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[sunshine and gasoline]

kitto, that update you posted pretty much dashed my expectations of a happy ending for you. Chances are that she is cheating on your or planning to do so. Like others have said, it is time for you to bail out. Even if you remain with her I foresee you experiencing for doubts about her again and again in the future.

 

[Dryk]

Telling you that your understandable mistrust isn't valid is a bad sign

 

[mid83]

That dating app situation is shady. No reason you need to be using one for chatting purposes when there are 1000 far better options to chat with “friends”. Now some people do use dating apps for ego boosting purposes vs outright cheating, but in any case, that’s a huge red flag. The fact that she flipped the script on you for confronting her and attempting to make you feel like you were in the wrong is another big red flag.

Personally I’d be leaning towards moving on. We don’t always get the actual truth or closure in these situations and you can drive yourself insane attempting to do so. Full trust and honesty is paramount for a relationship to work, and if she’s doing and saying things that cast doubts, that’s not good for either of you.

 

[MegaManTrigger]

I actually think people are questioning things far too much.

Just stay with her, and move on.

Seriously op, you are letting detective gaf fuck with your head. The interenet would have hung many innocent men by now,

Do you really value staying in a toxic relationship over being single and finding better people?

Because your mindset doesn't really make sense. You're doing the same deflection OP's gf is doing where you're focusing on what the internet is doing as opposed to information that he gave us about his gf's behaviour.

 

[Replicant]

Why would you need dating app to chat with friends when there's Facebook etc which are far more neutral grounds?

 

[KahooTs]

You deserve what's coming OP. It is hard, but you'd be better off for doing it now on your terms.

 

[Snowman Prophet of Doom]

I would say it is fairly likely OP is being cheated on, or that she is planning on it. The lady doth protest too much, as they say.

 

[Ventara]

Damn, OP seemed pretty level-headed, but after reading the summary updates, just another dude getting played.

 

[lt519]

I've lived through this before OP, there's a certain type of girl out there that likes to string along multiple guys, often in different locales, so she's got options. The fact that she wants that means she's gonna leave at the most convenient opportunity, no matter what she says. She's not in it for you, she's in it for her. Be it sex, financial security, or self confidence, she's not stable and is planting dudes where she can. Cut ties and find someone better.

 

[FeenixRising]

Anybody got a TLDR of everything that went down?

 

[snake fish]

Anybody got a TLDR of everything that went down?

Here you go.

I’m no Mandrake, hopefully he can make a proper post. But short and sweet:

OP was dating a girl for 1.5 years. And it was pretty serious. She met his family multiple times, and he had just met them. Marriage was on his mind. She was the one.

His sister posted a picture of her (the sister) and the gf on her Facebook. She gets a message a few days later asking hey! How do you know her? The guy use to be their neighbor or something, so they were kinda friends. OPs sister being the mvp she is, pretended she was just a friend and asked why the guy wanted to know. The guy said oh I’ve been dating her/went on dates with her. OPs sister plays it cool, and asap lets OP know.

OP is frustrated, makes this thread. He lets us know she use to have or has a dating app on her phone, and he was fine with it. He figured it was for an ego boost, nothing more than that. But now he suspects that she met him thru the app, etc etc.

The next day, OP met his girl. He checked if she had the dating app, and then together they went thru Facebook messenger. They even called the guy up. Everything seemed cool, she explained that dudes a creep and she met him once, etc etc. OP was like okay, they made up.

The next day, she talks to him, feeling like he broke her trust by checking her phone for the app, reading her Facebook messages. OP felt bad. But the more he thought about it, the more fishy her story became. For instance, her Facebook text with the guy were only the past 20 days, meaning she deleted messages. The other thing is she wrote something along the lines of “I’ll meet you when I come back to the city” to the other guy thru Facebook messenger. OP wonders why she didn’t just refuse/ignore him/block him.

And here we are.

Sorry for any typos, I’m typing this out on my phone lol.

Extra info by Johnny:

Good summary Veep, I read for accuracy...maybe it's worth to mention that the gf met the other dude twice while dating the OP, one was ...w
ell an encounter, the other time "she ran into him by fluke" at the mall. She was also making plans to 'Meet" later this month.

 

[kurahador]

Damn. How rich are you OP.

 

[-ImaginaryInsider]

I would say it is fairly likely OP is being cheated on, or that she is planning on it. The lady doth protest too much, as they say.

Agreed.

Even if there was no full-on cheating, the OP can absolutely find a girl who (a) doesn't chat up guys on dating apps while in a relationship and/or (b) try to shift blame and play the victim after the fact.

 

[Messofanego]

I actually think people are questioning things far too much.

Just stay with her, and move on.

Seriously op, you are letting detective gaf fuck with your head. The interenet would have hung many innocent men by now,

33 and ive been through more than my share of relationships and had a few unfaithfuls that ended badly.

