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June UltraViolent Wrasslin' |OT| This is Small Potatoes!
- Thread starter British Monsoon
- Start date
The whole New Day will get involved.
The are like the Holy Trinity.
They are all the same, but not the same.
He is in the MITB to do some crazy spot.
spindashing
Banned
Brock vs. Kofi is insane.
Feels like an alternate timeline where the Kofi and Orton feud skyrocketed Kofi's career.
Feels like an alternate timeline where the Kofi and Orton feud skyrocketed Kofi's career.
The idea that you could just take 30-40 non-wrestlers and train them all up to be competent or even good wrestlers in just 1-3 years was absurd, anyway. You get prodigies who are great in the ring from the start like Bryan, but most don't get good until several years of wrestling all over the place.
Sure if you don't sign any non-wrestlers you'd miss out on people like Enzo, but most signings should already have at least some experience.
Sibersk Esto
Banned
Is the Brock/Kofi match meant to wow the Japanese audience by showing them a live murder?
All you have to do is look at Bo Dallas.
He joined developmental at what....18? He was there for 6 years across FCW and NXT.....6 years.
He still looks awkward as fuck in the ring sometimes.
British Monsoon
Member
Awesome to hear Athena's getting a try-out this weekend, she's pretty damn talented.
They already have Neville and Ziggler in there. They didn't really need another spot guy in the match.
spindashing
Banned
Awesome to hear Athena's getting a try-out this weekend, she's pretty damn talented.
Good god almighty, I hope she gets picked up.
slightconfuse
Banned
I think his point is you have guys like the acension who are in devolpmental for 7-8 years and show no signs of,growth while all these indie guys are much more expwrienced
FCW was aggressively terrible for training guys, mind. There's a whole generation of guys from that place without a clue, most of which went nowhere as a result.
Mr. Luchador
Member
Awesome to hear Athena's getting a try-out this weekend, she's pretty damn talented.
Is this the same Athena the smarky TNA 2002 crowd kept demanding?
Nocturnowl
Member
It's all a way too get Brock the case, Kofi will win it with the help of new day and then Brock mercilessly pulverises him in Japan and takes the case for himself so he can get revengeance on Rollins.
The time line where Kofi isn't "STUPID, STUPID!"? I can dig it.
Mr. Luchador
Member
Yeah, it sticks with being a TV Show with Wrestlers and it works. Who'd have thought a bit of consistency in style and direction would be such an amazing thing.
Black Republican
Member
yall really think they had beef?
Nocturnowl
Member
Roland_Gunner
Member
They're TV exclusive and Ricochet's is for seven years so he's there until the company goes under.
British Monsoon
Member
Now where is the same lynch mob that went after AJ?
Jeevesmeister
Banned
What the fuck are you talking about. Lucha Underground is the realest show on fucking television.
What do you know about Lucha Libre?
Er guys, they let Rollins go out and cut a promo on his own on Smackdown and it was fantastic. I highly recommend you check it out, its about 7 minutes long with no HHH or Steph or Kane.
Then Ambrose cuts an even better one to Seth and completely sells the match and the stipulation
Word is he took the bump on his neck. Apparently it was in how he took the move, not how Joe did it.
Yes
Dangerblade
Member
CZW Tournament of Death XIII
14/06/2014 (that's 06/14/2014 for you backwards American folk)
Ah, CZW. I used to watch every show from 2001-2004 or so, then I just stopped watching indie wrestling as I couldn't really be bothered anymore. It's crazy to me that this company has been around for over 16 years. That's longer than WCW. For a company that's been around for so long, I can think of very few true CZW guys that went to WWE. Jon Moxley (Dean Ambrose), Sami Calihan (hacker dude on NXT) and Drake Younger (NXT erm...referee) are about it. I think I can name more dead alumni: Trent Acid, Chris Cash, JC Bailey, Brain Damage. Probably more.
Oh no, in copy and pasting the first round matches I've accidentally spoiled who won each of them for myself. I'll change "def." to "vs." for you all and switch around some of the wrestler names as I'm sure you'll enjoy the review a lot more that way.
