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[Whitecrow]

Context: 30 years old, skinny, shy, introvert, virginity regained

Enlightment came to me a few days ago.
I've been recently in a pretty sad streak of being ghosted by girls, which is something I'm relatively used to, but I really wonder why it keeps happening.

I think that having awful social skills and decent self-steem, is that it makes you think it's ok to talk to girls, but in your pursue of trying to look casual and cool in your conversations, it makes you look stupid actually.
And I honestly dont know how to avoid that. I've been told recently that an innocent comment on a story of a girl, I got her blocking me. And that hurts.

I dont know really whats happening. Are the girls I know this entitled, in the sense of thet if they have 0 interest, they dont even want to talk?
(I'm talking about girls from my town and we are not strangers)

Are they personal problems so big that they dont even care about others feelings?

I dont know. I dont think myself as a worthless person, and I think I'm kinda interesting if girls get to know me, but I'm not given any chance for that to happen.
If you are not popular, girls wont give you any chance it's like they assume from minute 1 that you are not worth, or something like that. And doesnt matter how good of a person you are, you are just invisible.

But I say I was idiot this whole time because I failed to realize one thing until now.
Most girls you have no relation with (even if you are known to each other) will think of you as a creep (aka something to avoid) if you open conversation to them casually (unless you are super hot I guess), and that's never the way to go.
It's very hard to catch their attention by talking on social networks. Sucks for shy people and introverts, because in order to have a slight chance, you have to look cool in person and show how people loves you in your circle of friends.
If you are the quiet one, you are discarded almost instantly.

I hate myself.

 

[Nico_D]

I don't know why you would hate yourself for other people's bad behaviour? Don't do that because that's actually stupid.

It feels like you are just meeting wrong kind of people. Which is bad luck and not much more.

 

[poodaddy]

Hit the gym. I know it's cliche, but it's real. Hit the gym, build some muscle, educate yourself, learn something new, learn an instrument, get passionate, work on self improvement. This is inherently attractive, and if you feel you're too well known in your area for being a certain way and aren't being given a chance, then move. Sometimes the best thing to do is escape, but take time to take care of yourself no matter where you are. Don't attempt to "get girls", be someone you're proud to be, the girls will come along eventually whether you like it or not.

 

[haxan7]

It’s not even the weekend yet

 

[INC]

Do coke

Youll be more confident and girls turn into utter sluts for coke, scientific fact

 

[CAB_Life]

Hit the gym. I know it's cliche, but it's real. Hit the gym, build some muscle, educate yourself, learn something new, learn an instrument, get passionate, work on self improvement. This is inherently attractive, and if you feel you're too well known in your area for being a certain way and aren't being given a chance, then move. Sometimes the best thing to do is escape, but take time to take care of yourself no matter where you are. Don't attempt to "get girls", be someone you're proud to be, the girls will come along eventually whether you like it or not.

Exactly this. I was 95 lbs until I was 21. People used to think I was a Spanish girl in my goth phase or anorexic when I grew out of that. Twenty years of fitness and proper nutrition since and the accompanying sense of mind/ body/ soul connectivity and the confidence that comes with becoming literally powerful has propelled me to places beyond my wildest dreams. Pursuing other interests and talents came naturally once I had a strong foundation from which to grow.

It’s easy to wallow in self-pity. It’s hard to take that first step to do something about it, but you’ll never look back once you do.

 

[EviLore]

I hate myself.

Women have ESP about this one.

Hit the gym. Get into real-world social activities instead of commenting on the social media posts of girls you're interested in. Start working on something challenging and meaningful so that you can develop confidence and pride in yourself. Consider therapy if you're spiraling into self-loathing.

 

[Whitecrow]

I don't know why you would hate yourself for other people's bad behaviour? Don't do that because that's actually stupid.

It feels like you are just meeting wrong kind of people. Which is bad luck and not much more.

Right now is hard to met new people in person, and the social network game seems like it's not for me : /

Hit the gym. I know it's cliche, but it's real. Hit the gym, build some muscle, educate yourself, learn something new, learn an instrument, get passionate, work on self improvement. This is inherently attractive, and if you feel you're too well known in your area for being a certain way and aren't being given a chance, then move. Sometimes the best thing to do is escape, but take time to take care of yourself no matter where you are. Don't attempt to "get girls", be someone you're proud to be, the girls will come along eventually whether you like it or not.

I'm on it I'm on it (on the gym part). Hopefully, gaining muscle is not as hard as gaining weight. And honestly, I'm so burned out of self improvement. I never stop doing that, but in a way, that makes me be defined by what I can do instead of how I am or how I could treat the people I love. Which is not cool I guess?

