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okay so i guess you should buy a girl a playstation.
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LadyGAF Advises ManGAF
- Thread starter Mineshaft_Gap
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deadmeadow88
Member
Re: the eyes question.... I don't know if it applies to guys aswell but for girls... I have dark brown eyes and bright "gemstone" sort of colours work well. Especially electric blue, for myself.
cooljeanius said:
Debates aren't good to beginwith if your goal is dating and you're just getting to know someone, unless the girl is a debater too. Not the greatest way to start a friendship but I'll give you my best thoughts.
You want to appeal to the person you are talking to through personal anecdotes. For example, I was speaking to this woman who was having a hard time with a complicated relationship. I took her side but she was still feeling bad about his side, she appreciated it but thought I was simply white-knighting, exclaiming the fact that it was complicated and there was no solution. I then explained why I took her side with something I had been through. I talked about the pluses and minuses of taking her side versus his side and how taking his side would be nothing but detrimental to both of them if you followed the logical progression of it.
Now that's a case specific scenario where she wasn't at fault to beginwith, but I find that a lot of potential viewpoints or decisions that people make keep them in unhelpful stuck patterns. Unstick a thought pattern and things can move forward in a healthy manner.
After I did that, she goes "I wanted to go home and shoot myself before but I feel so much better now, this has been stressing me out and not going anywhere for so long but you are so right you are awesome thank you!" Big hug, win scenario.
So basically, you reason things out while still making sure the person's emotional level is attended to. Your words will not be biting or insulting because you're endearing that person's emotional viewpoint and you've followed the progression logically in a good way.
The second part of this, is that if your viewpoint is fleshed out, you shouldn't be trying to appeal to someone who isn't having any of it. You make your point, but you don't start a fight, it's a lose/lose to take any argument too far. You don't agree and that's that. Switch topics or debate partners.
fadetoblack
Member
Dearest LadyGAF, not sure what to do. I went out on the weekend and met a girl in college. Things went very well in our first meeting. Never a lull in conversation between the two of us even though we were in a group of 4-5, lots of things in common. It was one of those "OMG YOU TOO?!" conversations over and over again.
Saw her again at a social event, spent some time together, danced, we talked some, said we were really into each other, and then we made out some. But then she said that despite the fact that she enjoyed kissing me a lot (her words), that she didn't want to put me through 3 months of back and forth only to call it a day (again, her words). She also said that she felt like she was my grandmother (she's barely 12 months older than I am), then that she would break me (first she seemed to mean physically, but I have more or less a rugby build so... lol, but I got the sense she meant emotionally).
Well, either way, it seems like the latter is more the case because I'm a bit distraught about it given how well we seemed to get along. Saw her at a social event last night. Tried to talk to her some and we even did the catch each other's eyes from across the room thing, but she seemed more interested in talking with her course mate than I. Not sure what to do. Am I in a place to initiate a conversation? Move on? I really want to get to know her better but I'm soooo confused.
Saw her again at a social event, spent some time together, danced, we talked some, said we were really into each other, and then we made out some. But then she said that despite the fact that she enjoyed kissing me a lot (her words), that she didn't want to put me through 3 months of back and forth only to call it a day (again, her words). She also said that she felt like she was my grandmother (she's barely 12 months older than I am), then that she would break me (first she seemed to mean physically, but I have more or less a rugby build so... lol, but I got the sense she meant emotionally).
Well, either way, it seems like the latter is more the case because I'm a bit distraught about it given how well we seemed to get along. Saw her at a social event last night. Tried to talk to her some and we even did the catch each other's eyes from across the room thing, but she seemed more interested in talking with her course mate than I. Not sure what to do. Am I in a place to initiate a conversation? Move on? I really want to get to know her better but I'm soooo confused.
Prax
Member
That is tough. 6 years is a long time to be with someone, so it's understandable that you will be feeling this for a long time. I don't know what happend in those six months, but I guess she took it as something that would continue into the relationship and didn't want that. Was it just that you were so caught up in school work and stuff that you weren't paying enough attention to her? Was the rough patch something to do with events in those 6 months instead of something that will always come up again? I don't know if there's any chance of reconciliation, but maybe it would help both of you feel better to know that your relationship wasn't always like that and wasn't always going to be like that.brucewaynegretzky said:
It's hard to show someone you care short of lavishing them with attention, affection, tears, and constantly reminding them and being demonstrative in general. There are more intuitive girls that will pick up on subtle cues and know you care deeply (seeing loyalty, dependability, honesty, ivesting in them), but lots of poeple need constant reminders. It'll take some time to heal, but you still have your future career to look forward to and that means you can start fresh with a new life soon. The worst is passing and it can only get better from here.
