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LadyGAF Advises ManGAF
- Thread starter Mineshaft_Gap
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Devolution
Member
I'd rather be called. Too much stuff gets misinterpreted in texts and it just seems fucking stupid to me, to talk about stuff via texting. It's one thing to use it as a means of communication if you're in class or need to tell them something that doesn't need a phone call like "staying late after class." But to actually hold conversations over it? Dial a number. Christ.
/rant
/rant
Wow this thread moves fast!Devolution said:
I agree with you, you do need to know what the other person is like before you start a relationship. I never did and this is one of the main reasons why all of my relationships so far failed (had already come to this conclusion). It's not that I have little experience, maybe a bit too much of the wrong experience.
I still do think that being in love is an important thing in a relationship though. For me, if I'm not in love or like someone, I don't feel sexually attracted to them, another important part in a relationship (for most people anyway). I presume you do feel love for your current boyfriend, did this grow or is it a faulty presumption?
Well, maybe I'm not the best person to give you advice, but I would say; go for itOrgen said:hahaha you've made a good point about the classy thing but don't judge me only for my limited vocabulary(and yes I know it makes me look like a foul-mouthed person but I'm not, I promise!)
You're right about girl 1. I'm not in love with her that's why I'm messing around with another girl. I really like girl 1 but I haven't showed her my true intentions because she doesn't seem as interested as I am (and other things). So I asked if it's possible that besides not being over the ex she could still be open to a new relationship (she told me that she's messed around with other guys since the break up but nothing serious). When the time comes I'll call her, hang out with her and go for the kiss to see if she slaps me on the face or slaps me on the... (there you go, more classy stuff! haha I'm joking)
About girl 2, she's studying in Spain and will be leaving in January (she's from the states). My intention with this girl was always sleeping with her but after the failure of the day we met and the two later dates (with more girlfriend/romantic stuff) I want to get back on track and talk to her so she doesn't get the wrong vibes and see if she's still interested (she was the day we met, I can assure you).
As I've said I could end with nothing but I'm going to try. Only wanted to know the best way to approach this 2 situations.
The way to approach? Maybe just have fun and see where it leads you. Good luck!Flo said:Wow this thread moves fast!
I agree with you, you do need to know what the other person is like before you start a relationship. I never did and this is one of the main reasons why all of my relationships so far failed (had already come to this conclusion). It's not that I have little experience, maybe a bit too much of the wrong experience.
I still do think that being in love is an important thing in a relationship though. For me, if I'm not in love or like someone, I don't feel sexually attracted to them, another important part in a relationship (for most people anyway). I presume you do feel love for your current boyfriend, did this grow or is it a faulty presumption?
Well, maybe I'm not the best person to give you advice, but I would say; go for it
I've already sent a text to girl 2 so yeah, I'm going for it!
Thanks Flo!Regarding your "I'm in love before starting a relationship" I was like you long time ago. But when I confessed my feelings to the girl I loved and she broke my heart without blinking I understood that this isn't the way I should start a relationship. Now when I like a girl I'm more of a "show some interest and let her do the rest". Only when I have to show real interest/go for the kiss (and the girl doesn't show the same interest) is when I have problems (like girl 1).
I love myself to death and will avoid being hurt/rejected before a relationship starts because I'm in love and the girl doesn't have any interest in me (something that doesn't happen when I "only" like the girl). If this (being in love and your SO breaks your heart) happens in the middle of the relationship well, shit happens. But before starting one? No dice.
I like this. Gheh I'm learning a lot from this thread..Orgen said:I've already sent a text to girl 2 so yeah, I'm going for it!
Regarding your "I'm in love before starting a relationship" I was like you long time ago. But when I confessed my feelings to the girl I loved and she broke my heart without blinking I understood that this isn't the way I should start a relationship. Now when I like a girl I'm more of a "show some interest and let her do the rest". Only when I have to show real interest/go for the kiss (and the girl doesn't show the same interest) is when I have problems (like girl 1).
