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WCW Monday Nitro 6/5/2000
Big show tonight. The in ring return of Goldberg vs Tank Abbott and Ric Flair vs Vince Russo, all in Georgia!
EARLIER TODAY. Tank and Rick Steiner arrived to the arena.
Eric Bischoff, Vince Russo, and a few security guards come to the ring. Great way to start off the show when you have a hot crowd. Eric runs down the card a bit. Scott Steiner vs Vampiro, Kevin Nash in a New Blood Gauntlet. If he loses, he won't get his title shot. Jeff Jarrett vs Sting. This is in addition to Flair vs Russo and Goldberg vs Tank. So, a pretty big show. Russo calls the crowd horn yackers. I don't know what that means. He also challenges John Rocker to a fight. The cage match tonight will actually be caged heat! Yes. Russo vs Flair in a hell in a cell. What the world is watching. Eric is going to take the Hardcore title off of Terry Funk himself. Why don't they just strip him of the title? Seems way easier. He starts talking to Goldberg, who was watching in the back. He will suspend Bill if Goldberg helps Nash tonight. No offense. Russo decides to be a dick about it, which Eric doesn't like. Russo will personally get up in Goldberg tonight! "I got 2 words for you, everybody say it togetha: SPEAR THIS, BABY!!" This brings Bill out. He easily takes out all four security guards. He's SO much more intense and bad ass than Ryback. It's really amazing. The rest of security come out, but stop dead in their tracks when Goldberg looks at them. WCW really missed Goldberg. He's instantly the most interesting and exciting guy on screen.
TO THE BACK. Eric freaks at Russo for running his match. Jeff comes in pissed about having to actually wrestle. Why be a pro wrestler if you hate to wrestle? Kidman and Torrie come in. Kidman wants a match against the Hogans. Torrie storms out. NEW BLOOD CHAOS.
Shawn Stasiak/Chuck Palumbo vs Kronik WCW Tag Team Championship match
Excuse me. PerfectShawn and The Event. So fake Mr. Perfect and fake Lex Luger vs Crush and Adam Bomb. Nice. This FEELS like a big show, because the arena is huge, looks huge, and sounds huge. The hard came is higher up and farther back, so it makes everything look a little different. It just feels more alive than most WCW shows so far this year. Kronik are dominating. Cat comes down the ramp. Cat walks all the way to the back and then back to the ring. Cat makes Billy Silverman count all the men out under duress. Cat calls for the bell before 10, so Stasiak and Palumbo win by count out. Kronik try to chokeslam Cat, but the champs save him.
TO THE BACK. Kidman flips out at Torrie for making him look bad in front of the bosses. Major Gunns tells him he doesn't have to treat Torrie that way. "Mind your business you dumb bitch!" with all the conviction of a 13 year old boy. Kidman looked and sounded hilarious saying this.
Nash/Steiner and the YAKS walk in the building. Paula Poundstone stops to ask how he feels about his match tonight. All he's concerned about is if he was the last man in the building, so his gimmick lives! A meeting with the MIA. Boner wants to know where Major Gunns is. She walks in crying because Kidman yelled at her. GI BRO runs in to tell her to shut up. Nash, Goldberg, and Steiner have a meeting.
GI Bro vs Kidman.
"If you can't stand the heat, get a job at Hooters." I feel bad for Rigid Cock who has basically had his place as leader of the MIA usurped by a GI. Kidman comes out with the Filthy Animals as back up. Book runs though he whole move set and sets Kidman up for the shattered dreams. Torrie comes out to stop Major Gunns. Kidman tries to shove Torrie out of the ring, but she low blows him. SWERVE! But he was wearing a cup. SWERVE! Book End for the win. Post match turns into a big brawl.
TO THE BACK. Tank is blown up from shadow boxing. Eric and Cat head to the ring for the hardcore match.
Terry Funk vs Eric Bischoff WCW Hardcore Championship.