Well, it's kind of pricey, but if she were really awesome to you for all that time like you say, do it! I'd love to get a game console for my belated birthday as a gift to my loyalty and awesomeness!Ken said:
Just make sure to include a card/note saying it's for all those other things too (like you knew she wanted a blu-ray player, and she likes games, and she helped you all those times), and not just as a birthday present. You can even joke and say that you thought about jewelery, but you couldn't figure out those things so you got her a PS3. It will be funny and endearing~!
Hopefully you have a good buddy-buddy and humour-filled relationship with her. That's where this kind of gift would work best.
She probably feels you are too soft for her emotionally. I say, unless you just wanna be her friend because she definitely is trying to friendzone you, MOVE ON!fadetoblack said:Dearest LadyGAF, not sure what to do. I went out on the weekend and met a girl in college. Things went very well in our first meeting. Never a lull in conversation between the two of us even though we were in a group of 4-5, lots of things in common. It was one of those "OMG YOU TOO?!" conversations over and over again.
Saw her again at a social event, spent some time together, danced, we talked some, said we were really into each other, and then we made out some. But then she said that despite the fact that she enjoyed kissing me a lot (her words), that she didn't want to put me through 3 months of back and forth only to call it a day (again, her words). She also said that she felt like she was my grandmother (she's barely 12 months older than I am), then that she would break me (first she seemed to mean physically, but I have more or less a rugby build so... lol, but I got the sense she meant emotionally).
Well, either way, it seems like the latter is more the case because I'm a bit distraught about it given how well we seemed to get along. Saw her at a social event last night. Tried to talk to her some and we even did the catch each other's eyes from across the room thing, but she seemed more interested in talking with her course mate than I. Not sure what to do. Am I in a place to initiate a conversation? Move on? I really want to get to know her better but I'm soooo confused.
AS FOR EYE COLOURS
For brown eyes, I think green stuff would bring them out. Not olive green, but more bright or saturated greens. Turquoises could work well too.
For blue eyes, I think dark and warm colours (browns, reds, oranges) would work well against them.
For hazel eyes, rich browns, bright oranges, dark greens.
For green eyes, bright warm colours (pinks, oranges, yellows)
For grey eyes, dak cool colours (blacks, greys, purples, navy, green)
- btw, I am completely making the colour stuff up based on intuition, but but... IT SHOULD WORK!
Scalemail Ted
Member
Purples are the best... pinks lol. Depending on your complextion you could do other colors as well.maxxpower said:
I have brown eyes and I don't wear alot of pink. I wear lots of grays, purples, teals, black, vibrant reds...
Peasant Princess-King
Member
vibrant, saturated colors look great with dark skinKinitari said:
Peasant Princess-King said:
Prax said:
Really? I guess I should try to get some brighter colours in my wardrobe. Right now I am currently really fond of button up tops with metal button clips - because they're so fun to tear off. Maybe I can work some colour into the next few shirts I buy of that variety.
brucewaynegretzky
Member
Prax said:
Appreciate the thoughts. To be honest there are so many different contributing factors at this point. We both know its over now, for good. The problem is for me I was a happy with our relationship. She wasn't, and to a degree I get it. Of course there were times when I wasn't completely happy either, but its so hard to compare so many complex feelings and influences. Over 6 years you develop a lot of complex feelings. Some fights seem bad and others don't. I guess I just misinterpreted something fatal as a rough patch. Bottom line is it sucks. I'm simultaneously really excited to move so I never see her again, and absolutely terrified of never seeing her again. As far as the new life... that would make this all so much less scary if I felt like I would ever find a job. It feels like my relationship was one solid rock in the foundation of my life and everything else is just crumbling around it.
On top of all that. I fucking hate people. I don't want to meet someone new! That's why I stayed at home with my girlfriend!
BladeWorker
Member
Prax said:
Clothing should be based on your complexion and hair colour before your eye colour. Cool skin tones = cool colours, warm skin tones = warm colours.
BladeWorker
Member
Pretty much the same way you buy any gemstone:eastmen said:
Carat - The bigger it is, the more expensive it will be. For flanking a diamond, you don't need (or want) to go too big.
Colour - Sapphires can range from ligher hues to deep blues. The darker the blue, the more valuable it is. It also looks classier.