For someone who's had unfaithful relationships, why are you telling OP to stay with his girlfriend when she's used the dating app to meet this other guy twice and a third time was imminent?

 

[PARANO1A]

Sorry for the shitty situation, OP. The question now is really, what are you willing to put up with? Even if she wasn't fucking him, she was seeing another guy behind your back. I'm sure your trust in her has waivered, and it's unlikely it'll get back to where it was.

In my experience it's better to cut your losses at 18 months rather than waiting years for things to fall apart again. How will you look back on this in 12 months? What would your friends and family suggest to you?

It's not fun but good luck with whatever happens.

 

[big_z]

quiet the scramble the OP is stuck in. some people just cant give up the apps.... kind of a grass might be greener thing.


here's a shady tip for those that use POF or OKC. if you get paranoid or obsessive easily maybe avoid reading.

Spoiler

anyway if you hit it off with someone favorite them and save a direct link to their profile on your pc. most people delete their page if things progress and when this time comes make your profile invisible instead. now if you believe they deleted theirs check that link you saved. if it says not found or whatever you're golden, they're into you and you can safely delete your profile too. however if it still shows up they might be using the site incognito as making a profile invisible only delists it from the search, everything else still works. that's why the link and favorite comes in handy. it lets you check if they updated their profile, if they're online or last were. since your profile is invisible too it wont show up in their history.

 

[Aizo]

Why would you need dating app to chat with friends when there's Facebook etc which are far more neutral grounds?

So you can cheat.

 

[brickarts295]

Why is gaf's answer to everything 'hit the gym'?

Wondering that myself, until I actually did hit the gym the other day. No lady luck yet but I do feel good (and tired).

 

[Heckler456]

Why is gaf's answer to everything 'hit the gym'?

It's like, a meme.

 

[Nictel]

quiet the scramble the OP is stuck in. some people just cant give up the apps.... kind of a grass might be greener thing.


here's a shady tip for those that use POF or OKC. if you get paranoid or obsessive easily maybe avoid reading.

Spoiler

anyway if you hit it off with someone favorite them and save a direct link to their profile on your pc. most people delete their page if things progress and when this time comes make your profile invisible instead. now if you believe they deleted theirs check that link you saved. if it says not found or whatever you're golden, they're into you and you can safely delete your profile too. however if it still shows up they might be using the site incognito as making a profile invisible only delists it from the search, everything else still works. that's why the link and favorite comes in handy. it lets you check if they updated their profile, if they're online or last were. since your profile is invisible too it wont show up in their history.

So what if both people use this tactic?

 

[lenovox1]

Why is gaf's answer to everything 'hit the gym'?

It does make you feel better, balances your hormones, can help create a degree of regularity, helps you focus on the present, and can improve your overall well being.

It's one thing to grieve, but it's a another thing to have that trigger a short term depression that can knock you off your path and damage your mental state permanently.

 

[big_z]

Why is gaf's answer to everything 'hit the gym'?

it puts your focus onto something else and you work on improving yourself which in return might unlock a new tier of potential mates. basically it helps quite a bit by keeping all the feels from overwhelming you.

the old eat a bunch of ice cream, watch movies, drink or fuck something else solutions only fuel your self pity making you more depressed.

So what if both people use this tactic?

you have to play it by ear. most cheaters seem to think if their profile is invisible they are safe.

 

[lenovox1]

the old eat a bunch of ice cream, watch movies, drink or fuck something else solutions only fuel your self pity make you more depressed.

Those also trigger happy hormones, so they are not necessarily bad suggestions. In moderation.

The gym is something that is both healthy and something you can make a habit of doing.

I'd also add in the practice of mindful meditation which will help take one's thoughts away from ruminating the past or formulating the future.

 

[big_z]

Those also trigger happy hormones, so they are not necessarily bad suggestions. In moderation.

true but they tend to be very short lived and then you relapse hard. at least with the gym you feel good for a while after and when you begin to notice results it feels even better. at least from my experience.

 

[Azerare]

Why is gaf's answer to everything 'hit the gym'?

Because they read it on the internet once lol

 

[_Nemo]

OP: Hey I think my GF is cheating on me.
GAF: She sucks, dump her, don't even bother saying bye!
OP: Oh turns out I was mistaken. She even had receipts to prove her side of the story.
GAF: ...Nah red flags. I'm an expert. She fancies more dicks.

Every single time!

Welp, now you guys see why lmao.

 

[polyh3dron]

Damn, OP seemed pretty level-headed, but after reading the summary updates, just another dude getting played.

which makes the OP... not level headed?

 

[Unicorn]

OP I went though something similar when I was young and dumb.

GF was being shady - I found out about it. Confronted her - put the blame back on me for doubting her / looking for evidence.