I love myself to death and will avoid being hurt/rejected before a relationship starts because I'm in love and the girl doesn't have any interest in me (something that doesn't happen when I "only" like the girl). If this (being in love and your SO breaks your heart) happens in the middle of the relationship well, shit happens. But before starting one? No dice.
brucewaynegretzky
Member
All this talk about "love" of people you don't know all that well weirds me out. The thing that has me most depressed about trying out this whole dating thing again is that I know, realistically, it will take YEARS to develop the same type of feelings for another girl that I had for my ex. It's so hard to gauge who could develop into someone that I love. I definitely liked my ex when we started dating and I'm sure we said "I love you" after a few months or something, but it wasn't really true at the time looking back. Also, I've had girls who were friends that I knew for years that I wouldn't even say I loved. The type of romantic love that comes from a good relationship takes a REALLY long time to develop and is very different from a "friendship" kind of love.
BladeWorker
Member
If you want her back there's a snowball's chance of her completely buying that you turned your life around just for yourself. If you are going to approach her, keep it simple, public, and open. It's about closing out the "bad" chapter in your life, and sussing out whether she is interested in joining you for the next one. Just as your struggles have been hard work (I'm sure) so have hers, and she may not be willing to put in the effort to get past them - even if you are worth it.Mully said:
That said - the progress you have made sounds remarkably positive, and no matter what you should continue on your path. You may find that you'll find someone with whom you can have the fresh start you seem to want - and it may not be your ex.
Good luck dude.
BladeWorker
Member
You're right, reaching out to an ex's friends is generally a bad idea. Unless you're sincerely concerned that they're going to hurt themselves or someone else - that'd be pretty much the only exception.Mully said:
Or if you're pregnant or have been diagnosed with an STD...though you wouldn't share the details with the friends.
Flo said:
I hope you're not learning from a "classy" guy like me haha ;P
Jokes aside you have to love yourself (and I hope you do!) so you can avoid awful situations like being treated like shit by your SO (there's a recent example in the Girl/Dating Thread). There're other benefits (it gives you more confidence, it makes you feel better...) and if you don't love yourself who's going to love you? (your family doesn't count
)brucewaynegretzky said:
I don't know if this is with reference to my post but the bold part is not true. Here we have a saying: "Un clavo saca otro clavo" (literal translation would be "one nail drives out another", meaning that one girl will make you forget another). I don't know your situation but you'll find another girl and develop the same type of feelings that you had for your ex. It depends on you if it'll take years, months or weeks. If you have one-itis (you still think your ex was the one, the chosen) then yes, it'll take you years to get over this. But you can get over her and start another relationship (not a "week-after-rebound-drunk-girl") before a year, believe me. You have to come to terms with the relationship ending, value your time together and move on (easier said than done, I know).
I'll stop now because I'm not part of LadyGAF and don't want to ruin this thread
Only two questions: (I haven't read all the posts in the thread yet)Who are exactly part of LadyGAF? I know cloudwalking and Devolution are. I would say Flo is too (sorry if you're not
) and Ducky_McGee for starting the thread but there're more, right?And any psychiatrist girl in the thread?
BladeWorker
Member
I drop by from time to time.Orgen said:Who are exactly part of LadyGAF? I know cloudwalking and Devolution are. I would say Flo is too (sorry if you're not
And any psychiatrist girl in the thread?
But no, I'm not a psychiatrist.
Ugh. Hanging out with this girl once a week or so. for the past month and a half or so. She's cool. Get along well in person, but don't really text or facebook or anything like that much. I'd like to start seeing her more. Haven't done much more than make out. Next time we hang out I should tell her I'd like to see her more. Yeah.
shanshan310
Member
Ladygaf here.
HA! He's a pretty great guy really
(I didn't know him at the time. It came up in conversation a few years later and there was a kind of "That was you?!!" moment).
It could be neither of those things. Guys tend to have this weird idea that if a girl isn't asking them out she must be using them. Huh? What about friendships? What about girls who are shy? Girls who "use guys for attention" are few and far between. They do exist, but most people aren't that shallow.
