arguing with a family member 10 years ago (not immediate fam). First time I had ever gotten into a heated battle since I was probably 10 years old fighting my siblings over something stupid like who has control of the remote control.

Then like a year later he emails saying he apologizes and it was pretty dumb to argue.

Apologize? What for? I wasn't even thinking about it until you brought it up again. Don't worry about it. So it shows he was still thinking about it for a year. While for me, it was more like "Hmmm.... Hey he sent me an email. I wonder what he wants to email me about?"

 

[Tschumi]

I was once someone who never got angry, i understood the world and i understood why people said what they said, and i had the ego comfort to just bounce along... Through uni and some bad relationships i have developed an edge, mostly built on reduced self respect, and i do sometimes get pissed.. but to this day i think getting pissed is a failure, and more often than not it takes me a long time to get triggered.

As i understand it, as i continue to master my life, eventually I'll go back to that former "water off a duck's back" phase.

...

In summary, going by my experience, I'd say getting angry is the tip of an iceberg of tension underneath that can be built up over years, and if you don't want to be so angry you need to look at why you go around with a stick up your ass in the first place.

 

[12Goblins]

I was once someone who never got angry, i understood the world and i understood why people said what they said, and i had the ego comfort to just bounce along... Through uni and some bad relationships i have developed an edge, mostly built on reduced self respect, and i do sometimes get pissed.. but to this day i think getting pissed is a failure, and more often than not it takes me a long time to get triggered.

As i understand it, as i continue to master my life, eventually I'll go back to that former "water off a duck's back" phase.

...

In summary, going by my experience, I'd say getting angry is the tip of an iceberg of tension underneath that can be built up over years, and if you don't want to be so angry you need to look at why you go around with a stick up your ass in the first place.

I too long believed anger was a sign of weakness and irrationality and so for years I learned to control it to the point where I would pretty much never get angry (drives my wife mad), but as I get older I realize that getting angry at the right thing, at the right time, and to the right degree is a valuable skill and a virtue

 

[Tschumi]

I too long believed anger was a sign of weakness and irrationality and so for years I learned to control it to the point where I would pretty much never get angry (drives my wife mad), but as I get older I realize that getting angry at the right thing, at the right time, and to the right degree is a valuable skill and a virtue

I see a good point in this, that being ambivalent isn't any better than being a rage pot, i agree, i was never going "lol nothing matters" or anything, i had strong opinions, i just talked them out as far as they would go rather than screaming them..

It's definitely important to get exercised about things, like you say, your children being threatened, or being treated unfairly... Growing up my dad never lost his cool with us, always solved problems methodically and, if i can't do that myself i just feel like a total ape lol.

I think these days, in this period of instability, I'm more likely to want one more word on an argument, because i feel like i need to win, and that is a kind of desperate, pointless anger that I'm really sickened by.

 

[JimboJones]

I like this guys explanation, maybe wouldn't go as far as keeping a journal in my case but probably useful if your feeling like things are constantly triggering that emotion.