We broke up - she started seeing the new guy who she claimed was just her friend.

It’s a story as old as time.

GET OUT NOW.

A TALE AS OLD AS TIME

TRUTH

 

[Ventara]

which makes the OP... not level headed?

Yeah. Not in this situation, at least. Was that not clear, or are you implying something else?

 

[Twookie]

ouch that update

yeah you should definitely dump her ass

 

[davepoobond]

Dump her at the gym

 

[Kain-Nosgoth]

damn, and here i thought the problem was over....

I'm verry sorry, i really hope it's just her being too nice to the guy et just can't say no (without necessarly dating), and that she really felt bad because you "doubted" her.... anyway it's still shitty to put the blame on you, it's normal that you had doubt considering the circumstences!

but now i'm not so sure what to do, it's very fishy... did you ask her again about the blocking and the october 23rd? If she's still vague about that.... then you say you can no longer trust her and that you should go separate ways.... maybe then she'll be more clear about the whole thing... if not then she didn't really care about you

a relationship is from both side, if she doesn't care that you feel bad and that it's difficult to keep trust in her without real explanation, then she isn't worth it and doesn't really care about you...

But i really hope i'm not jumping to conclusion again and that it's all a big misunderstanding

 

[Business]

Sorry but I almost died with this gif.

As fo the OP, just do yourself a favour and get the hell out man. And buy your sister something nice.

 

[BiGBoSSMk23]

Damn.

How the fuck did this thread end up with OP not dumping this girl?

 

[aliengmr]

This thread has made me realize I wouldn't last 5 minutes in the dating world. Staying married until I die, and I can live with that.

OP, I can honestly say I have no idea what you should do. But as a rule, I tell my wife everything. If I have a conversation with a female friend, I tell her. If my ex wife contacts me in any way, I tell her, regardless how trivial these interactions are. Not because I have to, it's just a reflex. I take my relationship seriously and I don't believe any of that should be kept from her.

Take that for what it's worth.

 

[Kelsdesu]

Okay I went through the first five pages and now we at twenty. Can somebody please link me to the Mandrake update?

 

[Pyroclastic]

Damn.

How the fuck did this thread end up with OP not dumping this girl?

This thread has legs yet. Been a rollercoaster. The people telling people to eat crow are going to have to eat crow

 

[Hermii]

Gym the hit

 

[Messofanego]

Okay I went through the first five pages and now we at twenty. Can somebody please link me to the Mandrake update?

Not Mandrake but look up at #961

 

[fabricated backlash]

OP I followed this thread since the first post. And I immediately knew how GAF would swing (get out)

I won't tell you one way or another but simply ask you a simple question:

After all that has happened, will you ever be able to trust her again. Fully and unconditionally?

You have to be brutally honest with yourself here. If there's even a slight doubt, then it's better to break off now rather than continue living in doubt. Even if there was nothing going on, if you can't bring yourself to trust her again, it's better to leave.

 

[dosh]

Gonna have to pump that steamed crow out of my stomach.

Wait, we get to steam them before eating them? Gamechanger.

 

[Future PhaZe]

I think the paranoia is a little strong.

She called the guy and nothing insidious was revealed. She showed messages. All this with apparently no prep time to delete /warn guy/cover her ass.

I'd stick with it but hold off on getting engaged for a little while. It's only been 1.5 years.

As far as her concern about jealousy or whatever, if she can be upset if she wants, but if she's willing to break up over it then you guys were never going to last anyway.

 

[Aureon]

Have your sister hit on the guy and see what happens.

Spoiler

Okay, this may be advice for our entertainment rather than your benefit

 

[entremet]

Sister knew. That’s a great sister.

 

[HariKari]

Sister knew. That’s a great sister.

Absolutely.

20 pages because the OP won't wise up and look out for his own interests. Normal, loving partners don't pull shit like this.

 

[Dadasch]

The only thing I'm gonna say is: In case you don't - you should appreciate your sister more often.

 

[Violet_0]

is it really that weird to use dating apps to forge purely platonic friendships, guys?

 

[always crazy bacon]

I think the paranoia is a little strong.

She called the guy and nothing insidious was revealed. She showed messages. All this with apparently no prep time to delete /warn guy/cover her ass.

Her behavior and predictions of that were voiced before we got the update. She might even have gotten away with it if she didn't pull the classic cheaters gaslighting move of making him feel bad for asking about things she was doing.

Claims to dislike the other guy but actually unblocked him on social media and still kept his phone number in her phone.

I'm putting good money down there's more than just one other guy. He was the one that broke cover and she could throw under the bus.

 

[Slaythe]

Lmao "you broke my trust" , literally looking a convenient excuse to dump you.

Act first.

 

[always crazy bacon]

is it really that weird to use dating apps to forge purely platonic friendships, guys?

YES