Oh boy. I'm sure this will be good. Eric has nunchucks. Funk has a trash can. Eric gets creamed with the can. They head backstage. There are no camera men back so they cut to the announcers again. Ms. Hancock comes out to dance!
Kim and Mike Awesome come out to interrupt. Fuck this. Unless Kim and Stacy wrassle. Kim hits Stacy with the clipboard. Stacy wants a fight! Kim says later. The hardcore match comes back out on the ramp. Funk brings him to the ring in a wheel barrow.
I don't know why Mike Awesome just stood there wand walked by without stopping Funk from killing Eric. DDT on a chair! Russo sends the Mamalukes to handle this. Funk is about to give Eric a hot Carl I believe. The Mamalukes hit the ring before Terry can pull his ass out. Vito hits a top rope elbow on to Funk with a chair on his face. Eric Bischoff pins Terry Funk. New Hardcore Champion!
TO THE BACK. Goldberg is getting taped up for his fight. Steiner and his YAKS head to the ring. A white limo arrives. BUT WHO IS LIMO?!?! Why, Ric Flair is limo. And he brings Reid and Beth again. Has this dumb mother fucker not learned his lesson?
Scott Steiner vs Vampiro
Vamp comes out with his blowtorch. Who decided to put Mark Madden on TV? For real. I don't get it. He's so shitty and annoying and obnoxious. Slam onto/through the announce table. It kind of cracked, but didn't really break. That was a transition spot to get Vampiro back in control. What? Whatever. Vamp hits a flying spinning ass to the face. Then hits Steiner with the blowtorch. Midajah hits a top rope cross body! Vamp tries to melt her tits, but Sting saves her. Steiner Recliner for the win. Steiner retains. Security hit the ring, but Steiner and Sting take them out.
TO THE BACK. Tank heads to the ring.
Tank Abbott vs Goldberg.
Goldberg's first match since December when he jobbed to a limo. Tank has been beating up random people since April 10th until Goldberg would return to face him. I'm pumped for this. The crowd is pumped for this. GOLDBERG MOTHER FUCKERS! Goldberg immediately kicks Tank in the head and hits a SHOOT suplex. Rick Steiner comes out and hits Goldberg with a chair twice. Goldberg doesn't job to chairs. Only limos and tasers. Kevin Nash comes out, because he owed Goldberg. Nash came from the crowd so he could sneak up. SPEAR ON TANK! Jackhammer. It's all over! I don't really know why Steiner and Nash were needed for this.
TO THE BACK. Kim takes the mic away from Paula Poundstone. Kim and Mike Awesome are going to kill Stacy or something.
Jeff Jarrett vs Sting.
Brawling out on to the ramp early on. Jeff is using a chair. Sting pins Jeff with a sunset flip. Sting wins the title! Bischoff comes out and says it wasn't a title match. Sting is now going to kill Jeff for this. Jeff gets thrown through what was left of the table and put in the deathlock on the ramp. I think Jeff hurt his elbow somewhere in this. Scott Hudson mentions the Dusty Finish. Sting then hits Jeff with the guitar, knocking him off the ramp.
TO THE BACK. Jeff is put in an ambulance.
Mike Awesome/Kim vs DDP/Ms. Hancock.
Kim signs a waiver before the match and before she knew that DDP was the mystery partner. WHATTA SWERVE! THAT'S THE OLDEST SWERVE IN THE ARMY! What? I don't even now what that is supposed to mean. Both women are wrestling in heels for some reason. Stacy and Kim argue and try a dance off. Then the men get involved. This is a great crowd. It would improve all of these shows at least 50%. I wish WWE still had crowds this hot. Awesome splash only gets 2. Attempted Awesome bomb is stopped when Stacy rips her skirt. DIAMOND CUTTER OUTTA NOWHERE HE NEVER SAW IT COMING RKO VARIATIONS ACE CRUSSHHHAAAA!!!!!! DDP and Stacy win.
TO THE BACK. Paula Poundstone is in front of Hulk's dressing room. He told her earlier that there was no way in hell he'd fight Horace. But what about for the past 3 weeks when he's fought with Horace?