I don't know about you, but I have exams right now. You've only been asking her for a couple of weeks, have these been busy exam weeks? Chances are she really IS busy. If she says she will let you know, don't push it. It either means she will let you know, or it means she's politely asking you to stop. Some people get bored and like texting people. If she's texting you you must be on her radar in someway. If she's not interested in dating you, she is at least interested in being your friend. Which is a plus I guess?
I know someone said that asking her friends is a bad idea, but if its casual (maybe on facebook?) and you knew them fairly well I think it could be beneficial. Preferably before the meet up. Its only been a month, so I'm not sure if she'd be convinced that you've kicked the habit for good, but I'm sure it feels like a lot longer to you. I'm sure she'd see that you're doing it for her though, and thats not a bad thing if your trying to win her back.
icarus-daedelus said:
HA! He's a pretty great guy really
(I didn't know him at the time. It came up in conversation a few years later and there was a kind of "That was you?!!" moment).
Sub_Level said:I've been texting with this girl for a few weeks now (met her on campus, don't have any classes together) always inviting her to hook up. I give her dates and times I'm available, but she says she wants to but she's always busy "but she'll let me know" (which she never does). The thing is, whenever we do text, she is the one who initiates the conversation. SHE'S the one randomly texting ME "hey, whatsup
Is she using me for attention or is she genuinely interested in me? I don't really compliment her and I try to keep our conversations brief, but I'm always polite and try to be myself.
It's not really a big deal to me one way or the other, but I'd appreciate any advice!
It could be neither of those things. Guys tend to have this weird idea that if a girl isn't asking them out she must be using them. Huh? What about friendships? What about girls who are shy? Girls who "use guys for attention" are few and far between. They do exist, but most people aren't that shallow.
I don't know about you, but I have exams right now. You've only been asking her for a couple of weeks, have these been busy exam weeks? Chances are she really IS busy. If she says she will let you know, don't push it. It either means she will let you know, or it means she's politely asking you to stop. Some people get bored and like texting people. If she's texting you you must be on her radar in someway. If she's not interested in dating you, she is at least interested in being your friend. Which is a plus I guess?
Mully said:
I know someone said that asking her friends is a bad idea, but if its casual (maybe on facebook?) and you knew them fairly well I think it could be beneficial. Preferably before the meet up. Its only been a month, so I'm not sure if she'd be convinced that you've kicked the habit for good, but I'm sure it feels like a lot longer to you. I'm sure she'd see that you're doing it for her though, and thats not a bad thing if your trying to win her back.
Posted this in the Girl Age topic, but since it's a question about women, perhaps asking it here might work as well
Yesterday I was on the train reading a book for my psychology class. There was a girl sitting opposite of me who saw what I was reading, and looked at the book several times. At first I didn't notice since I was studying, but as I looked up at a distraction I saw her watching and she smiled at me. This happened a couple of times.
After fifteen minutes of having lots of eyecontact (and waiting if she was gonna say anything) I asked her if she was interested in psychology. She immediately jumped into the conversation and didn't appear shy at all, so that wasn't the reason she didn't say anything. I don't want to sound bitter, because I'm not really anymore but why is this?
I can think of only one girl who came up to me to start a conversation. Is it because it's a sign of confidence if a guy has the balls to walk up to you? Is it because it's just 'the way it is'?
Even female friends of mine say it's unfair, and most of her friends wouldn't feel comfortable starting a conversation. She said one of her girlfriends would feel miserable if she went out to dance and no guy came up to her all night. When I asked her why her friend wouldn't just go talk to someone herself, she didn't really know what to say.
Does anyone in Ladygaf go up to (or has ever gone up to) a guy she's interested in? If not, why not?
Yesterday I was on the train reading a book for my psychology class. There was a girl sitting opposite of me who saw what I was reading, and looked at the book several times. At first I didn't notice since I was studying, but as I looked up at a distraction I saw her watching and she smiled at me. This happened a couple of times.