It’s not even the weekend yet

Sorry, venting out is spontaneous, I'm sure on the weekend there will be more gossip to talk about < 3

Do coke

Youll be more confident and girls turn into utter sluts for coke, scientific fact

Noted haha

Exactly this. I was 95 lbs until I was 21. People used to think I was a Spanish girl in my goth phase or anorexic when I grew out of that. Twenty years of fitness and proper nutrition since and the accompanying sense of mind/ body/ soul connectivity and the confidence that comes with becoming literally powerful has propelled me to places beyond my wildest dreams. Pursuing other interests and talents came naturally once I had a strong foundation from which to grow.

It’s easy to wallow in self-pity. It’s hard to take that first step to do something about it, but you’ll never look back once you do.

I'm the king of self-pity. Also the king of 'where do I improve now?' but since I never get results regardless of what I do, I need to make threads like this.

I started this month to take seriously the gym thing, like, more serious than ever and results are starting to show, but I need to be patient here. Hopefully after some months everything will be better ; 3

Women have ESP about this one.


Hit the gym. Get into real-world social activities instead of commenting on the social media posts of girls you're interested in. Start working on something challenging and meaningful so that you can develop confidence and pride in yourself. Consider therapy if you're spiraling into self-loathing.

ESP? Dont know what it means.

Short and sweet post, straight to the point and speaking clearly : )

Thanks for the advice everyone, love you < 3

 

[BadBurger]

Smoke crack. Gives you a burst of energy and you lose all inhibitions for a short time. When you're not smoking crack take human growth hormone and workout all the time. You'll be a big swoll up chad crack monster of self esteem before you know it.

Serious answer: gym, better job, learn to live in your own skin and be comfortable

 

[Nico_D]

Right now is hard to met new people in person, and the social network game seems like it's not for me : /

I don't know about gyms, feels like that may not be the best place to actually meet people.

When I was alone, I started playing Bridge. Not the best probably either because there people are slightly obsessed in showing how smart and good players they are.

I doubt social media is good for anyone, really.

 

[nush]

I don't know about gyms, feels like that may not be the best place to actually meet people.

It means go to the gym to get fit, not to hit on the women there. Never hit on women in gyms, they are there to look good for someone else just like the men are.

 

[nush]

I've been recently in a pretty sad streak of being ghosted by girls, which is something I'm relatively used to, but I really wonder why it keeps happening.

I can guarantee your doing it wrong and blaming everything else. Are you talking to these women on dating Apps or just sliding into their DMs on social media?

 

[FunkMiller]

What type of girls are you going after, OP? Coz a lot of the time, guys who aren’t getting anywhere with them ever are usually punching above their weight. Do they share interests with you? Are you talking to these chicks for any other reason than the way they look? I agree with everyone else about gaining self esteem through self improvement, but also might be worth thinking about who you’re approaching and why.

 

[Whitecrow]

I doubt social media is good for anyone, really.

Social media is cancer. But it's what we have nowadays...

I can guarantee your doing it wrong and blaming everything else. Are you talking to these women on dating Apps or just sliding into their DMs on social media?

Sliding into DMs But I think you got the 'blaming everything else' part wrong : D

 

[Coolwhhip]

It means go to the gym to get fit, not to hit on the women there. Never hit on women in gyms, they are there to look good for someone else just like the men are.

That's a bit black and white. Sure, don't go stare and drool at yoga pants, but you could meet someone there.

 

[Kev Kev]

You’re over thinking it. Just be yourself and don’t try too hard. There are plenty of opportunities I have passed up because it would have come off as me trying too hard, and would have made me look desperate and that’s unattractive to girls. Just be normal, calm and confident, and wait for the right opportunity, even if that means letting a a few “kinda good” opportunities pass by. It’s better for that conversation to strike up organically or spur of the moment, instead of searching for it constantly and worrying about every little detail of how things could go wrong (or could go right, for that matter).

Just be patient and wait for those perfect, unplanned opportunities. And just be yourself! You don’t want to attract someone who isn’t attracted to the person you really are. It’ll never last if you try too hard to be cool. Just relax buddy, girls like cool, calm and collected because it comes off as confident (even if you aren’t that confident of a person).

 

[TDiddyLive]

I've been told recently that an innocent comment on a story of a girl, I got her blocking me. And that hurts.

I dont know really whats happening. Are the girls I know this entitled, in the sense of thet if they have 0 interest, they dont even want to talk?
Are they personal problems so big that they dont even care about others feelings?

So you were told YOU did something that got you blocked, then immediately follow by saying these girls are the problem?

How about letting us know what was said in response to what that got you blocked. That might give a better understanding to everybody reading this, which could end up with better advice.

 

[GeekyDad]

Try again.

 

[Cyberpunkd]

Hit the gym. Get proper nutrition, get proper sleep. See your body transforming and your mind will transform as well.