Match 1:
Fans Bring the Dildos Death Match (Dildo Ladder): Lucky 13 vs. Jaki Numazawa
Yeah, you read that correctly. Maven Bentley (Maybe? Do you actually care? No.) comes out and welcomes the fans, who apparently brought dildos with them. Not to shove up their asses whilst wanking them into a frenzy at the prospect of seeing somebody bleed to death, but to be used in the match. I'm going to paraphrase Paul Heyman's redundant line from the TLC match at WrestleMania 17: "In this match, the dildos can be used as weapons".
Some guy comes out who looks like a cross between Shaggy 2 Dope and a Right to Censor jobber. It's Numazawa, 3 (approximately) chanting fans tell me.
Lucky 13, by process of elimination, comes out next. He looks like Generic Indy Guy, but carrying a ladder covered in dildos. I guess that's something to tell the kids about. Numazawa has a blow up doll (complete with floppy cock) as his mascot. Doubt that would be allowed on University Challenge.
The Tournament of Death kicks off with A FUCKING HAMMERLOCK. I didn't sign up for this. They're now chain wrestling, arm-dragging, shoulder blocking and dropkicking. Fuck you, Bootaaay. Oh wait, here comes a thumbtack bat. The fans are chanting "Over here", presumably telling their carers where they are. "We want dildos", chant their time-travelling mothers back at them, witnessing what their spawn have become.
Lucky 13 gets suplexed onto an ironing board covered in carpet strips or something. Numazawa then follows up with a clothesline-bulldog combo. Bit anticlimactic. He then hits a spinning sit-out fisherman buster for a 2 count.
Lucky 13 gets some offence in, then eats a german suplex with his head in a ladder. Fucking brutal spot. He sells it like it killed him too, as within 1 minute he's jumping up and down and celebrating a win after a shitty shining wizard out of nowhere. Way to expose the proud garbage wrestling business, for a moment there I felt sorry for you, prick.
http://i.imgur.com/haZkX1x.gif
Match 2:
Barbed Wire Madness Death Match: Aero Boy vs. Masada
Here comes Aero Boy. I think your SatNav took you the wrong way, mate. Masada fits in with the theme a bit better, looking like a roadie for a death metal band none of us have ever heard of. He has his hair in an ultraviolent bun. Just sayin'.
COLLAR AND ELBOW TIE UP! Fuck you Bootaaay. The fans are chanting "ole" for some reason. Is Joe gonna come out and kill everybody? That would be fun. Lucha guy does some flippy shit. Masada gives him a quizzical look.
Wow, lucha dude first with the ultraviolence, attacking Masada with a stick with barbed wire balls on the end. Lucha chap gets whacked with a barbed wire wrapped kendo stick a few times. This would never happen in CMLL. Lucha man makes a comeback with a barbed wire chair and barbed wire ladder and barbed wire board okay fuck this just assume everything is wrapped in barbed wire from now on.
Masada ducks out of the way of a splash from Lucha brother, who then flies into a board. His mask comes off. The fans laugh. He scrambles to get it back on. They boo. I don't understand why they care.
Masada and neon green t-shirt event staff set up a board on the outside, propped up by some chairs. Lucha homosapian is placed on it, but gets up and cuts Masada off before he can dive onto him. Lucha I've ran out of descriptions hits a shitty hurricanrana and rolls Masada into the ring for a 2 count.
A series of near falls from moves that would never win this type of match is followed by Lucha spiking some wooden...spikes into Masada's ultraviolent hair bun. Masada returns the favour and stabs Lucha in the forehead with them. Lucha finally gives in after a camel clutch stab-you-in-the-head-with-a-broken-kendo-stick combo. I'm glad that move is making a comeback.
http://i.imgur.com/hO1P9lt.gif
Match 3:
Ultraviolent Pits of Hell Death Match: Masashi Takeda vs. Danny Havoc
Danny Havoc is introduced as "From the capital of Hardcore". What the fuck? That's like saying "From the capital of the UK". Just say London you dumb fuck. Takeda comes out wearing a weird mask and baseball shirt. The fans are throwing streamers, presumably soaked in piss judging by the look of a lot of them.