After fifteen minutes of having lots of eyecontact (and waiting if she was gonna say anything) I asked her if she was interested in psychology. She immediately jumped into the conversation and didn't appear shy at all, so that wasn't the reason she didn't say anything. I don't want to sound bitter, because I'm not really anymore but why is this?
I can think of only one girl who came up to me to start a conversation. Is it because it's a sign of confidence if a guy has the balls to walk up to you? Is it because it's just 'the way it is'?
Even female friends of mine say it's unfair, and most of her friends wouldn't feel comfortable starting a conversation. She said one of her girlfriends would feel miserable if she went out to dance and no guy came up to her all night. When I asked her why her friend wouldn't just go talk to someone herself, she didn't really know what to say.
Does anyone in Ladygaf go up to (or has ever gone up to) a guy she's interested in? If not, why not?
ThoseDeafMutes
Member
Idde said:
Dunno, but it's definitely widespread. There are very few girls I know who like to initiate stuff in this manner.
shanshan310
Member
Idde said:
No I do not, mostly because I'm shy, and feel that the chances of me being rejected are high. This applies to most situations actually. If I'm interested in someone I know already I don't like making the first move, not only because of the two aforementioned reasons but also because the chances of my making our future friendship awkward in the event of my advances failing is high.
I guess the downside is that guys approach me even when I'm not looking. Consequently I always bring a male friend with me when I go up to the bar. I'm probably not the norm, but I love clubbing and hate being approached by strangers.
I probably wouldn't approach a guy--or anyone really--on the street. Unless there was something I really must talk with them about (for example if I saw they were reading a favorite comic of mine I might begin to enthuse.) Probably not just because I thought he was cute or whatever. I've gotten cat-calls and compliments on the street and I just thank them and continue walking, since I'm not really interested in meeting people like that. I did meet my last boyfriend on the street--but only because he wanted to talk with me about being an American! (this was in Japan) He didn't actually want to date me. I think that was the difference for me. (Funny story about that. I saw this guy walking passed who had this somewhat girly shawl on and I was about to text my friend about how hilarious it was when he sat down and talked to me. Dated shawl-guy for a year and a half.)
I have no problems hitting on guys in a more intimate setting like a party or school (or work... but that was only once! I swear!)
I have no problems hitting on guys in a more intimate setting like a party or school (or work... but that was only once! I swear!)
BladeWorker said:
shanshan310 said:
Thanks! Now I know where I have to send creepy PM haha (j/k)
I just wanted to know so I can give a better context when I come back to read the thread, so thanks again.
Idde said:Posted this in the Girl Age topic, but since it's a question about women, perhaps asking it here might work as well
Yesterday I was on the train reading a book for my psychology class. There was a girl sitting opposite of me who saw what I was reading, and looked at the book several times. At first I didn't notice since I was studying, but as I looked up at a distraction I saw her watching and she smiled at me. This happened a couple of times.
After fifteen minutes of having lots of eyecontact (and waiting if she was gonna say anything) I asked her if she was interested in psychology. She immediately jumped into the conversation and didn't appear shy at all, so that wasn't the reason she didn't say anything. I don't want to sound bitter, because I'm not really anymore but why is this?
I can think of only one girl who came up to me to start a conversation. Is it because it's a sign of confidence if a guy has the balls to walk up to you? Is it because it's just 'the way it is'?
Even female friends of mine say it's unfair, and most of her friends wouldn't feel comfortable starting a conversation. She said one of her girlfriends would feel miserable if she went out to dance and no guy came up to her all night. When I asked her why her friend wouldn't just go talk to someone herself, she didn't really know what to say.
Does anyone in Ladygaf go up to (or has ever gone up to) a guy she's interested in? If not, why not?
Guy here and in my 28 years of existence only 2 girls have come up to me to start a conversation in a place that's not a disco/bar/pub (one was at the train and the other one was in the street). I've been told by my lady friends that wearing earphones could make the girls feel more intimidated but I refuse to go out for a walk without my music (if they don't want to talk with me it's their loss).