Also quit social media if you can (I'm 36, I only have a LinkedIn profile) and avoid watching 24/7 news channels, nothing in the world is worth following this closely. Stop double guessing yourself and over analyzing, if in doubt let Warhammer 40k guide your way:

An open mind is like a fortress with its gates unbarred and unguarded.

 

[strange headache]

I hate myself.

Start by not hating yourself so that others can love you too.

 

[Whitecrow]

What type of girls are you going after, OP? Coz a lot of the time, guys who aren’t getting anywhere with them ever are usually punching above their weight. Do they share interests with you? Are you talking to these chicks for any other reason than the way they look? I agree with everyone else about gaining self esteem through self improvement, but also might be worth thinking about who you’re approaching and why.

I dont think I'm punching above my weight, but the girls think that for sure. All my qualities are not social ones, so I rely on them knowing me, and that's what I want when I DM them, a chance to know each other. Of course, I dont Dm the girls I dont like so yeah, I'm pretty guided by looks if I dont know her.

You’re over thinking it. Just be yourself and don’t try too hard. There are plenty of opportunities I have passed up because it would have come off as me trying too hard, and would have made me look desperate and that’s unattractive to girls. Just be normal, calm and confident, and wait for the right opportunity, even if that means letting a a few “kinda good” opportunities pass by. It’s better for that conversation to strike up organically or spur of the moment, instead of searching for it constantly and worrying about every little detail of how things could go wrong (or could go right, for that matter).

Just be patient and wait for those perfect, unplanned opportunities. And just be yourself! You don’t want to attract someone who isn’t attracted to the person you really are. It’ll never last if you try too hard to be cool. Just relax buddy, girls like cool, calm and collected because it comes off as confident (even if you aren’t that confident of a person).

I think this is just what happens. I stink to tryharder, and I'm sure that's very unattractive.
I dont believe in right opportunities though, if you keep waiting for them you might do nothing ever...

So you were told YOU did something that got you blocked, then immediately follow by saying these girls are the problem?

How about letting us know what was said in response to what that got you blocked. That might give a better understanding to everybody reading this, which could end up with better advice.

Well, by my words, I could have perfectly said 'Hello' and get the block. Definitely I said something that she thought it was bad. Apparently it was something insensitve from my part (which I doubt because I'm very carefully in those matters), but I would bet my neck that it was she getting overtriggered easily. Anyways, the thing is I just wanted to engage in a conversation commenting on something she shared, but for any reason it backfired. So that's why I wonder what's wrong.

Start by not hating yourself so that others can love you too.

I definitely do, but when I'm down I cant help it but beat me for all things I do wrong.

 

[TDiddyLive]

Well, by my words, I could have perfectly said 'Hello' and get the block. Definitely I said something that she thought it was bad. Apparently it was something insensitve from my part (which I doubt because I'm very carefully in those matters), but I would bet my neck that it was she getting overtriggered easily. Anyways, the thing is I just wanted to engage in a conversation commenting on something she shared, but for any reason it backfired. So that's why I wonder what's wrong.

These “could have” and blaming the other person for getting overtriggered easily, but not actually giving the real story makes it look like you know you did something wrong and are trying to hide it.
If she actually got “overtriggered” then just lay out what you were commenting on and what you said to it. Let the people you’re asking for help determine what needs to be done. Otherwise you end up with vague suggestions that won’t help with the actual problem.

 

[ArtemisClydeFrog]

Love yourself so hard till it hurts

 

[GymWolf]

Hit the gym. I know it's cliche, but it's real. Hit the gym, build some muscle, educate yourself, learn something new, learn an instrument, get passionate, work on self improvement. This is inherently attractive, and if you feel you're too well known in your area for being a certain way and aren't being given a chance, then move. Sometimes the best thing to do is escape, but take time to take care of yourself no matter where you are. Don't attempt to "get girls", be someone you're proud to be, the girls will come along eventually whether you like it or not.

This.

I was a shy ball of fat before hitting the gym.

When you feel attractive, your whole vision of the world change.

 

[Kev Kev]

I dont believe in right opportunities though, if you keep waiting for them you might do nothing ever...

just find the balance between searching for a woman, but not searching too hard.

 

[INC]

I imagine being on your own, you do beat yourself, often!

 

[bitbydeath]

ESP? Dont know what it means.

It means they’ll sense you’re feeling sad and be turned off by it.

 

[Winter John]

The first and most obvious thing is your heading into blaming others for your faults. Don't do that. It's defeatist. It leads to nothing but negativity and having that mindset will almost certainly guarantee you never get out of your situation.

The second thing is those women don't owe you anything. They don't know you and they made it clear they don't want to know you. Move on.

Most importantly get off fucking Facebook or whatever nonsense it is your using to message these women. If you want to meet women go to a bar or go to a club. It ain't rocket science. Sure you'll get rejected. Everyone gets rejected, but keep at it and eventually you'll meet someone.