Clarity - If it looks "cloudy" then it's of lower quality than one that sparkles clear and bright. Ask about inclusions or imperfections. There are several grades for diamonds, I don't know if the same rules apply for sapphires but asking about them would be advisable. The fewer the inclusions (the more clear it is) the more expensive it will be.
Cut - As in, the shape. Sapphires come in all kinds of shapes, and depending on the setting you want (the kind of band, and the kind of shape you want the ring as a whole to have, etc) you may want a varying cut.
Estate rings and antique sales may have the kind of rings that you want - two friends have similar settings, one a diamond flanked with rubies, and another a diamond flanked by sapphires. Both were estate rings.
Ultimately, what matters is how awesome it looks on her finger - which, frankly, as long as she loves it, ya did good. Colour and clarity be damned
Good luck, dood.
Professor Beef
Banned
eastmen said:
She has good taste.
BladeWorker said:Pretty much the same way you buy any gemstone:
Carat - The bigger it is, the more expensive it will be. For flanking a diamond, you don't need (or want) to go too big.
Colour - Sapphires can range from ligher hues to deep blues. The darker the blue, the more valuable it is. It also looks classier.
Clarity - If it looks "cloudy" then it's of lower quality than one that sparkles clear and bright. Ask about inclusions or imperfections. There are several grades for diamonds, I don't know if the same rules apply for sapphires but asking about them would be advisable. The fewer the inclusions (the more clear it is) the more expensive it will be.
Cut - As in, the shape. Sapphires come in all kinds of shapes, and depending on the setting you want (the kind of band, and the kind of shape you want the ring as a whole to have, etc) you may want a varying cut.
Estate rings and antique sales may have the kind of rings that you want - two friends have similar settings, one a diamond flanked with rubies, and another a diamond flanked by sapphires. Both were estate rings.
Ultimately, what matters is how awesome it looks on her finger - which, frankly, as long as she loves it, ya did good. Colour and clarity be damned
Good luck, dood.
thanks , you think 10 is a good amount to get a nice diamond with two sapphires ?
i'm also wondering how lindsay star sapphires would look flanking a diet
MikeOfTheLivingDead
Grapetastic!
Timedog said:
Very little and if you do, take from someone who's been there, you will never ever trust her.
shanshan310
Member
Kinitari said:
ha ha! This is so true.
CrudeDiatribe
Member
eastmen said:
10 thousand US dollars? For a ring?
I am so glad I'm not getting married (or at least, engaged).
I did buy her an XBox (not a PS3) once, though.
Arcane Hayter
Member
With my first wife I spent a grand on matching white and yellow gold bands (lasted 3 years).
With my second wife we got married with a set of $10 silver bands (11 years together this last July). Today she wears a thin platinum band with small diamonds inside it and I wear a black titanium band.
All I'm saying is that when the focus shifts to dollar amounts and what is "expected" of you, you start to lose sight of what matters most.
There will come a time when you could really use that $10,000 for something the family needs, and guess what, the 10k ring isn't worth 10k anymore...
Later in life, as you get some years under your belt, you'll start to realize that she deserves some nice jewelry. How would you top a $10,000 engagement ring and show her what she means to you?
I've spent maybe $2500 total on jewelry for my wife over the last decade, and somewhere around $15,000 on other gifts. As you can tell Jewelry is one of my weaknesses, mainly diamonds. I think its a scam, but I still buy jewelry for her.
I like to give her many random gifts throughout the year and I couldn't do it if I had spend a large amount of money on a piece of jewelry.
With my second wife we got married with a set of $10 silver bands (11 years together this last July). Today she wears a thin platinum band with small diamonds inside it and I wear a black titanium band.
All I'm saying is that when the focus shifts to dollar amounts and what is "expected" of you, you start to lose sight of what matters most.
There will come a time when you could really use that $10,000 for something the family needs, and guess what, the 10k ring isn't worth 10k anymore...
Later in life, as you get some years under your belt, you'll start to realize that she deserves some nice jewelry. How would you top a $10,000 engagement ring and show her what she means to you?
I've spent maybe $2500 total on jewelry for my wife over the last decade, and somewhere around $15,000 on other gifts. As you can tell Jewelry is one of my weaknesses, mainly diamonds. I think its a scam, but I still buy jewelry for her.
I like to give her many random gifts throughout the year and I couldn't do it if I had spend a large amount of money on a piece of jewelry.
Devolution
Member
Kinitari said:
I hate to say it but any woman who seriously needs (or you think needs) a rock worth the price of a car or a down payment on a house is someone you need to rethink about.