Fortunately at bars/pubs girls seem to strike up a conversation with guys out of the blue more willingly (at least in my experience). Anyway if I want to start a conversation with a girl I'll do it, no problem. There're worse things like expecting you to pay for everything on a date or some other medieval shit that can make you really upset.
BladeWorker
Member
shanshan310 said:
Here's my argument for not approaching friends to ask about an ex:
Your relationship is between you and your (ex) partner. Once you involve outside parties, you set a precedent that there are no boundaries and you cannot respect the privacy and intimacy of the bond between you, however long ago.
A relationship without boundaries is bound to fail under the scrutiny and interference of third parties, whomever they may be.
Additionally, even if you get the response you're looking for from them, involving friends can suggest that you're unprepared to deal with the person head-on, making you look more like a creeper than a person who wants to be ready to deal with all situations. Alternately, it can also come across as interference - trying to pull the other's friends over to your side, or meddling in the other's life.
Ultimately, if you think you might do more harm than good by reaching out to the girl's friends, you're probably right.
TurboLibre
Member
shanshan310 said:
I find this attitude frustrating. You won't make a move, but still get annoyed when guys approach you. You're making it into a lose-lose situation unless they can somehow read your mind to know you're not only interested, but "looking". I can see why being constantly hit on can get a little tedious, but I can't help but feel like that's a direct result of girls making the whole courtship process very one sided. I'm sure guys wouldn't feel like they needed to hit on everyone if they thought there was a chance the girl would make a move from time to time.
NihonTiger90
Member
Tkawsome said:
I find this to be a problem as well. It's a rough thing to deal with and it's bitten me so many times before that I now either lose interest or just end up waiting to see if they make a move, which never happens, so nothing happens.
I kinda feel like I'm going about this the wrong way, but I'm not sure what to do. It's confusing sometimes. :-\
shanshan310 said:
It kinda is. She basically broke up with me because when I got drunk I let her know how unhappy I was with my life, and that really hurt her. She doesn't want me to me to do things for anyone else right now, she wants me to do this for me. And that's what I've learned, that I need to do this for me, and I want to do this for me. She knows I'm a good person and prior to all of this, I didn't see that. I thought I always had to prove things to people or act a certain way and that made me extremely unhappy.
For basically two years I have loathed drinking and I always wanted to stop and just have a good time sober, but I was too scared to try because all of my friends did it and I wanted to keep up appearances. That obviously backfired and I became a terrible drunk in the process.
I am not doing this for her. I'm going to AA for me. I hate how I act when I drink and AA has really helped me a lot. I'm doing the things I've always wanted to do or say for the first time and it feels good. I just miss her, you know?
I was with her for nearly 3 years and the time I spent with her I could never make one big complaint about her. She didn't have me whipped. There were days where I'd tell her I wanted to hang out with the guys, and she wouldn't be angry, she would actually support me and say "No, no go have fun tonight. You should really enjoy yourself tonight." in a very supportive way. She is perfect to me in every way. She has classical beauty and an adorable smile. She acts like a kid and still composes herself like the most responsible person I've ever met. She lets me be me, even when I was terribly drunk. She wants me to enjoy my life, and she wants me to be happy about myself. That's why I love her. That's why I want her back.
Lissar said:
And then you initiate the contact? Or does the conversation just start naturally?
Flo said:
So, even if someone doesn't have the courage to talk to you, you'll still talk to them? That kinda goes against everything that's being said in the Girl Age thread about being confident, or courageous. However you like to call it
It's a shame more women aren't like that. I've got a couple of friends who are reeeeaaaaally great guys. Just not very...courageous
shanshan310 said:
Unfortunately it's the same for a lot of guys I know. All three of the reasons.
NihonTiger90
Member
Idde said:
That, too. Can't tell you how many times I've either not gone through with asking someone out or had a date bail on me because "It'll be awkward if it doesn't work."