 

[FunkMiller]

These “could have” and blaming the other person for getting overtriggered easily, but not actually giving the real story makes it look like you know you did something wrong and are trying to hide it.
If she actually got “overtriggered” then just lay out what you were commenting on and what you said to it. Let the people you’re asking for help determine what needs to be done. Otherwise you end up with vague suggestions that won’t help with the actual problem.

It'd certainly help to know what you said OP. Maybe the way you communicate is the issue? But we won't know unless you tell us (truthfully) what you said to her?

 

[Outlier]

I'll put it to you in simple terms, Whitecrow :

* Females expect (instinct) males to provide access to goods = Wealth and sense of security.

* Males expect (instinct) females to provide services = Health (including children) care. Literally men don't NEED anything else, from women.

* If you look at past and current history you will not only see this for dating, but also for how the societies are run.


The biggest problem plaguing intimate relationships is lack of respect and an inflated sense of entitlement.
Unfortunately it is currently mostly females lacking respect for men and FEELING entitled to many things for little to no reciprocation.

This is NOT a secret.


What you/we can do:

* Stop chasing women. In fact neither sex should be chasing. It is a sign of desperation. This is the No.1 attraction killer. Humans like the hunt, but it's off-putting when the prey always comes running to you.

* Always focus on improving yourself. Nothing turns a women on more than a man who's got something going on, because it keeps things interesting and creates a sense that he may provide a better life experience.

* NEVER spoil a woman (includes socializing). She will lose respect for you if she sees that you are easy to control or too needy (gives the sense that you lack security). Technically this applies to everyone. People enjoy the feeling of having earned what they acquire.

* Take the lead... What good is the King with no sense of direction? She is your girlfriend/wife; NOT your mother!

EDIT: * GET OFF the "dating" apps.


There are other things, but I've gone on long enough. Of course this is all coming from a gay guy, who's watched and read about this topic so much, BUT... These issues apply to straight and gay relationships.

(IME) These rules mostly apply to gay men, as well. Having a good same sex relationship is about more than just having good sex.

There is ALWAYS the Alpha and the Beta.

 

[Scotty W]

Couple things you could try:

Do a British accent, women go mad for it, especially if you can give your voice a bit of a nasal tinge.
Keep some pine needles in your pocket so that you smell natural.
Learn a couple of Hindi phrases, whip out your cell phone, and bust em out.
Let them know you are thinking about investing in bitcoin.
Let them know you hate yourself and you need them to fix you.
If you see one in public, you gotta make full eye contact and give a big toothy smile.
Try working sexual puns into your daily talk: I see men everywhere I go, it’s inane, all of it, if I can I will come…
Be honest, you have no ambitions, you don’t want kids, and you are terrified that you are unable to love strong enough to care for a woman after she has lost her looks.
Tell her you voted for both Trump and Biden last year.
Read 50 Shades of Grey and quote from it all the time.

 

[lifa-cobex]

Self confidence issues, Self loathing, Beating yourself up etc etc.

Girls know.
I don't know how they know but they know and they hate it.

You have to learn to love yourself. What ever interest or hobbies you like, turn that shit up to 100.
It doesn't matter what it is but do or enjoy something.
It could even be fucking pokemon. Love the shit out of pokemon. You would be surprised how much more attention you will get.

But do and love something.

 

[Outlier]

That's a bit black and white. Sure, don't go stare and drool at yoga pants, but you could meet someone there.

I'm willing to bet it's best NOT to date your Gym partner, cause you'd both fall of the treadmill (figure of speech). Unless you're both serious about maintaining a good shape, for general health.

 

[Outlier]

just find the balance between searching for a woman, but not searching too hard.

BE the best bait to attract the best fish, even if it attracts all the farm raised Salmon (nasty). :^)

 

[Yoshi]

virginity regained

Sorry I cannot give any good advice, but I am super curious, what does this mean? Especially for a man?

 

[The Cockatrice]

If theres one thing I learned is do not talk to women about your minuses, about your lack of self respect and basically anything negative about you. if they ask, just say some random stupid funny joke but never get serious about those things. Those aspects of your life need to drop at a very slow pace into a relationship. I'm not syaing you should lie of course, you can certainly tell them everything but dont be negative about it. Not everything needs to be transparent on your first days/months of dating.

 

[MDSLKTR]

Sorry I cannot give any good advice, but I am super curious, what does this mean? Especially for a man?

I assume not getting laid in eons, a born again virgin.

OP:

One sided expectations will destroy you. Pussy won't save your condition, matter of fact if you're so much into your head any girl will only make it worse.
Listen to the above advices, it is the way.