Horace vs Hulk Hogan
Eric calls Hulk out, but the NWO music hits. It's HOLLYWOOD HOGAN!
Totally not the same thing as Hulk. WHAT A SWERVE! Oh shit, now his is a CAGED HEAT match as well! Just when you thought this show couldn't get any bigger! This is about as excellent as you'd imagine. Hollywood wins with a leg drop with a chair draped over WHOREASS'SSSS face. As soon as the bell rings, Kidman comes out. And gets thrown over the top through a table. Again. This happens to Kidman all the time. He should stop trying.
TO THE BACK. Paula Poundstone interviews the Flair family. WHOOOOOO! Russo is on the phone freaking out that David is stuck in traffic. Nash gets ready for his gauntlet match. The director could be heard saying "clear" at the end of the scene.
Vince Russo vs Ric Flair Caged Heat
Oh, we're going to have two HIAC in a row? What is this, a WWE PPV? Russo has the absolute worst Flair strut ever. Hilarious. Vince's shirt is ripped and he's getting chopped while screaming like a bitch. Knee drop RIGHT ON THE NOSE!
Since this is Russo booked and in Georgia, I full expect this to end with Ric Flair bleeding and/or crying. David is in the ring out of nowhere. He was under the ring I guess. Ric is now beating the fuck out of David. Russo has a ladder so he can try to climb out because Reid won't let him get out of the door. There is a trap door you see. They are now on top of the cage.
Russo tried to climb down, but the ladder was knocked over so he hung for awhile until Ric step on his hands. We didn't really get to see the bump, though. Figure four! Russo stays in it FOREVER. What the fuck. He's stayed in it longer than anyone I think. Then the RED LIQUID falls. David puts his dad in the figure four while Russo chokes him. Charles Robinson counts and Vince Russo has defeated Ric Flair in a caged heat match in Georgia! Well, he didn't cry, and he didn't blade, but technically Flair was covered in blood so I'm going to count that as I called it. Madden said it was blood in the recap and Tony actually corrected him to say it was the red liquid.
TO THE BACK. Steiner and Nash have a little chat.
Kevin Nash vs New Blood in a gauntlet match.
Russo's music hits and he limps out with most of the New Blood. Disco is first and loses in about 5 seconds with a side slam. Skip comes in and gets powerbombed. The ref counts the fall while Nash is powerbombing JTB. What the fuck? And again for JTB. Nash doesn't even need to pin people here. As long as he hits a powerbomb, Slick will count a pin when Nash isn't even near someone. I think we're 5 down that Nash has defeated, but now they're all ganging up on him. Why wouldn't they do this from the start? Goldberg trots down and makes the save, but the NB attack him. Now it is down to Nash, Goldberg, and Shane Douglas. Franchise is press slammed over the top to the ramp. But Goldberg interfered, so Nash does Nash lose his title shot? Eric comes out and says he'll suspend Goldberg on Thunder. Why doesn't he just suspend him right now? Wouldn't that be way easier and make a lot more sense? I once got suspended from work for 5 days, but they were only Mondays, which were days I never worked anyway. Is it similar to that? Goldberg didn't show up on Thunder, so maybe he doesn't work Thunders and a suspension on Thunder won't mean dick to him.
I'll never understand the evil authority figure who tries to get rid of the most popular guys who make the most money and draw the most fans. If they are business men, why do they care who is the one who is drawing in the fans? And why would they want to get rid of them? And if they're really in charge, why don't they just keep the guys off the shows and not allow them to be mentioned on TV? Or just fire them? And if for some reason they get booked in a title match (which they really shouldn't if you're in charge of booking), just strip the of the title should they win it. I guess it is like the James Bond villian who monologues for 10 minutes before trying to kill him when it would be much easier just to shoot him in the face while he's strapped to a table.
This would have been a really shitty show if it wasn't in front of a huge and super hot crowd.