/judgemental
shanshan310
Member
Zoe said:
Its insanity. If it was "three months salary for the wedding/ring/honeymoon" that would make more sense...
The "a diamond means forever" thing needs to go away too. Stupid advertising... why do you make me want diamonds... I think the British royal wedding is helping to bring back sapphires and other stones back into fashion, hopefully ruining the monopoly Diamonds have.
I don't think I could be trusted with something so expensive on my hand anyway... lol.
shanshan310
Member
SRG01 said:
Those seem like pretty good choices for a guy really. Nice and manly.
I'll admit, I'm a gold girl
mostly because it matches with my wardrobe. but as for the stone? It doesn't matter to me at all.PflargBlarg
Member
I don't like throwing out blanket statements but here's a blanket statement for you.
If you spend 10k on a ring you're a goddamn moron.
If you spend 10k on a ring you're a goddamn moron.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Plywood said:
Yeah, no kidding. Sounds like she's the person in the relationship that wears the pants.
Devolution
Member
SRG01 said:
I'm a fan of the custom carved titanium rings myself.
CrudeDiatribe
Member
Jason's Ultimatum said:
I love the crotch of my pants sitting wrong and crushing my junk. Let the "nyah nyah nyah we have mostly internal genitalia" women wear the pants. Unbifurcated garments for men! Kilts kilts kilts! Freedom!
(I wear pants.)
BladeWorker
Member
If the ring is a surprise, you'd better be damn sure of her ring size, otherwise you're SOL. Unlike some other metals, titanium cannot be sized.Devolution said:
Re: ring costs - I've seen diamond/sapphire combinations ranging from $1,500 to $15,000. It doesn't NEED to be 10K to be good. Some of the most beautiful rings I've seen were a couple hundred bucks from estate auctions or sales - and others have been 20K Tiffany rings.
It's personal taste, what you can afford, and what looks good on her. Unlike some people here, I don't think that the amount that you spend on a ring is inversely proportionate to how long your relationship will last - but if you're going to resent one another for how and where you spend money, it sure as hell will.
Prax
Member
Look extra cute/sexy? Knowing how to dance and sing well could help. If you can't be auto-attractive physically, you have to at least be entertaining in some capacity.Bradlums said:
Yo could also look for even shorter ladies. Like.. Asian ones.
How short are you?
As for wedding rings... >___>
Why not just save up for the downpayment on a house or other big ticket USEFUL items instead?
I'd like to ideally spend $500 on a ring TOPS.
brucewaynegretzky
Member
New apartment today. It's beautiful. I hate it.
Bradlums said:
Hi thread,
Long time Gaffer first time LadyGaffing. A buddy told me I should poke my head in and offer my bossy advice.
As a girl of above average height I assure you it does NOT MATTER. If you're confident, if you own it, and just make her feel respected and beautiful you're golden.
If you're all whingy and "Oooh you're so tall and I'm so short wah-wah"-- even if you don't say it out loud it comes across. That attitude, not your actual physical appearance, is what would make you "short as hell".
However, you got to make room for personal preference and the occasional shallow person.
When it comes down to it I doubt many people here (by all means, prove me wrong) feel like women in general are "super attracted" to them. It is human nature we got to work to get over to only see our individual faults and ignore our strengths. Quit that. Be good to yourself and others.
Of course, it doesn't hurt to have money and be in really GREAT shape.
xxoo
Giant Robot
Member
Noez said:
"You look good in that _____."
"You're looking very nice today."
"Did you get a haircut? It looks good on you." (only if you truly noticed that she did)
etc...
Prax
Member
Probably just a general "Hey, you look good today. Any reason?" would suffice. That's flattering and implies that she has plans--which she may! And if not, she'll just ask why, and you can just say "I dunno. That shirt/those clothes/your hair looks good on you today, I guess."Noez said:
Sure. Seems like good non-time-wasting advice.soultron said:
If you want a girl with some kind of initiative or ability to flirt back to humour you, then this is good advice to follow. Really just depends on the kind of girl you want. Obviously if what you truly desire is Miss Shy and Sweet, this will not be a good strategy. But yeah, if you're not interested in running around in circles with trying to get a girl that doesn't know how to react to you or wants to play coy all the time, then I'd take this approach.
If they show no interest or obvious signs, don't sweat, just forget!
Devolution
Member
soultron said:
Wait what? I feel like if you're interested enough in someone you should just go for it. Not everyone is obvious enough about their signals or overtly flirty.
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