 

[Jasper_Rose_808]

Man, you got it all wrong. It's false that girls don't care about others feelings, it's false that girls don't talk to you if you're not popular and it's absolutely not true that if you talk to them casually they'll think that you're a creep.
I'm 19 years old boy and I'm not a model and sure as hell I wasn't in the past, but I still managed to get 3 girl (at least the ones I'm aware of) ranging from cute to hot have a crush on me during high school. And how this happened? Simply because I was behaving with ease and was talking with them casually actually.
So I want to give you some suggestions:
- do sports / hit the gym
- dress better (this doesn't mean that you have to dress in a fancy way, just find your style and make that aesthetically pleasing)
- make your social skill better
- find some niche interests/hobbies
- don't be afraid of girls/women and don't be angry against them.
- For god sake, don't use social media to hit on girls, talk to them in person.

I know that bettering your social skills is hard but you can do it by practice practice practice and this led us to the 4th point. A thing that helped me A LOT was developing a huge love for literature, because that gave me more depth as an individual and made me more interesting and when I realized this, my self esteem skyrocketed. So if you develop interests in some cool things that are niche sectors you will become more interesting, so you're self esteem will boost and so talking with others will become easier.

The 5th point may seems silly but from what I could understand you suffer a bit from the nice guy syndrome and so you have a distorted view of women ("And doesnt matter how good of a person you are, you are just invisible"/ "If you are not popular, girls wont give you any chance it's like they assume from minute 1 that you are not worth"). If you don't free yourself from these ideas you will never succeed. You just have to realize that boys and girls are not so much different, girls feel the same things we feel, talking with them it's not different from talking to a man and actually imho it's a lot more fun talking with a girl than talking with a boy.

Ah yes, follow me on the last suggestion: if you hit on a girl in social media, you're just one in a million creep lusting over a girl and on social you can't really show your self as much as you can in real life, for example there is not your body language and your talking skills, which are really important. If you got the balls to talk to a girl in person, it will be a lot better.

I hope that I helped you man, I wish you the best.

 

[wondermega]

Do you still have your v-card at 30? Or has it been an ungodly long amount of time since you've got even the merest crumb of a female body part - like so long that you have no idea what that is like? Some might argue with me (and some might be right) but maybe you need to do something about that which might not match up with the Puritanical roots of the country many of us live in. If you've been going to 30 with no experience, there's a good chance some pathways in your brain might be a little bit crazy by now. This is definitely fixable, but in the meantime it is probably going to keep helping you put the opposite sex on an unreachable pedestal. Sex is nice - of course - but it is no big deal. However our society centralizes it in a pretty major way and it's inescapable that it will probably destroy our self esteem if you go through a significant portion (like a decade and change) of your adult life without doing anything beyond self-loving (and self-loathing).

That being said.. remember, and this can be difficult, woman are people just like men are. Exactly the same. Yes, they have different chemistry that makes them think and act somewhat differently, and they have been programmed by society (as have men) to behave in a particular way in all kinds of situations, none of that is inherently bad - but as far as approaching them, talking to them, engaging them, it's really the same as talking to dudes. If you can't make small talk with a random-ass dude at a bar about nothing in particular, just to pass the time ("did you see the game last night.. hey I think I am tired as fuck of Marvel movies, what are you watching?.. did you ever check out that funky burger place about 2 blocks down the street next to the Italian joint?.." and etc) then you might have a bit of social anxiety disorder. That is also fine, plenty of us gaffers do brother, and there's plenty of antidotes for that (perhaps therapy, perhaps spend less time online/glued to your phone, perhaps actually go out to some bars and clubs and get used to being around other people and have a couple of drinks to loosen your nerves up a bit.. that sort of thing). But bottom line, if you can talk to dudes, you can talk to chicks, and both will appreciate it because, surprise, EVERYONE else is up in their own heads as well (maybe not as much as you, and some actually way way more).

If you don't have much going on in your life, well you need to change that. I have no idea what your free time and fiscal situation is like, or how worldly you are. My generic advice is that if you have some means, spend some money and see some things, if you are uninteresting BECOME interesting which can only really happen through experience. Gym is nice, can get you healthier and better to look at but it can also be lonely and make you crazy in different ways if that is all you are up to (unless you just love being a hamster on a treadmill, hey I ain't arguing). But if you can take some time off of work or whatever, do that. Travel a bit (this advice is better during non-pandemic time, mind you). If you are a small-town person with a limited worldview, get out there and see some actual interesting shit in the world, there are TONS of things and they are very approachable to many many people. New York, LA, SF, Europe, Asia, plenty of other shit. Don't have any friends to go with? Go by yourself! You can join up with one of those guided group travels and be stuck with a random assortment of other like-backgrounded people in a foreign place for like a week or so. As you've all come from the same culture and are experiencing this new weirdness together, you will all bond very quickly and become insta-friends. I did this with a group in China a decade ago, it was one of the most meaningful and enlightening experiences I've ever had, and cost me a little over a grand for the whole magilla (flights, lodging, all food, etc). Yes I know not everyone can afford to travel (I haven't really done much SINCE that ten-years-ago trip) but it's one of the biggest growth things one can do, and there are plenty of ways to make it happen if one is so inclined.