Idde said:
Depends on what you mean by "naturally". It certainly isn't a "Hey babe, what's your sign?" situation or even "You looked cute so I wanted to talk to you." But if I want to talk to a guy, I don't have a problem going up and saying things like "What is with this shit music?" or "I like [insert band] so I noticed your shirt." or whatever. I don't usually have a problem finding some innocuous thing to say to get the conversation going. But if I see a guy I want to talk to, I'm also not thinking "ahhh, I want to date this guy!" which would make anyone nervous. I'm just thinking "he looks interesting, let's see how it goes."
NihonTiger90
Member
Lissar said:
That's a good attitude to have, I guess. Just play it cool.
So I'm meeting up with my GF later this week to discuss things. I'm thinking that I should phrase things positively: that I like spending time with her, and that I'd like more personal contact and more face-to-face to improve communication.
My friend also suggested said that I don't even have to plan 'dates'. It could just be hanging out without any pressure.
Thoughts?
My friend also suggested said that I don't even have to plan 'dates'. It could just be hanging out without any pressure.
Thoughts?
SRG01 said:
Again, I'm a dude, but it's ok to plan a big date once in a while. Maybe you go to a fancy restaurant every month or so, or you plan on going to the movies with her later in the week. However, do yourself a favor and stop putting so much pressure on yourself. She's with you now and she really likes you, you don't have to prove much more to her. Go out with her and just have a good time.
I remember the best times I had with my ex, were when we would stay in at her place, order Chinese take out, and sit in her bed while we watched House Hunters. Those were the nights where you just cuddle up and whisper things to her or laugh out loud and watch old movies. Don't get me wrong, you need to go out a lot in order keep things interesting, but to me staying in can be just as fun as dressing up in shirt and tie and going to an awesome Italian restaurant and splurging on an expensive meal.
Mully said:
Actually, this is what I'm still getting used to. I'm used to planning dates and "doing things", and haven't really done the whole hanging out thing with my previous relationships.
In retrospect, I think this is one of the reasons why her and I need to have more personal contact; dating is fun, but sitting back and catching up with each other is important too.
shanshan310
Member
I agree. Just invite her over to chill. Watch a movie or something. Just make it casual. If you can get this hang out time happening she'll probably enjoy it and feel better about being with you rather than just going out lots of places (which is good - in moderation). You need some low key nights to balance out the "official dates".
This is because I have a boyfriend. lol. I know its frustrating, and I'm sorry. I think I'm probably not the norm, if it makes you feel better. I generally only date people who I already know. I see clubs as a place to go have fun with my friends, not go meet strangers. That's why I dislike it. (Also people trying to start a conversation where there is loud music is never going to work). If you make a move on a girl at uni or something, that's different. I don't mind that. Its just the club/ pub scene that bothers me. I prefer to get to know guys before we go out. If you go up to a stranger (in any situation) and ask them out the chances of her responding positively are lower than if, say, you have been sitting together in class for a few weeks. If you get what I mean.
Tkawsome said:
This is because I have a boyfriend. lol. I know its frustrating, and I'm sorry. I think I'm probably not the norm, if it makes you feel better. I generally only date people who I already know. I see clubs as a place to go have fun with my friends, not go meet strangers. That's why I dislike it. (Also people trying to start a conversation where there is loud music is never going to work). If you make a move on a girl at uni or something, that's different. I don't mind that. Its just the club/ pub scene that bothers me. I prefer to get to know guys before we go out. If you go up to a stranger (in any situation) and ask them out the chances of her responding positively are lower than if, say, you have been sitting together in class for a few weeks. If you get what I mean.
SRG01 said:
My boyfriend used to say this a lot when we were first dating (he would ask me so many questions about my previous boyfriends...) But I said I probably just made them sound bad. In reality it was just that we weren't really right for each other. I don't think badly of them.
Devolution
Member
Idde said:
I asked my first boyfriend out, we were pals, I wanted more, he said yes. 2nd and current boyfriend asked me out so I haven't been able to approach guys in a romantic manner, however I do initiate conversations and such. I do try to mention the boyfriend off the bat, just to make that boundary clear. Most guys don't follow in line with that youtube and fuck right off, we just have fun talking and become pals.