Another fuck you Bootaaay start. They tease throwing one another into a board covered with light bulbs and baubles. Light tube sword battle spot, which Takeda gets the best of. More glass board teasing, then Takeda gets suplexed into it and smushed into broken glass. THAT FUCKING AIRHORN. Go fuck yourself, why isn't it confiscated? Takeda gets back on top with a spear into tubes/Havoc, no selling the fact he took them full force too. I'm not expecting Flair/Steamboat here, but I am expecting you to sell this shit every time, not when it fucking suits you.
Close up of Takeda's bloodied and glassed back, which is nice. German suplex into tubes, followed by a paddling pool full of salt. Olympic slam into said pool. Kurt Angle these guys are not. The match with Shane and King of the Ring 2001 was more brutal than this, going by the lack of selling from these clownfucks.
http://i.imgur.com/8Bc9cso.gif
A light tube contraption is put into the ring, which then falls apart completely. The fans aren't happy! Best get the finger puppets out to soothe them. Havoc gets the win with an avalanche DVD into lighttubes. After the match they break light tubes over eachothers' heads in some kind of respect spot. Why should I give a shit about people getting hit with them when it obviously doesn't hurt? And what's with all this respect? Three matches, three embraces at the end. The fans cheer it. Why do you want to see people make friends? Is this the Tournament of Love? There were dildos after all.
Match 4:
Light Tube Bundles Death Match: Jun Kasai vs. Matt Tremont
At last, somebody I'm familiar with. Jun Kasai is a fucking nutcase. How he's been doing this style of wrestling for, what, 15 years (at least) without killing himself I don't know. One of life's mysteries, I guess, as is "Who the fuck is Matt Tremont?"
So this is a light tubes match, which is weird as that's what the last match turned into. "Holy shit" chant for a poke in the eye. LMFAO. Tremont tries to get the win within 30 seconds with an elbow drop, no doubt wanting to get home for his dinner. Really tame headbutt spot, which is fair enough as why try to injure yourselves in a deathmatch tournament?
More pinfall attempts before the plunder even comes into play. I'd love to see that happen. If these fans were mobile enough to riot they probably would. Suplex into the tubes at last on Kasai, though he barely landed on them. Tremont then completely no sells going into tubes himself, and then puts Kasai through some more of them. He sells it. This makes no fucking sense. 14 year old me loved this shit but now? I don't understand. Tremont gets thrown from the turnbuckle into tubes on the outside. For a 2 count, of course.
Kasai headbutts tubes into Tremont's head. So much for not trying to injure yourself. I'd be so paranoid about getting glass in my eyes and going blind. How has that not happened yet? Kasai wins with a tube-aided splash off the top. Anticlimactic.
http://i.imgur.com/ik8gTTB.gif
Part 2 coming sometime. Maybe.
14/06/2014 (that's 06/14/2014 for you backwards American folk)
Ah, CZW. I used to watch every show from 2001-2004 or so, then I just stopped watching indie wrestling as I couldn't really be bothered anymore. It's crazy to me that this company has been around for over 16 years. That's longer than WCW. For a company that's been around for so long, I can think of very few true CZW guys that went to WWE. Jon Moxley (Dean Ambrose), Sami Calihan (hacker dude on NXT) and Drake Younger (NXT erm...referee) are about it. I think I can name more dead alumni: Trent Acid, Chris Cash, JC Bailey, Brain Damage. Probably more.
Oh no, in copy and pasting the first round matches I've accidentally spoiled who won each of them for myself. I'll change "def." to "vs." for you all and switch around some of the wrestler names as I'm sure you'll enjoy the review a lot more that way.
Match 1:
Fans Bring the Dildos Death Match (Dildo Ladder): Lucky 13 vs. Jaki Numazawa
Yeah, you read that correctly. Maven Bentley (Maybe? Do you actually care? No.) comes out and welcomes the fans, who apparently brought dildos with them. Not to shove up their asses whilst wanking them into a frenzy at the prospect of seeing somebody bleed to death, but to be used in the match. I'm going to paraphrase Paul Heyman's redundant line from the TLC match at WrestleMania 17: "In this match, the dildos can be used as weapons".
Some guy comes out who looks like a cross between Shaggy 2 Dope and a Right to Censor jobber. It's Numazawa, 3 (approximately) chanting fans tell me.