Otherwise, see what can be done on a smaller scale. If you are able-bodied and live in a place with some people and things, start getting involved in some local groups doing some shit. Even if it is not really things you've every really had your heart set on, it's good to force yourself to get out a little bit and get used to socializing with other adults if you are just not used to that. Climbing groups, hiking groups, join a local comedy class or acting troupe, see what the local colleges have for continuing ed or discussion classes and such. Start checking out your local music scene. If you live in a dull-ass place with nothing going on, it might be suffocating you and could be time to rethink what your home base should be, if you have a choice in such matters.

It is time to start thinking outside the box and start looking at some of these things that might seem a bit uncomfortable to 30 year-old-you. It's very easy to glaze all of this over and come up with plenty of excuses and reasons why NOT to do any of them, but someone who ends a post on this forum with "I hate myself" is obviously crying out for help because they do not, actually, hate themselves, they just don't know how to fix what's wrong and are looking for some help because they do in fact care. And you SHOULD care, you are probably a decent guy with good qualities, most gaffers generally are (I said, most!) so that puts you on the map in my book, for starters! I even typed up all this shit in support of that, when I really need to be up in a few hours for a meeting and a ton of work to do. But yes this resonates with me because of course I've been there too, friend. More than half of us have, I'd wager. Now start thinking about this stuff and start living your life. Don't sweat the ladies, they are out there waiting for you to get your act together!

 

[StormCell]

Context: 30 years old, skinny, shy, introvert, virginity regained

Enlightment came to me a few days ago.
I've been recently in a pretty sad streak of being ghosted by girls, which is something I'm relatively used to, but I really wonder why it keeps happening.

I think that having awful social skills and decent self-steem, is that it makes you think it's ok to talk to girls, but in your pursue of trying to look casual and cool in your conversations, it makes you look stupid actually.
And I honestly dont know how to avoid that. I've been told recently that an innocent comment on a story of a girl, I got her blocking me. And that hurts.

I dont know really whats happening. Are the girls I know this entitled, in the sense of thet if they have 0 interest, they dont even want to talk?
(I'm talking about girls from my town and we are not strangers)

Are they personal problems so big that they dont even care about others feelings?

I dont know. I dont think myself as a worthless person, and I think I'm kinda interesting if girls get to know me, but I'm not given any chance for that to happen.
If you are not popular, girls wont give you any chance it's like they assume from minute 1 that you are not worth, or something like that. And doesnt matter how good of a person you are, you are just invisible.

But I say I was idiot this whole time because I failed to realize one thing until now.
Most girls you have no relation with (even if you are known to each other) will think of you as a creep (aka something to avoid) if you open conversation to them casually (unless you are super hot I guess), and that's never the way to go.
It's very hard to catch their attention by talking on social networks. Sucks for shy people and introverts, because in order to have a slight chance, you have to look cool in person and show how people loves you in your circle of friends.
If you are the quiet one, you are discarded almost instantly.

I hate myself.

Lots of great advice here, OP. I'm going to toss a curve ball though.

EviLore is right that girls know if you hate yourself. They also know if you're self absorbed. This is a plus in many cases.

So here's what I say. F going to the gym unless you like that kind of thing. If you really want to know where not to approach girls for casual conversation, the gym is definitely not the place. Unless you join one of those exercise classes and opportunities for casual interaction occur. Otherwise, the gym is just a place that eats time. There are dozens of ways to shed excess weight and build muscle including going to the gym. But f that. We're going to talk about you.

It's time to think you are King Shit. What do you do for fun? I don't mean playing games--what kind of hobbies do you have? Mine's competitive angling. You know what? Girls just seem to get in the way of that. F them. I mean that, like literally. F'em then go do your hobby. Remember, you're King Shit. Who are your buds? Where's the crew? It helps to have some loud friends. Just go out and be having a good time. King Shit and his rowdy bunch of turds.

What kind of money do you earn? Women like a man with money. F that. Women like money. Have money. Spend a little of it in ways they will notice. Tip well. Tip very well. Remember, you're King Shit from now on. Places that serve you will sound the trumpets and roll a damn red carpet out for you from now on, because you tip like a King. Well, they do for me at least. I'm a generous piece of shit. You should be too. Especially to pretty waitresses who smile in my direction any time I look their way. It goes both ways.

But remember that. Women like money. They like a guy who looks sharp. I don't even look sharp, to be honest, but if I found myself starting up a GAF thread like this one, I would immediately drag my ass out to my truck and go buy some nice clothes. I would find the most nurturing somewhat hip gal I can find at the Burlington Coat Factory or whatever and have her help craft my new look. I'm just awful when it comes to dressing myself.