NihonTiger90
Member
I always assume a girl has a boyfriend unless otherwise notified.
Mostly because I do a super-good-job of finding girls who I get along well with that have boyfriends.
Mostly because I do a super-good-job of finding girls who I get along well with that have boyfriends.
CherryWoodFuton
Member
I think I've become too indifferent.......Is there such a thing???? I haven't texted girls I've been interested in weeks but they text me. I really don't set up any kind of date with these girls because I just don't seem too eager to.
shanshan310
Member
NihonTiger90 said:I always assume a girl has a boyfriend unless otherwise notified.
Mostly because I do a super-good-job of finding girls who I get along well with that have boyfriends.
I guess its a good way to not get your hopes up
Do guys get annoyed if girls with boyfriends still want to be friends with them? Because that's the impression I'm getting from a lot of gaf. "She had a boyfriend yet she still pulled me along and used me". I hope none of my male friends think this way
I really value their friendships.I don't. I'm always down to get some new friends. The only time it can be annoying is if she does start to actively string you along when she has no intention of leaving her bf (attention whoring, basically) or if you catch feelings for the girl. Though the latter is more on your end than her's.shanshan310 said:I guess its a good way to not get your hopes up
Do guys get annoyed if girls with boyfriends still want to be friends with them? Because that's the impression I'm getting from a lot of gaf. "She had a boyfriend yet she still pulled me along and used me". I hope none of my male friends think this way
NihonTiger90
Member
shanshan310 said:I guess its a good way to not get your hopes up
Do guys get annoyed if girls with boyfriends still want to be friends with them? Because that's the impression I'm getting from a lot of gaf. "She had a boyfriend yet she still pulled me along and used me". I hope none of my male friends think this way
Haha, well, I don't do it to not get my hopes up at all XD I do it really more to keep myself in check and not let my other brain do the thinking for me.
And as for the second part: Not if they're upfront about it, of course. I'm more than happy to be friends with girls already in relationships and I in fact have several good friends of the opposite sex who have boyfriends.
It's just the ones who kind of string you along and decide to tell you six months later they're not single and have had a boyfriend all along (but were just kind of playing with you emotionally on the side) that are the ones I'm not particularly fond of. Thankfully, that's a small group.
brucewaynegretzky
Member
shanshan310 said:I guess its a good way to not get your hopes up
Do guys get annoyed if girls with boyfriends still want to be friends with them? Because that's the impression I'm getting from a lot of gaf. "She had a boyfriend yet she still pulled me along and used me". I hope none of my male friends think this way
I don't get annoyed, but I do think it's something you should mention casually in conversation early on. I always used to whenever I was talking to a girl. One girl I started talking to recently took over a month to mention her bf when we hung out like three or four times outside of class. I had a suspicion from a friend who said he thought she had a boyfriend, but I swear I thought this girl was trying to hide it from me for a while.
TurboLibre
Member
shanshan310 said:Do guys get annoyed if girls with boyfriends still want to be friends with them? Because that's the impression I'm getting from a lot of gaf. "She had a boyfriend yet she still pulled me along and used me". I hope none of my male friends think this way
I have a lot of female friends that have boyfriends and it's never bothered me. There are some situations that can make it tricky, but I've never really run into them myself. Just try to not flirt too much and limit physical contact, unless you're trying to give them the wrong idea.
shanshan310
Member
brucewaynegretzky said:
If you have them on facebook, and its on your profile that you're in a relationship is it still necessary to tell them explicitly you have a boyfriend? If someone asks me, I will tell them, but I don't go out of my way to bring him up in conversation with people who've never met him. It kinda feels like bragging.