Lucky 13, by process of elimination, comes out next. He looks like Generic Indy Guy, but carrying a ladder covered in dildos. I guess that's something to tell the kids about. Numazawa has a blow up doll (complete with floppy cock) as his mascot. Doubt that would be allowed on University Challenge.
The Tournament of Death kicks off with A FUCKING HAMMERLOCK. I didn't sign up for this. They're now chain wrestling, arm-dragging, shoulder blocking and dropkicking. Fuck you, Bootaaay. Oh wait, here comes a thumbtack bat. The fans are chanting "Over here", presumably telling their carers where they are. "We want dildos", chant their time-travelling mothers back at them, witnessing what their spawn have become.
Lucky 13 gets suplexed onto an ironing board covered in carpet strips or something. Numazawa then follows up with a clothesline-bulldog combo. Bit anticlimactic. He then hits a spinning sit-out fisherman buster for a 2 count.
Lucky 13 gets some offence in, then eats a german suplex with his head in a ladder. Fucking brutal spot. He sells it like it killed him too, as within 1 minute he's jumping up and down and celebrating a win after a shitty shining wizard out of nowhere. Way to expose the proud garbage wrestling business, for a moment there I felt sorry for you, prick.
http://i.imgur.com/haZkX1x.gif
Match 2:
Barbed Wire Madness Death Match: Aero Boy vs. Masada
Here comes Aero Boy. I think your SatNav took you the wrong way, mate. Masada fits in with the theme a bit better, looking like a roadie for a death metal band none of us have ever heard of. He has his hair in an ultraviolent bun. Just sayin'.
COLLAR AND ELBOW TIE UP! Fuck you Bootaaay. The fans are chanting "ole" for some reason. Is Joe gonna come out and kill everybody? That would be fun. Lucha guy does some flippy shit. Masada gives him a quizzical look.
Wow, lucha dude first with the ultraviolence, attacking Masada with a stick with barbed wire balls on the end. Lucha chap gets whacked with a barbed wire wrapped kendo stick a few times. This would never happen in CMLL. Lucha man makes a comeback with a barbed wire chair and barbed wire ladder and barbed wire board okay fuck this just assume everything is wrapped in barbed wire from now on.
Masada ducks out of the way of a splash from Lucha brother, who then flies into a board. His mask comes off. The fans laugh. He scrambles to get it back on. They boo. I don't understand why they care.
Masada and neon green t-shirt event staff set up a board on the outside, propped up by some chairs. Lucha homosapian is placed on it, but gets up and cuts Masada off before he can dive onto him. Lucha I've ran out of descriptions hits a shitty hurricanrana and rolls Masada into the ring for a 2 count.
A series of near falls from moves that would never win this type of match is followed by Lucha spiking some wooden...spikes into Masada's ultraviolent hair bun. Masada returns the favour and stabs Lucha in the forehead with them. Lucha finally gives in after a camel clutch stab-you-in-the-head-with-a-broken-kendo-stick combo. I'm glad that move is making a comeback.
http://i.imgur.com/hO1P9lt.gif
Match 3:
Ultraviolent Pits of Hell Death Match: Masashi Takeda vs. Danny Havoc
Danny Havoc is introduced as "From the capital of Hardcore". What the fuck? That's like saying "From the capital of the UK". Just say London you dumb fuck. Takeda comes out wearing a weird mask and baseball shirt. The fans are throwing streamers, presumably soaked in piss judging by the look of a lot of them.
Another fuck you Bootaaay start. They tease throwing one another into a board covered with light bulbs and baubles. Light tube sword battle spot, which Takeda gets the best of. More glass board teasing, then Takeda gets suplexed into it and smushed into broken glass. THAT FUCKING AIRHORN. Go fuck yourself, why isn't it confiscated? Takeda gets back on top with a spear into tubes/Havoc, no selling the fact he took them full force too. I'm not expecting Flair/Steamboat here, but I am expecting you to sell this shit every time, not when it fucking suits you.