And that's part of what works for me. I ain't got time to look sharp. I am freaking Iron Man as far as the rest of you are concerned. I've got big expensive fancy toys, and my time is best spent jacking fish jaws and sending 6+ lb fish sideways on the hook set. If I find myself feeling bored or boring, do you know what I would do, OP? I'd go learn to dance again (I already know how... a little). Join a dance class. Hot girls love dancing. They love to be shown off. Find some other social events or things to volunteer for. It's very important to keep meeting "new people" too. Floating in a bowl full of people you've known for ever is like never flushing the damn toilet. If there's any girl you already know, let her track you down. Do not, from this point forward, King, waste another thought on a girl who has had plenty of damn opportunity to get to know you. From now on, you're too busy for her.

And that's what I mean by being self-absorbed. You don't need to be rude to anyone. You just need to be busy with your own things. Like to do the things you like to do. For me, I like bass fishing, love the outdoors, love any excuse to be on the water, like throwing back a few cold ones with friends. I also like to waste entire days playing video games, but that's a solo sort of thing. Every few days, this beast has to emerge from his lair and keep some friendships active. It also helps that there's plenty of dudes like me who love to fish wildcat and outlaw tourneys any day of the week, and we've got plenty of drinking holes right here on the water.

 

[jason10mm]

Sadly, meeting women is often a numbers game. You can't really optimize it or minimize it (though Tinder seems to do that in some markets). You just gotta put yourself out there in as many places and ways as possible. Volunteer, do charity, join clubs, GET OUT! You won't meet any women being behind your computer screen 23 hours a day unless you are doing it at a coffee shop.

Meeting a woman is like punching a heavy bag. You aim PAST her so she feels like you are always in motion, moving towards a goal (that isn't just "can I get your number [pretty pretty please????]") and she'll want to grab on for the ride.

But it can be depressing. We've all been there at some point. You can't wallow in pity, they can smell that like a shark smells a drop of blood and it reeks like a dead skunk to them. Success breeds success so you have to do something and do it well and let that carry over to dating.

 

[Raven117]

Oh Bro. The fact you have a post like this is kinda all I need to know. (Reaching out is good though!)

You have to quit trying so hard. Women have a 6th sense when it comes to smelling desperation on men. Mix that with some odd comments about persute, yeah they are bolting.

Focus on what makes your life interesting. Hobbies, interests (keep your weeklong dungeons and dragons game a bit further back in what you show, but do talk about travel).

You seem young, so the gym may be a bit more important, but work on putting yourself together (clothing, life etc) and you will have more success. In other words. Don’t focus on the gym if you hate it

That and no that ghosting is just the way it goes apt of the time now

 

[StormCell]

Do you still have your v-card at 30? Or has it been an ungodly long amount of time since you've got even the merest crumb of a female body part - like so long that you have no idea what that is like? Some might argue with me (and some might be right) but maybe you need to do something about that which might not match up with the Puritanical roots of the country many of us live in. If you've been going to 30 with no experience, there's a good chance some pathways in your brain might be a little bit crazy by now. This is definitely fixable, but in the meantime it is probably going to keep helping you put the opposite sex on an unreachable pedestal. Sex is nice - of course - but it is no big deal. However our society centralizes it in a pretty major way and it's inescapable that it will probably destroy our self esteem if you go through a significant portion (like a decade and change) of your adult life without doing anything beyond self-loving (and self-loathing).

You know, based on the way your post started I really thought you were gonna recommend a sugar baby for OP.

To each his own. Really. If I wanted to shed awkward really fast, baby and her network of other girls is one way to go. Might be a bit 'spensive, of course.

 

[jason10mm]

And sadly, meeting women is a skill and like any skill it rusts if you don't hone it.

So just make a pact with yourself to talk to 5 new women a day. ANY woman, about ANYTHING. That 60 year old lady in front of you in the lunch line? Strike up a convo. The barista at the coffee shop? Complement her hair even if she is totally not your type. Expect awkward moments, stares, cold brush offs, maybe even an insult. But give it a few weeks and I bet you will lose a lot of that nervous energy when Ms. Right (now) does come along.

Learn to TALK, not just hit on. Lose the shyness through learned behavior. And if by some miracle the girl seems into you, just end the convo and move on, you gotta shed that "OMG YOU want to talk to ME!?!?!" vibe you are currently giving off. And the only way to do that is to not have any expectations or agenda towards that specific person. If you see them again and get the same positive response, then maybe consider asking her out.

Trust me, women decide within SECONDS of meeting you if they would ever actually date you. They are just wired differently than us. You can't really change their mind through desperate perseverance and puppy dog "pity me" stares. You either got it from the get go or its a loooooong path that's all uphill through a blizzard, not really worth your time. If she wants it to happen, SHE will make it happen. You just gotta peacock in glorious fashion and let them come to you.