I guess it kinda brings me to my problem. I have a friend who I met around the beginning of semester. Really nice guy, also learning Japanese (which is nice, not many people around here for me to practise with). I never brought up my boyfriend, but I didn't think I needed to (its on facebook, and I'm often on my phone texting him so I thought it'd be obvious). They did end up meeting at an event a few weeks ago, and he seemed a bit surprised. He has brought up my boyfriend a couple of times in conversation since then ("Do you think he had fun at the event?" "You're tiny, but your bf is so tall!"), but he has also started to get a bit more... touchy. Putting his head on my shoulder, going in for hugs etc and its kinda making me... nervous, in a high school crush kind of way. Which is obviously really bad. REALLY bad. And even though I know this and I don't love my boyfriend any less, I can't help but want to keep hanging out with this new guy. GAF is probably going to hate me, and I really don't mean to be leading anyone on. My plan right now is to play it cool until the new guy leaves at the end of the month (doesn't return till March next year) during which time things will hopefully blow over. Anyway, that's my predicament.
Devolution
Member
Is your long term relationship still really strong (since I recall you posting about it before)? Otherwise I'd be very careful around this new guy.
shanshan310
Member
Devolution said:
I'm not sure how you'd define strong- I think so? I'm really happy in my relationship, he's kind of like my best friend but better. We're making some tedious plans to go to Korea together, so we've got some long term plans happening. Though recently it has just been a lot of sex and video games, but not much else. Its probably just because of exams, but its lacking a bit of excitement. Being with my boyfriend gives me this gooey warm feeling like I'm being hugged while drinking some nice tea. Being with this new guy makes me feel a bit sweaty.
I'll be careful.
Ok i'm gonna see what advice you ladies (and any guys) can give me here.
There's a girl that added me on facebook recently. I see her around my campus occasionally. We acknowledge each others presence with a hi and a smile and we go about our business.
We don't hang out though and don't get me wrong here.....i'm pretty sure she isn't into me.
However i'm still open to actually chatting her up so I may as well start on Facebook since I don't see her much anyway.
Would it be straight just to start with a "hi"?
There's a girl that added me on facebook recently. I see her around my campus occasionally. We acknowledge each others presence with a hi and a smile and we go about our business.
We don't hang out though and don't get me wrong here.....i'm pretty sure she isn't into me.
However i'm still open to actually chatting her up so I may as well start on Facebook since I don't see her much anyway.
Would it be straight just to start with a "hi"?
shanshan310 said:
Remember that the "sweaty" feeling is fleeting. If you want to maintain that kind of high you'll end up as a serial dater. It's okay to feel like that with someone new, it happens. Just remember that it won't last forever. Instead, go out and do something new and exciting with your boyfriend. It can be easy to get into a rut, but you can change that by experiencing something new with each other.
I don't really like the heart-pounding sensation of new love myself. I mean it's okay in particularly intimate situations, but the constant feeling you get with someone new can be a bit of a drain. It is so nice to have someone who knows you, who you can be yourself and won't judge you. That doesn't mean let it all hang out, I'm not even like that when I'm alone with myself, but just comfort.
I think because we didn't see each other very often or have very good communication, that feeling never went away with my last boyfriend, even until just before we broke up. Sure when we saw each other it was exciting, but even that (as odd as it may seem) can get very boring. For me it's better to have exciting moments with someone you're comfortable with than constant excitement and uncertainty.
Kad5 said:
Yeah, just say hi, why not? In some ways it is easier to open up a conversation online because there aren't any expectations. So I say go for it.
shanshan310 said:
It might not be your intention to lead him on, but it might give of a wrong impression. Which isn't really fair to this guy, your boyfriend and yourself. Without exactly knowing about the situation (but probably having been in the same one) you and this guy are well, not developing something, but giving each other a lot of attention?
Sucks for him, cause you're not leaving your boyfriend, and he probably did gethis hopes up. If even a little bit. Sucks for you, cause in two weeks he'll be gone and you'll probably miss him. Sucks for your boyfriend because since this other guy is new and exciting, you're probably doing fewer new and exciting things with your boyfriend.
I'd try to spend less time with the other guy, might prove hard since you like spending time with him. Make it clear you REALLY just like him as a friend (even if that's not true). And do something new with your current boyfriend. Then again, he'll be gone in two weeks, so it shouldn't be that big of a problem.
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