Close up of Takeda's bloodied and glassed back, which is nice. German suplex into tubes, followed by a paddling pool full of salt. Olympic slam into said pool. Kurt Angle these guys are not. The match with Shane and King of the Ring 2001 was more brutal than this, going by the lack of selling from these clownfucks.
http://i.imgur.com/8Bc9cso.gif
A light tube contraption is put into the ring, which then falls apart completely. The fans aren't happy! Best get the finger puppets out to soothe them. Havoc gets the win with an avalanche DVD into lighttubes. After the match they break light tubes over eachothers' heads in some kind of respect spot. Why should I give a shit about people getting hit with them when it obviously doesn't hurt? And what's with all this respect? Three matches, three embraces at the end. The fans cheer it. Why do you want to see people make friends? Is this the Tournament of Love? There were dildos after all.
Match 4:
Light Tube Bundles Death Match: Jun Kasai vs. Matt Tremont
At last, somebody I'm familiar with. Jun Kasai is a fucking nutcase. How he's been doing this style of wrestling for, what, 15 years (at least) without killing himself I don't know. One of life's mysteries, I guess, as is "Who the fuck is Matt Tremont?"
So this is a light tubes match, which is weird as that's what the last match turned into. "Holy shit" chant for a poke in the eye. LMFAO. Tremont tries to get the win within 30 seconds with an elbow drop, no doubt wanting to get home for his dinner. Really tame headbutt spot, which is fair enough as why try to injure yourselves in a deathmatch tournament?
More pinfall attempts before the plunder even comes into play. I'd love to see that happen. If these fans were mobile enough to riot they probably would. Suplex into the tubes at last on Kasai, though he barely landed on them. Tremont then completely no sells going into tubes himself, and then puts Kasai through some more of them. He sells it. This makes no fucking sense. 14 year old me loved this shit but now? I don't understand. Tremont gets thrown from the turnbuckle into tubes on the outside. For a 2 count, of course.
Kasai headbutts tubes into Tremont's head. So much for not trying to injure yourself. I'd be so paranoid about getting glass in my eyes and going blind. How has that not happened yet? Kasai wins with a tube-aided splash off the top. Anticlimactic.
http://i.imgur.com/ik8gTTB.gif
Part 2 coming sometime. Maybe.
avengers23
Banned
Where's Heyman to tell everyone that Joe shouldn't be held responsible because he's a Samoan, two generations removed from cannibalism, so he just doesn't know any better?
His spots are mild in comparison to what Jeff and Shelton were used for.
Thankfully
Makes for tame matches, and really unnecessary ones (Hell in a Cell.
Neville will be good for them. Kofi doesn't do shit.
It's been that way at my work for a while. I have no idea how the Network is not blocked, but I take advantage occasionally when I have to work on the weekend.
British Monsoon
Member
Excellent, added to the OP. I was expecting to get insulted for making people watch deathmatch spots, not for making people watch chain wrestling, lol.
Dangerblade
Member
TOD works in mysterious ways.
There is only one course of action here, watch the worst of the WWE until they unblock Netflix and Hulu.
that was a fun read thanks bud.
Smackdown was better than Raw as usual. Fantastic opening segment with Rollins et Ambrose sans Authority. PTP getting the number 1 contenders spot in the tag division. KO had his open challenge, had a great promo and then murdered Zack Ryder. "Imma make gravity remember you" in the Kofi vs Neville match. Rusev asking Lana "to be his crutch" with the REAL FEELS ;;;; Then it all gets ruined when Ziggler comes out.
The main event....well it was a good match, much better than any of the performers respective matches on Raw but man if there ever was a vision into the future of face Roman at the top this was it. Taking an unbelievable beating from Sheamus (who was great), getting childrens choir pop/cheers and then overcoming the odds. But seeing as we are in the present we get KANE IN 2015 interfering for the DQ, Sheamus hits a boot kick on Reigns and then
KANE IN 2015 gets to stand tall after chokeslamming Sheamus. KANE IN 2015 is relentless and says he will win MiTB. KANE IN 2015 ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
spindashing
Banned
I am ready for this tape. Rusev, you can do it.
funkystudent
Member
They're saying it was the muscle buster, and there is video online of him kind of taking it on his neck:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ag3U5u1T6Uk
Might want to keep the sound down.