 

[kretos]

or maybe you're gay

 

[StormCell]

Hey OP, I hear there's plenty of hornt girls over at Kotaku. You could try there...

 

[Whitecrow]

This thread turned up really great. Lots of great people and advice here. I really appreciate all the time you took to write those posts and try to help me.

There's so much knowledge here that it is impossible not to improve if you follow some of the things said here.

- I'm already working out and it's not much of a hassle,so I got that covered.
- By virginity regained, yeah, I mean that's it's been a long time since I touched a girl.
- The problem is not the lack of sex, is that I feel very under-valued from the girls, and trying to prove them wrong wastes my energy and my self-steem.
- In person I dont think I stink to a desperate because I usually mind my own business, but surely it seems like I do indeed stink on social media. Need to improve on that front.
- Definitely will spend some more effort oh my looks. It's not that I dont care about it, I try to dress as best as I can but I can do better for sure.

This for now. I need soe more time to precess everything.
Thank you again for your words fellow gaffers < 3

wondermega I'll talk to you by PM later : )

 

[StormCell]

This thread turned up really great. Lots of great people and advice here. I really appreciate all the time you took to write those posts and try to help me.

There's so much knowledge here that it is impossible not to improve if you follow some of the things said here.

- I'm already working out and it's not much of a hassle,so I got that covered.
- By virginity regained, yeah, I mean that's it's been a long time since I touched a girl.
- The problem is not the lack of sex, is that I feel very under-valued from the girls, and trying to prove them wrong wastes my energy and my self-steem.
- In person I dont think I stink to a desperate because I usually mind my own business, but surely it seems like I do indeed stink on social media. Need to improve on that front.
- Definitely will spend some more effort oh my looks. It's not that I dont care about it, I try to dress as best as I can but I can do better for sure.

This for now. I need soe more time to precess everything.
Thank you again for your words fellow gaffers < 3

wondermega I'll talk to you by PM later : )

What does this mean regarding social media? I have sponsorship obligations and such, but I've turned my FB into a marketing platform. I used to care about keeping up with people on there, but if it wasn't for business obligations and marketing the fishing industry I would close that thing.

I really don't think you should give two farts about social media. Who is keeping up with that anymore? I only ever used it to look at photos of girls. Messenger is "fine" when it's not being malware, but that is the extent of my needs from FB, and I wish it wasn't even that.

 

[Raven117]

This thread turned up really great. Lots of great people and advice here. I really appreciate all the time you took to write those posts and try to help me.

There's so much knowledge here that it is impossible not to improve if you follow some of the things said here.

- I'm already working out and it's not much of a hassle,so I got that covered.
- By virginity regained, yeah, I mean that's it's been a long time since I touched a girl.
- The problem is not the lack of sex, is that I feel very under-valued from the girls, and trying to prove them wrong wastes my energy and my self-steem.
- In person I dont think I stink to a desperate because I usually mind my own business, but surely it seems like I do indeed stink on social media. Need to improve on that front.
- Definitely will spend some more effort oh my looks. It's not that I dont care about it, I try to dress as best as I can but I can do better for sure.

This for now. I need soe more time to precess everything.
Thank you again for your words fellow gaffers < 3

wondermega I'll talk to you by PM later : )

You can do it…. I know it’s counter intuitive but you have to relax. (Also, take a long hard look at how you are coming across in person…. If it’s weird on social media, chances are it’s peaking out in person as well.)

Dressing well does not mean fashion btw. (Just to be clear). You didn’t say where you lived, so that matters in what you choose to wear. Getting classic men’s clothing that fits is where you should start.

And you have to ignore the dry spell. It is what it is. The more you focus on it, the worse it gets.

You have this under control. Get out of your own head!

 

[Banjo64]

Sorry you feel that way mate.

A lot of it is down to you though, your lack of confidence and the way you assume all women only want someone who looks ‘cool’ in person.

The truth is that confidence is sexy, not self-doubt and mopey behaviour. So learn to love yourself. Go to the gym 3 times a week, stop eating cheese in a can and KFC every day, start doing something that’s actually attractive rather than sitting inside and gaming all of the time (read, go on bike rides, plan a trip, even if it’s by yourself, to the cinema etc.) Go travelling alone, go to bars and pubs and do it all with the aim of meeting any man or woman to have fun with (not to fuck).

You shouldn’t be approaching women online with a preconceived notion that you are going to pull them. The only thing online is good for is seeking no strings sex on Tinder etc (you do not sound ready for this). Get your own real life interests and start showing some passion for life and you’ll find that that’s the biggest turn on for most women.

And I mean love yourself, get a haircut once a month or every 3 weeks - get some clothes that fit properly and keep them clean. Stop giving a fuck if a woman values you, why are you seeking validation?